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Thanks for the zombies, Jesus!

Conversation Victor and I had in the car:

Me: Oh my God, did you see the name of that cemetery?  “Resurrection Cemetery”.  What a terrible name for a cemetery.

Victor:  It’s because they believe in the resurrection of believers, dumbass.

Me:  Still.  Some things just shouldn’t be resurrected.  Just what we need is a bunch of damn zombies wandering the earth. 

Victor:  Yeah, that’s not “resurrection”.  That’s “reanimation”.

Me:  Same difference.  Although I guess “Reanimation Cemetery” would be slightly more disturbing. 

Victor: It’s not the same difference.  Zombies are reanimated, but they don’t have their previous mental capacity so it’s not a resurrection.  Technically it’s “zombification”.

Me: Well if you want to get all technical, then how about vampires?

Victor: Um…they’re fine? 

Me:  No.  I mean, vampires have their “previous mental capacity”, thus by your logic they are resurrected.  They might as well name it “Jesus-Is-Bringing-Back-Vampires Cemetery”.

Victor:  It’s not the same thing because when you resurrect someone from the grave they aren’t undead.

Me:  No, they are TOTALLY undead.  That’s like the very definition of the undead.

Victor:  No.  A vampire is undead.  The resurrected aren’t undead.

Me:  I think you don’t know what “undead” means.

Victor:  I THINK YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT UNDEAD MEANS!

Me: God, calm down, Darwin.  Don’t get all crazy just ’cause I threw a vampire monkey-wrench in your faulty zombie logic.

Victor: *sigh*  Look, there are all sorts of exceptions you aren’t considering.  You can reanimate someone without making them a “zombie”.  For example, you can just bring them back simply to perform a task.

Me.  Yeah.  And that’s called a zombie.

Victor:  No, because they wouldn’t crave brains.  They’d just have a job to do.  Look it up.

Me: Oh I will look it up.  I’ll look it up in “The Dictionary Of Shit That Doesn’t Exist”. 

Victor: *glower*

Me: I wonder if this is the weirdest fight we’ve ever had.

Victor:  Not even close.

Comment of the day: A quick google seach on resurrection and reanimation turned up that “There is a difference between resurrection and resuscitation, or re-animation. Resurrection refers to putting on a new, glorified body, while re-animation, or resuscitation, mean raising the person in the old, mortal body in which they died.” (ref)  So zombies are re-animated, vampires are undead, and Jesus and Meredith Grey were resurrected.  As for the comment I saw about zombies being made up – the brain-eating in films was made up, but they’re based on voodoo, just like in other films such as Weekend at Bernie’s. ~ Cyniclite

Updated to add: I just realized Meredith Grey never got a glorified body, so she was just resuscitated. I should have said Jesus and Robocop were resurrected. ~Cyniclite

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