This morning someone asked me why there are 12 days of Christmas. And honestly, I have no fucking idea. So I decided to google it and then I stabbed myself in the head. Why? Because I don’t want to live in a world where so many people are asking Google ridiculous questions that Google is all “Oh, stop right there. I already know exactly what you’re going to ask”. And you know what, Google? You obviously don’t know what I’m going to ask if you’re jumping to these conclusions:
And yes, Google, I realize that this is less of a judgement that you’re making about me and more of a result of the hordes of dumb people using you but maybe you could wait until I finish the question before you jump to some horrific conclusion about what I’m asking. Or not.
Honestly, at this point I was a little offended. But I kept going, thinking that this would eventually have to stop.
And now I’m just baffled. Where on earth are there so many ostriches that we need to google it? I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that after reading that all I can think of is that it would suck to live there and I couldn’t concentrate because I couldn’t stop wondering why this was even a suggested question and so then I had to google “why are there so many ostriches” just to see what would happen. And then *BAM* I just became part of the problem. WTF, me? And you know what I learned? Nothing. It took me to this web page about ostriches where I learned that ostriches have been clocked going really fast. Direct quote:
“It had probably just huffed a cheetah kitten (sends you through a psychedelic wonderland at like a kajillion mph and ur not even halfway there. Despite this ability to run like the wind, the ostrich cannot lay claim to performing what any fast running bird-like creature ought to be able to do – take-off. They have fat asses and abnormally small brains but they are kinda smart. This inability to pass from the running stage to the take-off mode is considered to be a design fault that may lead to the eventual extinction of this oversized dodo. They are kinda smart, but DO NOT, DO NOT, let an ostrich kick you, it will completely FUCK YOU UP. IT WILL SHATTER ALL THE BONES IN YOUR BODY AND MAKE YOU BE PITYED BY MR. T, THUS INCREASING THE INJURY. DO NOT GET KICKED BY AN OSTRICH. I AM TELLING YOU, IT WILL FUCK YOU UP.”
So yeah. There’s that.
PS. I still don’t know why there are 12 days of Christmas. I don’t even care any more. I’m going to lie down and cry now. Someone fix Google.
Comment of the day: I started to Google ‘I like’ and the following came up: “I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger”. Preaching to the choir, my friend. Preaching to the choir. ~ moooooog35