I’m pretty sure I’m in a coma right now

I wish you’d come to Australia for a reading and book signing. I want my metal chicken signed.
Gary recently posted..I really work with the best people

Cannot WAIT for the book to arrive here and I totally get the perspective thing — and that’s sort of awesome that you had a few too many when you were signing — I’ll bet there were some GREAT autograph messages!
Lori Anderson recently posted..The eBook on Creative Blogging Prompts is DONE!

That’s just awesome!!

…I think my brain just broke. I have nothing intelligent to say 0o but I just fee a need to say SOMETHING (Oh, so that’s how Internet works..)

Amazing for you! Loved the book – read it in a 12 hour period that included some sleep.
Kara recently posted..Funkalicious Modern Patio Chairs

I do wish you were coming to Seattle. Congratulations on your success. Don’t forget about us little people.

I love. Steph-ef-an-enie Meyer is your fangirl. So wish I lived on the west coast, in San Fran – at least for tonight! xoxo
Ellen recently posted..The Hunger Games Trilogy: Review

I wish I was near San Francisco!! Maybe if I had a GPS that gave me landmarks, instead of street names, I could totally do a road trip!!

(I would totally buy that shit.)
Nora recently posted..Like a dude. Really??

I really REALLY want to hear what her reaction was to the wolf cosplay story. Did you tell her there were pictures to prove it?

You’re doing great – keep it up & have fun!

Oh. My. GAWD. Jenny. Stephenie Meyer flew hundreds of miles so YOU could sign HER book! I don’t even know what to say. (But I’m pretty sure YOU WIN.)
Lori recently posted..Now Open For Business!

Jenny – lap it up lovely, you deserve this. Nice to be on the ‘other side’ of awestruck as well (both you and Stephenie).

LCM x

Congratulations!

When fangirl worlds collide…..

I’ll be there tonight in SF! Me and baby Beyonce are so excited…see you in a few.

Damn, she does have pretty hair.

Holy crap!!!!
That’s so cool. And adorable. And wow she is not someone I’d pass on the street and think “I bet she writes about werewolf sex”.
Dangerous Lilly recently posted..A Phthalates Experiment (or: I touched a slimy dildo on purpose)

No Denver? Please come to Denver. We have books, metal chickens, and Xanax.

THAT IS THE SCARIEST EPISODE OF PUNKY BREWSTER EVER! To this day all the empty refrigerators in Lowe’s or Sear’s or wherever freak me the fuck out.
Alexis recently posted..Meet Penny Lane

EEE! I’m totally in the background of the last picture with Stephanie Meyer! (I’m the one with the yellow flower in my hair) This makes me famous now, right? I had no idea who that woman was, but now I understand why you guys were talking so long. I’m not a fan of her books, but I do think it’s cool that she flew out to support you!

This is the one instance where you could be THE BEST spokeswoman for adult diapers. Because everyone seeing this scenario would go, “yeah, I’d wet myself too.” Congratulations!
anne nahm recently posted..Title Schmitle.

That is amazing that she flew out just to see you! You are a rock star!! I just got my book today and I am so excited. But I have a silly question. What page should I stick my book plate on? I mean, I hope you will be coming to Boston and therefore can get my book signed by you but what if the page you are signing is the page I have the bookplate on? One page – two signatures?!? Maybe I should have some of that Xanax.

Like Aby said, don’t be shocked! You are awesome, as is your writing. Still kicking myself that I couldn’t get a sitter. (Though, that is a good lesson to learn – I’m pretty sure you’re going to run into some really odd names on this tour)
Whitney recently posted..Six Days Left In Our Kickstarter Campaign

That is awesome Soliel Moon Frye and Stephenie Meyer, not to mention selling out 1/2 way through. I will need to get to your MD signing early.
Corey Feldman recently posted..Egret and the Thunderstorm

You are a Hero.

You’ll be only a few miles from my house tonight! I wish I could make it but it’s my daughter’s opening night and so….I know really hard choice….I’m almost about to ditch her….. But I ordered 3 copies of your book to be signed and I will pick them up tomorrow. Enjoy Marin!
Jennie Jackson recently posted..Shrine in Crestone by Lori

Ohhh, please come to Fairbanks, AK. Please. That’s Alaska, btw, not Arkansas…

e

Please tell me your book is coming out in the UK. Im in England for work, and I REALLY want a copy. (To be fair if I werent in England for work I’d be in Australia, which has an equal chance of having the book I’d assume)

You are having fun.
Yup.
(Stating the obvious, my gift, for all you all.)

I love when a normal person gets to have famous person experiences. So very cool, what you’re going through right now. And this reminds me, where is my damned book??? Going to track it right now…..
Yay you!!!

Please tell me you asked her WHY? Why in dear god’s name Why did she inflict Twilight on us? Maybe that would have been rude. I think you could have pulled it off. Congrats on the tour! Ice your hand.
Kelly O’Sullivan recently posted..See the Beauty of the Unembellished Dandelion

Chicago, please!

She does have pretty hair. So do you. I’m going to fondle my e-book now and see if that makes my hair shinier. Oh, and you rock.
Cindy Reed recently posted..The Mommy Wars Hunger Games.

I would fly from the UK for one of your signings!
I actually have a proof copy of your book being sent to me at work from your lovely UK publishers ahead of the release so I can FANGIRL at people on release day (Don’t worry I’m going to buy a finished copy too….and shove it in every single family members face. I have A LOT of aunts and uncles.)

That’s so fucking awesome you dressed as a werewolf. Her books were way better than the movies.
I wish you had told her that.
She looks very…sweet. But I bet deep down she’s sorta naughty. Just like all of us.
Her Ace in the Hole recently posted..fail

I have the same fear of refrigerators. THANKS PUNKY & CHERIE.

