If it's Tuesday this must be Houston

I’m still on tour and I’m in Houston today so come see me if you can!  (Tour details are right here.)  If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best of series.  This post was from 2011…

Remember last week when I wrote about the sign I’d put up on my neighborhood bulletin board?

This one:

Well, I checked today to see if anyone else had responded to it, but IT WAS GONE. It had been taken down, presumably by someone who hates snake reunions and happy endings. It was disconcerting.

Luckily, I knew the perfect place to ask for help:


UPDATED: The missing sign lasted less than 24 hours before vanishing. It’s a losing battle, but it’s a losing battle I’m willing to fight. Mainly because I work from home and have an entire ream of copy paper at my disposal. I can do this all damn day, vandals.

162 thoughts on “If it's Tuesday this must be Houston

Read comments below or add one.

  1. OMG! That is funny. I have been reading your bloggs all morning! Love them…Started my day off just right. Read ” pick your battles” to my husband this morning….he cracked up laughing. 🙂 Thanks

  2. A sign within a sign within a sign…and we thought Inception was new! You clearly got there before. LOVE YOU.

  3. It’s a veritable Escher tessellation, only way funnier. Thanks for the morning snort. (Of laughter.)

  4. Heh, one of my very favorite posts of yours. Did you ever find Snakey’s family… or the stolen sign? I am deeply concerned for both. LOL!

  5. I loved this post. Bitey snakes… heehee. Now you’ll have to excuse me as I need to go to Barnes & Noble to buy this Audiobook that I’ve been looking for – Let’s Pretend this Never Happened. I hear it’s got some funny outtakes. Maybe you’ve heard of it? 🙂

  6. The best part “this is why its important to put collars on all of your pets”. A snake with a collar, awesome.

  7. So much fun. And I hope you are having so much fun on your whirl around Texas! They must love, love, love you there, home girl!

  8. Oh, Jenny, this still makes me laugh! I’m waiting for your book…………Amazon says it was delivered last night, but it wasn’t. But then their website says sometimes the delivery people mark it as delivered even when they really didn’t (WTF??). My husband is promising to stalk them until it comes so I can concentrate on studying for finals–I really think he’s promising it just to keep me quiet because all these exams are pushing me a little over the edge (because I am the insane kind of woman who goes back to school at 40+)……….it has to get here because the way I am going to celebrate the end of finals is that Thursday I am going to bundle all of my kids off to school and go back to bed with your book. (And definitely some chocolate………..and maybe a drink……………..) Ok, more studying now!

  9. Couid you just sprinkle some of your DNA from a crop duster every now and then? The world would be a much happier place.

  10. Love this from way back when! It reminded me of David Thorne when I first read it and I know we both love HIM! Happy Trails on your book tour!

  11. Good morning, Jenny! I finished the book last night! What. A. Blast! Remember (sure you do…) that I said I used to be crazy and that you would be fine? Well… turns out you already are! Yeah.. I know. Great news, huh?

    I am absolutely in love with your willingness to be yourself. (“I’m not like anyone.” **sniffle** I think a few of us are kind of also in love with Victor. What a wonderful man and worthy sparring partner….)

    Okay.. you MUST let us know if any of your former friends/neighbors/acquaintances/snobby toddlers on a diet moms show up for your book signing. Shoe’s on the other foot now, huh? (Okay, I don’t even know if they’re wearing shoes but I’m sure you get the picture….) **fucking amateurs**

    God bless Barnaby Jones Pickles. My condolences.

    I less than three you. <3

  12. I would love for you to be my neighbor. That would be the awesomest. And are you heading up north? I’ve noticed you are only going to warm states for your book tour which really is genius but still, we rust belters are people too…who want to have you sign our book…and stuff.

    Damn I sound like a stalker. Really I’m not.

  13. I too have reams of paper and live in the desert….Oh the possibilities. My husband will not like this idea, but one must have a little fun.

  14. PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE do another signing in Houston. I want to come but I can’t today 🙁

  15. love your blog. love your book! my husband had to keep shushhing me last night because my laughing was evidently disturbing his ability to watch Diners Drive-Ins and Dives.. go figure.

  16. funny again the second time around. and you were AWESOME last night in san antonio. we love you jenny!!! :o) and sorry for being a bumbling idiot. i was a little starstruck.

  17. That one just never gets old. I think I read it like 10 times when it was up the first time. ALL DAMN DAY VANDALS!

  18. I wish I had half your creativity!! I’d be published by now instead of trying to get my brain to focus on one project at a time. I soooo have writer’s ADD!! 😀

  19. I am only 5 chapters into your book and love, loVE, LOVE IT! My Grandparents and two aunts lived on farms in Ohio and for whatever reason my parents always thought it would a good idea for us, my sister and I, to spend weeks with them during the summer. So, I guess what I’m implying is I can relate to some of your childhood. But other than being forced to do my cousins chores, milking a few goats, playing with the barn cats, building hay forts and riding around on a three-wheeler… I got nothing. But your book is wonderful! Thank you for sharing your life and for continuing to do so! Have fun on the rest of your book tour!

  20. I still love this post. It makes me wish we had neighborhood bulletin board. I would put one up myself, except where I live, the sign where you post signs would go missing…

  21. I bought your book for me, me, me (almost all the other books I buy are for others). My daughter tried to steal it from me to read, just like the last two Harry Potter books, but I hid it and outwaited her as she had to go back to college. heh, heh, heh. Mom FTW.

  22. SO, you’re book came in the mail yesterday and it couldn’t have showed up at a more perfect time. I LOST it yesterday… not that I ever truly had IT, whatever IT is, but I lost it. I think I cried for a few hours straight and ended up throwing up from making myself so sick. And then my husband came home with a package in hand for me. It was your book! FINALLY! A bit of sunlight on a dark stormy day. I already added my bookplate to it… but it’s not quite the same as if I could come meet you on your book tour. Sadly, you’re coming no where near me. Seriously… Nashville is like a central location… I can drive to so many places in just 4 or 5 hours… St. Louis, Atlanta… Please consider adding another stop to your book tour so I can meet you. 😉

  23. I’m willing to set up surveillance to keep watch on the sign. Mostly because I am a believer in justice, but partly because it’s Tuesday and really? I’m already over this week.

  24. i love how it says “he doesn’t answer to anything, he’s very angry”. i lost it reading that!

  25. You’re very good at trying to reunite people/animals/inanimate objects. You should moonlight as a reunioner or reunioneress. Whatevs. By the way, can you please try to reunite me with my self-esteem? I lost it somewhere at the gas station when I ripped my pants (at the crotch) and children in minivans laughed. Please.

    Avoid the Best Western on Dallas Street. It may be haunted. With ghosts without a sense of humor.

  26. Still funny love it very much! I wish I was closer I would have loved to be all fan girl, and sneak you wine slushies, cause that is the kind of fan girl I am.

  27. I finished your book, and got time off to come see you in Miami-ish! I also ordered a Copernicus shirt and wrote on the back “I <3 the Bloggess" YAY! I hope your marker has enough ink! : )

  28. I loved the lost snake post! Thank you very much for the ‘best of’, they’re making me chuckle all over again.

  29. This might be one of my very favorites and after the uber-$hitty day I am having, I really, really needed this smile. Thank you!

  30. I’m driving 2 hrs to the signing today because this shiz is funny and, you know, my town doesn’t have any cool indie bookstores like Blue Willow that do this kind of thing.

  31. Hilarious! I am definitely following you. I mean your blog. Not in a stalkerish way.

  32. Your book came in the mail the other day. I love it but I can only read a few pages at a time because I can’t breath for laughing. Turns out it’s not great bed time reading. On a tangent I also had a raccoon. He often poured everything down the bathroom drain and hid in cabinets. You might walk into the kitchen only to have the silverware drawer slide out and see his little face peaking up at you. Thanks for the book and the laughter.

  33. I do not want to know the tight-ass that is taking down these super-helpful posters of yours.

    They sound like a real party of rotten potatoes.

  34. Was reading your book on an airplane yesterday. Pretty sure the TSA was alerted that an unstable person was on the plane and to have security ready when we landed. Was cracking up. Same thing happened at the hotel bar where I continued reading although the bar tender and waitresses are now all ordering your book after I read a few excerpts to them. Do I get a commission??

