Conversation with my husband:
Victor: Look at this video. It’s about a company that invented a tool that lets you drive using only your mind.
me: Awesome. I’m so glad we’re making such huge advances in the field of driving-a-car-without-hands. It’s good that the scientists have a new priority now that they’ve found a cure for cancer.
Victor: The concept is pretty cool. You can drive all the way to work just sitting there.
me: They already invented a tool for that. It’s called a bus.
Victor: I think I want one. You could drive yourself to the grocery store and learn to play the flute at the same time.
me: I would kill myself in about 8 seconds in that car. What about all the times you think about driving off the edge of a cliff? Does it compensate for that?
Victor: Who the hell thinks about driving off a cliff?
me: Um…me. And everyone.
Victor: *
me: You don’t imagine –for just a second– about driving off a bridge every time you drive over one?
Victor: Why would I do that?
me: Because it’s human nature. Everyone does that. You never actually do it but everyone thinks about it.
Victor: Well I don’t think about it.
me: Well then, maybe there’s something wrong with you.
Victor: Maybe there’s something wrong with me because I don’t think about driving off cliffs on a regular basis?
me: Or because you want a car so you can play the flute. Neither of those are particularly normal.
Victor: Okay, first of all, the flute was for you. Secondly, I think there’s something really wrong with you.
me: Probably. I like how in the video they’re all “Don’t try this at home” because that disclaimer is totally the only thing keeping me from driving my car with my mind right now. I mean, that and the fact that we’re out of brain sensors.
Victor: Just stop talking.
me: If I was driving a brain-car I’d make it go to Taco Cabana all the time and you’d be all “Where are we going? We don’t have time for this” and I’d be like “I’m not doing it! It’s the car. It must want enchiladas” and then I could get enchiladas all the time and you couldn’t yell at me about it because you couldn’t prove I was doing it on purpose.
Victor: When have I ever yelled at you about enchiladas? WHY IS THIS EVEN AN ISSUE?
me: You’d totally yell at me if I suddenly veered off to get unexpected enchiladas. That’s why I’ve never even tried it. Because I know you. But just wait until we get our mind-control car. There are going to be unexpected enchiladas everywhere.
PS. Then Victor said that I just proved that I can’t be trusted with a mind controlled car, which was kind of my point to begin with. I win. Except now I totally want enchiladas and I have no brain-controlled car to get them for me. Touché, scientists. Way to create a demand.