OMG, I’m flipping out in spirit with you…<3 that Punky Brewster! To this day, when they discuss the Challenger disaster, I think back to that episode where Punky wanted to be an astronaut. Truly awesome.
The Pear Lady recently posted..The Wisdom of Mary Poppins

Clearly she was in awe of you.

WG
WilyGuy recently posted..Bad Service Tipping?

God if only the drive from Wisconsin to San Francisco weren’t so far, I’d be there. But you know rush hour and all… Punky Brewster and Stephenie Meyer in one night? That is just too much.
Jen E @ mommablogsalot recently posted..Someone tell her to stop growing already!

Jaw-dropper! You know you are successful when bestseller-authors show up to get a book signed by you. I think that’s pretty much a criteria of success. Also, I may be a little drunk and I am not sure if I have spelled anything correctly.
Nat recently posted..Eureka!

Got my copy the other day. Half way through it and have already drawn concerned looks from people in the park – either my laughing uncontrollably or dabbing my eyes to keep the tears from dripping down my face. You are WAY too awesome…for an Amazon.

You got to meet Punky Brewster! That beats my seeing the actress who played Nelly Olsen in Little House in Paris doing a reading of her book last year. Why aren’t you coming to Atlanta?
Gina recently posted..Carl: How do I love thee?

And to think i only drove across the city to see you… I better step it up

It was a joy listening to you read, and I cant wait to tear into that book this weekend! You are an inspiration!

My book is due for delivery on Tuesday, just in time for you to be here in Houston! *doing the happy dance*

I wish you’d come to Chicago!! (Hint: You should totally come to Chicago)

This is the most incredible thing I’ve ever done vicariously through someone else. I’m overwhelmed and may need to sit down and take a Xanax.
tamaratattles recently posted..Thoughts on Last Nights RHOA Reunion & Answers to Your Questions

that is so badass. look how stoked she is to meet you!
Simone recently posted..Oh, this happened

I think you are going to have to simply accept your success, because you are obviously totally the shit. I mean, real people are totally paying attention to you and everything. We’re all on to you dearie.

I can’t quite wrap my head around this whole “Stephanie Meyer” thing. Huh. If you’re in a coma, then so am I. And if we’re both in comas, then WHO WAS PHONE?

I hate to be the one to say it, but you also misspelled Punky Brewster’s name:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soleil_Moon_Frye

I blame the French for changing the rule to “i before e except in the names of 80s TV stars”.
Charles Kuffner recently posted..Friday random ten: Name that tune

Beyonce would totally kick Renesemee’s ass. Just saying.

Thank you SO MUCH for adding Coral Gables to your tour list!! I was so bummed I wouldn’t get to meet you, and now you’re only an hour and a half away. Bring on May 4th!! !!!

Yours was one of the featured books in the email I got from Barnes and Noble this morning!!!!

You are now even more famous than you were the day before! Seriously wishing that I had the money to fly all the way out there, or even just to make it to Dallas. No one ever come to Arkansas. I know we have book stores here, but I don’t think anyone goes to them. I don’t I buy from Amazon and download to my kindle.

(LOSER)
Sweety Darlin recently posted..Sex, Drugs, and Parenting! WTF!

That is literally the only scene I remember from Punky Brewster! SCARRED FOR LIFE!

If you come to Minnesota I will 100% be there. Also. That is SO awesome that she flew out to your reading!
Marta recently posted..Nerves.

Your book came! Your book came! Your book came!

(wait, that sounds dirty…)

I don’t care. It’s here! I’m reading it! Bye!

Thank you for the best laughs I’ve had in a year. Jenny, your book is wonderful and I am recommending it to everyone I meet.

Wow. If you’re in a coma right now, then I’m obviously part of your coma dream (which might explain some things). But I don’t think you are – and Stephenie Meyer actually happened. How cool is that?
Veronica recently posted..Let’s talk about body love and obsession

Remember when we all ate cheese balls to make our boobs grow because that’s what Margot did?
Erica B recently posted..and now we have Summer?!

Cant wait till Dallas! It’s going to be awesome!!!!!!! Can’t decide what to bring for you to sign since I got the ebook.

That Punky Brewster episode is the only one I can actually remember. Terrifying! How will today’s youth ever know the dangers of fridge suffocation without Punky?

Please come to Las Vegas or Omaha Nebraska. Either one is good for me. I live in both cities

Did you at least ask to be in Ms Meyer’s next book? A werewolf cosplaying taxidermist with a profound fear of fridges would add a note of realism to the novels.

I am sooooo happy for you, Jenny! You deserve all this and more.
Kyla recently posted..MRI today!

I was seriously making plans to pack up the Children and drive from Arizona to San Fran and meet the hell out of you, but Life was all “fuck you and your plans” and it didn’t work out. But then Life made up for it by delivering your book to me a WHOLE DAY EARLY (thanks, Life!), so now I’m gonna do the NEXT BEST THING: turn on cartoons and leave out a loaf of bread and some butter for the Children, rip open a sideways bag of chow for the Cats, and lock myself in my room and read the shit out of your book. Don’t know how to take care of Boyfriend though. Maybe every time he knocks on the door, I’ll start violently sobbing and say the word “uterus” or “I want a baby” so he’ll leave me alone. Weekend plans = SET.
banana stickers recently posted..“Seriously, I think you’d love being an embalmer”

Ohmyhell please PLEASE come to Minneapolis. Or St. Paul. Or even Rochester MN–that’s a couple hours south but the Mayo Clinic is there and I’m sure those people have a shitload of Xanax. Please?

Yay Jenny! What a fabulous night. Thanks for bringing us all along for the ride. Now, if you’ll accept my sincere congratulations, I gotta run. My book arrived today & after the ceremonial placing of my bookplate (squee!), I’ve got some reading to do!