  35. you are so wonderfully broken. thanks just for being yourself, honest, it’s like a gift to us other truly screwed up human beings. like a club. i mean as much as an emergency ward is a club i guess, but a club nonetheless. hey check that out, i got to use “nonetheless” in a sentence. I’m going to try another one:


    Ahhhhhhh. that was nice.

  36. Tee Hee — I actually went looking through your blog archives for this post after reading the chapter in your book “Hairless Rats: Free for Kids Only” — it’s classic. Love the book – love you – xoxo

  37. I have never commented before but Im so glad you shared this post. I forgot about it and remembered I laughed so hard the first time, and after reading it again I laughed so hard. I’ve already read it several times over again in the last 30 minutes just so I can laugh some more. It’s just one of those posts that is so funny to me and will get me laughing every time. Thanks and write more posts just like this! Haha. I’m going tomorrow to Barnes and noble to buy your book. Very excited.

  38. A friend and I are coming to the signing tonight. So flippin excited about it!!

  39. This is, hands down, one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. For realz.

  40. This is my # 2 favorite post, my favorite of course is also about snakes but might involve a deathmatch of some kind.

  41. I remember when this one came up! I’m laughing out loud…again!
    Still loving your book.
    Ready to drive from Delaware to Houston for an autograph.

    …also, your book smells good.

  42. I will be there tonight. But won’t get to meet you. See the bookstore is requiring purchase of your book from their store. I smartly pre-ordered mine and have it already, with signed bookplate.

    My problem is my husband is being such a “Victor” and won’t let me buy a second copy of the same book with the same signature in it. I even told him a weasel could sign in your place. Still a no-go.

  43. Hahaha. I always loved this post and it is still funny. Do you sell t-shirts that say ‘Not missing? Irony.’ because you should.

  44. I’m pretty sure Wil Wheaton took your sign….Did you get a look at him collating…yeah…I’m sure he took it! Wil Wheaton is crafty!

  45. Can’t wait to meet you in Austin tomorrow night! I’m dragging my mother along (since she has a growing collection of metal yard art bought-on-the-side-of-I35 in her front yard in the Texas Hill Country {two large metal palm trees, one to-scale armadillo, a large state of TX emblem attached to the front of their house, and one 3′ wall-hung gecko). Mom does not yet understand the significance of attending your book signing, but I haven’t shown her your post for Beyonce yet, either. My Mom also collects mouse skulls.
    Thank you for your book! I plan to read excerpts at the dinner table while visiting the folks this weekend and replace all cuss words with ‘fudge’ and ‘sugar’.

  46. I had to post a similar missive when someone absconded my Malcolm Reynolds action figure from my desk last week. My Jayne and Wash figures were not amused.

  47. This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Hope your book tour is going well. Thank you for making me laugh.

  48. Still the funniest thing you’ve written. Except Beyonce. Except Juanita. Except Will Wheaton. Except Copernicus. Except everything you’ve written.

  49. appears the tour is going well – lots of pens, lots of fans, lots of weirdness, good good good.

    I got my copy of “Let’s Pretend…” last week – so excited!!! 😀
    Only sad thing was – no bookplate?! My husband got it for me – he pre-ordered as instructed from a link on this site, but still no signed bookplate :-((((( Your book tour is tooooo far away for us to come for an in-person sig ……… sigh. What would Beyonce do? Oh and we’ve found her long lost distant PA cousin – and yes, that is the way in which the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania refers to itself! P-f’n-A. Knock-knock…..

  50. That was just as funny as the first time I read it. If I lived in your neighborhood I would check the bulletin board every day

  51. This is just too awesome for words…

    I once got lost and hugged people with my mouth… I ended up arrested. That snake was lucky.

  52. Damn, that’s as funny as it was the first time!!

    And just so you don’t forget…TOMORROW IS AUSTIN. Yes, you’re in Austin.

    And I’m gonna be in line. With my crazy ass friend who is probably gonna have a damn cat on her head or something.

