*whimper*

in Giant squid phobia

FuckFuckFuck. 

Okay, if you live in California, please begin dumping large quantities of arsenic in the ocean now.  If you need me I’ll be cowering under my desk. 

28 thoughts on “*whimper*”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I saw that this morning and wondered how many nightmares it would cause you in the near future. My condolences.

  5. Oh noes! I think your stapler could definitely be a spear gun, if you sharpened up a couple of pens to shoot from it or something. Get ’em in the beak, they hate that.*

    (* I have no idea how to fight a squid, I feel like this should be noted.)

  6. How can a jumbo squid be invading a bay?

    I mean, isn’t that their domain?

    Or does man really always get first dibs everywhere?

    Take heart Jenny…he’ll never make it around over here. I mean, what are the odds he knows about the Panama Canal? Plus, really the only danger is to people who go looking for him by diving and the success level of the fisherman’s catch.

  7. mmm… fried calamari…

    WHAT? it would be GOOD. just imagine: battered, crispy goodness the size of your head.

  10. Hmmm… has it occurred to anyone else that the guy who wrote this study is named Zeidberg, which is suspiciously close to “Zoidberg” – the lobster-esque doctor on “Futurama” who has squid-like tentacles around his mouth?

    Could these just be minions of Matt Groening, poised to take over the world? First the Simpsons movie and now this!

  14. I’m on it. Will industrial pesticides work? Cuz I was going to just dump those in the neighbor’s orchard otherwise?

  15. they look kind of like penises. squid=penis, penis=squid. now, resume your sexlife.

  17. Diesel – Industrial pesticides only do damage over generations and frankly I don’t have that kind of time.

    Very Freudian, Thelma. I’m not sure if that reveals something about me or about you.

    HMFT – You are dead to me.

    Fucking Zoidberg.

  20. You should have seen it up close and personal.

    *shudder*

    The naked cavepeople exhibit was equally as horrifying. No photos of that one, no ma’am.

  21. The Naked Cave People. I think they’re a cover band. They have a hit called “Jenny and the Squid.” It’s a Freudian thing.

    Funny but “penis” is NOT the sexual organ that comes to mind when I hear the word “squid.” That would, of course, be “the human brain.” Because as everyone knows the brain is the biggest sex organ of them all.

  25. “That would, of course, be “the human brain.” Because as everyone knows the brain is the biggest sex organ of them all.”

    not on one guy I dated, Chuck. I wouldn’t let him get that thing near me. we’re talking join a side show and charge admission, freak! tattoo it and call it a totem.

  27. We are going to have to reprogram you to quit talking about squid

    I don’t think I can take it anymore, either.
    I don’t even like to say it Squid.
    Say it six time. It’s horrid.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Hailey wrote a 10 minute play for school called Happy Fun Times and it won the audience choice award last night! So proud of them.
My doctor is ghosting me.
May we all have as much joy as Dorothy Barker when the treat drawer opens.
Dear anonymous stranger who left this for me: you saved me right back. Thank you.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Coolest American Stories 2023: If you want a book of unputdownable, unpretentious, full-length short stories, we got ya covered. Our 2022 volume went to a 3rd printing; readers are singing this volume’s praises, too.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Just Another Meat-Eating Dirtbag: A memoir: ‘A charming, often hilarious look at how love is actually the worst.’-Tom Hart, author of the NYT bestseller Rosalie Lighting

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

A Thousand Miles to Graceland by Kristen Mei Chase: The journey of a thousand miles begins with sequins and a beehive wig in this funny and tender novel about Mothers, daughters and the surprising power of Elvis.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Feely Human Collective: A space for the big-hearted, the highly sensitive, the activists, meaning makers, and mental health advocates. A space to grow and grapple with the wonders of empathy, vulnerability, and emotional curiosity and be seen in all your beautiful wholeness.

Stix Yarn: We live in the beautiful mountains of Montana, sell gorgeous yarns and unique fabrics, and offer lots of opinions on the best ways to get the most out of said mountains, yarn, and fabric.

Quantum Possum: an inclusive, neurodivergence-affirming graphic novel taking readers on a wacky & frequently sidetracked adventure through Cosmic Bog, helping creatures in need and including everyone in the fun.

Acrylic Diva’s Online Painting Class: paint yourself happy from the comfort of your home. Stress free, easy art instruction with a seasoned professional artist. It’s the most fun you can have in your pajamas. Really.

Paris Writers: Join best-selling novelists Laurie Frankel, Ann Garvin, and Lauren Grodstein for a week of practical information – and inspiration! – in Paris this summer.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

PillTimer: No ads, no tracking, no math; just simple, no-nonsense medicine tracking for iPhone and iPad.

Green Heart Guidance: Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., is an international psychic, intuitive and medium who helps people heal from physical, spiritual, emotional or sexual illnesses and traumas.

Thanks to Her: Finding Power and Inspiration in Your Family Photos Discover how American women (and your own relatives!) kicked ass between 1900-1950. Remember: Yes, she did … And so can you!

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

%d bloggers like this: