One of my friends sent me this website where you can upload your picture and it’ll show you what you’re gonna look like in 20 years and you totally shouldn’t do it because first of all I don’t think they take the ready availability of plastic surgery into account, and secondly? I’m pretty sure they just assume I’m not going to live that long and so instead they’ve decided to show me what I’ll look like after the zombie apocalypse.
The website also gives you the option of seeing you how you’d look if you’d spent the next 20 years as a drug addict. For real. Me as an old drug addict:
I think the lesson here is that drugs make you sexier. Or maybe it’s “die young”. I don’t actually know what the lesson is.
UPDATED: I just put my kid’s baby picture into the website:
I’m pretty sure the real lesson here is just never use that website again.
UPDATED AGAIN: Okay, C. just pointed out that the 21-year-old Hailey looks almost exactly like a famous celebrity and I went to check it out and yeah. She looks exactly like Andy Rooney.
I can only assume that instead of aging you, this website was actually designed to give you an idea of what it would look like if you and Andy Rooney had a baby or got stuck in that machine from “The Fly” together. In fact, it was probably called “You and Andy Rooney had a baby” until the website owners realized that no one actually wants to have a baby with Andy Rooney and so they just changed the name. Also, Victor just told me that he wants a divorce because now he thinks that I’m not going to age well and I pointed out that the software doesn’t even recognize his face as being human so maybe he should stop being so damn judgmental and concentrate on how we’re going to get Hailey into an arranged marriage now while she’s still adorable. Then he made me get out of his office. Thanks a lot, YouandAndyRooneyHadaBaby.com. You have ruined my marriage.