So. Yeah.

Last night I wrote on twitter about how everyone I talked to this week seems way more broken and fragile and paralyzed than normal.  Why?  My guess is that the moon is way too close to the earth and all of the water in our body is getting sucked up into our heads and most of that water is filled with hormones and repressed, angry memories of junior high rejection that we’d been storing in our kneecaps.  Trust me.  I once took Astrology in college and I only had to go professor’s house twice to look at his big telescope for extra credit to pass.  That’s not a euphemism.  The guy just really liked showing off his telescope.

Anyway, this morning I was on the phone with a friend while walking outside to check the mail and she was telling me that I just need to start slow and accomplish one thing today, and I yelled,  YEAH.  I’m gonna get shit done , MOTHERFUCKER.”  And then I looked up and saw my very sweet and very conservative neighbor staring at me and I just waved weakly at him and then I realized that I’d already fucked up the day and it wasn’t even 8am yet.  But then I thought that since I’d already fucked up the day, it could only get better from here.  Sometimes it’s all in how you look at it.  So go scream profanity at your sweet, elderly neighbor so that everything else seems nice in comparison.  Or don’t and just feel better than me.

Either way?  Things are looking up.

257 thoughts on “So. Yeah.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Mark Twain once said “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

    You didn’t fuck up. You just ate a frog.

  2. My day started with finding a huge spider trying to take over my office. Fortunately the custodian was here to take care of it for my arachnophobic self. I figure the day has to get better.

  3. So glad things are looking up!

    I am currently struggling with whether or not I’m totally fucking up my therapist…it’s one of those days

  4. It’s probable that your outburst made his day & he’s telling everyone he knows about how the new neighbor randomly shouts out her daily affirmations in the front yard. I like that scenario a lot

  5. I was expecting the story to end with you locking yourself out of the house, so you’re already doing better than that. 🙂

  6. These things seem to go in cycles in which depression/pain launch a massive attack on a large part of the population at one time, like those damn cicadas that don’t shut the hell up when I’m trying to sleep at night. And while it doesn’t always make it easier to plow through, it does helps to know that you’re not alone.

    So while it’s cliche, it does get better. There is always someone who is there for you–online or off–and all you have to do is reach out. Unless that person is creepy and takes delight in waxing the private areas of complete strangers and enjoys the music of Nickelback. In that case, I might not leave the house either.

  7. Screaming profanities at my neighbor at 8 am is actually the highlight of my day. Everything is downhill from there.

    I guess it’s all in how you look at it.

  8. Your elderly neighbour is deaf and didn’t hear. But he did think you looked very nice today. And then you posted on your blog so you have achieved today…and I read it even though its almost midnight here! So a new day is about to begin for me….just pretend you are already in Australia and we can start together….

  9. Swearing outside should be on everyone’s list of things to do in the morning, no matter who can hear. Your mail really comes that early in the morning? Rock Star Postal Service you got there.

  10. I cursed at a woman on the phone who was just trying to help me schedule an appointment so I sympathize, although it was a little after 9 am so I got that going for me.

  11. Eh, I scare my neighbors all the time. At least I’ve convinced my husband to wear more than his boxers to take the trash out . . .

  12. It’s before 9 am and you managed to post a blog and spread a little bit of happiness. And there are far worse battle cries than “YEAH. I’m gonna get shit done, MOTHERFUCKER.”

    Hugs,

  13. Did you know that the USA considered attempting to blow up the moon some fifty years ago? Yeah, really.

  14. The intentional equating of astrology and astronomy, combined with the old professor / pervy joke absolutely made that paragraph for me. I really laughed.

  15. I would say it’s because fall is one sneaky depressing motherfucker, but some people don’t even live where there is a fall. So maybe fall is contagious? That’s probably it.

  16. My husband’s damn parrot attacked me two minutes after I got out of bed. For a minute I thought the whole day was effed, but then I realized that at least I got the inevitable attack out of the way first and now the day could get better.

    Also, think of the great story your neighbor now has to share! He’s probably the story-king of his elderly friends today.

  17. You what’s also pretty brilliant? When it’s your sweet, elderly neighbor whom you overhear hear screaming, “YEAH! I’m gonna get shit done, MOTHERFUCKER! This knitting is so my bitch today!”

