In the last few years my parents have finally figured out texting, which is wonderful but also often baffling because it often lacks the context you might get from a normal conversation.
Example:
(I apologize if you are not familiar with a “gut pile” or why anyone would point a trail camera at one but in my father’s defense, we live in Texas. ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE BEARS IN TEXAS? That’s a weird aside but someone just saw one not far from where I live and I had no idea we had bears. Wtf.)
Anyway, the text I got from my dad this weekend was no exception:
And yes, some might think an unexpected photograph of an old coffin would be a threat but I guess I sort of assumed that he was buying his coffin early at an estate sale because that seems like something he would do, but apparently he thought that I might want it, which is mortifying because what a weird thing to think about your kid and also because it’s exactly the kind of thing I would buy. He texted that I might not want it because he was warned that it was haunted, but that on the upside it’s solid mahogany and was just $350 was “only slightly-used one time and only during the daytime.” And while I admit that $350 is a pretty good price and “haunted” isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker for me, I was a little unsettled by the “only used once in the daylight” because…temperamental vampire? Zombies? Rehearsal resurrection?
And even more unsettling was his next texts:
“I fit in it.”
So I told Victor that my dad was fit-checking slightly-used coffins and he just stared at me and I was like, “Insane, right? But actually it’s a really good price considering it’s mahoga-” and then Victor noped right out of the room before I even finished my sentence and then Hailey was like, “What is wrong with you?” so I guess being thrifty skips a generation.
PS. He sent me another one showing me the inside but why are there scratches on the inside of the lid? I have more questions.
:’-D
$350 is a steal for a coffin! Buy it!
Ps. I would been a much better look at the head/beak proportions to try to id the black birds. Or their tails in flight.
$350 is a really good price, the scratches are a tad disconcerting though. We’ll be optimistic and say maybe the lid got dropped?
CRYING. I AM CRYING.
1. Also in Texas and have never seen a bear.
2. I am jealous of your slightly used, possibly haunted mahogany coffin.
3. Nice bong! (OK, I realized it wasn’t a bong next to the coffin, but for the first few minutes, I was convinced)
When I lived in SLC 20+ years ago, there was a local coffin outlet store. I guess there’s outlet stores for everything?
What a great buy! It would definitely join my Halloween display.
“….then Victor noped right out of the room” 🤣
It’s lovely. Put some legs on it and you have a nice coffee table. My guess on the scratches is that it was used as a prop for a theatrical production or a haunted house.
The scratches are actually proof it was only “slightly used, in daylight”! Clearly someone was found one morning to have ‘passed’ overnight. Ye old funeral home is called. They make the pickup, and shortly after the dearly departed is placed in their final resting place…. One begins to hear the tell tale rustles and bumps indicative of a rush to judgement.
The formerly departed is quickly removed and sent to the hospital to be checked over and our poor undertaker friend is stuck with a used casket and no one to bury.
At the library summer reading program with my 6 year old. When I opened this email and literally laughed out loud at Victor’s reaction, I had to think fast to avoid explaining what was so funny to all the kids and the librarian who gave me a “look”.
So thanks for that Jenny!
Or put some legs on it, hinge the lid, and you have an awesome bar!
It’s beautiful has coffin look but it’s small it’s must have been for young vampire and the scratch is probably his giant bat (yes they exist from South America they are fruit bats my cousin eat one but didn’t know at the time it’s delicacy in this country ho I remember it’s the Easter island yes the one with the extremely weird status of giant heads ) but I digress so a fruit bat because….. This vampire is vegan that why the coffin ⚰️ is small the poor he only drink Borch ( beets 🍲 soup) 🧛🧛🧛
Clearly the vampire that was living in it had long fingernails so he scratched it…
Ok, this is really weird, I was taking a second look at the photo of the scratches on the inside of the coffin lid, (clearly not fingernail scratches, more it was likely dropped while moving it,) and I swear I see a face or skull, and body form or shroud impression on the inside of the lid.
I would say it’s definitely haunted, and you need to have it blessed with holy water and a priest to set the poor soul free to move on, or to banish the entity so it doesn’t cause havoc in your lives.
I’m an empath, and there is definitely a presence there.
And I think they are crows, ravens have stockier beaks and larger bodies and have more bristles under their beaks.
So envious of the estate sales in your area! You find incredible artwork from an unknown artist and occasionally some nice taxidermized (this is what Spellcheck wants me to use) items. Your dad finds a lovely, slightly used mahogany coffin. Here, it’s all overstuffed orange & brown La-Z-Boys and old garden tools.
