This is part 2 of my ghost-hunting trip to The Stanley Hotel so you should really read part one first. Or just go watch tv instead. That’s probably what I would do. (As usual, this is copied directly out of my journal so there’s no real flow and the tenses change constantly but technically that matches the theme since I once read that horror directors sometimes tilt the camera slightly so that the viewer feels uncomfortable and off-balance and I basically do the same thing except with bad grammar and dangling participles. I’m like an artist here.)
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Our adorable tour guide (Kevin) in front of the Stanley. What's really strange is that I never saw all the ghosts in this picture until after I developed it and then digitally added them myself.
Kevin took us down to the tunnels under the hotel. It was very tunnely.
I am the best writer ever.
The tunnels under the hotel are carved out of the mountain. This is the same place where the guys from Ghost Hunters heard a woman say "hello" except that I'm pretty sure that was a cat because I had a cat that used to say "mama" all the time and it sounded a lot like that. But she never said it in front of anyone else so no one ever believed me. She was like my own personal snuffalupagus.
This is also where I got my first ghostly shot which probably wasn’t actually a ghost at all but it felt close. (You can see all my anomaly shots here).
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I wanted to write “REDRUM” on my bathroom mirror with lipstick but more than that I wanted to not spend my vacation time scrubbing lipstick off a mirror later, so instead I settled for recreating the creepy twin shot from The Shining, which was made easier because the hotel plays The Shining on a loop on channel 42.
Original:
- That pillow is stuffed in there because the armoire door kept closing itself when we were watching tv, but in less of an eerie, haunted way and in more of a “is this hotel sinking?” sort of way.
My interpretation:
- This would have been a cooler picture if they sold those twin costumes in the gift shop. Instead they sell raccoon puppets. I’m not sure the logic here but they are missing out on a growth industry.
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Found a giant Stanley Hotel dollhouse prop from The Shining miniseries in the basement. Crawled inside. It’s like hiding underneath the table but way better because no one accidentally kicks you. Also you have a tiny door that you can close when you don’t want visitors. I may never leave.
Also, if you get a dead squirrel stuck in your walls you just have to lift up the house and shake the dead squirrel out so it's already better than my real house. Needs a liquor cabinet though.
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Victor and I met up with Callea Seck, Stanley Hotel’s resident ghost-hunter and twitterer and she invited us to go on an late-night Ghost Hunt at the Stanley Hotel concert hall with Karl Pfeiffer from Ghost Hunters International and a bunch of other people.
Karl and Callea. And ghost-hunting equipment. No jumping beans though.
They let me borrow an EMF detector but it never went off. Victor said it was probably because I shook it to death. Victor needs to just drop it. And to buy me some fresh jumping beans.
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Callea just explained that we’re locked into the dark concert hall until 1 am and is giving us pointers on how not to blind each other when we take photos. Callea: “When you hear the word ‘flash!’ close your eyes until the flash is over. That’s how you protect yourself”. One of my friends taught me the exact same thing in New York but I think it meant something different there.
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Callea just showed us this parabolic ear thingie that you can use to listen for extremely quiet ghosts. I totally want one for watching TV at night. Or for listening into people’s thoughts. Depends on how strong it is, I guess.
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We’re starting the ghost hunt in the women’s bathroom so we can check out “the haunted stall”. I am totally not shitting you. Callea notes that it’s probably pretty strange to be in the ladies room with a bunch of men. Clearly this woman does not know me well. She didn’t really explain what type of haunting occurred in the stall but my guess is ghost-gonorrhea on the toilet seat. Or maybe it flushes when you aren’t done peeing yet. Which actually happens to me all the damn time. Basically every automatic-flush toilet I’ve ever been on is haunted. Which might explain all the kidney infections.
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Went into “Lucy’s room” to wait for the ghost to speak to us or to shut a heavy door (as she’s known to do on rare occasions). We all sat on the floor in total darkness and had to remain quiet and the silence was so heavy that all I could think about was how funny it would be if you farted loudly because no one would know who did it and then if no one admitted to it you could be all “It was the ghost” in a completely serious way, but I totally didn’t because I respect the work of the ghost hunters and also because I didn’t have to fart.
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Callea just told us about an encounter a team of people had once had with “Lucy” when she took a liking to a male investigator who was physically touched by Lucy in an “*ahem* very friendly manner” and that it “um…made him happy, so to speak” and everyone else just sort of nodded and she kept going with her story but about 5 minutes later I was all “Hang on, I just need to clarify this…are we talking about a haunted erection?” and then Victor was all “That’s my wife, folks. Next show’s at 11” but then the temperature suddenly dropped several degrees and then the door totally shut on its own. Which actually kind of freaked me out. Then some blonde psychic chick said that Lucy was with us and she reached out her arms because she said she could feel some “hot balls” in the air. Then I just never stopped giggling again.
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Went to the room of Paul (the dead handyman) and it was creepy because all the chairs were stacked up exactly like in Poltergeist but then Victor pointed out that most of the time people stack chairs like that for storage reasons and not just to let you know that you built your house over an Indian graveyard. I’m not sure which one this was though because we turned on a spirit box and it clearly said “Paul”. It also clearly said “tomatoes”. I don’t know what that means.
Paul's room. The light is from a car passing outside.
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A bunch of mildly weird, vaguely creepy stuff happened at the ghost hunt but if you don’t believe in ghosts you don’t want to hear it so I’m skipping this part. Thanks, skeptics. You’re ruining it for everyone.
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I asked Victor to call the resident psychic to ask if she’d come do a seance in our room but she said she was booked and that we should have called earlier. Victor says if she was a real psychic she would have already known we’d be contacting her for an appointment and that this is really all her fault. It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic.
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2 am. Exhausted and going to bed. Leaving the jumping beans on the nightstand so they can wake me up if shit starts happening.
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Morning. Nothing happened. These jumping beans are totally dead. Probably murdered by Lord Dunraven. I told Victor that they should let us have the room for free since we just added an actual murder to the history of the hotel. Victor reminded me that I probably killed them myself. I reminded Victor that I was probably possessed at the time. I also told him not to look in my bag because I may have stolen all the coasters and stationary when I was possessed last night.
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Decided to check out the haunted closet again. Noticed scratch marks all over the low ceiling like someone (or something) was trying to claw their way out. Or possibly it’s from people scraping the ceiling with the iron. I’m going with the first one though because ironing stories are almost never exciting.
Also, I found a pair of cargo shorts stuffed behind the ironing board. True story. I considered that maybe they were a gift from Lord Dunraven but they were a size 3X so more likely it was just another insult. That man is a douche.
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Just took a shower and this shampoo is not lathering. At all. I’m assuming it must be haunted. Or it’s lotion. Hang on. Yeah. It’s lotion. So less “haunted” and more just me not reading labels closely enough.
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Just stepped out of the shower and noticed that the steamed-up bathroom mirror reflects into the bathroom door mirror and that someone had written “REDRUM” on the door mirror so that when it got steamy the word “MURDER” would show up in the first mirror. Awesome. I think it’s probably a sign from the premature ghost of Stephen King. Victor says it’s probably a sign that the maids don’t clean the mirrors often enough.
- This is a terrible picture because I had to take this with my phone since if I walked out to get my camera all the steam would dissipate. That’s how science works.
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Checking out of the hotel. I really, really wanted to steal my room key but I didn’t because Victor wouldn’t let me but then as we were leaving the desk clerk asked if we wanted to keep our keys as souvenirs. BEST. HOTEL. EVER.
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Stopped for lunch on the way to the airport. Victor ordered fish tacos. These tacos look like vagina.
Honestly, it's like Georgia O'Keefe made these.
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Still driving to the airport. Victor was all “Looks like someone’s about to get an ass full of lead pipe” and I was all “What the fuck?” and then he pointed to a house on the side of the road.
Well, that's...disconcerting.
And then we were home. All things considered? Best 24 hour vacation ever.
I miss it already.
PS. Wanna see more pictures? I’m uploading them today.