  18. You’ve given me a new, fabulous task for my mornings — do one horribly unpleasant thing, and the rest of the day will only be able to get better from there. I love it.

  19. Deep breath. Okay. I will try. My list is made. It is a nice short list so I might be able to feel accomplished by the time I have to go pick the kids up from school. Ha!

  20. I think we should have a scream profanity at our neighbors moment. Like we all do it at 6 pm central time, you know for solidarity.

  21. Does your neighbor have a blog? I’d like to see how they are planning to get some shit done today.

    Nowhere to go but up!

  22. Do you know how many times I have done something like this?! Like 7 bazillion. I think that,” Yeah, I”m gonna get shit done, MOTHERFUCKER!” Is the new “Bitches get shit done.” I would buy a tshirt with one on the fron tnad the other on the back. But I’ll wear anything.

  23. Mer-your post made me think about my coworker. Her grandfather’s parrot attacked her. She swatted it off the railing. Amazingly enough, it never bothered her again. F8ck things with beaks that can tear pieces out of you. Give me a Zebra finch any day.

  24. Day starts with nightmares and screaming bluejays around here. So I am up… headed for donuts and wondering how I am going to feel about working from 5-10pm tonight. Planning on a shower and a leisurely walk to a coffee shop to make some art… or stare at pictures of Richard Armitage or Ben Cumberbatch. You know…. like crazy fangirls do. Mgiht even watch Castle again…. dunno. But I have to get away from the Jays.

  25. It’s funny that Kat said “this knitting is my bitch” because knitting is my job, and I am totally sitting on the sofa, in my pajamas, knitting my fingers off. I love that I figured out that I’m introverted with hermit tendencies, and can do business from my sofa.

  26. My day started out with cleaning mouse guts out of my carpet because my cat is just way too fucking fancy to eat the head or guts when she hunts. APPARENTLY cats have some sort of Kosher-type rules regarding cuts of meat they can consume, or something. All that is to say, at least you aren’t a pile of mouse guts. AND! ANNNND!!!! you can spend all day being super choosey and holier than thou, like my cat, and leave some metaphorical mouse guts for someone else to clean up, because you are way too good for that shit. Just sayin’.

  27. Yeah, some folks I know have nicknamed me “princess pottymouth” for my tendency to spout profanity at odd moments. I’d be happy to share my crown!

  28. I went to wave at a sweet, elderly neighbor the other day as he was getting out of his car, and realized that he was naked.

    So, in comparison, today is looking pretty good.

  29. My dog marched straight to my (dogless) neighbor’s tree and peed, like, half a gallon on the nice flowers she has carefully planted all around the base. All I could do is stand there and smile wanly at the end of the leash while she looked on. It would have been better if he had pooed, because at least that I could have picked up! Guess I’ll be watering her flowers this weekend to dilute the dog pee….

  30. there has been an abnormal amount of crazy/fragility/fuckedupedness this last month than usual. and it is getting old.

    my 8 yr old set my curtains on fire last night. so yeah.

  31. All good. Made me smile this morning. Once I realize I’ve already fucked up the day, I head in for a bloody Mary to top it off! Can I say, just joking…. most of the time.

  32. I’ve been broken so long that it feels normal, actually, so I’m going to take your advice and go shout this in the lobby by the elevator.

    Time to get some shit DONE.

  33. Go to astrologyzone and you will learn how this week is supposed to be bad. Mostly because of the New Moon on October 4th. So you are dead on! This is shaping up to be a shitty birthday week. The deciding factor will be tonight when I go to a show with two mediums, hoping my dad comes through.

    I think I will consider my accomplishment for the day being able to button my work pants. Not bad for my last day at 41.

  34. I am an expat living in Moscow and I just discovered today that there is a thing in this world called chocolate butter and it is as awesome and you might imagine.

  35. This morning I saw that I got 81st out of 104 in my first photography challenge. But instead of being sad I thought about how many personal bests are in my future as I keep trying.

  36. Or just smile sweetly and don’t care about it. Even when he bad mouths you to the whole community. You are used to that, right? We LOVE you just the way you are. Your friend, Laurie F. hibernationnow.wordpress.com
    ps It’s our 25th wedding anniversary today “motherfuckers.” Omg, that felt so wrong coming out of MY mouth, so I’ll just pretend you said it. xoxo

  37. Well I started my day with an e-mail indicating I had fixed a very technical problem that I had spent a couple of hours working on yesterday. Everyone else was content with a workaround, but I wanted a “fix”.