Better stuck in a fridge than a dead deer…apparently that happens to people

You get to meet ALL the cool people! Super jealous of Punky Brewster, I dressed up as her one Halloween AND I also was scarred by that episode, but for me it was more along the lines of don’t play in fridges AND PAY ATTENTION TO CPR LESSONS!
Rebecca recently posted..Celebrating the Month of the Military Child!

And why wouldn’t she fly hundreds of miles to get her book signed by you? Your book was fantastic! It was all I could do not to tweet comments to you as I read. For example, when sick growing up, we usually used a pan (the handle is very convenient) so I completely understand the vomit bowl. And next time you decide to get rid of the ghosts/evil spirits haunting your house, you can boil the sage and wander around wafting the steam about instead of lighting the sage on fire. It’s supposed to be almost as effective and it won’t set off the smoke alarm or irritate asthmatics. The zombie apocalypse is not something to be taken lightly.

Enjoy your fame. You deserve it because as I said before, your book was fantastic!

Happy your tour is going so well And her name is spelled a little oddly. Totally not your fault. Besides, drunk is the best way to handle situations like that. I was a little tipsy at my wedding, and a little bit drunk at my kid’s preschool art auction the other night. I am just glad that I didn’t pay $300 for a shelf decorated by 4 year olds…
Heidi recently posted..physical assessment…

You are fabulous. I haven’t been reading you for very long but definitely already a big fan. And it looks like SM was all giddy to meet you which totally rocks.

Well this just keeps getting better and better!!! I’m so thrilled for you! Why you no come to Seattle. I can talk to some people about turning the rain off while you’re here if that helps. Just kidding. I don’t know any people. But really…..Seattle? Hmmm?
Heather aka Sugar Free recently posted..Nothing New….Yet

Just so you know, I stayed up way too late reading your book last night and I was tired and super bitchy at work today. So bitchy, in fact, that my boss fed me alcoholic beverages (and everyone else, too) to make the super bitchy friday into a super awesome friday. True story. I can’t wait to stay up way too late tonight to finish the book.

All is right with the world.
I’m reading for my phd general exams right now, which means I have to ration any reading that’s not on my lists–but your book is my before going to sleep book right now. Last night I laughed so hard I actually sobbed a bit–and my husband almost didn’t recognize me, reading a book without a frown on my face.
Monica recently posted..Alice Walker–The Color Purple (1982)

Ack! I remember that Punky Brewster episode! I was her biggest fan, with a puffy purple and rainbowy jacket that I wore to bed. Sigh.

What fun! You should somehow try to capture the wonderful excitement and elation of this special time in a little bottle and cork it up. Then the next time the nasty depression lies take hold, just open your bottle and sprinkle lavishly!

Wishing you all the best for the rest of your tour!
Super Earthling recently posted..Screaming Saltlick Eyeball

You’re totally more awesome than Stephenie (however the fuck you spell her name) Meyer. She SHOULD be your fangirl.
Congratulations on all that is happening for you! You deserve it!
See you in Austin!

You + Portland (home of Powell’s, Portlandia , pGrimm and did I mention POWELL’S??) = not happening on this tour?

And you have the gall to ask us to come to *San Franfriggincisco*??

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.

I was there. You walked right by me in line. Mentally I had a battle with myself.

“OH MY GOD IT’S JENNY! Oh my god she is about to walk by me right now! What do I do? Do I smile and wave? Oh shit she looked away from me. Do I try to say something funny? WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T THINK I’M FUNNY! Oh god, you’re never funny when you’re put on the spot! She’s going to think you’re stupid! HIDE! HIDE YOUR STUPID FACE!”

So I tried to hide behind the book I was holding but I was unable to take my eyes off you so instead I went full on creeper mode where half my face was hidden but my eyes were wide and staring STRAIGHT AT YOU right above the top of the book. Then I kicked myself for being creepy until I got bored enough in line to wander away and wonder why there was a kitchen in a theater? But! Then I remembered they might serve alcohol which made sense because they sure had a lot of cabinet space. I bet there was a lot of liquor down there but I thought it would be inappropriate to look so I just danced in place until it was our turn.

I wanted you to sign my pillbox but the lady said I would have to ask YOU and that created a swarm of anxiety (I can’t ask you to do a thing! You’re awesome). So I just pulled up a picture of twine on my phone and surreptitiously (per your recommendation) added it to the picture because you are cooler than Nathan Fillion. THAT’S RIGHT. I said it.

Thanks! It was awesome.

-E
Emily recently posted..Statistical Studies Show…

OMG… Thank the Gods you like Twilight. If that were me, I would have monologued about how vampires don’t sparkle and how Kristen Stewart has made a career out of teenage awkwardness. But, I’m an asshole like that.

Selling out of books is the motherfucking bomb diggity!! Congrats!!!
Valerie recently posted..Travels in Kenny’s Shorts

OMG, I totally have that Punky-Brewster-refrigerator-hide-and-seek thing, too. My kids think I’m nuts, but they just don’t know how diabolical refrigerators can be. Just sayin’.

I need you to come to North Carolina and sign my Kindle. Your’s was the first book I bought for it. I may have even been reading it at work today. Did you realize that having an e-reader makes it ridiculously easy to read at work without getting caught? They need to use that as part of their advertising.

Loved you last night! You were great and I was surprised to hear you were nervous at all! And OMG Stephenie was there? That’s awesome! Also thank you for bringing a great group of women together. I met so many amazing people!
Trina recently posted..Crazy TTC moment of the week

See? I fail to understand why you think no one will show up. You’re awesome. You’re so awesome that the creator of Twilight (even though I dislike teen fiction) came to see you.

You, ma’am, are a big deal. And we love you.

That is SOOOO cool!!!! What did she say about the WolfBlitzer? I bet you she reads your blog. I bet you Nathan Fillion is just WAITING to come to your reading and he’ll bring twine. That would be epic. PLEASE tell us if he does.
Lesley recently posted..I Burnt Myself and Then Epic Things Happened…Hunger Games Epic

So hubby brings in the mail today and says, “Your crazy lady book is here.” Awesome! And yes, that is how I refer to you…as “the crazy lady”. He immediately understands who I’m talking about…he’s really bad with names.

Like Sarah from comment 39, I wondered where I’m supposed to put my bookplate on the inside front cover, the endsheet or one of the inside blank pages. I’d rather have you sign my book in person, but alas, driving across the Dallas-Ft. Worth metroplex is more than my anxiety level can take. So close and yet so far…

And I’m really hoping that Hollie in Arlington got her bookplate that I mailed her so she can be just as happy as I am. I now have plans for the rest of the afternoon. Good thing it’s pizza night!

I think you need to come to Denver. Or Estes Park (do a signing at the Stanley Hotel!). or anywhere within a 3 hour drive.

I’m actually hyperventilating right now just imagining your nervous/excited/OCD fears/amazement of fame running into reality running into imagining worst-case-scenarios…well, you get the picture. Wowzer.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Congrats. Great hearing you read in LA.

I wish I could come!! I seriously considered blowing off my daughter’s school concert and heading over there and bringing you lots of the wine we make. I will have to console myself with my bookplate, which arrived the other day (THANK YOU). Hope the tour is going well, and OMG, Stephenie Meyer!! (I totally had to go look up how to spell her name to write that. I’m still not sure it’s right but I’m not going back to check again.)

I was totally planning on coming to San Francisco but STUPID HOMEWORK GOT IN THE WAY! If anything less than my entire grade was at stake, I would be there in a heartbeat.
Angela recently posted..A Quick Aside

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease add some dates to your book tour and come to Fargo, ND. We’ve got a woodchipper (http://www.fargomoorhead.org/things-details.html?id=650 you know … from that movie … ). How can you live your life and not get your pic taken with the woodchipper? LOL

P.S. I just got your book in the mail today. Can’t wait to dive in.
Becky recently posted..Overwhelmed

Okay, okay, I cannot take it anymore – you MUST come to Chicago!!! I need my book signed!

I can’t even tell you how happy I am for you. I accidentally shipped your book to my parents house, so I haven’t been able to get my mitts on it yet, but I am so excited to read it!

I wish I could have my ativan bottle signed…

I totally have the SAME fear of refrigerators for the SAME reason. Now, if I could only figure out where the fear of accidentally cutting off my hair when I pick up scissors originated…I may be set…for observation, maybe.

Now…off to read the book I’ve been eagerly awaiting. If you angle the cover just right…Hamlet von Schnitzel looks like he is going to jump right off the cover. I wish he would. How awesome would that be?

After all the trouble you went to with Wolfblitzer, Stephanie Meyer could at least have dressed as a taxidermied mouse or giant metal chicken for your reading.
renee recently posted..Imaginary Sibling

WHAT THE I DON’T EVEN!

You totally deserve to be fangirled on by Stephenie Meyer but I still think I would have fainted. And honestly I’d already been fantasizing that if I paste a copy of my twitter icon on myself you might recognize me but now I’m going to have to compete with famous people swarming you, I mean geez! I give up!

Also, that fridge episode of Punky Brewster was the ONLY episode I ever saw, because I accidentally ran into THAT ONE both times and was so freaked out I never tried to watch it again. So that’s what I think of every time I see anything about SMF. Which is unfortunate because back when we (SMF and I) were little things, people would tell me I looked like her. Not so much now that I’ve ballooned and she is all twiggy.
Della recently posted..Adelas: Zorro Kills Thief in Lecture Prank (with Mariachi Band), University of M…: http://t.co/wOo8pTAW via @youtube

My book arrived today and this is the first time I’ve put it down! Awesome, awesome, awesome!! The only way my day could possibly get any better is if I had access to a TARDIS so I could get to San Francisco . . . .
Stephanie recently posted..In the ring with Marie Barone

Holy Spell Check, fan girl! I would so do something like that. And then do it to every person after that in a name spelling disaster. Still, bright side is that now both you and Stephanie Meyer can talk about how you mis-spelled her name. Its a great dinner party story. or blog story. either/or.

OMG, I am also afraid of refrigerators because of that episode. I am afraid I will somehow not be able to control myself and climb inside and be trapped.

You have reawakened my fear of refrigerators! I got stuck in one as a little kid… It aw only for a minute or two but felt like forever! I also can’t look at a cedar chest or trunk without remembering an episode of the Walton’s where a little girl gets trapped in one. It was more stressful than the fridge! Love your blog!

Any time the subject of Punky Brewster comes up, I always, always think of Cherie stuck in that fridge. My neighbors had a fridge outside and I was always worried one of us kids would end up in it during a game of hide and seek.

I’m so glad your signings/readings are going so great!
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Five Minute Movies 3: The Return of Five Minute Movies

I’m so glad I got to hug you out on the street. Sorry if it was alarming to have a random woman grab you and hug you, but I couldn’t stop myself.

That was Stephenie Meyer? I KNEW I shouldn’t have put my feet up on the back of her seat!
Suebob recently posted..The Mother Lion

So glad you sold out of books! That is awesome. Totally loving the book-tour blog posts. Makes me feel like I’m a groupie following you around with my own Xanax bottle for you to sign.
Nikki Mohamed recently posted..What Gets Rid of That ‘Dead Animal’ Smell?

Hey, that’s my fiancée, hat, and person that came with us in the background. We’re totes famous now.

Fantastic fun at the reading .
Matt R. recently posted..MXMO: TIKI

Friggity-frack–Stephenie was there?! How did I not notice her?!?! I’m a horrible fan girl! :p

Thanks again for a great night. You are a genius, and a very courageous person.

ps, what’s all the non-love for your east coast fans? Next tour – put Raleigh, NC on your list. We love you here!

That is one of my favoritest episodes! Also, congrats on the book!

Yeah! I’m so happy that you look like you are enjoying yourself on this tour. Having nearly finished your book, I know that it must be both thrilling (in a good way) and frightening (in a bad way).

Just an FYI, I’ve been channeling your speech/writing patterns for my most recent Facebook status posts, as well as talking up your book. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Thank you!

No way! I so often refer to that very-special-episode of Punky where Cherie gets stuck in the fridge playing hide and seek and everyone thinks I’m crazy. I use it as a cautionary tale. I also use the episode of Lassie where they replace the old ice box with a new fridge and Lassie gets mad, but eventually warms to the new appliance with the aide of the ice delivery man who helps to show him that everything will be OK. I use it to condescendingly teach people about acceptance and change and it makes me crack up inside every. damn. time.

You are totally stunning in the first picture. Plus, red shoes are awesome!

Wow! That is awesome. Well, you deserve it girl!

I came to see you in your coma. They say you are looking really good. Left you some balloons. You can thank me later, obviously.
Lisa Galaviz recently posted..How to Survive Severe Weather

I wish you would come to our tiny little bookstore in Rapid City SD!
Melissa Lawler recently posted..New Blogger Op!

OMG! Kelly O’Sullivan left a comment on your blog! That’s way cooler than the TWILIGHT lady!

I think you should come to Minnesota. We’re not really the Land of 10,000 Lakes….we’re the Land of 10,000 Passive Aggressive People Playing Nice. You would so write about a night on the tundra. I promise.

Please come to MN!
Sj recently posted.."There’s no satisfaction for a man, unless….."

SO cool! I keep telling you that you’re amazing! ) I wish I had actually looked at the schedule for your signings and such. I would have made the trek to NYC to meet you!!! Damn this busy life of mine.
Devon recently posted..Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart

Wow that could not have been any more awesome.
alaina recently posted..UnHallmark Cards.

I am Amazonian too; relish it. Heads turn at the sight of a tall woman with big tits and swinging hips. You are gorgeous and how exciting to read all these great adventures!! Zon on!

I’m less than 2 hours from you right now and I have to woooooooooooooooooooork!

boooo!

I’d totally skip my crappy job for a couple of days to have my book signed, but you’re not coming to oklahoma, and I can’t see well enough to drive to Texas (or across town, honestly) Have fun! (Oh, how did Stephenie take the Wolf Blitzer story?)

Holy shit! Really? I have never commented before, but I think this is the occasion to pop my commenting on the blog of The Blogess cherry, and say “Holy shit! Stephenie Meyer??”

p.s. I intentionally spelled bloggess wrong above to make you feel better.

I also understand that you have quite a following in North Carolina. In fact, there are quite lot of people in the hospital I where I spend my days that recognize my Beyonce stick puppet for who she is.

Raleigh is quite pretty this time of year.
Jules recently posted..Another Day in the Life

Ahhh! So amazing! You are living a dream (minus the coma part)
Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) recently posted..Disney Fashion {Resort Wear}

Squee!

DUDE!! Add Michigan to your next tour! srsly some of us live EAST of you.
JayBee recently posted..Pick Up Fruit & Veggies

I absolutely love the area near San Francisco and would have loved to meet you in person. You should get your publisher to swing Vegas for you. Lots of people love you hear and there’s free booze. Personally I don’t know how people do book tours without it.
Sayuri Black recently posted..I Might Be A Super Nerd or Super Fan

come to Pennsylvania! Come to Pittsburgh (or Erie) Pennsylvania!
Cheryl Whipple Mumford recently posted..Manic Monday

I wish you’d come to Altoona. Your assured mockery of this place my husband and I live in would make living in it so much more worthwhile.
Maria recently posted..The Burp from Dinners Past

No freaking way! I never even thought that anyone else had even SEEN that episode of Punky Brewster better yet had the same fear because of it (well, technically I’m afraid of walk in freezers) but totally the same thing! I try telling people that that is where I got my fear from and they look at me like they’ve never even heard of Punky Brewster.

Preordered the book for my daughter Blythe and she will be at the Corte Madera event 9wish I were).
Daddio recently posted..gosner: Friday Picks from @thecityfix: Earth Day, Latin America Best Practices, Ahmedabad’s BRT Safety | @eschlaik http://t.co/mFz2kH05

FYI I am getting my Ph.D. in clinical psychology and I am absolutely sure that I could modify behavioral therapy to address your fear of refrigerators. It would be totally ridiculous, which is my favorite kind of therapy to do. I’m not sure it would beat licking public water fountains or yelling “penis” and “vagina” at ever-increasing volumes in random public places (both of which I have also done. as therapy. maybe also for fun. maybe.) but it definitely has entertainment potential.

Also I started reading your book last night and laughed so hard I cried at the picture of the raccoon in his little jammies.

Got there late tonight ( dang baby shower) and thrilled that it was packed. I didn’t stay to get my books (yes, hat’ plural) because it would take a longtime, and I will totally regret it later.

Nice job, congrats!

Um, holy shit.
(Wish you were coming to Seattle)
TriGirl recently posted..Blogging, Tommie Copper & BRD Sport Helped Save My (Running) Life

Sit was fun to see you tonight! You have a particular fan base and all I can say to future book signer attendees – no more chickens! There were way too many chickens there. And Jenny, I think you are actually on the petite side, seriously. You are a doll. Thanks for touring!

I sooo wanted to see you, but had to take Grandma to the doc’s! Hope it went well and can’t wait to read the book!!!!!! (With a glass of Syrah)

Jenny,

THANK YOU for letting me know that I’m not the only person who grew up with a weird childhood. We played near beehives and carried squirrel carcasses during hunting trips. Reading your book is like meeting a long lost member of my family. (Not really – you are actually quite sane compared to some of my relatives).

Thank you for traveling and doing the book signings. I know it must be hard. And it makes me appreciate you even more!
Jennifer recently posted..Florentine update

Holy crap! You, the Twilight author AND punky brewster?!? Wow that’s like 3 of the coolest people ever in the same vicinity. I’m glad I didn’t go to that book signing or I would have been so giggly I wouldn’t have even been functional.

Though I do have to say, when I get into that mode (I did that with adam baldwin) my hubby is really good at getting my focused and usually getting a picture since I just stand there laughing with a camera… in a totally geeky and not completely creepy kind of way.

Jenny, thanks so much for your reading and graciousness tonight.You were awesome – well paced, funny, and not noticeably nervous at all.

It was my first book signing, and I then drove home (East) 70 miles afterwards. It was fun! Sorry about not bringing the wine slushie for you. As I mentioned, the CHP would have been all over me, and then I would have missed the reading, and the questions.

Best of luck on the rest of the tour!

You are such a beacon of positive energy….I am totally living vicariously through you right now! This whole thing is so exciting.

I just got your book today…and love love love!!! I want to stay up all night reading it. But I will stop and get a few hours sleep….maybe.

Cheers! You totally rock my world! (Yes…I know this comment is wayyy too freakin’ obsessive fan~girl~ ish. But, fuck it! It is what it is. And you help me get through my day….so there!) Love you!
DogsDontPurr recently posted..Germs

I’m totally going to get you to sign my boobie. *Ack cough* I mean book. I totally meant book. Unless you’d be OK with signing a boobie.

Even though I can’t come to any of the readings this time I am so fucking happy for you.
Asha Sanaker recently posted..And Now We Are Forty

If Stephenie Meyer is specifically flying in to see your reading and get your book signed, I think you can safely say that you have “arrived.” Mazel Tov!!!
Emily Guy Birken recently posted..The Matriarch Kerfuffle

Did you point out that you misspelled her name or did she? Cuz of it was her that would be kinda embarrassing but if it was you that would be kinda stupid…totally could have hot away with it.

Come to Denver & I am there!

Oh my god, how freaking awesome is that? I don’t even like the Twilight saga and I’m all tingly-excited for you! I wish you were coming to the UK because I don’t live in the US anymore, so how will I ever get you to sign my taxidermied bee collection? P.S. I’m buying the book on kindle today, although I will probably buy the actual book just to look at and so that when people come over and see it, I’ll know exactly where we stand as friends.

Got your book last night, read it through before I went to bed. Laughed a bunch. Had very strange dreams…..

Your inappropriate dinner party story syndrome would seem to me to open up a whole new career – I, personally, would pay you to go to my 37th high school reunion with me and tell some of them. Reunions need someone like you to take the starch out of them.

I think you are a success as a writer, so it’s not likely that you would start a high school reunion escort business. However, it’s out there, in case you ever get writer’s block.
Amy recently posted..Vignettes of a Tropical Storm

So that is now my favorite photo ever, because it keeps my dream alive that some day my ADHD meeds will kick in to the point that I can concentrate long enough to finish my book, and I will be doing a signing in Texas, and Jenny Lawson will be there to get my book, and I will die happy. Or wake up choking on my feeding tube. Either/Or. But, bonus, I’ll be svelte thanks to the awesome coma diet.

I am so sad that I wont be able to get to your book signing when you are here in FL… I am way north in Jacksonville…you are of course welcome to stop (even just to sign my new book)

Anyway…

I got my book yesterday and have giggled all the way through page 77… LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
Stacey Whitel recently posted..Death of a Valley Girl

Love (or maybe not?!) the fact that you still have the fear of refrigerators. I watched Punky for years, but that is seriously the only episode I can actually remember well. We have a big walk-in refrigerator at work, and it terrifies me every single time I have to go in it (which is as not often as possible). A very scary, and still all too real seeming, lesson.
myra recently posted..Dissertation Diary: Week Fifteen

Holy $H!T! I have almost peed myself a dozen times reading this damn book. It is the funniest thing I have ever read and so scarily familiar! I grew up in the south, a year in TX and yeah, it’s kinda like that! And then, I totally had this conversation with my husband and am totally blaming it on you:

Him: I don’t think we should grow the vining plants on the garden fences this year because the deer eat too much of them.

Me: They only occasionally eat some of the outside of the plants. It’s not the end of the world. And anyway, it is the most practical way to grow those darn beans.

Him: We can just get some trellises to put inside and put up a bigger fence.

Me: That costs too much. I read in a book recently that you can scare off pesky animals with urine. We could just pee on the plants.

Him: So, that’s your solution. We are going to PEE. On our food.

At which point I was lost because, yeah, that didn’t sound as good when he put it that way. I hold you dear Jenny, accountable for this one. I was still giggling an hour later when I got done with the dentist…..and who comes out from their dentist appt. giggling because they thought to pee on their vegetables. I do.

You are completely awesome. And I am so glad I stumbled across you and your gigantic chicken one day because it has totally improved the quality of my time home with my kids….You rock. Thanks for being you!

We should play 6 degrees of seperation now with authors and see who you are now connected to. Stephenie Meyer traveled to get your book signed by you, what author fly to get their her book signed by her? that would be an interesting game. Aren’t you a fancy pants.

