Depression lies

I’ve had a lot more emails than usual about depression/anxiety, which I think means a full moon is coming or possibly that we’re all on the same psychotic cycle because I’ve fought my share of demons this month myself. Β In fact, today I had a monster of a panic attack that made me think I’d never come back out. Β It’s not so fun to write about so I made a video to send to people asking me about it and I thought I’d share it here in case you needed it. It’s long and unedited so feel free to skip it if you don’t have mental issues.

On a related note, you can make a free DEPRESSION LIES bracelet by clicking here (video instructions included). Β Make one for yourself or a friend.

We’re all in this together, y’all.

572 thoughts on “Depression lies

Read comments below or add one.

  1. We are all in it together and the best thing for it is friends and laughter!!
    You supply a lot of that!!!
    “When you find yourself going through Hell, keep going”

  2. I wanted to tell you that my husband had a panic attack the other night and because I read your blog and recently your book, I was able to empathize with him better and help him handle it better. Hearing the honesty and “logical explanation” from you about how it felt and how others’ reactions made you feel was a huge help. I feel anxiety and panic myself but never a true panic attack.

  3. So it’s not just me? My depression has definitely been messing with me the last few weeks. Thanks Jenny, as always you’re an inspiration.

  4. I have it too. Add a cherry on top called Palendromic Rheumatism: much like RA) and you have my life in a nutshell.
    But I must remember I have friends & family and a son, all of whom love me no matter what. Plus, I know that this too shall pass…
    Love you Jenny!! Your book is amazing!

  5. Bipolar Type II in the house. THANK YOU Jenny for speaking so honestly and openly and bringing LOVE, not stigma, to the discussion of mental illness. Also – be gentle with yourself. Even the most awesome of times and accomplishments can be huge triggers for our kind. πŸ™‚

  6. You are an unbelievable woman. Even in the midst of your own fear, you look for a way to help others. Bravo Madame Bloggess. You kick big fat ass!

  7. I didn’t watch that. I just wanted to tell you that you went to college in San Angelo at the same time as the one I refer to as my “crazy ex.” And since you were both gothy outcasts, you probably knew at least of each other. Now I’m only 2 degrees from you.

    Katy Del

  8. Depression sucks. I have my own bouts with it. I get what they call “depersonalization” sometimes where I feel like I’m not in my own body. Had it since I was 10.

  9. I don’t know how you have done all that you’ve done. The book and the tour would overwhelm me to the point of fetal position in a dark closet.

    I got “love,” in the languages of my ancestors tattooed on my arm because of the “To Write Love on Her Arms” movement. I try to look at it to remind me of hope and love, but sometimes, the depression and anxiety still get the better of me.

  10. Sometimes, even though I know it’s a liar, I can’t help but listen to it. It’s been one of those days. Thanks for reminding me. Maybe I can quit listening now. Nice to know I’m not alone.

  11. I actually just linked tour depression video on my last blog. You have no idea how many times I’ve watched it when I felt like giving up. Thank you.

  12. I just keep swimming. I have the depression under control but the anxiety is about to get me.

    I need to change drs. As mine believes no meds at all.

    Love you, Jenny!

  13. Thanks for this post. I was deep in it last night. It is hard to remember that depression is a lying bitch, when depression is winning.

    Thank you for putting it out there. It is nice to have a place to come and cry and relate.

  14. Good for you for speaking out. I applaud your strength and honesty. You are going to start hearing from tons of people whom you have just helped. Your heart will thank you, as do I. xoxo

  15. I needed this right now. I think i’m going to make the bracelet and put a post it over my laptop saying “I’m glad i’m broken” – Thanks!

  16. It absolutely sucks that you have to be dealing with this now, when you should be celebrating the awesome success of your book. Hang in there! You have no idea how many people are rooting for you!

  17. I also suffer from Depression, anxiety. I have been really honest with my friend and family about it and I’ve had a lot of friends ask me about therapy because they wondered if they should see some one but were too scared. I always tell them, think of therapy as a spa for your brain. After you talk you feel cleansed, renewed and a little freer.

  18. You are so lovely. I found your blog last week and have spent so many hours reading your archives and being amazed by all your highs and lows. What has really struck home to me are your posts about anxiety and depression. I’ve suffered from depression for over 20 years, but what’s new to me is the anxiety, which I started getting about a year ago and has become more and more crippling to me. Just reading about your struggles has reminded me that I’m not alone. I took myself off medication seven months ago and I now realize that I just don’t think I can function much longer without it – so I’ll be getting myself back to the doctor soon. You are brave, thank you for reminding me that I can be too.

  19. Right there with you! Depression been kicking my butt lately…. helps to know we are all in this together!

  20. THANK YOU!!! When I finally got on anti-depressants I realized what “normal” felt like. For decades I was depressed and didn’t know what was WRONG WITH ME! Then I discovered that nothing was “wrong” with me. I just had to find the right meds and adjust to a different kind of “normal.” Again, THANK YOU! You are a true inspiration to the rest of us struggling to just get through the day without having a meltdown. πŸ™‚

  21. Thanks as always for speaking out! I don’t suffer too badly, but I have friends who do.

  22. One step, One breath at a time! Keep looking forward, the only thing behind you is satan with a dagger in this claw!

  23. I wish I could stop believing it when it tells me that nobody wants to hear my problems and it would rather I just check out than burden them.

  24. Given everything that you have done in the past few weeks, it’s not surprising that you had a panic attack. Look at you have done these past few weeks, book signings, meeting so many people, speaking in front of crowds and you have from all accounts done so with confidence, poise and grace.

    The demons lie and you have done more than many people will ever do to help others.

    Stay strong.

    BTW, this might help… http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2012-04-30/doctor-who-fans-here%27s-your-chance-to-own-a-tardis

  25. I’ve fought both depression and anxiety, myself. And I’ve lost a couple of friends to depression. It definitely does lie but it’s so hard to remember that in the throes of it. Keep fighting! We’re all rooting for you!

  26. I have to keep reminding myself of that – DEPRESSION LIES.
    I dont get anxiety to go with it, instead I get scared of the world.
    I’ll get there. So will you.

  27. I wish I had your courage…I work retail rather than trying to do something I’d really be passionate about.

  28. My Depression Vampire reared its ugly fucking fanged head last night right at bedtime. I was up all night and nearly useless at work today, bursting into tears at everything. I know Depression is an evil liar and it feels good (??) that others know that too. Thank you for your honesty, Jenny. You’re beautiful.

  29. Also, I love that you equate taking behavioral health drugs with diabetes or heart meds. This is something I tell people ALL THE TIME who are all “No it means I’m broken, taking the drugs is a weakness”.

    Thank you. I adore you. I must remember this video the next time my depression hits and I worry about my husband taking care of my broken down body in 30 years and think that I shouldn’t stick around.

  30. I listened to your book recently. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I absolutely loved it! It is witty, kind, warm-hearted, and has many laugh-out-loud moments. I am sad to have finished it. It’s like when a best friend comes to visit and then has to leave. I definitely will be listening to it again.

    And the portions about depression are so painfully honest, and for that, you deserve all the happiness life has to offer!

    Well, you deserve that anyway. I am impatiently awaiting the next book! I am wishing you all the happiness in the world!

  31. I’ve been saying all semester that there has been some bad juju in my part of the world. Everyone I know who struggles with these issues–myself included–has been having a tough time. Sharing the lifeboat with others who struggle makes the paddling a little easier; it’s nice to put down the oars for a bit.

    Hang in there, Bloggess.

  32. Hey Jenny (and everybody else who likes to read & post here). Yeah I’ve been there too. Damn thing is one day I got better. Ok, I’m still an utter whack job, but I’ll certainly say this: I’ve gained tremendous empathy for people in this situation. If you’re being treated, please please stay with your doctor. If you’re having trouble please please seek treatment, things can get better. It isn’t any shame to ask for help and things can only improve. But you have to seek out the help. I don’t want to dish out advice because I am in no way qualified, so please don’t ask what the heck made me get better. I honestly don’t know. Time I guess, and the cycle had a chance to break.

    Anyway, much support to you and wishing you well.

  33. I have suffered with 24/7 anxiety and severe panic attacks for over 20 years. I’ve tried everything western to heal. It hasn’t worked. I have turned to Traditional Chinese Medicine and gone meatless and I rarely have panic attacks now. It has to do with digestion, in my case but I think most anxiety is connected to the gut.
    It is so amazing that I still don’t believe the relief. I don’t even carry my Xanax any more. Hate that stuff.
    Hang in there Jenny!
    Love to you.

  34. “…feel free to skip over if you don’t have mental issues.” You’re so cute! πŸ™‚

  35. I’m a psychiatric social worker and work mostly in the ER. Thanks for the website, I had never heard of it.

  36. I do think there’s something going on, because I had a big ‘ol crying fit today myself. Could be that my husband’s been working for two weeks straight, or that I’ve only really slept about three of those nights, or some combination of the two. Here’s to hoping everyone wakes up on the right side of the bed tomorrow morning, or at least a slightly brighter side.

  37. Man, something must be in the air. I had a really bad panic/crying attack today too. And now I’m crying like a little girl from the message at the end. Good tears, though, I think.

  38. So very brave.

    I come here so often for your wit and leave having seen your heart. Brava.

  39. I love the way you finished the video. “Don’t leave.”

    You’re the best. Thank you for helping make it OK to talk about mental illness.

  40. I love you. You make me furiously happy. As a mental health professional, I want to share this with everyone. Thank you.

  41. Also…I may need to bookmark this to remind myself…I am very broken, but people do love me…for whatever reason. I think it may be because I can drive a five-speed…

    I’m passing this on to the people I love…so they can either get a better grasp of how I feel, or to keep them from leaving.

    Thank you.

  42. You’re the best for bringing this subject up and sharing what you feel with everyone. I’m sure that it will be a huge inspiration to a lot of people who really look up to you! πŸ™‚

  43. “Don’t leave” is just what I needed to hear, so I’m saying it back. Don’t leave.

  44. I know everyone’s saying it, but it bears repeating: You are amazing. Absolutely amazing, and I am in drop-dead awe of you. I haven’t got a third your balls with far less problems, so — let me say it again. AMAZING.

  45. One of the biggest lies of depression is that it should be shameful and hidden. I recently went to a prayer session at my church (not as kooky as it may sound—no snake handlers or anything like that!) just as moral support for a friend who wanted prayer for a broken leg. When someone asked to pray for me, I ended up telling three different women about my struggles with depression, anxiety, and resulting sleeplessness, and I received prayer from each of them.

    And you know what? Nearly everyone is very respectful of people who admit stuff like this. It’s so hard to tell other people about depression and fears, but often they admire you when you do. So I think you are awesome, Jenny, to write so much about it and tweet it and make videos about it, because it’s totally counter-intuitive when you’re in the thick of it (at least it is for me). We’re all behind you!

  46. So glad to know that you are out there believing in all of us, who fiercely believe in you too. I needed this today, it feels like a life preserver tossed in a raging sea.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing yourself with the world and helping to light the way for all who feel lost. you are truly amazing!

  47. What helps? Chocolate (Dementors=Depression). The right prescribed antidepressant. Sunshine. Bruce Springsteen or U2 at top volume. MOnty Python. Vitamin D–highly recommended by my shrink. We are all likely VERY deficient, and I have found that since I started taking 50000 IU per day (doc’s orders, not just something I made up), my overall anxiety level is MUCH better. Rest–just enough, but not too much. Some quiet time, but not too much. Breathing exercises.

  48. You’re right, people are scared of what they don’t know and of what they are unable to fully comprehend.
    I like how you said you’re glad you’re broken. We’re all broken. Some in some ways, some in others, but we’re all broken.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration. It’s hard. So thank you.

    And I won’t leave if you don’t leave. Deal?

  49. I had horrifying panic attacks for over a year. Then it turned out that some of them were caused by the very medication that was supposed to help make them go away. And what sucked is that as soon as my life straightened out and calmed down, that’s when they got worse. It’s like the panic attacks don’t want to let you go. They would even startle me out of a sound sleep, and then I’d be up for hours googling stuff all night because I couldn’t sleep with all the heart palpitations and anxiety.

    Depression does lie. So does anxiety.

    Hang in there…we’ve got your back. We also have chocolate. Oh and Xanax, too.

    I wonder if they make chocolate-covered Xanax…?

  50. Yeah…maybe it is something in the air. Today wasn’t a good day for me either.

    By the way, and I’m sure you’ve heard this 1 brazillion times already, I love your book. I’m sorry I missed you when you were in NYC.

  51. Love to you, Jenny. You’ve done *SO* much for others and karma will bring goodness back to you.

  52. Amazing, amazing post. You are amazing and inspiring and such a grounding voice for so many people. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly and honestly. Don’t leave.

  53. Thank you for posting this. I will add your video to a long list of things I read/watch when the depression hits the worse. There is a quote from Shakespeare that my writing professor told me about when I told him about the depression I’ve been dealing with. It is, “Give sorrow words: The grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”

    Depression and anxiety need to be vocalized. Thank you for being strong enough to tell the truth, even when I am unable to.