    But I’M THERE. Actually…I could be in line now. Uh, huh. You just never know.

  53. “Gives hugs with mouth.” I’ll be laughing the rest of the night. Now I wish our neighborhood had a bulletin board.

  54. I call hoax on the whole thing.

    When do you ever see a bulletin board posted with a series of notes that all contain proper spelling and punctuation?

  55. You are fucking stupid funny. No really, I don’t mean stupid, but you are funny. I cannot deal with it!!! Love you! XOXO

  56. I just started your book yesterday because I was about knee deep in a series and couldn’t find my way to pause it.

    I have laughed so hard I have hurt! I have shared your Rambo soap story with countless people and they have since gone out immediately thereafter and bought your book for themselves.

    I just read, “It’s just that…Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?” I lost it. It’s happened to my tiny hometown too. I didn’t know how to word it. Thank you for giving words to my emptiness. It’s a sad thing, not being able to show your child where you grew up because it’s doesn’t exist anymore.

  57. Jenny! I am a huge fan, and have never commented before. But I must say I have read your entire blog, multiple times, as well as your book now, which I completely loved. Never ever stop, please? Your insanity compared to my insanity, while apples to oranges (or whatever the hell that means), at least makes me feel like my life isn’t completely a farce. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I’m honestly too exhausted from raising children and dealing with chronic pain to write (and I’m not a writer either, makes a big difference, not everyone can be a blogger), so yeah. I rambled. I’m sorry. Thanks again for the smiles.

  58. OMG…… My pre ordered book was delivered today! I’m so excited! Can’t wait for a few days off work so I can read it. I think this is the most excited I’ve ever been in my life to receive a book. Is that funny… or sad? I say its just wonderful!
    Love you, love your blog, can’t imagine not loving the book. Wish you were coming to Greenville, SC so I could have you sign my copy!

  59. I hope to win a copy of your book. I would enjoy being inspired. Thank you, Martha Staton

  60. Oh my gosh…I seriously just got through bent over laughing/crying for the past 3 minutes. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog, and was the first post I read. Love it!! 🙂

  61. Loved meeting you tonight. You are even more awesome in person. Despite what you said, you’re not just funny in writing.

  62. So glad to meet the woman behind the blog! It was like in Wizard of Oz when they see what’s behind the curtain except you were totally nice and sweet and I just want to say thanks for doing what you do because you are inspiring!! Yours was the first book signing I’ve ever gone to and it was great to see you, Juanita and Copernicus!

  63. Not only is the post HILARIOUS, but I love the title. A reference to one of my favorite movies of all time. Thank you for validating me.

  64. The first time I read this, I laughed ’til I cried. This time, I laughed until I snorted and the entire office wanted to know what I was doing. Thanks. Thanks a lot for ruining a perfectly good afternoon of pretending to work.

  65. I haven’t laughed to the point of tears in a very long time, and I’ve done it twice since I was introduced to your blog. This particular made my family think I had lost my mind! Thank you!!

  66. Initially I thought I was suffering from de-j-vu, then I wondered if I was having another precognitive episode but a quick google showed that you’d posted this thread before on 4th October 2011.
    Now I feel cheated out of a superpower 🙁

  67. Still love this one, and I still think that’s my brother’s handwriting on the “that’s why it’s important to put collars on your pets” comment. ‘Fess up, Steve! I know it was you.

  68. I showed this to my 9 year old daughter because I thought it was hysterical and she loves irony. After finishing reading, she looked at me and asked about the author, “Is she a grown up?”

  69. I showed this to my 9 year old daughter because I thought it was hilarious and she loves irony. After she read it and laughed as I’d hoped she would, she looked at me curiously, “mom, was it a grown-up who did that?”

  70. I am now forbidden to read your blog in bed. And your book. And textsfromlastnight.com. And peopleofwalmart.com. Although while the sheer number of things I’m prohibited from doing in bed is declining, the quality of the things i do get to do in bed remains quite high.

    it’s exactly what you think it is, but get your mind out of the gutter. honestly your gramma would be aghast. AGHAST I TELL YOU.

    so there’s that.

    Nearly forced into laugh induced labor at 33 weeks.


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: