Nothing, really.

in Random Crap

I don’t really have anything particular to say today but I have new pictures of Hunter S. Thomcat and it feels selfish to keep them to myself.

One of these pictures is of HST trying to catch a bug.  The others are of him just trying to walk a straight line.  That cat needs to get off the damn sauce:

He has a problem. A wonderful, highly entertaining problem.

He’s becoming quite musical:

We're not worthy.

At this point I’m considering enrolling him in a dance class.

The cat has talent.

213 thoughts on “Nothing, really.”

Read comments below or add one.

  19. Love love the dance class one!

    Even the real pics and your cat has more talent than our dogs.

    For comparison, our two dogs are napping beside me. One is snoring, one is farting…. they are somewhat in unison, does that count as talent…?

  22. At this point, it would be irresponsible NOT to enroll him in dance class…and then put him in the circus to make some money off of him. Dude’s gotta earn his keep.
    On a side note, I have those copies of the Bronte novels featured behind HST’s invisible piano. I just felt the need to share that.

  31. Oh how I miss having a cat! Our 18 year old passed on 3 years ago and now my daughter is to allergic so we can’t have one. I love that you share yours with us. One day I will own another and I hope it’s as cool as yours.

  34. He is very expressive with his lovely long tail! Communicating all kinds of subtle social commentary, no doubt.
    It’s lost on us, HST. We are indeed not worthy.

  36. All I can say is that HST is *obviously* the perfect cat for you!

    Also, have you considered sports photography on the side? Those are wicked action shots!

  41. LMAO! Truly an amazing cat. Mine are equally talented, in less entertaining ways. But if you ever need something clumsily broken, or need to be scared awake by cat paws slapping at you chasing your eyelashes while you sleep… BOY! Can these cats hooks you up!

    Just call me if you need that sort of thing. 😉

  43. Hah! I love the pic with the Highland dancers. I wonder what would happen if you played some bagpipe music for him.

    Your next book should be a kids’ book about the adventures of Hunter S. Thomcat. Illustrated with your photos. BESTSELLER.

  47. Drove an hour to Portland to Powell’s city of books to pick up your book for $26.50. I’m a cheap ass so I almost didn’t go through with it but after finishing it in one day, have to say, it was worth every penny. Even sort of teared up in the engagement chapter and did a lot of dry heave laughing. The kind where the person reading next to you in bed, keeps looking over and giving you the stink eye because he is clearly not enjoying his book as much as I am enjoying mine.

  52. I have that same copy of Wuthering Heights (with ink block pictures in it) that’s in the background of the invisible piano picture! I also have the Jane Eyre version…I collect different editions of Jane Eyre. It’s such a wasteful hobby (considering I’m paying for the same thing over and over again) but I cannot stop haha

  54. He’s a dance, dance, dance, dance, dancing machine
    Watch him get down, watch him get down
    As he do, do, do, do, do, do his thing
    Right on the scene

  56. I love him so much. He needs tiny pants.
    BTW…about 10 min. ago I was reading the chapter in your about acid. I spit out my Stella (thankyouverymuch – you owe me like .63) and my teenager was all, “what? what?” and I’m all, “oh, nothing” but seriously am considering reading it to her to warn her. But also worried she’ll think it’s so hilarious that she’ll want to one day have an experience like that to write about, too. Decisions, decisions….

  59. I wish I could get pics of my cat when she practices Ninja Cat Fly Catching. It’s the next Olympic sport. Looks like Hunter S. Tomcat is practicing already.

    You Go H.S.T.!

  60. The photographer in me would love to know how many shots you had to take in order to catch this on film (or digital–saying film says how old I am, doesn’t it?).

  61. NICE product placement…..there’s a rumor going around that you are writing a new book. True or False??? Love, your friend, Laurie F.

  64. And it would seem he has impeccable taste in reading matter as well! Please feel free to share more pictures of Hunter; he is too cute for words! (this coming from a total dog person.)

