The other day Victor was in the shower doing the “We Represent The Lollipop Guild” song from the Wizard of Oz, complete with the kicky-feet-dancey-thing.
Me: When I was a kid I thought that dance was some sort of a midget-spasm and I felt bad for them.
Victor: You thought all those little people were having spasms?
Me: Yeah.
Victor: At exactly the same time.
Me: Mmhmm.
Victor: Totally in time to the music?
Me: Yeah.
Victor: Didn’t it strike you as weird that only those little people were doing it and none of the others were?
Me: I thought it was like the difference between dwarves and midgets.
Victor: Wh…what?
Me: Like, I knew there was a difference between midgets and dwarves but I didn’t know what it was and so I thought maybe one type had spasms and the others didn’t and that they’d put them all together so it’d look like a funny dance . But it didn’t look funny. It just looked mean. I felt bad everytime the spasm-y guys came on.
Victor: What the hell is wrong with you?
And then I said, “What the hell is wrong with me?! What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re the one singing about the lollipop guild in the shower!” And then he was rendered speechless by my quick-witted retort and I was all “Buuuuurn you!” and then I walked off to his dead silence.
That whole last paragraph didn’t happen in real life but it did happen in my head later when I was driving to work and it was awesome. So then I called Victor and yelled my comeback at him and he did that thing he does where he pretends that I’d dialed the wrong number but I was all “Whatever! You just don’t want to admit that I beat you in the midget-battle-of-the-wits, asshole” and then I looked at my cell phone and realized I actually *had* dialed the wrong number. Then I got to work and looked up the difference between midgets and dwarves and turns out you aren’t even supposed to say “midget” anymore so basically I just yelled a politically incorrect word at a total stranger on the phone at 6 o’clock in the morning.
Awesome.
PS. Sometimes I look at my sidebar to see if my latest post made it onto the “More from BlogHer” box and sometimes I’m all “Hey! There I am! My post is being highlighted! And that one’s me too! Holy crap, it’s all me! All these post are mine!!” And then I realize I’m looking at my “recent posts” box.
Comment of the day: My Mom has a serious problem with dwarves/midgets…as in, she finds them funny. Not in a hateful way, really, just really cute and then she gets tickled. If I spot a midget/dwarf before she does, I re-route her path, it’s that embarrassing. ~Jenny O.