Naked blogging

Two weeks ago I asked for others to share their honest, naked stories with me…those thoughts that were difficult to write and even harder to publish.  I could never have expected the amazing, emotional and above all, human stories that would turn up on my cyber-doorstep.  One such story shocked me…both because of it’s subject matter and because I would never have expected the author, a strong and compassionate woman, to have come from such a terrible past.  I guess we are all deeper than any of us will know.  She sent me her story but asked that I not share her name.  Here is her story:   

I got married at age 20 to a much older man.  I’d lived in the same town all my
life, so when he got a job halfway across the country, I was thrilled and terrified
at the same time.  We moved over the Thanksgiving weekend and it was the beginning
of my isolation from my family, from having friends, and from having a husband,
frankly.  He didn’t like me talking to anyone.  Didn’t like me calling home.  But he
had dreams of money, so I did go to work, doing stuff I was familiar with.
Meanwhile, he began an affair with a co-worker and rarely even spoke to me.  He
expected me to cook his meals, clean his house and put on a good appearance, but he
wasn’t really interested in being my husband.  And I think he actually wanted me to
be his mother, not his wife.  I eventually had a brief fling with a co-worker
myself, but felt so horrible about it that I ended it very quickly. 

One night, out of the blue, my husband asked me if I’d ever cheated on him – and I
said yes.  What had up till then been (as I know now) emotional abuse escalated to
include physical abuse.  Any excuse to hit me and I wound up with bruises that I had
to hide when I went to work.  Then he made me quit my job.  My isolation was
complete.  If I went to the grocery store and it took more than 30 minutes-bam.  If
dinner didn’t include a meat, some kind of potato, and a salad-bam.  Some friends of
his stopped by and stayed with us overnight on their way to somewhere else.  I went
out to the kitchen in my bathrobe for some water and when I got back, he accused me
of screwing his friend (in 2 minutes????), slammed me against the wall and hit me
until I hit the ground.

I was angry.  But I had no outlet and no way out and fighting back never even
occurred to me.  And one day, I snapped.  He was watching football and drinking beer
and told me to get him another one.  I did, then went back to the kitchen, took out
a very large knife, and left.  I wasn’t sure what I was doing.  I couldn’t really go
against him.  I thought about killing myself.  But I wanted the world to hurt as
much as I did – so I started walking.  Heading for the nearest shopping center,
where I would take out as many people as I could before killing myself.  This was
back when all those guys were shooting up McDonald’s restaurants or cafeterias
before committing suicide.  I absolutely understand them.  Show the world how much
pain you’re in, then leave.

I was foiled by kindness though.  Saved by an evangelist, of all people.  Larry
Jones, of Feed the Children, saw me walking with that big knife and stopped the car.
I actually knew the guy, having worked on his TV programs, but he could have kept
going, could have pretended not to see me.  I sure didn’t see him until the car was
stopped and he was getting out of the car.  He offered to help.  He talked to me and
listened to me and it was the first time I ever told anyone what was going on.
After I was talked out, he asked me what he could do and I told him to take me home.
He was against it, but now that it was all out, I could think.  I could make a
plan.  And I did.  It took a while, but I finally left.  I explained why and told
him that if he came after me, it would be the end of him.  And like a lot of
bullies, he backed down.  I was only fun when I cowered.  I had told someone else –
my dad.  I told him I was coming home and that if I didn’t call
him at X time, that he was to call the police and tell them exactly what was going
on. 

I don’t know if he’s still alive even.  Once I’d made my stand, I never really heard
from him again.  We got divorced, my father accompanied me back to collect some of
my stuff.  I heard that he’d moved back to my home state, but he never contacted me.
I worry sometimes that he’ll figure out where I am, that I’m happy, that I have a
kid.  He already has told someone that I ruined his life.  I am afraid that he will
try to get back at me, try to hurt me by hurting the people I love.  But I lessen
those odds every day.  By learning to fight back.  By teaching my son to fight back.
By including my husband and my brothers and the people I love in my life and my
activities.  None of us will be victims again.

And there you have it, Jenny.  My secret is that at one time I wanted to kill people
for no reason other than they weren’t me.  Yep.  I was nuts.  I’ve had counseling, a
lot of time has gone by, and now I am happy.  I’m thankful that that is not my life
anymore.  I’m thankful that I didn’t have kids with him.  I am grateful that I am
alive, that I love, that I mother, that I contribute.  And really, I couldn’t ask
for more than that.

If you would like to share your naked story, please leave me a link in the comments.  All will be shared at Mama Drama on Monday.
 

35 replies. read them below or add one

  1. The power of the human spirit constantly amazes me.

    Thank you for sharing this with us, Jenny, and to the author — thank you as well.

  2. Wow. That took a lot of courage on the author’s part to share that. I hope she has peace now.

  3. Thank God she got out.

  4. Very powerful. If only all women in these same situations could get out too.

  5. Wow. It was very brave of her to share. What a story. What a strong woman. I’m so glad she got out of there. Thank God for Larry.

  6. Oh wow. That’s an amazing story. It really makes you think about what life can do to you. Ultimately, she turned out to be a very strong, courageous woman.

  7. I’m speechless. What a story to share, to let other women experience. I only hope others can find the strength to leave just as she did.

  8. Wow…what a story of survival.

    You need to file this under something besides “random crap”…it doesn’t seem to fit either…maybe “More than meets the eye”.

