secret rooms, spam and bear costumes.

in Random Crap

A few quick mysteries:

In case you missed it, we found a secret room (half room?) in our new house and I still don’t know what it is or what to do with it.

several people suggested I use it for storing the Xmas tree but the built-in bookshelf is built over half of the “door” so it’s too small to put fit anything through it. I could barely squeeze through it and got stuck coming back out, which would have been an embarrassing way to die. Still no clue what it was. Grow room? Murder Pantry? Unfinished cabinet to A cut-rate Narnia? Panic room for cats? Discotheque for toddlers?

In other mysteries, I have been flooded with the weirdest sort of spam comments lately. They’re specific to the post but then absolutely insane at the end and they are cracking me up. A few new favorites:

”I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis AND ENJOY THE HOT SLUTTS IN ATLANTIC CITY TONIGHT!”

”Your book roundup lists always make me smile. FOR RECURRING TESTICULAR PAIN NEAR MUMBAI PLEASE VISIT.”

Is it some kind of AI? No clue.

This one is less of a mystery and more of a question…I’m refreshing my taxidermy outfits and can’t decide if Claude works as a showgirl or if he should stay with his old stand- by. Please sound off.

93 thoughts on “secret rooms, spam and bear costumes.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. I prefer the second photo – not showgirl. It needs to be something with a contrasting color – not all black like he is.

  4. Definitely showgirl, but I think he needs rhinestones around the braid on the headpiece. Otherwise it gets lost in the bear fur.

  5. Rename him as Claudette ColBEAR after the hat glow-up! Oh, and “FOR SEVERE ACHES IN THE BLUEBALL AREA, VISIT AMSTERDAM NOW.”

  6. I’m sure a reader in Chicago would suggest a football helmet. Go Bears!

  7. I like the feathers…I hsve one with tiny bats that I think he may relate to.

  8. Old standby. Can’t you see his eyeroll with the showgirl head piece?

  9. Obviously you need to ask the contractor make the book cabinet swing out so you can use the room as a secret hiding place to read books. I mean, obviously.

    I like showgirl Claude, but agree something needs to be added to define fur from headpiece. Glad to hear things are getting back to normal in your life! Congrats on new house!

  13. Is it possible that secret room was an attempt to finish a crawlspace? It’s weird that the floor looks to be waist high. Or maybe an improvised storm shelter? Is there anything (any part of the house) built right above it? How did your home inspector miss it? And Claude is definitely showgirl material. He looks divine in feathers.

  14. Jenny. We know you. As if showgirl wasn’t already decided. But please we need glitter glamour. Ask RuPaul if you need advice access rising.

  19. Claude can work the room however he wants! Belly dancer, snake charmer, police officer or park ranger. He will rule whatever he wears. He likes a varied wardrobe.

  20. Claude the Show Girl is my vote. I love the black headpiece. I wouldn’t change it.

  21. my parents bought a house with a “feature” like this – it was most likely built before flat screen TVs so they probably had a large TV that fit that space and needed space for the “back” of the TV. this made it look like a more expensive tv than it was. the part that swings allows you to get back and plug it in and hook up the cable box, and all the other things that you used to have to plug into the tv

  22. I don’t know how the secret room doesn’t become a whole haunted village!
    And “traditional” over show girl is my vote.

  23. It could be a cat room and that’s why they left the back of the TV cabinet open – so they could get into it. Could also be why it’s carpeted – for clawing. That open hole could be where they drop-in a self-cleaning litter box? Not sure. It is cool, though!

  24. A place to hide out when “they” come to the door. Does it have one of those camera doorbell thingies?

  27. I like Claude as a showgirl. It reminds me of the “Woman’s Freedom of Choice” wall mural in downtown Houston.
    I can not post a picture here, but you can see it on the Street Art Mankind website under Bug Art Bigger Change.

  28. First, showgirl for sure! Second, is it too late to back out on this house purchase?

  29. Claude looks best with the old standby. It suits him. As for the spare room, maybe it’s some sort of panic room? I suppose it must be for a person otherwise why the carpeting? Maybe the previous owners had a Harry Potter fantasy.

  30. Claude makes an excellent showgirl, but definitely add rhinestones to the headband to distinguish the au-natural bearskin fur coat from the feathered headdress. Claude can charge costumes however they like to suit their whims.

    I would definitely say the vacant space behind the tv is for the back of an old huge picture tube TV, and if you were to pull out the cabinets to look below the shelf underneath that electrical line on the shelf, you would find the outlets that you would feed the TV and VCR/DVD player cords with plugs down the hole in the back of the shelf to plug in.
    If you put in cat ladders to get from the underneath the shelf to on top of the shelf, and to get to on top of the entertainment unit, you would have a most excellent cat condo for them to hide in.

  31. Obviously where they hid the drugs and or cat toys filled with the ‘nip. Because they needed to leave the tv to hide it, or out of embarrassment? It would make a good stash area for extra dishes, seasonal decor, things you want nearby, but otherwise have no place for. Also, plug that floor hole to nowhere or you’ll end up with lost cats in the walls. Because you know they will have to explore. (Been there, done that, opening walls to find cats is no fun.)

    I like both bear looks and think it should change seasonally. Or with festive occasion.

  32. Love the showgirl headpiece, but not on Claude. That’s what you wear when you go out to get the mail. Or when church people ring your doorbell. I wouldn’t mind seeing Claude in a beret. Also, NUDE GIRLS DANCING EVERY NIGHT AT CARMICHAEL’S ACADEMY OF CULTURED ANATOMY. Just kidding, this isn’t spam or AI.

  33. Two Things:
    1. That room screams, “cat spa!” I have ideas haha
    2. Never apologize to us for unfunnyness ( my special word).

