FUCKING CALM DOWN, AMERICA.

Laura:  Seriously?  The people across the street have had their Christmas decorations up for two weeks.

me:  They probably just forgot to take down last year’s decorations.

Laura:  Nope.  They’re new decorations and they put them up the day after Halloween.  FUCKING CALM DOWN, PEOPLE.  IT’S NOVEMBER.

me:  Are you yelling at your neighbors through the window?

Laura:  Maybe.

me:  I think you need to raise the stakes and put up your decorations for New Years Eve today.

Laura:  Meh.

me:  New Years Eve FOR THE YEAR 3000.

Laura:  And this is why we’re friends.

236 thoughts on “FUCKING CALM DOWN, AMERICA.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Ha. That sounds like my strategy. Last Spring, I never changed the clock in my twins’ bedroom for Daylight Savings Time. I saved precisely 10 seconds of my life when I didn’t have to change it back last weekend.

    Feeling smug and lazy.

  2. Hey Jenny, your state is petitioning to succeed from America. How do you feel?

    (A great deal of Texas is always insane and should never be taken seriously. ~Jenny)

  3. I will now begin my resolutions for 3000. They look a hell of a lot like the ones for 2013. Probably because I didn’t have the flipping energy to do any of them. I yell at people from the safety of my living room too. It’s so I don’t have a stroke.

  4. We did that one year, mind you I live in Canada so I figure that’s ok.

    (Crazy cold places get a pass because it at least feels Christmasy. We can still sun bathe here in Texas. ~Jenny)

  5. For real I left mine up all year once. But just the lights. And I didn’t turn them on when it wasn’t appropriate. But I just COULDN’T take them down. I feel like it balances out for all the years I don’t put anything up.

  6. I saw Christmas decorations in stores before my birthday.
    My birthday is September 22.
    Halloween had one week here and that was it.
    Christmas is getting three months and they aren’t even selling any cool toys.
    Halloween didn’t have any cool toys either. That was pretty depressing.

  7. There’s a house about a mile away from me that had all of their Christmas stuff up and out when I left for the grocery store around 10am on Nov. 1st. Every time I drive by at night, I want to stop and steal their giant inflatable world, then take it all back around 1am on November 23rd.

    Things like that make me want to hire midgets for the entire month of November to dress as Santa’s elves and break into peoples houses (that decorate WAY too early) all across the country in the hopes that people will be too scared to put all that crap out before the amazingness that it overeating on Thanksgiving. Not to steal anything, just maybe make a mess in the kitchen. Take a dump in the litter box. Use their razors. Silly stuff to try to discourage some of this sacrilegious behavior.

  8. The stores around us had X-mas stuff on display side by side with Halloween things. We bought our school supplies for the kids in June two weeks after school let out because that’s when the sales were. My five year said to me recently that I shouldn’t worry because if everything keeps shifting earlier and earlier eventually it will all line up where it should be again. I wish I thought he were right.

  9. Pretty sure Laura must live across the street from me. 🙂

    After fighting it for 13 years, I’ve finally gotten my husband to agree NOT to turn them on before Nov. 1st. Even if he puts them up on Halloween. Sad but true story.

  10. Oh, but the world would be so much less fun if we all fucking calmed down…

    I’m leaving my Halloween stuff up until the HOA threatens legal action. Random gnawed-off body parts and 2 dozen rats clustered around the gnawed ends… maybe in a couple of weeks I’ll throw some tinsel on that shit.

  11. I can handle the christmas tree, the christmas decorations, the holiday cookies (although the idea of eating cookies that have been on the shelf for months kind of gross’ me out. Not enough to not eat them of course but still……….) but seriously HEB Christmas Carols on November 10th????

    It made me a little grinchy.

  12. Some people down the street from us put theirs up the day after Halloween too.

    …and not to be outdone, the people next to them followed suit the very next day.

  13. Hahahaha…I can already catch on to the excitement through pinterest!! 😀 But its Diwali here in India so we actually have a reason to celebrate!! 😀

    Happy Diwali to you and us..your tribe!! <3

  14. I have always felt the same way…however, we are military and if you live within an hour of a military base, remember moms and dads leave and return all times of the year. That’s why ours won’t go up until close to Christmas but it won’t come down until after dad gets home sometime at the end of January. Just a thought…:)

  15. I was in Michael’s a couple of days after Halloween and there were Christmas carols playing and I sort of wanted to run out of the store. Sure, sell make your own wreaths kits and stuff, that’s fine. But keep the tunes to a minimum. Those of us who have to sing them for a living get enough of it in December. Please.

    Also @Girl to Mom- Heidi #15. Nobody would notice that if I did it. That’s the kind of neighborhood I live in.

  16. I went into a local store the day after Halloween, hell…it might have been BEFORE Halloween. That’s the end of my story.

    It had that cinnamon smell that fills the stores around Christmas, I saw ornaments, trees, wreaths, and Santa Clauses all over the place. It makes me sick!

  17. next the Christmas crap will go up when they take down the July 4th bunting. Yeah this is what the magi had in mind…crap from China over, under, and on every tree.

    bah humbug!

  18. My sister is literally putting up her Christmas tree right now. No word of a lie… she’s crazy.

  19. Oh my god. Haha. This is why we’re friends, so true. Excuse me while I ramble on moronically. You just seem to radiate humour. HOW?

