This week when I was still high from the anesthesia I apparently wrote myself a series of notes on my phone. A lot of them were literally gibberish but there were a few that made me go: “WTF?” and also, “I mean, yeah, maybe” at the same time.
This was one of them:
I think God must be an animal hoarder because he keeps making dogs that he knows he’s just gonna get back when they die and he only lets them live for like 10 years, which is not nearly long enough. Like, how many dogs do you need, God? Can we keep some? And God’s like, “NO. THESE DOGS ARE MINE. YOU CAN BORROW THEM FOR LIKE…SEVEN TO TEN YEARS.” And then I’d be like, “I don’t understand your end game, sir. We need dogs to last longer” and then God would be like, “NOOOPE. DON’T GET ATTACHED. MY DOGS, YO.” And this is why people become atheists.
Also, when I wrote this originally I was still high and it had even more typos than normal and the note had God yelling “THESE DONGS ARE MINE” and I was like, “Huh?” but then I figured it all out. Probably going to hell for posting this on Sunday but in my defense, I’m not the one murdering dogs.
*******
And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- People are asking for cards they can color, so here’s one and here’s another.
Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:
- Barnes & Noble is doing “Buy two, get one free” on their favorite paperbacks and FURIOUSLY HAPPY is one of their picks.
- Come to my house so I don’t feel alone making my own shoes. Because I want these.
- My new favorite artist of the day.
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Terrifyingly Beautiful, a witty podcast about living with anxiety. Join Kevin O’Connell and David Robert, self-proclaimed anxiety experts, as they pop open a bottle of cheap wine and share hilarious stories about the stuff that keeps them up at night. (Spoiler alert: It’s everything.) Topics thus far include salad bars, creepy dolls, germy gas pumps and dead nuns under the bed. The podcast definitely falls under the wonderful categories of “freak me out” and “make me laugh.” Check it out here.