I didn’t write this but you need to read it.

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless unless she decides to out herself) recently came up with a list of “online phraseology that must DIE RIGHT NOW OH MY FUCKING GOD.”  These phrases are:




So THIS happened.

And then my heart exploded.

OMG, you are SO BRAVE.

I’m guilty of using a few of those myself, plus an occasional “OMG ADORBS” and “Totes magotes” but I think I get a pass since I’m doing those ironically.  Our friend Maile, however, decided that we should just take shit up a notch and suggested some possible alternatives:

Suggested alternatives for over-used online phrases:

(((HUGS))) = (((HUMPING)))






I suggest we start using Maile-isms immediately.

Because they are totes adorbs.

266 thoughts on “I didn’t write this but you need to read it.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I would like to nominate “melts my heart” along with heart-exploding. Such a gross mental image!

  2. Perfection.

    Don’t forget “Literally” which, if anyone uses incorrectly, we should all have permission to jack them in the throat with a knife hand.

  3. I know someone who uses ALL of these. On a regular basis. Can we please add “awesomesauce” and “amazeballs” to the list of things to NEVER SAY AGAIN????

  4. I… I think I can honestly say I don’t use most of those, if any. So, yay me? I’m still guilty of lots of annoying phrases, internet and non.

  5. So please look at this Hard…does that mean with an erection? Also (((Humping))) if done this way )))Humping((( should mean dry humping, you know for people who are kind of close but noth THAT close.

  6. Can I suggest an addition to the list and request a new Maile-ism?

    Beginning things with “that moment when” must end.

  7. Is that, “I want you to be my daddy” in a sexual way? I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask this, but I also think it might be.
    Also, I recently watched the episode of “Will & Grace” where Jack thinks he’s on a date, but Karen really sent him out to meet the person she thought was his father, but wasn’t. They made a few jokes along those lines.
    Ex. “He’s your Daddy!”
    “Not yet, he’s not.”
    “No, I mean he’s your Father!”

  8. “Just sayin'”

    Needs to go also. It makes me stabby.

    “Makes me stabby” also needs to go.

  9. “Typing while dead on the floor” sounds ripe for an acronym. TWDOF.

  10. That moment when you realized you were a terrible person for making this whole separate comment just to troll everyone!

  11. I’m not giving up (((HUGS))). What else can you tweet to a friendly stranger/twitter friend when they tell you that their father died/husband is having an emergency surgery/mother was diagnosed with cancer? There are no words to make it better, but (((HUGS))) sends out some love and sympathy.

    The rest of the list? I don’t care.

  12. I’m trying to make “awesome-sauce” a thing, but now that I read it, it seems like it could be gross.

    What about Wil’s “[City Name] I AM IN YOU.”?

  13. She offers no alternative for ‘wine induced, uncontrollable laughter’, but that was my response.

  14. I say “heart warmies!”. It’s sometimes misread as “heart wormies!”, which can ruin the moment and make everyone feel awkward. Fun times.

  15. My other favorite blogger, Jim Wright of Stonekettle Station, says in response to people to end a sentence LOL:

    “I think we need a new internet acronym: FP:FTW (Falcon punch, feed to wolves).”

  16. Soon, “because reasons” and “feels” will be on this list. I must hurry and use all my allotment before the cull! BECAUSE FEELS.

  17. When I was doing the APAs (Amateur Press Associations), one of the most annoying was RAEBNC–Read and enjoyed but no comment–which I used to read as “I am just pretending to have read your story/article, but I fully expect you to heap large amounts of praise on the piece of drivel that I stuck in my zine this month.”

  18. I am guilty of the occasional “totes adorbs” myself, but what I really wish would go away is the shortening of “congratulations” to “grats.” I see this all the time and it makes me drop to a fetal position and rock uncontrollably. Also, the expression, “much love.” Unless you are Jamaican, stop it.

  19. also in dire need of retiring: “I just threw up a little in my mouth.” new phrase = I SHOULD JUST KEEP MY FOUL MOUTH SHUT.

  20. I plan to start using (((HUMPING))) in my work e-mails. I see no problem with this whatsoever.

  21. Most of the Maile-isms are already in use within my circle.



    I will be using (((HUMPING))) in place of (((HUGS))) from here on out, though. BRILLIANT!

  22. OH AND YES – to whomever mentioned SMH above. Dear God, I hate it.

  23. I say awesomesauce ALL THE TIME.

    It’s my favorite word.

    Also, I’m so using totes magoats now. HOLY TARDIS OF GALLIFREY, I LOVE THAT PICTURE.

  24. I hate when people use “TBH” and “I can’t even”. They both just make me want to shake people.
    Oh and “That hurts my soul.”


  25. Can we also add “this.” As in “I agree with what you said.” When someone makes a comment online and a person follows with a comment of only “this.” So ridiculous!

  26. Is LMAO still okay?

    (i never was a cool person, and y’all keep changing the rules)

    Your commenters are the bestest, btw.

  27. I’m requesting that we build a bridge and also ban some text speak. My heart explodes every time I see wud, cud & tho on my screen. Srsly.



    No, really, they should mostly die in a fire. Except when I want to use them. Ironically. Because reasons. Also? Science. Probably also Jesus.

