Hailey and their sweetheart came home with a little spooky season surprise for me.
A small metal friend at the door.
“Knock knock, motherfucker.”
She has a little solar panel on her neck, so at night her eyes glow from inside her little chickeny ghost shroud. I haven’t come up with a good name for her yet but I’m leaning toward “Myrtle Poultry-geist” and on Halloween night I may sit out on my porch with her and hand out deviled eggs. Victor was like, “You can’t give kids deviled eggs” and I was like, “Obviously I’ll offer them a sandwich bag first so they can carry it if they don’t want to eat it immediately. I’m not going to just hand wet eggs to small children. That would be crazy.” And of course, I’ll also offer candy but I wonder if I can get candy eggs and hide them in Myrtle Poultry-geists butt and then pull them out like magic. And then I can ask the kids if they know a good eggs-orcist. Omg, this Halloween is writing itself.
PS. People always ask if I still have Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken…and yes, of course I do. You don’t just throw away family. She’s now 14 years older and I can see her from my desk as I type. Also, lots of people have reached out to ask if Seth Rogan was giving me a shout-out recently when he said “Knock knock, motherfucker!” in the The Studio, and I really doubt it but wouldn’t that be incredible?
These chickens will cut you.
I have a Beyoncé of my own but she needs a paint job. I will have to see if I can give her solar powered eyes!! I painted them once with grow in the dark paint but it didn’t work
I can’t believe Beyonce the chicken is already 14! Where does time go? One day they’re chicks, the next they’re pooping out candy eggs for kids.
I’m celebrating my ten year wedding anniversary this year. We got married on Halloween. And we’ve been trying to find our take on Beyoncé. We finally did!! We have a 6ft tall metal chicken with glow in the dark painted skeleton. I named her Boo-yonce.
I would not be surprised if Seth Rogen was quoting you. You’re very popular, you know, and incredibly hilarious! My ex once went to a thing and Seth Rogen poured tequila into his mouth. He’s just a NORMAL GUY! lol
And I would love a deviled egg, please.
I think about you every time I go to Tractor Supply and see their giant metal chickens!
(That’s where they got her! ~ Jenny)
Someone who lives on the highway I use to get to and from the supermarket has a giant metal chicken in their front yard, and every time I pass it I say “knock, knock motherfucker” in honor of you and Beyoncé. ❤️
Beyoncé is how I originally found you and your amazing writing!
There is a huge (like, 6 or 7 feet tall) metal chicken outside an antique store in Tomball, and every time I’ve driven by it, I yell, “Knock, knock, motherfucker!” Not out the windows or anything, that would be weird.
Jenny, you fabulous being, you are the reason my now 20 something year old children and I say, “Hey, there’s a (size word) Beyonce” every time we see a metal chicken. We are all eagerly awaiting the day we cross paths with someone else from this tribe who knows what we are talking about. Meanwhile, we introduce anyone who is interested enough to ask why we don’t just say chicken our favorite author. 😉
Whenever I need a laugh (and who doesn’t these days?), I re-read the Beyoncé story. I’ve shared the Beyonce story many, many times. I’m so glad Beyoncé has a Booyonce.
At first glance, it looks like Beyoncé has a cigar in her mouth and I was very confused since I didn’t remember her having that but then I looked closer and it’s just the other side of her mouth.
That poultry is why I love you.
My sister and I have been sending chicken pictures with “knock knock” captions to each other for 14 years?!
That big chicken was in the first blog I read if yours. I immediately loved you. 😊
Oh my gosh, I love the new chicken so much! You need chocolate eggs like the Hershey’s foil wrapped ones you get at Easter time. Hailey and her sweetheart know you so well ❤️.
I never hear “knock, knock” but that I add “motherfucker” I am ruined for polite company.
I would LOVE deviled eggs as a Halloween treat. And candy eggs out of a chicken’s butt, eggs-celent!
I like chickens. So glad I don’t eat them anymore.
I thought of a name!!!!!! Chicken CatchaTony?
Man, you are a cool chick. Your varied chicks are all cool too! Gobble gobble! Tee Hee!
We need video of this Motherclucker at night with the glowing eyes! My husband looked at our window sill and said:
“Honey, You’ve got Valentine’s Day, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas up here. It’s confusing!”
I told him the decorations like co-mingling with each other. There are two Halloween cats and an Easter Mommy rabbit with her bunnies. And I finally got the little Christmas tree I’ve asked for all these years. I had rewards.
Be weird. It keeps men on their toes.
BTWs-Over the moon about Mychal & Reading Rainbow.
We must see her at night, please.
Myrtle could poop out a small potato. I saw someone on Xitter who offered a raw potato one year to a kid who couldn’t have candy because they didn’t have anything else to offer. The kid got all excited and told their friends who then all went to the house and asked for a potato. After that, they were the potato house and they go through pounds of potatoes every Halloween.
Foil wrapped Cadbury chocolate crème eggs come in regular size and also multiple eggs pack in miniature sized eggs. Perfect for Halloween!
I think you can get them on Amazon if you can’t find them in a pharmacy or grocery store.
Myrtle Poltergeist is a mouthful,
But Poultrygeist: Night of The Chicken Dead is a horror film with zombie chickens who come to life and try to kill the workers in a fried chicken restaurant built on top of an indigenous American burial ground, and there’s several characters in it that would provide great names.
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0462485/fullcredits/#cast?ref_=ext_shr_lnk
I love this. I started following you when you bought Beyoncé home and wrote about her.
Solution: hand out “deviled eggs” instead. By which, of course, I mean, deep red plastic Easter eggs with sharpie devil horns/a little pitchfork drawn. With candy inside.
Or with an actual deviled egg inside. If you want their parents to be properly horrified. Depends on what vibe you’re going for.
So my husband and I don’t ever swear (plus we almost always have kids in the car with us). But we laughed SO HARD at the “Knock, knock, mother-f-er” bit that every time we drive by a metal chicken we look at each other and just say, “Knock, knock” and burst out laughing. Thanks for that bit of joy!!!
Also, the other day he was suggesting that we pass out meatballs to trick-or-treaters, so you two are clearly on the same wavelength here! We were going to stick toothpicks in them, so it would be totally legit to pass them out like that.
I would not be surprised at all if the writers’ room of The Studio had at least one person familiar enough with your work to slip that into the script at an appropriate moment (which is to say it could have been a shout out without Seth Rogen even knowing).
In an old SNL episode, Frank Zappa is hanging with the Coneheads on Halloween. They’re trying to follow local custum by handing out fried eggs and 6-packs of beer to trick-or-treaters. So, you’re in good company!
The Beyoncé story made me a fan and created a metal chicken love that will never die. I can’t even go into a Home Goods store without hoping they have stocked another batch.
I thought Beyonce was filled with wasps. She’s obviously older and wiser, so maybe she kicked them out.
We’ll obviously need photos of the glowing chicken eyes.
Hailey & their friend are awesome!!!!!!
My wife bought me a smaller, Myrtle sized chicken with a Christmas hat a couple of weeks ago because I always chuckle whenever I see a metal chicken anywhere, thanks to you and Beyonce. I haven’t come up with a name for it yet.
The first time I read about Beyoncé’s acquisition, I laughed so hard and for so long that I woke up my entire family. Seeing the next generation brings me much-needed giggles today.
Oh please! Please do all of those things at Halloween. I am sure Seth Rogan was quoting you – I mean who else? Thank you for the joy you bring to my life. I get so tickled when I see you have another post out. And in this crazy, crazy world you are just a big fabulous piece of joy.
Hailey knows what you like. What an awesome chicken!
You really need to find an off season Cadbury egg supplier!
VIVA LA BEYONCE
Maybe take the idea above (red eggs with devil’s horns) instead of actual deviled eggs. Too many people are allergic/sensitive + you don’t want to run the risk accidentally giving out food poisoning b/c the eggs didn’t stay cold enough
Beyoncé’s looking pretty good, all things considered. Where’s Oinkville Wright, her porcine pal?
Also, I say that Seth Rogen plagiarized your inscription in my copy of “Furiously Happy.” That’s copyright infringement right there!
So glad Hailey’s feeling better! 💜
We have a Beyonce local to us. She even has her own facebook page. Such a thrill to pass her each morning on our way to school, knowing she is a Jenny fan. I mean, she has to be, right? Who puts a massive metal chicken on their porch, names it Beyonce and gives her it’s own Fb page? They dress her up seasonally in costumes. She just got a new friend, Luna, too.
https://www.facebook.com/LittletonBeyonce
I love you.
I look up the Beyoncé post when I need to laugh—so glad she has a friend now!
Jenny, you signed my metal chicken in Houston. It had rainbow eyelashes, string lights and a boa. I meant to get you to sign it on the other side but I got all fan-girlie and just shoved a metal chicken and a sharpie at you.
My Beyoncé Jr. oversees a coop of chickens of all colors and shapes, and material. My husband rolls his eyes at it all, but still takes me to the bookstore when we pass thru town!
I absolutely love your wit!!
Love, love, love the final comment, “these chickens will cut you!!”
You always brighten my day!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!! 😊
You’re holding out on us Jenny. What about that little…is it a flying pig beside Beyonce? Whoever they are, they’re feeling mighty left out.
That Beyoncé post was my intro to you. My how time flies…
OMG Beyonce is a teen mother…clucker
Casperdoodledoo!
I saw these the other day, and I didn’t know why I needed to know these existed until now. Your wish is Target’s command…
https://www.target.com/p/24ct-orange-fillable-eggs-for-halloween-egg-hunt-hyde-38-eek-boutique-8482-indoor-party-decor-2-33-34-height/-/A-81617408
My friend has a metal cock, ahem, rooster, on her porch. Every holiday, her ring camera picks up some old lady (my mother) dressing up the cock in appropriate holiday knitwear!
Can’t believe the Beyoncé story is 14 years old!!!! I have taken time off here and there, sometimes whole years, but I have been reading your blog since then (& I can’t believe Hailey is 21, it seems like just last week she started kindergarten). I am glad and grateful you are still here and making me laugh until I cry.
Wow Beyonce is showing her 14 years, she needs some fresh paint! So glad you still have her though.
I’m looking forward to Myrtle having adventures like Bill the chicken that was in the Oz books. She was a good hen but she was named Bill because her former employer had thought she was a rooster. Just don’t let Myrtle get lost at sea, or she might be whisked off to a fairy land without you noticing and then you might miss out on the opportunity to chronicle your adventure with your chicken.
I don’t have any chicken experience myself just metal sandhill crane that are one legged dinosaur with a shiny glass marble and moves with the wind.
I saw cadbury Halloween eggs in the grocery store last month- so you might be able to score some
I immediately thought of you (and Beyonce) when Seth Rogen said that line. I hope people bring this up to him.
Jenny, you are the cat’s meow or the chickens f***ing cluck!
Jenny, your Beyoncé started my tribe of metal animals. My mother gave me the first, then During COVID, I found a couple dozen in small town Texas over the year and rearranged them at night in my yard to amuse all the walking people. (Remember when everyone walked?) In the magnolia, inside down or humping – the goats, chickens, ducks, yeti, and flowers ended up all over. I cracked myself up and maybe a few others.
Now my daughter is a senior and I’m painting everything blue & yellow for her HS. She isn’t that amused.
To celebrate the 17th anniversary of our “first date” of procrastination pancakes, I sent my best friend a light-up Christmas/disco chicken (delivered by another friend). BFF and his wife instantly knew who sent the chicken and why because we all regularly cite KKMF.
Love this!!! Myrtle is a glorious find. The original Beyoncé post was my introduction to you, and also my Jenny introduction to so many of my friends. So glad she’s still around!
Too funny! In my neighbourhood when I was growing up, the people down the street would give out egg salad sandwiches. They wouldn’t wrap it up so all the egg stuff would get on your candy. They were from another country so we hoped they would catch on that egg salad sandwiches were not appropriate, but they never did. And we never stopped going to their house. Not sure who was the stupid one here?
I love this so much. Lol.
Trick-or-treat mother fucker
Don’t give up on eggs. At the Iowa State Fair, the Iowa Egg Council gives out hard boiled eggs on a stick. You can even roll it in Lawry’s Seasoning Salt before eating it. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
However, kids would love a chicken that deposited eggs. Don’t abandon that idea yet.
I have wanted my own Beyonce for 14 years (ever since I read your original post) but hubby refuses to spend the money. 😂
“knock, knock, motherfucker” was my introduction to you.
Halloween Egg Hunt~~~~~~~~~~
Guuuuuurrrrl you KNOW Amazon is your friend when searching for sugar based eggs! And my shrink is trying to get me off my ADHD meds so I REALLY feel your pain when you run out. I’m a maniac who gets nothing done.
You know, I still tell people about Beyoncé the Big Metal Chicken to this day. That is one of the best stories I have ever heard!
Your Beyonce post was the one that led me to your blog, and I will never forget it. SO glad to know you still have her! I have read that post aloud to so many people and I still cannot get through it without being completely crippled with laughter. Just one of many high points in your career, but a defining moment for so many of us. Your Halloween ideas are completely on point, as usual!
Didn’t know how much I needed to laugh until I saw your post–thanks for getting me out of my doom-and-gloom head for a while. I am thankful for you.
I have never read the Beyonce post, any chance you can provide a link or tell us how we can find it?
Please Jenny where did you find Myrtle? I love her and I want one? Love you!!
(She’s from the Tractor Supply store. ~Jenny)
OMG she’s all sorts of awesome. Just going to throw this out there if you haven’t named her yet. Shelley Boovall. Your love of Shelley Duvall, you want to distribute eggs out her butt and to top it all off Mary Shelley the infamous author of a monster book.
Okay, where does one acquire one’s own poultrygeist?
First of all, “Myrtle Poultry-geist” is a masterpiece and I will not be accepting notes. The glowing solar-panel chicken ghost? Iconic. The deviled eggs? Unhinged but thoughtfully packaged, which is really the gold standard of chaos.
Also, hiding candy eggs in her haunted cloaca and asking children if they know a good eggs-orcist? That’s the kind of commitment to a bit that deserves a neighborhood award and possibly mild supervision.
Victor’s concern about “wet eggs to small children” feels valid, but your sandwich bag contingency plan proves you are both visionary and logistics-minded. A rare combo.
And Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken absolutely counts as family. Fourteen years older and still visible from your desk? That’s not décor. That’s legacy infrastructure.
As for Seth Rogen… look. If he did randomly drop “Knock knock, motherfucker” as a subtle homage to you, that would be the greatest Easter egg (sorry) in modern entertainment. I choose to believe the universe is that funny.
Also, if you ever need to definitively prove that Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken towers over Myrtle Poultry-geist in majestic poultry scale, you should absolutely make a comparison chart at https://heightcomparisonchart.com/
. Because nothing says “serious artist” like accurately documenting the vertical dominance of your haunted fowl.
Please send invitations to Halloween. I will bring ethically distributed candy eggs.