  38. In the past, I’ve hung out with motorcyclists and truckers (separately). So my language can be as blue an anyone’s. But apparently I have a prim persona.
    One day at work, I had my headphones on and was working diligently away writing software code. The power went out and I lost all my work. I yelled “Fuck!”. All the guys around me turned around to stare in shock. Then started laughing.
    Hopefully, your elderly neighbor has a hidden blue side as well.

  39. This is EXACTLY how I felt yesterday and today! The moon must have finally moved away again. Phew. And “YEAH. I’m gonna get shit done, MOTHERFUCKER,” is my new mantra. Awesome!

  40. I’m glad things are looking up. I’m still waiting for that, but it’s been a couple months now. I’m not giving up, but another day of hiding inside and re-reading Game of Thrones won’t kill me.

  41. Whenever my day feels like a total loss I take the time to remind myself that A) I’m not Kanye West’s baby momma B) – I have all my body parts and they are all in good working order and C) I haven’t accidently killed anyone’s pet ferret with my car that day. It helps.

  42. I don’t know about your office, but here at The Law Firm, when you want to anonymously thank/poison people with food or clear your desk of tchotchkes – you leave the offering in the kitchen.

    So I wasn’t surprised to see a pile of Law Firm embossed marketing promos and cool lunch bags from random CLE courses. But I was surprised by the long white obi belt with The Firm’s logo on it. Was it there just for me? Were we finally going to start rating research skill by belt level?

    Yes, I put it on and wore it proudly – right up until I found out it is supposed to be used as a yoga strap. Off to strike a mindful pose.

  43. I don’t have sweet neighbors. I have (blessedly quiet for now) college neighbors, though I guess I could scream at them. They’re already terrified of the dog; being terrified of me too can only be a bonus.

    (I hate fall. Just so we’re clear.)

  44. I can’t even begin to count the number of things that are making me want to scream profanities this week. And with each thing that comes up, I am falling deeper and deeper into my “blah, I don’t care” hole, which comes right before the landslide into depression … really hoping to snap out of this before I hit the landslide …

  45. he’s on twitter right now bitching up a storm about his “unstable screamy” neighbor. you probably just made his day by giving him a story to complain about and retell to his grandkids ONE THOUSAND times in a row as elderly sweet people usually do.

  46. i find that it’s very easy to get off track, distracted or disheartened when trying to tackle a huge list of crap when i’m not in top form, so i just “please excuse my dear aunt sally” that stuff and hit the important must-do-now-or-life-screeches-to-a-halt” tasks and then i feel like i’ve saved the world by only accomplishing one tiny thing. then i either feel awesome enough to tackle a few more or justified in phoning the rest of it in for the day…

    *in comment-retrospect, i realize the math geeks will be the only ones who get this and i facepalm to find that i’m one of the sad few who actually DOES need to apply math and sometimes algebra to what i do on the daily…

  47. I passed out on the bathroom floor of my doctors office yesterday. Face flat on the floor and my pants only pulled up to the bottom of my cheeks with my Halloween undies hanging out there for EVERY staff member to stand over me and stare at.

    Your day started out so much better than mine 😉

  48. Just want to say THIS is the precise reason why I LOVE living in Ireland. You can curse all you fucking want to at grannies, priests and young children and no one gives a flying feck! Conservative is going to the pub three times a week instead of 7 – woot!

  49. That’s it. I’m going to get stuff DONE today, Motherfucker! It’s been tough to get moving as of late, but I’m going to accomplish things. And my little rugrats will cooperate, damn it. Screw sitting around and watching things just spin out of control.

  50. So much shit is happening lately that I swear that I am on a hidden camera show. I look around every day for the one-way glass. There is no way that this stuff could happen in real life, right?

  51. I have been hating most days lately. So yesterday I donated money to the Red Cross. Then I told a colleague that I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks and because she’s the nicest person ever (and in a totally different country), she’s making and mailing me mittens for when it gets cold. And then I felt like I won the day. Rocktober didn’t start well but I’m trying!!!