I saw three bears while hiking in Big Bend National Park in November 2022.
My father is just learning to text because so many people are doing it. He’s not looking at used coffins, but he did work in a funeral home.
It’s beautiful but a bit tight. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable if you accidentally get buried while still alive. Also, not much space to maneuver if it’s an I’ve-got-to-escape-this-coffin-with-just-what’s-in-my-pockets situation.
As on-brand as a giraffe head and neck sticking out of the bed of a pickup.
Would make a fun coffee table.
Totally go for the coffee table until it has a better use… VICTOR. 😉
I love your dad.
Give him a hug, from a random internet stranger, who lost her amazing father 46 years, 2 months, and 9 days ago.
(Yes, I counted, and I have missed him for every second of that time.)
I’m with Victor (if Victor couldn’t stop laughing on his way out.)
The haunting voice you hear telling you to buy it is not wrong.
Keep the texts. My daughter and I would play the “what do you think grandma meant with this word” whenever she texted, and I’m sorry that I deleted them (mom’s passed on).
I lived in TX for 20 odd years and never once saw a bear. But I was in Dallas and Austin, soooo bears don’t like the city?
DEFINITELY buy the coffin, it will make a great display table in the bookstore!!
Are those air holes?
OMG! This ranks right on up there with Beyoncé.
I saw a gut pile once. Didn’t know what it was called at the time, but I knew for sure it was a pile of guts. About the coffin… $350 is a good price for mahogony, but the scratches are freaking me out.
Only used once, during daylight hours. Scratches on inside of lid. I’m starting to think the person they were going bury wasn’t entirely dead and they caught it before it was too late. Now, the person is still alive out of spite and refuses to die which is why they’re selling the coffin.
This story about your dad explains a lot about you, and I mean that in the best way.
Oh, dear. This brings back memories… when I was a member of the scouts, (the 18+ group), we did buy an only slightly used coffin. It was used to transport a body to the border or something. We used it for ghost tours and I once slept in it for a few hours. It was rather comfy, to be honest.
I’ve seen some gorgeous books shelves made with those- if not for your house maybe the store? The one I saw online had removable shelves so it could still be used for its original purpose if desired.
The wood and finish IS quite beautiful. For something.
Heather Feather, I also saw a face/shroud on the coffin lid when I zoomed in to look at the scratches too. I also sense a presence that needs to move on, so please do bless the coffin with holy water, Jenny.
Great price for a coffin! They’re very expensive, although, you can buy them on Walmart.com. I love the idea someone had about bookshelves in it. If you get it and then get tired of it, you can always sell it to one of us.
I forgot about the bear! Bears have been on the move lately. They’ve been tracking one going through Kentucky lately. No idea why.
I live in Minnesota and we’ve had a few black bears in my city recently. No one was hurt including the bears so I’m happy about that. One of the bears took a nap in someone’s tree for a while and then wandered off. People went searching for them and never found the bears. So I can yes, bears will go into cities.
Maybe the menu from Lee Ho Fook’s scratched the lid…
Adding to the bookshelf idea. Hinge the lid and add it to your bookstore. Fill it full of creepy books. Now it’s a business expense.
Coffins in North America? We do caskets here. Maybe it has had a journey. Pretty cool either way.
Kelly #38 commenter, you see it too?
Two eyes, a depression where the nose would be, a mouth, crossed arms, rib cage, wrapped in a shroud.
It’s clearly unhappy.
Sometimes souls who experienced trauma attach themselves to objects and have trouble moving on to the next world, and they need a little help and a blessing from a holy person to let go of the physical world and move into the spirit world.
But sometimes it’s not a human soul, and in that case, they need to be banished so they don’t stick around and cause trouble for the living.
But you didn’t explain gut pile. As the weird lady who feeds crows daily, these look like crows. Ravens have a pointed tail in flight and longer beak.
Good deal on the coffin, but there is always Costco and the coffin outlet for comparison. scratches might be a dealbreaker if you opt for a viewing…or a conversation starter.
I see the face too and now I’m never going to sleep well again.
I should probably not read your posts while I am having a bad breathing day. I started laughing so hard, then wheezing, then felt like passing out. But it was worth it. But maybe next time I will wait to read it till I feel better. Maybe.
I’m usually team Jenny with all things, but I’m with Victor on this one. Take it from someone with abilities like Heather Feather and Kelly. Personally I wouldn’t buy it, but perhaps the shop owner/antique dealer could bless the coffin?