  54. I LOVE that you continue to help others through this. It is so important to get help. It took my kids getting old enough to need to be socialized more for me to finally drag my ass in and ask for meds for my social anxiety. Talk Therapy + meds, and it’s still tough, but it’s manageable. We ARE worth it. All my love Jenny, keep doing what you do girlie.

  55. I have been thinking about this for the last 4 days. Better make that all consumed. I placed in a national art contest. I expected them to notify me that they’d made a mistake. I’m still obsessively checking my inbox.

  56. What has helped me recently has been being 110% honest about my depression. I’ve been lying to myself about my problem and hiding it from my friends, which has made me feel more isolated. Saturday, when my mood was at my absolute low, I talked to all my friends, told them I was having a bad mood day and they were there for me. Especially for young adults, the stigma of mental illness is slowly breaking apart and being honest about having a problem is okay. Those who love you and care for you will understand you’re just sick and will pick you up when you’re down.

    I also pull myself out of bed, put on make up (to make me feel pretty) and look in the mirror and tell myself that what I’m feeling is a lie. I am a great person with great potential. I am not alone. This becomes my mantra on those days and shut my brain up from trying to lie to me.

    Jenny, you are awesome for having the courage to speak out and to give the rest of us courage. You are my hero.

  57. I just wanted to add that I love what you have to say but for the life of me, I can’t make it past the point where you say the people around you (me) want you (me) to be there (around 9:30-ish). Makes me cry every time I try to watch the whole video. No matter whether or not I feel my depression is under control through meds, I feel I’ve let everyone I love down. I don’t like attracting attention to myself and feeling like people are focused on my mental health is even worse. I love my partner and our daughter and don’t want them to suffer because of my issues. Bluh. Just bluh. Anyhoo, love your book!

  58. That was a moving and beautiful video. I’m sending the link to a friend who is suffering. Don’t leave us!!!

  59. This video is SO important. You have done so much for so many people. So, if you are tired of hearing how brave and amazing your are (seriously who ever gets tired of that?) then just hear it one more time. Loving someone who suffers, it was a long road to fully understand what you have just said. I wish I had heard this years ago before it was under control. You are making a huge difference. Be proud.

  60. Darn you, you made me cry.
    “You are important” – I think thats almost as important a message as “depression lies”.

    My saving grace has to be my friends. I have several who, if I am having a bad day, I can call them up and we will go out for coffee or whatever, and they will work their hardest to distract me, and make me laugh. Once I am laughing, the day feels better straight away.

    Even though I had a really excellent day yesterday, and a not-bad day so far today, I still needed this. Thankyou.

  61. thank you, Jenny.
    I keep telling myself to “keep pushing forward” even when I’m frozen, unable to get out of bed, unable to go to work, and eventually, I’m able to rise…..even if it’s late in the evening. At least that awful feeling of fear and anxiety has passed.

  62. THANK YOU for reminding me that it’s not just me. (And now that seems like a terrible thing to say “Thanks for being miserable so I’m not the only one who’s miserable.” But I think you get what I mean.)

  63. So true! We all serve a pupose here and we all matter! I must say that you have helped me gain the courage to talk to my doctor and realize I have PMDD which isn’t as bad as full blown depression but it really REALLY sucks! I was put on cymbalta and found out it didn’t just help out once a month it helped all the time. I didn’t realize how I angry, sad, just moody I was all month long until the pills kicked in and I felt clear headed. I would go month after month where I would have bad days and open the phone book and just sit with my head in my hands telling myself to call then not call because “I can get through this.” I could but I suffered for it and eventually it started to effect my husband and children and I needed to do it for them too. They didn’t deserve my attitude and neither did I AND NEITHER DO YOU dear reader. Talk to someone, anyone and everyone until you get help! Life can get better.

  64. Depression is a lying liar who lies. No matter what depression says, DON’T LEAVE!!! Thanks, Jenny, for being you.

  65. I <3 you. And now I'm even more pissed that I didn't get to hug your neck in San Angelo because I was too busy crying in bed.

  66. Thank you Jenny. You may have saved someone tonight. Not me. I’m dealing. But someone somewhere may have been as touched as I was watching this. You are so loved.

  67. You are amazingly beautiful. Thank you for being you.
    Have you seen Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Talk? Quite fitting for you, I think. <3

  68. Thank you. I have some serious health issues and have always dismissed some things as being related to those issues. The last few months things have just been off and your video made me start looking into things and it turns out that I could be suffering from severe depression and anxiety issues. Going to bring it up at my doctor’s appointment this week. You are wonderful!

  69. The amount of kick assery that you have just displayed can never be matched. You will always be one of my greatest heroes Jenny Lawson. You’re amazing and I love you girl!!

  70. Love you even more Jenny, you are not alone! Been there done that, got a T shirt… is a daily struggle to breathe sometimes but I’m working on it. Hope you feel better soon too. Keep up the good work maybe if ppl who like you see that this is a struggle for you, they won’t judge others around them who have the same problems!!! God bless your heart and your broken mind. Sincerely Melzora L Towne

  71. Thank you. Thank you for being the amazing person you are and thank you for sharing your truth, which so often can be a terrifying endeavor. I’ve suffered deep loss as a result of untreated/poorly treated depression. Someday I hope to be brave enough to share my story without the shame. You help me get there. Thank you.

  72. You just accomplished an incredible book tour. That is freakin’ amazing! Your book is awesome. I have an anxiety disorder and struggle with it in a daily basis. So the fact you were able to publish the book AND promote it just inspires me. None of us is perfect and we’re all doing the best we can. The important thing is to keep doing the best you can, even on the days your brain is lying to you. Take care. <3

  73. Jenny,
    I will play this for Alice tomorrow…there is something in the air…you are right.
    Thank you and please remember…Don’t leave.
    M

  74. Thank you for posting this, Jenny–you are so right (speaking as a fellow anxiety/depressive/you name it)! Thank you for reminding us that our brains are not always right; it can be so hard to separate fact from fiction when in the throes of an attack, as you mention. And your blog & your book, etc. give me–and I’m sure many others like me–so much hope and inspiration, because you demonstrate such a good balance of acknowledging the stuff you can’t help (like your struggles today, may they pass quickly), while at the same time forging ahead in spite of them. I think I would go hide in a closet before I would be able to go on book signings or on interviews–I am in awe of your courage! Thanks again.

  75. I just wanted to say thank you – for this video, for your book, for everything.
    I’ve suffered with anxiety disorders my entire life, and it’s hard. But knowing that there are other people out there with similar problems, who are able to work through them, gives me hope.

  76. Thank you for the video, sweety… I have a few things that help… ativan, of course… and sean beeson’s album on itunes ‘ivory dreams’… and also i found a company that makes essential oils that get to your SPIRIT, go to doterra.com and sign up, they are an MLM company, sorry about that lol but it’s the best way for them to get word out on their product… i just signed up as a customer to get discounts, so i can’t sign you up under me i don’t think…

  77. Jenny,
    You rock! Thank you for being so honest and so open about your battles with mental illness. It’s honestly made it easier for me to deal with depression too.
    I have to say that the depression closet was probably the harder closet to exit for me.
    And I was just curious…. are you aware of any men that provide such a strong figure of surviving all this crap? Or are we proving ourselves the weaker sex again in not being able to step up to the plate?

  78. Recently dx from depression to bipolar. My team of doctors and therapist are changing my med cocktail and every day I feel broken or damaged but I am so glad you are still here and I am still here! Keep fighting these nasty cycles.

  79. I think maybe you’re getting more emails about this because people are reading your book and realize that the way you feel resonates with them. Your bravery and honesty in discussing this stuff so openly is inspiring. Look at everything you’ve accomplished, you’re extremely inspiring. I think a lot of people recognize you as a kindred spirit, with whom they can speak very honestly.

    Also, I totally feel less crazy when I read your stuff! /compliment!

  80. I think you are amazing. I am lucky to only suffer from mild anxiety, which is controlled by medication. Watching your video, I know without a doubt that you are relatable and truthful. An awesome combination. Thank you for being you, broken and whole.

  81. You are amazing. Completely amazing. Thank you for sharing this…I’m sure it wasn’t easy. As someone who struggles with depression on a monthly basis, I can understand a bit of what you go through. (((HUGS)))

  82. Thank you for being so open about your depression and panic and self-harm. One of the lies my depression tells me is that I am the only person who feels this way, that I am broken and that no one will ever understand or love me because of this…and knowing that someone else hurts the way I do makes it easier for me to fight that feeling, that awful “wouldn’t the perfect world be better without broken you?” feeling.

  83. I’ve had depression before, but lately I’ve had a lot of anxiety, too (the last couple of weeks involved hiding in the bathroom at work and having panic attacks… I LOVE my job, so it’s not that?) Reading your blog and book at least helped me recognize what was going on. That was a big help! I’m not dying, just flipping out. I went to my doc and she refused to give me meds. Told me to meditate twice a day. I have three kids aged 5 & under and I work full time. Some days I don’t get to brush my hair, much less meditate! I’m doing my best to just keep going.

  84. Yes. Yes, that too. Yup, I’ve felt like that as well. Uh huh. :tears: Yup. Yes, therapy does help. That’s right. Yes, exactly. Yeah, me too, Jenny.
    It’s like you are talking right at me. Why shouldn’t I respond this way?
    Depression is a fucking bitch whore I’d like to stab in the neck.

    Thank you, Jenny. So very much.

  85. Wow. It is so great to have someone who isn’t a doctor or a research person talk about what it’s like to have depression and anxiety, and to reinforce the fact that you don’t have to suffer alone. Mental and emotional disorders are so hidden in society and yet everyday, I mean EVERY day we come into contact with people who are silently being held prisoner by their own selves. ‘Normal’ people don’t even realize that their lives are impacted by it too and that they may be sleeping next to or working next to someone who just needs to hear words like “you matter” and “don’t be ashamed” and “I don’t understand fully, but I’m here for you”. Thank you for telling all of us that we matter, Jenny. I truly appreciate it.

  86. Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel totally alone with these thoughts.

  87. I love this… not like I’m happy you’re living with it, but that I’m happy that you openly talk about it. And the timing is cool, because I just wrote some about my struggles with depression and anxiety. I have just signed up to do this amazing walk in San Francisco for Suicide Prevention. I hope you have a better day tomorrow… {hugs}

  88. I feel for you! I believe I had double depression which, from what I read, was a mix of major depression and chronic depression. It was REALLY bad in high school. I should have gone to see a doctor, but didn’t until I was getting over it. I had depression issues for about 13 years, which was about half of my life. I grew up not truly knowing what good feelings were. It was soooo freaking confusing when I started to have good feelings for the ‘first’ time. I was very confused and disoriented. I still have some anxiety issues but I’m slowly getting through them. Therapy helps! Go get help if you have issues! Believe me!

  89. I needed that. I don’t suffer from depression, but my mother-in-law does. She had a head injury a couple of years ago that triggered her first real swing with it. It has been hard for us to know how to help. We just want her to understand that, regardless of how she feels about herself that day, we love her and want to be around her. She hides from us so that she can put the bad under a microscope while hiding the good away.
    I’ve never understood why mental illness was hidden when what it most needs is light. Thank you for the light you shine. May it ever glow.

  90. That was incredibly brave and honest and needed. I am in the middle of listening to your audio book now and I have come close to having to pull the car over a few times because laughing that hard while driving is not really safe. But that you are open and help people be unashamed of mental illness — no more than they would be of diabetes — is truly priceless.

  91. YOU GO GIRL!! And yeah – I know you’ve heard that before, but geez… what a courageous thing you’ve done here in this video. Thank you for speaking out so perfectly, and with such right-on information – have to believe you’re going to be helping far many more people with this than you can even imagine (and yeah – I’m sure even given your wonderful imagination, even more than that – LOL!) Love you lots and I’ve never even met you yet – looking forward to that one day though. Hugs and bravo’s from someone else who’s been there, is still there far more often than I like, and also go by the by-line of “no matter what, we’re all in this together!” πŸ˜€

  92. Much much love to you, as always. I am *very* happily medicated for chronic anxiety, but like you, it’s made me who I am, and I’m grateful for that, because I am awesome. And so are you. <3

  93. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for posting this. You have no idea how much watching this has helped me… I struggle with severe depression and anxiety (among other things) and have a habit of just keeping it all inside to the point of completely breaking down. I frequently think to myself that things would be better if I weren’t here. Just hearing someone say, “No, they wouldn’t… Don’t leave…” God, the impact those words have. THANK YOU.
    On a different note – AlohaKarina, you NEED to look into that whole chocolate-covered Xanax thing. I would be all over that shit!

  94. This video made me cry, in the good way. I have so much admiration for you and the fact that you’re willing to put yourself out there and speak about what you’re going through. So much love. <3

  95. I kept searching for some inspirational words and all I could come up with was BRAVO MISS JENNY!!!!!! You take that “darkness” and shove it back up the evil demon’s bum. I have been hospitalized 3 times for my bi-polar and border line personality disorder. I wondered each time if my husband and kids would be there when I got home. You know what they were and they loved me no matter how broken I was. THAT was 2006 and I am happy to report that I have been off all drugs and have yet to step foot in a hospital. WHY? Because somebody loved me enough to tell me not to listen to the “voices” that only wanted me to do damage to myself. THANK YOU and REMEMBER YOU MATTER TO ME. I LOVE YOU

  96. I have bipolar disorder and depression. Besides medication, cardio exercise is my number #1 pain reliever. Also, listening to new music that I’ve never heard before helps me too.

    Thank you for posting this video, Jenny. It was perfect timing.

  97. My superpower is taking all your pain away and harnessing it for good, like putting cereal and milk together at the grocery store. Or just putting it in the trash compactor. Or in the neighbor’s yard because I hate them.

  98. “don’t leave”. Hopefully the next slogan in your shop. Simply put, but oh so powerful. Thank you for your candor, honesty, creativity and humor. And a personal request from a total stranger who loves you furiously, especially the broken parts…. Don’t leave.
    S

  99. thank you so much for the video and the bracelet. i really needed that right now. i’ve been having a really rough series of panic attacks for the last 4 days now and i feel like i can’t escape from all the bad thoughts my brain is inflicting on me. listening to you talk about the issues you have (i got the audiobook) has helped me realize that there are ways of dealing with things like this and i’ve decided to ask my doctor about going back on medication (hopefully it works this time). i want to say thank you again, even though i already did, because i feel like i can’t say it enough because you make me realize that this is a real thing, and it’s not just me, and that is seriously the best thing i could ask to feel right now. *hugs*

  100. Something that’s had a huge impact for me: an Emotional Support dog.

    Not only is there benefit to having something snuggly that loves you unconditionally, but I found that as a single woman living alone with very few family ties, my dog is also my anchor. I can’t check out of my life because I am responsible for her well-being as much as for my own. I have to go to the grocer and get food. I have to work and make money. I have to get outside in the sunshine and go for a walk. And that makes a huge difference.

    (And if you have allergies, like so many people, there are some non-shedding breeds that make great Emotional Support Animals. Mine is a Schnauzer-Yorkie mix, which means she’s non-shedding and small, which works perfectly for me, as I travel with some frequency.)

  101. I think you have perfect timing – well – if that’s the positive way to look at it. Right as I was reading a journal from my past (which is kind of “homework” for me since I’m working on my autobio), you end up posting this. I saw it but finished my reading before coming over here. Now? I’m really sad and listening/reading this with tears in my eyes. Gah. It makes me remember my past when I had such the depression but also reminders of losing someone so close and dear to me…

    I think the worse thing anyone can do is ignore it and I’ve ignored it. That’s me. But we’re all together in this, right. *hugs*

  102. I’ve been getting them more and more frequently. Totally sucks ass. Love to u all.

  103. Thank you for telling me not to leave. I sometimes really want to. I didn’t realize I still did until you said not to. It’s so stupid.

  104. A few days ago I had an online friend dump me hard and I am still not sure why… but it kicked my ass emotionally so this was something I really needed to hear tonight. I don’t know if that person has any idea how devastating what they said was to me. Then again, I don’t think they care.

    I’ve worked in a couple of residential facilities for adults with mental illness (I was the Admin. in the Business Office so, not in a therapeutic role) and my co-workers used to tell me that I sometimes seemed to be the lunatic running the asylum. I know that they probably didn’t mean that as a compliment, but I always felt complimented by it. I understood so many of our clients… folks that had been in “the system” for years. And over and over I had clients tell me they liked me because I never tried to “fix” them, I just listened and made them feel like they were people.

    And to echo what some others have said… I won’t leave if you don’t, ok?

  105. Thank you for speaking out so courageously about anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. As a person who developed PTSD at a young age and continues to cope with it, I have spent much of my life feeling crazy and I really relate to so much of what you say. A ton of therapy (which is still ongoing) and many years later my PTSD is now manageable and I no longer feel like every single day is a battle, but it * is * still incredibly isolating and feels totally shitty a lot of the time. Your courage to speak up about mental illness and anxiety-based disorders is helping to give me the courage to be more me, you know, out loud and in public, around people other than my cats. This isn’t as weird as it sounds, I just mean that I’m trying to be more myself all of the time and not just in my head. It’s pretty awesome that you encourage that in people. By the way, Poster #23 seems like an asshole. Just saying.

  106. Thank you so much for posting this video. I always feel so alone with my depression/OCD/self harm and to have to speak like that makes me feel a whole lot better. We are not alone, as hard as it is for me to remember that it’s true. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.

  107. Reality may be a demanding mistress but she isn’t always an honest one. Keep doing you cause as you can see… Lots of people love you just the way you are and you shouldn’t feel bad for something you can’t control.

  108. Jenny you are a wonderful person as you are. If you did not have anxiety I doubt you would have accomplished the things that you have. So please be happy with your husband and your child and just live your life the way it is. You are such a pleasure and give joy to so many as evidenced by your book. So in your own words fuck this shit and just live your life. Your friends and family stand by you!

  109. I love your idea of making videos of yourself talking to yourself about what you are going through. I’m definitely going to try that. Thank you for this video, it arrived in my reader on exactly the right day.

  110. Girlfriend – YOU ROCK! I think you are one of the bravest women I know. Thank you for being there for me when I cant. You speak for those of us who are unable to. Broken or not, you are amazing and I need you. Hugs and Smooches..

  111. I suffer from depression, bi-polar disorder, mood disorder, and social anxiety. The anxiety is usually what hurts the worst. I know that my distrust for those that love me hurts them and so then I get depressed. Pulling out of a depressed state is difficult. I’ve had weeks upon weeks where I could barely do anything. I am suspicious of *everyone*. Somedays I’m not even sure why my husband married me. I can come out easier if I can find the strength to get up and go to fencing practice, or see friends, or my favourite, go shopping. Most of the time though I forget that depression lies.

  112. It’s disgusting how sly, how insidious, how deceptive depression is. It’s scary how those “little” thoughts snake their way into your soul…and breed.

    I love your “don’t leave”. Simple. Powerful. ?

  113. Oh, and, Jenny, seriously DON’T LEAVE
    Our parents’ generation had Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath. And as much beauty as those women gave us, they let the lies get them. What our generation and future ones need is someone that survives. And succinctly that.
    That isn’t enough. It is SO much more.

  114. Whew. This video was well-timed. I really appreciate your bravery, it’s helping me and I hope many others who are struggling. Much love.

  115. I’ve been a reader of your for months, this is the first time I’ve commented.
    First, I’d like to say how much you’ve made me laugh since I started reading your blog.I’ve spent hours going reading post after post.Second, I think your amazing, inspirational and strong.Thank you for sharing such a personal insight into depression.
    Mental health awareness week has just ended here in the U.K. supported by The Black Dog Tribe.com, a site I often visit when I feel low.
    Take care of yourself.

  116. wow, Jenny, we are all so lucky that you exist and have created this space and are so amazing. I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night/today, and it is really crappy.. .but hearing this is making me feel the tiniest bit better b/c i feel like i’m not alone… thanks to you and everyone here…

  117. I just found your blog about a month ago…how I didn’t find it sooner is crazy as I’ve been blogging myself for 7 years…but how I did find it is a story in and of itself…I’ll sum it up. Male best friend – my crush gone bad in a fit of depression. Friendship will never be the same. Years later I’m friends with his wife of facebook…she’s so funny and perfect for him…easier to be happy for someone when the depression isn’t hanging over your head. She posted a link to your metal chicken post and I laughed so hard I cried!

    I’ve suffered from severe anxiety and dysthymia for most of my life – I started treatment at 19 and 20 years later I still struggle…I’ve been on an anti-depressant non-stop since I was first diagnosed. I’ve transitioned to new ones, different ones, and it’s never fun. I’ve gone to a few different therapists – my last was the best and finally got through to me and really helped me get to a point where I can process and work through my distorted thinking – and diagnosed my ADD which significantly changed my life, AGAIN. Yet I NEVER remember anyone saying it so simply…Depression Lies.

    As I listened to you tonight my heart sank into my stomach because I was thinking today that I wished my brother was dead…horrible thoughts brought on by 16 years of dealing with bi-polar disorder, Schizophrenia and the self-medicating that leaves my family in a constant state of panic.

    Do I wish I was born without mental illness…no because it makes me who I am and has made me a voice for those afraid to speak out about the pain of mental illness. Yet if I could take away the mental illness that runs in my family so that my nieces and nephews wouldn’t have to go through the pain that I have – I would in a heartbeat. Thankfully I am able to talk to them, share what I’ve gone through and help them see that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I firmly believe that it is when we don’t face mental illness head-on and help one another, that the illness wins. So THANK YOU for speaking out and for sharing so much of yourself.

  118. Thank you Jenny. I <3 you too and don't want you to go anywhere! Except maybe to Edmonton so I can give you a hug.

    I find the sun really does help. It gives me strength. Also as crazy as this may sound I talk to my dogs and hug them and I feel like they are telling me everything is going to be ok.

    Really. Thank you for sharing.

  119. First time I heard “depression lies” was from you and it is my mantra when it gets rough. Thank you because it’s true. Depression. Lies. Thank you for those 2 very powerful words!

  120. I met you at the book signing in San Antonio. You were amazing, and I still remember that little note on your arm. I also remember thinking that you were amazingly strong – dosed up or not – to speak in front of that large of a group.
    Today sucks. Tomorrow might suck too. But another day will not, and that’s what makes it worth it, right? Well, that and margaritas.

  121. I wish i could end my battle with agoraphobia. I cant say how many years i havent left my town
    because of panic attacks. I dont never know where to begin to tell all ive went through. Thanks for
    This video.

  122. You are such an amazing, wonderful person. The gifts that you give to us–laughter, insight, compassion, joy–are the best gifts for which anyone can hope. Thank you for everything you share with us; please know that your fans all love you and don’t want you to leave us, either!

  123. You. Are. AMAZING. Such an important message. Thank you so much for your willingness to keep it real. So powerful. You are important. Stay strong friend. And know that you are loved by many.

  124. Please tell me how “it is easy to abuse them (@5:36).” Your statement is seriously misleading, and plays into the hands of everyone who thinks that the depressed can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps if only they are willing.

    I have been living with depression for my entire adult life. I was extremely resistant to going into therapy and taking medication. Twenty years later, my only regret is that I didn’t get help sooner. My only fear is that the medication will stop working.

    Taking antidepressants doesn’t make you high. Please do not perpetuate that myth. If you take antidepressants without needing them, you are putting an unnecessary load on your liver to no avail. But you won’t get high. Withdrawal is a function of habituation; it does not necessarily signify abuse.

    You just said that it is easy to abuse antidepressants and then you turn around and say that it’s no different than a diabetic using insulin. This is completely contradictory.

    I may be on antidepressants on and off for the rest of my life. But I will never, ever go back into the darkness. If I find myself slipping, I will go get help. I’m not going to wait until I’m suicidal. I’m never, ever going to be suicidal again; I promise ME.

  125. Maybe it is the moon.
    I normally lean toward anxious, and had been better the past couple weeks… but I’ve been depressed this week. I needed to hear this. Thanks Jenny.

  126. Diagnosed with anxiety 11 years ago, when I was in high school. Therapy has been instrumental for me, especially in the last year as I made some major life changes. One of my therapist’s mantras is “Be kind to yourself.” I need to remind myself, some days, that’s it’s okay not to be Superwoman. It’s not the end of the world if I didn’t get everything scratched off my to-do list; the sun will still come up if I take five minutes to stop and just breathe. Life goes on, and so will I.

    “Finally, I’ve concluded, through careful empirical analysis, and much thought, that someone is looking out for me. Keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less than I ought, giving me strength to shoot for more than I might feel capable of. I believe they know everything that I do (and think) and still love me. I’ve concluded after careful consideration, that this person keeping score…

    Is me.”

    -Adam Savage, at The Reason Rally

  127. Vitamin D and fish oil. There’s a researcher here at KU who’s been doing, um, research, on depression and such, and he recommends vitamin D and a fish oil tablet every day. Plus get some sun, either from the real thing or from a light box.

    It seems to work, if you don’t mind burping sardines. I’ve been told the higher quality fish oil capsules don’t make you do that, but I get the cheapo ones.

    Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.

  128. “Don’t leave”

    I needed that message. sometimes it’s so hard.

    Thanks.

  129. Thank you. I am one of those who needed to hear exactly this, exactly now, as my own anxiety and depression–usually pretty well-controlled–are back with a vengeance these past few weeks.

    I hope you will remember all of us, and all of these comments, in those moments when you wonder what it’s all for. You help so many people: that’s what it’s all for.

    Peace and hugs, from one survivor to another.

  130. *full-teary-episode* When I’m really down, I believe that those closest to me don’t really want me there. When I’m feeling like this, I don’t know how transparent I am and how much pain my family feels to see me struggling with that hideous black beast. My brain hurts so many people – I’d happily spoon it out and replace it with a new one. My depression, however, is genetic – my daughter will be starting soon with the onset of hormone crazy-town. I know my brain is broken, and I am now able to help her where my mother couldn’t help me, nor her mother before that. I’m stopping the cycle of self-loathing and destruction. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts – I reckon you’re bang on the mark. People who struggle to achieve and maintain ‘a normal life’ have so much empathy and support for others. My ability to love and care is pretty astounding, and so is yours. We rocketh.

  131. Thank you. Got this at the critical moment when the kids have gone to bed and I realize I’m the only adult in the house. I can’t sleep and I eat but mostly I need to cry. Thanks to everyone brave enough to claim broken. I can be that brave, here. It’s so hard in the light of day. My family needs honesty and courage. But no worries, I say, I’m awesome at holding on.

  132. Do art. Try to create something every day, even if it’s just doodles in a journal.
    Eat healthy food. Drink lots of water!.
    Talk talk talk talk talk talk. Talk some more.
    Sing. Listen to music that makes you feel peppy. Dance.
    Be kind to yourself. Get help when you need it.
    And most of all, remember: it’s okay to not be perfect.
    We’ll get through this together.
    Love you.
    Rebecca

  133. The last part of your message made me tear up. People (myself included) often do not understand how important they are to the people around them – and not just friends and family, but coworkers, people you see on a regular basis but don’t really know – they would ALL be affected if you were not here anymore. The clerk in the drugstore just today said she hadn’t seen me in a while and asked how I had been – it was only friendly conversation, but a relative stranger had noticed my absence. I’ve had 2 friends commit suicide, and I’ve attempted it myself, and when I finally, a year later, admitted it to my mother, it hit me like a tidal wave how badly it would destroy her if I had succeeded.

    You ARE important.
    WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT.

    Jenny, you are a wonderful example of what I strive to be, which is militantly OUT about being Bipolar. The more questions we answer, the more resources we share, the wider a community we build, the more strength we will have. And I think that might be starting right here, which is just so damned special.

  134. I’ve struggled with severe anxiety and depression for a really long time,you are always an inspiration to me. I thank you for that,and the reminder-Depression is a huge,stinkin’ liar

  135. You are so awesome. Everything you said is exactly true and it helps to know there is one more person out there who does not want me to leave. Usually whenever I get down in the depths I just start thinking about all the people who love me. The depression tells me they would be better off without me, but then I hear my mother’s voice telling me that with life there is always hope of things getting better. Then I think about the pain I feel and felt when my best friend killed her self almost 22 years ago. I still get mad at her, miss her, almost as if it was just the other day.
    My dog always comes and snuggles next to me. And when my husband comes home he makes our stuffed teddy bear “doppelgangers” talk in their silly voices and while it does not always work right away eventually things do get better.
    Right now it has been tough since I am currently about 12 weeks pregnant so my hormones are going crazy and the worry voice inside my head is in overdrive! The weekend was a bust as far as getting anything done, but then I’m growing a human being (or perhaps the giraffe my husband has always wanted).
    It has been a number of years since I have seen a therapist but tomorrow I will think of you (while reading your book) and call for an appointment ASAP.
    This all seems very disjointed but after reading just the first few paragraphs of your book this is nothing!
    Thank you again Jenny for being there for all of us, and I hope in some way we are there for you too!

  136. Often, when I’m in the throes of a massive anxiety/panic/omgIthinkI’mgoingtospontaneouslycombust episode, I find myself thinking, WWJLD? And I feel better. Because I know I’m so not alone.

    You may sometimes think you aren’t anyone in particular but, to many of us, you are a WARRIOR. THE Warrior (um…now I have that song from the 80’s stuck in my head) who leads the fight as we sound are – albeit crazy – barbaric yawps across the rooftops of the world.

    I’ll see you in the bathroom sometime. I’ll bring the wine.

  137. Great video. So important to hear all of this. I’ve had episodic depression and have long-term anxiety and panic disorders. Things that help – gardening, yoga, light, hiking, good music – things that keep me in the now. Also, weirdly, I told my chiropractor, whom I see for back issues about my anxiety in passing one day. He did this funky cranial adjustment and immediately – like IMMEDIATELY – I felt hugely better. I do have to get regular adjustments but it let me also drop down on the meds and still feel normal. Not all chiros do these adjustments – go to someone old school – a bone cruncher as my guy calls himself. I should add my chiro is also Chinese so does an interesting mix of chiro and TCM. And, FWIW, I really truly belive that chiro is only good for musculo-skeleton adjustments so I have no idea why this worked, but it can’t be psychosomatic because I didn’t believe it would work.

  138. Jenny, I am a counseling professor who has been reading your blog for a loooooong time and have gotten several students addicted to your blog. (Hello, Students, if you’re reading this!) I love reading all of your humorous posts, but I really love that you can also get real and share posts like this. You really can and are making a difference for people who share your struggles, as well as helping counseling students and counselors in their work. I really appreciate your support of using prescribed psychotropic medications when needed while emphasizing the work of individual counseling. Thank you SO much!

    Oh, and my colleague and I can’t wait to attend your Skype event May 9th at our local bookstore. It’s the best we can do since we can’t make it to Texas and you aren’t heading to Ohio/Kentucky. (Which you really should head this way because we have LOTS of taxidermied animals for you here!)

  139. ….and long walks are my go-to,I just need to get outside before I can talk myself out of it!

  140. I needed that…thank you. You have no idea of what inspiration you are to me. Thank you…you are awesome!

  141. I love you, Jenny!! Thank you for the courage to stand up not only for yourself but for all of us. Thank you for the laughter through the tears. Thank you for whistling in the dark to give us all hope. Thank you for everything you do.

  142. Don’t ever leave Jenny and I’ll do my best not to leave either.

    I’ve also lived with mental illness since childhood. I’ve got social anxiety, bouts of agoraphobia, depression, and I’m bipolar II. After being widowed at 37 I’m slowly making my way back to life with lots of help from my mental health team. I’ve had many, many dark days, and I can *so* relate to feeling like the world would be better without me in it.

    But you’re right. Depression lies like a motherfucker.

    Thank you.

    Oh and by the way I’m half way though your book and I’m absolutely loving it. I completely relate to blurting out strange things in social situations!!! At 2 am last night I was reading your book and I was trying so hard not to wake up my housemates while laughing that I ended up doing this weird sort of snuffling laugh that scared the crap out of my dog. That made me laugh even more.

  143. Mine is anxiety and OCD and i write…sometimes for hours…once all the shit in my brain is out on paper i can sometimes let some of it go. Intense exercise helps too. I have other methids but these are the more positive ones. Thanks again for signing my mom’s book for mothers day. She will love it. (Motherfucker)

  144. You are awesome! It takes so much courage to go out there and share these things, but it is so helpful to so many people. Keep up the great work. Thank-you πŸ™‚

  145. You are so incredible. This brought tears to my eyes in a good way. Being 17 and having generalized anxiety disorder isn’t easy, but you make it easier. Thank you πŸ™‚

  146. Dear Jenny,

    I’ve been intently watching the way you battle your depression, and it’s inspiring every time how you come at it with honesty, calling it what it is, and never give completely in. You probably don’t have any idea how many people who have no idea what to do are looking to you (worrisome thought, huh?)
    I Tweeted a link to you that you probably wont/didn’t actually see: I have crippling depression myself and have given into more ill advised behaviors regarding it than I’d like to go into – namely planning out my own suicide. 3 days after I made that plan, I made this video to stop myself. It’s only 7 minutes long and pep talks me out of every dark thought I have, every time, because it reminds me of the real truth.

    THE LINK: http://youtu.be/EhEpaxlb76s

    In the way you inspire me to be honest and upfront about my crazy brain, I wanted to throw a little back your way.
    You are indescribably important to people who aren’t even related to you, Jenny Lawson.
    Much Love,
    Sarah

  147. I had anger in my life for, mmm…, all of it. A lot of anger that I couldn’t face because I was angry at myself. And the result was hurting everyone around me, sabotaging all my relationships, and alienating all the people I love. I tried drugs, talk therapy, EMDR therapy, relying on family and friends, throwing myself into work to avoid feeling, sleeping to avoid feeling, and while it all worked to varying degrees, I still had anger. And then I tried BodyTalk.
    Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone. You are the only perfect you there can be.

  148. I just had a total bitch of a panic attack last night. It lasted so long, I had to put my hand on my husband’s chest and breathe with him because I forgot how long each breath should be. It takes a special kind of crazy to forget how to breathe right. Wait… Maybe those strips would help! (Little anxiety humor there for ya. Choice; laugh or cry, I’ll take laugh any day.)

  149. Thank you so much for this. Last year hearing you say Depression is a liar really helped get me out of some the darkest depressive years I’d had in a long time. I was truly convinced the world would be better off without me. Thanks for reminding me why it’s not only OK but awesome to be broken and to not listen to that lying voice in my head. You’re “Don’t leave.” will always be with me. You are amazing!

  150. I just watched this last night as I searched for something to send a friend who is struggling right now. I think you posting it tonight is kismet. Thank you for being such an incredible voice to those who suffer silently.

  151. First of all: you were never broken, nor are you now. Second: thanks for the awesome tips! I’ll be using some of these with my clients.

  152. Thank you. I’m in tears, and not necessarily in a “good” way, but thank you for putting yourself out there like this.

  153. Depression is a lying asshole. That is all there is to say about it.

    Thank you for the video. it means a lot

  154. Reading your blog (& BOOK!), the right music and meds help keep me fairly even these days. Thank you for being an advocate for those who can’t do it for themselves. And THANK YOU for helping us all feel a little more normal.

  155. Thank you, Jenny. This was amazing. You are an amazing woman.

    For anyone else reading the comments: I just want to second Jenny’s statement about not giving up on medication if one kind doesn’t work. It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and it can be kinda scary, trying to figure out what medication, (or combination of medications!,) will work for you. To anyone who is still trying to get this sorted out for themselves–don’t give up! It took me years of tweaking, and an *awesome* ARNP, to find a combo that really worked for me.

    It was totally worth it. Every day that I’m able to get out of bed and accomplish something is a victory. Every time that I can say to myself, “Hey, wait–those thoughts aren’t realistic!” and turn away from them is a victory. Hell, every night that I actually sleep the night through is a victory, too! And the world really looks amazing when you’re not terrified all the time. πŸ™‚

    Also–every medication that I’ve been on has taught me something about my illness, even when it didn’t work very well (or at all). If something doesn’t work, learn what you can from it, then try again. You’ll get there.

  156. You are just 13 shades of awesome in every color. I hate that you ever have to be in pain, but boy do I love that you use it to uplift and educate everyone around you.

    Love and hugs!

  157. I inherited chemical imbalance from my dad. I finally started on medication during my second pregnancy. During my 3rd pregnancy I began experiencing severe anxiety. I am extremely grateful that my husband grew up with a mother who suffered from mental illness as he was growing up. He recognized what was going on and helped me get the help I needed. When I started on medication it was like waking up. I will never forget a couple of days after I started the look of amazement on his face when he said “You finally laughed!”. I hadn’t realized how bad it was. I have heard women on occasion talk about what they do to “hide” their mental imbalances from their children. I am absolutely opposed to this!!! We have three daughters (we used to imagine having 4 children, but because of how severe my chemical changes are during pregnancy we changed our minds). I have explained to them in age appropriate ways what I am going through. I dont’ care what you do to “hide” it from you kids, they are perceptive and will be scared if they don’t understand. Since our daughters understand some of what I deal with they sometimes are able to pick up on signs that something is off before I can. Recently I was playing Phase 10 with two of the kids on a sunday afternoon. I was getting more and more irritated. I practically yelled at our oldest daughter because she was beating me! She’s 9!!! She gave me a funny look, knowing that I was not acting right. I put my cards down and walked away. I started poking through my pill sorter (with a few chronic illnesses also I take a full dozen pills on a good day). I discovered I’d run out of my medication for anxiety 3 days before. Once I knew what was going on I went back to my girls. I explained that my medicine was out. I apologized for my bad behavior and explained that I should not have let it get that bad and I would fix what was wrong. It is something that has helped bring me closer to my children instead of dividing us. Considering how genetically based some forms of depression seem to be I am very concerned about them being informed and keeping communication open in case any of them fall into this same funk. I feel sometimes like they’re doomed to it. My husband is medicated for ADD (since he moved to a desk job) and also medicated for a borderline bipolar disorder (he woudlnt’ have to take that except that the ADD meds could throw him into a manic phase without, so it’s really just preventative). His mother has dealt with severe bipolar disorder most of her life. My dad is finally being treated for depression, as am I. If it’s genetic those sweet babes of mine are gonna have it! I’m arming them with the best I can do.

  158. Thank you for posting this!! I too suffer depression and anxiety and have been a total mess since Friday… not that I want anyone to suffer like this, but I am glad it’s not just me…
    I totally agree with what you said about meds, I’ve tried so many and none have worked for me, but I that doesn’t mean I’m not open to trying again. Even though one gave me horrific, bloody nightmares and another facial tics (that was fun :/) But it does seem to run in the family, so I’m guessing it’s chemical. I’m sad my daughter now seems to suffer depression, but grateful that her doctor seems to have found something that will help her and hopeful that she will continue counseling. My son has social anxiety, counseling helped him so much. ( I distributed my genes fairly ;), 1 mental illness per child! Such a good mom…)
    Now I’m rambling, thank you for being so open and sharing with all of us. I’m sorry for all of us who are fighting this moon right now. Group counseling anyone?

  159. Hi Jenny.

    I really wanted to comment on withdrawal from psych drugs. I was prescribed benzo’s (xanax, ativan, klonopin, etc) for over 13 years. It was wonderful when it helped me, but eventually I reached something called tolerance withdrawal. I kept taking higher doses (per my doctors orders) and it didn’t work, but caused intense debilitating symptoms that lasted for over 2 years! I deeply feel that people need to be warned about these dangerous drugs knowing what I know now. It took a year to taper off the benzodiazepines and another two years to recover fully from them.

    I’m really happy that you are talking about this on your blog and I don’t want to take up your whole page, but thankful I could share a tiny portion of my story.

    Congratulations on the success of your new book and overcoming all that you have!

    Mila

  160. Oh — and i have a definite problem with brevity. Sorry ’bout that essay! Group therapy in the comment section!!!

  161. Thanks for sharing this, my family knows about my struggles, but not my co-workers/boss, mental illness does still have a stigma attached. Do you want to hear something funny? (Sure you do!)I recently moved into an apartment that is next door to my old therapists office, ha! Not so funny to no longer have coverage for therapy /drugs /psychiatrist. You’re right about withdrawal, I thought I was going to DIE!!!(lost coverage for meds and was sent on my way!!!!) Have been muddling through on my own, thanks again for this post!!!!

  162. you know if we could package up some courage and strength and kickassness, we would and we would send it to you free because we all want you to be better than this dis-ease.

  163. Great video. I don’t suffer from depression, but I have friends who do, and your descriptions and thoughts give me some insight about what they are going through. Thank you.

  164. Thank you thank you thank you for this video. Love yuor humor, but this is so important and I am glad to have watched, as I deal with many of the same issues you do. Talking about how different people need different drugs needs to be said. It’s just like shopping for the right birth control. Also, thanks for the last 30 seconds to remind us (and yourself) that we are important, no matter how broken we might be.

  165. I can always feel it when my brain declares war on me, but I’m powerless to stop it. And it plays dirty, always telling me I’m less than.

    I will always win, though.

  166. Depression blows. I’ve been trapped inside myself for months… I don’t know how to get out of it. But I’ll try to remember- depression lies. And all those people who treat me like I’m “different” now… They can all kiss my @ss. Nuffield said. Love your blog.

  167. dear bloggess, and anyone else who is struggling,
    if you can find your way to it, and if you’re really ready to do battle with depression, bipolar, borderline, etc., Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is an AMAZING thing. i’m 40 years old and never thought i would survive to this point. and i honestly don’t think i would have if it wasn’t for DBT. some of the things being mentioned in the video (such as holding ice) are just a couple of the many, many tools you can learn in this program. it’s far less about hashing out the past, and far more about building a future for yourself that you deserve (and i promise you, you DO deserve to live some beautiful years!). if there isn’t a therapist or program in your area that offers DBT, look it up; there are work books. you can learn tools to overcome that awful inner voice that tells you you are not worth it.
    love and mental health,
    darcy

  168. I’m one of the relatively lucky ones. My level of depression is at a level where I can survive without medication, and where I can reason my way through it. Some days, it’s less reasonable than others, but mostly, if I wait it out and rest up and avoid people for a day or two, it passes.

    Medication is worse than going it alone. The side effects make me violently emotional, or they drain all of the color out of the world. There may well be a drug that will help me, but I don’t want to screw around with my brain chemicals any worse than they’re already screwed. I’ve been depressed since I was very young, and I know how to cope with that. I don’t know how to cope with mania, or anxiety, or the waking dreams I had when I was on Prozac.

    I was in therapy for a while, and I think anyone, mentally healthy or no, would benefit from talking to a therapist. It gives you some sense of perspective and helps, no matter what you’re going through. It may take a while to find the right therapist, but there are a lot of them out there. It doesn’t even have to be someone licensed for therapy. Anyone who can listen and has repercussions for blabbing to your friends or family can be a therapeutic outlet, though therapists do have the specialized training and the language for it.

    What helped me the most out of anything was prioritizing. I don’t subscribe to spoon theory for myself, because there are people with chronic illness or much more severe mental illness who need that to explain their daily lives a lot more than I do. But it did open my eyes to the fact that I have a finite amount of energy. Some days, I can spend some of that energy on fighting back the voice that tells me I’m worthless and no one likes me and there’s no reason to do anything. Some days, I don’t have to do that, and I can go do something good for myself, like taking a walk outside. Sometimes, something recharges me, while others, it drains me. So long as I’m aware of what’s going on with my energy level and how hard I’m fighting with myself, I don’t let it slip into dangerous territory.

    That also means excising people from my life who don’t understand how hard I fight for my life, and who make demands on my time and energy that I can’t fulfill. That turns into a downward spiral where I give in a little bit, either to do as the person demands, or to refuse and be that terrible, worthless person I believe myself to be. Either alternative ends with me curled up in bed, refusing to move for fear I’ll go for something sharp.

    I choose to surround myself with people who either have the compassion to understand what I’m going through, or who have been there, themselves. I do my damndest to repay them for their compassion and kindness, and make the bad times worth their while. But I will no longer put up with people who take my effort to perform as a happy, well-adjusted soul for granted.

  169. At times it’s a big black deep hole that I see no way out of. Later when I am out of it I don’t understand how I was there in the first place.

  170. I wish that I’d had somebody to say these things to me 15 years ago when I was first diagnosed with depression. It took about 10 years to finally find the right combination of meds for me (I had big problems with “poop-out syndrome”), but once I did, it made a HUGE difference. So, yes, keep trying different meds, it may take a long time to find it, but there is almost always something out there that will help (and new drugs are being developed all the time). What kept me going over those long, dark years was therapy, therapy and more therapy. In addition to talking through various issues, I learned invaluable coping skills. Things like, when everything seems overwhelming and you can’t cope with *anything* (like, say, basic hygiene), just try to do one little thing. Brush your teeth. Then praise yourself for it – you accomplished something! See! Even now that I’m in a relatively stable place, I still use the little tips and tricks that I learned all the time.

    I think one of the hardest things is learning to ask for and accept help. I was adamantly against drugs and therapy in the beginning, since I thought, hey, I’m smart, I should be able to work this out myself. Yeah, that didn’t work out so great. 😐 One of my psych docs told me something that has made all the difference – mental illness is an illness just like any other. You can’t just will your way free of diabetes or cancer, you have to *treat* it. He spent a lot of time explaining exactly how the brain and all it’s various chemicals and such work (or are supposed to work…and, yes, this was all dumbed down for us non-MDs), and what exactly was going wrong inside my body. It was like a light switch went off. I get it. It’s not because I’m weak or not trying hard enough or whatever, there is something WRONG with my body and we have to do our best to treat it. Once I wrapped my brain around that, it made it a lot easier to accept, follow the treatment plans, ask for help, and give myself a break. It’s not easy – since depression is a lying bitch – but it helps.

    Anyway, I just want to thank you for being so honest and open about your experiences with mental illness. I just know that there are so many people out there who will benefit, get help, hold on a while longer, or understand a little better what their loved one is going through. *HUGS*

  171. Depression is so all-consuming.

    About eight months ago, I found out that my brand new husband had been cheating on me for years. For quite a while, my whole world was numb. It was as if I was a bystander, watching another human explode. Only that human was me.

    Some of you may be able to relate to these feelings… I describe a lot of them in my latest post: http://www.ringfingertanline.com/2012/04/30/operation-detox/

  172. I completely agree with you that we depressives just feel more. Over the last several years I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that my emotions are oftentimes just too big for many people’s comfort. And I can look back at my whole life and see how I’ve tried to contain my expression so I didn’t get the hand on my arm from someone wanting me to tone it down. It’s a special kind of suckiness when your boyfriend tells you that even your happy is a little hard for him to deal with.

    I’ve been in the hole recently. I’d been off my meds for awhile, seeing if I could be and I’d felt myself sliding. When I cried for three days straight I realized I’d already fallen in several days prior. Somehow I don’t ever go to suicidal. More just feel like I’m fading and that probably nobody will ever notice. I did finally tell my mom and she convinced me to reach out. The love that showered me after I put up a plaintive facebook status was almost overwhelming. Depression lies, indeed. And it’s astonishing what simply telling others about it will bring back to us.

    Thank you again for your raw honesty. You are a bright light in this world, even when you feel like there is nothing but darkness and chaos. Along with so many others, I’m sending you love.

  173. Now that I’ve watched the video, the only advice I’d add to Jenny’s is to be totally honest with your psychiatrist and/or psychologist. If you’re ever going to be totally honest with anyone, those are the people to do with with.

    And no matter what kind of thoughts are going through your head, I guarantee that you are not the only person to ever feel that way. To ever feel that bad.

    There are people who understand and know how to help you. It’s a great feeling to realize others have been there before and come through it just fine.

  174. Your last words “don’t leave” were the sincerest, most loving words I’ve ever heard, and you don’t even know me.

  175. I am so impressed how you are leading such an honest life, true to who you are. It takes such courage to do that and to emerge as a public figure at the same time. You go, lady! You are truly inspiring! Please excuse me now. I must hide behind my couch for a while. Or maybe I’ll be brave, too, and sit on my couch instead. Go, me!

  176. Sending you lots of good vibes and love-hugs. I too struggle with depression and have since I was a teenager. I too worry about whether my children will have to struggle with depression and have talked to them about it they are 17 and 20 now). I too have had a friend who has struggled all her life and who I thought I was going to lose several time. I want to say to you and to her and to everyone who feels the pain……DON’T LEAVE. Jenny, you have given me so much joy and love. Don’t leave….

  177. Thank you for being so real, and for talking about it. I am a depression survivor too, and talking about it makes everything the slightest bit more bearable. Thank you for your honesty and bravery. xo

  178. Jenny, I just sent a link to your video to a friend whose 17-year-old daughter suffers from crippling anxiety…and whose husband doesn’t believe in screwed-up brain chemistry and is fighting putting her on meds that will help. I’m so hoping and praying that she will show the video to him and help him understand that there’s no stigma. At the same time, I am so thankful for my husband, who avoids medication like the plague but still supports my daily intake of antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs — because he knows that they keep me here, and functioning, and able to feel great joy. Don’t know you (hope I will some day), but I love you.

  179. Depression lies is perhaps the wisest thing I’ve ever heard. It really does, even though it doesn’t feel like it when it happens. You are such a strong person and you make me not want to hide my issues, but to spread the support and knowledge that you do. Normally I’m so ashamed to be the way I am, but this post makes me less ashamed. You make a difference.

  180. I make a living out of being balls-to-the-walls crazy, and you are TOTALLY speaking my language here, Jenny. I tell people that illness is when part of your body is trying to kill you. Heart disease? Heart trying to kill you. Liver disease? Liver the Assassin on the attack. How do we fight back against these killers? With our brains. Our brains say, “Take your meds! See a doctor! Treat yourself well!” But with mental illness, it’s your brain trying to kill you — so how the hell are you supposed to fight back when your best weapon is the very thing tearing you to shreds??!

    My answer involves building my defense when I’m well. THAT’S when I write letters to my future-crazy-self with instructions on how to fight back. THAT’S when I record the videos giving my sick self survival strategies. It helps.

    See you soon, out-of-the-hole. (That’s like asshole except friendly and encouraging and mentally sound. πŸ™‚ )

  181. Jenny, thank you so much for posting this video. It makes me feel better just to know there’s one more person out there that understands what goes on in my head. Depression does lie. I wish I could wear a shirt that alerted people to disregard the terrible things I may say when I’m in the clutches of this beast. Well, maybe not a shirt. A bracelet. Like those MedAlert bracelets that tell people you’re diabetic or epileptic.

    Thanks again. The world is a brighter place because we have you in it.

  182. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have dealt with depression on and off for years and I know so many people who are in that exact same boat.
    Your last 10 seconds made me sob. Thank you, thank you for saying all that.
    I hope this reaches everyone it needs to.

    ~Adriana

  183. You are so good to do this. I have bipolar disorder, PMDD, fibromyalgia. I am currently enduring 1st year in about 20 without medical management of my chronic illnesses. I have no insurance, my husband is in 2nd year of unemployment and we are going through everything imaginable as a result of current circumstances. Had to express to my husband that things are getting bad for me and he has to prepare himself and the kids to handle it… whatever “it” is. I’m scared. We have limited income… nothing that would support my resuming physician’s care , much less medication. I stopped my blog a few days ago, when someone on Twitter seemed bothered by my reality – went so far as to delete it. Thanks for doing your part to bring awareness to mental illness. I’ve mentioned it before, I loved your book but in a different way than most. I recognize your world. Your book made me feel not so alone in mine.

  184. Anxiety and Depression won’t go away They are big ugly, nasty demons and so much bigger then any one of us that deal with them. But it’s like “A bugs life” they tower over us, like those grasshoppers, and they intimidate us. Until we realise, they may be bigger, but there’s only a couple of them, ad there are hundreds off us. So let’s stand together and kick some serious ass!

  185. I’m not suffering from depression (though I had a bad bout with it years ago – so I get it) but I just wanted to tell you THANK YOU for opening yourself up this way and sharing your heart. Your sincerity and compassion are shining out from you. I will be praying that your message has touched and especially helped people. Not to over-spiritualize, but God IS using you. Thanks for that. Blessings…and great big hugs. πŸ™‚

  186. Adding to the chorus of “Thank you”. Your bravery and honesty and humor amaze me.

    When i was first diagnosed with “depression manifesting as anxiety”, I had internalized the stigma against “happy pills” so I tried to work through things with therapy. I got better, but only to a point. It wasn’t until my doc had me keep a “symptom log” and had me write down how I felt several times a day as well as if I was under any specific stress and where my monthly cycle was that we realized that I had a chemical issue and I NEEDED to be on meds. You can write stuff down, or there are also smartphone apps you can use to track your symptoms and look for patterns. I use MoodPanda now, though it automatically defaults to “share everything” so you probably want to go to the website and disable a lot of stuff when you first set it up.

    I personally found that starting something like a symptom log or looking for resources helped me – because it meant that I was now “doing something” about how I felt – because you’re totally right. Depression is a liar. It whispers to you and you get so used to it that you don’t even notice any more until you realize that you haven’t actually left your house by choice for weeks.

    Luckily for people in that boat, there are people like you and videos like this

  187. I love you so much for talking openly about your struggles. I guess there is something in the air or the water or something, because I had a panic attack out of nowhere at work today. I closed my door, popped a xanax, and felt utterly alone. I don’t feel so alone now. Thank you πŸ™‚

  188. First of all, YOU are fantastic. I wanted to comment just to say that you have so much courage to not only talk about your issues publicly, but that you have so much fortitude to put yourself out there to help others. When ever I have a sad moment in my life, I read one of you stories and just laugh my silly arse off. A LOT. And I thank you for that. Each and every time. You are so loved by so many people I just hope you know that. {of course you do I hope!}

    You make every single person who reads this blog, any day they may visit, brighter by just being you. And I count myself lucky to live a sliver of your life vicariously through your blog.

    Thank You Jenny. Thank You.

    Stevo

  189. Jenny, thank you so much for that video. I’m struggling to put into words what I want to say. So I’ll say this. You are a hero of mine. Your honesty, your frankness, your wit and humor are unmatched. I am so glad that someone I look up to and admire so much actually understands me. Me. I immediately after watching this made a video from myself, to myself. And I feel like a huge weight just got taken of my chest. Depression does lie. It’s cunning. It’s destructive. But I want to fight. Suicide is an epidemic in my family. I lost my little brother last year. And my dad, twenty years ago last month. It seems like my family has dealt with every kind of mental illness there is. But I want to fight still. Thank you for giving me another tool to use in this battle. You are amazing. Thanks for just being you.

  190. I’ve been experiencing one of my bouts of depression for the last couple of weeks and I needed to hear this. Thanks, even though you made my cry. πŸ˜›
    Hope you start to feel better soon.

  191. Hi Jenny, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of tapping (EFT) to help with anxiety and many other issues. It might be something to look into to help; another tool for you to use, if need be. Here’s the link: http://www.thetappingsolution.com Their annual Tapping Summit is coming up May 7th where you can learn all about it, what it is, how to use it, how it works (based on acupressure points) from many different experts and people who use it to combat pain, anxiety, stress, overwhelm & more. I plan on watching it and have started using it on my own worries, stresses, and mild anxieties. It’s quite interesting and I’m seeing/feeling some good results!

    I’m sending lots of positive healing wishes your way! I also hope this information might be helpful to others too (in addition to other things they are using: therapy, medication, writing, music…). Take care. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

  192. Depression is a lying bastard. I’m apparently on the same cycle as Jenny. What helps is knowing that we’re not alone.

    http://anervousticmotion.com/5951/depression-is-a-lying-bastard/
    Life is not rainbows and unicorns. Sad things happen. Bad things happen. But these do not cause depression. And I, for one, will not let them define me. I’m calling you out, depression. I know what you’re trying to do to me. So I’m not staying silent. Your move, you lying little bastard. Your move.

  193. Thank you for that. I struggly with Anxiety and thinking I’m not good enough. I guess self harm comes in all forms, because I don’t cut myself or whatnot. But I probably drink to much. On that note. Your final words made me cry. Hope you are feeling better. We all love you!

  194. After dealing with depression for years by myself, I found your blog and started one of my own. Still dealing with lots of things. Still not able to articulate lots of things. But I am able to type and share with people. I am now in the process of finding a therapist (besides you because, Hey, I can only drink so much tequila). Thank you for helping me realize it’s not just a “thing”

  195. Wow, what an amazing video. You are a strong woman, Jenny! Thank you so much for posting this. I randomly found your website a few days ago and I’m so glad I did. You sound so much like me and many other people I know who have struggled with and are struggling with depression and anxiety currently. Thank you for being so open and honest, putting yourself out there like that isn’t easy and you really showed how doing something like that can have a positive impact on so many others. I just recently started going back to therapy – after about two years away from it – and it’s helping so much. I won’t go back to medication because I had so many bad experiences with it, but at times it was really helpful to me too. I am also struggling with several chronic health issues – which make the depression worse – and vice versa, it’s just a big ugly cycle. But I’m working through it and trying to stay as positive as I can. Thank you so much again for the post. You’re awesome and you are right – we are all in this together!

  196. I know I posted just a while ago, but I wanted to share this with you.

    I posted a link to this video on my Facebook page, with the message “For anyone dealing with depression, or who knows someone dealing with depression or other mental illness – you need to watch this video. Once again, Jenny Lawson is amazing, and you need to hear what she has to say.”

    Less than half an hour later, a good friend posted that she was “done dealing with this for the last few years alone. Anyone have a name of a ‘good psycologist dealing with stress and depression that’s in the Blue Cross/ Blue shield network in Chicago? Could really use it.Can’rt deal with the stress on my own any more.”

    She’s already received several suggestions and links for sites describing the different kinds of therapists and counselors, so that she can get an idea of where to start, as well as lots of encouragement.

    So – you did that. Someone is going to get help because of you. Thank you.

  197. I really want to thank you for posting this video. I think you are a wonderful person and it helps me to see that I am not the only one who deals with these feelings. Coincidentally, I began using the techniques that you mentioned a few months ago and they really do help especially the one about telling myself that my thoughts are simply in my head. Once again thanks for the video.

  198. Thank you. Those last sentences brought tears raining down. I really needed to hear this today.

  199. depression is a lying bitch-whore. thanks for sharing your insightful experience, and your spot-on advice.

  200. Thanks for opening yourself up and sharing. I always feel weird or awkward when I tell people that I feel anxious, depressed or melancholy. As if the only proper emotion is enthusiastic. Boring, happy people….
    You are a breath of fresh air.

  201. I am reading your book. It may kill me as I am laughing so much that I am getting breathless due to allergy caused bronchitis. I laugh and then I start to cough and my lungs seize up and I might die but I will die laughing thanks to you.

    I hope that wasn’t depressing or anything.
    Spoiler alert:
    Not to get anymore depressing but I also had a doctor tell me in a flat, unemotional voice, “your baby is dead.” This was also my first pregnancy so I can relate.

    This is depressing.

    To cheer up I also did some HR work. I had an application with a 3 page explanation of why the Domestic Violence charge on the applicants record was totally not her fault. It involved gangs, drugs, and a police chase. She was not hired because she didn’t have the right educational background.

    I love you.

    Katy

  202. It took me three times to actually watch this. First time, the family interrupted me. The second time, I started reading the comments and weeping inconsolably (the Shakespeare quote killed me for some reason). The third time, I only had to pause twice (wotcha watching Mom?). Sigh… Okay, I won’t leave. I was at the train station with those big engines and I didn’t leave. I agree with you, it is something in the air or some psychotic cycle (anti-seasonal disorder–we’re getting too much sun?)? I am feeling completely broken tonight and very fragile and your video is just what I needed. You are so beautiful and badass, Jenny. Thank you for your amazing blog, book and tour (yay Northern California!). And thank you saying, “Don’t leave.” I really appreciate it.

  203. Thank you so very much for posting this. I have generalized anxiety and depression (and hypochondria). For the longest time, I thought I was just shy and quirky, suffering from frequent headaches and stomachaches. It’s only in the past few years that I was actually diagnosed and started to be treated for it. I take an anti-depressant, I have alprazolam on hand for the bad panic attacks, and I recently started seeing a therapist who uses ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), which I’ve found incredibly helpful. I try to be as open as I can with my friends, my coworkers, and anyone who reads my tweets and blog posts. But by far the most important things to remember are:

    * WE ARE NOT ALONE.
    * DEPRESSION LIES.

  204. IT DOES LIE. and forso long. and then even when you’re over the depression (if you are one of those lucky few) , it sneaks up and tells you about how much you’ve missed while you’ve been depressed/
    I wrote a not very epic blog about a poem that every depressed person should read. It describes SO WELL. This poem was my personal realization of OMG there are other people like me and hey hurt just as deeply

    http://brokensaints.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/having-it-out-with-melancholy/

    it’s not just depression, it’s the recovery after, if you’re lucky to get to the after.

  205. Jenny. Thank you. Thank you for being a real human. And for sharing your talents with the world. And for being broken (funny – that’s how I always refer to myself!). And for being BRAVE. I pray you keep it up, and scream it from any soapbox you can find. This disease needs more champions like you!

  206. When I thanked you at the end of your Corte Madera signing and quickly and quietly said you had helped me, this is how. (I don’t know if you remember…you’ve probably met a million people who’ve said the same thing!) I need these reminders. Daily. Please keep reminding us that depression is a lying bastard. It’s so hard to forget.

  207. I’ve been well for about a decade, and I am at once so very glad along with somewhat surprised to be able to say that.

    My family, both sides, has suffered from severe mental illness for at least a 3 generations, and I too picked up the (unwanted) flaming brand when I was born.

    I feel, acutely, the statement you made about how opinions and general interactions have changed in the last few decades – I am a child of the 70’s, and spent up to the age of 16 terrified of everything, and people treated me as an outcast as a result. From sixteen I doubled back and masked the fear with some really poor behaviour, toward myself and others (s’okay, there aren’t any bodies to be dug up – I just wasn’t a particularly nice human being – to anyone, myself included)

    During my twenties I lived in a pit. No way forward, and none back. For the most part I was numb. At other times I had an active and very real desire to not be there – or anywhere.

    Then in my early thirties something turned the switch off. I am unaware of what it was, or why – although I suspect I know a large part of the reason.

    The person with me through my 20’s is now my wife – she just knew where I was at, no drama, no judgement – she just knew. She’d tell me it was going to be okay, she’d always stand up to the demon.

    In short she was (and still is) my angel.

    In January we’l be remarried in Vegas for our 10th wedding anniversary, a day after our 17th year of being together. I can’t even conceive of trying to tell the Me-guy of 17 years ago that I live the life I do, and am so loved. I wish I could…

    This is the first time I have written about my illness in a public forum.

    It’s time more people stood up, as you have done.

  208. You did a wonderful job with this video. It was more moving, truthful and real than any other video I have ever seen about depression. I myself suffer from Severe Anxiety Disorder, and like you I have major depression. Some days I’m up and some days it knocks me on my butt! It can be hard just to ‘shake it off’. I wish it were that easy! I have felt at times that it would be better if I wasn’t here. Then I remember that I have 2 children that would be very sad and maybe scared for life. That keeps me sane during those crazy times. There are also mornings that before I even get out of bed that a weight sits on my shoulder and feels like ‘doom and gloom’ and it makes me feel paralyzed with fear. Therapy can be a life saver. It has helped me to voice my fears, whereas I used to hold it all in. I am wishing you the best of luck with your anxiety and depression. I myself know that it is not easy or fun.

  209. i spent the weekend before last laughing all the way through your book…
    and tonight your video-message was just what i needed…
    through the tears,
    thank you,
    ~j

  210. I hope you know how much you help people. How much you’ve helped me. This video had me in tears. I really don’t know what to say. Just…thank you

  211. I do want you to know I posted this video on my Facebook and I have ordered your book for my daughter who suffers from depression and anxiety. It has been a bad few months for me and your book makes me laugh. I can’t remember laughing for a long time. Thank you.

  212. I wasn’t expecting the last bit of the video. Thank you for making me cry. We need that told to us every now and then. πŸ™‚

  213. This video really touched me and what I’m going through. I’m so glad you have the strength to reach out to others and give them support and encouragement.

  214. And now I have one more reason to love you. Thank you so much for this video. Thank you for being you and for sharing you with the rest of the world. I will be able to look at myself and say, “Jenny says, ‘please don’t leave'”. And I’ll say it back, “please don’t leave”, we love you and want you. Take good care of you! Here’s to happy days!

  215. Thank you for your strength and honesty. You are giving a voice to those that don’t have the courage to fish up for themselves….yet. My step sister attempt to take her own life last week and for a while it looked like she may have succeeded. As anyone who has battled this demon I know how lonely it feels but you are speaking up and because if it many of those suffering know they aren’t alone. Thank you. YOU ARE AMAZING!

  216. Thanks so much for this video. I’m having a really hard time this week, today in particular, and your video really helped remind me of some important aspects of this illness. The biggie for me is that I think my doc and I need to revisit my meds. I’ve known that this med didn’t seem to quite be right for some time, but the whole “switching meds” thing is can be sooooo awful, so I’ve been avoiding it.

  217. I have bad panic attacks too. They feel like an airplane emergency manual…except not the standard issue one, but the one where all the passengers are panicing and the plane is on fire. You can image search that one if you like.

  218. “You are important.”

    That’s the first time someone has said that to me and I’ve believed it in as long as I can remember. Thank you.

  219. Thank you for posting this. I love that you can say things in a way that people can relate to, that you can be so honest about the things that you struggle with, and that you are making it okay to talk about how you think and feel. I’m in my 20s and have been working towards becoming a psychologist. Part of that has involved working with teenagers with severe anxiety and depression, including suicidal ideation, that is breaking them down every day. I could not agree more strongly with your sentiment that “depression lies” and would like to add that “anxiety lies”, too. Every day I would see these gorgeous kids losing hope and a sense of who they were because their brains were telling them that they were worthless or that they should fear everything. I admire them every day for taking each step that felt achievable despite how hard it is. I see their families who love them desperately, who will do anything to help, but struggle to know what to do or how to understand. I see all of their amazing qualities that get hidden from them by their anxiety and depression. And, I’ve seen them come out the other side and remember their strengths and face the things that they used to find hard. Every day they, like you, inspire me to be a better person. And yet, in the midst of this, I’ve experienced my own big burst of anxiety and depression and struggle every day with people and doing simple tasks. This is a so hard for me because I am the person that works with people like me, knows the strategies, knows that mental health issues are a lie and I STILL CAN’T convince myself of this when it comes to my own life, or find the courage to tell people how I feel. I have to take time out from doing the one thing I want to do and be, because I can’t even cope with myself right now. This only shows me how depression and anxiety are the biggest liars of them all. I’m trying to work up the courage right now to see a professional colleague about my issues because I know that they won’t judge, that I need help and that it can get better, but it’s still really hard. So, thank you again, for getting this out there and making it okay. Good luck to everyone who is struggling. You are not alone. It will get better.

  220. You are so eloquent and warm-hearted and brave and generally awesome, Jenny. I know you’ll pull through, keep strong.

  221. My mom thinks that panic and anxiety attacks have to do with solar activity, and that more panic/anxiety attacks are related to them. I’m not sure what to think about what she says, but both me and my mother have an anxiety disorder.

  222. Depression lies… but I’m glad I’m broken. Although, I have to say, today I am not feeling the second part of that so much. I needed your message today. I really did. Thank you. The timing could not have been more perfect. I had just updated my (sad and pathetic) blog with the struggles I have been going through with my Bipolar disorder lately. Today wasn’t a good day. In fact, I headed over here for a laugh in the hopes of ending my day/night on a good note. No laughs, but lot of love. Even if it wasn’t meant specifically for me, I felt it. I needed it. Thank you.

    “Depression lies.” I needed that. I really did. Much better than “This too shall pass,” but it will. And when it does, I will once more be glad I’m broken. Thank you.

  223. Depression is a real bag of crap. I’m deep in the pit of it at the moment, and doing everything I always do to keep treading water. Putting my bra on every morning and making sure the kids get fed. I’m no fun, I cannot wash my hair or settle down to changing the bedding, but I’m spending hours painting my nails, (self medication) and spending hours on my blog and reading other peoples. Therapy helped me the first time, this time I feel I don’t really have anything I can point to and say ‘s/he did it’ so i know that it’s a serotonin issue and I just have to ride it out. I have no flowery words of support or glib little -isms just wanted to add to the number of people who this post touched and be counted as one of many, a tribe, who are all in this together.
    Or, as my Grandad would have said, Chin Up Love.

  224. Thank you for that. I’ve read your blog for a long time and I never posted a comment, but now I just want to say thank you for answering this question here and for being such an open and amazing person, it really helps to know there are so many others out these somewhere. For some reason, this made me decide to buy your book today and I know I won’t regret it. Honestly, thank you.

  225. What a wonderful experience to watch and hear someone talk so openly about their most inner demons. Mainly because I have the same ones! 22years since being diagnosed with bipolar, and yes the mind does tell you enormous “porkies” and I need to remember that it is not true. Many thanks.

  226. You are an amazing person and incredibly brave for sharing with the world. Keep kicking ass Jenny. The world is definitely better with you in it.

  227. This Saturday I woke up and ordered one of your Depression is a Lying Bastard buttons for myself. I plan to pin it to whatever bag I happen to be carrying with me every day because this last month has been one of the hardest I’ve had in years. One of my saving graces has been you, this blog, and all the other blogs I have found through you. You are one of my heroes, and have gotten me through some low ass times with your honesty and unmitigated hilarity and I cannot tell you how glad I am to have discovered the therapy group that is The Bloggess community. Thank you, as hard as it may be for you sometimes, for being so unapologetically you.

  228. Jenny, you are amazingly awesome!!! Thank you so much for posting this.

  229. Personally, I just wish I could find an actual effective drug for depression/anxiety. One I am currently on keeps me from walking around the house hating the world and thinking about a bleak future. Just still dont feel like doing crap! It gets old. My life is boring enough without me nixing shit I could actually be doing! I am also caught in that Catch-22 of having to go out to meet people but you dont want to go out alone so you dont go out so you are alone so you dont meet people, etc. I just need somebody to lean on when I am in a crowd of strangers and/or to say we have something to do, come on. I will usually go if someone else says lets go …just that I am not a very good motivator for me. Bah!

  230. It helped to hear you talk about wanting vs. not wanting your mental illness. So many great things have happened since and because of my suffering a profound loss that wouldn’t have happened otherwise…but I don’t want to have had the loss. Complicated and scary.

    Be well. Mel.

  231. Jenny,
    About 3 months ago I finally decided that I needed to come to terms with the depression that I’ve had for 12 years. The day I made my appointment with my therapist, I messaged you on Twitter. Your response meant everything to me, and it still does. This video felt like you were talking directly to me. I don’t have a very good support system, I don’t really like talking about it to anyone except my therapist, my family never suspected anything, and my boyfriend doesn’t understand or believe in therapy or drugs. Reading these posts from you and watching this video makes me feel so much less alone in all of this.

    I hope soon I’ll have the courage to blog about my experiences as well. I’m not quite at the point that I want to be public with my problems.

    Thank you so much for everything.

    PS Bought your book on Saturday, and I’m already more than halfway through! Can’t put it down!

  232. You are so wonderful…in every way. You may not have cried in your video, but I did while watching it. Thank you for sharing the deepest part of yourself in such a real and vulnerable way. You help so many others by just putting into words what we cannot even think about speaking aloud. Depression is so hard, but you are right that it makes people who suffer from it feel more and see more deeply what lies beneath the surface of a smiling face. I think you are one of the most wonderful people on the planet…so so special. Keep being the funny, quirky, and vulnerable self that you are because that is what we love about your most. πŸ™‚

  233. I have SAD and winter times are very very rough for me. This winter, I discovered Vitamin D. Make sure you’re getting a good brand that delivers as much as it claims it does (try USP certified brands, which are tested for that). One thing I found — I went straight to a megadose like 4000mg/day and I had horrible painful constipation. Ya gotta ease into it. Also, I didn’t yet find out what they are, but megadosing without reason can have some negative consequences. I was a very happy guy (compared to usual) with 1000mg in the AM and another 1000 in the PM. Your mileage may vary of course, and ideally you should get tested because no sense taking more (nor less) than you really could use.

  234. Thank you for your empathy and honesty. And a big, huge full moon IS coming. A supermoon. So hang on, and get ready for the BEAUTY.

  235. Thank you for sharing! I’ve struggled with depression for several years. Therapy definately helps and a support system. Husband, Friends, the hobo down the road…whoever. Someone to listen and believe in you! You Rock, Girl! I like Rick C’s advice on Vitamin D, I’ve been taking as well…and think its helped keep me more even. I’ve tried drugs in the past (prozac and zoloft) and prefer life without them…but I am sure there are better alternatives these days.
    Thank you for making me laugh and cry and love all in the same moment!

  236. Your honesty is amazing, and I am sure that it has helped so many. Both those struggling themselves and friends and family watching their loved ones struggle.
    I deal with some mild seasonal depression, and I know it is mild but it still drags me down and takes me to that dark place. Knowing what I go through, I feel so much for people fighting stronger issues than I. Today is May 1st, which is my symbolic corner to turn, away from the darkness and into the sun. Here’s to being in the light!

  237. Thank you for posting this. I had a horrible weekend. I had panic attacks for the first time in my life and was at the dr. at 8am on Monday morning getting medication and making follow-up visits. Yesterday I felt normal for the first time in a while and today is even better. Thanks for making me feel like I am not alone.

  238. I have depression, anxiety and chronic pain from fibromyalgia. Having just been let go from my job last month, after just returning from a disability leave, I now also have a legal issue on my hands. That, I have chosen, however. I’ve stayed fairly together through this last month, but as a matter of self-preservation we’ve changed our vacation in May from going to New Orleans to going to a beach vacation in Puerto Vallarta. I think recognizing that I haven’t “crashed” yet from the recent events is good, but recognizing that the stimuli of New Orleans’ (the wonderful city that it is) may not be good for me, is even better. It’s these little things, this self-awareness that has kept me going.
    We hide the Tylenol 3 around here.
    And I got a puppy last August. He is my world. And he gets me outside. He’s also a good listener. A goldendoodle.
    Thank you Jenny, for making is easier to get these words out there. xo

  239. I actually watched the whole thing, which is rare for me. I usually don’t have the attention span for video. You engaged me. I have been in treatment for years now. I have “major episodic depression” and anxiety and other stuff I’d rather not say. Thanks so much for sharing. I cannot tell you how many times my therapist has said to me, “That’s the depression talking.” It is so, so true but I don’t always know this. Being honest with people is helpful and recently I’ve found that keeping a journal — not a deep thoughts journal — but a journal writing down even the mundane tasks I’ve completed gives me some peace and makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Writing down my worst thoughts, without analysis, helps get them out, too. “I’m worried that . . .” or “I’m beating myself up because . . . ” I don’t know, it helps. Anyway, thanks for sharing. As for meds, I, too believe that the right meds can be very helpful, but that the process can take a while. When changing meds it is so important to talk to your doctor about withdrawal, mine didn’t help me or warn me and it was hell. See my post, “Getting Off The Meds” http://wp.me/p1sXPw-ct Sun, physical activity and trying to mind comic relief is helpful, too. Thanks again so much for sharing

  240. Damn you Jenny, for making me cry at the end. But also, thank you for being an advocate for this. It helps immensely to know that I’m not the only one dealing with a case of the crazies, because sometimes it really feels like I am.

  241. Jenny, you are a smart, funny, talented and beautiful. You are a wonderful person, and reading your blog (and book– please come to Buffalo on your tour!) has made many crappy days happier for me! I know this is likely no consolation, and it won’t change what you’re dealing with, but I wanted you to know just how great I think you are!

    –Michelle

  242. Wow. I’m so moved by your words and grateful you are reaching out to the world by sharing your story. You are making a huge difference in ways you will never know. Go Jenny! ~Lots of Love…xcoxo~

  243. Ernest Hemingway – β€œThe world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

  244. Thanks for being so brave to talk really honestly about this stuff. I’d like to emphasize the importance of diet and exercise — its literally saved my life. The first thing I look at when I start sinking into a depression is if my diet has gotten shitty or if I haven’t worked out/gotten outside enough lately. Frequently that is the culprit, although sometimes you do everything right and it still happens. You just have to remember this too, will pass.

  245. Wow…I have loved you since you brought home Beyonce! I feel like you are me in so many ways. I have suffered from deep depression for at least 16 years and probably many before I realized what hell was wrong. I have done the drug thing and taken myself off with devastating consequences. I have been on a cocktail of drugs for over twelve years and have resigned myself that I will be for the rest of my life. Self harm is very real. If you feel it coming on, TELL SOMEONE, ANYONE. Sunshine and exercise are always good, depressed or not. I have found that my Happy Lite [artificial sunlight with no tan :(] is extremely helpful on gray days. It has taken me years to get to a place where I am comfortable with who I am. The fog has lifted for awhile, a long while I hope. May God, your family and friends be with you as you conquer this ugly illness. And your friend was right…DEPRESSION LIES! It is a lying son of a bitch that must be ignored!

    I am so loving your book right now. I have laughed hard enough at night to wake my husband. He doesn’t get it. Although, I will say he is my rock and I am lucky that he finally sees that I am broken but I’m a big girl and can face it head on. Take care and thanks for the exposure. We depressed folks need all the help we can get.

  246. I just have to say how much I love that you are reaching out to so many people struggling with the same thing. One of Depression’s lies is that you are alone…and you are proving over and over again that THAT is not the case.

  247. This made me cry because I really really needed it right now. Last thursday I spoke to some mental health professionals to get some long term therapy because I’m better then I was, but I still need help and I’ve been struggling for the last week.

    I will also say that for self harming I’ve discovered writing on my arms with a sharpie helps. Especially writing nice things to my self. For instance I’ve taken to writing the word ‘strong’ on my wrist. This works because a) I’m marking myself and it gives me that sense of release and of marked skin without hurting myself and b) it’s a CBT thing, once you start writing nice things on your arm it gets easier and lifts your mood, then when it starts to drop again you have reminders of positive things.

    They don’t have to be words like ‘brilliant’ but things like ‘honest’ or ‘cares’

    Also I would say tell someone. If you can’t tell them directly write them an email or a letter but don’t bury it.

    And thank you Jenny, this was something I needed

  248. I’m not a sufferer of mental illness in the traditional sense (beyond some mild anxiety) but I am a sufferer because my very best friend in the whole world is a sufferer. Hearing the way you write about it and talk about it has helped me to understand her pain better. For that, and for being the awesomesauce woman you are, I thank you.

  249. anxiety is a lying bitch. no, even worse, it’s a catty clique-ish high school girl. i’ve been feeling twinges of it, so i’m guessing this full moon is going to be a bad one. thus, i’ve been hoarding my xanax and cymbalta to prepare. i looove that you said “we are all in this together” it makes me feel so much less alone. thank you. and loves. much loves.

  250. You would think that by the time you get to my age you’d know better but a couple of years ago now I bought into the hype that I should just start a gratitude journal, pull up my big girl undies and deal with my life unmedicated. I went off my Effexor for 18 mos. Every day was a struggle. Finally I said “Fuck it.”and went back on my meds.

    Best decision ever.

  251. Thanks you so much for making and posting this video. I have struggled personally with everything you talked about, and I applaud your courage to be vocal and public, and to use your experience to help others. I think right now is a period that a lot of people are experiencing a resurgance of issues, as many people I have talked to are going through a difficult phase right now, myself included, and your video was very helpful, and reminded me of some things I need to do to take better care opf myself. I am also sending it to a friend who is struggling deeply with depression and suicidal thoughts right now, and I hope that it will help her. Thank you for your blog, it is a source of great joy and uplifts my mood–the ultimate mood enhancer–with no side effects!

  252. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    I needed this so bad. I think I’m going to have to print out those last few lines and put them somewhere I’m going to see them a lot for awhile. “The people in your life want you there…Don’t leave.”

    Thank you for showing us that it is possible to be amazing and beautiful and hilarious and bigger than words, but still struggle with the same things that so many of us do. Your grace and ability to keep rising above this depression demon…it gives me such hope that I can one day do it too.

    Thank you.

  253. You are really awesome. No seriously. Because it’s SOOOOO hard to talk about this stuff. I know I have trouble just telling my friends about what I go through and/or have been diagnosed with and how that effects me. I have been on a campaign in the last 2 years or so to be more open about who I am (I’m me, ya’ll, and if you don’t like it, too effing bad!) but it doesn’t come naturally because I’m totally an introvert and shy and anxious as hell. So you get major bonus point kudos for being so brave!

    I really like the phrase “depression lies”. It is a great way to sum up the problem of listening to your own mind when it’s full of shit. Or more full of shit than usual.

    I also love that you said “your brain is part of your body too” that is how we should all view it. Not the way I was raised which is totally “suck it up you whiner” and “depression doesn’t exist”. Yeah. So not helpful!

    Therapy and drugs are awesome. Anyone considering them should totally get them! But like Jenny said, legal prescription ones, and monitored by a doc because sometimes they are most definitely NOT the right one for you, but then you find the right one for you and you are fully happy and relieved and free to write long run-on sentences on your fave person’s blog every day instead of hiding under the covers.

    Thank you Jenny Bloggess You. Are. Great.

  254. One of the things I try to do during an episode is ask myself if I would stand for someone else to say the things to me that I am saying to myself. Generally the answer is no, because if someone told me that I was worthless, useless and a total loser, etc., I’d probably punch them in the face. Also, when depressed, I avoid alcohol like the plague – it makes the bad feelings a million times worse, in my experience.

    Another thing I do is visualize all the ugliness in my head as something truly disgusting that I’m holding in my hand. Then I imagine my hand just setting it down, all the while repeating to myself, “Just put it down. Just put it down.” That one actually sounds silly but helps so much.

  255. I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said or expressed a thousand times, but I follow your blog, I suffer from depression and anxiety and, your video made me cry – not because it was sad, but because it was so nice to hear someone understand and say so eloquently what is so hard for me to describe. “Depression Lies” is one of my new favorite mottoes… and I’m going to add “Don’t Leave” to it also. Thank you for being so brave. I’ve never commented before because, how could someone as awesome as you, with a book and famous blog and is so funny and so witty, have time or care about someone as lost and broken as me. But – maybe we can all help each other. So thank you for coming out of one of your lows and sharing with us. I am going to add this video to the mix of my personal mortar, which I will use to hold my broken pieces together.
    And with grateful tears, I say again, Thank you Jenny.

  256. While I know it won’t fix everyone, for those who have only recently started to have anxiety and/or depression–it may be your diet! When I cut out wheat, soy, and canola/vegetable oil and started eating lots of animal fat, the weird freakouts and creeping sense of dread went away.

    that said, anyone know how Ally Brosh (Hyperbole and a Half) is doing? She dropped a depression post and vanished. I worry.

  257. I know there are a million comments about your post, but I just HAD to add my two cents.
    THANK YOU, for posting this. You have no idea how important and timely it was. πŸ™‚

  258. I shared your video with a dear friend of mine who is going through some major depression/anxiety issues right now. Thank you so much for sharing your insights & your caring for others.

  259. I’m not good with words but I just wanted to say that I LOVE this post. I just started seeing a doctor for my depression after almost 15 years of “dealing” with it on my own. Thanks for your honesty strength in sharing with others. I’ve learned that it’s OK to ask for help.

  260. I don’t suffer and I’m so thankful for that. Here’s to cheer, here’s to sunnier days and here’s a big FU to illnesses that not only make you ill, they lie to you!

  261. Isn’t “We’re all in this together” a song from High School musical? And I mean, really, that was a horrible rendition of what high school is like. At no time did my friends and I break out into song, especially not the jocks. I mean, yeah, I could see us band/theater kids doing it, but we never did. Ever. Disney lies. So wait, if Disney lies, does that mean Disney is like Depression? I need to look into this…

    *da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa* The More You Know.

    This (kind-of) positive post is brought to you by: anti-depression drugs. Mine are a mix of light and dark blue this prescription!

    -The End

  262. I have depression, anxiety, SAD, and chronic pain from fibromyalgia and degenerative disk disease. Over the past few days, I’ve been going through one of the worst depressive episodes I’ve had in a long, long time. I spent all day yesterday in bed reading your book, alternately crying and then laughing through the tears.

    Thank you for your video – I so needed that. It made me cry, but It also makes me want to fight this lying bastard called depression even harder. I actually feel a little better after watching the video.

    YOU are important. And wonderful. Don’t leave. I won’t either, ‘k?

  263. Thank you for posting. I just started treatment for anxiety, mild depression, and ADHD. I have been blogging pretty openly about it. I have worried how it might hurt my career, but it is time for this to stop being a taboo.

  264. I don’t want to suggest that depression and anxiety can be cured by a book, but you might want to check this out: http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Self-Help-Techniques/dp/159486425X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1335884612&sr=8-2 and this: http://www.amazon.com/EMDR-Breakthrough-Movement-Therapy-Overcoming/dp/0465043011/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

    Basically, the idea is that the way the brain processes information can be tweaked with specific rapid eye movements to help sufferers overcome anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. Work looking at?

    And Jenny? You’re awesome.

  265. So very sorry you’re going through a rough patch. A lying, stinking, awful fucker of a rough patch. Sending calm and happy karma your way.

  266. I am in the throes of a depressive episode and was feeling particularly bad as I sat down at my computer and I just burst into tears to find this post waiting for me. Your timing is impeccable. Depression lies. That is my mantra now too. Such good, strong, true words. Thank you from the bottom of my (sometimes miserable) little heart.

  267. You are such an inspiration. When you said “I want you there” it made me cry. So many times, I feel like people would be better off without me – depression LIES. And even though I know theoretically that my family needs me here, I still believe sometimes they don’t.

    Thank you for being broken because it makes it okay for us to be broken too. And it makes us see what we can accomplish when we are broken.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  268. When you combine all of your isssues, it starts to sound similar to my mix of Borderline Personality Disorder. I know they are not the same, but I can relate in so many ways.

    There are two things I felt I needed to respond to. First, self harm. Self harm is new to me. I never so much as thought about it and now just it is a real thing in my life. A large chunk of my blog never gets published. I have started writing when I am upset, or dealing with an overload of emotions. I can sort through my thoughts and pick out what is real and what is not.

    The second thing is drugs. I know that I need them to control my symptoms well I attend therapy. My husband and his brother, however, feel they are an unnecesary expensive. They don’t live inside the mess that is my head. I wish they could understand that they are a temporary thing for me. Listen to suppress my emotions and other symptoms long enough to learn to cope Then I can wean myself off of them in 5 years. Until then they are a must

  269. I think so many people are reaching out to you about anxiety and depression is because we are reading your book and empathizing with you.

    When I try to convey to my wife or friends just exactly how messed up some of my thought patterns are or the worries that I have that are so completely asinine that logically I KNOW they won’t come true but emotionally I FEEL like they will, I’m usually met with looks of complete incomprehension or statements like “Oh we all have bad days.” or “Why don’t you just tell yourself differently” or something similarly perfectly logical but completely without understanding. SOOO, when someone else comes along as is just as messed up (ok in your case more so) as we, and seems perfectly approachable, people feel like they have to connect with that person that “gets it”.

    Yeah, that’s right. I just dropped a nugget of wisdom on your ass. You’re welcome.

    Oh and thank you for being brave enough to share what most people suffer in silence with.

  270. Lithium Orotate helps type II depressives. My spouse and I both use it, with good effect. It smooths the cycles and helps us be much calmer without dulling emotions. It’s not the same as Lithium Caltrate, which is very hard on the body, and is sold as a food supplement without prescription.

  271. Thank you, Jenny. I have fibromyalgia and it’s usually well controlled by medication (a big YAY! for better living through modern chemistry). Every once in a while, the fibro monster and it’s lethal sidekick, depression, break loose and try to screw with me again. I’ve been feeling it lurking, looking for a way out, for the last week. It’s so helpful, such a relief, to hear from you and all the other people leaving comments here that I am not alone, and that my thoughts and my pains are a disease, not me. THANK YOU ALL!

    By the way, I love your book, Jenny, but I can’t read it before I go to sleep anymore because my laughing and snorting keeps waking up my partner. I know it’s weird to be proud of a complete stranger but I am so proud of you. I wanted to cry when I saw your book at the top of the NYT list. I love it when I see broken people succeed. It reminds me that I can succeed, too, even if I am broken.

  272. Thank you for making this video. Since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I have spoken about it in public a lot. I don’t hide that I have it or that I’m on medication for it. I’m trying to do my part to make the social stigma go away. I also hope that maybe someone out there hears me and decides to get help.

    This video made my heart swell! Not because any of us suffer through the depression and anxiety, but because it’s one more person out there in the world talking about it. It’s a hard thing to talk about and I often get a bit teary, but it needs to be done.

    Hugs to all! And remember, we want you here.

  273. It’s totally the moon I bet. Worst one ever last Saturday night, with a bunch of friends, at a club away from home. Suddenly the room, everyone in it, and my whole head fell into a panic attic with a side of claustrophobia. Once I managed to escape back to where we were staying, my head proceeded to tell me that I ruined my husband’s night out with his friends that he hardly gets to see, and he would have every right to be upset about it. Days later he’s still reminding me that I was the only person in that room he cared about at that moment. And that’s why I know it’s going to be ok.

  274. Wonderful. Thank you for posting this! I struggle with my anxiety and depression, and am recently emerging from a particularly bad battle that has left me scarred. At least, I think I’m emerging. The worst thing for me, in a way, is the uncertainty of the climb back up – am I really getting better, or is this a momentary let up before I start drowning in it all again?

    Thanks for your words. I’ve shared your video on my blog, since you put it so eloquently.

  275. Jenny, thank you again for doing this. The more amazing people like you open up, the better it will be for all of us. Just always remember that you are never alone. {{{hugging you}}}

  276. Jenny, you are wonderful and caring and brave to speak out this way. I have said before I know where you are coming from, with my own depression and anxiety issues, and a bag full of pills that I take every day just so I can sort of function. Some weeks are better; some weeks are worse.

    Love, you have a book at the top of the NY Times bestseller list. Remind yourself of that. I know, Depression lies, it tells you it doesn’t count, it tells you it was a fluke, it tells you all sorts of evil things. But look at the hundreds and hundreds of people who want to read what you say every day. It is not a fluke. You are brilliant and wonderful.

    You are beautiful, too.
    Hang in there. I’ll try to, also. We damaged people have to stick together.

  277. Thank you for sharing this. I hope I can be as strong as you. When I’m really down, I like to look at your posts about depression – reminds me that I’m not alone, and it’s possible to be awesome despite the sad.

    I’m going to go look up shrinks now. Thank you again.

  278. The past week has been hell! I have one hand clutching the rim of that black hole! I am holding on tight trying not to slip in! I agree it must be the moon!!!!!! Hoping this is over soon! Thanks for the video it’s helped me hold on!

  279. Thank you, Jennie, for this today. I needed to hear someone tell me I’m important. I don’t feel that, and my daughters have shoved me out of their lives, and family is gone. I have my dh, but he doesn’t get it, he has Asperger’s and doesn’t understand the need for connecting with another person so much. I have friends, and they help. I just sometimes feel all alone.

    YOU HELPED ME TODAY!!!!!

    You didn’t cry, but I did. And it’s ok.

    Thank you.

  280. Jenny, I’ve been there, it’s a hard place ..it’ll be okay, and you are totally right, this life is worth living, no matter what the nasty voices say.