UPDATED: I’m not sure this is sending the right message

One of my friends sent me this website where you can upload your picture and it’ll show you what you’re gonna look like in 20 years and you totally shouldn’t do it because first of all I don’t think they take the ready availability of plastic surgery into account, and secondly? I’m pretty sure they just assume I’m not going to live that long and so instead they’ve decided to show me what I’ll look like after the zombie apocalypse.

For a zombie I look pretty fresh. For a non-zombie I look like I've been beaten down by life and am praying for an aneurysm. Neither of these scenarios is particularly comforting.

The website also gives you the option of seeing you how you’d look if you’d spent the next 20 years as a drug addict.  For real.  Me as an old drug addict:

Drugs give you cheekbones. Apparently.

I think the lesson here is that drugs make you sexier.  Or maybe it’s “die young”.   I don’t actually know what the lesson is.

UPDATED: I just put my kid’s baby picture into the website:

Hailey on her 21st birthday. Holy shit, y'all. The college years are gonna be rough.

I’m pretty sure the real lesson here is just never use that website again.

UPDATED AGAIN: Okay, C. just pointed out that the 21-year-old Hailey looks almost exactly like a famous celebrity and I went to check it out and yeah.  She looks exactly like Andy Rooney.

That's just goddam eerie.

I can only assume that instead of aging you, this website was actually designed to give you an idea of what it would look like if you and Andy Rooney had a baby or got stuck in that machine from “The Fly” together.  In fact, it was probably called “You and Andy Rooney had a baby” until the website owners realized that no one actually wants to have a baby with Andy Rooney and so they just changed the name.  Also, Victor just told me that he wants a divorce because now he thinks that I’m not going to age well and I pointed out that the software doesn’t even recognize his face as being human so maybe he should stop being so damn judgmental and concentrate on how we’re going to get Hailey into an arranged marriage now while she’s still adorable.  Then he made me get out of his office.  Thanks a lot, YouandAndyRooneyHadaBaby.com.  You have ruined my marriage.

136 thoughts on “UPDATED: I’m not sure this is sending the right message

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Oh mah Gah that last picture of Hayley. I can’t! My latte just came out of my nose. You’re paying for a new keyboard. Or that website is.

  2. I think you should never show Hailey this picture. Ever. Be a good mother now.

    Also, this web site is a fluff of cotton candy comparing to myspace’s favorite “Do you want to know when you are going to die???”
    .-= Lena´s last blog ..Eight Types Of Sex Bloggers That Suck =-.

  3. When I wake up at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat, screaming about the freaky zombie baby chasing me in my nightmares? That’s when I’m going to call you up.
    .-= Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Hi. =-.

  4. Oddly enough the photograph of my balls (with the flamethrower) looked identical in 20 years. My nuts age well. Ahhh, yes… yes, they do.
    .-= furiousball´s last blog ..boning ahoy! =-.

  5. So apparently, in 20 years I’m going to look like John Wayne Gacy. This does not bode well for my future career in Human Resources.

  6. Holy hell, Hailey! Poor baby girl is gonna look like a little old man by the time she can (legally) drink. Although, if she survived the zombie apocalypse, she’s doing something right. Maybe she had plastic surgery to intentionally make her look like an old man because zombies don’t like that flavor. Hmmm, she might be on to something!
    .-= Tara´s last blog ..Lookit lookit! =-.

  7. Give her some hair and remove some of the baby fat and she’s going to look just like you. (meant entirely in a nice way of course)
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..A weekend away =-.

  8. Could you tell the drugged you of the future that the me of the present is leaving love letters to her (you?) in all of her (your?) gorgeousness via the mysterious mailbox down the road. Sort of like The Lake House meets Time Traveler’s Wife meets Trainspotting. Our Own Private Time Traveling Mailbox in Idaho with Love, that’s what it’ll be. I miss you (her?).

  9. After going to that site I’ve decided I will NEVER become a drug addict. Especially a drug addict 30 years from now.

    You know what, I think in20years.com just saved my future self from becoming addicted to meth, or caffeiene (that’s a drug, right?). Thank you, in20years.com. For saving my life AND destroying my self esteem at the same time.
    .-= Caitlin´s last blog ..How Glee, Journey and Lea Michele could have saved me from almost having a panic attack =-.

  10. HAHA. The first thing I did was put my daughter’s photo in there. Poor thing is going to be a monster.
    .-= Erica´s last blog ..WOW =-.