I personally bless all antique items that I purchase with holy water the moment I bring it home and say a little prayer to help equalize any energy and help (maybe?) any spirit associated move on, and it seems to work very well for me anyway. I also quietly lay my hands on antique items prior to purchase for a moment at least to see if I sense anything from the item. If I sense anything alarming or overwhelming I leave it there and don’t buy it.
I sense spirits and they communicate with me, but I can’t personally move them on for whatever reason. I love antiquing, but shopping for those can be very stressful for me. One time I even ran out of an antique store after some very frightening experiences. Very long scary story with that one.
Buyer beware! Also, I’m a tad worried about your dad after he tested the coffin out himself-hope he doesn’t have any ghostly hitchhikers a La The Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland!
So the scratches are concerning. They remind me of a antique cradle I saw at Renningers antiques. It was a standard old fashioned cradle, with very thick, very close together bars. THAT WERE ALL SCRATCHED AND CHEWED FROM THE INSIDE. The vibes from it were… Unpleasant.
There used to be a guy who had coffins for sale on the side of the road. When I worked a weird schedule, I knew it was the weekend when coffin dude was selling his wares.
This post explains a lot about your family background and you.
I mean, OF COURSE your Dad tried on a coffin.
Those scratches look like the lid was set down on a stage and there was a little pebble or a painted-over nail head and then it got scuffed back and forth over the thing a few times.
I agree that the birds are probably crows but I’d want to see their little faces a little closer to be sure.
P.S. it’s ungodsly hot here and I have started putting out water for the crows because some of their usual sources of water are dried up and I saw one sitting where there’s usually water with its beak pointed up in the air panting and that looked Really Dire so I brought out a plastic thing that was going in the recycle with water and ice and I hope they’re finding it okay
Those aren’t the sort of scratches you’d get from someone trying to get out. Location is all wrong. Too irregular. No grouping from either parallel fingernails or going over the same spot multiple times with a ring or coin or key or whatever happened to be in the person’s pocket. Someone trying to get out would try to do more like chest or face height if possible, I would think, lower down if arms were pinned at sides, but still not like that. Might also have scuffs from kicking feet at the end, which this does not have. Looks more like this was done while moving it or from careless handling. I’m thinking maybe a theater prop (although mahogany would be an expensive choice for that!), display piece, funeral home sample, or poorly stored antique. Goth furniture. I’d say possibly kink furniture, because I know some people into that sort of thing, but even the ones who play around with abduction and live burials use cheaper wood to do it.
Hm. 1) Not even half of my yarn stash would fit in that thing. Of course, I plan to take some with me when I go. 2) No clue why, but I instantly flashed back to the Lane cedar chests we used to get at graduation in the 80s, which is weird because those things had green velvet and a hinged lid.
These 50s are no joke.
My next door neighbor when I was growing up (in suburban Philadelphia) had a prop coffin that they kept in their back yard. They let me borrow it for a Halloween party I hosted one year.
@azurelunatic. I LOVE that you are taking care of those crows. ❤️❤️❤️
FaintlyMacbre: Guy selling coffins on the side of the road?! And you haven’t written the horror story for that yet?!
C’mon! Get writing!
Jenny, get the coffin. Use it at Nowhere. That would make a great book display! Though you might want to replace the lining. If there was a person in it, eww! Probably unhygienic to be around your staff and customers.
Lisa
What I really want to know is why does there appear to be a wadded up sheet in the coffin?
I think it would fit nicely with your —errr—– decor.
My brother makes guitars out of repurposed wood – he would snatch up that much mahogany for $350!
Great deal. You should buy it and use it in the bookstore.
Commenter # 49 Jenny M.
I’m the same. I love antiques, but I always feel for an item’s energy before buying anything. Some items just give you the heebie-jeebies, and some make you feel like that negative energy follows you and you need a cleansing to rid yourself of the bad energy. When in doubt use holy water, smudging with sage leaves, a holy person if it’s really upsetting or seems to need help moving on.
Even if you don’t believe, it’s better to listen to your spidey-sense when in doubt.
Commenter # 53 azurelunatic, thank you for feeding the crows water. Our whole country is super hot right now and wildlife and birds like crows need lots of fresh water.
Lots of good Karma comes from helping wildlife keep hydrated during a heatwave.
Excellent.
… and why are the scratches horizontal and not vertical?
First thought: at least your dad didn’t include a selfie when he was testing the fit (unless he did…?).
Second: If someone had been trapped in that coffin, no way would the lining still be that clean.
Third: People who can’t figure out what the gut pile is, maybe should consider your dad is a taxidermist. 😀
Next: When I was growing up, my dad got it into his head that he was going to build his own coffin. He decided first to make smaller versions of it, and also that the traditional coffin shape would be too much of a PITA. And now, despite my mom completely freaking out, we have two redwood-stained, rectangular latched boxes in the living room and dining room of my parents’ house that were pretty much the only things in the house my mom refused to touch. (she really really hated that I only ever called them the mini-coffins or practice coffins)
Last: my cousin’s daughter was recently thisclose to buying herself a hearse, but then found out that it wouldn’t fit in her garage, and her HOA had something about it being parked outside. (and a friend in school had a hearse for his first car, which was so very him)
Did your dad get it for you? (or for himself, I suppose?) $350 IS a really good deal.
~T.
Scratches on the INSIDE of the lid??? Yup, it’s DEFINITELY haunted. DEFINITELY definitely.
love this and your family so much. BUY IT !!!
Those scratches will come right out with sandpaper.
I have only one question. Why WOULDN’T you buy the coffin?
So I think I know how “only once and in the daytime” would happen, and I didn’t see anyone chime in about it yet: it was only used for vigil/viewing, not burial, perhaps because someone was actually getting cremated but their family was traditional, or (weird but not unheard-of) somebody was viewed in it, then moved to a transport-legal sealed casket, and then buried quite some distance away from the location of the viewing.
So, my Vulcan is super into crows, ravens, jackdaws, all the members of the corvidae family, and I meant to ask him to look at that photo and tell me which kind it is, but I forgot. Then I was in the bathroom earlier and I heard crows outside and remembered so when I came out I asked him “Hey, would crows be more likely to be found pecking away at a gut pile, or would that be ravens? OH! Does the word ‘ravenous’ come from ‘raven’?” and he just sputtered and laughed and said “what the fuck…?!” and I was like “Oh, you poor man, you just got Victored!”
Your Pal,
Storm the Klingon
do you have a pool? you need this!
https://www.buzzfeed.com/delaneystrunk/coffin-pool-float-dead-inside
Heather Feather, I don’t see the image on the inside of the coffin as clearly as you. I see a face and some odd shapes, but I know there’s a presence attached to it too.
The raven’s beak is like a plague doctor’s mask.
$350 for a coffin!?? THAT IS A STEAL!! Also: insert shocked scared face at the SCRATCHES on the INSIDE!!!
Slightly late commenting but… I’m still struggling with my mom’s death (last December) and for some reason this coffin is giving me strange comfort? I don’t know if it’s just the ‘Jenny-ness’ of it all, with ‘slightly used’ and your dad fitting in it and such. Mom was cremated (neither of us could handle the thought of being buried!) and I still have no clue what a ‘normal’ coffin would cost, but I really like this.
(Sending you so much love, friend. ~ Jenny)
Re the coffin: The question is, did your Dad buy it? Whether for himself or for you?
(He did not. It’s still for sale and waiting for just the right buyer. ~ Jenny)
For anyone interested, we do still have this mahogany coffin for sale for $350. Our store is Raventiques in San Angelo, TX. 😊
For the person asking about the wadded up fabric, the original shroud and pillow are still inside as well as the fabric lining. As for the feelings of an unsettled spirit, I don’t have any weird feelings or sensations when I’m around it. It was stored in my home before we opened the store, and it’s never caused me any type of heebie jeebies at either place.
Jenny, your dad is a hoot. I’m so glad he showed me your blog when he stopped by the store today.
(I love this. ~ Jenny)
As a West Texas gal, I think this makes a lot of sense. Why not try the box first, y’all. Did it come with a Raisin Pie? That’s what my Iraan, TX family served at funerals.
My daughter’s theater class once used a coffin for a play, lent to them by the handyman at my husband’s work…he collected odd things, and no, i am not entirely sure he is/was not a serial killer. It was not wood, but if it had been I can see that there might have been scratches from classmates being kept in there a little too long for fun…but maybe you have a theatrical coffin
Crows have even numbers of feathers on their wings, while ravens have odd numbers. So, the difference is a matter of a pinion.
Your dad’s text is hilarious! It’s a perfect example of how texting can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. I love the visual of him setting up a trail camera on a gut pile. It’s a classic dad move. Thanks for sharing this funny anecdote. It made my day!
khalidelarbi
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