She brought light even in the darkness.

Last night I dreamt about a blind girl who lived in a forest made of night.  Her hair was alive and each strand held a lit candle, making her a human candelabra.  It seemed a sad irony that she wasn’t able to appreciate the light she gave off, but when I watched her walk though the forest I saw that each person she passed was delighted or awed as their faces were bathed in the rare light, and that after pausing a second they used a few of those moments of illumination to quietly move the dangerous things from her path so that she could walk on safely, without needing to see.  I don’t know that the girl knew there were others, but she seemed confident that the world would be safe, or that it was at least worth the risk of walking tall through the darkness.  I don’t know why the others didn’t stop and talk to the girl or take her hand.  It seemed as if this was just a part of nature, a cycle, a partnership of sorts, and even though I didn’t understand it I woke up feeling hopeful.

If you’ve read me long enough you know that a peculiar effect that comes with my depression is that I lose my peripheral vision, like I’m literally in a cave and can just see in front of me.  This morning I can see so far.  I’d actually forgotten what it was like to see that much light on a horizon.  And I don’t know how long it will last but I know that today I can see the sun and I’m writing this down to remind myself that it comes back, and that the relief and joy at coming out of the darkness is always worth the time spent in it.

PS. I pulled out my sketchbook and drew the girl while I could still remember all of the details and while I drew I thought about what it meant.  Sometimes I’m the light I cannot see.  Sometimes I’m bathed in the glow of another.  Sometimes I wait in the darkness with you and remind myself that light still exists even when it’s gone from sight.

Thank you for being my light in the darkness.  Thank you for moving the dangerous things from my path.  Thank you for walking beside me even in the dark.

You may not always feel it, but trust me, you are a beacon touching farther than you know.  In the way you make people laugh, in the way that you show love and kindness, in the way that you are unapologetically or apologetically who you are.

You are a light.

Click to embiggen.
Click to embiggen.

PPS. I’ll probably put this in my shop when I have time but you can print it out for free for personal use, or hand it to a friend who needs it right now if you like.

411 thoughts on “She brought light even in the darkness.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Amazing! Love it – The story, the explanation, and that drawing is beautiful! Xo!

  2. I’m of the personal belief that when I’ve been in a dark depressive episode, the sun looks all that much brighter when I emerge, and that extra shimmeriness is almost worth having endured the darkness.
    It’s a perk only we depressed folk get, and I have to remind myself to enjoy it.

  3. Wow.I did not know how much I needed this today until right now. I am writing this through tears of relief. Thank you for the light.

  4. What a vivid wonderful dream. Thank you for sharing it and your art. You shine.

  5. That is so beautiful, thank you.

    It reminds me of the advice that, when can’t see the end of the tunnel, step where you can see light and then wait for further instructions. Maybe we need to look for other’s light to guide us.

  6. This is beautiful. It just makes so much sense. Sometimes we are the light-givers. Other times we are blinded by our own depression and wait for a light-giver to come.

  7. This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Heart lifting. Thank you.

  8. That is completely and utterly beautiful. Thank you! You are amazing!

  9. This is lovely! You are so talented. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  10. Glad you’re doing better, and I hope it continues.

    I do hope that hairstyle never catches on, though. Or that whoever does do their hair that way uses flashlights instead of candles to prevent forest/cave/house fires.

  11. I’ve printed it because it’s amazing and I feel a need to color it. I love all of your art/drawings/doodles. Thank you for sharing <3

  12. So very beautiful, and thank you for sharing both the dream, and the wonderful picture that came with it. I know, many times you are the light bringer. You spread much happiness, delight, comfort and hope, even in those times when you can not see it, and I know sometimes you are the one needing the light, and I am glad your family and friends can sometimes bring it for you, or at least we can move the dangerous things from your path while you shed your radiant light and hope in your passing by.

  13. You’re exactly right about the meaning (and I’m not big into dream meaning), but while you may be in the darkness yourself, you are able to show others the light (through your writing).

  14. Love this and you! Thank you so much for being you! Keeping things real and honest, remember “happiness can be found even in the darkest if one only remembers to turn the light on~Albus Dumbledore”

  15. That was absolutely beautiful. Thanks for bringing light to my life even when you are not feeling well.

  16. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jenny!!
    I needed this today, specifically today, as I, too, am slowly coming out of a depression.
    Thank you so much for the gift of your writing, and art, and the very precious gift of YOU!

  17. She is beautiful, just like you are.
    I am glad the light is reaching your eyes again 🙂

  18. That is a beautiful piece of art, it’s not what I need today, but I like that it will be here when I do need it. Thank you for shining so brightly jenny.

  19. Thank you for being a light-bearer and one who sees, reflects and bathes in the light.

  20. That is a wondrous dream. What a fantastic gift you gave yourself and then you gave it to us. Thank you.

  21. The drawing and the message are both so very beautiful. This is going over my desk at work, in a prominent place at home, and I’ll be carrying one around with me too, just for good measure. Wait, make that two….one extra to hand out as necessary.

  22. You are a beautiful person. Remember that. I will remind myself that I am too. Hugging myself and sending one on to you.

  23. Jenny, I’m moving into a new house soon and I want this to be the first picture that I hang on my wall. How beautiful…both the dream and the drawing, and especially the energy behind them both. We stick together, even when we’re not together.

  24. This is incredible and a much needed reminder that I will make it through the darkness.

    Stay awesome!

  25. It seems that you were channeling The Brothers Grimm. This story has a definite fairy tale quality, without the scary stuff. I’ve had those dreams of clarity where All Is Explained, but then I wake up and it’s gone! How lucky that you remembered this one. Nice imagery.

  26. Fuck Disney Princesses. The Woman in the Forest of Night has them all beat hands down. What a lovely allegory.

  27. You’re a light to us, Jenny, even if you can’t see it.

    My mother has a saying: There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not an oncoming train.

  28. I think you’re the blind girl in the dream, bringing light even when you can’t see/feel it.

    Truly. I’m always amazed when you write a post in the midst of your darkest days and somehow manage to be funny, insightful, caring and just generally the ultimate badass that you are.