  29. Definitely needed the funny today. I will be using a few of these now. I’m not sure if my friends will love it or be traumatized. Is it bad that I’m hoping for the latter?

  30. I’m for complete eradication of DH/DD/DS/etc (“Darling” husband/daughter/son) or other mommy-site totes adorbs nick-names. None of my family has ever been darling, sorry. They have however, been PITAH (pain in the ass husband), TGOMGYSGS(totally gross, oh my god you’re so gross son), and PMSMYABD(PMS makes you a bitch daughter). Let’s at least be honest y’all.

  31. Lets go ahead and do away with, “In Which {Something Happens},” as a blog post title too. And EPIC. Unless, of course, it’s a day, “In Which Epic Shit Happen.”

  32. I am SO sick of “So THIS happened.” So sick of it. Especially on Tumblr, when someone will post some art they made or a .gif from a show, and leave no other comment than “So THIS happened.” No thank you. It makes me want to look far, far away from whatever is in front of my eyeballs with that caption.

  33. The way people complain about internet language, I really feel like I’m the only one who is never ever bothered by these things. The text-speak can get old after a while, only because it doesn’t feel natural to me. But, totes, ((Hugs)), Tears, and all the other ones mentioned in the comments above? It just….I don’t know. There are regional colloquialisms and local vernacular every where you go. Why would the internet be any different? Why SHOULD we expect it to be?

  34. Can we add ‘well played, sir’ to this list? It was fun for a while but now it just makes me wanna puke

  35. I’m in LOVE with PMP, that goes on my list right now. Not giving up “makes me stabby”, sorry…not with the meds I’m on – I get stabby LOTS! Still using awesomesauce, and of course my insult list: douchcanoe, bitch pigeon, asshat, and any others I make up along the way. I’ll “totes” share with u guys.
    The one wilw uses about cities, “I am in you!” totally creeps me out….that has to GO people.

  36. I would like to turn “cray-cray” into “I’m too stupid to just use the word crazy!”

  37. You forgot lolzzzzz. WTF is that? Is that laughing while your asleep? I hate that! I cut people for that…in my sleep…while laughing out loud! arrggg!! *deep gasp and continue* arrgggg!!!

  38. I’m apparently out of the loop or I have really untrendy friends. What the hell is SMH? I’ve seen it and can’t figure it out. Also never seen “totes” anything, thank god. I’d also like to put in a request for the complete obliteration of “I know, right?” And “IKR” Both verbally and online before I end up stabbing a pencil into my brain. “SPIB”

  39. “Can we keep this ‘said no one ever’ meme going, like forever and ever?,” said no one ever.

  40. I totally just posted this to my facebook status:

    “There seems to be an insurgence of the phrase, “That said,” or “Having said that,” to preface a statement, along with “Right?” in the form of a question as an affirmative response to statements. Where did these forms of speech, both written and verbal, come from? And why is their use so popular? I find the use of each to be annoying.”

    We are of one mind today, Jenny. I try very hard to not use too many colloquialisms, lest they become chalk on a blackboard to the ears of the listener.

    How was that?

  41. How about anything related to ovulating or uteruses? Like “So cute, my ovaries just exploded!” Ma’am, if you ovulate or have your reproductive organs react in that way to Instagram pictures, you may wish to get off the internet and get that checked out.

  42. Lets also ban the abbreviations from conversation. On a train from London the other day I heard a girl on her phone (well, the whole train car, and possibly the entire counties we were passing through heard her) saying “Loll, Loll”. I thought it might just be British slang until I realized she was drolly saying LOL – but pronouncing it as a word – in approval of whomever she was talking to – yet not actually happy, laughing, nor rolling in the aisles; nor did she seem to be trying to be ironic, which was maybe the saddest part.

  43. The acronym DH. Unless I’m wrong and it doesn’t mean Dear Husband, if it means dick head keep on keepin’ on.

  44. Yolo could be dead for all I care. I’m guilty of LOL-ing to much but as someone who’s dry sarcastic sense of humor doesn’t translate well over the interwebs(another one that should maybe go?) the lol or token 🙂 lets people know I’m joking.

  45. “OMG FEELS” needs to be fixed, too.
    Maybe to something akin to “appropriate words not found due to overwhelming emotional input”.

  46. I think we should pull the plug on Amazeballs now too.

    I was following a certain cleaning/coaching site (I don’t want to publicly mock them just because it ended up not being for me) and had to immediately un-subscribe when the phrase “pee purple piddles” was given for someone’s excitement.

    Gross. And go get that checked by a doctor!

  47. I’m keeping ERMAGERD cuz half the people of my generation don’t know what the fuck I’m saying and I love that. Totes magotes,……..dudes and dudettes or totally seriously and literally with hearts, smiley faces and exclamation points up the ying yang (try to get that mental pic out of your head)

  48. I send hugs like this *hugs* cuz I’m weird and don’t like all the parentheses. But I’m a hugger in real life so you can’t take away my virtual hugs. I work from home now and am completely lacking physical contact besides my doggies and my husband when he’s not away with the military. MUST KEEP INTERNET HUGGINGS! My precious….

  49. I’m going to nominate YOLO because so many people (at least that I know) started using it ironically and it stopped being ironic and it’d like “Had cold pizza for breakfast #yolo” and I may have to kill them because they are grown men and women not kids.

    Also the phrase “all the” (which I have used often) that’s probably done now. No more feel all the feels people just say your are emotional. (And now I have Bjork stuck in my head, I’m going to go find that CD now)

  50. Just want to add that “awe” instead of “awww” is apple’s fault. Autocorrect does that and sometimes you just don’t feel like fighting autocorrect . I learned this after I switched from android to apple. I wonder how many other things are because of stupid autocorrect.

  51. PMP replacing LOL stat! We should make that a thing and turn the tide across the whole interwebz. We could do it too. I believe in us. It should be really catchy with the child-bearing-aged-women demographic…because it’s more accurate anyway.

  52. Throwing in another vote for : “THIS”
    I hate it in all its iterations: “This!” “So much this!” “THISSYTHISTHIS”

    Also, FTW. It needs to go away

  53. I’m not a fan of ICYMI (In case you missed it). That’s like starting a sentence with “I’m going to say something I have already said.”

    From now on, ICYMI should only stand for “I caught you mooning. Instagram!”

  54. Hmmm. I am guilty of using {{{hugs}}} — do I get a pass for brackets instead of parentheses and for NOT using al caps? I love your friend’s alternatives.

  55. Online, in person, phone, text, email, script and Braille use of the word BASICALLY. Basically is the new “um”. Try to get a teenager to answer a question without using basically (or ‘what had happened was…’) It’s impossible, argh!

  56. Does anyone else use true dat anymore? I catch myself typing that and immediately feel my IQ go down a few notches.

  57. @Susie – “SMH” = smack my head

    I somewhat agree with the idea that there are idioms within every subculture, so we should expect some on the internet. That said, anything that is idiomatic for “I’m to lazy or stupid to make a meaningful contribution” (e.g., pointless LOLs, completely wrong use of words, or using “text-speech” anywhere outside of text messages) does make me very stabby — sometimes toward the author, sometimes toward my eyes or ears. Have your idioms, but please don’t adopt idioms that make it look like you couldn’t compete in first grade. My four-year-old is more eloquent than many of these expressions… O.o

  58. I was kind of surprised that it took til comment 56ish to get Amazeballs on the list – I f’ing hate that one!

  59. I thought smh was “shaking my head”? And what the heck is ermagerd??

  60. Also would like to know what SMH means….I’m trying to figure it out….stab my hand?

    I’m a fan (or, non fan) of all these things. I like words and language as it is. I had said to my husband last night soon we will hear, ‘well, I don’t know how to spell it, but my phone does.’

  61. You forgot the absolute worst one: “Mwah/Muah”. IS THAT THE SOUND YOU ACTUALLY MAKE WHEN YOU KISS? No, didn’t think so.

  62. FML; usually results in defriending or at least hiding that person because it’s always a first world problem that has them so stressed.

  63. FML; usually results in defriending or at least hiding that person because it’s always a first world problem that has them so stressed. “Asked for platinum blond highlights, got ash blond. FML!”

  64. YES to everyone who mentioned @wilw’s “CITY NAME, I am in you.” Love @wilw. Hate the saying. I guess it’s just one of those things that only guys think are funny, like when you ask a guy if he has kids and he answers, “not that I know of.”

  65. Um…it’s “adorbsies”…can’t we all just agree on that? Magotes, we can.

    If we’re ending internet-speak, can we PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE also end the term “baby bump” from the all vernacular!? I am so glad that I was done being pregnant before that term existed, or I’d gouge my own eyes, and I would have never been able to see my own children, once they were born.

  66. I hate hate HATE “prolly” instead of “probably”. If that makes me sound snobby, so be it. Just use might instead. Arrggghhh!

  67. Agree with all, esp the one about those Mommy sites that use ‘DH’ etc. That f*cker ain’t “dear” enough of the time to earn that title.

    Sorry to be a party pooper, but I just can’t laugh about someone saying they are putting a gun to their head. I know! Not supposed to take this stuff seriously, but suicide jokes fall flat with me. 🙁

    Like I said — I’m usually not the big pooper on the party. Otherwise, I heartily approve of the rest of the replacements!!

  68. Mine are POTUS, FLOTUS, SCOTUS (always me think of scrotum), SMH, “wake up people,” “sheeple,” and (OMG, the WORST): Butthurt.
    When people use these, it doesn’t matter what they are talking about, I am DONE. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of your annoying internet phraseology.

    -also, I’m totally using (((Hugs)))=(((Humping)))

  69. I submit “all the feels” or “so many feels”, ok anything with “feels”.

  70. I propose replacing “YOLO” with “I’m totally justifying the stupid action I’m about to take”

  71. I like quirky language. It’s fun watching words and phrases come in and out of style so quickly. I’m ready for “… said no one ever.” to go away, though.

  72. I have been replacing OMG with OMD for a while now. (OMD=oh my Darwin) 🙂

  73. “Totes adorbs” — So this happened. I couldn’t figure out wtf a brand of umbrella had to do with anything.

  74. May we please add IKR? Almost poked someone with a fork for using that the other day – she was an adult, for gods’ sakes!

  75. Tumblr speech has invaded my everyday speech. When I think something (like a puppy) is cute, I scream “Let me take you home!” I’ve only noticed these things since I started at my new job and my coworker finds certain things I say hilarious. *shrug*

  76. @Kadesh Thank you! It always stops me cold when comedians use suicide so flippantly. Unless they are being vulnerable about themselves, I don’t think it works. Especially suggesting or commanding someone else do it. Really, do us all a favor and go… live your life to the best of your ability.Okay, that may not sound as funny, but I bet Louis C.K.could get a laugh with it.

  77. I hated the shortened ‘Foyo’ but now I use it all the time and feel like a sell-out.

    Also I’m completely satisfied that I’m pretty much the only person I know who’s uses ‘rad’ as much as I do. Or at all really. #radforever

  78. I think with the exception of (((HUGS))) I can honestly say I do not use any of these terms and wish they would die a hard death along with YOLO which has become as annoying in real life as it is on the net.

  79. Off topic, but I just sent a friend (who had somehow missed it) to “And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.” 2 years and a best seller later, has Victor stipulated that the $100 was well spent?

    (Totally. ~ Jenny)

  80. I agree completely with you here.
    Please add these to the list of phrases that need to be extinct:
    Anyways (there is no ‘S’ in that word)
    Just Saying

    Phrases that should have died a long time ago or never existed to begin with:

  81. What is up with people starting sentences with, “welp” instead of, “well”?????



  82. okay…I am totally guilty of “I Know Right!” I cringe when I hear myself say it, but its like I have a disease! I just can’t help myself!

    the one that I see…that makes my eyes want to fall out of my head (look im doing it again) is the plain and simple “WOOT”…..okay this is not a word! oh but wait, it is! It is in the Mother Bleeping Dictionary!


  83. But how we will relate to each other on the internets?? Also, my 4 yr old saying totes magotes and real masteal never stops being funny.

  84. Epic has been so overused that I am thoroughly convinced that nothing will ever be epic again. Please kill it with fire.

    Also, get rid of “kill it with fire.”

  85. First of all, “totes adorbs” definitely needs to die right the hell away, because it totes isn’t. When it goes, it needs to take “shut the front door” which doesn’t even make any sense, with it. What does being impressed even have to do with leaving the door ajar?

    Amazeballs = my testicles (or possibly testicles in general) are *incredible!*

  86. I would like an SFIE – Sticks Fork In Eye – for all those posts from women with perfect husbands that do the most wonderful things in their perfect lives with their adorable children. Uh huh, I saw you screaming at your kid in the grocery store. Don’t give me that crap!

  87. I agree with Nikki on this — I love langage in all it’s many transformations! I think the impetus for many of these is that we feel the internet as if we were together in a room, where we would hug, shake our heads, laugh out loud. It’s not wriiten language — it’s a way to express emotion and keep the immediate feel of being actually together. IMO. 🙂

  88. While I agree with most, the one I can’t stand to read or hear is Nummy Num Num.

    Stupid asshats.

  89. If it’s genuinely totes adorbs you should be willing to call it twats adorbs. Otherwise I think you may not really like it. Of course if you’re talking about a baby there’s a chance you might end up in prison then.

  90. OMG, and then my heart exploded when I realized I don’t use any of these terms. OMG, tears. All this time I thought I was internet savvy. Well obviously I’m not savvy enough. I’m giving myself (((HUGS))) as comfort.

  91. When people say on food shows “it’s so good it’ll make you slap your mama” and “if I tell you the secret ingredient I’ll have to kill ya'” honestly makes me want to kick someone in the teeth!

  92. Re-reading my comment, I realize I sound like a prude-canoe. Please feel free to substitute “Really, do us all a favor and go fuck yourself.” instead.

  93. I was guilty of overusing, “I can’t even” until my teenage daughter looked at me and said, “Really? You’ve lost the ability to even? How odd.”

    I am so damn proud of that kid.

  94. I’m either so out of it or so old I only know what half of these even mean. But would people PLEASE stop so yearning for the last word that they must end every text that’s already ended with “K”. Makes me want to claw someone’s eyes out.

  95. I hate “so stinkin’ cute”. It seems to be a stay-at-home mom conversational staple. It is stupid. And kind of gross. And we all know you are basically saying “so fucking cute” but in a way that will not ostracize you from playgroups

  96. I will be using all those annoyances. Now that I know it bugs the bejeezus out of ppl. Because I’m a rebel…or juvenile…whatevs.

  97. I have no earthly idea what YOLO even is. I am assuming it’s a gang sign, so I don’t use it, lest I be initiated into the wrong gang, I don’t even wear colors. All of my clothes are black and white. I get LOL and OMG, that’s about it. If you want to replace them, please put out a dictionary for those of us who aren’t as hip as the rest of you. kthxbai

  98. Can we please also ban “epic fail” or “epic” anything for that matter.

  99. Love you but this entry just ratcheted up my anxiety level. Life is hard enough without having to know precisely when each cyber-phrase has peaked. Can’t handle it! Just hoping to be accepted anyway, (((hugs))) and all.

  100. “Just sayin'” also needs to go. It drives me up the fucking wall!! It totally invalidates what they just said. And YOLO. You live every fucking day. The proper phrase is carpe diem. And lol is starting to get on my nerves because you know they didn’t really laugh at all and they can’t think of anything better to write. End rant. I do love how gruesomely awesome your new suggestions are!