    Also, you could have them all Futurama based if they were for the year 3000.

    P.S. Here in Australia I first saw the stuff in the shops in September. SEPTEMBER. Admittedly we don’t have any holidays in between (Halloween or Thanksgiving) but I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.

  20. I am one of those people who leave Christmas lights up all year long because I’m too lazy to take them down. Sometimes I turn them on in August just to fuck with people.

  21. Also, Ohio does a FABULOUS job of decorating for Halloween. Like, I don’t even understand how they do it. This is only vaguely related, but it’s important to me.

  22. THINGS LIKE THIS are the reason my blog is titled what it is.

    People here in Canada were having a SHIT FIT that Shopper’s Drug Mart stores refused to play Christmas music before Remembrance Day/Veteran’s Day.

    Seriously? WTF.

    Pre-mature E-music-cation is the reason I prefer to Christmas shop online. Shit’s too early.

  23. I leave my Christmas tree up all year round, is that bad? It is one of those god awful silver twiggy looking things so it’s not like it LOOKS like a Christmas tree without the baubles, and it’s an awesome place to keep my rosary bead collection!

  24. Heh! I saw TWO different people this weekend with Christmas trees on the roof of their car. One, don’t they realize those things will be so dry and dead by December and Two, we need to find the people selling these things so early and hurt them.

  25. Well that’s just plain *weird*.
    I had that EXACT complaint today.

    Besides, isn’t there a commandment that says decorations go up on 1st December?

  26. That’s nothing – you can buy hot cross buns (presume you have these in the USA for Easter??) in my supermarket at the moment….

  27. It’s always the first of each month that you decorate. Because that’s what makes it respectful. It used to be that you decorated to decorate. Now it’s to have others see what you do and have them think, “Hot snot, I need to go home and put up my own visible ornamentation of this overblown holiday so others may see and mend their lazy ways.”

    Personally I think you should re-arrange any inflatable characters you see so they’re posed in a naughty way. At night. Wearing balaclavas. And high heels. Just so it feels serious.

  28. Seriously, Laura could be my new BFF. Because yeah, the whole country has gone mad…was it the election? 😉 Turn off the damn Christmas music people. I still have my stupid rotting pumpkins on my porch!

  29. If other people can put Xmas decorations up the day after Halloween, I’m gonna start putting up my Halloween decorations up on labour day. First Monday in September, body parts and blood all across the lawn.

  30. I love your way of thinking, Jenny and Laura!! I’m seeing lights up and on and it’s irritating the shit out of me. November is for NaNoWriMo. Now, putting them up now because you get a nice weather day is perfectly okay in my book as long as you DON’T turn them on until at least after Thanksgiving. Eh, we’re usually lucky to get our tree up two weeks before Christmas and that’s only because I do Christmas baking better with the tree up. 😀

  31. Hobby Lobby was already loading their store shelves with Christmas decorations AT THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST. They didn’t even have all the Halloween stuff out, and there were all these carts and boxes of Christmas stuff being put out.

    It’s ridiculous. Every year this starts earlier and earlier, and by the time Christmas is here, I’m sick of it.

    Grey 😛

  32. AMEN LAURA!!!!!!!!!

    (Oh wait – I have my tree up already….. BUT I HAVE a good reason – my family from Florida arrives on Saturday – and they are staying 3 days – and we are having Birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving all in one weekend….. So the Living Room is Christmas, the Dining room is Thanksgiving and the rest of the house is a mess…. birthday I guess = “MESS”)

    Happy Birthday to Me on Friday….. 47 is going to be FABULOUS…. has to be better than 46, it sucked.

  33. Well, that escalated quickly.

    And here I was just going to modestly suggest putting up the Valentine’s Day decorations.

  34. I see no issue here. I bought some amazing decorations in September and CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO PUT THEM UP! I have been doing really well on the resistance front, but at the weekend it was sooooo cold and windy that I just had to get the little gingerbread shop out with all lights inside and put it on display AND after my birthday (which just happens to be on the 20th if anyone wants to send me birthday wishes) It is totally nearly Christmas and I will be putting other stuff up. Chrismas decs are awesome and totally hide the fact that your house needs decorating/cleaning or the carpet needs vaccuming… 😉

  35. I feel sorry for Thanksgiving. It’s like the wallflower sister of the head cheerleader. Mostly ignored, never appreciated. It’s iconic symbols of turkey, pilgrims, and pumpkin pie can’t compete with the glitz of tinsel, angels, presents, and sparkle every where.

    Poor, sad Thanksgiving.

  36. FYI – we put our Christmas lights up this past Saturday. Not our decorations, just our lights. This is because we live in a state (Nebraska) where the weather is bipolar and on Saturday is was 80 degrees and sunny but on Sunday it was 34 degrees and cloudy with chances of snow flurries. I did not want to be out in a blizzard putting up lights this year.

  37. I consider your blog post a public service announcement. Thank you for saying this! I can’t even begin to aptly describe my feelings about holiday lights and decorations that go up too early. It makes me very upset, for no real identifiable reason. Totally irrational irritation with the offenders every single time.

  38. I’m sure someone has mentioned this before but, have you thought about cloning yourself so everyone can have a friend like you? That would be awesome and I’m sure you could make some nice money off of it. Although, I would imagine there would be some drawbacks to that somewhere, I just can’t think of any. 🙂

  39. That’s why I just leave all my decorations up year-round for everything.

    Eventually, the angry neighbors just get used to the lower property values.

  40. I’m not gonna complain. My little one has autism & we love to drive around looking at the “pretty Crismiss lights”. We even bring a thermos of cocoa & stop at mcd’s for a french fry fix somewhere along the ride.

    Sometimes you just have to appreciate what you’ve got, you know?!?

  41. In defense of my neighbors, we had a warm snap last week, making it an ideal time to decorate outside. This is Canada though. I don’t even put up decorations or lights because it is too f*%$ing cold to take to them down in January.

  42. I try to resist all seasonal decorating but might start decorating for Valentines just to make people feel behind AND lonely in love

    just kidding, I’m not that mean spirited. but I really do love valentines. and I really don’t like seasonal decorating.

  43. It’s the music that gets to me. The longer it lasts, the more I feel like packing an icepick and YOU DAMN SPEAKERS HAD BETTER BE OUT OF REACH IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU!

  44. You are shaming me. I totally have my christmas tree and decorations up. 🙁

    (If it makes you feel any better, I listened to a Xmas CD yesterday in the car. We all have our weaknesses. ~ Jenny)

  45. I guess I don’t really mind early decorations, but only because I like the pretty lights and there aren’t really Thanksgiving lights. But the commercials, radio stations turning to Christmas jingles, and store decorations and displays bug me. I want to enjoy my Thanksgiving. I can do that with your pretty lights, but turn those damn jingles off!

  46. I was JUST pulling a Laura yesterday, being all cantankerous and “get off my lawn”-y over all the damn Christmas decorations that suddenly popped up. I firmly believe there is no Christmas until Thanksgiving which starts the day after Halloween which starts September 23. But September 23 only starts on that day and not before. Just to be clear.

  47. I loved the house down the street that, on November 2, had their Halloween decorations up outside and the Christmas tree up on the inside!

  48. My house is so in need of new siding and roof tiles that I don’t decorate at all. Should an ugly house be decorated for the solstice or does it just draw attention to the ugly?

  49. We live in NC and my husband brought back some fireworks from SC (read, cool and illegal) and we plan to set them off on a random date instead of July 4th. It’s our way of getting back at the “Christmas all year retailers” and crazy neighbors.

  50. Let me preface that my husband and I live in Wisconsin. We put up our outside lights this weekend because it was warm(ish) outside. If we wait until December, there’ll be 5 feet of snow, 3 degrees outside with a windchill of -20, and there’s no way in hell we’d be outside for any time longer than it takes to get from our house to our car. We don’t turn the lights on and we haven’t put up any of our inside decorations, so stop yelling at me!

    (Ha! You get special dispensation, my friend, for having a perfectly valid reason. Her in Texas though? I’ll probably still be wearing the same tank top I’m wearing today come Christmas. ~Jenny)

  51. I too believe in the separation of the holidays. I would like for each to have its own space. Thanksgiving is crying because it’s getting run over by 8 tiny reindeer and a sleigh filled with a manger. Laura needs to go put up a giant inflatable turkey on her neighbor’s lawn to remind then that they skip Thanksgiving at their peril.

  52. Last year I went to a drug store in October and saw Christmas decorations. I am not always aware of the passing of time and I stopped in the middle of the store and called out ” Hey, did I miss Thanksgiving?.” The people around me started laughing and we all went on a rant and decided we would all wait until the holidays were over and then get decorations on sale. You cannot mess with women – we get even if it hurts ourselves. BTW I am no longer celebrating thanksgiving by thanking the pilgrims. I bought several books about Squantos and we will be having a vegan Native American meal. ( not all like this idea ). I am no longer celebrating Christmas either because it is way too commercial. We will be celebrating the winter solstice although the young kids will continue to receive gifts and candy canes, etc. And we will celebrate ourselves and nature. Sorry, but I do feel better after this rant. Happy Holidays to Everyone for years 2013 through 3000! See you in 3001.

  53. Greetings from Boise, Idaho. We seem to be having the same phenomenon here…and it seems to be spreading quickly. We have been advised to take precautions. Good luck Texas, we will stay online as long as possible. Signing off.

  54. My neighbors put up their Christmas decorations along with their Halloween decorations at the beginning of October. The Halloween decorations are down now, and they are all set for Christmas.

  55. I put my front room tree and a couple of decorations up this past weekend. In part because I live in Utah and it’s already 12 degrees so it feels like Winter, In part because my husband works 16 days on 4 days off in the oilfield and I have to take the help when I have it, and in part just because I wanted to. We won’t get our big family room tree until the day after Thanksgiving though. Decorating around here is a process.

  56. I am a freak of nature so I get a pass. I’m allergic to cold temps (legit) so when this weekend was 70 we decided to go for putting the lights up before the snow and -70 hits here in Ohio. Mostly my husband hates doing it by himself so if he has a “helper” he’s wiling to deal with the fact that we put 3K lights up on the house. Ha ha ha. However, we won’t turn them on until Thanksgiving because that would just be silly.

    My neighbors across the street exercised restraint this year and waited until the weekend after Halloween to put theirs up. Usually it’s a week or two before so we already feel like slackers so there is that.

  57. Seriously! We have a similar situation in our neighborhood… and I’m about to unfollow a shit-ton of people on Pinterest because they’re flooding my wall with Fourth of July shit… and we haven’t even had Thanksgiving yet… Geez!

  58. The shopping center down the street from my neighborhood had all the Christmas decorations up and done on November 1 too! Why does Thanksgiving get no love? It’s a holiday that revolves around a huge dinner! But I guess in ‘Murica, giving/getting stuff trumps stuffing your face :/

  59. My daughter put up all Christmas stuff last week when my husband was out of town. It looks like a reindeer threw up in our great room. She even put Baby Jesus out in the front with lights so He can be cold a month longer than usual!!!!!

  60. I can’t even put all my stuff out this year. We’re getting ready to put our house on the market and TWH (husband) thinks it would be “Overwhelming” for potential buyers. I think he just doesn’t wanna help.

  61. If you think that’s bad, the Christmas lights are up on Oxford Street in London… sponsored by Marmite. MARMITE?! There’s nothing even remotely festive about it!

  62. Haha! I totally did this! I found a random weird holiday thing at a roadside-painted-iron-from-Mexico-place this weekend. I didn’t want to look for the rest of the decorations in storage so I hung it up. And this might be the only Christmas decoration I hang this year so I figure I’m all done. Of course, I still haven’t taken down my 1 Halloween decoration either so it’s very festive at my house right now.

  63. Totally caught myself singing along to Christmas carols in Walmart THE DAY BEFORE HALLOWEEN! I audibly gasped when I realized what I was doing and this 70 year old lady in the aisle next to me says “Don’t ya just wish they knock it the fuck off til December 1st?” I almost died. In Walmart. It’s all my worst fears come to life.

  64. When I was in 4th grade, my dad was in Desert Storm and missed Christmas, so we kept our (fake) christmas tree up until he could have christmas with us. but we changed the decorations so they matched the current holiday, though. paper hearts, paper shamrocks. There were a lot of crafts in our household that year.

  65. Here in Phoenix… the city workers are wrapping the palm trees in shopping areas with lights, the cactus’ gets lights, the stores are loaded with Christmas stuff around Labor Day. Christmas in Phoenix is sad, it is always sunny and you have to drive to Flagstaff for real snow, you shouldn’t be able to walk around in shorts and flip flops on Christmas.
    Now on the flip side, you can brunch al fresco, no snow shoveling – blowing – melting, salt + car, convertibles, tan lines, picnic lunches in the park, hiking, biking, BBQ, too cool for flies, DIY projects in the drive way, horseback riding, boating (yeah we have some lakes around). Being able to do all this on Christmas = WIN.

  66. People get motivated to do stuff early? What is that like? I still have the cauldron on the porch and the Halloween stuff hanging around the basement door. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be lucky to get stuff up by the week of Christmas!

  67. My mom has her outdoor decorations up already. Apparently it’s now a competition who can get theirs up the earliest. She used to be the only one decorating before Thanksgiving. Now people in the neighborhood start with Christmas the day after Halloween.

  68. One of my friends told me she puts up nine trees in her house every year. NINE. And she decorates each one differently. I’m still baffled. Our 6 year old guilt tripped us into putting lights on the house last year, but still, our house is the Charlie Brown tree of the neighborhood.

  69. I got my panties all in a bunch because this building had a sleigh on the roof and it was COVERED in lights before Halloween. I drove by it the other day, and it was a Christmas light store. Oops.

  70. The only thing I’ve done for Christmas, so far, is pick my ornament from the GIving Tree.
    Honestly, I’m one of those people who puts up the tree the week before Christmas and takes it down the day after. So people putting their shit up now are psycho, in my opinion. Seriously… lets all get fat on Thanksgiving before we start the spirit of Christmas.

  71. Do you know how many trees and oil wells, how much electricity and copper wiring goes into supporting our national home augmentation fixation? What we REALLY need are houses with built-in LED digital signage that we can change at will to reflect the holiday. During off-times we can subcontract to Walmart

  72. It has happened here, too. And I live in the progressive Northeast. Also, if you watch QVC or HSN, they already play holiday music and have red wrapping paper background between sales pitches.

    Wait. Did I just publically admit to watching the Home Shopping Network? I MEANT when you’re just surfing past. Of course.

  73. Since most of the money retailers make is on Christmas shopping and finally start turning a profit for the year, it’s a sign of how cruddy a job our current president has done at fixing the economy and we decided to keep him around for another 4 years of the same non-working solutions!

  74. When I was a kid, we used to put up our tree the weekend before Thanksgiving because we never hosted Thanksgiving so it didn’t matter how our house was decorated. Now, my husband does not like any holidays to overlap. No Christmas music, no decorations until after Thanksgiving. He is militant about it and gets his panties all in a wad if I even bring the boxes up before Thanksgiving.

  75. Xmas decorations are going up way too early, I hate the way Christmas is being advertized BEFORE Halloween… It used to be that the xmas stuff didn’t go up until the first week of December…

  76. We made the mistake of going to the mall on Saturday. It was like it was December 24th. The parking lot and streets surrounding it were packed. People were pouring through the stores with tons of purchases. It was insane. We shall now be doing shopping online from now until January 2nd, 2013 (if not later).

  77. I don’t mind too early going up as much as too late coming down. I love the holidays but the day they’re over I’m really over it.