    My depression is more of the grey variety — everything, including me, my emotions, my thoughts, my energy level, my desires (or, more accurately, my lack thereof), everything is grey and so utterly pointless that I end up doing a whole lot of nothing.

    So, your ability to “do” anything–and to do it so damn well!–while still in the grips of it is stunning and impressive!

    You’re the light bringer, even when you’re totally in the dark.

  29. On a light note, I didn’t see beacon. I saw bacon instead of beacon, so the sentence read :
    You may not always feel it, but trust me, you are bacon touching farther than you know.
    And then I wanted bacon.

    On a serious note, we never do know when we are that beacon of light for someone else, only that we so appreciate it when someone else is. Right now, I’m carrying my little beacon. After many years of infertility and numerous IVF treatments, I got pregnant with our random bedroom baby (as I was calling our potential IVF babies “lab babies”, it only seemed fair). She is a beacon for our whole family after a really rough couple of years. She may never realize the light she’s already brought to so many lives, but we’ve all been thankful for it.

    Know that you are a beacon of light and hope for many of us, and that the smiles you bring help each of us is that little bit of light that shines on someone else. What an amazing effect we each have, and don’t even realize it!

  30. I was given a piece of advice about 20 years or so ago, that has helped me through the darker times of my depression: This, too, shall pass. It has gotten me through so many rough patches, to be able to tell myself, yeah things suck right now, but just stick with it til the ride ends. Sometimes you have to be this high to ride this ride.

  31. I don’t know squat about art, but I love this. It belongs in your next book, along with your words, which I also love.

  32. I think you don’t realize how often you are blind to the light you share. Thank for this; it is powerful.

  33. Thank you. I’ve been needing a message of hope and you are always the best messenger because you understand the darkness that we live in sometimes. I’ll be buying a copy when its up in your shop. But for now it’ll be my screensaver. This would make a great piece to sell and donate the proceeds to a charity of your choosing.

  34. You made me happy cry. Thanks so much. May I use this as my profile pic on social media? I pomise to credit you.

  35. You have the best dreams, Jenny! Just so you know, the blind girl with the candelabra hair is you. We all love you so much that we are happy to help you navigate safely through this world because you are our light in the darkness.

  36. You have the perfect children’s book there complete with illustration. Finish it, you already have a publisher and track record

    Sent from my iPhone


  37. This touched me so deeply…what a beautiful image to keep in my head for when I need it the most. And what an important reminder of the difference we can make by quietly keeping each other safe or by shining a warm glow on others. I feel so blessed to have found you, Jenny, and your strange, wonderful Tribe of the Beautifully Broken. Thank you.

  38. That is lovely! I think you are a gifted artist because you always tell a story with your work. I have started painting as self-care… There is something magical about creating something, isn’t there? 🙂

    I am struggling too, but find comfort in two songs lately. Maybe they will help you or someone else here as well?

    You There


  39. ummm crying at work is frowned upon so I’m calling it allergies – thank you for sharing this lovely dream and story. Love the picture too.

  40. Thank you. Am locked alone in my bedroom with the lights off and was feeling so alone until I read this. Thank you for the small flicker of light in a very, very dark place, when it was desperately needed.

  41. Absolutely beautiful, both the story and your drawing. I’m so glad that there is light again for you now, and I hope that it lasts. Your blog and your books mean so much to me, and has helped me highlight the difficulties of living with depression to so many people. Even when you feel like you’re trapped in a dark cave, you are a beacon for so many people and my life is so much better since I discovered your writing.

  42. Thank you. My world is a more hopeful place because you are in it and are who you are.

  43. Oh man… So beautiful. And now I’m all sniffly and my screen suddenly got blurry.

  44. Awww, now I’m cryin at work.
    Thank you for your light and for sharing your darkness too so it’s not so scary for the rest of us.

  45. That is just beautiful. Beautiful words, and a beautiful drawing. From a beautiful heart. Thanks.

  46. Note to self: don’t read The Bloggess at work, lest my co-workers wonder why I’m sitting at my desk leaking tears.

  47. This is so beautiful but for some reason it hurt and I can’t stop crying.

  48. What a wonderful dream! And you, the beautiful, shining dreamer. Thank you for the light.

  49. SO feels!! Ooh Jenny that is a magical dream, thank you for sharing it with us. Most people I know take turns sitting in the darkness but they (including myself) don’t realize the light they bring to others in the dark when we can. This drawing is…. just I love it so hard!! I didn’t know how much I needed this great big squishy hugs and wine slushies Welcome back from the dark I saved your spot <3

  50. This was beautiful and touching. Thank you for illuminating a moment in my life. You are amazing.

  51. The mental health practice where I work just participated in a town hall on teen suicide last night, and I feel that your drawing and the explanation of your dream could be so powerfully applied in those situations…to provide hope to those who are feeling hopeless. Thank you for sharing this!!

  52. What a lovely image! You have way better dreams that me. Mine usually involve being back in school or college, but everything is different and I can’t find a bathroom. Then I wake up and realize that I have to pee…

  53. This is beautiful. I don’t often go into a super dark place, but when I do, it’s scary for everyone. (And usually involves doing something drastic to my hair. And spending hours building Legos and ignoring everything else.) I’m going to print this out and keep it to color whenever I take a nosedive into the darkness. It’ll be a good reminder for me. Thank you. <3

  54. You have some extremely poetic dreams! I usually just find myself sitting on the hood of a speeding car and point out street signs…

  55. Thank you – perfect timing…I wonder how many others are suddenly having trouble with their screens getting all blurry?

  56. I am teared up at work and hoping no one notices.

    You are a light in the darkness and I am grateful for you.

  57. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this. I can’t tell you how badly I needed this right now. Yesterday I kind of lost it with a co-worker. I inappropriately took my frustrations out on someone who was just asking for help. I was the “worst version” of myself and regretted it almost immediately. The fact that I added “almost” to that sentence is the part that concerned me the most because, in my own mind, I started to feel the tiniest bit justified in my abhorrent reaction. Then I thought, “What the heck is wrong with me?!” I actually took to the internet for advice on how to stop being frustrated/annoyed about various things/people/situations and came upon this: “The key to happiness is low expectations.” No, really? That actually made me feel worse. It just didn’t resonate. Fortunately I came upon your post, and it just blew me away. It touched me deeply … to the point of tears, and it reminded me that we’re all in this together. We’re all connected. This sounds corny, but your words and drawing have made my heart feel light again. Seriously. It’s an actual physical feeling, for lack of a better description, in my chest. Like you kick-started my heart chakra, or something. Thank you. I will pay it forward.

