Every few months I look at my analytics to see what bizarre search terms brought people to this blog and this time did not fail to baffle.
A quick sampling:
HOW TO SUCK A BLOATED NAVEL (What.)
MY BELLY BUTTON FELL OUT (No.)
NOISE INSIDE OF NAVEL (Stop.)
DEEP BELLY BUTTON FINGER GIVES EXCITEMENT (Hang on. Are we still talking about a belly button?)
HOW TO MAKE A PAPER DOLL WITH BOOBS (It’s probably easier if you use your hands.)
WHAT JOB DEPENDS ON PEOPLE LEAVING LITTER (Are you just trying to justify littering?)
A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO A FRIEND WHO BURIED MY CAT (They really should make a card for this.)
HOT AUNTIE LEGGINGS IMAGE (I don’t know if this is a fetish or a typo.)
LEG SHOT GETTING OUT OF CAR (Like, with a camera or a bullet?)
DINNER PARTY FOR 14 ROAD KILL FOODS (Please don’t.)
WTF KEVIN (Indeed. Get your shit together, Kevin.)
ARE CATS PRAYING TO GOD (I don’t understand the question?)
WHAT DOESN’T IT MEAN WHEN A GIRL TELLS YOU THAT SHE IS SORRY FOR DISAPPOINTING YOU (What doesn’t it mean? Oh wait. That’s what you asked. Sorry. I don’t know the answer.)
WHY DO THEY THROW THE FISH OUT OF THE SLEIGH IF HE CAN’T FLY? (Weirdly, I know what you’re talking about and I asked the same question 8 years ago.)
WHAT ANIMAL LOOKS LIKE A SQUIRREL BUT IS BIGGER (Is it a bigger squirrel?)
WHY ARE YOU NOT PICKING UP YOUR PHONE (Why are you searching for this on the internet?)
HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DIDN’T ANSWER YOUR PHONE (Are these searches relate?)
CODE OF WATERMELON (I’m so confused.)
AM I KILLING ELVES (Um…what?)
WHAT IF MY HAMSTERS NOT GAY (Respect your hamster’s choices.)
WAS OLIVE OYL A PROSTITUTE (Great. Now I want to google this. I have become the problem.)
KINDA PISSED ABOUT NOT BEING A UNICORN (OMG join the club.)