I didn’t want to write this but it feels wrong not to since I share so much of my life here. This isn’t a funny or entertaining post and you have my full permission to skip it.
Yesterday Barnaby Jones died. I left him outside on his dog run when I went to pick up Hailey from daycare and when I came back he was dead. His face was swollen and it looked like he’d had a seizure but there were no puncture wounds so we suspect he had an allergic reaction from a bee or wasp sting. I hope he died quickly and painlessly and I’ll never forgive myself for not being here. Victor is out of town so I put a movie on for Hailey so she wouldn’t notice and then I carried him down to the valley on our property and I buried him and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Victor said I should have waited until he was back home so he could do it but I just needed it to be over. We debated on the phone about what to tell Hailey and finally decided to tell her the truth. We cried and slept together on the couch and every few hours she’d wake me up to ask me if it was just a bad dream. Then she cried and asked if we could go buy another pug and call him Barnaby Jones and just pretend he never died. I told her that maybe one day we could get another dog but the truth is that I can’t handle this again. I will never own another dog.
This morning we went for a walk and I reminded Hailey that Barnaby was still with us in our hearts and was probably running around in dog heaven. Then she looked up at the clouds and said quite seriously that whenever it rained it would probably be Barnaby Jones peeing. Then she yelled “MOMMY! I FELT A DROP! I THINK BARNABY JONES JUST PEED ON ME!” and she smiled for the first time since it happened. And I smiled too. And it was good.
PS. If you have a pet, please go hug them extra tight today.