  58. Right back at you! Thank u for sharing your soul with us

  59. It is truly ironic that those who have vision often do not see the light. It takes a blind person to show us what is worth seeing. Beautiful insight Jenny – hope your bright day lasts forever.

  60. I have dreams like that sometimes. Wonderful, amazing dreams that stay with me for days. Most of the time I don’t even know how my mind could conceive such epic concepts….don’t these epiphanies only come to saints and savants? Either way, I’m so glad your mind gave you such a gift. Welcome back to the light.

  61. Definitely not crap. I am printing it now. I am deep in the darkness of anxiety and depression, which has created a kind of agoraphobia. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can pretend there is light from myself or from you all here. Must start recording my dreams in some way again. I used to do it. Dreams are just amazing. Yours is a doozy! Thank you. Love and hugs to you and the whole tribe! (I am CaitAdams on twitter, if you are curious.)

  62. I think this is the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. Thank you.

  63. What a beautiful dream. You dreamed of yourself. You don’t always know the delight that you bring to us, Flame-haired girl, but you do. Walk on, shine bright.

  64. So very lovely – the dream, the drawing, and the interpretation! Thank you for sharing.

  65. CHILDREN’S BOOK! OMG, THE WORLD NEEDS THIS, JENNY!!! Thank you so much for your insight and your beauty. We love you!

  66. Love this & love you, CandleGirl. Your mind, your vision, your sharing… even your darkness. I hate that you have to feel the darkness, but I love how you work with it, capture it, tame it and turn it into inspirating light which growing from you as naturally as your locks.

  67. You move me more than words can say, but I am going to try. I am astounded at your talents. As a writer you can bring me to tears with laughter and then with emotion that I can relate to so deeply but would never know how to express in words. And then I see your artwork, which moves me in the same way. You are simply magical and yet you are so magically simple. Thank you for existing.

  68. #ramblepost coming

    Sky I love this and I need it some days but someone I love so much needs it today, so I’m gonna make her a picture of that. So yeah there’s that. Also I read this story once about how some deaf blind lady got her cane stolen by some aholes and then kind of this happened, hang on, let me see if I can find it for you

    Then also I just realised that #wheresrory is just a few changes from #weresorry and I feel that says everything about this wonderful little world 😀 #sorrynotsorry

  69. The way you find beauty and magic even in the throes of your depression are awe inspiring. You ARE a light.

  70. Jenny, You’ve been a light for me; reading your books and your blog has set me forward onto my own path of finding out what’s going on in my head and how to fix it, a path that is winding and confusing and right now very dark and in need of illumination, which I very much hope to get from my doctor this week. The entire #BloggessTribe has been the collective that I’ve needed for so very long, and I’m grateful to you for being the candlewearer who has brought us together to help light the way for each other.

  71. Your gifts are innumerable. You are amazing and you, Jenny, bring light to so many, even when you are in darkness. You are the girl. We love you for it.

  72. This is the most beautiful post that I have read. It causes me to have that face that I cannot control right before you cry. You are so beautiful in your heart. I wish the darkness would stay away.

  73. Beautiful story and drawing. You are amazing. You help me to be a better friend to my friends who have depression.

  74. You have been my beacon. This last year has been filled with so many things that left me wanting to just close my eyes and forever sleep! I am coming out of the dark and just want you to know how much you ate loved!

  75. Have you ever considered writing an illustrated short story? Like a children’s book that could be for kids of all ages? This has the makings of one. I’d buy it. And read it. And gift it. And such.

  76. “Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” – Anne Lamott

  77. What a beautiful mysterious image. My storyteller mind immediately wanted to know what happened next. Thank for sharing those wonderful words & this beautiful image. ✨✨✨

  78. Exquisitely beautiful! Your picture and your words! Thank you for being a light in my darkness. In the worst of depression and anxiety, I can visit with you online and know that I’m not alone, have a laugh or too, and sometimes even a glimpse of that precious light.

  79. Tears because it is a beautiful drawing, a heartfelt sentiment, and, most of all, because I completely understand.

  80. I’ve been quietly following your blog for a long time and this is among my favorite things you’ve made. I hope you realize how often you’ve been this beacon to many people, including me. Thank you for that. PS: You would write the best children’s fables/ fairy tales. You’re the perfect amount of whimsical and twisted to do it. ❤️

  81. Welcome back to the light!! I am glad you can see it now. Your words and humor have helped me during a difficult time. I describe my times of depression as a world without color. I’m always surprised when the color comes back to my world..

  82. Beautiful. You have helped me to define the way I feel with your words. Thanks.

  83. Lovely, Jenny! Thanks for sharing your dream, thoughts, and art. You are unique and quite beautiful.

  84. Beautiful. And synchronicity: the only horoscope I follow is Rob Brezsny and this is the one for the coming week: “The following excerpt from Wendell Berry’s poem “Woods” captures the essence of your current situation: “I part the out-thrusting branches and come in beneath the blessed and the blessing trees. Though I am silent there is singing around me. Though I am dark there is vision around me. Though I am heavy there is flight around me.” Please remember this poem at least three times a day during the next two weeks. It’s important for you to know that no matter what murky or maudlin or mysterious mood you might be in, you are surrounded by vitality and generosity.” Thank you for all the loveliness you bring the world (and all the silly bits, too).

  85. Do you have any idea how many people love you deeply. With every post you help all of us in some way. Thank you so much. Never stop sharing.

    Kate Ramsey

  86. I’m lying here in a hospital bed hopped up on morphine, and this was so beautiful to me. I’m so happy you are seeing the light because you deserve it. Plus I’m having my own amazing dreams/hallucinations–in one, I was riding a flying dog over a gorgeous fishing village.

