Conversation with Victor when he came home from a business trip:
Victor: Jenny. Seriously?
Victor: “What?” There’s a dead fox on the wall. That’s what.
me: And she looks awesome. And technically it’s a coyote. Honestly, you should have seen her before the makeover.
me: She was significantly less foxy before the wig, makeup, false eyelashes and assorted accessories.
me: She turned out so awesome that she decided to take a bobcat lover.
Victor: And that explains the dead bobcat on the wall.
me: I haven’t figured out his back-story, but I suspect he speaks with an English accent and says “biscuits” instead of “cookies”.
me: But he’s a passionate lover once the hat come off. Which it does. Mainly because I don’t love it and I’m still looking for a better hat. This is his third hat. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy does not have a face for hats.
Victor: I’m going to bed.
me: Someone called earlier but I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was working on Mr. O’Shaunnesy and so I just hit “speaker” with my elbow and yelled “I CAN’T PICK UP THE PHONE BECAUSE I’M SUPERGLUING A MUSTACHE ON MY BOBCAT.”
Victor: Who was it?
me: I dunno. They hung up on me.
me: I’m sure it was a telemarketer. Anyone who called us on purpose wouldn’t be shaken by that kind of a greeting.
Victor: One day when I run for congress this is all going to be very hard to explain.
PS. On a surprisingly related note, a ton of you have asked if I’ve been watching Immortalized on AMC. I have, and I’m a little in love with Takeshi Yamada, who makes me look totally normal and makes “hairy trouts“ (which are –surprisingly– not sex toys). It’s even possible that I might get to be a guest judge next season, which would be awesome because in my mind all the AMC shows are shot in the same neighborhood and that means that I could probably just sneak over to the Walking Dead lot and beg them to let me be an unpaid background zombie. EVERYONE WINS.
PPS. Vaguely related: These are auctions I’m currently fascinated with on eBay. Most are older than I am and one has been through some sort of terrific fire. They all look as if they’ve just been shocked with a passive-aggressive surprise party given by everyone they’ve ever cheated on.
I have a problem. Someone stop me.