BTW, no matter what “adults” tell you prescription drugs and alcohol DO mix.
The Extrovert recently posted..Wait, I CAN drink at work but only if HR provides the containers? Does my mouth count?

Amazing! Totally wish you were book signing in the UK. Can;t wait for the release over here!
TheDHW recently posted..Just because it’s Friday….

How cool is that??? Yay for you! Still waiting for the NC announced stop.
Karen Sanders recently posted..Letters of All Kinds

Oh how I WISH I could come! It would be amazing – I am really regretting being such a boring stay-at-home British person now… Hope you’re having a fabulous time, and are feeling all the love m’dear! J x

So I am in Paris this morning with a Friend/Co-worker detouring on our way home from a meeting and I am looking for your book over here because I can’t wait until I get home to read it even though I preordered months ago. So to hold me over, I have been reading to her post of yours each night making her a fan. On the way to Notre Dame this morning we pass a nursery and they have yard ornaments and a brass chicken door knocker. I have purchased him and named him Paris and am taking pictures of him all over. And after explaining and reading to my friend she is now saying “Knock-Knock MotherFucker” everytime she gets excited. She found out on this trip that she is expecting and we are excited to get home so she can tell her husband. As we sit in the Amsterdam airport tired and delirious she just told me that she believes the words she will use to tell him are, “knocked-up MotherFucker.” Paris the parian Chicken Strikes!!

I don’t like Twilight, but Stephenie Meyer (it’s an “E” there? How weird!) coming for an autograph=all kinds of win.
I want the book. I want is SO bad, but I stay in India and the exchange rate makes me cry. Would have to wait a bit
Enjoy the madness, Jenny. Absolutely, furiously happy for you!

It’s taking me a lot longer to read this than I expected.

Mostly because I’ve laughed myself into half a dozen asthma attacks already and I’m only on page 89.

Holy fuck balls, Batman – you’ve made it.

The next time you see Stephanie Meyer, please ask her to create a line of wigs to rival Raquel Welch’s stuff. My mom would sooo wear that. Also, I would’ve gone to your book signing in LA and have you sign my didgeridoo, but apparently, you just can’t get on an airplane without a ticket – they call security on your ass (just in case you were wondering).
dumb{squared} recently posted..You give love a bad name (and you’ve got cooties)

Wow. Wow wow wow. That is so freaking cool and yes, her hair is totally amazing. But then, so are you!
Rebeccah recently posted..I’m A Nosy Neighbor. But It’s Cool.

So…I got your book yesterday and wanted to immediately start reading it. It’s beautiful, so I sat down outside on my patio. I wasn’t even through the introduction before I was laughing so hard I sounded like a lunatic. I went inside and continued to read on the couch, where I was promptly told by my boyfriend that if I was going to laugh that hard for that long, I am no longer allowed to read your book inside! This is definitely a “read it while you are alone” type of book, and so far I’ve loved every minute of it! PS – I had special little laugh when you talked about your dad killing mother animals on accident and then bringing home the babies to raise. I have an older brother who used to do the same thing (which is how we ended up with two squirrels and one raccoon living in our house). Good times!
Rachel recently posted..The People of Walmart

YAY YOU! again…Washington, D.C. NEEDS to be a stop on your tour…you have heard of it – our Nation’s Capital??? Pleeeeze come here!!!

Well done! So happy for you.

Wait she’s coming to MD? When and where? How did I miss that?

I just finished reading your book, and I loved it very, very much. I didn’t want it to end! If you’re really going to write a second one, then I can’t wait (but, you know, take your time. You can’t rush these things). If you’re not actually going to do that, it’s perfectly ok. I will happily re-read this one for the rest of my life. It is truly a prized possession, and will be placed between my happy unicorn snow-globe and my sad gargoyle snow-globe – EXACTLY WHERE IT SHOULD BE.

Also, thank you for writing. You have a voice that needs to be heard, whether you’re talking about the impending zombie apocalypse or the importance of recognizing depression and anxiety for the passive-aggressive asshole it is. They are. Whichever.

Thank you (again),
Rebecca R.

P.S. If I end up actually doing something with my life, it will be in a large part because of you and what you write. So, thank you. Again again.

Dear Jenny (AKA Bloggess),

I just got quite possibly the best birthday present ever. It was your book. My birthday isn’t for another three weeks, but my husband picked it up for me at the store on the first day it came out (mainly because he knew if he waited any longer I would buy it for myself!) I have started reading it, and I am already enchanted with the way you describe everything so vividly. I love that you make no apologies for your sense of humor, you are yourself and no one else!

So I’m sure you get this all the time, especially since your book has come out, but I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how wonderful you are. Your blog has added so much to my life, and in a way it helped save me. (Dear god, that sounds so cheesy and fake, but its the truth.)

I began reading your blog when a friend told me about your Christmas miracle. I stayed for the pictures of dresses with giant vaginas sewn on them, the stuffed critters, the awesomely creepy dollhouse, the travelling red dress and the harassment of poor Victor (it reminds me of how I harass my own husband). In a way, I am glad that it took me so long to find my way over to your corner of the web. I am in law school right now, and some days are like my worst nightmare; you know the one where you get called on to answer a question that sounds like ancient Greek and the only answer you can come up with is something stupid like “property law is about property”?

On those days, after I have felt my soul being crushed under the heel of academia, I come here. (I was coming here during class, but there have been a few occassions where I have been reading the blog and ended up biting my fist and snorting in laughter while the class was discussing something serious like genocide. Apparently it isn’t appropriate.) Your blog has become my safe haven, where I can escape the hard realities and crack a smile. And since it took me so long to find this manna from heaven, I had plenty of archived posts to go through.

