Um…Ow. Have you tried just rubbing them? Because they’re only going to retreat further if they see that coming. And no, I don’t care if you did “warm it up in the oven first”. Put it away, asshole.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.
The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest.
Wonder and Joy for the Wired and Tired: Feeling wired, tired, and stretched too thin? You’re not alone. Re-ignite your sense of childlike wonder, joy, and well-being with this enlightening and entertaining book by Dr. Pam Stephens Lehenbauer, well-being thought leader and author of the blog, Mother Nature’s Apprentice.
Stuff and Thangs from Xanaru: A mostly funny stuff about my quest for happiness through stories, art, friendship, Great Danes, one naked weirdo alien cat and indiscriminate swearing.
How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.
Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic
Sunday Comics With Cooper and Fitz: A light-hearted comic strip about two sibling felines and their life with their adopted family: their relationship is complicated but hilarious, and navigating life with humans adds to the fun.
Guilded Monocle: Hand-assembled writing kits to lure your muse back from its side quest. Two paths always included: one structured, one wandering. Every pairs with a prompt if you’re in the mood — if not, be as feral as you wanna be. No yoga voice here, just a judgy mutt named Rory.
The Museum of Regrettable Spreadsheets: Somewhere in your organization is a spreadsheet where the colors mean something and nobody remembers what. The Museum of Regrettable Spreadsheets would like it for the collection. P.S. The Curator also does web hosting and data cleanup. Restoration is available. Exhibition is not mandatory.
Hear This! A Twisted Tale of Sonic Torment by Jon Hébert.: A musician’s darkly funny memoir about hearing damage, porcupine ants, Satan managing Heaven on the weekends, and duck stuff. Seriously messed up stuff about ducks.
Kate Caraway: An old-fashioned blog wherein your proprietor dwells on whatever inspires a sense of wonder (or horror): books, history, adventures far and near, gardens, Halloween, miniatures, soup tureens, old timey murders, barns full of faces. Join me, it’s weird but cozy in here.
Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.










Extract them from where?
I’m a bit frightened, and wondering who would be buying this and disposable plastic vaginal speculums. Put the two together and I am pretty sure that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
I agree, Mark. Why would *anyone* be buying plastic disposable speculums when the old-fashioned metal ones are so much better for the environment? Love the planet, people.
I clicked on “share your own customer images” with eager anticipation!
And got nothing 🙁
That’s hot.
I think somebody should use this on Ann Coulter though.
Groowwwwllll, I think I need to go tell Kevin about this! (Where the hell do you find this shit anyways?)
HA! I clicked over thinking it was going to be some kind of La Leche League device for moms with inverted nipples, and… no. Or hell, considering the sadistic, snotty, superior hag I got for my La Leche Lady, maybe it is. Although maybe that’s not necessarily a home improvement.
I just woke up. I’m punchy. I dunno.
Oh dear god! WTF?
I’m new *waves* and very scared at the moment. Make it stop.
Christina – It only hurts more if you resist.
okay, I totally had to Google to find out the REAL use
Only 2 in stock – ORDER SOON! whhhuuuuut the fuck!?
i have small nipples (or maybe my ungodly huge boobs just make them look small) but never in a million years would i try this shit…
great, i’m going to be holding my boobs all day now, reassuring them that everything is ok
Finally, your true warped sense of humor comes out.
Welcome to the rest of the world!
OMG – these must be popular if there’s only 2 left! I clicked on the comments there and they are hilarious!!!!
Who knew?
okay. amazon.ca only sells books, cds, videos & games. I used to be kind of mad about that, but now I am SO greatful.
where does this stuff come from?? and who, for the love of god, is out there buying this stuff??
Again, you always have the best closing lines. Snort.
Speculum is one of those words that make me curl up into the fetal position and clamp my va-jay-jay shut.
The word “marriage” used to do it to me too……
Marnie, don’t start talkin’ vajayjays…the comments will take over the blog.
Is that thing for HUMANS? Or barnyard animals?
Best comment on amazon: Tried it out at my last family reunion. Some of my relatives have no sense of humor.