    I had to travel to a company in a small town in Minn. for work once. They still had all the decorations, not just the lights, up throughout the town, homes, businesses etc. everywhere in late February. They said it was the custom to wait until the first signs of spring to take them down.

  78. There’s a guy around here who starts putting his lights up around Halloween. In his defense though, he puts on an elaborate display that takes weeks to put together. Here’s a video of one song, the whole show is at least a half dozen.

  79. We make up for all the people who put Christmas decorations up early by not taking our tree down until after Easter.

    I’ve also started doing a bit about calling any Christmas stuff that shows up before Thanksgiving “Pre-Christmas”. Pre-Christmas has the same relationship to Christmas that pre-cum has to orgasm: it will do the job but isn’t the real deal.

  80. We moved here two years ago. The first year I was “late” putting up my outdoor decorations (read: the second weekend in December) because we have a travel hockey player and our weekends are packed. I was so humiliated….our last house on a cul-de-sac had us at the top of the heap for holiday decorations. In this neighborhood we’re both late and apparently cheap. I have spent the last two years ravaging the sales on December 26 to up my game. And I hate myself for it. I’m going to load up on Xanax the day after Thanksgiving and not stop until January 3.

  81. I’m Canadian and Thanksgiving is a month past. It’s cold and feels like winter weather, therefore Christmassy. But, I have the decency to wait until AFTER Remembrance Day. There is a house on the street however that didn’t take their lights down from 2011. Neighbours made enough smug comments that the owners lit their house ALL night, ALL year.

  82. I love me some Christmas, but even I wait until Thanksgiving is over or close to over…I don’t want to miss out on my stuff-yourself-until-you-can’t-take-it-anymore-holiday. Besides, I’m often to lazy to take down the tree until February…I think that’s plenty of Christmas joy.

  83. By the year 3000 Black Friday will be once a week, Christmas songs will be played year round, and decorations will be rotting off the front lawn. Seriously, it’s headed that way so why fight it? Embrace the holiday and make it your own! Put that Santa Clause right next to your Wicked Witch and Fourth of July Flags.

  84. I made my husband put up the outdoor lights last weekend ONLY because it was 60+ degrees and in Indiana in November, that was a great day to do that instead of freezing our booties off after Thanksgiving. Our neighbor also put up lights but that is because her baby is due in 3 weeks and they wouldn’t have time after the baby is born.

    I too am celebrating Christmas with some family during Thanksgiving time as this will be the only time we will see one another during the holiday season because we live 10 hours away from each other.

    I have promised a neighbor that we will not turn the lights on any time soon and we were just taking advantage of the nice weather. 🙂

  85. What I love is my neighbors who put up elaborate Halloween decorations and then on Halloween, SHUT THEM ALL OFF SO NO TRICK OR TREATERS GO TO THEIR DOOR!!!!! WTH? WHO does that?? Plus, I figure that any kids that come to my door (or theirs) deserve a huge treat because they have to hike up a LOT of stairs to get to our front door. Must be why I only get about 8 kids each year.

  86. We don’t exactly live in a calm society, Bloggess; for example, I piss my wife off every 10.5 minutes!
    But you’re right, people need to scale back the holiday madness – but they won’t.

  87. I am so glad to know I’m not alone. . Can we have fucking THANKSGIVING??? You know, where we .. GIVE THANKS, instead of macing people to get the latest flat screen TV? ( Note bene: Walmart will open on Thanksgiving night at 8 PM this year ) @ Melissa B, I am with your husband!

  88. One of my beefs with the commercial hype of Xmas every year. I mean, REALLY…ALREADY? I just got done celebrating a nice quiet Halloween. I was looking for a garland of Autumn leaves to decorate for Halloween and it seemed that the stores skipped Thanksgiving and went right to the biggest money-making holiday in America while I was in the middle of a blink.

    To keep my comments nice and mild, I am just going to say that the whole think is silly.

  89. So, I thought real hard about getting the Xmas stuff down from the attic while we were putting the Halloween stuff up there…. in fact, I’m still thinking about it…. as in, the Halloween boxes are still sitting in the upstairs hall beneath the pull-down stairs. Now, one year, I did decorate HEAVILY for Halloween the day after labor day… but that’s not the same thing.

  90. I also live in the crazy state of TX the house on the corner from our mail box. Decorated for every holiday. I talking Valentine’s Day, Easter, St. Patty’s. they haven’t put up the Christmas lights spectacular yet (this includes at least 2 lawn inflatables) they are actually behind schedule they usually start Nov. 1. But they have had a Peace on Earth decal up since before Halloween which was slightly confusing with their Halloween decorations.

  91. (Bear with me, I get to the point eventually) I told my husband MONTHS ago that any projects need to be done by Thanksgiving. This includes finishing his attic office, moving furniture around from downstairs to upstairs, and getting a damn nursery together in the OLD office for baby #3 who is due in January. I know y’all see where this is going. We’re a little over a week out and he JUST started putting up drywall upstairs. After that is spackled and sanded and painted, the floor needs sanded and sealed. Then the trim needs to go up. I don’t see any of that being finished in 9 days, do you? The Halloween decorations, while down, are sitting in bins in the living room WAITING TO GO INTO THE ATTIC STORAGE AREAS. So guess who’s going to be the bitch with the no Christmas decorations rule?! Better believe I’m okay with that, too, ’cause this is the first year in over a decade that I’m not hosting T-giving and I seriously want to go to Boston Market instead…

  92. My neighbor to the south put his up last weekend. My neighbor across the street still has her Halloween lights on. A juxtaposition! But it makes me feel like such a slacker…

  93. that’s my strategy for birthday gifts. i am always so late that i can pull it off as for the next year. i have my friends so screwed up that i think they think i’m early.

  94. We can our teeth kicked in by Superstorm Sandy (aka that bitch Sandy) and the kids in our town of Sayreville got hosed out of Halloween. So yes, a lot of us have decorated for Christmas here. Trying to brighten up an area that really, really needs it.

  95. One of the two radio stations that I can get in my house is already all Christmas music all the time. Not sure when it started, but it means that I can’t listen to them until the day after Thanksgiving. WTF?????

  96. I spent all day yesterday and the day before looking up christmas decorations to make…but I think it’s justified…I intend to have an entire home-made christmas this year with exception of the tree and it’s going to take some time to make all those darn ornaments…maybe I should invest in some child labor…that’s what Santa does…hmmm

  97. Man, my neighbors wait till the day after Thanksgiving to put them up, but then LEAVE THEM UP until Easter — wtf??? I’d almost rather have them early and then down by Little Christmas…

  98. I work as a vendor, not only did I start taking Christmas themed items into stores back in August, but on Monday last week there was already a store playing nonstop Christmas music. Luckily I was only in there for about 20 minutes, but I could tell the manager was just about ready to stab someone. It gets earlier and earlier every year and it’s ridiculous.

  99. I feel very sorry for all the retail folks out there. I wonder if everyone just COMPLAINS LOUDLY if a store would stop doing it. We should pick one store and flood them with requests to only play Christmas music starting Black Friday.

  100. OMG.. Santa arrived at our local mall on Friday night.. That’s right November the 9th.. Didn’t even let Veteran’s have their day much less the poor defenseless Turkey 🙁 .. I F’ing HATE Christmas music already..

  101. My four year old loves Christmas. It’s kind of an obsession for her around this time of year. She gets so mad at me when I tell her that I refuse to look at Christmas trees at Walmart until the day after Thanksgiving. Sadly though, I stored my Christmas tree in my living room because I was too lazy to bring it back to the bedroom and fight with the crib in front of the closet. I’ve seen it all year. I’m going to go sit in a corner and cry due to the shame!

  102. Still a week out from Thanksgiving and I’ve already been driven to carol-motivated violence. (Carol meaning the song, not the person. Which was sort of funny when I misspelled it and it came out “carlo.” Which makes me think of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Which I probably know the words to much better than I do most carols.)

  103. My decorations don’t go up until after Thanksgiving. In fact, we aren’t going to cut down our tree until two weeks AFTER Thanksgiving. I also flat out refuse to buy anything Christmas-themed or listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. But the stuff is out there because someone is buying it early. I also refuse to participate in black Friday sales. No, thank you. I’d rather pay more and NOT get trampled or punched over a damn toy.
    On the bonus side: a radio station here in Chicago takes addresses of people who put their outdoor stuff up too early and they go to some of the houses, take their shit down, and go back to put it up after Thanksgiving. Love that.

  104. I swear me and me bff em had this same conversation Sunday night. I live in CT, which can get cold around Turkey day, or be in the 60s. Since we’ve got the warmer weather this weekend everything went up. Drives me fucking crazy… not to mention it already being set up in stores. There should be a law about getting Christmas shoved down your throat before Thanksgiving. Its driving me bananas.

  105. It’s still Halloween at my house, and I refuse to even speak of Christmas before Thanksgiving. I am rather proud that I have taught my 5 year old to hate all these early Christmas decorations. Whenever we walk into a store and she sees something Christmas related, she shouts, “Not Christmas stuff, AGAIN!! Where are all the turkeys?” Although, she does like to torture me by chasing me around the house whilst humming Jingle Bells.

  106. I suppose technically we have our Christmas decoration up, as former students/friends of mine gave us a hanging ChtulhuClaus made of felt several years back. We put it up in the glass panel of the front door and it’s remained in place ever since.

    I’m pretty sure that’s the only seasonal decoration we’ve, uh, done for like ten years.

    But since Christmas is the date of a special mass said to celebrate the incarnation, and not its anniversary, I get that the nativity could have happened at any time of year, and is properly located in sacred time and sacred space, so I’m not terribly upset by the “early” decorations. They shouldn’t be “shoved down your throat,” but let’s face it, very very few things SHOULD be “shoved down your throat,” and that only with explicit consent and at least a little foreplay to warm up first.

  107. Pretty much this. I was shouting obscenities in the middle of Wal-mart the other day because they were assaulting my earholes with Christmas carols. Rude.

  108. I really enjoy your observations and your sense of humour. Have you ever wondered why people don’t keep Halloween decorations up through out the year? I have.

    Thanks..

  109. Man, this makes me hate Christmas all the more. I used to love the pretty lights (after Thanksgiving, People!) but the plastic figurine and inflatable industry has ruined all that. I even hated Christmas as a kid. Nothing like getting one big unhappy dysfunctional family snowbound into the same house. How no one ever died remains a mystery.