  87. You’ve got me beat. Last night I dreamed I discovered a shrimp living in a blow-up kiddie pool and as I tried to feed it bread crumbs it made a break for the edge of the pool and escaped. I shouted “Stop!” out loud and woke myself up. Not nearly as inspiring.

  88. I needed this today. It would have been my 2nd wedding anniversary, and my ex husband just proposed to the woman he cheated on me with and left me for. It has been a dark time for me. I needed some light.

  89. As I sit here at my work desk – and I am in the throes of feeling blue and down – my desk light is forming a bit of a helix/glo for me – my vision seems to get blurry when i’m down. I find you to be one of those people for me who constantly helps guide me gently through the dark forest and I am so inspired by your stories and drawings – thank you for sharing! Made my day:)

  90. Thank you! Though you can’t always see it… you are a light. Needed to see this today. Thank you for being a light!

  91. If the dreamer is actually everyone and everything in the dream (which I suspect is true) YOU are the human hair-chandelier and the candles and those removing obstacles. Thank you for sharing everything <3

  92. Also, please, please, please release a coloring book of your drawings.

  93. I cried reading this. I also shared it on Facebook. I call my depression “the deep black hole” and really hate when I fall into it. This captures so much of what you give to others along this strange trip.

    Thank you. Know you are loved.

  94. Well that just made my day….. Nice to be reminded that one is Never Alone.
    P.S. on a random note the candelabra made me think of Liberace. Great performer but unapologetic when it came to all the fur coats he wore which made me dislike him.

  95. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your story of the #girloflight today. You are glorious. Thank-you.

  96. The best.
    You know the darkness is worth it, when after you’re out, you can write amazing shit like this.

  97. Thank you for sharing all of your bits.. both good & bad. This ranks up there pretty high on the awesome list. I hope your light continues to shine.

  98. I really really REALLY needed to see this right now. Thank you. I currently feel like the light on the top of my head is being smothered by a brass candlestick thingie… Your image gives me hope, too.

  99. Well two of us had active brains today, but my brain wrote fan fiction this morning instead:

    Samwell and Jon Snow from Game of Thrones were rounding up members of the Night’s Watch that were buried in snow drifts. I recall they pulled Dolorius Edd out of a particularly high drift and he was quite the grey colored nightsicle.

    There was a giant that could freeze a river that was between the good guys and the bad guys. He would slowly wave something like an ax back and forth like a pendulum on a clock and the river would freeze and unfreeze. The giant was a bad guy and it was presumed would go hulk smash on the good guys when the next phase of the attack commenced.

    The good guys were being attacked by British soldiers who were all in blue and by storm troopers. The British soldiers were attacking the good guys that were holed up in a building that, on the outside, looked suspiciously like my workplace. The dream even included the revolving door that required a badge to get in. This fact was slowing the blue coated British down.

    Between buildings,there was a small mall and food court with windows that faced south which allowed the occupants the ability to see the attackers, but yet they were nonplussed and blithely going about gathering their morning coffees. Frankly, I support their decision in this. One cannot start the day, nor a potential massacre without coffee.

    Two completely fictional Pokemon freed by the good guys flew over the battle field. One was blue, the other red.

    Arya Stark showed up behind the storm troopers and used magic to make fog and walked through them. she did not kill anyone

    then the alarm went off

  100. I’d like you to post this on imgur. There are dozens of us there. Dozens!

  101. My inner-child is dancing (can literally feel her vibration). She believes this would be wonderful as an illustrated children’s (ages 1-99) storybook. Please consider taking this a step further and touching the wounded children before they become adults.

  102. Wow! That’s so beautiful and important! I’m putting it in my bedroom wall right now, so I can surprise my partner with it when he gets home. It says exactly what we try to remind each other everyday.
    Thank you so much! The ammount of light that you, your blog, and everyone that is part of it bring to our lives is so amazing!

  103. I think you are the beacon of light, a lighthouse on a rock, guiding the ships passing through your blog.

  104. I’m always amazed at the color that reappears when my depression starts to lift away. I’ll just look up one day and trees are magically 8 different shades of green. It’s a happy sign that things are getting better.

    Also, I want to color in the pages of a coloring book inspired by that dream and drawing.

  105. I try to leave myself reminders that the darkness won’t last. It’s a shame that I can’t trust myself to believe it.

  106. I watch my beautiful daughter battle anxiety and depression and its a daily struggle. She fights so hard and yet, this insidious disease just crashes over her like a wave- powerful and uncaring of its destructive forces on her life. Then i read your words and it gave me a thought. Like i always tell my Southern friends who cannot understand why i stay in Wisconsin through its cold, snowy winters — i couldn’t appreciate the Spring if i do not endure the winter. Maybe that’s what is happening here. The light at the end of the tunnel of depression is just that much brighter because of the darkness you had to go through to get there.

  107. This fits in with the book I’m reading: “Homer’s Odyssey: A Fearless Feline Tale, or How I Learned About Love and Life with a Blind Wonder Cat” by Gwen Cooper. I am loving it!

  108. This just gave me the archetypal medicine shivers. I’d pay good money to hang out in the place where your dreams come from, lady.

  109. Thank you for the lovely picture and for sharing the story of your dream to go with it. I am currently reading Furiously Happy and I just wanted to share that I never knew anyone else who passed out at the vet. I did that the first time I took my first kitty baby and I have felt close since then but now I believe my body when it tells me. I never realized that maybe i have an anxiety issue. I also once passed out on the sidewalk in Portland Oregon. And came to with people walking by. I guess they just thought I was drunk but I wasn’t. Thanks for sharing so I feel a kindred spirit!

  110. Oh My, what to say, how to spell, am crying and cannot see what I am writing. You touch my heart and my life in so many ways. Blessings and Love and Blessings.

  111. This would make a wonderful children’s book. I think you should write it .

  112. I love this so much. I copy and pasted the whole thing into a document which I’m now printing out to share with my clients that struggle with depression. Thank you! 🙂

  113. As I was reading this I thought, you were dreaming of yourself. You are the light for so many people in darkness. She is you!

  114. It’s been a really difficult 8~ weeks. For the first time in 18 months, it’s purely psych based and not blurred with physical issues. The hurt is so different; so visceral and raw.

    Thank you for making me feel less alone today.

  115. This is really freaking amazing, you should write a book based off this. Its definitely not a story I’m going to forget soon!

  116. You should write a book around this, its beautiful! I’m definitely not going to forget this story anytime soon! Its been kind of a weird and rough couple of weeks for me, but this helps.

  117. and you are often the one moving the dangerous things from people’s paths. Even if it is they are the dangerous thing to themselves.

  118. Oh, this is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing and being a light in the dark.

  119. This is beautiful and made me cry. I really, really needed to read this today. Thank you so very much for sharing (this and everything else).

  120. Oh, Jenny… YOU are sooooooooo the light to so many people. I wish you never had to doubt it. Thank you for the beautiful rendering and for the gift of you.

  121. With so much negativity going around today, this is an incredibly refreshing read. I think it goes without saying that you, Jenny, are certainly a wonderful Candelabra girl, bringing us all together, and we’re all lucky to be able to bask in each others’ light. This was incredibly inspiring and gorgeous– your mind works wonders in rest. Keep your head up, and shine on, you crazy ass diamond! ^_^ <3

  122. This is such an uplifting post. Thank you for sharing. It’s funny, but there’s a book titled “All the Light We Cannot See.” It’s about a blind girl during World War II. I was just recommending it to a friend today. I think it’s synchronicity that you used those same words in your post today, wouldn’t you agree?

  123. This was so inspiring. I have never read anything like it before. It shines such hope in whatever we are going through! Thank you for your bravery.

  124. Exquisite! Thank you for sharing- you really do brighten up our lives, Jenny!

  125. Thank you for this wonderful post. What a beautiful dream. I hope it keeps you hopeful.

  126. I so appreciate how you value connection even when times are dark. Or light for a moment and you’re afraid they’ll get dark again. Thank you.

  127. This is so beautiful. It is a dream full of so much meaning and your drawing is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your dream message and your art and your words and your heart.

  128. I know depression. You are a light to me, and I look forward to your thoughtful posts. Thanks!

  129. dear Jenny… Thank you for your honest funny heartbreaking posts and books. I’m new to your world and you have already helped me to begin being honest about my health challenges and the side effects of all that. I am humbled by the breadth of your health issues and your outlook and support of Victor and Hailey. Thank you for these lovely posts during challenging times. You make a difference. My oldest son just graduated and it was all so great. Achy now but all so worth it. Hugs

  130. Beautiful story, beautiful drawing, and beautiful saying around the bottom of her hem.

  131. Beautiful..It’e you, Jenny. You may be in darkness but you have given countless others light that shines through your books and blog.

  132. That is the most inspirational story!!!! Thank you! I’m so glad you are coming back into the light. Maybe I will join you.

  133. I needed this. Thank you. May I share this with my students? I know that it will resonate with some of them as it has with me. They are walking the path as well, fighting the liar called depression, and it may be just what they need to see and hear.

  134. Jenny, have you ever thought about writing and illustrating a children’s book? Every time you post another of your drawings, I’m just enchanted!

  135. Like the person above me said, please turn this into a children’s book. It’s a beautiful story, and it would great as a mental health story for kids too.

  136. me thinks toy are a brave beautiful warrior of the dark…. keep shining your light…..

    i loved the dream interpretation and your realization of its meaning is so profound.

  137. Today I am in darkness. As usual, I have no idea why. And that darkness makes me feel ashamed to reach out yet again to my friends to save me — it feels desperate, shameful, like begging. So thank you, strangers whom I’ve never met, for giving me courage to hang on just one more day. And tomorrow maybe the sun will shine. But for today, your light has touched me and given me courage to keep going.

  138. You are awesome and totally a bad ass light for all of us.
    Of course we hope to be a light to you and others. Isn’t that basically our job on this earth, share joy and love and laughter and bizarrely wonderful things…
    Hugs to you!!

  139. I’m so glad you can see fully again. Thank you for all the ways you bring light to each of us even when you a felling “dim.”

  140. Thanks for the words! It’s so hard to remind ourselves we are still worthy sometimes.

  141. printing and hanging in my classroom. it will bring light to my many hurting teens, as it brings hope to me.
    thank you!

  142. I want a coloring book with your amazing black-and-white drawings, that would be way better to color than the usual images. Please ?

  143. Thank you for the light you have brought into my life. You are that girl with the candelabra hair. You touch so many of us without seeing us. You have changed our lives and made us hopeful. Your words have changed how I feel about my mental illness.

    You are like Galadriel. “I give you the light of Eärendil, our most beloved star. May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”

    Your words are our Eärendil.

  144. The idea that what we could all do, quite simply, is quietly move the dangers from each other’s paths?


    It’s like “First, do no harm” and “do unto others” and “we’re all just walking each other home,” but… better. If you can’t help the person, at least ease his or her way.

    I like that. Thank you.

  145. She’s so lovely and the imagery behind her is amazing. Thank you for sharing her and being able to embody all aspects of her and her journey.

  146. That drawing is sooooo going to my journal. And please, remember you are such an inspiration for lots of us. Thank you.

  147. You, my dear, are the light. Your humor and power and resilience shows us all the way through the darkness. You are my hero. Love you much.

  148. So glad you can see the light today! You need to compile your drawings and put them all in a book. One that can be flipped through for inspiration or colored on or taken out and given to those who need a little extra light. I love them!

  149. The imagery you evoke with your words is so powerful and beautiful, I am in awe of your talent.

  150. That is by far, the most beautiful dream I have ever been privileged to hear about. What a wonderful message. I’m going to take it with me, or at least try to remember to take it with me, when I’m in the darkness and don’t know where to go.

  151. Sending much love and light into your world… thank you so much for this inspirational and beautiful post! I will be honored to display your picture on my wall at work. I’d love to see this picture on other items for purchase from your store. Will keep an eye out. Again thank you and have a blessed day!

  152. You are a beacon of light, giving us happiness and laughter, even in our collective darkness. <3

  153. sounds like the girl was you and the people removing dangerous obstacles were your spirit guides. they are telling you they are here to help you in times of darkness. the candles represent the light you give for others as inspiration. the blindfold is your depression.