  79. So my husband is in the ICU after a bad motorcycle accident, and it’s been a beyond shitty couple days.

    He’s off the ventilator today and I showed him this post: we both laughed (although his was pretty weak). Thanks: it’s just the sort of distraction I needed to remind us that it’s ok to giggle even from a hospital room.

  81. Oh! Thank you! I’ve been hoping for more pictures of that wacky, drunken sailor of a kitten you have. Photos of Hunter S Thomcat are not nothing! I don’t know how he managed it, but that little kitten found the perfect match when he found you (and also the perfect captive audience for his hijinks- us).

  82. Hopefully we’ll all see him next year’s cat video festival at the Walker Museum Minneapolis?
    I hear 10,000 people attended this year.

  83. So adorable…makes me think I need another kitten…almost 🙂 Although, being stalked while I am sleeping as if I am prey was always a little creepy.

  85. I have a grown up kitty who is lovely and sweet and entertaining, but not like Hunter S. Thomcat – he is so dang cute!!! Keep those pictures coming.

  87. Between catching flies, walking a straight line, playing invisible, and also reading your book while playing invisible piano; I started to believe HST and I are the SAME BEING, and maybe I am HST. But then I saw the dancing picture and it totally restored my sense of identity because I can not dance at all (except for a wicked awesome moon walk). So, thank you for that specific picture, because now I don’t have to call my shrink.

  88. Such an awesome cat! And you get thee snapshots just at the right moments! My wonderfully impish cat is a dancer and paper shredder – no need to worry about privacy issues when paper is lying around… HST needs to get his own blog so he can make himself understood better, I think! 🙂

  89. Came here to read about kitty.
    Glanced at next post down, read about book.
    Went “holy crap, I got my first paycheck a couple days ago! Must buy book!”

    Will receive book in like two weeks. Totally worth it.

  95. I think Hunter needs his own blog. Seriously, Jenny. Let him Snark and Awe along with you. Perhaps he can be a guest blogger when you’re on vacay?

  96. I wanna kitty. :’0( I miss havin’ kitty cat. My fur-baby had to be put to sleep when I was 4 months preggo with my youngest daughter. It was then, I found out my eldest daughter’s asthma was caused in part by her allergy to cats. Damn it. Sooo, if I wanna another kitty. It has to be a bald one. I want a cat, but I don’t know. Hairless? What is the fun in that?!?!?

  97. I have the same version/printing of Wuthering Heights! One of my most treasured possessions.

  98. I really like the dancing cat pictures, and I’m still thinking about the people gathered around the tires outside Costco talking about your book. That is so impressive. I think that is in Phoenix, where it is really hot (I lived there before Albuquerque). Very impressive, that they would stand out there in the heat and talk with you. And the pictures of all of the people inside is not a surprise, the book is brilliant. My husband is now reading it. My friend is has read it 3 times, and it’s the rage on FB. You are a hit!

  100. O.K….so, to me, the “piano” shot reminds me of HST imitating Tom Waits. The step dancing one brings me to the point of wetting myself. And, at my age, that’s a distinct poss. You are too funny, Jen. I curtsy to your Blogness!

  102. Jen-If you can teach your cat to walk on its back legs, you should really teach him to wear pants, and a little hat. What the hell….throw in a vest too. Once that is mastered…we teach him to smoke a pipe!

  103. I love Hunter. I needed some ginja pics as it has been a bad week for me – my dog passed on Monday and it has been rough. Thanks Jenny for being awesome!

  106. Love the kitten belly!!! My Dewi turned 1 according to the vet records on 8/19.
    On 8/20 he had a little ‘jungle pouch’!!!
    Those taught little pooched out kitten bellies must be appreciated!!!

    They grow up so fast…

  107. I love Hunter. He is so cute. Don’t they have the most amazing ways to help us feel better? Glad you are finding your moments of joy.

  108. Oh jeez, I totally just got busted at work. I was laughing so hard it was pretty obvious I wasn’t working on editing business books….thanks for a good laugh! I will now randomly stick my hands out and scream “invisible piano!” every opportunity I get. My poor colleagues and husband thank you. 🙂

    p/s Just so you know, your awesome book has traveled a continent or so…I’ll take a picture of it by the Petronas Twin Towers the next time we’re there and then you will have bragging rights.

  112. Jesus, my cats just suck up all the space in the bed and Internet gamble with my credit cards when I leave the house. I feel short changed, somehow.

  117. You have managed to make me want a kitten, even though my allergy to them would likely kill me!!!

  120. I sort of really want you to turn into a ‘cat lady’ and get about five more kitties.

    Even if it’s just for, like, a year or two. Then when you don’t feel like blogging or need a vacation and people say, “What happened to The Bloggess? She hasn’t posted in awhile.” Someone else can answer with, “Oh, didn’t you hear? She’s a cat lady now.” Then person one will nod knowingly with a soft, “Oh…” and there will be no damage done.

  127. So adorable! But with a name like Hunter S. Thomcat I doubt he will ever be sober. Brace yourselves!

  131. I love birds a little more than cats…But they looks awesome…Thanks a lot for sharing with us..

  133. Haha!!! Kittehs are hilarious creatures & so highly entertaining (unless, of course, it is my parent’s 18 pound kitteh who is more like a sloth than a cat 😉 ). But yes…video of these hijinks that HST is getting up to would be all kinds of awesome!! BTW, Wuthering Heights is one of my favourite novels 🙂

  136. My 10-year-old saw cat pictures and was instantly by my side and he howled with laughter at the dance class one and made me scroll up to invisible piano then down to dance class 3 or 4 times until some kids knocked on the door wanting him to go outside and play (and it’s only 5 after 9 on a holiday Monday).

  138. So, the picture of him on the table with the books? The two green books in the background are Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre, right? If so, i have those exact same copies!

    There’s no therapy quite like kitten therapy, is there? 🙂

  141. Your next book: HST dance class photobombs of awesomeness.

    You’re welcome. I only take a 5% cut. 😉

  142. I wonder how he would handle Bartok set to a metronome.

    (A reference that will completely bypass you if you’ve never had to learn piano as a kid. It’s no Irish jig, I’ll say that).

  144. The fact that he’s a true ginger should move him to the front of the call back list for The Riverdance! His moves will make him a star. Of course, this will be the perfect cover for his travels around the globe as a ninja for justice.

  145. My soon tobe mine stray kitty likes to mosh. Instead of rubbing your leg, she jumps up and moshes you to rub your thigh. She needs kitty dancing lessons. She is named Gypsy…our previous inhabitants were bonafied gypsies and abandoned her 🙁

  146. I hear all the kitten stars these days have to be triple threats … HST can dance and he can play piano, but CAN HE ACT? I’m pretty sure the world needs to see him doing Shakespeare. He’d be a ringer as an Elizabethan court jester. Imagine him chasing the bells on his own cap!

  147. If he’s going to be doing Irish step dancing, you should at least have him with guys. You wouldn’t want a cat with a gender identity problem you know.

  148. Michael Flatley is clearly Hunter’s bio-dad. I never liked that guy and now I know why… cat fucker.

  149. This is pretty cool. My cat only reenacts scenes from the Godfather II. Remember the scene when Michael Corleone takes a giant shit next to his litter box and then places it on his owner’s pillow? Yeah, she does that. I’m thinking of signing her up for Al Albert’s Showcase.

  151. There should be a ‘like’ button on your comments so I can go through and like the ones that make me laugh out loud. Just saying

  153. I think he’s really more of an interpretive dance cat rather than Scottish highlands, but the kilt could work for him.

  156. I am so relieved HST wasn’t around when I was playing piano and doing Highland dancing competitions. He would have smoked me.

  157. Also, that looks a little more like a cha-cha than an Irish dance to me, but that could be because I’m not hearing HST’s music…

  159. That’s a tabby for you. Keep the pictures coming, I miss my old boy and am not in a position to adopt at this time. Hunter fills a need in me. BTW I have a grey one, named Tab Hunter; “Hunter”.
    Found him playing matador in the middle of an intersection. Stopped traffic all ways (stoplight, with two lanes each direction). He was pretty upset things weren’t working out for him. Meowed all about it. Take car. Bless you.

  165. I kind of want to be BFF’s with HST even though we probably wouldn’t have a lot to talk about (his being a cat and all) but my God how we would dance!

  166. I hear you re; feeling selfish. My cat has done so many awesome things that make me feel like “really, WTF do I have to feel depressed/anxious about?” He inspires me to be myself w/o excuses or explanations. At the same time, I know a lot of other people struggle like I do, which makes me want to share more. And I feel confident, if I tapped into his brain right now, he would be thining–‘of course I’m awesome, who wouldn’t want to see me!?!’ Which makes me want to share, the winner of the ‘Internet cat video film festival’ in Minneappolis, of all places; here is the winner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M

  168. Alright, you’ve convinced me; I like cats now. The Hubs is allergic, though, so I’ll have to have a cat vicariously through you. I might need a taxidermied cat to get the most realistic experience possible. Do taxidermied cats shed dander? Pretty sure they don’t dance; that IS a let-down.

  169. Take HST to America’s Got Talent! I’ve heard that Sharon Osbourne has a soft spot for all animals, so then you would get a free trip to Vegas!

  171. Whorrified – my mom used to work at a vet and has always told me that male orange tabby cats are the craziest cats and to avoid them because they get mean as they get older unless you get them fixed super young (are you reading this Jenny?)

  172. I think he’d look HOT in argyle! I mean, great. Great in argyle. Not hot, because OMG that would be weird. Well it wouldn’t be weird if I were a female cat.. Plus even if I were a cat, I’d be like some sort of cougar cat (hey, look – pun! I didn’t even plan that!) but HST is just a baby and I’d be like… (47 X 7… NOBODY SAID THERE’D BE MATH!) really old in cat-years. So that would be wrong, even if I were a cat – wrong, wrong, wrong. But I’m totally human, I swear. And usually pretty normal, it’s just when I comment on a blog or leave a message on an answering machine, the whole thing sort of gets away from me somehow.

    What were we talking about?

  178. I had a really crappy weekend and a crappy morning after the labor day weekend so thanks for the giggles. It helped releave the pressure before my brain exploded from my head.

  183. Yay! Scottish Highland Dance Kitty! I used to do highland dance, so I could come perfect his technique if he wants to compete 🙂

  185. What a magnificent cat! My Manson was a terror at that age (hence, “Manson”.)
    My brain is conspiring to make me hate myself again (still?) and I always visit your blog when I’m low. Also, rereading your book is FANTASTIC therapy. The ex-lax chapter makes me laugh harder than any other collection of printed words ever has. Thanks for the medicine, I mean, the laughs. Same diff, hey?

  187. Next book to make it on the NYT Bestseller list: How to Play the Invisible Piano for Dummies by Hunter S. Thomcat.

  189. Naming a cat Hunter S. Thomcat and expecting him to stay off the sauce is like naming your kid Francis and expecting him not to come home from school with his shoe laces tied together and his lunch money confiscated. We all make decisions with consequences; hopefully Hunter will find some cat AA just like we all hope Francis will be a late bloomer who shows up to his high school reunion with rock hard abs, a six figure job and a hot wife.

  190. Hey, Bloggess! You recently wrote about your soul-crushing depression… You want to talk depression? My book barely has a PULSE, never mind still being on the NYT list after 4 months! NO ONE outside of my little home in the Niagara region gives a fuck about my work; of course, I know they have no reason to in the first place, but COME ON! “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” describes my entire writing career so far…
    I tell you what, Bloggess, I have a proposal for you: come up with some kind of crazy stunt for me to pull – short of breaking any laws, I’ll do WHATEVER you want – and I’ll do it, providing you review my book and give me your honest opinion and a blurb.
    I don’t expect you’ll see this or respond, but if you do, get creative and give The Hook a challenge worthy of the reward, okay?
    P.S. I’m going to repeat this message, as I’m sure you don’t have the time to actually read every comment. Hopefully, sooner or later, I’ll make contact and we can talk business.
    Talk to you soon, I hope!

  191. This cat is going places (albeit in a squiggly line)! Get him a manager, an agent and some tap shoes! Seems like he’s doing the “Thriller” dance in these pictures, but I have a gut feeling he can macarena like a champ, and moonwalk like a boss!

  193. I LOVE these! You get such great action shots! He’s cute. I love it. Thank you for sharing them!

  194. Hey! In the background of the Invisible Piano photo I can see you have the same copies of Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights that I have (illustrations by Fritz Eichenberg). Aren’t they the BEST? I hunted those down a few years ago and my mom bought them for me for Christmas. The illustrations are delightfully dark and twisted.

  196. A little off topic, but I just finished your book and LOVED it. Now I’m making my husband read it so he can understand me better…so thanks for that. 😉

  197. What really kills, is that very earnest look on Hunter’s face in the first pic. As if a cat is ever really earnest…unless tuna is involved.

  198. My new puppy is all about the bugs. Except he can’t actually catch them yet. Hopefully he just needs more practice.

    HST is such a cutie! Maybe teach him to play the guitar after he masters the piano.

  203. Seriously had tears of laughter streaming down my face at work. These are the days I wish I were witty and funny (on purpose, not just when I get sidetracked.)
    Thanks for your work!

  204. Poss someone else mentioned this but I didn’t read your other comments. There is a book about people dancing with their cats, and if you ever want to feel really mentally healthy compared to other people, this is the book for you.
    http://www.amazon.com/Dancing-Cats-Creators-International-Seller/dp/0811824152/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346969384&sr=8-1&keywords=dance+with+your+cat
    I used to live in Mauritania and we had an English bookstore and someone donated it, and my friend and I nearly peed our panties while reading it. Hysterical! And disturbing. I just hope these people don’t vote. I hope it brings you the joy it brought us.

  205. Do you have a super awesome camera or does he freeze in mid movement so you can snap the perfect photos? Just curious because my cats are assholes and insist on moving so I get lots of blurry crap. Maybe I need to teach them to pose. Hmmmmm………

  207. Kittens are so funny. They could be dancing, they could be going into seizure and you’re just never quite sure until their little eyes roll back in their head. Oops, it’s a seizure.

  210. In the first set of pictures, he looks like he’s having a close encounter of the third kind.
    That there’s a shadow under his back feet in the largest photo to indicate that he’s levitating confirms this for me.
    This leaves me with the following:
    1. HST could be a chosen Branch Dividien. In which case, you’d better get to makin’ him some white sneakers.
    2. HST has been chosen by aliens to represent our planet in intergalactic negotiations. Please make sure he takes some pictures of Will Wheaton collating with him. And some candy. I think Jolly Ranchers would be friendly.
    3. HST levitates. That’s equally cool and creepy, leaning more toward one than the other depending on whether he stays in one place or can move about the earth 2 inches above it. Movement = creepy. Stillness = Yoda cat. Also, this would mean HST could make it look like he’s walking on water, and wouldn’t that screw with a whole lotta people’s fundamental belief systems?

  212. Hey There, Saw you on Katie today and of course had to stalk your blog. You are hi-LAR-ious. I plan to stalk some more. I felt a strange need to tell you that I too have the Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre books that are on top of your piano. And want to be part of your alligator purse collecting family. That is all. Thanks for the great blog.

  213. I feel like for copyright reasons, and flattery, I should tell you that your image of HST highland dancing is now my cover photo on Facebook. If anyone asks, I will tell them where I got it. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Hailey and their sweetheart attempting to keep the HOA from sending me nasty letters about Bone Crawford still being up in December.
New Braunfels first Ren Faire feels like a hit. Also, I want a miniature cow.
Headed to the New Braunfels Renaissance Faire. If you happen to see Santa this morning say hi to my dad, who stayed up all night sewing jingle bells to his pants.
This month’s book club picks are The Wildest Sun by @ashalemmieauthor and Where the Dead Wait by @av_wilkes.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

%d