I’ve been on a bit of a whirlwind book tour and I haven’t had much time to let you know what’s been going on, so I’m going to do a quick update pulled directly from my journal:
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My editor couldn’t decide between a bottle of wine or a hat made from actual roadkill as a book pub date gift. I think she made the right choice:
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I think I’m at a fancy hotel because I can’t tell what’s in the bottles. At no point on this bottle does it say that it’s lotion. I’m pretty sure “emotion body milk” is semen. I have an entire bottle of free semen and I have no idea what to do with it.
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Same hotel. I want a cheeseburger so I call for room service. They reply, “Did you mean Womb Service?” No. No, I certainly did not and I can’t imagine enough people are making this mistake to make it worthy of that follow up question.
Also, yes, of course I have pictures:
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One of these is toothpaste. The other is clearasil.
They do not taste the same. Ask me how I know.
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I went to a tv interview but they neglected to tell me that it was live TV in Hollywood before a studio audience and so I was sort of petrified. But then I took all my anti-anxiety drugs and I felt better (and woozie) until I stepped into the makeup room and there was a brunette in curlers with black glasses and I was all “Bitch stole my look” and then she said “Excuse me?” and I tried to explain myself but I was too mumbly to makes sense and then she took her hair out of the curlers AND IT WAS LISA LOEB.
I signed several boobs and one moob and some dead frogs. I’ll sign anything.
People brought me awesome, bizarre things. Including a Tupperware bowl with an edible version of the dead mouse on the cover of my book:
It tasted adorable. And suspicious. I was very hungry.
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I spoke in a quavering voice between a variety of dumpsters.
And people laughed.
And it was good.
More to come (including new tour dates!)…