  154. This kind of wrecked me this morning. Wow. Thank you for these beautiful words. It was what I needed this morning.

  155. I love this and think I will print one out for each of my daughters to hang in their rooms. I like empowering reminders for them. You really are a light for all of us

  156. Some dream interpretations say we are everything in our dream. Perhaps you were dreaming about yourself and the abundant light you give off, unaware of how much you brighten the lives of so many around you. Makes sense to me 🙂

  157. It seem also that YOU are the light. Despite your blindness, you venture out into the darkness and bring light to others n the dark.

    I discovered you when I was looking for something fun to read. I am heartened when I read that we have so much in common – some of the big stuff and lots of the ” trip-over-myself-just walking-down-the-street stuff.

    Thanks Jenny.

  158. i just keep re-reading. so lovely. so powerful. you shine so brightly! thanks.

  159. I have a few people in my life who truly inspire me. You are one of those people. I’m so glad you and I are on the same team.

  160. Dusty in here…something in both my eyes…

    Jenny, thank you for being OUR lovely bright light, sending these words out into the world to help SO many people you’ll never know. What a gift.

  161. My best friend’s father died this morning. I’ve called him dad for 35 years. I’m at her house, cleaning. And arranging. And making her eat. And loving on her 10 year old. And I guess I’m the light today. I forget I am the light sometimes. And
    Today Renee and I are her light.

  162. I really needed to hear this today. And the picture is beautiful, you should offer prints. I would love to buy one. Thank you for sharing.

  163. Looking at the picture, I wonder is she blind or . . . blindfolded?

  164. This is exactly what I needed right now. I am battling the darkness through yet another med change and it’s hard to see the light that I pray will come soon. Your reminder that I might be someone else’s light gives me renewed strength to fight my lying brain! I am so glad I found you Jenny!

  165. Thank you 🙂 what a wonderfully meaningful dream. Thank you for sharing it and thank you for sharing your light with us 🙂

  166. Your description of your dream was the most gorgeous, elegant, and devouring thing I’ve read recently. Had it been the beginning of a novel or short story, I would be desperate for more! You have such a way with words. I cannot relate to the Darkness, but the light has been particularly troublesome for me the last several days, due to intense sinus headaches (thanks, Mother Nature). So feel free to borrow all the light you need. That goes for anyone else who needs it, too 🙂

  167. This is breathtaking. You are my person, just far away and one I’ve yet to personally meet.

    I told my therapist recently that no matter how dark it got for me, I always knew I’d eventually see light. It was just a matter of how long I was in the darkness. Your dream reminded me of that.

  168. I love the message and that we can all help each other through the darkness.

  169. this is so beautifully written. At first I was thinking…this is kind of odd writing from funny Jenny, but then…whoa!! holy Toledo, you hit me like a ton of bricks (really good ones!) Thank you for being you!

  170. You may not see the light that you bring but never doubt that you shine. Beautiful.

  171. This needs to be a children’s book!!! I so love this. Thank you!

  172. This feels hugely important and brought a tear to my eye. Today, you are my light… x

  173. I hope you appreciate and apply your own words to you too – you bring so much light to the understanding and others. Thank-you for being a beacon of honesty in a place crowded with confusion x

  174. Embiggen??? Is that even a word? Do me a favor and have Victor give me a call or maybe I’m going go dig up Webster and ask him. And BTW I LOVE “Furiously Happy” especially the trip to Australia.. awesome! The first book was over the top though you already know that.. your fan club here in the Bay area is growing too..No wait.. maybe not. Jonathan

  175. You are such an incredible artist in many ways. And, you are a Light Spreader!! 🙂

  176. We are as here for you as you are here for us, Dear Jenny. Your Tribe in the Forest of Night. Whatever form we all take on this journey of life, we are in it TOGETHER. From all of my “me’s” to all of you, and Jenny, whether we are enshrouded in the dark or providing the light…we are not alone. You are never alone. Yes, you. We are never alone as long as we are WE.

  177. I’m not crying. There seems to be a lot of dust in the office…something’s in my eye. sniff, sniff

     -Just Andrea
  178. Such an awesome dream and fantastically beautiful drawing!! Thank you for sharing your light and for being brave and walking tall! <3 <3 <3

  179. This sounds like a children’s book along the lines of Maurice Sendak’s take on “Dear Mili”. Haunting and not necessarily for just children. So have you thought about writing a children’s book and illustrating it? If this is too loaded for you, I’m sure Ferris Mewler would have a following (as he well knows).

  180. I love this.
    Jenny, do you have any tips for getting the bully out of one’s head? Bc I know depression lies, but my bully is really, REALLY convincing. Thank you.

  181. This is so touching, especially with everything you’ve been going through lately. Thank you for sharing your light, your wit and your kindness. It brought tears to my eyes when I read it.

  182. Thank you for sharing your ‘Dreamland’ visit! You make my heart smile, whether in darkness or in light!

  183. Sweetie, you must know. You bring the light to us even when you can’t see it. If you don’t know, we’ll tell you a million times over.

    As always, your message was beautifully translated for us in picture and words. Shine on. xo

  184. When I read this- I immediately drew a parallel to Emily Doe.
    She is the blind girl- others are helping her find her way, and she IS a beacon for so many…even though her hair is on fire (figuratively)

    (Emily Doe is the Stanford rape victim- do not google her if you don’t know who she is and you care about any sort of justice)

  185. I wrote a blog today, before I found this, about my peculiar form of depression / sadness / malaise.

    I wrote this – A moment in a moment where the dark of my soul fought the light of my soul. And I found a bit of Hope.

    I truly hope you find your Hope.

  186. Your posts always leave me much needed optimism, or added positive thinking and vibes. I have severe Crohns, and recently recovering from what is hopefully the last surgery for many years. My mortality has been weighing heavily upon my mind and I am always thinking…”I gotta get it all done…” But what am I really trying accomplish lately beside quality of life, and staying alive? I apologize if this sounds depressing, but at the end the day, I know I accomplished staying alive. Past and through the negative thoughts that run around like hamsters on cocaine, and other day on Nyquil. I won’t ever be free of Crohns, unless they find a cure…(crossing my fingers). But every morning I wake up, I try to be light for all those around me, and sometimes I turn to others for light, because although I feel alone, Jenny, you help me to not feel so lonely.

  187. Please please PLEASE have your next book be an adult coloring book. PLEASE? I don’t even color and I want you to publish this. It would be amazing. I have faith in you.

  188. Beautiful picture. I hope you start to feel better soon. The loss of peripheral vision is peculiar, I agree. My brother has had no peripheral vision OR depth perception for most of his life. It really freaks people out when they ride in a car with him and then learn that fun fact about him.

  189. I’ve been reading your blog (and books) for years now, but I never really felt like I needed to comment, or like maybe it didn’t matter if I did because I would just be one of the hundreds. But recently, I’ve been drowning and scrambling and hurting and feeling alone and hopeless. And then I read your blog or remembered a post from a while ago and the hundreds who acknowledged a similar feeling. It’s so hard to remember when it didn’t hurt, when it wasn’t dark and when your brain wasn’t a fog of negativity and self-deprecation, and I really appreciate that you are so candid with your own feelings and the reminder that it’s not always this hard.

    Thank you for being an advocate and for helping me feel less alone.

  190. Dear Jenny, Thank you for this amazing share. Depression is a liar and a thief, you remind me that I have been through this before, felt like this before and not only survived but thived.

    Amazeballs! Muah!

  191. Have you ever thought about making a coloring book? I think you drawings are lovely and the style you draw in is perfect for a coloring book. Keep the quotes and it could be an adult or children’s coloring book.

  192. Thanks for sharing this. I really needed to hear it! And the drawing is awesome too.

  193. This came at the perfect time to share with a dear friend struggling in the dark. I sent it to her and hope it helps. You help so many. Glad to hear you’re coming out of the tunnel.
    ps – Loved you books.

  194. “I know that today I can see the sun and I’m writing this down to remind myself that it comes back, and that the relief and joy at coming out of the darkness is always worth the time spent in it.”
    What a beautiful sentence. I am so happy you are feeling this way at this moment.

  195. You have the coolest brain ever, even if you think it’s broken. All I ever dream about is zombies chasing me. (Sometimes I end up befriending them because I’m like that.) That dream and your drawing are incredible!

  196. Wow. So powerful, and an amazing drawing too. Absolutely inspiring. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us all, and being a light for us.

  197. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I really needed to hear them today. I was having a pretty dark day yesterday and your words illuminate (pun indented) the positive effect we have on others. My job is to inspire college students to persist and find success even in the most daunting of situations. My husband always tells me he wishes I would inspire myself, lift myself up, as I do my students. Thank you bloggess, I love all that you do!

  198. Thank you Jenny. I really needed this light today. The reminder that it exists as well as that we are all connected through it. With much Love and Gratitude, always, for helping me find my way forward even when I feel blind.

  199. You, my dear, are a light to everyone who reads your blogs and your books. And, I was so excited to see you use the word “embiggen!” I hope you don’t mind if I like back to this blog from my own blog as it is called The Embiggens Project! lol.

  200. I love this. What a beautiful way to look at the world! Thank you for sharing.

  201. Thank you. I’ve been meaning to say it for awhile! For everything you write about and post, share or remind us of. This one was just where I needed it today, and it reminded me I’m still me in there. Even if I’m a little person in a big dark forest. There’s lots of us in the dark who want to clear your path, and for all of us who feel Ike we dwell in dark corners.

  202. Thank you. I’ve been meaning to say it for awhile! For everything you write about and post, share or remind us of. This one was just where I needed it today, and it reminded me I’m still me in there. Even if I’m a little person in a big dark forest. There’s lots of us in the dark who want to clear your path, and for all of us who feel Ike we dwell in dark corners.

  203. Not necessarily my favorite words, but my favorite words to pronounce:
    the last name of my daughter’s friend, Lateefuddin

  204. This is the most beautiful and healing blog post I have ever read on any blog ever. And using the word “apologetically” in your final sentence displayed the most extraordinary compassion and made me feel so good.
    Thank you.

  205. OMG. I love that artwork! I need to print it out for my personal mantra/image.
    Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world. You are amazing.

  206. Your publisher needs to get a colouring book out of you!! 🙂 Sending love to you.

  207. You continue to be amazing on so many levels, I really needed this! I printed your great drawing and it will hang where It will be the first thing I see when I open my eyes every morning to remind me of the light and all of our journeys together, it’s Fantabulous!

  208. You’ll think I’m nuts, but then I think you probably like people who are bit a nutty, & those who speak up, so I’m going to do so. I read this line “my depression is that I lose my peripheral vision” and I want to ask if you’ve ever had a tumor on your pituitary gland. Okay, yes, that’s a little bit personal, but those somewhat common tumors contribute to both depression and loss of peripheral vision. So…I had to ask because it might be of service to you (and I’m a mom, so…). p.s. I would’ve preferred the ecstatic raccoon smile on the Furiously Happy! THanks for making me laugh today!!!

  209. You’ll think I’m nuts, but then I think you probably like people who are bit a nutty, & those who speak up, so I’m going to do so. I read this line “my depression is that I lose my peripheral vision” and I want to ask if you’ve ever had a tumor on your pituitary gland. Okay, yes, that’s a little bit personal, but those somewhat common tumors contribute to both depression and loss of peripheral vision. So…I had to ask because it might be of service to you (and I’m a mom, so…). p.s. I would’ve preferred the ecstatic raccoon smile on the Furiously Happy! THanks for making me laugh today!!!

    (I had a growth in my thyroid once but I don’t know anything about a pituitary gland. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  210. This reminds me of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale, except in the boys’ version, somebody would move a rock from the light girl’s path and uncover a snake which would bite her and she’d die. Damn those fairy tales, they gave me nightmares when I was a child, I like your version much better!

  211. Thanks, Jenny. This has been shittiest of fucked up shitty weeks. Turned 50, been married 17 years, son with children losing house, other son just losing it… my smile and wave is wooden and fake; it certainly doesn’t reach my eyes, as was so kindly pointed out by my favorite 11 year old patron. At work. But the clincher was the rude email I received from a famous Western Author who is supposed to be doing a ‘small town community Oregon heritage’ production and after his email I don’t think I can be very nice to him… even in public.
    Also, J.S. Wright #383 might be onto something with the pituitary… I do a lot of pineal gland stimulation/activation with audio frequency and color work. I haven’t had any medical testing nor doctor advisement, because I don’t have your symptoms, but the tone and color vibrations that I use do help with the depression and the ‘habitual (?)’ (circular… repeating… vicious cycle… terminology specific to the individual 😉 ) pattern style to my emotional balance.
    Look for binaural beats and brain synchronizations and pituitary or pineal gland activations on Youtube.

    is one of my favorites and is helping me right now…

    Thanks for helping us circle the wagons and stay strong together.

  212. I’ve just gotten a chance to catch up on my reading for this week and I wanted to thank you for sharing. This is beautiful – the dream, the message you shared from it, and the art.

    It also reminded me of another post where you were asking about books we read and the feelings they give us, and it reminded us of a new book I read in March. I am a middle school reading teacher and a therapist for children and families – so I read a lot of young adult fiction. A new book, Reign of Shadows, was just released in the spring. It’s based on Rapunzel – in a dystopian world were there is only one hour of light a day and these things called “dwellers” come out to eat people if they are not some place safe during the darkness. The princess character is blind, but she is also the light in many ways. The book alternates between the POV of the female and male protagonists. It’s kind of a dark and sad world – but with hope. I will warn anyone who reads it that 1) it is YA, and while it is good, as an adult, you will probably see where it is going – especially since it is based on fairy tale rules for the most part & 2) it has the kind of cliffhanger ending that has you shaking the book and asking what happened to the next chapter.

    Your dream somehow put me back in this world. This is just an addition, since I know you enjoy books, too!

  213. After what happened this weekend, I wanted to come back to this. I wish more people would quietly move dangerous things from the paths of those around us.

  214. I LOVE this. The dream, the drawing, the words, the post, the thoughts, the feelings, the YOU who was able to see EVERYTHING, even if only for a day. Absolutely Beautiful, Jenny. Thank you. A million times, Thank you.

  215. I would read the shit out of this children’s book, if it were a children’s book. I love your dream and I love this girl with lights for hair! I hope it one day inspired you to write a children’s book about it. It would be amazing.

  216. At work before our weekly meetings we have a positive moment. Next week is my turn. I will be printing the picture for everyone and reading this to them. I need to remind them that they have all been a light for me. The darkness has been consuming me but I act like it isn’t. There is a storm going on inside me right now and when the clouds break open and the rain falls, I know there will be sunshine. Thank you.

  217. Anyone in need of a hacker? Contact , he helped me track my partner’s cell phone without physical contact which made me realize how much I was being cheated and thankfully I’ve been able to recover everything. He’s an amazing guy, just say Chris referred you, he’d help.

  218. I just recently discovered you (I know, what rock have I been living under?). I agree with others that you are the girl in your dream. Even when you are ill, you shine a light for others who are also feeling lost in the darkness.

    I just finished your book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and add me to the list of people who think you are one of the funniest people ever! I laughed until I cried when I was feeling down. Thank you for bringing wonderful light into my life!

  219. You have way better dreams than me. I read your first book, bought the second and have it on my nightstand. Then I convinced my husband to get the audio book of the first one for our recent road trip. We laughed like we hadn’t laughed in ages. I think it was the cursing. He’s going to listen to the second audio book on his own. I hope it affords him a window into my pain. I think he thinks I’m the only strange one. The only one who has dark days. He really doesn’t understand, but maybe with the idea that I’m not the only one, he’ll listen a little more. Thank you for reaching out and being a voice for those who never seem to get heard, no matter how loudly or often we scream.

  220. Wonderful post, wonderful dream and wonderful image. There is a children’s book in this beautiful dream and I hope you explore it. It would be kind of like one of those stories that has another level of meaning for the grown-ups reading it. As a librarian and a mom I would definitely add it to my library. Thank you for sharing – this totally resonated with me in the unhappy place I find myself lately.

  221. If you want to laugh at someone who’s obviously, completely, fucked in the head, I’ll add you to my Very Limited Friends List, on Fakebook. I’m an Absolute Moron, which is amusing to many-but not too many!… and insulting only to my parents. Me? I take full cred for that shit. I’m Biscuits Indahowse (at least for now. Probably not for long. I like to reinvent myself every time I’m too insane, for too long. Takes about a week.)

  222. This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. The image is so moving that I can’t find words.

  223. Bless you for your beautiful words. You are a light in this world. Even with incredible challenges you face, you bring so much joy to us. Thank you, for being a guide.k

  224. I loved Furiously Happy and excited your new book includes awesome pictures that I can color! I’ll have to break all my rules on books to actually color in it (I don’t even highlight in text books) but it will be great for my perfectionist side as I can color in the lines too!!! can’t wait!

  225. I’m certain everyone else has said this, but I am adding my voice to the Bloggess’ Celestial Choir of awesome: You’re definitely the candle girl. You cannot see your own light but you light our way and we try to move the dangerous things from your path, and we are humbled and brightened by your beauty and joy.

    That, and (and I mean this in the best possible way, so I hope you can feel the love I am sending you as I write this) I feel like you’re the kind of girl who’ll put candles in her hair and go for a walk with her eyes closed, just to light up our world.

  226. “You may not always feel it, but trust me, you are a beacon touching farther than you know. In the way you make people laugh, in the way that you show love and kindness, in the way that you are unapologetically or apologetically who you are.

    You are a light.”

    I loved this so much i decided i needed to post it on my companies youearnedit website for giving each other encouragement when they do something awesome, like help a co-workers or rock at a assignment. My boss is stupid hard on herself in life and career even though i secretly wish to be as motivated and outgoing as she is. I tell her in my own little ways and have even made her cry before, but i know shes switches back to her own insane standards the minute i leave her office. Thank for giving me words to hopefully spread joy.
    …..Even if everyone thinks i’m weird (i have social anxiety, a chemical imbalance and a longgggg history with depression, so being considered weird isn’t news at 32 years old haha).