Sometimes your friends totally get you. And that’s occasionally a good thing. I’m not entirely sure in this case.

January 10, 2013

And this is why I don’t like to use messages. Or the phone. Or the vacuum.

I’m the one in blue.

PS. The cat is fine. My ego is bruised. My phone is grounded. My friends get me a little too well. It’s disconcerting. And awesome.

{ 379 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Skerrib January 10, 2013 at 2:25 pm: I love everything about this post.
Skerrib recently posted..What I Say vs What I Mean…
2 Daddy Scratches January 10, 2013 at 2:27 pm: Just lost my job for laughing too loud. Thanks for that.
Daddy Scratches recently posted..♫ It’s the least … wonderful tiiime … of the yeeearrr ♬
3 Kristin January 10, 2013 at 2:28 pm: ROFL! I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard. sorry about your auto correct troubles, but thank you for posting them!
4 Mama Melch January 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm: Vagina humor never gets old!
Mama Melch recently posted..That Girl vs. This Girl
5 Heretic Husband January 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm: Nature abhors a vagina.
Heretic Husband recently posted..Wackjob Wednesday 1/9/13
6 Jean January 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm: Oh my gosh. I’m trying not to laugh too loud here at work. ROTF.
7 Borg Blog January 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm: I love Laura’s response. I mean really.. What else would we expect from Jenny?
Borg Blog recently posted..If Dear Abby had Come Out – Part II
8 Shannyn Schroeder January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: Too awesome! Excellent break in my day. Thanks for that
9 Rorey January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: Glad to see I’m not the only one with a noisy vagina
10 Wendy January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: This just goes to show you type “vagina” more than you type “vacuum.” You have an awesome life.
Wendy recently posted..Raven Pendant Necklace and Earring Set with Pearls and Hematite by NerdyNecklaces
11 Arnebya January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: How can you not sing dick in a box but with cooch in a closet? IT’S ONLY RIGHT. And these are the kinds of friends to have. “Honey, did I tell you Jenny sucked her vagina with the vacuum today?” “Huh. Did she like it?”
Arnebya recently posted..Just One
12 Bradley January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: Someone making my day: Check
Piddle pants: Check
Snort while reading: Check

I’m good. Have a great day.
Bradley recently posted..ChakaHannakah
13 Karin K January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: And THIS is why we read your blog.
14 Margi January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: That. Is. Awesome. Please submit this to Damn You Autocorrect.
Margi recently posted..January 6 Small Stones
15 Erica B January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: oh man! how embarrassing- atleast it wasn’t something important you were discussing with someone important, like your editor, or the President! Imagine if you typed that to the president… lol
Erica B recently posted..Heeey Geeky laaa-day!
16 Daddy Scratches January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: Also: Wait … you have HOW many unread txt messages…?
Daddy Scratches recently posted..♫ It’s the least … wonderful tiiime … of the yeeearrr ♬
17 Liesl January 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm: Honestly it’s the cat’s fault for not running away from the vagina. I mean, every cat knows that.
Liesl recently posted..Reflecting on self-image
18 wasnt_serious January 10, 2013 at 2:31 pm: Maile’s response is brilliant. “It’s like the girl version of dick in a box.”

Made my day. Honestly Jenny you are the best and autocorrect is evil.
19 MsDarkstar January 10, 2013 at 2:31 pm: When I saw the bit about hiking in the closet, I totally thought you had a TARDIS closet, in which, OF COURSE you could hike.

Hope that the feline in this story is not too traumatized. Mine won’t get anywhere near the vacuum, so there’s no chance of them getting sucked up into it. However, this is a prime argument for NOT vacuuming, so I think you sortve win there.

And I will totally give you my cell number so you can send me txt messages about cats getting sucked into vaginas… because it’d be a million times more awesome than the usual “so, what are you making for dinner” txt messages that I receive.

P.S. I love you even if Autocorrect is trying to make you look bad!
MsDarkstar recently posted..An Interview with an Author
20 kathy January 10, 2013 at 2:31 pm: I HATE HATE HATE….autocorrect
….there are times I swear I change it…but the original version gets posted. Theres like an autocorrect psycho phantom in my phone.
21 MILF Runner January 10, 2013 at 2:32 pm: I can imagine you yelling at your phone and punching the letters with your thumb REALLY hard in aggravation. And that your friends are so nonplussed – because it’s you.
MILF Runner recently posted..My Goals for 2013
22 Andi Marquette January 10, 2013 at 2:32 pm: Without autocorrect, I would not be laughing so hard that I’m practically sobbing. Damn you indeed, Autocorrect!
Andi Marquette recently posted..Ah, the importance of editors
23 Peanutlayne January 10, 2013 at 2:33 pm: LOL!!! Autocorrect drives me insane. I hate how anytime I try to write shit, it comes out shot. I say shit so often, shouldn’t my iphone be used to me by now?
Peanutlayne recently posted..Bengay, it’s what’s for dinner
24 Mike January 10, 2013 at 2:33 pm: God – you make me LAUGH!!
Mike recently posted..Gay Family Values Workout
25 Katie January 10, 2013 at 2:33 pm: Laughed so hard. It’s ok – at least it was autocorrected. My sister thought that bathroom caulk was spelled and pronounced “cock” and kept asking the people of Walmart where she could buy “cock.” It ended well, clearly.
Katie recently posted..And in my Medieval fantasy, I’m an abstinent, childless nun and you’re the non-hemophiliac Lord of the Manor.
26 Claire J January 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm: That whole exchange is fantastic.
Claire J recently posted..A Very British Problem
27 Julie January 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm: Happens to everyone once in a while…
Talking about the noisy vagina, of course.
Julie recently posted..My Perfect Winter PlayList
28 keaven neely January 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm: I’d say your phone gets you too well
keaven neely recently posted..Only getting crazier
29 Sarah January 10, 2013 at 2:35 pm: Why can’t these awesome autocorrects happen to meee? (That turned into “needs” which is not a “cool” autocorrect mistake). Anyway, I love you, and love their responses. Submit to damnyouautocorrect.com.
30 Cindy - The Reedster Speaks January 10, 2013 at 2:35 pm: The visuals this brings up are so disturbing. So very disturbing.
Cindy – The Reedster Speaks recently posted..Ringing in the New Year with My Therapist
31 keaven neely January 10, 2013 at 2:35 pm: also, you gotta submit this to http://www.Damnyouautocorrect.com I’ve spent plenty of hours on that website laughing til I pee myself.
32 Nicole@TheKidlessKronicles January 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm: Sounds like a bad day to be a cat. And a vagina. But isn’t it always a bad day to be a vagina, really?

The Kidless Kronicles
Nicole@TheKidlessKronicles recently posted..Gratitude
33 Jen January 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm: HAHAHAAHA. AWESOME. I too didn’t blink at the initial vagina claim. I’m just thought, “Hmm, she’ll explain that, I’m sure.”
34 William January 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm: I can see the new Dyson Commercial now. “Our Cyclone technology can make sounds like a vagina and can suck up cats.”
William recently posted..Autograph
35 Shauna January 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm: You would think I would know by now that it’s dangerous to read your blog at work. I almost choked to death just now trying not to laugh hysterically.
36 DragonTears January 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm: OMG! The response. It’s like a girl version of dick in a box! That’s amazing … I have serious giggles now.
You know we love you when we are all picturing you hiking in your closet with a noisy vagina and it fills our hearts with joy. Confusion yes, but mostly joy.

*squishy hugs*
37 Justjen January 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm: Bwahaha! Keep an eye on the cats’ tail base the next few days though. I’ve witnessed pulling injuries and sometimes damage to the nerve/blood supply can’t be seen for a few days. ‘Noise of the vagina’ — I’m going to try my damnedest to work this into conversations somehow.
38 Toia January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: That is amazing! Also your phone is an asshole my phone once insisted I wanted to say porn instead of poem it was an interesting conversation with my friend. ” I have to read boring ass porn for my romantic age class” he responded with some pun on Librtal Arts education. Thank you for. Giving me a good belly laugh for the day
39 Chelsea January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: Oh man, I am never going to look at my Vagina/Vacuum the same way again.
40 Steve January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: I am totally LOLing out loud.
41 Lindsey January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: love
42 Ellie Di January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: You don’t know if the cat is alive or dead until you look in your vagina.
Ellie Di recently posted..What I mean when I say “I feel fat”
43 Shannon January 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm: I couldn’t stop laughing. So glad I work at home…alone…
Shannon recently posted..Be Where You’re At
44 Karen Sanders January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm: You mean, not everyone’s conversations go this way?
Karen Sanders recently posted..The Impending Pain of Labor and Its Current Mental Portion
45 Maria G January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm: I LOL’d so hard, I choked on my own saliva. Auto Corrected texts get me every time!
46 Carley January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm: This is my life……
47 Chris p January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm: you just made my day. thank you, so. so. much. I thought I was the only one out there with a vagina auto correct debacle!
48 Marta S. January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm: Thank you for making my day.
49 TheFeelGoodDepot January 10, 2013 at 2:40 pm: Damn Vagina’s… always getting in the way. Worse part is that it sounds like your Auto-correct is learning from you and trying to anticipate the conversation. lol
TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted..Mars One – Who Wants To Colonize Mars??
50 The Witch's Kitchen January 10, 2013 at 2:41 pm: OMG. Too funny!
The Witch’s Kitchen recently posted..Just messin around~
51 Erin January 10, 2013 at 2:41 pm: This conversation is made of awesome and Laura’s response illustrates why we all love you so much.
52 Sue January 10, 2013 at 2:41 pm: I was on the phone for a meeting that didn’t really need to include me. But still, it wouldn’t have helped my career to laugh into the phone.

I nearly had an aneurysm trying to suppress the laughter.

