Victor always makes fun of me because I’ve never been asked to do jury duty and I must be on a list of people to avoid but last month I finally got a card telling me to show up. I filled out the questionnaire and thought I’d be disqualified when because I said “no” to the part where it asks if you are of sound mind and good moral character, but apparently that doesn’t matter because they still said I had to come in. (And honestly I love watching court tv so I wasn’t against being chosen, but I also know that my depression and anxiety can be disabling at times so I wasn’t sure if I’d able to do a long trial.)
Nonetheless, I made my way downtown and my map made me walk out to a plank in the middle of the river and then I was swarmed by so many screeching grackles my ears hurt. Other cities get fall colors. San Antonio gets this:
Nonetheless, I was sworn in and picked for the first panel for a criminal court and a lady had us all line up in order but the girl in front of me wasn’t on the list so the bailiff asked “What’s your street name?” and she was like, “My what now?” and he said, “Your street name” and she looked at me and I shrugged and whispered, “What they call you on the street, I guess?” and she said, “Like my gang name?” and the man behind us was like, “He wants your address” and then we both were like, “Ooooooh” and I suspect we both got red marks by our names.
Then we hiked up five floors of stairs and stood in the hall in a long line outside of the courtroom. Apparently this is intentional because when people see a hundred jurors standing outside waiting to be selected they’re more likely to take a plea and so everyone just stands outside as long as it takes for lawyers to decide whether to move forward. I brought a book so I was fine with waiting but after 45 minutes my feet were killing me so I sat on the ground and then the bailiff came out to tell us we were about to go in so I stood back up and then 30 minutes passed and I sat back down on the floor and then a lawyer came out and said they were almost ready and so I stood back up and then another 30 minutes passed and I was like, “Watch, I’m going to do a magic trick” and sat down and immediately the bailiff came out and was like, “Okay, everyone get in line” and I said, “TA-DA!” and the bailiff probably gave me another red mark. Then another 20 minutes passed and a woman walked in in her pajamas and yelled “WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED?” until a lawyer came out to get her and I crossed my fingers that I’d be on her trial because I kind of loved her. And then, after so many hours, the judge came out and told us that with our help, all of the trials on the docket had been settled and that we could go home. Which was both a little disappointing and also a relief.
I have my first time doing jury duty next Monday after 40 something years of never having been called. Thanks for calming me and my anxiety. But I will laugh SO HARD if they ask for my street name.
Did you get paid less for your time than it cost you to park? That’s how it was for me in Houston Every Single Time. Years. Not to mention the joy of driving down 45 in both morning and evening rush hours.
(Yeah. Got paid $25. Parking was $40. But there was apparently a cheaper garage. I just couldn’t find it. ~ Jenny)
Yep! This tracks. I was selected on a jury that was awful. They actually bring in a box of evidence, bloody things, etc. My next jury summons, I dressed like a crazy street lady. The woman behind me dressed as a witch. I believe that it is everyone’s duty to serve. I think once is enough, if you are actually picked once.
Your first time at jury duty sounds way better than mine. I had a panic attack and was crying and the judge told me I would have to come back and make up my time even though I had sat there all day. It was awful.
I’ve only been summoned for jury duty once and we were also sent home without ever seeing the inside of the courtroom. Big disappointment. I was actually looking forward to it. My husband loves to tell how he was on a jury several years in a row in NYC and was invited to meet the judge. I must not look like jury material. If they had asked for my street name, I would probably have said something weird like “Crap Weasel”.
Oh my God I love story so much Jen I have checked no to the same box that ask are you of sound minded good moral character. I love that show that you’ve got a gang name street name now I really want to know what it is LOL And I love your magic trick “look I can make a card officer appear all I have to do is sit down “tada!!
To me this is probably the most hilarious court experience ever, but who knows? I’ve been called a number of times but have never actually served, twice because I had no transpo other than the bus, which they said was unreliable (duh), another time because I had strong feelings against domestic abuse (again duh). Never have been asked about my street name, but the kids on the block call me Abuelita, if that counts.
Honestly if you get the letter and go in the courtroom next time and want to go because you don’t feel well just say at loud he or she is not guilty I know my spiritual guide told me just now and she never wrong !!!! Then I am pretty sure they send you home😀😄😉
My street name is Normal. It’s funny because I am anything but….
I was actually the foreperson on a jury TWICE. I rather enjoyed it! Maybe my street name is Pickmeforforeperson Rd.
I usually ignore the jury summons. I do mail art and know how much mail gets lost. I didn’t sign for it, it didn’t get scanned for delivery receipt so they can’t prove I didn’t get it. Although I did do the jury thing about 35 years ago. They tried to vilify a witness because she worked (gasp) in a topless bar, like maybe we’d be so outraged we’d ignore the drunk guy in daddy’s Beemer. We did not-guilty of DUI. I decided to pay attention to my summons for next month. We’ll see if they ask my street name, yo, the dawgs call me ‘Turnip J’
I doubt they ever read the forms, other than to note who returned them. My autistic daughter was called once, and checked off that support would be needed. She is capable of serving, but would need someone to walk her through and help her deal with the crowds.
Anyway, she received the notice to show up, and of course no support was offered. And there was no option to contact anyone. I started with the main courtroom number and was finally connected with someone who excused her.
When my son was in high school, he was called shortly after he turned 18 and registered to vote. In my county, having to appear in a trial is an excused absence, but serving on a jury is not. When he filled out the form he put down high school student under occupation, and highlighted it. Fortunately, he was never called.
I have been called several times but never chosen/seated. Bummer. I’ve always wanted to serve.
One time while I was waiting to be questioned at voir dire, they were asking everyone if they were related to a police officer (and it would probably disqualify you for this case). My uncle was a police officer. I didn’t want to be put on this trial for scheduling reasons and expected length of trial (but would love to serve as a juror otherwise). I kept thinking “Rats! If only I were related to a police officer like my mom is.” (I have a phd but can be situationally quite slow). Luckily I figured it out before they got to me so didn’t perjure myself.
Have served on 4 separate juries, one for a 10-day trial. All in favor if doing my duty but sure wish there was a get-out-of-jail-free card after say the first 3 times…
Back when I lived in Houston (1999-1983) I was selected to be on a jury for a murder trial (non-capital or I would have been disqualified). The company I was temping at didn’t like me taking time off to go to the selection process and then the two more days that it took to complete the trial which is probably why I was “rolled off” the project shortly after. It was pretty much open and shut.
Last year I was told to be in a town 40 miles away for a Federal jury but after I filled out the form they decided I was too old and I think I’m off the hook for the duration.
I’ve been on two murder trials, once when I was in college and once last year. Both were awful. There were actually a lot of similarities between the two, but our verdicts were very different. When I tell people this, they always say “Oh, how interesting!” but it really wasn’t. Sooo much waiting around, and such long days. Ugh.
But the real reason I’m commenting here is to point out that for those with anxiety, panic disorders, etc for whom serving would be a real hardship, you can get a medical provider to help you opt out. I assume different jurisdictions do this differently, but it’s worth looking into. xox
I have a collapsible stool I take with me anywhere I might be required to stand for more than 5 minutes. It is all plastic so clears the scanners with no problem.
Congrats for not getting enpaneled, but I bet one of your docs would have written you an excuse for multi-day service.
My father waited his whole life to get called for jury duty and when he finally got a summons, it was for his own trial! (He was the judge.) Isn’t it ironic? Dontcha think?
I’ve served on three juries, all civil cases. It was much more interesting than I expected.
Many years ago, when I was nursing my infant son, I got called for jury duty. I called them & told them I couldn’t come because I was breast feeding around the clock. I mean I was living in a nursing gown. The mean woman told me if I didn’t show up they would issue a bench warrant & no, I couldn’t bring my son. This led to me having a panic attack & having to arrange for someone to park outside so J could slip out to nurse my son. It was a nightmare day. It’s probably why my son became a lawyer.
I’ve been on maybe three trials an no one has ever asked me “What’s your street name?” If they had I might have guessed right after puzzling over it for a while, taken a stab at it. That’s a really weird way to ask. I think someone needs to put a mark by her name. Why not “What’s your address?” Are potential jurors listed by street only? I don’t get it. And . . . she should have given a context before or after.
I made it to voir dire before they asked if we had any law enforcement ties and at the time it was my entire immediate family. After hearing that the lawyer asked if I thought I could be impartial. I said “oh for sure but I wouldn’t pick me if I were you”. He turned to the room and said “and that’s how you get out of jury duty”.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who had a jury selection experience that made me wonder what I had done to be tortured.
I was sure I’d be bounced immediately from jury duty since I was foreign born and associated with a university. Nope. I was seated with the first large group and told to come back after lunch. When we all filed in after lunch, the judge and lawyers went into a huddle. Several people who had served before said this was unusual. Then it was announced that we could all go home. The criminal had escaped.
Your adventure was humorous as always. I wonder if that part of San Antonio is near a lot of fast food restaurants? We get major grackle action near all of ours. Try drive through in a convertible at your peril.
Was once picked for a jury where the bad guy had – from another imprisonment – sent other bad guys to threaten the jury. He orchestrated insurance fraud, arson, witness tampering, and much more. I simply asked the judge for a few days delay (“Don’t tell me why,” he said, “I’m sure you’re an honorable man.”) and he granted it. But, the next day, they excused me.
Only later did I realize that they were protecting me, my spouse, and my children from this horrible guy.
Addendum: by total weird coincidence (!), he began dating my niece and has now fathered a child with her that CPS has taken away. He tried to run over the niece’s mom in the court parking lot, but no one is willing to testify that they saw him do it.
🤭🤭🤭
I’ve been called 4 times, empaneled once (that case was dismissed & I’m still angry at the plaintiff for weirdly personal reasons), excused once day-of, and stuck in the jury room all day twice.
Thankfully, parking is free for my current county’s petit jurors (we park off site & the court buses us to the courthouse) but I had to pay to park one time in my former county. (I lived within walking distance the time I was empaneled.)
I usually bring books; essay or short story collections are best bc there’s a lot of stop-and-start as the court officers swear you in & call your numbers (plus, some jury holding rooms are underground, so there’s no cell signal or if there is wifi, the workaholics have their laptops connected, so it’s slow AF.)
I laughed while reading the part about sitting down and standing up repeatedly, but omg just thinking about your day makes me a bit anxious. Like what do you mean walking up 5 flights of stairs?! (I get winded walking up 1 flight of stairs, and there will be other people around probably judging me??) And standing in line that long omg. So glad I’ve never had to do this (got the letter for jury duty once years ago and my awesome boss sent some ‘we can’t spare her’ bs after seeing how anxious I was just holding the letter).
But those birds. What the fudge? Have you seen the movie The Birds? ’cause…. you may need to be worried.
Jury duty is a mixed bag. I always go when I’m called. And I always feel virtuous for having done it. Think about it. God forbid you were arrested and being tried, would you want a jury of your peers who were all angling to weasel out of doing their civic duty? You would not. I was once in a jury pool in LA for a capital trial involving three young men. The judge was the one who, years later would preside over the OJ Simpson trial. Because I object to the death penalty, I was excused.
I have anxiety, multiple allergies and chemical sensitivities including cleaning materials, perfumes and other scented bath and body products, and the scents left on clothes by dryer sheets, and mold that affect my breathing and make my throat close up, (our courthouses are old and full of mold,) and I can’t stand or sit for too long with my feet below my heart or I start to pass out and sweat and my heart starts beating irregularly due to an autonomic instability POTS like syndrome. (It’s not an anxiety attack, it’s way worse, but I get those also.) The only time I was called for jury duty was in my 40’s, and my disability assistance application case lawyer and my doctor wrote a letter to the court to have me flagged as permanently disabled and unable to serve on jury duty for the rest of my life.
(When I had to appear for my disability hearing at court, I wound up having to lay on the floor with my feet up on the chair in the middle of my hearing in front of the judge because I had an attack from sitting too long.)
Thank goodness, I’ll never have to be in a courthouse doing jury duty because it would put me into the ER.
Last December I got called for jury duty and was put in the back up juror pool. This is even worse than being an actual juror, because you are on call for the entire week and have to keep calling in every day to find out if you have to go in. It’s much better to just get into a regular pool and get it over with or get dismissed.
In our county, jury duty was always on Monday, and you used to be able wait and call in on the Friday before to find out if they still needed jurors. So the only people that ever had to go in were ones that had voluntarily responded earlier in the week—either because they didn’t read all the instructions, were really civic-minded, were retired and/or bored, or just really really really wanted to be on a jury. (What could go wrong?) Anyway, they don’t do that here anymore.
Last time I had to sit through voir dire I deliberately did not look at the lawyers, smirked/almost laughed a few times (especially at the potential juror who said you couldn’t judge someone because only God/Jesus could do that).
I’d already been on two juries by that time: one murder and one felony mischief where I got to imagine sight of the 300+ pound security guard telling how he chased the culprit and lost him.
the pressure in the jury room if you don’t agree with the majority is intense
I went in and my group got called into a courtroom on the fifth floor and there were three high schoolers sitting at the front tables and I thought it was one of those programs to show kids about different careers. Then they were introduced as the prosecutor, the public defender, and the defendant.
I’ve never felt so old in my life.
STREET NAME? I laughed so hard!
I’ve been chosen for a jury twice…once for a burglary trial, where they decide I should be foreman and we took an initial ballot and everyone said “guilty.” That took all of ten minutes, so we sat around and talked for twenty minutes so it would at least look like we’d actually discussed the case. The second trial was domestic violence, and the judge declared a mistrial before the defense even got a chance to start talking. Deliberations would have been far more interesting.
My favorite part of both cases was after the trial (even the mistrial) where the judge and attorneys talk to anyone on the jury who’s interested about the trial. They all want to know how they did, what could have been improved, did they tell us enough how important our jury service was — a little bit like Yelp for trials. The defense in the mistrial couldn’t tell us much about their strategy, since they might have been going to re-try in the future, but it was kind of fun to be able to tell the prosecution where we thought there were holes in their case.
Thank God for you, Jenny. I so needed to smile.
I’ve only been called in for jury duty once, this past summer, and in the end I was 1 of 2 people who weren’t questioned for possible selection. BUT it took 3 hours longer than had been scheduled (it went into the next day) for the jury selection for the trial because the defense attorney didn’t know how the county superior court operated, so I found that interesting.
I am an attorney. I was called for jury duty, and duly appeared, to be greeted by any number of court staff saying “counselor, we haven’t seen you a long time!” I allowed as how I’d left private practice and gone to work for the state. But it was pretty much obvious from the beginning that everyone knew me. I was in the first panel called in. Bailiff came in and smiled. Judge came in and greeted me by my nickname. The attorneys started asking their questions. First question: anyone have experience with the legal system. Stuck up my hand, said I was an attorney. Next question: is anyone in this courtroom previously known to you? Stuck up my hand again. “I know everyone except you, your opponent, and the defendant.”
Somehow or other I was dismissed. 😀
I thought you were going to reveal some secret way jurors were selected based on street names! My husband has received jury summons twice in the past few years and I have received zero. Last week he got a federal jury summons and I laughed so very hard at him (although secretly I’m jealous because I would LOVE to be on a really interesting trial jury… preferably one with a bizarre element like a twinkie defense or Owl Theory).
I got smart the second time I was called. I brought a tote bag full of snacks, two magazines, a book, my journal, and some crocheting (back when plastic crochet hooks weren’t lethal weapons). Sat down, got comfortable, pulled out my crocheting, and the bailiff came in and said we weren’t needed. Only time I ever got mad at being released early!
I swear to all that is sacred that if they ever call me down there, I’m going to bring my rollator and a little cooler with necessary medication.
My one and only jury experience was reading 3 books in 2 days while we sat around. And then, at the end of the second day, a bunch of us were ushered into a courtroom, I got asked one question by the defense attorney, and was promptly dismissed for having “a conflict of interest.”
Street name? Is that like the Your 1st Pet + Your 1st Street = Your Stripper Name”?
Because mine is Candy Front, and no one will ever convince me that that’s not the best stripper name on the effing planet.
My husband was just called for jury duty 2+ hours away and wasn’t chosen. Which is disappointing because he had a speech explaining why he couldn’t be impartial bc he was a lawyer and was already prejudiced toward the defendant (a large insurance company) but they didn’t even seat him. However there was an entire list of what you could and could not wear (business attire) no phones, no smart watches.
My son was sent a jury summons for duty later this month. He’s got anxiety/ depression, and gets panic attacks but he wants to go through with the whole process to prove it to himself that he can do it. When he filled out the mail-in questionnaire, he thought they might disqualify him from the jump because his dysgraphia makes his handwriting looks like a seven year old. We shall see! I hope it all goes well.
@#9: Dude, are you in San Diego? Because I live in Normal Heights, not far from Normal Street and the Normal School! People from outside San Diego find it amusing, because I am profoundly weird.
Made me think of Jello Biafra’s spoken-word piece about the jury selection for his obscenity trial. There was one person he thought seemed cool and might be on his side, but then they blurted out “ALL COPS ARE LIARS!” and they were OUT. I’ve got an excuse letter from my shrink and my GP, but I keep that one stored away in the membranes, JIC.
Your Pal,
Storm the Klingon
I was summoned for a big case that was extremely sensitive in nature. Everyone was asked to answer a set of questions from the prosecution and a set from the defense (it was like Devil’s Advocate picking jurors), Yes’s to any questions then led to more questions, mainly elaborating more on the topic, and I was the only one who answered yes to almost all the questions. They were questions like, “Have you ever been a victim of a crime?” as well as “Do you know the attorneys or cops?” There were like 20 of them, but I can’t recall them too well beyond it being kind of clear to me that the prosecution was looking for people who empathize with victims, and the defense was looking for people who understand that immoral and illegal are two different things. So there I was in the middle of a courtroom trauma dumping to an audience of about 100 potential jurors, a judge, some attorneys, and cops. At some point, I experienced severe cataplexy and had to explain what that was. For those who don’t know, it’s a narcolepsy symptom where your entire body goes limp for a minute or two, usually triggered by a strong emotion. I did take advantage of the situation to explain to the judge that victims of trauma should not be questioned on the stand without a licensed psychologist present. I got dismissed, a pretty unanimous decision, for being a train wreck. But smart move since I’m pretty certain the guy is guilty and it’s a question of what charges specifically he is guilty of.
@spottingthenot – My stripper name would be Indulgence. I stole that from the back of a body wash bottle. But pet and street, Fat Cat 5th and Grant, sounds more hood I like it better. My friend Gayle, who is an English teacher and WVU Band alumnus, who often speaks in code alluding to The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, would often use the name “Jill Adams” as her name, her street name I suppose, but her fake name she’d give out at bars, because it’s the name of the craziest person at the Psych Ward when she visited.
Responding to, “Street name? Is that like the Your 1st Pet + Your 1st Street = Your Stripper Name”?
Because mine is Candy Front, and no one will ever convince me that that’s not the best stripper name on the effing planet.”
He should have just asked what street do you live on or what street is your house on. Millions of ways to say it yet he chose the most obtuse one. Guess he wanted a little fun in his life that day.
Yep.
I used to bailiff jury trials in Southern KS. Much of this sounds familiar. Thanks, Jenny!
My first jury duty was a grand jury – we all showed up, we all got picked, it was long and generally awful, and the funniest joke I’ve ever heard in my life was said right before we indicted someone and I can’t tell anyone and it’s been eating at me for three years.
Was just called to “be available” for jury duty for the first time in about 15 years. Ended up not having to go – just had to call in every night for a week and have a robotic voice tell me I did not have to report, go on about my life. My juror number was 47, so I fully expected to be called. No idea what happened, maybe there weren’t any criminals that week.
The last time I was called I actually got as far as the group of 50ish that they question to decide if they want to keep you. The case was for a civil lawsuit related to a worker’s comp case. My job is handling workers comp cases for the state. They couldn’t get rid of me fast enough – I think the lawyers argued over which of them had to use one of their go-away cards for me, neither of them wanted me anywhere near that case!
Oh, I miss those grackles in San Antonio! Looks like they’ve doubled their population about 5 times since 1968.
I adore grackles. Crows with massive Texas attitudes!
Got jury duty once about 10 years ago. Alot of waiting around. Got picked as an alternate juror for a theft case. After more waiting in the courtroom, the defendant entered, looked at the jury and took a plea. So we were dismissed. I was glad to be heading home after a little g day. Walking to the parking garage i had to cross a street. I waited for the crosswalk sign to give me the signal to walk, looked to make sure no cars were coming, started walking across the street, and GOT HIT by a CAR! Needless to say when I got jury duty for next week, I shuddered. Thankfully they accidentally scheduled it on Veterans Day so we are excused.
Street name would have tripped me up too, like one of those games where you take the block you grew up on and your dog’s middle name and it’s… something. 😏 then I’d be like “so not my Government Name”? And then “oh so you mean my ADDRESS?” So confusing. But now you’ve given me the idea to show up in pajamas next time I’m called (although, I’m in Pasco County, FL, so that may be fine here).
Kinda jealous! Utah does theirs online now, so I could put away laundry while I waited. Really liked it. I wasn’t chosen either, but no baliffs to put red marks by my name either.
Don’t you just love democracy?
I get called in every year but never get picked. I swear they’re just trying to mess with me.
Just so you know, the above photo looks like when I go out to my front yard to call and feed the crows every afternoon. Unless they’re already waiting for me, which often they are because they totally can tell time. It’s all kinds of awesome. And yes, this all started because I read the prequel to practical magic, magic rules
My present street name is Beaver. Which is especially fun when playing that game when you combine your first pet name with your street name to get your stripper name. So catch me on a pole as Buns Beaver.