  101. I want to nominate the phrases “bb” (apparently some short-form of “baby”?) – which really doesn’t need an alternative because dear-god I don’t want to be called baby every five seconds in a forum. And the eye-searing incredibly irritating “UNF” which really, just say “I want to fuck it” which is really what you mean in the first place.

  102. I am SO with Amanda on the “welp” thing!! I hate that! I mean, is the letter “l” just too hard to put on the end of the word!?!? Drives me nuts.

    Rant over.

    (Btw, this is my first comment here and I really wish I were even a tiny bit as funny an clever as all of you! Thanks for always being awesome. )

  103. How about: BEST. ________ . EVER.

    The alternative would be: My experience trumps yours. Enough said.

  104. I have found the phrase, “needless to say…” pretty annoying lately. Mostly because it is used needlessly.

  105. And “that awkward moment when…”
    For the love of God, please stop saying that…

  106. I have used “OMG” once or twice (or more than that), although I feel my own pain when I do. And I am guilty of many {{{HUGS}}}.

    I still have a fondness for LOLCat speak. Iz good?

  107. I can’t stand (((hugs))) it makes me think of someone putting their hands around someone’s neck! I don’t like “my bad” either?

    Honestly, if you could get all children to say pumpkin instead of punkin, I would really be happy!

  108. I could use an update when someone introduces a new one of these Internet words/abbreviations. Personally, I prefer to just randomly @ and # things.

  109. whatevs. I’m gonna start using all of these. why? because it annoys my kids. I also enjoy saying “BTdubs” out loud, and typing I NO RITE?? just sayin.

  110. None of these bug me, but I hate “SMH” for no good reason. And not that this is internet lingo, but I hate it when people use “enormity” for something big when it’s supposed to be reserved for something big AND horrible. (Like a famine, or the zombie apocalypse.)

  111. I want to stab the next person who says “LOL” to me in person. HEY ASSHOLE, YOU’RE STANDING RIGHT THERE. IF IT’S FUNNY HOW ABOUT YOU JUST ACTUALLY LAUGH OUT LOUD?

  112. jelly. the f*ck? jelly? really? i can’t even think of an acceptable alternative because it just makes me vomit to think about it. when i see a post like: i had egg salad for lunch. i always want to comment, “OMG. soooooooo jelly rite now! are you for real! i love egg salad!”

  113. Speaking of which, “I know, right?” also needs to go. I annoy the ever-loving crap out of myself when I say it.

    FML also needs to go.

    #Alongwithhashtaggingeverythingyousay #noonecaresyoujust #omgpooped

    OH AND ZOMG!!!! Stop it.

  114. Brain bleach. It’s called Forget me now, and bleach has nothing to do with it, I think. I don’t know, I forget.

    Haters gonna hate. Yep.

  115. I seriously hate “cray cray” or when people shorten it to just “cray”. Cray what? Crayfish? Crayon? Is one extra syllable THAT hard to say??

  116. THIS!

    Actually, now that I type that I’m not sure if that is a vote of agreement or an overused internet-ism to add to the list. I’ll let you decide.

  117. I know, right ? Kind of like all “stabby” gets really old. Ok, sorry, I’m being bitchy. Mainly because my 14 year old has banned me from saying “True Dat” and “Don’t be a Hater”. Look, I have to be in my forties, but I do NOT have to love it.

  118. LSHMCC (laughed so hard my crotch cried) = PMP
    — but really, how often does that happen? All too often, I suspect….

  119. squee is so a word. it’s a word that describes the sound you make when you see an adorbs animal whose nose needs to be booped.

    also, ‘i can’t even’ needs to die a slow, painful death. i’m not a fan of ‘all the feels’ either. i’m all for shortening things and using acronyms and inventing cute words, but these phrases are not grammatically complete and just typing them made small parts of my brain explode.

  120. none of these words bother me in the least. because
    a. i don’t have time or inclination to hate on people because of their weird and/or mainstream vernacular
    b. it helps me understand who i’m talking to (even if it’s not the way i would say things.. especially, even)
    c. i like lists, maybe we should all speak in lists

  121. I run into overused phrases in my “day job” all the time. So I’m down with this list

    Also – the @wilw I am in you was amusing once for half a second but then ew.

    Also Also – Yes on the list 100%.

  122. OMG, IASU (I am so unhip). Thanks for educating me. And making me laugh.

    I suddenly see the convenient truth: IASU could sound like “I ask you” (as in “to educate me”) or “I ass you.”

    Never mind. IASU.

  123. I’m guilty of the {{{hugs}}} thing occasionally – but I do spruce it up a bit with the use of the curly brackets.

    I am unlikely to replace it with {{{humping}}}, but I do agree to retire it, if that helps some.

    “Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard My Sombrero Fell Off And I Dropped My Taco”


    Shea B.

  125. The word ‘amazing’ should be evaluated while we are at it – it is used too often and to describe everything – from a cup of chain store coffee to the sunrise to the link they are posting. . .

  126. A few years ago my DH (JK) (Just Kidding about the JK) and I tried to bring back “Cool Beans” as an experiment. Unfortunately it didn’t catch on, but if you hep cats get on board with the acronym CB we could start a revolution!

    Oh, and I will be PMPing very soon. Not Pimping. That looks like Pimping.

  127. I am old school English. My English Professor Henry McWinney, would be rolling in his grave to see how we speak & write in 2013. I just started using lol & it is like scraping my nails down a chalk board. Remember chalk boards?

  128. Please ban amaze-balls, ftw (for the win, it f— the world?) ellipsis abuse and a whole ‘nother

  129. ” Wow. Just wow. ”

    To which I always, ALWAYS, want to say LISTEN, if it’s just wow, then, you know, leave it at WOW. The JUST WOW is implied! Wow. That’s enough! Shuddup! And it gets me completely nuts and on this pretentious didactic cavalcade of prescriptivism until so much steam just erupts forth from my ears and the next thing you know you can put wheels on me and set me on rails and there I’ll go, delivering goods and people from one side of our great nation to the other.

    (See? See what happens?)

    Also, I googled “smh” the other day and it makes me despair for all of humankind.

  130. I don’t know if someone’s already mentioned this one, but I cannot STAND it when people say, “Fast forward a few days later…”

    So in my head I’m supposed to go all speeded-up and swirly with that little squiggly sound playing and land right to where your saga resumes?

    Sorry, I only do that if I’m going to get sex out of it. Or a…

    No. No, there’s no “Or”. It’s sex for squiggles. See, you give a little, you get a little!

  131. ((Hugs)) must stay! I have too many friends online with children going through medical problems and sometimes you have to send a cyber hug, you must. I like I die, too, about cuteness. But I always love anything you have to say, Jenny. (((HUGS)))

  132. This is #SOINSPIRATIONAL!!!!

    But I kind of like how the little parenthetical arms wrap around the word and make that visual (((hug))). Agreeing with previous commenters about the need to ban amazeballs and must include a ban on awesomesauce. Amiright?

  133. ‘Keep calm and’ needs to go.

    Anyone who says ‘peeps’, or the rest of insipidly shortened words with an ‘S’ on the end.

    ‘Squee’ should be strictly limited to if you’re under 14 and fangirling about boy bands… you know, where it belongs. To anyone else, you should know better.

  134. I totes say totes. It totes makes me feel like Paul Rudd’s spazzy, uncool character (which I felt I became after becoming a parent) who says “totes mcgroats” in an effort to sound hip. Because I sometimes feel just that unhip. As a bonus, my kids are now old enough to feed that fear for me. Everything I do totes mortifies them. Including the use of that word. Natch, I use it whenever possible (I think natch might fall into that category as well).

    On the flipside, I, too, vote for the annihilation of “amazeballs” and “awesomesauce.” Sounds like a really bad meal combo you might find on the buffet at The Golden Corral.

  135. I felt I had to come back just to say I always thought wilw’s “in you” posts were more of an alien type of in-ing than a creepy sexual thing. Like he was just going to bust out at any moment and stretch goo between his fingers and… wait… I guess that is a little creepy.

  136. I love how I didn’t catch a typo last time and my comment looks incoherent. I learned what smh means from you all today. Thanks. Awesomesauce also needs to go. It makes me think of semen for some reason. I don’t like to think of semen. Also, “said no one ever,” is stupid because you can’t guarantee that and I think very literally. WHY is something “stinking cute?” What smells badly while being cute? I might adopt OMD.

  137. I dislike “Anyways”. What’s the use of an extra ‘s’?
    Also, “for real?” doesn’t make sense. What happened to good old “really?”

  138. LOL…this just made my weekend. I need my weekend to be made. Because I’m pathetic like that. Thank you to you and your awesome friends! Now I can pretend I have a life 😛

  139. “Jelly” used to come in a jar and be a happy addition to toast, sandwiches and laughter (assuming one has the correct amount of stomach for that sort of thing). Now it’s a pet name for a negative emotion. I say we take JELLY in all it’s sweet and wiggly splendor back.

  140. I’ll agree to most of these, but I’ll confess to using *hugs* — and I’ll explain why….

    I role play, mainly on Facebook, occasionally on Twitter, and as such I have met people not only all over the US, but in various parts of the world, some of whom have actually become good online friends, and almost all of whom I will never meet in real life. Currently I mainly role play in the Hetalia fandom, but I’ve been in both Yugioh and Final Fantasy — but to make this easier to understand I’m going to use Twilight for an example because, let’s face it, everyone nowadays has heard about Twilight. I’ve heard of about Twilight, and I’ve never read the books or watched the movies — but I know who Bella and Edward and Jacob are. So, if I was role playing in that fandom, I’d be talking to Bella, or Edward, or the rest of them, in character, most of the time, and reacting to them as though that was who I was talking to — I’d know Bella, not the person behind Bella.

    But occasionally the role player behind the character puts up a comment, in brackets of one type or another, to indicate that we in RP are talking directly to her out of character (and it is generally a her, most RPers are female), not to her character, and the comment sometimes is related to real life shit that she is going though — anything from “my dog just got ran over” to “I’m failing all my classes and going to have to go to summer school, and maybe repeat this grade” to “I have the tummy flu” to “my parents are getting divorced” to “I’m having a crappy day, with PMS, and to top it off I just broke my favorite coffee mug” … and seriously, I’m female, they’re female, and as a response to any of those, *humping* does not work, while *hugs* does. Sometimes I simply post *hugs*, sometimes I elaborate after that, depending on both the post and how well I know the person who posted, but *hugs* does not equal *humping* in any of those cases. If you can come up with something that would make a decent equivalent I’d be happy to use it, but *humping* ain’t it.