  35. Claude is the perfect show girl!
    And for the murder pantry – it seems perfect for something like the amazing miniature worlds you created for your dollhouse 🙂

  36. I like the second hat better. He needs more color than just black. Also, the showgirl hat will drive your cats nuts, so you need to make sure that whoever is wearing it can hold up an extra 50 pounds or so, because cats exert a LOT of force when they land a jump.

  37. More feathers if show girl but I like the original better it’s more him for your secret room yes hide the taxidermy Victor don’t like or you could make a secret bar.or prétend you are a secret agent and that were you hide your many passeport with différents ‘names and burn cellphones travel checks credit cards and some foreign money from the world 🌎 and disguises yes!!?!

  38. Show girl, 100%! He needs more sequins and sparkly bits, though… 🙂

  42. I’ve actually seen half rooms like this fitted out for cats with furniture to scale. Would Hunter like his own pièd a terre?

  43. Too black for him, do you have a brighter, glitterier feather ensemble?

  44. When I was a kid, we all had little side rooms that had single bulbs (constantly going out), some were finished and others not. We’d hide out and tell ghost stories and creep each other out. It’s an older house thing.

  47. Love the showgirl, but it would be better if the headpiece was a different color so you could see his ears! And whoever came up with Claudette Col bear deserves an award!

  49. Claude’s black feather headpiece is very Cher … I think he’s transitioned to a CherBear LOL

  51. As an only child, I refuse to limit myself to a single option whenever possible. As a Louisiana girl, my suggestion would be Old Reliable for most of the year, and then go Showgirl during Mardi Gras season, Pride, birthdays, etc. I also second the suggestion to replace the half-door with a full-height swinging bookcase.

  52. That extra room is giving me Wide Sargasso Sea vibes! “Bertha? Bertha who? No Bertha here!”

  53. Okay so I do think Claude’s original hat suits him best but I just love the showgirl headpiece so much. Unfortunately some of the details get lost with the black on black. Too bad Claude wasn’t a Polar Bear…the contract would look AMAZING!!!

  54. While the showgirl headpiece give Claude a certain ‘je ne sais quoi”, he really needs to have his ears uncovered to hear any sounds coming from the tiny murder room you’ve discovered in your new house…

  55. Claude would look great with a brightly colored headdress. Make him fabulous, dah-ling!
    As for the hidden room, is it bad that my first thought was that you could hide a body in there?

  56. All I can hear in my head now is Barry Manilow singing “his name is Claude, he is a showgirl”.

  57. Claude does look fetching in feathers. Claudette Colbear as an alternate persona for Claude! And the secret room looks like an attempt at a man cave or maybe a hidden speakeasy.

  59. Claude looks fetching in either but change is always refreshing. I’m going to have nightmares about that room. Why is it carpeted!?!

  60. Is there a basement under the little weird room? The round thing sure looks like the top of a recessed can light for the lower room. And I would be very worried a cat might fall into that hole and never come out.

  64. Why am I thinking secret camera and playing pranks or alternatively hidden video equipment for nefarious purposes?

  66. Claude looks squinty-eyed with the showgirl do on, so I’ think he letting us know he prefers his hat with the shiny brass emblem.

  68. I thinhk Claude looks mortified. Leave him some small amount of respect. He is a mature, dignified bear that has patiently put up with your shenanigans…LOL.

  69. Well it’s not every day someone can be a show girl, but I say go for it.

  71. Show Girl until the Fall and then back to the hat. As for the small room – CAT DOMAIN – toss in treats and nip and don’t look back.

  72. Show girl???… or SHAMAN!!!…Medicine Bear!… BIG KAHUNA! 😃

    (Sorry, maybe needs face paint to.pull that off and I wouldn’t want to make this difficult to clean up… but it does look sort of like a headless to me, probably ONLY me! 😆)

  75. I feel like the showgirl top needs some sparkle if you go with that one. 😊

  78. It depends on the space he has to inhabit on the wall. If there is a lot of space the feathery headdress makes a statement. Kind of quirky and fun. If the space is smaller then the traditional ringmaster’s hat.

  80. I like the military hat. I like to think he stole it from a military officer in revenge for those bearskin hats the King’s guards wear.

  83. Showgirl but you need to add some contrasting feathers. I’d do hot pink but whatever would blend with your decor. Red? Light Blue? Something pops.

  86. Both bear options are amazing! 💕 Leaning towards the feathers. The secret weird closet is cool, yay extra storage for off season stuff. The spam comments are hilarious!

  88. My first thought when I saw the secret room with the built-in shelves was that it was a bar…or a secret room for an even more secret bar??It looks like the previous occupants took their bottle of tequila, gin, vodka, creme de menthe, Bailey’s with them.
    But there’s a thought! Build yourself a secret bar! 🙂

  90. This post is hilarious! A murder pantry or toddler discotheque – the possibilities for that secret room are endless! And the spam comments…wow. The “recurring testicular pain near Mumbai” one is just bizarrely specific. As for Claude, maybe a cartoon version could help you decide? You could try turning Claude into a cartoon using AI Cartoon Generator and see which outfit looks best in that style!

  91. That secret room sounds like something out of a movie! “Murder Pantry” is definitely the most intriguing theory. And the spam comments are hilarious, the testicular pain near Mumbai one is just so random. On a completely different note, if you’re brainstorming backstories like the possible previous owner of that house, you might find Character Headcanon Generator helpful for fleshing out character details! As for Claude, I vote showgirl!

  92. This post is hilarious! “Murder Pantry” and “Discotheque for toddlers” are brilliant guesses for the secret room. The spam comments are next-level weird. As for Claude, I’m leaning towards showgirl! It sounds like you have a knack for creating unique situations. If you need help fleshing out some character relationships for your stories, you might find inspiration at the Relationship Headcanon Generator.

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