You guys? Guess what just arrived?
These are the advanced, soft-cover, uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copies but it doesn’t matter because they’re MY advanced, soft-cover,uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copies. And tonight I will curl up with my own book, complete with chapters entitled: “Jenkins, You Motherfucker,” “If You Need an Arm Condom It Might Be Time to Reevaluate Some of Your Life Choices,” Draw Me A Fucking Dog,” “And That’s Why Neil Patrick Harris Would Be the Most Successful Serial Killer Ever” and “It Wasn’t Even My Crack.” The real book comes out in a couple of months and I just wanted to say thank you, because I couldn’t have done it without you. Those aren’t just empty words. I’m too dangerous for advertisers so most of the ads on this blog are from other bloggers who supported my need to write full-time. Whenever I felt like I’d never finish this 10+ year journey to write my life story your comments kept me believing in myself. When I was desperate for just the right word you were there on twitter to say “gumption” and “borborygmus” and “sump-pump”. Getting the book quotes, finding an agent…every single part of this has its origins in social media. This book was a group effort of so many of you who helped me finish it. Which means that if you ever left a kind comment, or replied on twitter, or offered to let me read a chapter to you at 3am because I felt like a giant panicky loser then you wrote this book too. Congratulations. We’re authors, y’all.
(If you want to pre-order the book that you just wrote with me you can do that here. It seems weird to pay for your own book, but I can assure you that I’ve pre ordered 5 copies myself at full price. Mostly because I don’t know how to negotiate with publishers and I’m a terrible shoplifter.)
Also, I’m working on doing a little something special for everyone who has helped in some way, but it’s a bit overwhelming. I’m in New York next week recording my audio-book {for the love of God, at least one person buy it} so maybe I’ll come up with the perfect thing there. Something to say thank you, like a kick-ass bookmark. Or something I can afford, like a handful of dirt.
But for now…let’s move on to this week’s wrap-up:
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
- I wrote and read you a poem. It’s called “Everyone Says Fuck Off”. It’s like Everybody Poops but with less poop and more profanity.
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
- The horrible sound of sirens. (It’s a terrible story, but with an important and hopeful ending. Also, you guys have helped raise $1,000 to help offset funeral expenses because all profits in my shop this month are going there. Her husband is incredibly grateful and I love you guys like butter.)
- Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate and other things I love.
- UPDATED: Ferris Mewler helps take down the Christmas tree
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Silver Ribbon Necklace for mental illness. (I’m wearing mine now.)
- Silver Ribbon buttons (Silver ribbon proceeds go to buying ball gowns for the #travelingreddress project)
- FURIOUSLYHAPPY necklace
- Beyonce-the-Giant-Metal-Chicken mousepad
- Ferris Mewler magnet
- Fucking shit up magnet
- Haters gonna hate. For those who love Twilight. And those who despise it.
- WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE t-shirt
- It might be cardboard…but it’s just as magical.
What you missed on the internets:
- Forbes wrote about you. YOU.
- The Washington Post and the Traveling Red Dress
- The Daily Beast was nice to me.
- “Comparing sadness to depression is like comparing a paper cut to cutting your hand off. “
- Finally got on Good Reads. I now have 8 million books to read this year.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome
- Hell. Yes.
- Dr. Seuss + Burning Man = Surprisingly brilliant.
- The Joy of Books.
- Animals talking in all caps. The new stuff is still amazing.
- Banana Candle
- Barbie becomes a hoarder
- Magic cards with googly eyes. It’s really only funny if you play Magic. Stop judging me.
- I’m five of these people. You?
- This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Joey Z’sMeatballs, which is a restaurant that doesn’t exist yet. But it will, if you help open it. Donate on Kickstarter to see it come to fruition. By the way, if this does come into existence I’ve been assured that there will be a Bloggess pizza sandwich WITH EDIBLE GLITTER ON IT. FOR REAL. This must happen, you guys.