March 2013 – The Bloggess

I also have a video of the ostrich attack but it’s very screamy and will give you a headache so I’m not including that. You are welcome.

Robert Frost once said that he could sum up life in three little words: It goes on. But that isn’t entirely accurate as most of the people in the world (including Frost) are now dead, so instead I’ve decided that all of life could be summed up in two sentences: Sometimes it’s shit. Sometimes it’sContinue reading “I also have a video of the ostrich attack but it’s very screamy and will give you a headache so I’m not including that. You are welcome.”

PLEASE COME! (No pressure or anything.)

The last leg of my book tour starts just in a few days and I just realized that it’s on April Fool’s Day. I can only assume that I’m going to show up and the bookstore is going to be like “What? There’s no event here. This is a marina. You’ve been booked to scrapeContinue reading “PLEASE COME! (No pressure or anything.)”

I assure you, there’s nothing of interest going on in here.

This is the typical view from my toilet: A close-up: And this is me screaming at Hunter S. Thomcat: STOP LOOKING AT ME. Seriously. Stop. Find something productive to do. GO AWAY. Victor: What? Are you yelling at me? me: No. I’m in the bathroom. I JUST WANT SOME PRIVACY. Victor: Um…okay. Then maybe stopContinue reading “I assure you, there’s nothing of interest going on in here.”

Coyote Not-So-Ugly

Conversation with Victor when he came home from a business trip: Victor: Jenny. Seriously? me: What? Victor: “What?” There’s a dead fox on the wall. That’s what. me: And she looks awesome. And technically it’s a coyote. Honestly, you should have seen her before the makeover. Victor: Makeover? me: She was significantly less foxyContinue reading “Coyote Not-So-Ugly”

I want a medal for not writing a bear pun in this title.

This isn’t a real post. It’s just me catching you up on assorted shit in case you don’t read twitter. Also? Spoiler alert for my mom: I’m still alive. No worries. So yesterday I woke up at 3am with incredible pain in my chest like I’d been stomped on by a dozen brontosauruses who wereContinue reading “I want a medal for not writing a bear pun in this title.”

In my defense, I'm not that bright.

Today I’m on book tour in Kansas City (Missouri), which is apparently only minutes from Kansas City (Kansas) and is very confusing for everyone involved. But while I’m away I’m running reruns. Because I’m not clever enough to travel and write at the same time. ************ A series of voicemail messages I listened to aContinue reading “In my defense, I'm not that bright.”