I know many of us, including me, mourned the passing of Bone Crawford, but just in case you missed it:
The instructions to put together the Bumble said that it would take 2 people less than 30 minutes to put it together but Victor and I were standing on the lawn in the dark yelling at each other with flashlights for hours because it was complicated as hell and all the instructions were like, “ATTACH THE GLOPPERHOPPER TO THE SNORLAX WHILE SCREWING THE SNOCKLAP TO THE CLEEVE. MAKE SURE IT’S THE LEFT CLEEVE OR IT WILL EXPLODE. SEE IMAGE OF DANCE REQUIRED.”
At a certain point I wanted to just leave it until the morning but it looked like this and I was worried that we’d traumatize the neighborhood kids if they saw a Sasquatch that had been skinned and/or was flashing everyone.
Anyway, we did finally complete all the pieces and it was totally worth it because yesterday I was walking Dorothy Barker and a woman walked by with a little girl in a stroller and the little girl whispered something and her mom sighed and said, “Oh, you’ve gotta say hi to the monster again? Okay, last time though and then you have to take a nap” and the little girl giggled and all was right in the world.
On a slightly related note, I just got back from 3 days in Canada and I have more on that later (it was amazing…I miss you Canada!) but I’m so tired (in a good way) that I haven’t been able to move for a few days (thanks, chronic illness) and last night I was feeling like a bad mother because I’m too tired to put up a tree and plan a Christmas dinner so instead Hailey and I wrapped a piece of garland around a pole and cut out a tiny Rory and this is now our Xmas pole.
I can’t find the stockings so instead I’m going tape ziplock freezer bags to the mantle. Christmas will be the three of us and we are just going to reheat tamales and it will be fine. All that to say that it’s okay if your holiday doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Happy holidays, friends!
PS. The actual instructions were about “secured clevis'” and “mounting sliding cotter pins” and are these real words? WTF.
I was really hoping and excited that you got a put it together project that had a” dance requirement”!!!
We haven’t put up a tree since Christmas of 2020. Part of that has to do with moving states and having our stuff in storage for a year and part of it has to do with still unpacking and part of it has to do with just not having the energy. I think at this point if a tree goes up it’s just staying up year round.
The Christmas pole and reheated tamales sound great. I’m visiting family a 7ish hour train ride away (on the train as I type this) and going back home on Friday. Merry Merry to the three of you and the fur kids. Your monster is delightful.
The phrases “secured clevis’” and “mounting sliding cotter pins” sound vaguely pornographic.
You’ve got tamales? Sheeeeet woman, that’s all you got to have for a perfect Christmas with your family ❤️
I am going to make a mousse pâté with a fresh baguette. And a Mount Gay gimlet or maybe some aquavit. And ziplocs sound like a great idea in case something is ‘drippy’. Enjoy-or don’t enjoy- these wacky times however you want!
We’re having a hodgepodge of turkey tenderloins, leftover ham, brussel sprouts, and baked sweet and regular potatoes plus some other things. Your Christmas sounds perfect to me!
Those are real words but only a mechanic would know them. I can’t find our stockings either! I have a fire place mantle this year! I put twine string under the mantle and clothes pinned some little ornament stockings on it.
The volume of the nerdy yelp I just made, seeing the Sasquatch, surprised me. That is EPIC! Also, yay Rory.
I got tired of trying to provide a perfect Christmas but feeling like all the onus was on me. So I made some changes: we’re not exchanging gifts, at all. Too many anxiety-prone people in the family that get stressed out over gifts. We get together with the adult kids and my nephew on whatever day works best for everyone that is closest to Christmas, and play board games. We have our traditional Christmas meal, which is now take-out sushi. If anyone is longing for a turkey and cranberries they are welcome to make it and bring it, and we will eat that instead; otherwise, its sushi and tempura. This has made Christmas way, way less stressful for me.
Um…so I’m sure I’m wrong but it sounds like you built a giant monster in your yard for all to enjoy and are beating yourself up about not putting up a Christmas tree? Christmas trees are basic; you obviously are not. Take the win, Jenny!
I love this and you so much. I’m in my terrible 50s and most of the time I don’t care what other people think anymore, but for some reason I still think I’m failing if I don’t decorate for Christmas. I had great intentions this year, but my hubby went tdy and I couldn’t carry the totes in by myself then he got the flu right after he got home so I figured this year would be a wash. Went to heb today and they have Christmas trees on sale for $5!!!!! So I got one (totally forgetting we don’t have a stand) and brought him home. I’ve named him Herman and he now lives in a plastic cat litter bucket. If I could figure out how to add a pic I would send one. He’s kinda dorky and sad looking but he’s also very sweet and I think that’s the perfect combo for our house ☺️ Hope no matter what anyone’s holidays look like you have peace and love because that’s the most important part ❤️
Rory! I still have mine up on the wall in the laundry room. He just sort of fits. I hope your holiday is great!
My mom is 91 and it is probably her last Christmas, I asked what she wanted and she said sandwiches, deviled ham from a can on Iron Kids White bread. It was very specific. So we’re having that at her house.
I spend my holidays in my pajamas under a pile of cats, reading and watching tv, and apparently this looks weird to everyone else but I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is what makes me happy. My cats are better to me than people ever will be.
Gurgle says: “Sliding cotter pins, also known as split pins, are simple, cost-effective metal fasteners used to secure components (like castle nuts on axles) by inserting them through a hole and bending the split ends to lock them in place, preventing loosening in machinery, vehicles, and DIY projects, though they are often single-use due to bending fatigue”
Which begs the question wtf is a castle nut? Is it anything like a pecan?
I’m surprised more people don’t have _bending fatigue_ at this time of year. I sure do…
A castle nut comes with a drawbridge. Learn your nuts and bolts people.
We haven’t put up a Christmas tree in years because cats. This year is the first time that I really miss one. We’re doing Thanksgiving dinner for Christmas because we weren’t able to do it in November
Ahh. The HOA fiefdom, devised to suck the fun and originality out of everything. You go, Jenny. Resist!
Wishing everyone out there peace, kindness and love, however you celebrate or don’t celebrate.
He…is…GLORIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Holidays everyone! <3
This year our holiday is definitely not looking traditional. Husband just finished aggressive daily radiation for 7 weeks, plus weekly chemo. Thanksgiving amounted to a Lean Cuisine turkey dinner for me, and a Boost supplement drink for him. I doubt is Christmas is going to be much improved. We’re too exhausted for gift exchanges, but we have each other. That’s the best.
A cotter pin looks like an uber-butch bobby pin. Instead of holding your hair in place on your head, they hold implements (accessories) in place on your tractor.
If you’ve got a decorated pole, you’re ready for feats of strength and airing of the grievances.
You are all doing awesome! This is the first time in 3 years since my husband passed that I’ve felt like doing the decorating thing. And secret elfed my neighbors. The walk nearly did me in, but I felt more jolly afterwards. Have a very merry everything!
What a hoot and good job YOU! Love that the little one wanted to see the monster one more time…….hahaha
Mood – my dad is visiting his cousin for two weeks (the first time he’s been away from my mom for more than a few days in their 35 year marriage; he is Concerned, mom is just vibing since she holds down the fort every day as it is) and my brother’s in laws make a BIG deal of Christmas while we don’t, so it’s just me and my mom for Christmas. We’ll probably watch a not-Christmas movie and eat the pie that’s been in the fridge all week.
My holiday time also looks extremely different from the norm, so thank you for that message. And thank you for cracking me up today–I needed it, and you made a difference in my mood. 🙂
You have done more for Christmas than I have this year. Me? Zip. Zilch. Nada. My mother passed away in August after her Alzheimer’s took a turn for the worse in June. Now I’m recovering from surgery to repair the damage to my shoulder from when I was taking care of her. At first, I just thought I was procrastinating, but then I started wondering how long it would take before my husband said something about the tree and decorations. Here it is, 12/22, and neither of us have said a word. This is getting interesting.
Just a little note, and you don’t even have to care: some of us don’t have Insta or its related services onaccounta we’re boycotting Fakebook and its relatives. I wish I knew the story of the demise of Bone Crawford.
(I had to get rid of her when I moved because the HOA where I was moving was the same HOA and they weren’t a fan. 🙂 Can you not see embedded posts if you’re not on insta? Or do you mean that you just don’t look at them? No judgment either way…just wondering. Thanks@ ~ Jenny)
I am so completely confused, and this is probably not the place to get an answer, but … I thought Jenny and family MOVED this past year. Got rid of a bunch of her stuff. Smaller house. Different neighborhood. Now she’s doing battle with the same HOA?? At first I thought maybe the old house hadn’t sold yet and she was decorating the yard of an empty house, but she wouldn’t be walking Dorothy Barker in a neighborhood where she no longer lives. I’m not losing my mind. June 16, 2025, several pages back, “new house.” May 27, 2025, “moving hell.” May 1, 2025, “smaller place.” April 15, 2025, though, “same neighborhood.” I may have answered my own question. I’ve never lived in a single-family house with an HOA (I’m a condominium kind of guy). They moved such a short distance that they didn’t escape their old HOA?? I’d have moved one neighborhood over just so I could keep Bone Crawford! But, I guess if you have stores you like and know how to get everywhere, it’s good not to move too far.
(Ha! We moved into a different house in the same division. It’s about a mile away from our last house. ~ Jenny)
I haven’t put up a tree yet this year, but I’m feeling like I might move some sewing stuff and put up a small one on top of the stand where the sewing stuff usually lives.
There will be no stockings, because I can’t find them, and no big Christmas Eve dinner, because a. I can’t afford it right now and more importantly, b. At least three of the kids have to work well into the evening. But Christmas morning there will be Eggnog French Toast and a few presents, and laughs. That night, there will be the traditional Chinese Take Out (My oldest son’s gift each year), and quite possibly a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity. It’s so much fun to make my kids blush.
Unfortunately I have no idea what happened to Bone Crawford because I boycott instagram and all related social media empires, so I can’t watch or hear the video. I’d love to know the story.
One of my siblings was able to visit with their family this year, but the other stayed home because their family is battling the vicious type A flu bug that is making a world tour and is currently enjoying all 50 American States.
We are planning a great Christmas dinner for Christmas Eve, and then we’ll eat leftovers until New Years Eve, but the day before that we will all go out to eat Connecticut Apizza which is the best pizza in the world with my former stepfather and his significant other for Hanukkah.
I don’t know if we will put up a tree or decorate, because I’m kind of tired and unmotivated, especially because it’s at my 83 year old mother’s house and after the visiting family split for home, it’ll be on me with my bad knees and bad back to un-decorate and carry the tree and boxes of ornaments back down into the basement.
So I’m kinda liking your Rory Christmas pole idea.
I’m of the mind of as long as there is good food, good friends and family around, it’s the perfect Christmasmakkuh season and all the rest is just fairy dust for children and grownup nostalgia.
I love your abominable snowman monster decor story! Nothing beats the love children have for their monsters.
May you and your followers’ holidays season be sheltered, well fed, and filled with peace and love.
I am CRAZY about the giant Bumble and must know where you got it! And, you made me feel better about not putting up a tree. I’m gonna give an Xmas pole a try instead! 🙂
I want to stay home and reheat tamales! Instead I’ll be driving to my parent’s place and back, so I’ll be restricted to one or two drinks.
I have three small pre-lit trees that live in the basement under garbage bags. This year I carted just one upstairs and plugged it in: done.
My Christmas this year involved buying a new kitchen blind to replace a broken on and buying a new tv to replace a dying one. Both for my longtime boyfriend. No wrapping involved. For me, I had brain surgery yesterday to remove a relatively benign but growing glioma. No wrapping there either, just staples in my scalp. So yeah nothing normal about this Christmas.
We haven’t had very many “normal” Christmases since my youngest now 28 had a mental health crisis before Christmas when he was 17. We love the heck out of our “new” traditions though that includes a blow up lawn ornament Christmas tree and ridiculous Christmas hats.
If you’re all happy thats all that counts. Enjoy your Christmas.
I absolutely love your Christmas Pole and Rory. And I think Freezer Bags taped to the mantle are an ingenious substitute for stockings. To paraphrase one of my favorite movies (Move Over Darling with Doris Day and James Garner), “Necessity is the mother of invention and you are that mother.”. ❤️
Love the new lawn monster!
Christmas was always a Big Deal in my family, and mom and I kept it going even when she was getting sicker and I was laid off… This is the 3rd Christmas without mom now and it’s really just another day for us now, no tree, no presents, nothing. Just me and my doggie. It’s not horrible, just very different.
Our Christmas is a giant skeleton dressed as The Hogfather in our loungeroom. Yours sounds awesome.
We don’t do stockings, we do pillow cases. Just a tip for next year…
they did not warn you, did they?
self-sealing stem bolts sold separately
you’ll seventeen of ’em