  141. I used ‘i die’…once. Just to see how it felt. It reminded me of a first time using drugs… as soon as I posted I was thinking, “I’m a cool kid now.”, then I came down from the high and wished I’d never tried it, and now I just feel dirty and my mom won’t return my phone calls.

  142. I was in a business meeting when somebody dropped a ‘blates’ in. I shit you not…blates. I almost reached out and smacked him.

    So, yes, blates is definitely a word that must die as well.

  143. Today, in opposite land:
    I have a list of stupendous words and references I find on the internet and think, “I can make much mirth with this.” Some examples…
    “Strafed by the long arm of the law” — It’s some potent imagery, yo.
    Irradiated mutant foxes
    Brothel — There’s just an outstanding number of opportunities to work this one in….
    “Still reeling from the trauma of the Chicago Fire”
    Any reference to: Dolly the Sheep, L. Ron Hubbard, Apache Helicopters, Rasputin, Diet Shasta, or the licensing of nuclear accelorators.

    Thank you. That is all.

  144. (((HUGS))) – I think I started that one. Seriously. I’ve been using it in electronic messages for the last 30 years, which probably dates me and makes me feel really old now. But it’s true.
    SMH = Shaking My head, which I do all the time when reading postings on Facebook
    FML – has got to stay beause it just too perfectly describes what I’m often thinking.
    DH – I use this one, but I like to leave the “D” ambiguous. For most people it means Dear or Darling, for me it usually means Damn or Depressing and sometimes DH really means D!ckHead.
    YOLO – (You Only Live Once, for those that don’t know) I think is already dying a slow and much needed death, I haven’t seen it used very much lately.

    Awesomesauce, Amazeballs and Totes have got to go away, now. If only because when I see or hear someone using them I feel a slow, murderous rage building up inside of me and I really don’t think that “I’m sorry but I had to bludgeon this person to death because they used ‘awesomesauce’ and ‘totes’ – in the same sentence” is going to be considered by any judge as a valid reason for homicide.

  145. Oh my goodness. I am part of an internet community where ALL of these annoying phrases, and the ones everyone is talking about in the comments, are regular parts of the vernacular. I really just thought that it was me, that I’m old and don’t understand how these kids today talk on the internet. I’m so glad to know it’s not just me. It’s totes adorbz, and gives me all the feels .

  146. Love PMP! Totes using that from now on. I hate LOL…I take the half second more and type out haha or hehe depending on the type of laugh I’m thinking. I use amazeballs and awesomesause to annoy my husband. Same with “don’t be jellies” because it makes him stabby. I also use makes me stabby at work or in fromt of my kids because I can’t say “I want to f*cking cut the b*tch/bastard” without causing a problem. I never knew what the DH/DD/etc meant on those sites…dd has always been designated driver and DH designated hitter. I sure as sh*t don’t have dear husbands or kids! I’m also guilty of “I’m just sayin'” and it drives me nuts. I need a 12 step program to kick it though, I can’t stop.

  147. Can we also get rid of “feels”? Like, “Oh, so many feels.” What happened to the word feelings? Bah.

  148. I agree with so many of these, but especially Nicole’s “amazeballs”. What does that even mean? Really. I got a comment once that only said “amazeballs” and I have no idea how to take it.

    I also agree to banning “cray-cray”, “for reals”, and “said no one ever”.

    I used WTF once and shocked people that I used the F-word. That F-word was in your mind people. My F stands for “frack”, which honestly is overused, but has nerd cred. (Is cred overused?)

  149. Just sayin’ or IJS totally pisses me off. Woot makes me want to break something. 40 year old women posting that they are hanging out with “the bestie” or “bff” needs to go. I don’t know what FTW is but I always think it stands for Fort Worth.

  150. hmmm… thankfully “awesome” is not on the list. And “totes magotes” is the most aswesome substitute for “awesome.” Can we add ROTFL to the list? I have maybe once in my life rolled on the floor laughing but never to an email or something I saw online.

  151. so many hating “amazeballs” – how have I not heard this living with 13 year old girl? I kind of like it. I am going to use it all day and will get back to you all with a full report.

  152. It is entirely possible that I HAVE IN FACT told not one, but several people that I am “in the fetal position sobbing and rocking back and forth like a crazy loon” so I’m gonna go ahead and be on board with that one for sure.

    But seriously, stop saying LOL. I know for a FACT you aren’t laughing out loud right now. It’s just rude. 😛

  153. I’ll nominate “Gah”, “Ack”, and “Ahem”. We don’t need your fucking sound effects. Amirite?

  154. @Sue (#228) I think people are in the closet about their usage of WTF! We KNOW they all use it, think it, live it, but there shall be no public acknowledgment (did I spell that right?) All the polite hypocrisy drives me insane, I mean wtf?

  155. I don’t use any of those. I guess my emotional spectrum is not that wide. I would kinda like “HUGGLES” to die in the hottest fire that ever existed so I didn’t have to experience the cringe I do every time I read it. It’s painful.

  156. Those are funny….however, I am saddened as to how uncool/unhip/uncultured/nonobservant I apparently am for I hadn’t heard of the majority of those over-used phrases/terms. 🙁

  157. Its strange, for as somebody that uses technology as frequently as i do i actually never use short typing for anything other than messages to my boss while making deliveries.

    Side note, if you actually go through every single comment: Please for the love of god (or allah, buddah, which ever one happens to be listening) can you help me? My best friend lent me a signed copy of your book which i apparently damaged (i really cant tell anything is wrong with it but she is insistent that i broke the spine of it). Is there any chance you are going to do a signing in San Antonio or Austin anytime soon? I know this is like a blind guy shooting at targets but she’s a huge fan of your work……
    Either way, cheers

  158. I’d like to add: AHH THE FEELS!!!
    This line makes me feel uncomfortable, and when I use it, as I inevitably have, I feel a little like people will think I’m trying to grope the person having uncontrollable emotions whilst watching/reading whatever I’ve pointed them to.

  159. I have read these responses & now feel the need to add “needs to die” to this list. Also, when people use “Meh” & the previously mentioned “Just Sayin'”, it feels so dismissive, lazy and patronizing.

    My husband works in human resources. Too many people think including text shorthand abbreviations are appropriate in emails asking about employment. I get business emails asking for information about my services with no punctuation, capitalization, greeting or the writer’s name. If it’s too hard to use basic written skills professionally, you’re probably not getting the job.

    My last story: 20 year-old brother-in-law messages me.
    Him: not doin’ much today, haha.
    Me: That IS funny.
    Him: what’s funny?
    Me: I don’t know. You said haha.
    Him: That’s just how everyone ends their texts. Haha or lol.
    Me: Why?
    Him: You just do. It means everything is cool.

    I can’t even.

  160. I think “Totes magotes” is completely acceptable and encouraged, because it is from “I Love You, Man” and that movie is amazing. I often find myself saying (please excuse the horrid phonetic spelling), “Laytis on the menjay” in all conversation. It works.

  161. I completely overuse <3 on Facebook. I own it. But sometimes, a <3 says what words cannot.

    And I really need to work on my OMG. OMG, RIGHT!?

  162. I should prolly stop saying prolly

    and I use

    “There may have been fluids..”.

    Way too much., by which I mean ever.

  163. Can we add the whole “keep calm and…” Crap to the list? I’m sick of seeing it everywhere!

  164. Totes. Totes must end. I can’t keep thinking and saying it. It.must.die.

    Die you rat bastard. Die.

    I have to stop with the exclamation points too. I am guilty of using too much enthusiasm where it isn’t warranted.


  165. I read that as “EMT eating heart matter off the wall.” I’m suggesting a modification now. I bet you give up reading after, like, the first hundred comments.

    (Nope. I read them all. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  166. Vacay. I fucking hate that one. Although if you can’t muster up the strength to utter the third syllable, you probably really need one.

  167. My list:
    That awkward moment when….
    Those need to go far, far away. Pretty much everything else is… whatever. Sadly text speak isn’t going anywhere because a lot of these phrases originate in online gaming and the like. However, there’s a time and a place for everything and professional writing is so not the place for it. /end rant from a friendly grammarian/online gamer 😀

  168. I have no idea what half of these mean… I feel lost and alone… and in need of internet vernacular lessons *sigh*.

  169. as a mom of tweens & teens if you want it to die text/FB it to your kid once and bang it’s dead. hasn’t failed me yet…. lol!

  170. I kinda feel like we are tramping all over all kinds of geekisms, most of which I learned or adapted from Wil’s blog. And that makes me a bit sad because it’s his birthday and all. Lots of things are over done. But I am keeping “squee” which is not a QED approved word but onomatopoetic for the sound you make when your joy strangles you over something that you geek out about.

    Mostly though, used in a context of some sort, none of those things should be too unnerving. It is when they float around the Net in a random way, disconnected from anything that would make it make sense, that we shrink from its usage like we would a steamy pile of horse crap in the middle of the sidewalk. That’s my take on it anyway.

  171. Hubs
    Swag (unless used as an acronym for Scientific Wild-Ass Guess)

  172. Please, please add:

    “the littles” and “the kiddos” when referring to children, usually those belonging to the author. Puke inducing.

  173. How could “amazeballs” not be on that list?!?!!?!?? If I read that word one more time, I swear I’m going to disinfect my eyes with bleach!!!!!!!! I can handle every other ridiculous phrase than that one.

  174. I had to look up some of these things. YOLO? Never heard of that one. Neither “totes magotes” (in fact, autocorrect made that “”totes maggots”” which I think is worthy of an LOL. At least a giggle.

    I use DH very infrequently — only when the situation calls for extreme abbreviation.

  175. OH MY GOSH! I say “totes magotes” and I had no clue it was a thing! I kinda just made it up because it rhymed. Well I guess I didn’t make it up…shoot, I’m not as cool as I thought I was. Or maybe I am cooler than I thought I was. Hmm…

  176. Brain bleach. It’s called Forget me now, and bleach has nothing to do with it, I think. I don’t know, I forget.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: