me: I bet the little mermaid got crazy fat after she got married.
Victor: Why?
me: Because all she could eat when she was a mermaid was raw kelp and there’s practically no calories in kelp.
Victor: She lived in the ocean. She ate fish.
me: SHE WAS FRIENDS WITH FISH. She talked to every living thing there was. Even seagulls. She couldn’t even eat seagulls. I bet she was fucking starving. Have you seen her waist? That’s not normal. It looks like she’s had ribs removed.
Victor: Huh.
me: And then she suddenly becomes human and stops swimming – so she’s not getting any cardio – and then she discovers cheese. And bacon. And cheesy bacon. OMG, I want cheesy bacon.
Victor: You’ve thought about this way too much.
me: If I was the little mermaid I’d get so fat.
**********
In unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up.
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
What you missed on the internets:
- I got pre-nominated for a pre-award. Sort of. It was confusing.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
- Oh hush. It was exciting for me.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s round-up sponsored by The Dumb White Husband’s Guide to Babies. Children are amazing and their limitless capacity for love is matched only by their ability to make you feel like an idiot. But you’re not alone. Dumb White Husband vs. Babies tackles the subjects that other baby books ignore.