It was when I was going through the archives that I came across your posts about depression and anxiety. I read them and recognized something within myself that I didn’t want to acknowledge. Until I read your description of “being in the hole” I couldn’t put a name to how I felt. All I knew was that I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t feel anything. Being in the hole was the best description I had heard. I have struggled with my depression and anxiety, mainly because I felt that asking for help was a shortcoming. My husband and family were so supportive, but I felt ashamed. It wasn’t shame that I couldn’t tough it out, I felt ashamed that as much as my friends and family loved me, I felt nothing in return. It was only when my husband asked if I still loved him that I knew the depression couldn’t continue. My answer to him was one hundred percent honest; the answer was I’m not sure. I couldn’t feel anything, so how could I know if I was in love with him anymore? I remembered how I had felt when we had started dating, when we got married, but now I couldn’t feel. It scared me that I no longer knew my self or what I wanted. I was scared that I had become a zombie, moving throughout life with a dull glaze over my eyes.

Fast forward six months later and I am on meds and slowly but surely seeing a therapist. I still haven’t gotten the balance perfect, but I feel alive again. I have feelings again, I know myself again. I know that I am madly in love with my husband, I know that I have purpose.

I know this is a lot, and I have never posted to your blog before, but I wanted to thank you. I have no idea who I would be without this blog to bring me back from my precipice. Your amazing spirit, humor, and individuality have gotten me through some very hard days.

I have no idea if you will ever read this, or much less see it buried within all these comments, but it makes me glad to be able to say thank you. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to pick up my anxiety meds and they were like, “We don’t have them” and I was like “I am going to have a panic attack right here and now” and they were like “Just kidding they’ll be ready in five minutes don’t have a panic attack” and I was like “Y’all suck and that was a close one” and they were like “Go sit down you’re freaking people out” and I was like “See this book that I’m reading? It’s better than antidepressants (but please still give me my antidepressants to go with the anxiety meds” and they were like “hmm” and I was like “EVERYONE HAS TO READ THIS BOOK NOW GO BUY IT IT’S IN THE BESTSELLER SECTION” and they were like “Ma’am, you’re unstable” and I was like “That’s why I’m here.” For the record, the book was your book and I’ve been telling people at grocery stores and salons and pharmacies to read it all week.
Ashleigh recently posted..Depression: The Up-Side

I have guffawed right out loud while reading some parts of your book. But I do need to ask one question — do all your copies come with a bullet hole?! On one of the first pages of the book, there is a round hole at the top of the page as if a bullet when clean through!! Which, by the way, did the gun come from the gun cabinet or gun armoire?!?
Marion recently posted..Squint Shot 042212

I’m still waiting for my copy of your book to arrive. I got impatient and bought the Kindle version while waiting for my real book version to arrive and I read the whole thing in two days because it was THAT good. I predict that that actual book will show up tomorrow so Amazon can be like, “Really, you couldn’t survive the weekend without it?” Then I’ll have to display the book in a place of honor on our bookshelves so our friends (as if I ever invite anyone over) can see what fantastic taste I have in books – David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, Jen Lancaster, and Jenny Lawson.
Stacey recently posted..Blue Eyes

Agh I wish I could come to one of your book signings!
The Rebel Chick recently posted..Life is for the living – Inspiring Quotes about Life

I stood in my yard last night with your bookplate in one hand and my e-mail from amazon saying your book is on its way in the other, yelling “Jenny! Jenny?” and you didn’t show for the book signing on Hall Street in Bettendorf, Iowa that I scheduled with your imaginary publicist whom I’ll call Gertie. Really, Jenny, if you can’t keep up with Gertie’s schedule perhaps you should fire her. I guess I’ll eat all of this egg casserole myself.
Julie the Wife recently posted..Glass Half Full, Carton Empty

I’m in so much love with your outfit. Is that a dress? Or a shirt and skirt? A ridiculously awesome mumu? I don’t know but I want one! I already have red shoes…but i think your’s might be better.
Renee recently posted..Kill it.

I too have the same fear of refrigerators since that episode!

True Story: My BFF and I use the metaphor ‘Getting Stuck in the Fridge Episode’ to describe any show or situation where things are usually comedic in nature, but have taken a turn for the serious.
Julie recently posted..Pear Almond Muffins

I totally just hypervenhilated for you when I saw your picture with the lady with the gorgeous hair and the hard to spell name (I forgot how to spell it and I am pretty far down on the comments… so I am just gonna go with that).

You just never know who is stalking your blog online.
Nicole recently posted..Bad Romance Review: Lady Isabella’s Scandalous Marriage

Holy coon cats…. STEPHANIE MEYER is a fangirl and hopped on a M n Fing PLANE to see you.
Do you wonder what other notables read you????

I think that is what Hil Clinton was actually doing on her blackberry….
Catching up with the Blogess and she has a secret stash of ethically taxidermied mice she calls her little Billies…

COME TO BOSTON… we have BEANS!!!!!

My friend LauraJane and I just about pissed ourselves with happy, happy laughter at your reading.

Thank you.
Rebecca recently posted..I Kissed a Weasel, and I Liked It:

I had the exact same fear of getting stuck in a fridge after seeing that episode! I wish I could come and get a book signed at one of your readings, but I live in Australia! Good luck with the rest of the trip.

That’s me in the bright yellow shirt in the back! I had no idea Stephenie was there. So cool!

You are hilarious, and crazy in the best way possible. So glad the book tour is going well. I’m at the part where you got engaged to Victor. Loving it.

Woah. You must be a real writer now, right? If other authors are coming to your signings? To think, I stalked you before you were famous…
Jill recently posted..Migraine, Day 2.5

My mom wouldn’t let me watch punky brewster when I was a kid. I was deprived.

Come to Ohio, pretty please?
Julie recently posted..Being the Mother of Boys