Conversation between me and my husband:
me: This girl on my Ask the Bloggess column spelled “lamblasted” wrong.
Victor: What?
me: Lamblasted. You know? Like when someone verbally stabs you? She spelled it “lambasted“.
Victor: That’s because it is spelled “lambasted”.
me: No. I’m pretty sure it’s “lamblasted”. Like, you got blasted with lamb. That’s how violent it is.
Victor: It’s lambasted. Look it up.
me: I don’t have to look it up. It’s lamblasted.
Victor: It’s lambasted.
me: That doesn’t even make any sense.
Victor: And lamblasted does?
me: Yeah. It’s like, you got yelled at so bad it was like you got blasted.
Victor: By lamb?
me: I didn’t make up the word, dude. Maybe “lamb” is latin for “kicking ass”.
Victor: Here’s a dictionary.
me: Holy shit. I’ve been saying “lamblasted” wrong for 32 years.
Victor: You’re 35.
me: Yeah, but it’s not like I was saying “lamblasted” straight out of the vagina, dude.
Victor: You think you were saying it when you were 3?
me: I was a very precocious child. I’ve been mispronouncing “lamblasted” since I was a toddler. That’s how advanced I am.
Victor: Don’t talk anymore.
me: Whatever. I’m still calling it “lamblasted”. My way sounds better.
Victor: That doesn’t surprise me. You still can’t pronounce “voluptuous” right.
me: DUDE. It’s voluMptuous. Because it’s full of volume. THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE.
Victor: Yeah. You should probably learn another language so you can fuck that one up too.
me: Problemly.
Victor: Um…what?
me: Problemly. It’s a word I made up for when you’re probably gonna do something that’s problematic. Problemly. It’s totally the next big word.
Victor: There’s something really wrong with you.
me: Yeah. Problemly.
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On a totally unrelated note, my friend Neil demanded that I contribute a carol to his annual round-up. It’s short, I swear.
*UPDATED*: Okay, I just looked it up and apparently “Lam” is Icelandic for “to beat soundly“. “Beat Soundly” = “kicking ass”. According to my math? I just won.
Comment of the day: Dude, your way totally makes more sense. Maybe that’s the way it was originally spelled and then some guy was like “You know what? It is just way too convenient for words to be spelled conveniently… let’s change shit up!” And then “voluptuous,” “lambasted,” and “potlach” were born because apparently that guy was really influential. I’m not even sure “potlach” is a word… I saw it on my boyfriend’s cell phone yesterday because his phone started beeping and I wanted it to stop beeping, so I hit “ignore” on his calendar reminder for a “potlach” which probably means “potluck,” but I can’t be sure because we never ended up going to whatever a “potlach” is because I forgot to tell my boyfriend about how I ignored his calendar reminder for it. For all I know, “potlach” could mean “death camp.” I probably saved us. ~ Allie