Holy crap, y’all. I have my first real writing gig. Writing an advice column. That just happened.
It’s for this company called PNN and I think it’s like CNN for chicks. I’m afraid to ask what the P stands for. All I know is that in spite of many, many emails letting them know what a horrible mistake they were making they were still all “Meh. What’s the worst you could do?”
Me: Hey! I made a banner for the advice column:
PNN: Wow. Let’s hold off on that one for a week or so.
Me: I’m working on my first post. You’re probably going to get sued.
PNN: We scoff at lawsuits.
Me: I’d like to get paid in monkeys.
PNN: We will give you several t-shirts with your face on them.
Me: Can I have one with a big picture of me on it and it’ll just say ”Why yes, actually. I *am* wearing my own shirt.”?
PNN: You are very weird. Surprisingly, we still want to work with you.
Then in my first week I attacked Dr. Phil and shared advice about dead mothers, jews-hating grampas, and how to create a “fart super highways”.
This is probably going to be a disaster awesome. Now please come over here and ask me for advice or I will stab you in the ankle.