I’ve never been so happy to be labeled as”GROSSLY NORMAL AND UNREMARKABLE.”

in Random Crap

So. I’ve been busy with PET scans and CAT scans and tests and moving houses and stressing out about cancer and this all culminated into one of those panic attacks where my chest hurt so much I thought I was literally having a heart attack and it was a very hard week. BUT…

I heard back from my oncology surgeon and he said that he had very good news because the scans showed that my organs were “grossly normal” and “unremarkable” which seems like a very insulting way to give good news, BUT I WILL FUCKING TAKE IT.

Of course, I immediately started worrying that these results must be someone else’s because I am often “gross” but almost never “normal” and also, shouldn’t the scans have picked up the cancer in my stomach that we know is there? But the doctor said he wouldn’t have expected those tumors to show up on the scans because they are so small and slow-moving (which my neuroendocrine tumors are) and so helps this confirms that they are tiny and lazy and the tests were really there to just rule out that anything is large or growing. CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? Of course, I guess this also means that I could be teeming with teensy, lazy tumors hiding all over the rest of my body but my doctor was like, “OMG, you’re overthinking it, crazy. Celebrate the win.”

Then he mentioned that my scans did show some spinal deformities (probably from my rheumatoid arthritis) and that weirdly made feel better because having too much medical good news was so out-of-character that I was starting to suspect I was in some kind of coma because I was sure they’d at least find a silent twin or some sort of sentient growth.

So the tl:dr is that I’ll have to do endoscopies and biopsies every 4-6 months for the rest of my life to make sure the cancer in my stomach is staying as lazy as the rest of me, but aside from just fatigue and the crappiness of forever-testing, it (KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD) may not bother me at all.

Aaaand in other good news (Is small, lazy cancer good news? I say so)…I’m 75% done unpacking, the cats are semi-adjusting to the new house, and my editor sent me a letter that she loved the draft my next book. ALL THE WHOOPS!

As proof of life, here is a picture of me unpacking 80 billion books. In my next life I’m going to collect less heavy things, like bags of farts, or scarfs made of cat fur.

Now I’m off to work on book edits. Wish me luck.

PS. Sorry this one isn’t very funny but I’ve had a lot on my plate. I promise I have funny stuff coming once I get past this next deadline.

PPS. I haven’t unpacked the giant hooded cat bed that Hunter S. Thomcat hides in when he’s freaked out so I got another one but I accidentally ordered one that is way too small for him to fit into and so instead he just puts it on his head and slinks around like a very strange turtle…

Last night I was trying to figure out who reminded me of and finally I was like, “OH, FUCKING MOZART!” and then Victor looked at me strangely because without context I guess it sounded like I was just really mad at Mozart and so I explained, “That’s who the cat reminds me of.” And he still looked confused (probably because Hunter wasn’t wearing his bed hat because he wanted me to seem even crazier than normal) and this is exactly why we’re going to re-watch Amadeus tonight.

174 thoughts on “I’ve never been so happy to be labeled as”GROSSLY NORMAL AND UNREMARKABLE.””

Read comments below or add one.

  3. WOOHOO to all of that news! And poor Hunter. fAngus tends to hide under our bed when he’s stressed, which would be fine except he comes out in the middle of the night and scares the bejesus out of me by INSISTING I pet him (while sleeping). I hope the cats adjust soon so nobody poops on your floor. 🙂

  4. What do you mean not funny? It was very funny. And such good good news. And now I need a cover hat like Hunter s tomcat. I am happy and hoping your stomach cancer stays lazy. I love you Jenny, and I can’t wait till the new book is out!

  8. So very happy for you! That’s a lot of endoscopies, but hopefully they’ll find a way to do external imaging at some point. Also, nice cat-hat! Amadeus rules!

  9. OMG, girl !!
    Here’s my HELL, Yeah !!!!
    You rock to the moon and back ( probably an orbit of Jupiter thrown in)

  11. Woo hoo congrats! Sloth like cancer is the best type of cancer. Yeah for sloths!… side note… book edits is there a new book did I miss something!?!?

    (I’m working on one now. It’ll come out next year, I think. 🙂 I’m very slow. ~ Jenny)

  12. Congratulations on lazy tumors! woot woot

    Seriously, today has been the shitfest culmination of an epic two week shitshow. I’m glad to hear any good news.

    And Hunter S. Thomcat totally looks like Mozart.

  15. Woo-hoo lazy cancer! and woo-hoo mention of a new book!! (stealthy, you are!)

  17. Whoo-hoo!!!!! Tiny, lazy cancer is definitely a win. 🙂 Also you are correct, Hunter totally looks like Mozart with that bed.

  18. Just funny enough and YAY for lazy slow growing cancer. How have I not read your books? This will be remedied soon.

    From JB at Aging Awkwardly

  22. I feel like a jerk coming here not to say “congrats” (because OF COURSE I’m happy for your lazy-ass tumors and shouldn’t we all embrace this casual approach to our goals?) but to say can you please publish a link for that cat bed?

    (Here you go! https://amzn.to/3ZY5xfb ~ Jenny)

  24. Such great news! So happy for you. I always find so much solace in your posts. Hope you find that cat bed soon!

  26. Hunter is sort of doing what little kids do when they cover their eyes and assume no one can see them. Sure, most of him is very much visible but, a bit of him isn’t and if that helps him reach his mental happy/calm place, then more power to him. I’m glad the scans are good. Obviously cancer sucks the big one in the middle of town. With that said, if you have to have cancer, let it be the laziest, slowest, ass-backwards kind. Wishing your peace of mind and good health. Btw, while I find science fascinating (particularly astronomy) and am overall rational, I will start yelling, “For the love of God, go knock on wood,” if someone says something way too positive. I don’t need their overly self-assured take on a situation to cause fate to unleash on me. Also, I know it isn’t healthy to worry preemptively about things that matter to me but, there is a superstitious part of me that worries if I don’t worry enough about said situation. I realize how bonkers that read/seems…like is fate or a guardian angel listening for my mini nervous breakdown to be sure that I’m taking something seriously enough? Anywho, I hope your health will be boring and that everything else in your life will be as you want it to be.

  28. Does this mean I have to take back the creepy cringy hug…AND you should watch Amadeus again!

    (NEVER TAKE BACK HUGS. ~ Jenny)

  29. YEEEEESSSSSS!!! (does her patented Dance of Joy) So happy to hear this good news.
    Omg!! Hunter totally does look like Mozart! 🤭

  31. Score one for grossly normal!! Such amazing news! Regular endoscopies, not so fun, but if that’s what it takes to be sure the cancer is still tiny and lazy, it’s worth it! I completely understood the Fucking Mozart reference.

  32. Great medical news! Gorgeous girl photo! Strange musical analogy.
    All is right with the world…

  34. Small lazy cancer is a great cancer choice out of the potential options at the very least!!
    (Is it awful to say this tiny bit of chaotic structure could aid other internal goal checkpoints? The only thing that gets me out of my house is my weekly therapist appointment and it’s like a breath of fresh air I wouldn’t allow myself otherwise…)

    I’ve been going through some not great personal days, so this ray of hopeful news was wonderfully appreciated 🌻🌈🤍🖤💜

    I’m glad you had a wonderful time with the youngins, too!! 🥰

  35. HELL YES! Take the win! And I notice one of my all time favorite books in that small stack. The Moon Pool-the first SF book I ever read. Also, Rock me Amadeus!

  36. Love love love this. And Hunter and his bed hat was just icing on the cake. So happy to hear the tumors you have are under achievers, let’s hope they always stay that way. Be well!

  37. not sure where that “name” came from. It certainly doesn’t look like me…

  38. I may* have just screamed “YES, MF-ING GROSSLY NORMAL!” just now during a team meeting. Which, actually wasn’t that weird since I work in cancer research. It was, however, incredibly startling as I thought I was muted. I was not.
    Congratulations from everyone here at the cancer center clinical trials office! (I can’t say exactly where because corporate, but we are over the moon happy for you).
    *I absolutely did scream.

  39. OMG as usual you made me laugh so hard and made my day!

  41. I’m so glad your cancer is slow and lazy! But it is asking for a commitment to do endoscopies and biopsies so frequently, so it’s a needy little creature.
    But to have everything else look good is great! Normal is a great thing for one’s body, when the rest of life is so abnormal.
    I have a minor books obsession myself, and the thought of moving them makes me want to put my face in a hat to calm down too, so my sympathies to Hunter S Thompson.
    I’m soooo looking forward to your next book!

  42. The pathology report from my hysterectomy said my cervix was unremarkable. HOW DARE THEY.

  44. You never fail to make me
    Laugh even when talking about cancer! Excited for your new book and HELL YAH to lazy cancer. Congrats on being gross!

  45. Yay for lazy tumors! (also you have one of my all-time favorite sci-fi books — A Tale of Two Clocks by James H. Schmitz)

  46. OH Goddess……take the win!! what a great post and that HUNTER with his bed hat. laughed so hard.

  48. Tears of joy, snorts of laughter which culminated in a coughing jag and my cat looking at me like “human, are you well?” Take the win and celebrate the hell out of it!

  49. YES! Medically testing is the only time you WANT to be “unremarkable.” Just happened to me, as well. I rest secure in the knowledge that I am remarkable in OTHER ways!

  51. You’re not wrong about the hat/wig/bed/thing.

    It seems weird to day “I’m glad they said you’re normal” because that sounds kind of insulting but I suspect you’ll take it at this point.

  52. HELL YEAH!!
    This post made me so happy! Congrats on all the good news and good luck with the editing. (Not that you need it you fabulous little genius)

  53. This is all the “everything-I-needed-but-didn’t-know-I-needed-and-desperately-so-and-so-so-so-SO-much-more” today. Laughing with the tear stains on my cheeks, so thank you for so much validation, perspective, and humor, and feeling so much relief on many fronts for you, knowing it’s an ongoing slog. You’re not alone, and thank you for reminding me than neither am I.

  54. HELL YA! from me and you may not have thought it was funny, but I ended it with a BIG ol’ smile on my face for your good news and the future “bags o’ farts” you’ll be collecting.

  56. I’m with you. Being called unremarkable even if it’s just our organs seems very insulting. Yay for all the good news and plot twist, the end of the post was indeed funny.

  57. My neurologist called my brain boring after an MRI, so I get the insulting delivery of good news.

  58. Congratulations on, for once, not being an Interesting Patient.
    Hunter looks adorable in his bed/hat. I hope he watches the movie with you tonight. 💜

  60. So happy to hear your good news, but it’s going to take days to get the.Mozart.laugh out.of.my head.

  61. I didn’t think I’d ever be thrilled to hear how ‘grossly normal’ you are. This feels weird but I’ll take it! ❤️ I’m so happy for you and yours!

  63. Oh my gosh, you’re just full on Good News in this post, and I couldn’t be happier. And a new book from you that’s in the works, that’s Good News for us. I think Hunter S. Thomcat is very brave, and I hope that he will soon be moving to more appropriate accommodations, i.e., you find his original hidey-hole. Love you so much for everything right now.

  64. Yay!!!!!! Thanks for making my afternoon with your great (and plenty funny) news! XO

  65. Hold my beer so I can whoop whoop! Thank God for lazy tumors. I mean, we shouldn’t be thankful for a ny tumors. Lazy is the way to go, tumorwise. ❤️❤️❤️

  68. My doctor always puts “This is a reassuring result.” at the end of all my test results. It is pretty reassuring.

  69. Woo hoo, Jenny! 🎉🎉🎉 And poor Hunter. But you’re right. Totally Mozart 😂. ❤️

  72. “In my next life I’m going to collect less heavy things, like bags of farts, or scarfs made of cat fur.”

    I have never related to a sentence more.

  74. I don’t know if this helps or not, but in 2019 I was in the emergency room in great pain due to a gall stone, and the doctor told me, “Oh, by the way, you have a tumor on your bowel. You probably should see a surgeon.” They took out about 6 inches and did a bowel resection, and also removed four lymph nodes, all with neuro-endocrine tumors. Later, a PET scan showed that I have tumors on five more lymph nodes. So I get blood tests and scans every six months. So far those suckers haven’t grown very much at all. I’ve been told that people with our cancer usually die of other causes–like old age. So take a deep breath and live like you’ll be gross and normal for, like, ever. Love you.

  79. You don’t have to be funny. You just have to be who you are that day. We love you all ways and always

  80. YES to the lazy tumors and 75% unpacked! It’s a lot of W for Monday!

  82. Well yet another time you’ve made me lol in my office 😉 Congrats on being unremarkable!

  86. Jenny’s gonna live. Yay! Sly Sone died. Fuck! Talk about an emotional roller coaster. What a day!

  87. Jenny, your picture of you with the books is so perfectly normal, you are beautiful! And you totally made me laugh over Hunter S. Tomcat! Everything couldn’t possible be more normal in your life! Keep up the good work!

  91. I adore the film Amadeus. It is a sleeping giant of a film.
    I lost my incredible, wonderful comfort cat to heart disease yesterday. We just dropped his body off to be cremated. I seriously considered taxidermy. I really don’t know how I’m going to cope without him. This is the first time in 19 years our home has been without a feline.

  93. So happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  95. I am so happy that you’re Gross and Unremarkable! Personally I’d rather be that than Remarkable any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Your news made this Monday bearable! Love ya!

  96. HELL YEAH! I’m so glad that it’s lazy and small!!! Love to you <3

  97. ‘Grossly Normal and Unremarkable’ needs to find its way into a story or book title, of course, and you no doubt have already started that creative brainstorming haha.

  99. ❤️ HELL YEAH for lazy tumors! and for unpacking anything! I think I’m still only 75% unpacked from my last move 14 years ago…

  101. Wonderful news! This is the kind of indolent cancer I was diagnosed with in 2019 and I see my oncologist/hematologist every six months forever and ever Amen. It does become like a dental check up in time and the reassuring thing is that it feels good to know these indolent cancers are slow and are watched so thoroughly! Having the PET and CT stuff work up is such a relief! I am thrilled for you!

  102. I wish I had a great joke for you, but I’m just so happy and relieved that you have tiny, lazy tumours that all I can think of to say is THANK GOODNESS. Now all of us who super crazy love you back can heave a huge sigh of relief along with you. Also, Hunter S. Thomcat is totally rocking his Amadeus wig.

  103. Here’s that HELL YEAH! Awesome news.

    I found out about degenerative spinal something or other AND fatty liver when simply trying to see if I was having diverticulitis. Those CT scans are gifts that keep on giving. But ab-so-fucking-lutely, take all the wins!

  105. I’m flailing at my computer like an overly caffeinated Kermit the Frog..yayyyyyyy!! I mean, I’m not cheering for cancer of course, nor the spinal deformities, but I’m grateful for the best possible outcome for you given the situation. I have this shirt (below in the link) from Calamityware (for many reasons) and it made me think of you, especially given your results. Keep it moving, Mr. Reaper! I imagine little Dottie chasing him away lol: https://calamityware.com/collections/t-shirt/products/reaper-madness-black-womens-t-shirt?variant=40652930973719

    I wish you didn’t have cancer, but am relieved for you that it’s the kind that at its worst is naggingly annoying, time consuming, and high maintenance little beast. Sending big hugs from SoCal and happy thoughts for continued banal test results! Also little Mozart-esque Hunter with his furry cat bed (hat) is also giving me Hundreds of Beavers vibes. It reminds me of the ridiculously large racoon hat that the main character wears. Highly recommend you watch it if you haven’t. It’s on Prime. Good for some laughs for sure. Again, so incredibly happy for you Jenny!!! Yippppppeeeeeee!!!!!!

  106. I 100% missed you moving and those bookshelves look exactly the same. Love you so much Jenny and I am thoroughly delighted to hear there is a new book!!!

  108. Well this post is just full of good news!❤️
    1. Health: No runaway cancer! (Although I know from experience that arthritis sucks, but at least you can take pain medication for that.)
    2. Unpacking: (I just now found out you were moving, but yay for being 3/4 of the way done!
    and 3. New book in the editing phase!!! The first thing I did was go to my bookcase to tell the other books that they have a sibling coming!!!

    Love you, Jenny! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  109. Dang, no way to edit. I also love Hunter S. Thomcat’s Mozart photo! ❤️

  110. Woo hoo & hell yeah! 😺Congratulations on having some normal parts, on the move, the cats settling in & the book! Fucking Mozart. 🤣

  112. Woo hoo & hell yeah! 😺Congratulations on having some normal parts, on the move, the cats settling in & the book! Fucking Mozart. 🤣

  113. Yay for lazy cancer, unpacking boxes, book sorting, cats settling in and book edits! Hope you, Victor, and the animals all get settled into the new place.

  114. Once my 16 year old son got hit with a baseball at practice and ended up in the ER with results that read “unremarkable testicular ultrasound” and I can’t imagine worse for a teen boy!

  115. On my last PET scan I also was labeled “grossly normal” and “grossly unremarkable.” I think it needs to be on a t-shirt.

  117. I hope for continued good health news, easy unpacking, and good rest for you all

  119. Endoscopies: best naps. (See also colonoscopies, but prep is ew so endoscopies for the win!)
    I also love curves/circles/rounded things. I abhor sharp edges.
    Can’t wait to see pics of the new house. Hugs.

  121. ALL THE WHOOPS, INDEED. and goofy Hunter S. Mozart! ❤️❤️

  122. This is definitely my anxiety coming through but I see you talking about the cats but not mentioning Dottie… The dog did move with you guys right? Is she alright? *worries!*
    But YAY for good cancer news!!

  126. I smiled and laughed at your words and photos through my tears. Reached my limit of the national motherfuckery and the deep wounds made by an adult deployed son I don’t recognize anymore. Congratulations on the good medical news and word of your new book, Jenny! I can’t wait to read it!

  127. You might not qualify this update as funny but you literally said “I was starting to suspect I was in some kind of coma because I was sure they’d at least find a silent twin or some sort of sentient growth.” I gigglesnorted. Well played. Well. Played.

  129. Add my voice to the chorus of “YAY” and HOORAY” for your news! And a room encompassing happy dance as well. One can never dance too much or too crazily. I too collect heavy books, and still have a couple of boxes of same lurking in my garage waiting (for 2 years) to be unpacked. I swear I’m gonna get to them this summer…

  131. Omg, such great news! I am so happy for you and your family and for us! Yay to lazy and tiny tumors! May they stay lazy and tiny and no bother forever! And, no worries, you’re still so so so very funny. I will think about fucking Mozart and Hunter S. Thomcat nonstop for the foreseeable future.

  132. Your cancer is currently singing Bruno Mars The Lazy Son
    Today, I don’t feel like doin’ anything. Keep being lazy cancer you can do it. Make life a little easier for Jenny since you seem to be here to stay.

    Yeah for you having 80% of your unpacking done! Also Hunter now has a costume for Halloween as long as you can get one of the other cats to dress up as Salieri and possibly chase him around with a bottle of poison that has a skull and crossbones. Might as well play into the unsubstantiated rumor that Salieri poisioned and killed Mozart for funnsies.

  133. So happy for some good lazy news and I can’t unsee Mozart!!!🤣🤣

  136. I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear that you are grossly normal! I know how much you love cats, I am on vacation Greece currently and was just in Turkey.
    I wanted to leave you pictures, but I don’t think I can. Just know that there are cats everywhere in Turkey! They are the epitome of catness. They wander into stores, sleep on carpets, pillows, or scarves. And no one says anything.
    It’s like almost the best life for cats. People feed them, they stop and pet them, & they adopt them as well.
    Thank you for me allowing me to tell you about it.
    Liz

  137. Hallelujah! so happy for this great news! I was told once that I had an unremarkable pancreas, which I also thought was insulting. AND the image from the scan showed it with a smile which seems pretty remarkable to me. But, again, not a doctor.

  139. Okay so your post may not have been intentionally funny but I still laughed out loud! And Amadeus is a great movie! I recently rewatched it, too. And congrats on the cancer news! I, too, have cancer scans for life so if you ever need someone to relate to, I got you girl.

  140. “Grossly Normal” is like the musical marking of “Molto Moderato” (I always thought of it as “extremely moderate”, which works for me). WOO-HOO!!!! for positive medical news…..

  143. I was afraid you were going someplace else with the “fucking Mozart” line and I’m glad you didn’t..

    Happy medical news, but complex, just like you

  145. Congratulations! I am so happy I have your experience for context. Had my annual check up today and just received the notes. I’m not sure if this is new since I’m “older” and there are a lot of questions now about my ability to take care of myself. The notes under Neuro: awake, alert and oriented, grossly intact.

  147. Giggled so hard at the image of you just shouting “Mozart!” out of the blue. Glad you had some good health news! Glad the moving and the cats adjusting is going okay! I have just accepted that each time I move I will have more and more boxes of books and I just need to make enough money that I can pay other people to move the boxes for me.

  148. Good news. Hooray.
    There was a crazy downtown guy who was also mostly harmless, but kept shouting “where is my papaya?” Mozart would have been preferable.

  149. HELL YEAH, indeed!
    And fucking Mozart! does need to be a pet name.
    I’m so glad the news is good.

  150. Hell yeah! May your tumors stay lazy & your cats continually weird (is this my new go-to blessing?)

  151. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GOOD MEDICAL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! To the Mozart cat bed/wig. And I can’t wait for your next book (no pressure, just excited and supportive as always) <3

  153. Just like being called “grossly normal and unremarkable” can be surprisingly comforting, MintFares offers reliable, no-stress flight bookings to India from the USA & Canada. No gimmicks—just great deals and smooth service. Sometimes, normal is exactly what we need!
    Get cheap flights from usa to canada

  156. Definitely better than the overachieving variety! And for unwanted advice from the other side of the world, Roy Murray apparently held off his stomach cancer for 7 years by drinking half-flat ginger ale from the small cans (which they no longer produce, so insert whole palaver about how Roy Murray sourced OLD ginger ale cans). Jeanie

  157. Thrilled for you. We just received good ”no cancer” news about my daughter just prior to me coming on Facebook and seeing this post. Happiness all around!

  158. Today I just finished being repeatedly stabbed in the neck while the doctor took biopsies of a cyst on my thyroid gland. 1 out of 10, do not recommend. I am crossing my fingers for the pathology report to say everything is just peachy.

  160. Probably not where I should put this out at, but I maybe this crowd will understand…
    Long story short, I’ve gastro issues my full 42 years, only found out I had EDS 2 years ago. Full laparoscopic nissinfundoplication in 2002, baby in 2010 completely destroyed it. Was talked in reversal of nissin and replace with LINX Dec 2024( annd dilated in February 2025)after once again going back to every available Rx and OTC I can get my hands on. I haven’t felt this sick since before 2002. Now I lay here with pneumonia caused by aspiration of fluid caused by failed LINX. The whole reason I ever chose surgery was to not die in my sleep from aspiration of stomach fluid into my lungs in my sleep….at least I woke up this time.

  162. HELL YEAH, JENNY!! So happy to hear about all of your news! Keeping you in my prayers and sending positive vibes your way! Love & hugs to you.

  165. hi sorry if this is inappropriate for this post but i had heard about the horrible flash flooding in san antonio, i hope you and your loved ones made it through okay!

  166. Hell yeah for having the best kind of cancer to have!!! What did you decide to do with the kitchen attack-chandelier?

  167. Davy! Davy Crockett!

    That’s a coonskin hat with that tail coming off the back.

  171. I always say its so offensive when I see my various body parts labeled as unremarkable in scans and specimens. It just seems rude.

    I am so very glad you’re ok.

  173. Being a gay 40 year old man , who just happened to be the one in my family who attended every oncology team meeting, when she finally did pass away, I was sent the autopsy results I didn’t ask for only to find out the obvious , but being unable to look away from all manner of weird shit I kept reading only to find out my Moms vagina was “unremarkable “. Fuck how dare they that V handled birthing 6 kids and giving years of enjoyment to 2 husbands. I call that remarkable, so I was going to call the O Team when one of my sisters explained it meant that Moms vagina was just fine. Even at 74… I plead ignorance now I worry when I die what will this insane fuckerz say about me..ya know down below and all. Guys have enuff penis envy in life I do NOT need a carryover. What will all the other ghost or zombies think 🤔

  174. Awesome! Its genuinely remarkable post, I have got much clear idea regarding from this post

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