Want to advertise on a site made up almost entirely of deviant misfits with lots of extra money? Of course you do. Text ads start at only $100 a month. That’s probably half of what you spend on vodka, and twice as beneficial.
“I totally want to advertise here. How do I get in on this?”
Most of our advertisers are fellow writers, artists, and lovable eccentrics. Go to the sidebar and visit them now because they are full of magic and they keep this site running without pop-up ads and annoying bullshit. Read this whole FAQ for details and then email us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want in.
“Why would I advertise here?”
TheBloggess.com is an award-winning blog with an amazing community that gets millions of page views. We don’t understand it either but it’s very nice.
Normal people should stop reading now but here’s my media kit for marketing professionals who want to advertise here but who need to convince their boss that I’m more than just a dangerous psychopath:
About Jenny: Jenny is a columnist, blogger and #1 NYT best-selling author. Her personal blog (www.thebloggess.com) is extremely popular. She’s been featured on the New York Times, Gawker, Salon.com, Mashable, The London Times, The Washington Post, People, O Magazine, CNN, Time Magazine, The Today Show. MSNBC calls her an “internet rockstar”, Forbes repeatedly lists thebloggess.com as one of the Top 100 Websites for Women, and Katie Couric calls her “Hilarious.” She is a repeated finalist (and an occasional winner) in the Weblog awards for Best Writing, Most Humorous Writer, Shorty Award, Best Design, Blog of the Year, and Lifetime Acheivement. She was once named The Huffington Posts’s Greatest Person of the Day and has fooled many people into thinking she’s very important. She is a sought-after speaker who sells out venues, and has almost a half million twitter followers, including Ellen DeGeneres, the Today Show, Barack Obama and many more. She’s written three books (Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things and YOU ARE HERE: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds which were all award-winning NYT bestsellers.
“Sounds interesting. What’ll it cost me?”
Rates for TheBloggess.com are:
- $100 a month for text ads for bloggers/artists/writers. $150 a month for text ads for businesses.
- $350 for the weekly wrap-up sponsorship.
- $300-$750 for monthly graphic ads.
- $500,000 for a jar with my appendix in it.
We reserve the right to not advertise companies that are shitty, illegal or questionable-in-the-wrong-sort-of-way.
“I want to partner with you/ put you on our affiliate program/guest write for your website/pay you to sneak links into old posts.”
Thank you, but we don’t do that. Please remove me from your mailing list.
“I don’t want to advertise but I want to send you a product.”
If you want to send me free junk you can but I probably won’t write about it unless it’s hilarious or hilariously awful, and if you send me a truly terrible marketing pitch you will be sent a picture of Wil Wheaton collating.
Products I won’t write about: Coupons, cleaning supplies, stuff that makes me do math.
Things I might write about: Victorian books about diseases, things that make me wonder what the hell they are, badly taxidermied animals wearing clothing, potent potables.
My address is: TheBloggess.com / 14546 Brook Hollow Blvd. #400 / San Antonio TX, 78232
(That’s just a PO Box, burglars. It’s not my house. Nice try though. Also, I only check that box twice a year at best, so please don’t send me any meat or live kittens.)
“I wrote a book and want your help getting it published/read/edited.”
CONGRATULATIONS! Books make the world go around and I can’t wait to read yours. That said, I really don’t know anything about publishing and lucked into getting an agent so I am no help at all. I almost never do blurbs because I’m already so behind on writing my own stuff. But you can buy advertising here for your book if you like? I suck. Sorry.
“Can I pay you to use your drawings?”
Well, the ones that were in my book belong to the publisher so you’d have to reach out to them for permission, but there are quite a few on my blog that are available for free for everyone. You can’t use my stuff for commercial purposes but if you’re just making 10 copies of a drawing for the elderly women you volunteer to help at the retirement center I’m pretty sure no one is going to sue you. Just saying.
“Can we be friends?”
We already are.
Disclosure: I occasionally use affiliate links if I’m going to write about something anyway, but I’m always honest in my opinions and most of the affiliate links are for ridiculous things no sane person would ever buy (life-sized bears, million dollar war planes, horrible things people should avoid, my books, etc.) Any money made goes back into keeping the blog running and funding the James Garfield Holiday Miracle, so if you do buy a $700 life-sized bear through an affiliate link I thank you profusely. And I question your sanity. And I’d like to borrow it. (The bear, that is. Not your sanity.)