My biggest qualification for writing an advice column is the fact that someone gave me an advice column.

Holy crap, y’all.  I have my first real writing gig.  Writing an advice column. That just happened.

It’s for this company called PNN and I think it’s like CNN for chicks.  I’m afraid to ask what the P stands for.  All I know is that in spite of many, many emails letting them know what a horrible mistake they were making they were still all “Meh.  What’s the worst you could do?”

Me:  Hey!  I made a banner for the advice column:

PNN: Wow.  Let’s hold off on that one for a week or so.

Me:  I’m working on my first post.  You’re probably going to get sued.

PNN: We scoff at lawsuits.

Me:  I’d like to get paid in monkeys.

PNN:  We will give you several t-shirts with your face on them.

Me:  Can I have one with a big picture of me on it and it’ll just say ”Why yes, actually.  I *am* wearing my own shirt.”?

PNN:  You are very weird.  Surprisingly, we still want to work with you.

Then in my first week I  attacked Dr. Phil and shared advice about dead mothers, jews-hating grampas, and how to create a “fart super highways”.

This is probably going to be a disaster awesome.  Now please come over here and ask me for advice or I will stab you in the ankle.