You know how I’m always perpetually late for trends and memes? WELL, NOT THIS TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS. Apparently, “stocking“ is the new “leisure diving“ (which was the new “owling“) (which was the new “planking“) and this time I’m totally on time for it. “Stocking” is the new hipster art of imitating stock photography. Why? I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T HAVE TIME TO RESEARCH IT. Mainly because if I don’t post this immediately, I risk becoming out of date. Not this time, hipsters.
Updated: Motherfucker. I went back to find the links explaining all of this, and apparently in the time it took me to write this update I’ve become obsolete. According to the internet, “horsemaning“ is now the new “stocking”. Fuck it. I’m officially saving us from ourselves. Guess what? Not-doing-shit is the new horsemaning. I just called it. You’re welcome, world. Go watch some tv. It’s what all the cool kids are doing.
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In other news, it’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:
What you missed on my Ill-Advised column:
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Jesus Christ, Supershark
- PUT A BIRD ON IT. (My homage to Portlandia.)
What you missed on the internets:
- I shared picture of the haunted dollhouse I’ve been building for years. It somehow became news. The internet is a weird place, y’all.
- I just became a job requirement.
- Beyonce (the giant metal chicken) officially has over 20,000 fans on facebook. I can not tell you how furiously happy this makes me.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- I don’t know. I kind of suck this week. How about you? Did you read something awesome that we should all look at? Leave it in the comments.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Oh Crap Potty Training, which sounds like a SNL skit, but is actually a business devoted to getting your kid potty trained in a week. I can only guess this involves some sort of magic. You should probably check it out.