Loved it.
Sue recently posted..It is okay to do nothing. Right?
53 Jillian January 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm: Your vagina is like one of those people you see doing pull-ups on the subway or sitting on exercise balls in their offices–it still finds ways to exercise even in very confined spaces.
Jillian recently posted..Short Post and a Song #35 … and some additional ramblings
54 CraZyCat Lady January 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm: Bwaahahahaha. Obviously autocorrect knows you use vagina more than you use vacuum. Since both words begin with a V and both suck, you could try using “hoover” as a verb for one or the other to outwit autocorrect.
55 Alison January 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm: HAHAHA!!! I really needed this today more than you know. Thanks Jenny!!!
56 beth January 10, 2013 at 2:43 pm: rotflmao!! why arent my autocorrects ever that funny? this made my day though, thank you for the laughs! and @william who mentioned picturing the Dyson commercial, that made me laugh almost as much as the blog post itself!
57 Sherry Carr-Smith January 10, 2013 at 2:43 pm: Perfection!
58 Quirky Chrissy January 10, 2013 at 2:43 pm: Sometimes I use the “talk to text” feature…and it thinks I say all sorts of horribly wrong things. My sister did it last night and texted me about her whole family having the sex (having been sick). It was bad.
Quirky Chrissy recently posted..I’m Like a Gremlin…Except, You Know, Not
59 Shawna Knight January 10, 2013 at 2:44 pm: having just had surgery in my vagina – I should not have read that because I laughed so hard it hurt my incisions!!!
60 Carolyn January 10, 2013 at 2:44 pm: My day is now complete! It sucked until I read this. Now I’m giggling as I wander around my store imaging vacuums and kittys… and I have this urge to go read your book for the 44th time! <3 you!!! Thank you for keeping it real!
61 The Hook January 10, 2013 at 2:44 pm: Where would you be without your friends, jenny?
Sane?
What fun would that be?
62 Dazie January 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm: My friends continually link to autocorrects and say things like “OMG this was sooooooooo funny I’m still laughing! ROFL LOL ROFLMAFOWTFBBQ!!!1!!”

So I go, and read, and think “eh. My friends need more discerning senses of humor.”

This, however, made me snort, loudly, then clamp down so my boss didn’t yell.

Well done, Bloggess and friends. Well done.
63 Sandy@Sinsationally Me January 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm: You must do an insane amount of kegels to be able to suck up your cat.
Sandy@Sinsationally Me recently posted..He is a gentleman and a scholar
64 Amanda January 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm: OMG I just laughed so hard I’m literally crying. Thanks bloggess I needed that today!
65 Marie G January 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm: Everything about you causes happiness in my life.
66 Allison January 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm: Really glad to see I’m not the only one getting weird looks at work. LOVE.
Allison recently posted..Skullcap Scullcap and New Needles
67 Sabrina January 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm: My vagina is definitely noisy. Maybe noisier than my high-tech vacuum?
Sabrina recently posted..We’re on a break
68 Gordong January 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm: AutoCorrect doesn’t just fix typos – it predicts words based on previous behavior. i.e. you text “vagina” a lot.
69 Suebob January 10, 2013 at 2:47 pm: Karen’s response did me in.
Suebob recently posted..The Abbie Lynn Backstory
70 Jenn January 10, 2013 at 2:50 pm: Vacuum or vagina…its all good either way. The hiking thing is disturbing. I’m always leery of exercise, lol.
Jenn recently posted..Want To See My New Laptop?
71 Teresita de la Torre January 10, 2013 at 2:50 pm: there’s a pussy in a pussy joke there somewhere.
72 kompani101 January 10, 2013 at 2:50 pm: In the vagina of space no one can hear you scream.
73 Margaret Osako January 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm: I couldn’t help thinking NARNIA!!!!! have fun defeating the white witch! Try using your noisy vagina-powers on her…
74 Ashley January 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm: Let’s face it, Laura was right. I didn’t blink either. It was more like “oh, so today’s blog is going to be TMI,”
Ashley recently posted..YOLO.
75 Laura @ Unlikely Explanations January 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm: You should get a Roomba — you know, one of those robotic vaginas.
Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted..The Delusional Homeowner’s Guide to Faucet Repair
76 Charlotte January 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm: You have no idea how much I needed to read something like this. Thank you for sharing.
77 Kerry January 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm: I snorted! Outloud! at work…
Kerry recently posted..… Impossibly Magical!
78 Ali M January 10, 2013 at 2:53 pm: Probably the funniest shit I’ve read in over a month!!!!
79 Amy January 10, 2013 at 2:54 pm: Thanks for making me look like the crazy lady laughing alone in carpool.
80 Heather Greywolf January 10, 2013 at 2:55 pm: Jenny, I am SCREAMING LAUGHING over this!!! So much so that my 8 year-old came running over to see what was the matter. She stared at the screen for a minute (I was laughing to hard to close it down), turned to me and said, “Who sucks a *cat* up into their vagina? I mean … do you REALLY need to know your cat *that* well??”

She is WAY too me … and already a fan of your blog.
(In edited age-appropriate snippets, of course.)

A few days ago, i was trying to tell my friends that I didn’t have anything appropriate for vegans to eat in my house and were looking for menu ideas. Of course, Autocorrect changed “vegans” to “vaginas”. So my friend, who spent a puzzled moment or two wondering why I was looking for menu ideas to feed a hungry lady-garden, finally figures out what I was trying to say and responds back, “Well, my husband and I are *mostly* vaginas.”

LOL …

So yeah … I feel your pain on this one. iPhones are sluts.
81 Heather Smith January 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm: this. made my day.
82 Maggie January 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm: Phone grounded? Whatev. Give it a high five. Just laughed until I cried. Now to wipe mascara off my cheeks and get back to work. Right after I forward to anyone who doesn’t already follow you…
Maggie recently posted..a drive to Bolivia
83 Tacy January 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm: I’m pretty sure the vagina noise will make him disappear in the future.
Glad he’s ok and thank you so much for sharing the bad behavior of your phone with us.
84 General Disarray January 10, 2013 at 2:57 pm: I’ve never snorted milk out of my nose. Mostly because nothing funny ever seems to happen when I drink milk. I am going to have a glass of milk and reread the vagina incident when I get home just so I can finally experience the milk-snort thing.
85 Kara January 10, 2013 at 2:57 pm: Oh. My. Goodness. I just Snorted uncontrollably.

Even better. Mel has had Human Growth and Development for the past week. She got in the car today and said “So, today was all about the Wonderful World of Vaginas.” It’s like you’re part of the Health Teacher’s Syllabus.
Kara recently posted..Moxiefab Creative Card Challenges Week – Make Your Own Background Paper
86 Colleen January 10, 2013 at 2:57 pm: Love this. Auto correct, not so much.
87 Robin Dance January 10, 2013 at 2:58 pm: I’m pretty sure it wasn’t autocorrect at all. I think your fingers are just USED to typing VAGINA waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy more than they ever type vacuum.
Robin Dance recently posted..BEHOLD one of life’s greatest mysteries
88 Rebekah Mae January 10, 2013 at 2:59 pm: Your friend is right, that was like the female version of “Dick in a box”

Aweeesome. My phone has yet to autocorrect me something awesome like Vagina instead of vacuum. One can hope though…
89 Cathy January 10, 2013 at 2:59 pm: I just shot soda out of my nose. I needed a good laugh.
Cathy recently posted..Real resolutions… I think
90 Adrasteia January 10, 2013 at 2:59 pm: HAHAHAHAHAHA I love you. And your noisy vagina. I wish I could hike in my closet. Sadly it is barely big enough for some clothes, shoes, and dirt.
Adrasteia recently posted..Are y’all sleepy? Hopefully I will be!
91 Heather C. January 10, 2013 at 3:00 pm: This is like some kind of R rated version of “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”. :0O
92 Ryan January 10, 2013 at 3:00 pm: I hate it when my cat gets stuck in my vagina. This really cheered me up, thanks for that.
93 Abbie Gale January 10, 2013 at 3:01 pm: THIS IS WHAT I’M DOING WRONG! My friends are like, I don’t have to read your blog…I KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE! I’m reversed. In real life I would photoshop my cat in a vagina and send it to them with an SOS! I have been doing this blog thing backwards. I laughed really, really hard and thinking I want a book deal if you can go hiking in your closet.
94 Korisa January 10, 2013 at 3:01 pm: I love your blog! You never fail to make me smile!
95 Betty Fernau January 10, 2013 at 3:02 pm: This. Is. Awesome.
96 Kathleen January 10, 2013 at 3:02 pm: Laughed out loud all through this. Cleaned out my pipes.
Kathleen recently posted..The Next Big Thing
97 Ang in SF January 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm: Laughing tears! For real. And I’m at work. So now they think I’m insane.
Ang in SF recently posted..My Sacrifice to the Mayan Gods Saved Us All
98 Katy January 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm: That’s pretty awesome. Made me laugh a lot. Great visual.

I do hate autocorrect – it has started to make words that are real words into gibberish because I can’t type well on that stupid iphone keyboard.
99 Kelly January 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm: Wow. I mean, seriously, wow. Thank god I’m not the only one this kind of thing happens to.
Kelly recently posted..Sometimes my nerdiness gets crafty (AKA-Doctor Who Christmas)
100 Nikki January 10, 2013 at 3:04 pm: My vagina takes hikes into the closet all the time.
Nikki recently posted..Hola, me llamo Nicole
101 Angela @Momopolize January 10, 2013 at 3:04 pm: I MUST remember to turn on autocorrect if I’m ever running low on blog material to write about. Awesome!
102 Stephanie January 10, 2013 at 3:05 pm: The phone does seem to know you quite well. That could be a good thing.
Stephanie recently posted..The Bane of Ambition
103 Pax January 10, 2013 at 3:05 pm: Absolutely fabulous! I wish my friends got me like that. Or that my phone got me like that. But it doesn’t because it’s not my friend. VAGINA! It’s not vacuum – it’s VAGINA! Suck it up, spit it out… yep, I think your phone & your friend knew exactly what you were talking about. But sorry about the cat. Never ever have your cat stuck in your vagina. I think that’d be ludicrous to watch – scratching yourself because of the fur and all. Ah – you made my day! Again!! Now I want to vagina, ehm, vacuum…
104 When I Blink January 10, 2013 at 3:06 pm: There’s a “pussy” joke to be made in all this.

I mean, not be me. Because I am a lady. But by someone.
When I Blink recently posted..How To Write a Thank-You Note
105 Cris January 10, 2013 at 3:07 pm: My cats know better than to go near vacuums…or is that vaginas?
106 Natalie the Singingfool January 10, 2013 at 3:08 pm: Hmm, I don’t even want to know how the autocorrect version would work. Unless we’re strictly talking science fiction stuff.
Natalie the Singingfool recently posted..Happiness, Thou Elusive Beast
107 Michelle January 10, 2013 at 3:08 pm: Me and my roommate are the same way. Only usually we text each other the same thing at the same time. It’s a little creepy. Sometimes I think we are twins that were separated at birth. Other times I think we need to spend more time apart. Haha.
108 Sara January 10, 2013 at 3:09 pm: Could be worse, you could be…riding bisexuals to school! It was supposed to be “bus” but my friend’s phone failed him. I don’t think I’ll let him live this one down.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v46/bokuwavanilla/65134_471882786203815_1035236963_n_zpse19075ea.jpg
Sara recently posted..52 Lists – Week One
109 Jaime January 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm: I love this. I laughed so hard my kids looked at me weird. Although that’s not all that different from every other day.
Jaime recently posted..Conversations with Sebastian: Son, you are lucky you are still standing
110 Jena January 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm: This post made me laugh so much I had a coughing fit. If I die from laughter, tis a good way to go.
Jena recently posted..Hello world!
111 Crystal January 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm: Wow. I didn’t bat an eyelash either. Everything was normal until you said, “Damn autocorrect.”
Crystal recently posted..5 Unconventional Ways to Choose a Baby Name When at Odds
112 Kendallina January 10, 2013 at 3:13 pm: Oh My goodness!!! I cannot stop laughing!!
113 Mimi Gin January 10, 2013 at 3:15 pm: Ok, I share an office! He thinks I am nuts already and now its worse. I can’t tell HIM whay I am ROFL and tears are running down my face!
114 Erica January 10, 2013 at 3:15 pm: Can I give you my number? I need texts like this in my day!
115 Stacey January 10, 2013 at 3:16 pm: This means you type vagina on your phone more often than vacuum.
116 Nicole January 10, 2013 at 3:17 pm: I’m laughing hysterically. This is just brilliant.
117 Kaitlyn January 10, 2013 at 3:18 pm: I had a great one from my cousin today. ‘Damn college Judas.’
She meant college kids.
Kaitlyn recently posted..Don’t let them
118 Matt January 10, 2013 at 3:18 pm: The amazing part about friends is not that they know how fucked up we are; it’s that they love us anyway.
119 Melissa January 10, 2013 at 3:18 pm: Best auto-correct ever.
120 Nikki January 10, 2013 at 3:20 pm: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Nikki recently posted..Curly hair is complicated, but Justin it is OK to be straight
121 cara January 10, 2013 at 3:20 pm: i completely and totally needed this today. Thank you.
122 Meg Mullendore January 10, 2013 at 3:21 pm: OMG, this is by far the best auto correct I have ever seen, that is AWESOME!!!! You rock Jenny!
123 Katy McCaffrey January 10, 2013 at 3:21 pm: there’s a pussy cat joke to be made here, I just don’t want to be the one to do it.
Katy McCaffrey recently posted..Diapa’ Rap
124 Janine Huldie January 10, 2013 at 3:21 pm: Oh I hate auto-correct, but must admit this was the best damn conversation that I have seen auto-correct fuck up, lol!!
Janine Huldie recently posted..Go Big or Go Home: Lily Style…
125 Allison Merritt January 10, 2013 at 3:27 pm: I once sucked my roommate’s sock up in a vacuum. I didn’t tell her. Then she set fire to my poster. She says it was an accident, but it might’ve been retribution for the sock. Probably because she had a tiny spy came in our dorm room, watching me. All the time. Or, you know, it was really an accident. They both seem likely.
Allison Merritt recently posted..Queen Harebrain Speaks
126 Nicole January 10, 2013 at 3:27 pm: Awesome. Also, go read the rest of your messages! Holy shit, woman! I’m assuming there’s only a 1 in front of that “75″, but being you, who the hell knows?
127 Dana the Biped January 10, 2013 at 3:28 pm: I think my AutoCorrect has a chastity ring or something. It always changes my texts to cleaner, sweeter things.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Hops in the Right Direction: Persistence Pays Off
128 jessie marie January 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm: I’ve learned that autocorrect hates me and that is why I text so slowly now…
jessie marie recently posted..And the world sucks.
129 Meredith @ The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears January 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm: I don’t know Maile Wilson, but I’m pretty sure I love her (him?).
Meredith @ The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears recently posted..The Personal Trainer Made a Liar Out of Me
130 Mark January 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm: Explaining to my wife why I am helplessly cackling is going to be very difficult. Fortunately I have the blog and the book as backup. Even so, this is going to be a good day.
131 Robyn Webb January 10, 2013 at 3:31 pm: That’s great. The sad thing is, my friends are the same way with me. Sometimes, when I text my boyfriend and mess up, he just goes with it assuming it to be what I meant.
Robyn Webb recently posted..2012, Thanks for Peeing in My Cheerios
132 Tiffany January 10, 2013 at 3:32 pm: How many people had a friend send them this post with a note that said “Look, it’s us!”? Because I’m positive that I’m not the only one.
Tiffany recently posted..Comfort Food
133 Ashley F January 10, 2013 at 3:33 pm: That is fantastic. Clearly they know you very well.
Ashley F recently posted..Why the NHL can kiss my ass.
134 Stace January 10, 2013 at 3:34 pm: Is a hiking vagina anything like a waltzing Matilda? Great, now that’ll be in my head the rest of the day. The song. Not the vagina.

Nevermind.
Stace recently posted..Snore and Peace
135 Lara S January 10, 2013 at 3:35 pm: I laughed so hard at the post AND the comments that I had to hit my asthma inhaler. Thanks to everyone (but Jenny especially) for a great, great laugh. (For the record, this is still my favorite auto-correct of all time: http://fyouautocorrect.com/view/damn-f-you-auto-correct-complete/127 )
136 Courtney January 10, 2013 at 3:35 pm: This makes me glad I don’t have an iPhone. It’s bad enough when I typo and send something weird to my husband. I don’t need Autocorrect making things even more embarrassing than usual.
Courtney recently posted..Crawfish etoufee
137 mydogfartswhenshebarks! January 10, 2013 at 3:35 pm: I’m too afraid of being embarrassed by my phone so I turned off auto-correct and predictive text features…and I have to re-read my text messages twice before sending them. When I DO get snarky, by the time I send the message, it’s no longer funny. If I happen to ‘voice dictate’ a text message, I get shit like this. NOOOOOO…
138 Heather McKenzie January 10, 2013 at 3:37 pm: Wow, thank you for alleviating a craptastic day!:)
139 Dee Dee January 10, 2013 at 3:39 pm: Awesome! My phone hates me and sabotages me on a weekly basis. It seriously makes up new words just to make me seem stupid. Words that I have never typed, ever. It appears yours may be the same. Wink!
140 Molley Mills January 10, 2013 at 3:41 pm: autocorrect is a bad, bad thing! Glad the cat is ok
Molley Mills recently posted..English isn’t English In America
141 Gregg Barnes January 10, 2013 at 3:45 pm: There is not a thing about this post that isnt awesome. My co-workers are staring at me because I am laughing like a mad man.
142 terimo January 10, 2013 at 3:46 pm: Sent a link to this post to a friend. Her reply, “If you told me Cindy [my dog] got sucked up in your vagina, I might not question it either. You’d have to actually TELL me to call 911 or the vet.”
143 carmhasemail@gmail.com January 10, 2013 at 3:47 pm: You need a BLOGGESS TEXT MESSAGE APP. Make that shit happy, will ya JENTACULAR?

kthanksloveyobye
carmhasemail@gmail.com recently posted..Making People Homeless, One Asshole Tenant At A Time
144 JD Bailey @ Honest Mom January 10, 2013 at 3:47 pm: Good lord, I’m sitting at my kid’s gymnastics crying from laughing. I hope you send this to damnyouautocorrect and show them how it’s done.
145 Tracy January 10, 2013 at 3:48 pm: Holy crap! I really needed the laugh today. That lying bastartd depression has my little girl in it’s clutches pretty bad right now. Thanks for helping me today.
146 Stephanie January 10, 2013 at 3:48 pm: I love this post..It has made my whole week. Thank you for sharing and making us all laugh. Sometimes I would love to be a fly on your wall just with the things you say on your blog.
Stephanie recently posted..EAST- Fox Totem
147 Mom of All Boys January 10, 2013 at 3:54 pm: OMG! You should TOTALLY put that conversation into Gizoogle and see what comes out!
I.Love. You!
148 Robert K. Blechman January 10, 2013 at 3:54 pm: I don’t know if you have an iPhone, but if not we all need to chip in and get you and Siri together!

BTW, my tweeted sequel to Executive Severance begins on Monday, 9 AM at @Twitstery. You, your cat AND your vacuum/vagina are welcome!
Robert K. Blechman recently posted..A Compendium of Executive Severance Reviews and Notices
149 Kim B January 10, 2013 at 3:55 pm: Oh, the tears are just streaming down my face. Thank you for a great laugh – I needed that.
150 Rachel January 10, 2013 at 3:55 pm: Best autocorrect ever. I’m almost certain that autocorrect corrects words you never use to words that you use all the time. I’m not entirely sure though since I turned it off so I wouldn’t have a moment like that.
Rachel recently posted..The Kitten Had Surgery
151 Vanessa January 10, 2013 at 3:56 pm: Oh, my gosh. I just spit coffee out my nose and my boss is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. I just waved vaguely at the screen and mumbled something about an invoice while surreptitiously wiping coffee off my monitor. Thank you for making my day.
Vanessa recently posted..Time travel, part 3
152 John Lewis January 10, 2013 at 3:56 pm: How many levels of entendre are revealed here?
John Lewis recently posted..My Acting Résumé
153 Lee January 10, 2013 at 3:56 pm: I so needed to see that today! Thank you!
154 jesspants January 10, 2013 at 3:57 pm: I am dying of LOL here at work.

Also, 75 unread messages?! My OCD would be flipping out! In fact, my OCD is flipping out for you! Read those messages.
jesspants recently posted..a year in photos
155 Jess January 10, 2013 at 3:58 pm: The only way it would be better is if the cat was in on the group text message and chimed in with, “Don’t believe her. It wasn’t an autocorrect. It really was her vagina.”
Jess recently posted..And Then, She Pee’d On Me…
156 Sandy January 10, 2013 at 4:00 pm: You don’t know how much I needed that laugh right now!
Sandy recently posted..Comment on Get Out The Vote! by Christine
157 Holly Folly January 10, 2013 at 4:01 pm: On the plus side, if your vagina was a vacuum, you could scoot around on your butt to clean your house.
Holly Folly recently posted..We Cleaned Out the Shed, also Timeline Happened
158 Marianne January 10, 2013 at 4:02 pm: “Siri” does not get my southern accent AT ALL. I tried to text my daughter yesterday and was trying to use the word “riot”. Siri interpretted it as “ride” and then “Wyatt” when I tried to send a text to correct the text. Then when my daughter said “Huh?” and I tried to just spell it out and Siri came up with “Rolyat” and I don’t even know what that word MEANS.
Marianne recently posted..Baby-love: The life of a very good cat.
159 Smokeynall January 10, 2013 at 4:04 pm: Sounds like a normal Thursday to me.
Smokeynall recently posted..The First Goalie Post.
160 Marianne January 10, 2013 at 4:06 pm: Urban dictionary has this for Rolyat: Noun. A situation in which a being (male or female, most commonly a mammal) engages in sexual activity with an entire football team simultaneously.

That’s nice.
Marianne recently posted..Baby-love: The life of a very good cat.
161 Geoffrey @realgtaylor January 10, 2013 at 4:09 pm: Maybe your cat would hear the vacuum next time if you kept your noisy vagina in the closet?
Geoffrey @realgtaylor recently posted..Free Online Coursework
162 Jenny January 10, 2013 at 4:10 pm: Going for a hike in your closet clearly indicates a doorway to Narnia. Lucky you!
163 Joan Hockman January 10, 2013 at 4:11 pm: I laughed until I cried. Honestly. And I woke up the dog, but the cat slept through it.
Joan Hockman recently posted..Feisty Animals & the Dissection of Christmas
164 Heidi Bryan January 10, 2013 at 4:11 pm: This post simply rocks…no further explanation needed How is the cat after this experience?
Heidi Bryan recently posted..Santa brought me a tummy bug…
165 Susie January 10, 2013 at 4:11 pm: because i have a va-jay-jay, i am never getting a smart phone or a cat. i do love to get your blog.
166 Buffy Myers January 10, 2013 at 4:11 pm: Keep this up and I will have to get a pee pad for my desk chair!
167 M.Ross January 10, 2013 at 4:13 pm: My son got in trouble at school for telling a kid he has a vagina over Instagram. He should have used the auto correct defense……
168 Queen Beezy January 10, 2013 at 4:18 pm: HILARIOUS. I think I just peed myself a lil bit.
169 Casey January 10, 2013 at 4:19 pm: I once sucked my kid’s face up in the vacuum, totally by accident…because what kind of crazy mother does that on purpose. Now I think it was probably payback for him getting stuck in my vagina at birth.
170 Stacey January 10, 2013 at 4:20 pm: Annnnnndddd now I’m off to google “cats sucked up a vagina”
Stacey recently posted..Recycled roadkill is the new black. Or something.
171 Katie @ Domestiphobia.net January 10, 2013 at 4:21 pm: Someone has already shared it, but there IS a girl version of Dick in a Box. It’s Box in a Box. Look it up on Youtube – it’s actually fantastic.
Katie @ Domestiphobia.net recently posted..Philadelphia Is Cool Because It Birthed The Declaration of Independence In 1776, The Constitution In 1787, And Will Smith In 1968.
172 SuzieQ January 10, 2013 at 4:21 pm: I wish my vagina would vacuum.
173 Kelly and Geoff January 10, 2013 at 4:23 pm: “Noise of the vagina” sounds like the title of a really bad modern art installation.

Also, this is why I don’t have autocorrect on my phone. Then it corrects all of my swear words into other things. Much easier and faster just to type out the damn word.
Kelly and Geoff recently posted..Nick Flynn, Ty Burr, Amanda Palmer, & Neil Gaiman
174 Melissa January 10, 2013 at 4:24 pm: Sounds like your vagina is in great shape!
Melissa recently posted..2012 in a quick minute
175 Brooklynne January 10, 2013 at 4:24 pm: This is hilarious. Also, 75 unread texts? You’ve got some work to do.
Brooklynne recently posted..Park Place Motorsports
176 jenn January 10, 2013 at 4:26 pm: I’m more concerned that you have 75 messages that you haven’t read… that’s a lot. Get your cat out of your vagina and check your damn messages!
177 Scott January 10, 2013 at 4:27 pm: Pavlovian conditioning to the sounds of a noisy vagina. That might be another internet first.
178 Ashley January 10, 2013 at 4:32 pm: I laughed SO hard just now.. I snorted. I’ve never snorted.

xo Ashley
luckylittlebird.blogspot.com
179 Holby January 10, 2013 at 4:32 pm: OMG….I am so glad I am the only one in the building. Though, it might be weirder that I am laughing so hard I am crying and no one is around.
Wait. Nope. I was wrong. The maintenance man is running his VAGINA as I type!!!!
180 Jill Pinnella Corso January 10, 2013 at 4:39 pm: Don’t be embarrassed by your impressive, if strange, talent!
Jill Pinnella Corso recently posted..Yes, I’m Married. No, I’m Not Pregnant.
181 Kattie January 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm: Oh my, that is the funniest thing I have read in days.
Kattie recently posted..Random Pt 4
182 Mark Magness January 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm: That has made my day
Mark Magness recently posted..Bowie’s Back!
183 Lee January 10, 2013 at 4:48 pm: I hope to use “going to go hike in the closet” in a sentence today. Can’t use the vagina material…being that I have the penis thingy.
184 Michelle January 10, 2013 at 4:48 pm: Go to ‘settings – general – keyboards – autocorrect’ and select OFF
But honestly, where’s the fun in doing that? Lol
I totally love autocorrect – SO MUCH FUN!!!!
185 Sara January 10, 2013 at 4:54 pm: I love how she started with shut up, like this is something you text her with everyday. Hysterical. As usual.
Sara recently posted..Jenny My Hero
186 D.Lee Sebree January 10, 2013 at 4:54 pm: I am so glad school’s over and my students are dismissed; I’m crying with laughter. At first… I didn’t get that that’s not what you wanted to say.
187 CeeCee Knight January 10, 2013 at 5:02 pm: I love this so much my side hurts!! Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had in way too long.
188 vhmckenzie January 10, 2013 at 5:08 pm: Sweet jeezus this was perfection.

I didn’t bat an eyelash at taking a hike in the closet — that seemed like a perfectly composed response to autocorrect.
189 The Suzzzz January 10, 2013 at 5:10 pm: I have GOT to stop reading your blog at work. I think I may have given myself a hernia by unsuccessfully trying not to laugh out loud.

PS – Not only did I fail at not laughing out loud, the strain of trying not to caused me to snort so loud my coworkers all thought I was having some sort of fit.
The Suzzzz recently posted..But WHY are you searching for that?
190 Momma Fargo January 10, 2013 at 5:11 pm: OMG. Thank you so much for that incredible belly laugh on a very blue day. I love it!
Momma Fargo recently posted..Duck Mutilation
191 Kelli January 10, 2013 at 5:12 pm: Laughed so hard I almost threw up. Jesus.
Kelli recently posted..2013 has been "eventful" so far.
192 Ashleigh January 10, 2013 at 5:14 pm: Stop. My face hurts! Can’t stop laughing!
Ashleigh recently posted..End of an era… Or a world…
193 AMCMBCDragonfly0513 January 10, 2013 at 5:21 pm: Dear bloggers do not be embarrassed my new Kindle Fire tablet is constantly autocorrecting words that do not need to be corrected.

I am a close friend of Heather Greywolf. Awhile back around late September Heather and I had been talking via text. We eventually said good night and went to bed. About a half hour later my phone goes off and I have another text from Heather. I open it and it simply says,”I love you and miss you” Heather and I had not yet met in person,so I found her text a bit odd and I tested her back saying “Um Ok” she tested me back asking what my text was about. I forwarded the text to her that I had received moments earlier; the one saying I love you and miss you” Heather SWEARS that she did not tell t that to me. Apparently her independent of her took it upon itself to text me and flirt with me.

A few days ago I texted her and asked why she had not texted me back. Apparently without my realizing my tablet turned the word text into test criminal.Needless to say Heather was confused as to why I wanted her to test criminal me back.

Today the woman who styles my hair commented on my profile picture and told me how good my hair looked. I thanked her but explained that to get my hair looking the way that it did in the photo took an hour of work and a ton of hair spray. My tablet turned hair spray into Shakespeare!!

Last night as my Facebook status I put that I was going to go soak in a hot tub. My tablet turned tub into Turbine LOL so my status read,”I am going to go soak in a hot turbine.”

The best one from last week was that on my Facebook status I put that I was going to go teach my Sunday school class (I abbreviated it CCD) it turned CCD into XXX. My status then read that I was going to teach my XXX class LMAO!!!!
194 kmkat January 10, 2013 at 5:24 pm: But think how boring life was before damned auto-correct!
195 Mayor Gia January 10, 2013 at 5:26 pm: Hehhe oh dear autocorrect!
Mayor Gia recently posted..Power Paranoia
196 ConnieC January 10, 2013 at 5:30 pm: OMG I wish there was a LIKE button for some of these comments! And you should put that on DamnYouAutocorrect.com – hilarious!
197 Bailey January 10, 2013 at 5:34 pm: I’m picturing you vagina hiking in the closet now….

…..

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And this is why I proof read everything 5 times before I send it….and I still eff it up somehow.
Bailey recently posted..20 Weeks Half way there!
198 Ashley January 10, 2013 at 5:39 pm: ohmygosh this is too funny! I just laughed SO HARD! Just what I needed at the end of the day! Thanks for sharing Jenny
Ashley recently posted..New Year, New Goals
199 mexmom January 10, 2013 at 5:49 pm: This is hilarious, and this is why I have the autocorrect off.
But now I wondering all the fun I’m missing, maybe it could be a test to see if my friends know me so well as yours.
mexmom recently posted..Being the tooth fairy is not easy!
200 GurlNxtDoor January 10, 2013 at 5:56 pm: Best. Texts. Ever.
GurlNxtDoor recently posted..Little Big Vroooomeh: A Game Review
201 Lori January 10, 2013 at 5:58 pm: Greatness.

And oh so glad I’m not the only one whose phone is out to get them. Mine is convinced it’s a Brit. And I’m in Texas.
Lori recently posted..Stuff–Part I
202 Mary January 10, 2013 at 6:06 pm: Could you quiet that vagina down?
Mary recently posted..Zull Lust & Laune Blauer Portugieser
203 Angie Kinghorn January 10, 2013 at 6:07 pm: I want to be in your texting club.

Jenny, Jenny, give me your number…Wait…is it 867-5309? Because then you could legitimately hand out business cards that said, “For a good time, call!”
Angie Kinghorn recently posted..You can’t tell or it won’t come true …
204 Mary January 10, 2013 at 6:07 pm: I’m reading this while having dinner at a local bar (like many of your readers I also drink a lot.) I’m doing that “clenched teeth trying not to laugh outloud, but tears are running dowm my cheeks” thing. But then I started reading the comments and some of your readers are almost as funny as you. So now I’m laughing outloud at my ipad and the people around me are changing seats. Awesome!
205 Judi January 10, 2013 at 6:10 pm: My poor asmatic daughter cannot breath now…perhaps she should not read your blog…seeing that she is 12! Funniest thing EVER!
206 Rebecca January 10, 2013 at 6:15 pm: This may sound horrible, but my family makes it a point to use the words vagina and rectum on a daily basis. Sometimes in the same sentence if your good!
207 algi January 10, 2013 at 6:16 pm: I’m sorry, but I find it funny that you vacuumed up your cat’s tail. I bet both of you looked surprised.
208 Jeanette January 10, 2013 at 6:19 pm: Love auto correct problems. Laughed and snorted at this one. Thanks
209 Julia January 10, 2013 at 6:22 pm: Fantastic. Autocorrect is glorious.

Let’s talk more about your vagina and it’s cat attracting powers. Or should I say pussy attracting powers?
Julia recently posted..Refocusing
210 Rumble Kitty January 10, 2013 at 6:24 pm: Wasn’t your intro music “My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide” at some conference talk you gave a while back? I mean, I can see how they wouldn’t bat an eye! The image is out there! Just didn’t know it was noisy, too, but that’s not a huge leap!
211 Devon January 10, 2013 at 6:27 pm: OH MY GOD!!! How is it possible that you’ve outdone yourself. This is hilarious!!!
212 Devon January 10, 2013 at 6:31 pm: I am still in shock.
Devon recently posted..Quinny thinks that he should win the memes contest…(shh, there’s no contest. don’t tell him.)
213 Stephen Battey January 10, 2013 at 6:35 pm: Your poor vagina.
Stephen Battey recently posted..I think I hate children right now.
214 uniqueweirdness January 10, 2013 at 6:48 pm: And this is why I still use a lame-ass blackberry WITHOUT auto correct. You just cant make that shit up.
uniqueweirdness recently posted..The Magic Cabinet
215 Melanie January 10, 2013 at 6:50 pm: I mean really, it was only a matter of time until the cat got sucked up in your noisy vagina. Why were you surprised?

On another note, does YOUR closet lead to Narnia TOO??
Melanie recently posted..Snotty-Headed Thoughts
216 Ginger McPastry January 10, 2013 at 7:00 pm: We all have those days where the vagina is just really noisy and is like a black hole sucking up everything. Good luck on that hike though. Sounds exhausting.
217 Renee January 10, 2013 at 7:07 pm: This is awesome. Seriously the best thing I’ve read since Beyonce. Knock, knock, motherfucker.
218 Devon Stewart January 10, 2013 at 7:17 pm: OMG!!! I damn near got the hiccups from laughing so hard! My four year old was asking me, “What’s so funny mama?” It’s horrible when you can’t tell your four year old daughter that a woman was accidentally sucking her cat up with a vacuum. LMAO!!!
Devon Stewart recently posted..It’s the little things
219 Lady Penelope January 10, 2013 at 7:24 pm: In the words of Sheldon Cooper; “check your messages”
220 Heather January 10, 2013 at 7:28 pm: I laughed so hard. What with the sucking a cat up your vagina and hiking in the closet. I don’t text, and sometimes I feel like I’m really missing out.
Heather recently posted..The Hobby of Denying Women Health Coverage
221 Crystal January 10, 2013 at 7:32 pm: I love you. Your auto-correct is so much better than mine.
Thank-you for making me laugh on one of those days where everything makes me cry.
222 Lynne Thomas January 10, 2013 at 7:33 pm: Okay, that is the best autocorrect nightmare I have seen. My first thought was, “Her vagina is big enough to suck up a cat? Why isn’t she working in the porn industry?” Then I remembered that you do work in the porn industry, clown porn that is, and it all made sense.

This is an instance of “making sense” being scary.
Lynne Thomas recently posted..My Algernon Moment
223 Jenny January 10, 2013 at 7:36 pm: SO. FLIPPING.AWESOME. You can’t even begin to imagine how much I needed that whole body laugh! And I never questioned your text either.. thanks girl!
224 TriGirl January 10, 2013 at 7:39 pm: I love your friends. My phone likes to call my friends “Chicago”. And Siri, well she needs to learn that ‘no means no’, so that when she gets my text dictation wrong she doesn’t send it anyway.
TriGirl recently posted..Baby, It’s Cold Outside: Running in cold weather
225 Sheryl O January 10, 2013 at 7:41 pm: (1) you have the perfect friends and (2) I hope the cat is declawed *blink
226 mothers little hleper January 10, 2013 at 7:41 pm: Its amazing how many people read blogs at work….. I do too and the boss just asked me why I was laughing at my computer! I finally (to think I didnt know about amazon and that they ship to every country including Singapore!) got your book and am reading (no not at work) it every night before I go to bed. I thought I was too old for hero worship but…….
mothers little hleper recently posted..an ego boost…..or is it just a personality disorder
227 Karen Peterson January 10, 2013 at 7:49 pm: One of the things I miss out on by having a Droid instead of an iphone. Sigh.
Karen Peterson recently posted..Updated: It’s Here! It’s Here!!
228 Helen January 10, 2013 at 7:52 pm: You know you can’t say vagina in Congress, right?
229 Nici January 10, 2013 at 7:54 pm: At least your autocorrect has a sense of humor. On my silly android phone, the AC was not only stupid, but a total prude. It kept changing ‘Fuck’ to ‘Duck’ – which was OK if I was mad at someone, but not so okay if sexting. (shut up, don’t ask). It also insisted I didn’t know how to spell my friend’s names, even common names, and kept changing MY name to “Demise” (wrong, that is just so wrong, totally depressing).

After trying both AC programs (one, apparently from google that pulled it’s dictionary from my contact list, and the other the android ac program), I turned AC off and started using the voice input. At least when it messes up, it gets phoenetically close to what I meant, so other folks understand me.
230 Katherine January 10, 2013 at 7:55 pm: Thanks to you my computer monitor gets cleaned on a regular basis. I really should know better than to take a sip (ok slug) of wine before I click one of your links.
231 Erica January 10, 2013 at 7:56 pm: People who cannot identify with your posts are in some serious denial and are in need of a kick in the vag! just sayin
232 Bree January 10, 2013 at 7:59 pm: I do NOT know the last time I laughed that hard.
233 Mama D January 10, 2013 at 8:00 pm: I laughed out loud! And I really needed a laugh…thanks.
Mama D recently posted..The Streak Is Broken
234 Patricia January 10, 2013 at 8:00 pm: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=536199596404302&set=a.290118391012425.76664.276304652393799&type=1&relevant_count=1&ref=nf
I’m completely loving this pic!
235 Sherry January 10, 2013 at 8:04 pm: You know it’s going to be a bad day when there’s a cat in your vagina……
236 Meegan January 10, 2013 at 8:04 pm: Oh a good chuckle was had at your expense! Thanks for sharing your noisy vagina story. “The girl version of dick in a box”…priceless.
237 Debby January 10, 2013 at 8:42 pm: Laughing so hard I’m crying and the dogs came to see if I was ok. I particularly like Laura’s final response. “…Didn’t even blink honestly…” I am sharing this with EVERYONE I know.
238 T. A. Woods January 10, 2013 at 8:48 pm: Dick in the box and a noisy vagina climbing in the hall. This could make a creepy and hilarious gif.
T. A. Woods recently posted..The Pinspiration Project #18
239 khereva January 10, 2013 at 9:14 pm: In my happy place, Jenny and her noisy vagina are still hiking in the closet, singing “fal-da-REE, fal-da-RAH… ”

And Victor just sits on the couch, head in his hands, wondering how this all came to pass.
240 Donna January 10, 2013 at 9:22 pm: Laughing my a__ off, such a funny story….Love it, LOL
Donna xo
241 knobody January 10, 2013 at 9:30 pm: obviously you’ve trained your phone to use “vagina” in place of any other “v” word. i suggest from now on, you use “vacuum” as a replacement for “vagina.” in fact, i’m going to start doing that myself. right now. of course, since my vacuum cleaner is currently broken, this might lead to some confusion. or maybe it won’t.
242 Heather January 10, 2013 at 9:37 pm: Trying not to laugh because my daughter is sleeping in the next room all I ended up doing was crying and coughing really hard. How can I get this posted to my facebook? I have a few friends that need to see that text fuck up!
243 AMCMBCDragonfly0513 January 10, 2013 at 9:40 pm: And there is the conversation with my soon to be sister in law. We were talking through Facebook
I was on my tablet. She mentioned that she was thinking about becoming a vegan,trying the vegan lifestyle (due to her food allergies). I wrote her back and told her that I would be a vegan with her and that I should be a vegan like her. There was only one problem with this conversation………..my tablet (which I JUST received as a gift so I am still figuring it out) autocorrected the word vegan to vagina. My poor soon to be sister in law thought I was insulting her until I wrote her back as fast as I could type explaining the auto- correct error then she thought it was funny.
244 Christina @ The Beautiful Balance January 10, 2013 at 9:41 pm: HAHAHA this is amazing. Damn autocorrect…mine always changes organize to “orgy.” “I’m busy I have to orgy.” Awesome. Thanks autocorrect.
Christina @ The Beautiful Balance recently posted..Thursday Things 01.10.13
245 TXgirl January 10, 2013 at 9:42 pm: Paraphrased the story to my mom, and pointed out the beauty of having a crappy phone…no autocorrect.

She pointed out that I’d have to use the VACUUM first.
246 Tiffany January 10, 2013 at 10:00 pm: Please submit this to Damn You Autocorrect, this is one of the best autocorrect fails I’ve ever seen! But to be fair, things can get sucked up and lost in vaginas.
Tiffany recently posted..Celebrating a Productive Day
247 K @ SS January 10, 2013 at 10:02 pm: This is what friends are for.
And they remind me of me. A little bit. In the sense that they don’t doubt me when I say something completely absurd. Blessing?
K @ SS recently posted..Cooties aren’t real; like Santa
248 Diane January 10, 2013 at 10:27 pm: I am so not allowed to read this blog at work. Have shared it with my most inappropriate friends. So they can not read it at work, too.
249 Tara of Mad Max and Family January 10, 2013 at 10:28 pm: LOL. Thanks for the chuckle.

-Tara
http://madmaxandfamily.blogspot.com
250 Amanda R. January 10, 2013 at 10:46 pm: Sounds mostly awesome to me!
Amanda R. recently posted..Meeting Nature in the City
251 Cindy aka Yarndevil January 10, 2013 at 10:59 pm: OMG… Thank you… Laughing so hard I’m crying… LOL
Cindy aka Yarndevil recently posted..We survived Christmas….
252 Miss Gee January 10, 2013 at 11:03 pm: You’re lucky you have friends like that!
Miss Gee recently posted..On Super Powers and Decisions.
253 Sita January 10, 2013 at 11:10 pm: War of Pussies?
Awesome
254 Traci January 10, 2013 at 11:30 pm: holy shit I can’t stop laughing …
255 Teresa January 10, 2013 at 11:34 pm: You have GOT to read BuzzFeed’s 25 funniest autocorrects of 2012: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-2012
256 Kim January 10, 2013 at 11:55 pm: I hate when my vagina gets all noisy and attention whore-ish!!!
Kim recently posted..Top Five Reasons that I Hate Facebook…
257 Jeaneane January 11, 2013 at 12:06 am: This in only extremely tangently related, but recently my co-workers and I have seen a commercial airing during our lunch break regarding suing the makers of the Mirena IUD because they can “migrate” out of the uterus. They use a stock photo of a woman sitting on a grassy field looking dejectedly into her crotchal area: we’ve decided that she’s trying to determine the migration path.
258 tazer warrior princess January 11, 2013 at 12:18 am: Damn those filthy-minded iPhones!

Autocorrect ruins lives.
259 Cheryl D. January 11, 2013 at 12:35 am: I hate when the cat gets stuck in my vagina.
Cheryl D. recently posted..I Quit!
260 Sam Whiteoak January 11, 2013 at 1:04 am: My iPhone is so damn uptight and boring! I was so proud when it changed ‘fuck yeah!’ to ‘dick usage!’ I wept…although it did lead me to wonder what kind of conversations the previous owner used to have via text……..
Sam Whiteoak recently posted..The Leg-end of the Hooge Poomah
261 Lisa D January 11, 2013 at 1:16 am: I really should not read your blog while sick. I just had a 30 minute coughing fit after laughing until I almost puked!
262 Nicole(Whole Strides) January 11, 2013 at 1:44 am: Um, whoops! Blasted auto correct….
Nicole(Whole Strides) recently posted..Pear and Blue Cheese Vinaigrette Salad
263 TogathMage January 11, 2013 at 3:01 am: Oh, I so needed that laugh tonight. Thank you.
Now I’m starting to imagine slightly more adult (?) Narnian treks…
264 LoveShorty January 11, 2013 at 3:05 am: LOL, This is just epic! hahhaa, love it! just simply really love it!
265 Luci - mother.wife.me January 11, 2013 at 4:27 am: Oh how I needed that to cheer me up today! Thank you once again for bringing a lighthearted moment to my world!!!
Luci – mother.wife.me recently posted..Open letter to my almost three years old birthday girl
266 Invader_Stu January 11, 2013 at 5:24 am: There is an image I’ll never get out of my head.
Invader_Stu recently posted..Photo Evidence – Train Schedules?
267 Lisa K January 11, 2013 at 5:24 am: Completely unsurprised by your post. Which worries me as much for me as for you!

Also. I wish I could like the comments – so many witty folks up there!
268 Alison from Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Scottish Folk Music January 11, 2013 at 6:07 am: The thing I love is that you saw it and tried to correct it and it got it wrong AGAIN.
Alison from Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Scottish Folk Music recently posted..Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, I walk into Sandy Bell’s
269 Julie the Wife January 11, 2013 at 6:54 am: My vagina is noisy too! Don’t be ashamed Jenny. It’s HIDING Vagina Noisiness that keeps America from talking about it, and therefore understanding it. My name is Julie, and I’m living with a Noisy Vagina.
Julie the Wife recently posted..Age, Incontinence, and Beer
270 Sarah January 11, 2013 at 7:35 am: Thanks to Autocorrect I once told my sister to slap some ointment on that VAG and call it good. I was supposed to tell her to slap some ointment on that CAT and call it good. Why is autocorrect obsessed with lady parts? Something tells me that a man is responsible for this.
271 Josie January 11, 2013 at 7:35 am: I burst out laughing in my college library … got a lot of looks from the other students, and the librarian came over. I showed her your blog … she just shook her head and asked me to keep it down. Which of course made me snicker more.

I LOVE your blog!!
272 Becki Jolly January 11, 2013 at 8:04 am: I have to say that I agree with your friend. I didn’t even think twice when it said vagina. I just thought “That sounds about right”. And I figured your vagina would be noisy. Makes sense.
Becki Jolly recently posted..Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)
273 Cassandra Gill January 11, 2013 at 8:04 am: Between the post and the comments, I’m doing my best not to wake up the still-sleeping in my house! thanks!
Cassandra Gill recently posted..Another Installment About Growing Up With Jarcho-Levin: AD
274 Yfke January 11, 2013 at 8:13 am: THIS POST
I laughed way too hard. Maybe I sprained something.
275 Marisa January 11, 2013 at 8:27 am: What an awesome superpower that would be…you could just walk around sucking up everything in your way with your super strong Vag! And it never loses its suction…like the dyson? That would rule.
276 Nicky January 11, 2013 at 8:28 am: You and your friends were made for each other
Nicky recently posted..I have, not I am.
277 MissyMotherOfFour January 11, 2013 at 8:33 am: BAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA … AAAHAAAHAAAHAAA … HAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA
278 Karen January 11, 2013 at 8:49 am: Dying. Laughing. Oh godddddd
279 J January 11, 2013 at 9:03 am: This is just do beepin funny!!
J
J recently posted..Weekend Jibber Jabber…
280 Geek Goddess January 11, 2013 at 9:06 am: This sounds intriguing. I’m been single too long…
Geek Goddess recently posted..Shambling Along in York, England
281 moooooog35 January 11, 2013 at 9:26 am: Autocorrect changed my text of ‘go wash your mouth out with soap’ to ‘go wash your mammoth out with dorsal.’

I liked it better so I kept it that way.

Confusion ensued.
moooooog35 recently posted..Moving Conversations – Part 3
282 Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom January 11, 2013 at 9:38 am: Yeah, I mean…we’ve kinda grown to expect something like vagina hiking in the closet from you by now, honesly. And with a a stuffed furry woodland creature dressed in a lumberjack costume.
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..The iPotty: Do the Kiddies Need an Apple to Help Them Take a Crapple?
283 WebSavvyMom January 11, 2013 at 10:14 am: –>I want to be added to your group text messages.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Thanksgiving
284 Kathy Lynn Harris January 11, 2013 at 10:26 am: Awesome. It’s like the Vagina Monlogues all over again! My recent autocorrect fun, written to my husband. Was suppposed to be: “I’m am kidding you, beast.” Turned it into, “I’m offing you, beatnik.”
Kathy Lynn Harris recently posted..THIS Is 40, or You Are the Wind Beneath my Bat Wings
285 BethJ January 11, 2013 at 11:03 am: Oh my god, I am so trying not to laugh my ass off at work!! There are tears in my eyes!
286 Alex@LateEnough January 11, 2013 at 11:05 am: comment #5 wins
Alex@LateEnough recently posted..I Am Too Paranoid To Share Good News With My Neighbors
287 Nickie January 11, 2013 at 11:15 am: See…now you’re going to get hits from Google with ” Vacuum Vagina”. I’m sort of jealous.
Nickie recently posted..Why Cosmopolitan magazine is NOT for new moms
288 Farrell January 11, 2013 at 11:33 am: LMAO. That was seriously the funnniest thing I’ve read so far this year. Thank you.
Farrell recently posted..FAIL, FAIL, FAIL
289 Tom Stronach January 11, 2013 at 11:42 am: Is that the new script for the vagina monologue?
Tom Stronach recently posted..CAREFUL!
290 Ari January 11, 2013 at 11:43 am: Sitting at my desk laughing, tears streaming down my face. Co-workers all staring at me. Happily it’s Friday so they know I am fucking around on the Internet and not just losing my mind. Or. Well. No more than usual.
291 Elizabeth Pascoe January 11, 2013 at 11:43 am: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-2012

I laughed, I cried, I hyperventilated, I snorted. All at the same time.
292 Amanda January 11, 2013 at 11:47 am: My cats are too afraid of my vagina’s noise to even get close to being sucked up in there.
293 Patricia January 11, 2013 at 11:53 am: OK, so laughter releases endorphins (feel good chemicals in the brain) and I am now in a major “feel good” state. Every time I have flash backs to the cat/vacuum thing it starts all over again. Have a good day!
294 DragonTears January 11, 2013 at 11:53 am: My phone has kindly asked my husband on more than one occasion to pick up some tater tits… sure phone, tits is in your dictionary but not tots. Balls!
295 Jacki January 11, 2013 at 12:13 pm: This is why I need to pee before I read your posts.
296 Laurie F. January 11, 2013 at 12:13 pm: Oh. What? Yeah, Yeah. Still have the image of the taxidermed/taxidermied (whatever) stuff from your childhood. We don’t get much of that in NY. I had a dream with a lot of blood in it. You are not welcome.
Laurie F. recently posted..Fibromyalgia And Flunking The Sobriety Test
297 AnxietyRobot January 11, 2013 at 12:14 pm: In response to comment #69 (teehee):

Pussy Inception?
298 Kp January 11, 2013 at 12:26 pm: PFFT. Poor Hunter. Imagine the texts he’s sending to his other cat friends.
Kp recently posted..Fabu Feline Friday
299 Sarah January 11, 2013 at 12:40 pm: I did not blink either. Weird. your phone and your friends know you well.
Sarah recently posted..Tidbits
300 Mrs Sergeant Major January 11, 2013 at 12:44 pm: Oh, my. I love your noisy, closet-hiking vagina. Though I imagine the cat is not a fan.
;0)
Mrs Sergeant Major recently posted..Unfettered by the Unpretty
301 Kristen @ The Balanced Bowl January 11, 2013 at 1:12 pm: My autocorrect loves when to change my greetings to my hubby from “Hi honey” to “Hi homey.”

Autocorrect is so much cooler than me.

That’s why I don’t bother fixing it.
Kristen @ The Balanced Bowl recently posted..5 Tips for Eating Healthy at The Office
302 Debby January 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm: you know ya’ll need to make a song a la ‘dick in the box’ about this now, right? That’ll go viral on the internet like you wouldn’t believe.
Debby recently posted..New Year’s resolutions…
303 slapshot January 11, 2013 at 1:18 pm: My autocorrect never does anything even remotely amusing. It only convinces people that English is my second language.
304 Vanessa January 11, 2013 at 1:23 pm: Next time that sad Sarah McLachlan animal rescue commercial comes on, we’ll see a picture of a cat with a sign saying “Was sucked up into his owner’s vagina after a game of vagina chicken.” Cue the sorrowful music.
Vanessa recently posted..Maybe I just don’t understand Christmas newsletters….
305 Euphoria Girl January 11, 2013 at 1:25 pm: My vagina and I LOVED this post! In fact, she can’t stop laughing. I had to put her in the closet.
Euphoria Girl recently posted..I can still recite The Gettysburg Address from memory. Because I’m super cool like that.
306 Brenda B-K January 11, 2013 at 1:28 pm: Since I am sitting here with a none identified vagina infection that my husband blames on a cat hair as he is looking at it with a flashlight, I feel your pain. Hate autocorrect in 2 languages.
307 Samantha Wilde January 11, 2013 at 1:41 pm: Hilarious. And a testimony to the incredible abilities of the vagina, I think.
Samantha Wilde recently posted..Will Dance for Book Sales
308 Cheryl January 11, 2013 at 1:46 pm: My autocorrect said that we were seeing the Christmas lights at “Saliva” Shoals Park. Not Saluda Shoals Park. On Facebook. All my friends saw it.

I hate that thing.

Thanks for the laugh!
309 Sheila Reinhard Augustine January 11, 2013 at 2:02 pm: I thought I was having a bad day… you win!

Just finished your book. It was the best read I have had in awhile. Even my cat’s vagina is happy
310 Lorca Damon January 11, 2013 at 2:15 pm: I would say something like, “You can’t make that shit up,” but then when it really happens and you realize that LIFE just made that happen, it gets eerie.
Lorca Damon recently posted..You’re a Douche if You Kill a Manatee
311 E M Foster January 11, 2013 at 2:43 pm: The girl version of dick in a box. Love it!! Honestly, I think it’s awesome to have friends who get you like that. I have one who gets me like that and it’s a riot when we get together.
312 JR January 11, 2013 at 2:44 pm: Loved this! Really just loved it! Simply stated, I LOVED THIS POST!

Autocorrect posts are the best, especially from actual funny people.

JR
JR recently posted..In case I don’t see ya; Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night!
313 Audra Middleton January 11, 2013 at 4:19 pm: One of many reasons why I don’t text!
314 Annette January 11, 2013 at 4:42 pm: Hilarious even the second time!!!! Maybe I shouldn’t read while working the front desk at work cause it now looks like I am crying….
Annette recently posted..Motherhood at its finest…
315 Robin P January 11, 2013 at 5:16 pm: Don’t feel bad about the cat. Mine once set his tail on fire by sticking it in a candle. …okay, really, he just singed it a little and got melted wax all over it. But really, who’d have thought he would be anything other than terrified of the mysterious heat producing thing?
316 Hstrykid January 11, 2013 at 5:34 pm: OMG. Someone suggested that “vagina vacuum”would have such better results now. Sadly, this isn’t true. Yet at least. Didn’t know that Amazon.com sells a “Pretty Pink Women’s Vaginal Personal Vacuum…” of some kind. I know not WHAT kind since I didn’t expand the link in my google search results, due to the horrible image the title alone conjured up. Is it a toy?? Or a torture device?? If its a torture device, why THE FUCK is it PINK?!?!!

I shudder to think what dreams I’ll have tonight. Thanks for the laugh though!!!
317 Katie January 11, 2013 at 6:10 pm: This seriously made my day two days in a row. My boyfriend and I thought it was awesome.
Sorry about the cat. Mine run for the hills every time I bring out my vacuum, so they haven’t experienced that yet.
318 Vaeru January 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm: Frankly, you didn’t need to clarify that you’re the blue one. I think we would have figured it out. XD

This is why we love you, though.
319 DidiH January 11, 2013 at 6:17 pm: I still come up to this page to get a giggle.. But I just love Chookooloonks answer right off the bat, I mean she knows this can only get worse .. LMAO
320 Punky Coletta January 11, 2013 at 6:19 pm: Too funny! Auto correct can be so embarrassing.
Punky Coletta recently posted..Don Henley Scared Me!
321 sparkling74 January 11, 2013 at 6:39 pm: My only question was going to be what sort of exercises do you do to make your vagina so strong?
sparkling74 recently posted..Smuggy McSmuggerson Has Returned
322 Netti January 11, 2013 at 7:06 pm: I texted my best friend a couple months ago that her best friend was going to kick my a$$ in fantasy football that week. My phone autocorrected it to say he was going to LICK my a$$!!! I think yours is much better though!
323 L.A. January 11, 2013 at 7:58 pm: At least you were among friends. You don’t know the terror of autocorrect until Siri decides it would be funny to send “penis” to your boss.

We need more pens in the office.

WHY IS PENIS MORE COMMONLY USED THAN PENS, AUTOCORRECT?! AUTOCORRECT, YOU’RE A WHORE.
L.A. recently posted..I am “the ladies.”
324 Amy January 11, 2013 at 9:06 pm: OMG that totally happened to me too!!!!

Oh wait…….autocorrect………….ummmm, yeah thats what I meant.
Amy recently posted..11/22/12
325 Kathy January 11, 2013 at 9:46 pm: As I never text anyone (with my shamefully Luddite flip-phone), I laugh SO HARD at autocorrect humor!
326 Ciarra January 11, 2013 at 9:48 pm: I really wish your blog had the Facebook option to “like” your posts! I giggled so hard when I read that that my stitches popped!
327 Keri January 11, 2013 at 11:19 pm: My husband just apologized for getting to this post before I did. You are amazing! Though I think if I go to your next book signing without him there my be issues. xoxo.
Keri recently posted..It’s 2013 and I Resolve to Not Make Any Resolutions!!!!
328 Pat January 11, 2013 at 11:27 pm: I love reading things like this on your blog and then reading all of the comments and realizing I’m not warped…there are people out there with the same sense of humor as me. Thank you, thank you
329 Mishka January 12, 2013 at 12:02 am: Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I just laughed harder than I have in ages…you made my day! I am sorry that your phone betrayed you…but it did make me laugh so hard that I had tears running down my face. I really need it today, too!
Mishka recently posted..Willpower
330 EL January 12, 2013 at 1:39 am: MSdarkstar: your cat avoids the vacuum (sorry vagina). But mine has no tail!!! So her tail can’t get sucked up in the vacuum (sorry, vagina).

I laughed until I cried. Thank you so much. Laughter is good for the soul (sorry, soil).

How come my autocorrect never does things like this. . .?
331 HogsAteMySister January 12, 2013 at 5:54 am: The problem is your phone knows what you are thinking, not what you are typing.

The world is at serious risk.

And we have ring-side tickets.

I love technology.
HogsAteMySister recently posted..Through My Mom’s Eyes (Part Two)
332 2EsMom January 12, 2013 at 11:46 am: After I belly laughed out loud my husband came in to see what was so funny. And then he said it – “So, she has a pussy in her vagina?”
333 Wendy Roberts January 12, 2013 at 12:45 pm: Oh this post caused me to spew coffee! I hope autocorrect never changes
Wendy Roberts recently posted..Everyone should shoot a penis now and then …
334 Tiddy Ferguson January 12, 2013 at 1:43 pm: These are great and your friends’ reactions are priceless!
335 kalieris January 12, 2013 at 2:32 pm: Haha, so I was watching Campion and when I looked up the quote “wild weasels in the wood and whack ‘em and whack ‘em and whack ‘em” the first search result was Wind in the Willows, (thank goodness – if I lose my faith in Google, what’s next?!) and the second was your blog. You are clearly a big name in The Cloud(tm) where weasels are concerned. Go, Juanita, go!
336 MB Fox January 12, 2013 at 3:01 pm: Today’s lesson: reading The Bloggess 5 days after abdominal surgery is too soon…laughing hurts like a sunuhvabitch. Must abstain a few days more…
337 DFM Marlink January 12, 2013 at 3:36 pm: Man, your vagina *really* loves pussy! You shouldn’t stay in the closet on matters like that, no matter how good the hiking is.
338 EL January 12, 2013 at 4:05 pm: It really gives a new meaning to vagina packed. Does that relate to tampons? And how does it work for storage. Maybe while hiking through the closet, you can investigate this with your pussy.

OMG I can’t believe that I just wrote that!
339 Marinka January 12, 2013 at 6:43 pm: Yes, but how is your vagina? I mean VACUUM?
Marinka recently posted..SH! I’m Writing!
340 Sharona Zee January 12, 2013 at 6:57 pm: you’re killin’ me!
Sharona Zee recently posted..I coulda’ been rich…
341 anna January 12, 2013 at 7:07 pm: omg, i can’t believe there is funny that only a select few get via text. now my mind wonders on all that is being left out of this blog.

harumph.

off to hike in my closet now.
anna recently posted..World’s Best Homemade Hot Chocolate
342 Leslie January 12, 2013 at 8:10 pm: I think it’s hilarious that Laura didn’t even think it was unusual! I hate trying to talk to Siri for her to type my texts. I was trying to say Jud, my friend’s husband’s name, and Siri kept typing Jared, Judge, and Jagged. Then I tried to spell it and she typed J You DD. So I tried to get her to type “no matter how clearly I say your husband’s name” and she typed “no matter how clearly Eisai your husband’s name”. Seriously? She can’t get Jud, but she comes up with the name EISAI??????
Leslie recently posted..Bizarre Things No Wedding Planner Ever Wants To Hear
343 Kelly @ In the Mom Light January 12, 2013 at 11:06 pm: I totally had to turn off my autocorrect lest it get me in trouble with something like this being sent to my boss….
Kelly @ In the Mom Light recently posted..Motherhood is Funny, but this Shit is Serious – The Great Debate: Ball Taps -vs- Birthing Babies
344 Calamity Wren January 13, 2013 at 3:28 am: Ok. I am suffering from a serious bout of depression accompanied by its vile companion, insomnia. Or maybe the insomnia is the precursor and depression is the companion. Either way, I was going to sit down and write something that no one else would ever read that was angsty enough that no one over the age of fifteen should write it. Then, I thought, “Hey, stop and check out The Bloggess!” Thank you, thank you, thank you! You, your cat and your noisy vagina were far more helpful than my emo blogging. I know you hear it all the time, but I just have to say again, thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in my mental illness, even when I am alone in the crazy world in my head.
345 Missus Tribble January 13, 2013 at 5:23 am: I love seeing these things on damnyouautocorrect.

Strangely, I didn’t bat an eyelid either, and wondered when Beyonce was going to join the party…
Missus Tribble recently posted..Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, As Told By A Sufferer
346 Jeneral Insanity January 13, 2013 at 5:58 am: That is pretty epic. Or rude of your phone. Depending on how you look at it. I mean, it did tell your friends that your vagina is loud. That’s not any business of theirs unless they’re there, and you can no longer blame the humming on the cat being addicted to show tunes.
Jeneral Insanity recently posted..Why wait until November to be thankful for your assholes?
347 Gill Q January 13, 2013 at 6:57 am: love your blog and book

you might to look at

http://discombobulateddel.blogspot.uk

a kindred spirit maybe!
348 Karen January 13, 2013 at 8:20 am: Honestly, whenever I feel the depression creeping in, I just need to come to your blog and I am instantly laughing and forgetting the darkness. I do find myself opening the closet doors in the house hoping to see a hiking trail, but alas I find that my house is not equipped.
349 Stefano January 13, 2013 at 9:49 am: Maybe you should have a protection grill to cover your V. If a cat can be sucked in, anything else can. Do not underestimate the force of your V; should you loose control of your V. your carpeting would follow pets. Then the furniture, your house. Texas. The North American Continent. And eventually me too, even if I live at some 10.000 miles away. I would have no time to shave, eat my breakfast. And even if I would love to meet with you and talk a little, I would take less the a second to vanish in your V. followed by the entire planet. They don’t call that stuff “black hole” for nothing. Think about that: be smart. Protect your loved ones and the country you live by covering your V. inlet with a grill.
350 Jerimi January 13, 2013 at 10:24 am: Mwahaha! This is still the best place to come when I’m having a bad day, because I always leave feeling better.

Also, when you said “hiking in the closet,” I totally got a mental image of you with your hair back in a braid, wearing a forest service hat, kakhi outfit, and a walking stick, heading off to the closet for a lovely hike. It would be an awesome prank.,
Jerimi recently posted..Week in Review, Plus Links
351 KD Rose January 13, 2013 at 10:38 am: This is the funniest thing I have ever read.
352 Stephenie January 13, 2013 at 11:34 am: Ha! Damn autocorrect. You also have to watch out once your kids figure out how to text. I found out the funny way.

http://justshyofperfection.com/when-toddlers-text/
Stephenie recently posted..Certain Days of the Week
353 Jason January 13, 2013 at 11:39 am: This sounds like an SNL skit.
Submit! Submit!

Jason
The Cheeky Daddy
Jason recently posted..Preparing For A Birthday Party
354 Anne Stinnett January 13, 2013 at 4:40 pm: I think or would be really handy to have a vagina that vacuumed, because then you’d be cleaning all the time without even making an effort. Of course, then you’d have to worry about how to empty the vagina, but it’s bagless so it might not be too bad.
Anne Stinnett recently posted..At Least They Didn’t Stone Me
355 Jolene M January 13, 2013 at 5:14 pm: As the last person I know to get an iPhone, I keep thinking I should turn Autocorrect off, but I haven’t because it makes me laugh too hard. My favorite was when my friend and I discussed the pros and cons of getting drunk the night before having bloodworm done. (bloodworK)
Jolene M recently posted..Stop wielding my name like that
356 Kim January 13, 2013 at 6:56 pm: OH, wow. This just made my night. Honestly – I don’t think anything could fix a weekend of overtime work, sick kids and a cough that’s giving me a headache more than hearing about your cat, vagina, and hike into the closet. I’ll sleep well tonight.

Thank you.
357 Tyra January 13, 2013 at 10:40 pm: OMG I’m ROFL’ing so hard.
358 Denise Malloy January 14, 2013 at 8:21 am: And sometimes it is a flat out typo, like the time I sent my BFF (fortunately) a message about not being able to see my phone screen because I need glasses. I meant to write “I can’t see shit.” Message I sent – “I can’t shit” She still has it on her phone, I assume to blackmail me in the future.
Denise Malloy recently posted..Sign of the Times
359 Shelley January 14, 2013 at 12:09 pm: Skipping words, forgetting words, mistaking words….

Just reminds us how important words are.

It’s a good thing.
Shelley recently posted..Welcome
360 Rachel January 14, 2013 at 1:52 pm: This is like texting with my mom.
361 Tammy January 14, 2013 at 2:09 pm: Holy sh*tballs, that’s hilarious! That should be filed with “material for your next book.”
Tammy recently posted..The Big Reveal
362 Courtney January 14, 2013 at 2:45 pm: I read this out loud to my boss (I cried while reading it because I was laughing so hard) and he said, “It sounds more like pussy in a pussy! How long was his tail?” Needless to say, I almost choked on my cough drop at this point! I freaking love your blog!
363 Experiment BL626 January 14, 2013 at 3:14 pm: Cat in vagina! Fucking hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! XD
Experiment BL626 recently posted..NEWS: strong female characters, reviewing issues, read faster, yaoi freebie, mojito shoe
364 Kathryn Franks aka @Thrushiebaby January 15, 2013 at 12:16 am: http://pinterest.com/pin/28991991323138161/
365 meggy2 January 15, 2013 at 6:23 am: The cat is fine – that’s the main thing. What else matters?
366 Megan January 15, 2013 at 8:47 am: Definitely a case for damnyouautocorrect.com!
367 MelissaS January 15, 2013 at 7:17 pm: Just a thought, could Victor have reprogrammed the autocorrect in your phone to mess with you? Apparently, this is something husbands do and find incredibly funny, according to mine.
368 Woolies January 15, 2013 at 7:38 pm: OMFG I’m dying. I have a horrible chest cold, and I’m laughing so hard that I’m now coughing up a lung.
Thanks!
Woolies recently posted..Valentine Bunny, Eco Kids Toy – Stuffed Animal, Rabbit, All Natural, Eco-Friendly Family Heirloom by Woolies, Ready to Ship by woolies
369 Dorothy January 16, 2013 at 10:31 pm: ohh myy god this is so funny!! hahahah I was like how did the cat end up on her vagina?? lol hhahahahaha that’s totally embarassing! Im glad you shared this one
Dorothy recently posted..Book 3 is coming!
370 Sid January 18, 2013 at 6:16 am: OMFG! Do I love autocorrect?
Sid recently posted..Good News: There’s a Working Untethered Jailbreak for iPhone 5 Running iOS 6.0 / 6.0.2 Firmware
371 Naked Girl in a Dress January 18, 2013 at 8:50 am: I would like to know what type of phone autocorrects anything resembling vacuum with vagina. Awesome phone.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..What I Want for My Children
372 sheri January 18, 2013 at 9:21 am: a real conversation between 2 of your fans:

me: ok
on the 1 month anniversary of her birthday (right?) i’m going shopping
Crystal: that would be yesterday
me: oh fuck
Crystal: ahahaaha
me: i thought it was the 18th
dammit
are you sure?
Crystal: Its the day she came out of my vagina. Sheri. Yes, I’m sure.
373 Teeny Bikini January 19, 2013 at 1:46 am: Friggin’ awesome.
Teeny Bikini recently posted..The Only Penis That Turns Me On
374 Martin January 20, 2013 at 12:33 pm: Hilarious!
375 JJ January 26, 2013 at 9:47 am: Holy crap. I’m lying in bed catching up on your misadventures and trying to laugh silently since RJ is asleep, but laughing silently makes the bed shake which is almost as bad as laughing out loud at 3am. So now there are silent laughter tears running down my face. Brilliantly brilliant once again Jenny.
JJ recently posted..Lamington Cupcakes & Chocolate Fudge Glaze
376 amanda January 26, 2013 at 12:03 pm: Holy ishballs! I just PEED!!!
377 Monica January 30, 2013 at 6:49 am: When I first got my smartphone, I was trying to demonstrate the “Swype” feature it has, to my dad. I pretended to send a text to one of my friends, asking her if she was going to come indoor rock climbing with me and some of my other friends. The autocorrect decided “climax” was what I REALLY meant to say. “Are you going to come climax with us tonight?” Luckily my dad didn’t see it… I told my friend about it and she though it was hilarious.
378 Justina February 17, 2013 at 3:16 pm: You should have put this on “damnyouautocorrect.com” for good publicity
379 Beth March 22, 2013 at 3:32 pm: Victor must love the multi purpose vagina! Does it slice and dice, too? I’m mildly jealous, my autocorrect errors- “oh my spelunking’s getting bad tonight”, and, “I’m on vagina medicine for headaches ( angina)— it’s the big one, Elizabeth!” pale in comparison! I tip my hat and hike in the closet!

Sometimes your friends totally get you. And that’s occasionally a good thing. I’m not entirely sure in this case.

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