  9. That is truly an amazing story. The writing style had me feeling it with her. Thank you Jenny for starting this, and to the Author, thank you for sharing. That could not have been something easy to share.

    I agree with Robin as well. It really should be labeled something else. I like “More than meets the eye” or you could just start a “Naked Blogging” one too…. depending on where you plan to share the rest.

  10. what an amazingly courageous story. what an honor to share in it. thank you both.

  11. wow…

    interesting that you say you would not have expected it from such a strong and compassionate woman. often it is the difficult experiences themselves that nurture those qualities. she makes absolute sense to me.

    to the author: much gratitude for your candied and honest comparison to what i call , with all due respect, the “cafeteria crazies.” i, too, have always felt a deep understanding and (perhaps alarming) empathy to the likes of andrea yates. not because i have felt an urge to kill my children (in fact, i have none) but because i know the depth of an unexplainable pain and hopelessness that has a mind of its own. we are not here to judge.

    all my best to you… and thanks, bloggess, for your sensitivity in sharing the story with all of us.

  12. aw, shit. candied, candid, you get the idea…

    see what happens when pms meets bit o’ honey?

  13. I agree, the default tag of “random crap” doesn’t fit at all. Just changed it.
    Thank you guys so much for your feedback.
    The author just emailed me and I thought I should share it:
    “I am always amazed at the understanding of women. Even if they haven’t gone through
    it, I guess they can imagine themselves there once they’ve grown up a little. I
    wish I’d been able to imagine myself there when I was young – perhaps I’d have been
    better prepared and had an easier time dealing with it.”
    Amen, my friend. From your lips to (hopefully) the ears of the next generation.

  14. Author – You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you and I don’t know you.

  15. I am in tears. That was so powerful. Thank you, author, for your courage.

  16. I am rendered absolutely speechless. I am truly grateful – for her and for those unknowns she *didn’t* meet that day – that Larry Jones and she crossed paths. Another piece of evidence that there is, indeed, a God.

    ~EdT.

  17. What a powerful story.

    I’m glad for whoever shared this. It’s easy too judge what we see in the news or read in the paper….but now the other side has a face too. To whoever this was, thank you. Also, you are an extremly brave woman.

    Thanks for doing this Jenny. I hope you’re feeling better.

  18. Wow, the author is very courageous and I wish her peace.

  19. The past is an awesome concept. It takes you to hte present, makes you who you are … most have no idea hwat brought us to today.

  20. To the author:

    Thank God you got out. I wish you didn’t have to go through all of that, but you are a much stronger person because you did. Because you went through it and stood up to him, I don’t think he will ever come back, and even if he did, you have the strength and backing of friends to stop him.

    May God bless you and keep you. Sharing your story will help others who have been there or are there now.

  21. Both of you have done justice by telling the story. Others will benefit by reading it!

  22. That was amazing she had the courage to write it, but the even more strange thing is that there are quite a number of similarities in that story and my own life long ago.

  23. Wow. Thank you for sharing this. It took a lot of guts.

  24. naked blogging is the best.

    What amazes me the most is out of all the stories, how so many pieces of each of them applied to me. I could have been so many of those women.

  25. Wow, amazing story.

  26. These are incredibly powerful. Like Margaret, I’m shocked at how much I can relate to so many of them. Almost every one of them brings me back to a moment of my own life. It’s like we’re all being taught these life lessons, but with sometimes slight and sometimes major variations in how we’re being taught. I find it really interesting that reading these makes me feel more connected somehow. They also remind me that we are all much deeper than we may appear. We all have our own skeletons in the closet and we’re all fighting our own demons.

  27. My story is no where near that dramatic, but I can’t bring myself to post it. I’m not ready just yet. Maybe one of these days.

    To the author: Thanks for sharing. I can’t imagine how much courage that took. I’m very glad you are in a better situation now.

  28. 🙁

    I feel sad, but happy that she is out of such a detrimental situation.

    I have a secret, nowhere near as sad, nor brave… but I am not yet ready to talk about it as some of my family members read my blog and I think I should share with them first before posting about it.

    I forgot to say in my last comment that I hope you get better very soon. xx

  29. What a touching story! Thank she got out alive and was able to work though it. That is one amazing woman!

  30. I am new to your blog. Going through the archives and loving your candor and honesty.
    I have a story. I’m placing it here even though the time has come and gone for whatever it was you were doing with stories…

    http://ahandfulofsand.wordpress.com/2010/10/01/just-dont-read-this/

    Thanks for Being here woman.

    Alexandra recently posted Just don’t read this.

  31. P.S. It was the woman’s story above in your post that inspired me to share some personal sh*t with the internet people. I’m 40 years old, happily married, no kids (…that I know of 😉

    Alexandra recently posted Just don’t read this.

  32. 33
    Lady Penelope

    Wow.
    Raw and powerful.

  33. I know of a few women going through the same pain from ruthless husbands. I may have been too late to read this and the author might already be the happiest today, I just want to say I am happy for her bravery and for saving her life.

    Thanks! <3

    monalisachong recently posted Marriage and Annoying Behavior (It’ me, Not him).

  34. People always wonder why I always tell my abuse story. This is why. Because we women are strong enough to leave, and others need to know that they can do it too. Because there is so much more waiting for us out there.

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