  11. dude, it didn’t want anything to do with me. I think i broke the website. None of the pictures i uploaded had faces apparently. humanity can thank me later.

  12. Holy Purple Crayon! That is some funny stuff right there…I love that Hailey kinda looks like an alien. I’m going to have my zombie likeness. It’s Zombie goodness right there with an extra side of AWESOME!
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Crazy Because It’s True =-.

  13. I just wasted 30 minutes of my life and am now ready to up my meds. I entered a pic of my 20 years ago and I look nothing like that now, thank god. However my current pic looks VERY DAMN SCARY, but my husbands looks like a normal old man. Thanks I am having a drink or 12 now.

  14. Apparently your daughter got the looks from your husband’s side of the family

  15. Evn wrote: So apparently, in 20 years I’m going to look like John Wayne Gacy. This does not bode well for my future career in Human Resources.

    Or it bodes incredibly well. Seriously. Who fucks with an HR dude with the Gacy smile? Nab a couple of clown pics (porn optional) for your office, and you’re all set.

    Also, that is one freaky changeling baby. Dang.

  16. Of all three pictures, the drug addict looks best. What’s the takeaway lesson here?

    I like Peachy1’s idea. Put a twenty-year old picture of yourself and see how accurate it is. If they made your baby’s picture look the same as you twenty-years from now, they only have one age default.

  17. Ok, secret revelation: I don’t understand the problem with looking older. The problem is people thinking you are younger than you are. Yes I am Very Serious.

  18. 1. I want those cheekbones.
    2. Your daughter looks like one of the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz. OR like Finslippy. Are you sure she’s yours?
    3. She STILL has no hair?
    .-= Kit´s last blog ..Writing Assignment =-.

  19. You really do look hot as an aged drug addict. I thought only Keith Richards could pull that off.

    Mainline a lot of heroine, and you’ll be all hot and rock-and-roll in 20 years, is the moral.
    .-= Sarah p´s last blog ..One-off for the Afternoon =-.

  20. So I just went to this website because of course I totally want to see what mine and Andy’s baby would look like, but when I tried to upload my photo the website was all “We couldn’t detect a face in your photo” and I was all, “Um, the only thing in that photo is my face” but the website was all, “Try again please” so I uploaded a different photo that was even more of a close up of my face and the website was still all “We couldn’t detect a face in your photo,” which leads me to believe that either a) I’ll be dead in 20+ years or b) Andy Rooney is infertile.
    .-= Nicole The Intern´s last blog ..sky mall catalogs, things i’m willing to mail you that might save your life, and a new use for blowup sex dolls that will totally come in handy if a) you have a trader joe’s bag full of blowup sex dolls and b) you are terrified of wasps =-.

  21. Hmmm… sounds like a crafty ploy to me. Are you sure the bride of Wilderstein is not behind this as she desperately looks for additional flesh to sculp on to her weird creation of a cat face?

    And here I was just thinking about how my forehead has developed extra wrinkles overnight. I think it has to do with eyesight and the fact that every time I put eyeshadow/eyeliner/mascara (delete as appropriate) I have to OPEN my eyes that much wider to see what the fuck I am doing.
    And then back away from the mirror in horror.

    Sorry. I have confused myself now. Back in my box.

    LCM x
    .-= London City Mum´s last blog ..Award nomination. Apparently I am funny. No, really, I am. =-.

  22. Mine doesn’t look that bad except the teeth. But my teeth are horrible now so I guess it make sense that they look like meth mouth in 20 years even though I don’t do meth.
    .-= Mand´s last blog ..She talked!!! =-.

  23. Apparently, if I take up drugs and age 30 years, I’ll be a vampire with cataracts. I’ve done absolutely no work this afternoon because I keep staring at this photo and giggling. My husband isn’t recognized as human either, which is probably good considering what he’s gonna be married to when he’s 60. All in all, I’d say this was one of my more productive days.

  24. It seems that in twenty years I have an extra eyebrow AND EYE on the left side of my face. I haven’t decided how to feel about it, but I do wonder how it will happen.

  25. 1) I’m now contemplating taking up drugs a a weight loss/cheekbone discovery method. I’m pretty sure I have some and clearly this clean living is doing nothing for me.

    2) Andy Rooney is a stud. I see no problem with the original name of the website. You people are EXACTLY why Andy rooney has self esteem issues.
    Way to go THE INTERNET.

    Oh WAIT… THATS andy rooney. Okay I was looking at a photo of that guy from twilight.
    I get it now.
    .-= Beausaphine´s last blog ..I may have a restraining order against me =-.

  26. I think they have that thing ramped up to a heck of a lot more than 20 years if that’s what she’d look like at 21. More like 61. My word!

  27. You got off lightly… I forgot to tick “female” and ended up with a transexual version of myself… at least now I know I wouldn’t make a handsome man…

  28. I know that seeing what Andy Rooney will look like in 20 years is more than the average human can bear, so let’s just leave it at that, ‘K, and quit while we’re all still relatively sane…….

    mmm ‘K ?

    mmmm ‘K ?

  29. I have to disagree. She looks exactly like Carrol O’Connor. She’s even making the “Archie Face” as if she’s smack dab in the middle of “Those Were the Days”.

  30. It actually looks like what would happen if all these twilight obsessed girls got their wish to have that guy suck on their neck. You don’t look aged, you look sucked dry. That’s not a good thing.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..Am Ow-Side! =-.

  31. Jenny, judging by those cheekbones on your future addicted self, I think you better stick to the pharmaceuticals and stay away from crystal meth. Those cheekbones appear to be a result of NO TEETH providing facial balance.
    .-= CareerShaman´s last blog ..How to Reapply After a Rejection =-.

  32. Ruined your marriage, but your post made my week. I think I totally got a six pack from laughing so hard.

  33. So i clicked on a pic of me and my son to upload, meaning to click the pic below it and what happened..is nuts.. i wish i could post it here for you to see.. lets just say it tried to use half my face half his face and it added its own nose and mouth.. its freaky..very freaky

  34. Ew sorry about that blog link self-promo thing. I’ve never commented here before and I had no idea it was gonna do that.

  35. Also, apparently in 20 years, I will have had a nose job done. Sorry guys, but 20 years doesn’t make your nose all pointy and witchy, when it hasn’t started like that.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..Am Ow-Side! =-.

  36. Ok… on a compeltely different subject, a hot search on google right now is “Who serves Lion Burgers?”. WHO wants to know that? AND why are so many people asking that it’s considered a hot search?

    (I obviously need my own blog.)

  37. I think you should be able to check boxes for a variety of plastic surgery/botox options. Then you could test out how the various procedures would look before you spent the money.

    I agree; you look better as an old drug addict. Something wrong with that.
    .-= Naked Girl in a Dress´s last blog ..Free to Be You and Me =-.

  38. First, Lion burgers are next to the tiger tacos.

    Second, HAHAHAHA. Just when I think I understand the way your mind works, Jenny….I don’t. Boy, don’t I. I laughed so hard I cried and my guy and baby left the room saying “Mommy’s a hyena.” I want to play with pictures now….only I’ll have to wait til morning. I love the way you make me laugh.

    Rock on, J!
    .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Live, Laugh, Love =-.

  39. Drugs give you cheekbones? Hmmm…they apparently also prevent bags under the eyes. The old druggie pictures vs. the old non-druggie pictures definitely show much less eye baggage. What kind of drugs are these anyway?
    .-= Marla´s last blog ..Doesn’t Everyone Have One of Those? =-.

  40. Also, I apologize for my tendency to visit your blog after drinking too much wine, but there is an 11-year old sleepover going on in my house with a tornado warning that just ended which caused me to drag said children and sleeping night-shift husband to the basement only to find standing water from the torrential rainfall that couldn’t drain properly because the offspring decided to move the freaking drain spout thingy which diverts the rain from our basement. Good times tonight. Good times. Cheers.
    .-= tracey´s last blog ..Drowning… =-.

  41. Kinda like the ol’ ‘don’t look now but…’ warnings – I’m still gonna traipse on over and have a look-see. Probably confirm my worst suspicions of me turning into my mother. Sigh. Though I’m hoping I’ll at least be thin if I’m a druggie! Gotta take the good with the bad.

    And sadly, Hailey’s going to turn into my Dad. Sorry.
    .-= Leni´s last blog ..Sale of House Shennanigans =-.

  42. Maybe it’s really just one of those character tests….to see what would make a person turn to drugs vs who would swear off of them for the same reason; etc. Does this mean you passed, or failed?
    .-= Paula´s last blog ..Memory Lane Monday #21 =-.

  43. I confess, I only read this to see what Furiousball wrote. Is that wrong?

  44. Hmm..it’s like my pic either – ergo I am going to conclude that I am ageless and timeless…that is all…

  45. Ooopsss…. it “didn’t” like my pic either…fucking spellcheck on my typos..

  46. umm, its so incredibly obvious that they stole that picture from the subway ghost from the classic 1990 film, ‘ghost’ god i miss patrick. one tear. anyhow, its a bit strange how Vincent Schiavelli keeps reappearing in my life.
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..safety first =-.

  47. I think I have enough issues, what with the nose and the chin hiding in the genetic code somewhere waiting to spring themselves in all their peasant-y glory on an unsuspecting fourteen-year-old, without subjecting myself to a graphic representation of me+20 years of gravity and collagen breakdown.

    But the cheekbones…tempting.
    .-= Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points´s last blog ..My butter is too fat. =-.

  48. That photo of Hailey may come in handy, when as a teenager she brings home some shaggy, tattooed, biker-werewolf that she met in an animal shelter… err, nightclub. Then, maybe you should just send her to a convent now, so that she won’t be tempted to go to nightclubs as a teenager. Just saying.

    .-= Ed T.´s last blog ..Beauty and the Beast =-.

  49. Is Victor one of those vampires I’m hearing about all love the television? And do I have to now add him to the list of vampires I have to choose from? Edward – Victor – Jake…it’s getting complicated now. I’m going to rest my head.

  50. Wow. Based on that, you might as well start doing drugs. That way you aren’t scared of your kid….

  51. My wife has been going through our old pictures and found some from 40 years ago when I thought I looked like Gene Shalit because some girl at the bar in TGI Fridays told me so. Turns out that was the best I was ever going to look, and that’s way more depressing to know than what some computer program thinks I am going to look like as a reconstituted zombie in 20 years. Celebrate your hotness now – all of you – because you just get cooler every minute until the ‘big chill’…and by cooler I do not mean in a good way.
    .-= Jonah Gibson´s last blog ..Day 241 – Bankruptcy =-.

  52. Gave this a try, and I am going to be a Caucasian in 20 years! (Presently, I am Asian) Who needs plastic surgery when you have an aging machine that gives you a virtual nose job in 20 years? Great, now I can blend in to the KKK and see what I’ve been missing. Just kidding. (Kinda)
    .-= Carly´s last blog ..Tara’s First Lesson =-.

  53. On the plus side, if they remake The Wizard Of Oz, Hailey can be one –or maybe even all three– of the Lollipop Kids.

    You should get her costume together now.
    First impressions are SO important.

  54. OMG I was laughing so hard from this I almost peed myself dude seriously LMAO.
    I’ve seen other peoples pics from that site also and yeah its just so wrong. Makes a person really not grow old and choose other alternatives HAHHA
    .-= Carol P´s last blog ..Photography Site =-.

  55. I did this and sent the results to my friends. The response I got back was:
    “it took me the longest time to realize in this picture your mouth and chin look like………….greta van susteren”

    Now I’m really frightened and will be reversing my adamant opposition to plastic surgery and may end up looking just like Joan Rivers cuz I won’t be able to stop once I start

  56. If they really wanted to freak you out they’d show you what happens to your teeth when you do Meth. So not only will you all of the sudden have high cheekbones but what teeth you have will be black. Sexy!
    .-= Steph´s last blog ..Good Friends =-.

  57. I uploaded my picture to see what I’d look like in 20 years and it came back with just a message saying, “Hopefully you’ll be dead by that time, you fucker” and this is what I get for accidentally sending shit to my wife.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Penis Poppy Muffin =-.

  58. I think the site should be called YouAsA65YearOldMan.com because that’s what I looked like…and the unfortunate thing here is that I’m a 27 year old female. I think I need to start using preventative wrinkle-free night cream.

  59. That website depressed me, so I had to keep looking through my pics till I could find one that wasn’t TOTALLY depressing in it. Though still, it suggests I won’t age well (despite my attempts to entirely prevent aging as chronicled in my blog today. Well sort of. Whatever.).

    So I wanted to report it to the Internet gods for some sort of content violation. Although the existences of videos I’ve heard tell of with girls and cups suggests that the internet gods are atheist…

    But then you posted this and I LAUGHED OUT LOUD! And that made it all worth it!

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