So. Last night I went to Windcrest (it’s part of San Antonio) because they have this decades-old tradition where people put up incredible holiday decorations and people can drive through the neighborhoods for free. I was chosen to be one of the judges of the Christmas Light-Up because the theme this year is “storybooks” and they wanted an author. I was more than slightly nervous to leave the house because of my social anxiety but from the email invite it sounded like a simple little dinner cooked and given by high school students and then a drive around the neighborhoods to judge the houses. I told Victor I wasn’t sure what to wear because I don’t own anything christmasy and he was like, “I’m sure you can wear anything” so I threw a sweater from Goodwill over my denim house dress and as I was walking out of the door I realized I was still wearing my garden flip-flops and ran to change shoes but the only ones I could find didn’t match my outfit at all but who cares because I’m sure it’s fine, right? *cough*
And then we got inside and I walked directly into several men who were wearing elaborate white coronation suits with gold cords and medals, like the one Cinderella’s husband wore at the royal ball and I was like, “I have made a terrible mistake.”
And then Victor said, “It’s fine. I see other people wearing casual clothes” and that would be comforting if right then a man hadn’t walked in wearing a full royal suit complete with a golden crown THAT LIT THE FUCK UP. So if you ever feel underdressed in the future, just know that you’re not doing that badly if you’re not in a goodwill sweater standing next to a man in an electrified and bejeweled golden crown.
And then I just stared at Victor because what the fuck is actually happening right now and he was like, “Let’s just go sit at that empty table in the back in case we need to sneak out” and so we sat alone for a few minutes until the most glamorous woman I’ve ever seen in real life walked in wearing a stunning dress and she and her husband came to sit with us and did I mention that she was also wearing a crown BECAUSE SHE’S THE REIGNING MISS SAN ANTONIO.
I could not make this shit up, y’all.
BUT…I decided to just give up all pretense of pretending to be normal and skipped awkward smalltalk and got into a weirdly deep conversation with this gorgeous woman who also happens to also be a lawyer and a mother and a fellow introver,t and it was lovely and I was very impressed with myself for not faking diarrhea and immediately hiding in the bathroom until everyone left.
Then we were told that the judges would be split up into groups that would be driven around by the police and that’s when I thought, “This is the weirdest undercover sting I have ever been involved in and if they wanted me to pay my parking tickets they could have just said.” But turns out I wasn’t being arrested and I sent my kid a text with this picture and the words, “Right now I’m in the back of a cop car and I’m not going to jail this time and I just wanted to celebrate this as a win. HIGH FIVE.”
And Hailey probably pinched their nose and sighed just like the cop was doing in the picture and they replied, “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING??” but I didn’t respond because I was too busy asking the cop legal questions. (Like did you know that if I refused to wear a seatbelt in a cop car I would get the ticket instead of him? Who knew? Answer: He knew.)
Anyway, this is just to say that even though I initially thought that I’d made a terrible mistake in leaving the house, it ended up being really lovely and I’m leaving this here to remind myself to get out more even if I do it in my garden flip-flops. (But maybe I should put an emergency crown in the car for next time? I don’t know the rules about crowns.)
PS. Turns out the guys in the royal suits were part of the Fiesta royalty which will make no sense to you if you don’t live in San Antonio, but it’s totally a real thing we love here. I got a picture of them but it wasn’t very flattering so instead I’m using an official one, although this is a totally different crown than the one he was wearing last night and how many crowns does he have? It’s kind of impressive, really, but now I’m wondering if I need to have multiple emergency car crowns?
Leaving the house is confusing, y’all.
PPS. I did not get any good pictures of the houses because I’m a terrible journalist but this one I took from a moving police car was one of my favorites because I know people love a good nativity scene but I’m an absolute sucker for a house with a death star on it.
Happy holidays, y’all.
Love it
Wait…Rey Feo…King Ugly? LMAO
I have a deep-down-in-my-bones LOVE for you, and you looked radiant, whether you believe me or not. You could make anything funny, even if you do it from under the tablecloth or high stepping from tabletop to the stage. Happy holidays to y’all from Western New York! I moved here from San Antonio, seeing you with Fiesta royalty hits me right in the feels!
You look super wintry festive, very Solstice-coded. I approve!!
I am a Star Wars nerd! That would be my favorite. Don’t ever ask a husband for fashion advice or any kind of etiquette! I mean maybe some know but mine would not! I think you looked just as beautiful as Miss San Antonio! That is a great Goodwill find! Next time you shop thrift, stock up on crowns!👑
Oh, Jenny, I love you!
Only you!
Thank you for the reminder to put an emergency crown in my car’s glove box.
I don’t know the rules for crowns either, but I’ve heard that in certain circles invitations may include the line “Tiaras will be worn.”
I think your denim frock is nicer than the beauty queen’s, and I hope you voted for the death star house.
Now I want a light up crown, dammit
I keep a really warm blanket in the car in case I break down (me or the car) on the side of the road and it’s really cold. In winter I also have an emergency change of clothes and toiletries because I have a long commute and it’s always possible I’ll have to spend a night in a hotel if the roads get really bad. (The emergency kit also has a list of hotels arranged in I64 exit order from work to home, updated every year.) Now I’m worried I need an emergency crown, too. My emergency clothes (am I typing emergency a lot? it feel like I am) aren’t very fancy. Do I need to upgrade my emergency wardrobe to befit a crown?
I’m glad your adventures outside of the house worked out well. As always, you give the rest of hope.
Gurl, now I NEED a light up crown!
We totally need to get you a tiara.
First, you look beautiful! Second, Miss San Antonio is amazing and how cool that you got to meet her!! I love Fiesta and how neat to have those gentlemen in their suits and crowns!
How cool! I’m proud of you for going!!!
What a fun dinner! My daughter met King Antonio at a restaurant and he gave everyone there Fiesta medals.
Wow, what an incredible experience!
I would have sat there, and cried.
Not because of sadness, but I am an emotional crier.
Like, if I were to actually brave going to Nowhere, I would probably burst into tears.
(I have, literally, warned some of my Icons that I will probably cry on them, when we hug.)
Christmas lights DEFINITELY make me cry.
Like, I am tearing up, right now.
Thank you.
I would rather be seen in a denim dress than an electrified crown, which sounds dangerous if it rains, but that could be my pain meds talking.
JENNY I was watching an odd little docuseries called ‘The Duchess and Her Magical Kingdom’ about the actual Duchess of Alnwick and her plans to build a massive magical play land for children behind the castle. And something about her reminded me of someone, but I didn’t place it till she was tiptoeing merrily around the stately historic castle with a shopping bag full of taxidermied rats, looking for the perfect places to hide them so that visitors would spot them, and then I knew it was obviously you.
So you’re fine because you’re just like a Duchess.
Rules for a crown: if you want one, wear one. The End. 👑
I love your outfit! It’s looked comfortable and pretty and more approachable than anyone in a crown and formal attire.
Keep rocking it!
I love a good holiday decorations participating neighborhood. It makes winter a lot less dreary, and they should stay up until after Little Christmas also know as also known as Epiphany or Three Kings’ Day.
We did the Windcrest drive for the 25 years we lived in San Antonio. There’s no place quite like it. I have to admit that as a non VIP I never saw Fiesta royalty there. I’m pretty jealous but don’t worry. It’s not in a schadenfreude kind of way. I mostly wish we never left San Antonio.
You end up in the best places. I’m so glad you went and enjoyed it.
If you want a crown I can recommend a friend of mine. She would tell you to wear a crown whenever and wherever you want. Check her stuff at Half Lucid Jewelry on Instagram. She’s made stuff for everyone from a photoshoot in Vogue to a gift for Wil Wheaton.
We need to get you a light-up car crown for emergencies.
100% on multiple emergency car crowns…but if you just wear one with your denim house dress, you’ll always be prepared. Could be like those days of the week panties, except with crowns, you know?
You look fabulous. And also, I guess I am particular to houses with Death Stars on them. Not multiple Death Stars, just one is enough.
As a Texan, I have tried to explain San Antonio to non-Texans before and failed miserably.
Bloggess,
You hit the Nail on the Head that San Antonio always has the Most Misunderstood Christmas anywhere in the Country!
I absolutely love your Goodwill dress and the sweater is so pretty. You looked beautiful!! (NOT sure about the flip flops 😃). I’ll bet everyone was charmed by you and your wit.
I live in the land of perpetual winter and left the house bundled up in various hand knits that I made. Got to the oh so formal event, looked in the mirror in the entryway and realized I was cosplaying a grown up Pippi Longstocking. I did meet some wonderful fellow knitters, so all in all it was a good experience. 🙂
Love everything about this post. Sweater looked appropriately festive! Lived in San Antonio for a few years and never had any idea what the !@#$ was going on during Fiesta and everyone I asked was just like, “It’s a whole thing.” and I still don’t know.
Well Jenny; I personally thought that your outfit was lovely and that you are lovely too! Next time you are asked to do the judging, ask for a crown to be provided to you so you can be the ‘Queen’ judge. It gives tremendous cachet and it is certainly a worthwhile incentive to get out of the house.
That’s funny because just a couple weeks ago I was telling someone u wanted a crown and I would just wear it doing random mundane things like grocery shopping or doing the laundry.
OMG you made my day AGAIN. The force is with you!!
Personally, I think you can’t go wrong with at least one good, blingy tiara and a light-up crown (or 2), but you do you- and please provide pictures!
Love every single picture and i am extremely happy i am hopefully coming to your store tomorrow at last hope we could meet it would be a dream come true
Jenny, I’m in the middle of reading “Broken.” And to come home and find an email from you – it just felt like you knew I was reading your book, and you sent this message just to me, because you knew I’d understand. And, I do. And I didn’t know how it worked regarding tickets for not wearing seat belts in a cop car.
I suspect Feo LXXVI was wearing his “running around” crown at the occasion and the photo is his “no-shit official” crown. The British royalty have “no-shit official” crowns they wear when coronated and at the opening of Parliament, but day-to-day they wear whatever everyone else hoity-toity does: hats in the daytime or if they’re doing something military outdoors, and the women wear tiaras at night. But they’re considerably more well-known; I can understand Feo having a lightweight crown just so folks know he is HDIC at the moment.
I have a crown, but I never thought of keeping it in my car. Be right back.
Your denim dress is embroidered! Your cardigan is embellished! That’s pretty fancy in my book! (I have a tiara but it doesn’t fit.)
Jenny, I had so much fun reading this. I read so many parts of loud to my husband in between my giggle snorfling. He loves that you’re a sticker for a house with a Death Star on it and we’re now contemplating building a permanent Death Star on our home.
I’m sending this to my daughter. She’s going to role her eyes and day is like they are twins.
Love you almost as much as really good Red Velvet Cake. And I LOVE my *MOIST* Red Velvet cake with Cream Cheese Frosting.
Wow! Those people committed!
We have someone a block over who does minions and adds more each year, but a Death Star trumps those.
🥰
You always make my day!
Re: crowns. There are no rules, at least not here. Because you know, no real royalty and all that. Wear your crown as you see fit. See also: tiaras.
Great job with a surreal situation! Yeah, leaving the house is iffy. Turns out you met some nice folks, though, and they benefited because they got to meet you – also one of the most interesting people present. And if there’s a likelihood they’ll call on you again next year, you can have something splendid and unique prepped to wear.
Authors are mythical things to most people. You can get away with most anything. I.e. Truman Capote. Just sayin
I don’t know where it came from but once I read the advice to “always be over dressed and just pretend you have somewhere better to go afterwards.” which I think is PLENTY of justification for getting one or more “In case of emergency” car crowns.
What an adventure!! I have a bunny trail, slightly related story. In my kindergarten class, I bribe the kids to do so during phonics time by letting the best one wear a crown the next day. I have a tiara from a kids birthday party. I was going to get a crown for the boys, but couldn’t see spending $15 on one. After debating and looking at party stores for weeks I had decided to just make one. But wait, on a snack run after church, what did I see?? Crowns for FREE at Burger King!! So, yes… my students are currently motivated by a crumpled up, slightly ripped BK kids crown. 😆 The idea of one that lights up?! I can only imagine what they would do for that. And I would also add I am planning a return BK visit for a new crisp crown soon.
This was a fun read, thank you for sharing. Happy holidaze!
Girl! I have about thirty tiaras you can borrow! I don’t live in SA anymore, but I have ensured that a friend who does ALSO has tiaras to lend. I could have one sent to the store?
Rey feo? Ugly king? That’s…an interesting thing you have in SA.
Wow, you have fancy housedresses! You looked great and they were privileged to have you and Victor. ❤️
I hadn’t ever considered an emergency crown. New anxiety unlocked! Lol! But you look great, and I also love a good themed house that’s off-beat.
I love shopping for clothes at Goodwill and Salvation Army! You can find awesome stuff for cheap, and recycling is a good deed.
You look beautiful!!! I vote we all have emergency crowns for reasons *looks around slyly. In honor of your love of taxidermy you should totally get an antler crown (made from shed antlers of course). It’d be epic!!
Thanks for sharing a little of San Antonion with those of us who don’t live there. The festive celebration seems really cool and I’m glad you braved going and staying and telling us all about it.
OMG, you were a judge at Windcrest! We went there *every year* growing up in the 80s and 90s. The traffic is legendary. But so worth it. (Also, love the line about “faking diarrhea” to hide in the bathroom. Relatable.)
Your taste in decor is fabulous. Love the death star!
Love! You clearly
Killed it 🙂 I’m sure Hailey is super proud!!!