  110. They’re just asking for zombie manger scenes. The three wise men can be the Saw, Jason, and the Joker. Baby Jesus – CHUCKY of course. Joseph can be Ironman, and Mary can be….hmmmI guess we better go with Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz, since the slutty witch costume is probably too much over the top. Various ghosts and witches can be the assortment of manger creatures. Except the shepherd’s dog – that’s Chewbaca. Oh, and the rest of the shepherds should be storm troopers. I could double my holiday display by combining the two – halloween and christmas. Who’s with me?

  111. I just clicked on Laura at the beginning of this post and, voila, found some Christmas presents for my mom – she loves pecans!! Thanks!!

  112. Are they Hindu? It might be for Diwali “The Festival of Lights”. I almost yelled at our neighbors last year for putting lights up early until I realized what they were celebrating.

  113. We were sorta thinking of just leaving the Halloween decorations up and adding the Christmas stuff to them. I mean, our neighbors put their Christmas lights up on November 1st so it seemed like a legit plan. Then we realized that having Christmas stuff adjacent to bloody, gory zombies, tombstones, etc. might offend people. So we decided it was definitely the way to go.

  114. Yeah, we went through the drive thru at McDonald’s and they have all their Christmas-y drinks and deserts up on the board. My Victor looked at me and said, “I think I will order a Shamrock Shake, or do you think it is too soon?”

  115. There’s a radio station in Denver that plays “All Christmas Music, All the Time” every holiday season. They used to make the switch on Thanksgiving. This year, they started on November 1.

    Who in their right mind wants to hear Christmas music all the time? I think I’ve answered that for myself. There a lots of crazies here. But Wait… maybe they were behind the push to make marijuana legal in Colorado. If you’re stoned out of your gourd, that shit probably sounds awesome.

  116. My personal rule is no Christmas stuff before Remembrance Day. But anytime after that is fair game. That said, I haven’t got any decorations up yet. But I’ve been buying. And you can damn well bet that Hanson’s Snowed In is playing in my car!

  117. My brother posted a photo of my nieces in front of the Christmas tree already. “The girls asked if we could put it up” Apparently he is gutless when faced with a five and 2 year old.

  118. Not just one, but TWO, of our major radio stations here in Denver have gone to holiday music 24/7. Around the same time last week a local news station posted on Facebook that Santa had arrived at one of the major malls. My birthday is Nov 30 so my rule is NO CHRISTMAS until AFTER MY birthday. But hell, I’d be happy with at least waiting until after Thanksgiving. I’m burning out too early every year!!! It’s too much!!! By about December 15th I swear my ears will bleed if I hear another fucking holiday song. So, yes, FUCKING CALM DOWN, AMERICA.

    P.S. And come March 1st when our icicle lights, snowmen and snowflakes are still up on our house and lawn… CHILL THE FUCK OUT!! They are NOT Christmas decorations, they are WINTER decorations and winter does not officially end until March 19th. So there.

  119. I put up Easter decorations for Christmas. And Christmas decorations on January 1st.

    It freaks the whole neighborhood out, and that’s just how I like it.

    And don’t get me started on selling Crème Eggs in December. That’s just wrong.

  120. I just realized that I’ve never put up any decorations for New Years. Ever. And just like that, my To Do List got 45 years long.

  121. Oh my gosh….the comments here are almost as good as your posts! I love it. I am finding so many cool blogs to read just from reading comments…haha. I actually had to quote XLMIC’s comment to my FB status…it was so perfect!

  122. We’ve decided to smoosh all the holidays together. We’ve left our Halloween decorations out, then put out some uncarved pumpkins and stuff for Thanksgiving, and our Christmas wreaths. We now celebrate “Hallowgivingmas.” My neighbors can suck it….

  123. My birthday is a week before Christmas. I hate it. Mostly because I get “combo” gifts from relatives, while my bro and sis who have summer birthdays get two gifts. Yes, silly. BUT. I swore I would never do that to a child, then I gave birth one week before my birthday. SO – nothing in my home is Christmas until Dec. 12th – period. That way, the kid has his day, and I have an excuse to procrastinate. Win/Win.

  124. She should totally make up a holiday to celebrate that lies right after Thanksgiving. This way, when everyone else is about to put up their Xmas decorations, she could be dressed like a Viking and peeing on the front lawn. And no one can say anything, because they have to respect her religion.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  125. Aha! a perfectly legal solution: leaving holiday lights up past Feb. 2 will set you back $250 in San Diego–it’s a local ordinance. So why not an ordinance that sets a period of time for Christmas decorations, and fines those who decorate early and leave up late?

  126. Can I just say for the record that you, Jenny, have fabulously entertaining posts, and that you also have fabulously entertaining fans who post fabulously entertaining comments? Thank you ALL for the great reading material. Greetings from Toronto. 😉

  127. F*ck that. As soon as the real trees go on sale, I’m buying one of those bitches and decorating the shit out of it while I belt out ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’ in my opera-voice.

    Yes. I am ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

    😀

  128. It’s not officially Christmas in Oklahoma until the BC Clark Jewelry jingle is played/commercial is shown on the local channels. I haven’t seen it yet, and they do tend to wait until after Thanksgiving to start running it.

  129. It was bad enough that the stores were putting things out in September but some people around here started decorating before Halloween. One holiday at a time, people!

  130. One year we didn’t get the christmas tree down until march…it became the valentines tree but when we started thinking of it as the Easter tree we knew we had a problem….plus, i was too embarassed to open my livingroom curtains…

  131. I remember — when I was just a wee child, my grandmother suggested that Christmas should be held once every 4 years, like the Olympics. I thought it was blasphemy. Now, I realize she was a fucking genius.

  132. DAMNIT!! It got to comment #202 before someone stole the comment I was gonna make….
    We’re gonna party like it’s 2999!! DANGIT Julie! LOL!!
    My Christmas shit, albeit limited, and yes the box is marked “Christmas Shit” does not come out till the first FULL weekend in December or later, and goes away ON December 25!!! I am lazy and still get my ass up and take that shit down, cause I am SO SICK of looking at it at that point. 2 weeks is MORE than enough! I am not a big Christmas fan. And, I HATE how we’ve gone to skipping Thanksgiving. BAH HUMBUG!! Devan

  133. Gawd tell me about it. It is a MAJOR pet peeve for me – people who completely forget about Thanksgiving and jump straight from Halloween into Christmas. Drives me absolutely batty!

  134. I think we should all go the route of Jenny’s father and get a Jenkins to follow us around to celebrate Thanksgiving. Even if we are vegetarian. Nothing says Thanksgiving like a mean, defecating turkey. Oops, I mean Jumbo Quail.

  135. She should put up every single house decoration she owns–from Halloween to the Fourth of July. When people ask what the decorations are all about, she can tell them that she’s decorating for a holiday so far in advance that the holiday doesn’t even EXIST yet.

    Bam.

  136. If you can’t beat them, make them think it’s the future. Or maybe just keep it simple and light a bag of poop on their door step. You can’t ignore poop.

  137. One year I left my Christmas tree up till March. It was brown and a fire hazard by that point, so I dragged it to the curb for the Christmas tree curbside pickup program.

    The garbage dudes were less than pleased with me.

  138. Don’t all these crazy-ass people realize that the reason you wait until the day after Thanksgiving to put up the Christmas decorations is so that you can work off all the food you ate?

    Our Hobby Lobby had Christmas out in JULY!

  139. Given that the only thing I decorate for is Santa and snow (although I live in a sunny part of California that won’t see snow until the nuclear winter), I am guilty of decorating early. I put up icicle lights on my patio the first week of November. If I didn’t hate my $#%!hole of an apartment, I would probably have done crazy winter decorations by now. Maybe my next place if I find someplace I want to live in for more than the standard 6 month lease. Or the RV I should consider buying instead of having to move apartments all the time…

  140. They were playing Christmas carols in Michael’s. IN SEPTEMBER.

    I started to get really stabby and my husband had to physically remove me from the scissor aisle. Then we ended up in the aisle with all the expensive art supplies and he was all “this is not good, either” as I began screaming that it was fucking SEPTEMBER and the god damn retailers needed to let us get through one fucking holiday at a time before bombarding us with Christmas shit when it was still 110 degrees outside.

    I’m no longer allowed in Michael’s stores.

    And I have crafting to do. I blame the government. Or Bin Laden.

  141. We don’t do anything fancier than putting up a wreath on our front door, and then we endure a few weeks of noticeable stares from our more energetic neighbors. But I always thought that it was time to put up the holiday lights after the immaculate conceptions – sorry I was born and raised RC

  142. I’ve thought about putting mine up too, already. I know, I should be ashamed of myself…I’m gonna wait until after Thanksgiving though. We just have a lot of crap going on lately and I felt like it would make things cheerier. I’m blown away that Thanksgiving is next week though. Where did 2012 go??

  143. COULD NOT agree with you more.

    Christmas decorations should only be put up within the relm of sanity. Even early December – I’m still a little skittish about. But mid December, or even the day before, that’s ok with me 😉

    Not that I put up decorations. I’d rather spend all the money I can on food, eat well.

  144. I was still looking for outdoorsy summer stuff in Home Depot a month ago (I’m kinda slow that way, but in my defense it was still the freaking middle of October and 75 degrees!), but I couldn’t find a damn hose sprayer anywhere because all the outdoorsy summer stuff aisles were full of Christmas decorations. WTF?

  145. I had to chuckle as I am probably related to your friend. I was freaking out with all the Christmas decorations and lights on my block the other night. We just had a hurricane, things are a mess, and the giant inflatable snowmen are waving at me already. We had stores ready before Columbus day. It really seems to rush the season to me and makes me annoyed. But, I am laughing because I just came back from Williams-Sonoma and was eating their free holiday peppermint bark -so I guess rushing the holiday can have its good side.

  146. I totally agree with Laura. Every year it’s earlier and earlier with the effing Christmas decorations. Before it was 2 seconds after Thanksgiving midnight. Then they decided to just cram all of November in there. Now, it’s RIGHT after Halloween, RIGHT THE FUCK AFTER, and it’s like CALM THE FUCK DOWN, people! I love Christmas as much as the next person but do we need all the hype leading up to it? Pretty soon we’ll be seeing trailers on TV starting in March:

    COMING TO THEATERS (AND THE REST OF THE WORLD) DECEMBER 25th:
    “IN A WORLD, WHERE HURRICANES FUCK UP HALLOWEEN AND THANKSGIVING IS LESS ABOUT THANKSGIVING AND MORE ABOUT BLACK FRIDAY…CAN ONE MAN SAVE THE WORLD FROM APATHY AND DESPAIR? STARRING TOM CRUISE AS SANTA CLAUS IN: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 25: SAVING CHRISTMAS.”

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