  52. I started today with removing a dead bird from the birdcage. Bird in question had been in our family for over 15 years. You bet I yelled profanities.
    Then I cleaned the bird cage and went back to bed. Hope start of day take two will be better.

  53. Can we have an update on Beartrum? Have you found the perfect place for him yet? I thought he looked most comfortable in the guest room, but imagine he would like to alternate between the guest room and outside, scaring — er — welcoming people. Your neighbor thinks a swear word is bad? Wait til she wakes up to Beartrum….

  54. I’ve never commented, but I have to say, what the shit is up??? The past two days brought me back to the lowest of the low that I haven’t experienced since last Christmas (which was the first time). I was scared to be alone, couldn’t stop crying, and I had to hold it together so I could take care of my two boys, 4 & 2. I feel like a craptastic mother for losing my temper so much and for them having to comfort me when I couldn’t stop the tears. Someone shoot the damn moon back up into the sky! Thank you Bloggess, for reminding me that I’m not alone on this.

  55. Today started as one of those days for me where I was struggling to stop thinking, and my mantra was something along the lines of, “repress, repress, repress, lather, rinse, repeat.” Reading this helped. You really have a knack for making things better just by being honest when you post to this website. I’ve been reading for a while and haven’t thanked you yet, and it’s long overdue, so… thank you.

  56. You know what? I’m really happy that it’s not just me. Baby’s sleep schedule (such as it is) is completely shit this week for no apparent reason, I’m getting less than even my usual not-much done each day (fuck you, maternity leave. how is it possible to be home all day and not even get the dishwasher emptied?), I just cannot even handle looking at my postpartum body right now and by the end of the day I’m exhausted and weepy. I’m just going to chalk it up to the universe playing games and give in. love you Jenny and commenters.

    (How do I get commenter Pamela’s job where I can knit all day for legit reasons?)

  57. Oh, thank you, I thought it was just me!
    I started today day before I even went to bed. Midnight, I ended up doing a quick run out into the dark garden to rescue the last of my mint because we were supposed to get snow … and tripped in a hole, flailed around and faceplanted. Fortunately the big honking scissors flew AWAY from me. One wonky knee, one skinned knee, a twisted ankle and a sore back later, I limped into the house with my sad little bowl of mint and promptly went to bed.

  58. Trust me , Jenny, in terms of professional success, you’re fucking Wonder Woman compared to yours truly.
    I can’t get arrested as far as the publishing world is concerned – your publisher wouldn’t even spit on me if I was on fire – but my biggest concern is landing my daughter a spot on her idol’s show, but Ellen wants NOTHING to do with me.

    At least your neighbour took notice of you; I’m lost in the wild here, Jenny, and trust me, I’ve never felt so lost and screwed.

    So believe me when I tell you: IT DEFINITELY CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE….

  59. First off, I totally wish it had been a euphemism, because it would have been the best euphemism I’ve heard all week.

    Second, I’m convinced that this week is some kind of Bermuda Triangle of weeks, and either we eventually escaped unscathed, or we’re just going to disappear completely. Maybe.

  60. My day started with a massively vivid Prozac dream about waiting for hours at the psych’s office before being told that none of us in the waiting room would be seen. I used a Sharpie to detail my issues on the window in EXCELLENT backwards penmanship.

  61. At this point, my neighbors would be more worried about me if they DIDN’T hear me cussing all the time. Our apartments have thin walls and I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan, which explains (but does not excuse) the cussing.

    And yeah, getting shit done today. I got out of bed and got to work. I’m a grown woman who got her braces tightened yesterday and so feels like she got kicked in the face, but I’m up and at work. I might even be functional when the Aleve kicks in.

  62. Since every morning of my life begins at 6 a.m. picking up dog poo, I should be the Queen of the Terminally Happy People by 9. This state has utterly failed to materialize. Maybe it’s my job. I’m usually happier on the weekends. Well, let’s say “less stabby” and leave it at that.

  63. Makes me think of Anne of Green Gables: Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.

  64. I thought it was just me….having trouble staying awake, eating sweets constantly, cranky, spacey. I can’t decide if it’s just mothering teens or a bout of depression or both. I am now inspired to get something done at work today…like posting a comment on a blog.

  65. Well … glad to know that I’m not alone (this place is a fantastic reminder when I need one). I’ve got so much crap to do that it is overwhelming. I’m still kind of surprised I didn’t go back to bed and hide for a few hours. Anyway I’ve decided I’m going to decorate for Halloween and bake some shit. Either of those on my list of HAVE-to-get-done? NOPE! Fuck it, this is my day and I’ll get to that other crap later. Gotta go now, cat got his head stuck between the glass sliding door and the screen door. (Not joking, he actually managed to do this)

  66. And here I was thinking that I was feeling somewhat broken and fragile (pronounced frag-ee-lay) because the sun isn’t out and I have a sinus infection!!
    Coincidentally, I flipped another driver off this AM for causing a traffic back-up on the interstate…guess the day can only get better from here…Thanks Jenny!

  67. Eh, the neighbors will learn sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. So you did do a thing. You introduced yourself. And I have the same agenda today. Get shit *done*. We can do this.

  68. Its been a brutal week and its only Wednessday. My motto for the week: “Fuck’em!” My thought is that I’m trying and if that isn’t gonna get it done, it’s just too damn bad. Also, a friend once said “he’ll either get over it or die with the memory – either way, it’s all on him.” Which seems fitting too. Of course, none of that makes me feel much better about this crappy week.

  69. So Monday I was reliving “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, NO Good, Very Bad Day” and had to teach a room full of kids. Little Monsters ranging in age from 1st grade through 5th grade. Teaching this fun, squishy, messy, creative thing called ART. Everyone else seemed to be having that same kind of day too! Everyone seemed to be enjoy the project…when they could take two seconds to focus on it. Just an “off” day.
    Then the youngest one in my class, for no reason whatsoever, decided to SCREAM. Not mad. Not angry. Not frustrated. Just LOUD. More than once. Just a straight up scream. Okay, so my frayed nerves did NOT enjoy that…not one little bit!
    But yesterday, I woke up and decided the little monkey was right.
    So I screamed too.
    And yesterday was a much better day. So maybe I need to start off with a scream- or a “frog”.
    Huh. Next time, take a page out of a first-grader’s book!

  70. This week has been completely filled with Mondays for me. . .

    Yesterday, I bought donuts at the grocery, and when I got home, I hid them. This morning, I pulled them out for breakfast, and I was a HERO, and it was nice. I was like, “Donuts for ALL the breakfasts from now on!”

  71. You’re right that something is up. I’m normally NOT a depressed person…but lately I can’t seem to get enough sleep and when I do I have bizarre dreams.

    And you probably made your neighbor’s day.

    Also, you did accomplish something today…mine will be the 98th comment to this post…meaning you brightened almost 100 lives AT LEAST…and that was before lunch.

  72. So good to know I’m not the only one walking around with a head full of water and hormones. I’ve been a complete mess all week and am so full of guilt pie for not being more productive. Thank you for the reminder, one fucking thing at a time.

  73. I sort of purposefully got “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” stuck in my head this morning. The Life of Brian, singing from crucifixes, version.

  74. The language wasn’t exactly me but the feeling was just the same yesterday when I realized I’d taken the garbage can to the street with the towel wrapped around my hair. At least I was in clothes….but the neighbor walking down the street was in a business suit. Sigh.

  75. Ya my day started with being locked out of the house… But I got the lawn well watered! So I guess its a 50/50 day so far 🙂 now if I can just get through the rest of the week without bursting into random tears life could be great.

  76. Hey, hey now, NOTHING wrong with an early morning pep talk. Nothing at all. 🙂

    Heck, maybe you inspired that elderly neighbor to ALSO get some shit done today. Booyah.

  77. When I do things like that I just pretend that I’m in a play and that foul language, public singing, stained shirt or other embarrassing thing is just part of the play.
    Old Lady –
    Me – Hi Muriel. What did you think of my acting? The play I’m in uses such foul language I have to practice so it sounds natural.
    Old Lady – A play?
    Me – Oh yes, it’s about a sinner redeemed.

    The “sinner redeemed” part is a know your audience thing, but I bet it would work on a really old conservative neighbour.

    Please know you’re not alone. About once a week I resolve to stop doing things to embarrass myself. But then I have to leave the house and that plan is shot all to hell.

  78. By the way, it sounds to me like something Congress and the Senate should be saying to each other this morning.

  79. I woke my 17 year old son up by screaming profanities at a huge fucking spider that decided to make my living room his home this morning. God damn worthless cats. What’s the point of being a crazy cat lady if those lazy bastards don’t kill anything?

    Anyway, you didn’t scare the hell out of your daughter, so your day has started off better than mine :
    )

  80. I usually get caught bopping in my chair at work to something on the radio. And I totally agree about the junior high rejection thing.

  81. If it makes you feel any better, the very first words my young son spoke to our sweet elderly neighbor were, “Damn dog.”

    To which the neighbor replied, looking straight at me, “I can see how YOU feel about the dog.”

    Fortunately, he also found it funny, but he also found it funny to remind me about it constantly. So it goes.

    And don’t worry, by 8 am, I was yelling at people who were here to work on my house.

  82. Love this post! And the comments are cracking me up, as always!

    My morning was crap too. I got played by a 7 yo. She threw a freakin’ hissy fit and wouldn’t get out of the car at the drop off line for 20 minutes because her tank top is white instead of pink. TWENTY minutes! So she ended up being late and I had to walk her into the school to get a tardy pass. In my pjs.

  83. Does it count if the profanities were said, albeit not screamed, in front of my boss who just happens to be a grandmother? Any bonus points if she ended up agreeing with me?

  84. Now that I work from home, I think there’s a sort of insanity that settles in from looking at the same 4 walls (or 8 if you live in an octagon) day after day. The ability to fuck up when on your own is, I think, so much easier when there’s no one looking over your shoulder. That’s why I’ve given my dog Obi the job of staring at me with a vague sort of disapproval. It’s almost like I’m back in the cubicle world. But at least here I can gain instant approval with a scratch behind the ears – which is usually not looked upon well in the workplace by Human Resources. Although I can’t help but wonder now if it might have helped my relationship with my former boss. Lord knows how far a belly rub would have gone.

  85. Yeah. After accidentally destroying a gift I was finally sending off to a friend – I gift I spent three months creating – I then unleashed a tsunami of water in the office kitchen.

    I’m lucky no one was on the phone at the time. No, that’s not a blue sky. That’s the ocean of profanity I wove while treading water next to the microwave.

    My hands seem to be set to Fold, Spindle and Mutilate today.

    I’ll be the one standing over here in the corner, not touching anything.

  86. Hang in there. As Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day,” or something like that.

  87. Can we talk about how it isn’t even noon yet and you’ve posted to your blog AND gotten the mail? If that isn’t a successful day then I don’t know what is. Or I have really low expectations for myself…

  88. Look, we can’t rely on the government to get shit done, so i guess it’s up to the rest of us.
    You can be our fearless leader. I’d vote for you.

  89. We are feeling the over plentiful moon water cycle at our house too. The son’s girlfriend is cutting again last night and we did our best to hold on, make her laugh, bake cookies, and talk it all out. There are days that are better than others….Let’s all hold on real tight and we can get through this….one breath at a time…

  90. Honestly, I bet you made his day seem way better too. He was probably all like “Well, it can only get better from here” That is a public service! See, you’ve already accomplished one thing!

  91. You know, I’m happy you wrote that. I do feel better ^_^ Partly because it’s a nice way of looking at things, but also because of the, “accomplish one thing today” bit. I get so overwhelmed with all the things I have to do what with taking care of my son, working, going to school, and the cleaning my mom wants me to have done so everything is spotless. Me and her are constantly at odds because of the cleaning. To me, keeping my clothes either in a laundry hamper or in the drawers (or both) and not on the floor or on my son’s toddler bed is just not a top priority for me because I have so much else going on, but for her, it is since it’s her house. I get it, but it still causes issues because she doesn’t understand me and how I think.

    It sort of came to a head last night and I left her a note explaining things in the way my doctor said I should explain them. That her constant reminder of the things I’ve not done and my other failings just isn’t motivating me to get stuff done. I don’t know how she took it because she was gone to work by the time I woke up at 6am (so I could get math homework done before my son woke up and after only 4 hours of sleep because I tried to get it done last night).

    Anyways, thanks for this little post. I accomplished my one thing today and it didn’t take long at all. Maybe I can try for a second thing today ^_^

  92. A FB friend, and cousin, posted a graphic today that just says: “I say Fuck a lot because Fuck You.”

  93. Oh God..you too? I was talking to the plants in my balcony to make myself feel better, and when I looked up my neighbour was listening in…and now he knows things..talk about misplaced vulnerability.Yes?

  94. Truth: There was a massive solar flare that’s energy has hit the earth with a huge blast. It dried up all our bodies water and with it all those life giving hormones, endorphins, little squiggly things that make us feel better. I’ve been limping through each day. Surviving by going back and rereading your post and the comments asking if everyone else is exhausted, etc. I need to print that sucker out and use it as a bible of survival.

  95. If he’s elderly, he may not have even heard you very well.

    I’ve had a hell of a summer and now we sit on the brink of the holidays so I anticipate a hellish time for me if I try to do it all. I’m determined to just focus on one thing at a time and just succeed at that one thing. If I look at the whole picture, it’s too much.

    My one thing today? Go look at microwaves and dishwashers. Nothing else. One thing.

  96. I hadn’t thought about it, but you’re right. I am feeling weak and vulnerable lately, although I’m not sure my jr. high school angst is stored in my knee caps. It’s in a nicely balanced 2 ton brick right on my shoulder where it’s been since 1983, dammit. Also, I don’t think screaming profanity in the general proximity of your neighbor means you fucked up the day, either. I think it means you’ve carped the diem! Besides, your neighbor is probably used to you by now. After all, just a few days ago you were dancing around with a bear head in your yard. Remember? Go get shit done! I have faith in you!

  97. My day started with my husband telling me he was concerned for me on the way to work in the car. But the more he talked/yelled the more he was basically telling me what a shit head I am for the way I acted last night and I should feel terrible about myself and die.
    Last night I decided it was a good idea to self sabotage by drinking one too many beers. Reason, I’m starting a business, and people like me, and they want me to consult with them, and make it work, and pay me money to do my business, and they tell me I’m awesome, and way to go, go get ’em. I don’t like to be good a things, I like to fail, so fail I did by drinking one too many beers. My husband cornered me last night, and basically what I heard was I suck and I’m hurting my self, so I showed him and rammed my chest against the door frame and said, “like this, is this what you mean?” and then bed and past out.
    I’m such a bitch of a wife, how dare I make a fool of myself, and self sabotage. Feel free to kick me in the nuts some more this morning, ’cause I dont’ feel stupid enough. You need to do better than that husband, because I need to feel that my self sabotage has worked, your just tickling me with your so called concern for me!! MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!
    Okay, I think I have accomplished my mission. I suck. Have a great day!

    (You don’t suck. I’ve been in that downward spiral myself. You need help because right now your brain is lying to you and fucking with you. See a doctor. That helped for me. Without the right meds and counseling I’m a wreck and I make it worse. Get the help you need. You’re worth it. Promise. ~ Jenny)

  98. Thank you for the reminder, and that it’s not just me. I’ve been lower than I’ve ever been so far this month. My ups and downs are pretty dramatic. I hope it passes soon. Until then, I’ll just shake my fist at the moon in futility and hurl curses at it. Maybe then it’ll shape up and quit messing with my brain.

  99. Ok, I confess, I didn’t have time to read all the comments, because I am at work, and apparently there are many more people besides myself who adore you.

    My only real question, checking your mail before 8am? really? sometimes my mail still hasn’t arrived before 4pm. Or were you looking for yesterday’s mail?

    I hate that shit stored in my kneecaps. And my neighbors are spanish speaking. I would need to get a translator.

    You are my hero.

    (I hadn’t checked the mail in two days. Don’t tell Victor. ~ Jenny)

  100. I’m kinda doing the same thing today. I mean, this is the 3rd day in a row that I managed to get out of bed and come to work, but I haven’t really been doing much while here. Today, though, I am gonna accomplish at least one mother fucking task. If it’s only 1, so be it. At least it will be somewhat productive.

  101. I don’t think the motorcycle cop would have appreciated my screaming profanity as he handed me my $674 ticket yesterday. And no- not for speeding, or as my friend asked, ” driving naked through a conservation field of endangered slugs while drinking a glass of wine and texting about it.” Maybe I’ll do that today. See? Accomplishment, motherfuckers!

  102. I like how, at the end, you brought it back to astronomy with the “looking up”. …You meant that, right?
    Anyway, that’s the beauty of screwing up, it can only get better from there.

  103. You swore out loud and scandalized your elderly neighbor? MEH.
    She’s heard all those words already anyway.
    I went out on my deck last night, looked up at the stars, and swore at THEM for the fucked-up week I was having.
    Then slept well.

    Whatever It Takes To Keep From Going Postal.
    You’re Welcome.

  104. Several people have said this to me recently! I’ve been feeling really low for a few weeks & a couple of people have said it’s probably due to the Autumn equinox a couple of weeks ago. Hey the moon can move the SEA and leads to werewolves so it makes total sense that it can make me go mental. I’m starting to come out it a bit but reading your blog has really helped the process so thank you 🙂 xxx

  105. Oh. I just turned my ‘inspirational fucking words’ calendar to the month of October. This is what it says.

    “When it is dark enough you can see the stars”

    Wow. My day is so mutherfucking inspirational now.

  106. Sorry if this is off-topic, but I think this crowd … and Jenny, herself … would get a kick out of a recent post entitled “Would a Rose Named ‘Pink Taco’ Smell as Sweet?” on http://realestatetangent.com/.

    Tears, my friends. Tears. I’m not the author, just a connoisseur of fine writing.

    Enjoy!

  107. I’m on day 2 of my Federal Furlough and man, am I getting stuff done at home! Sometimes you have just got to make the best of things.

  108. DMcT, I believe that you can make the right choices for you and do what you need to do for you. I hope your week gets better!

  109. I was happy to have found myself up and dressed before 10am. Definitely running on the little-things mojo.

  110. Thanks for the loud laugh. My neighbor now probably thinks I just sit in a chair and laugh all day. Also, your story reminds me of one of my many “open mouth, insert shoe store” moments in high school where a teacher didn’t show up for class and the door was locked. We stood like a herd of cattle mooing about wondering what to do next. I turned to my friend and speculated, “He’s probably taking a shit.” That was about the time I noticed another teacher had arrived to unlock the door for us. And I was right next to this guy when I said it. Go me.

  111. This is TOTALLY what I needed to read this morning. I discovered a huge screw up first thing this morning and started my day off sitting on my dinning room floor crying and feeling like a total fuck-up. The day can only get better from here. THANK YOU for reminding me of that fact.

  112. I’m trying to keep things in perspective but am freaking out over a presentation I have to give today. It’s to a room full of people who are smarter than me, on a topic they probably know more about. Gah!! I figure if I throw up during the talk I’ll probably get a sympathy B as a grade. I mean seriously, who fails the girl who puked in front of the whole class? Right? Please tell me I’m right. Trying to read your blog and laugh it off. Thank you for your awesomeness!

  113. it’s funny…I’ve been feeling like crude all week and today is the first day where I don’t. well for the most part, my mood is definitely in a not so craptastic state. which is great. this made me smile, old people and swear words always do.
    so here’s one chest bump, hip bump, ass shake, of goodish moods coming your way…hooha! (anytime I read/hear/say hooha, I always think al pacino in “scent of a woman”. sorry, just felt the need to share).

  114. Definitely at the bottom of some shitty cycle myself lately – glad to know I’m not the only one. And that you’re on the way up.

    “YEAH. I’m gonna get shit done, MOTHERFUCKER.”

  115. Facinating I am feeling beyond sensitive today I had to leave the house for a psychiatric appointment and forced myself out. I feel like a bleeding open wound. My seven year old nephew came upstairs this morning holding his Mommy’s hand and looking at the ground. I asked him for a hug and he hugged me back we did a group hug before he went back downstairs. He is feeling super sensitive today too. I am pretty sure I have been off like this for a couple of days at least. Love and strength to everyone feeling this way. I hate feeling unsafe when everything is really okay. That happens fairly often…but, today I feel that X infinity. I sound seven. Nevermind. I wish you all well. Thank you Jenny for pointing it out to us.

  116. FIrst of all, I think I love you.
    Secondly, I’ve also noticed that yes the moon f*cks with our bodies, especially as women, but there is one more thing.
    The days that end up being totally horrible; me yelling at my kid for no reason, crying every time I drop a spoon and being all around psychotic, end up being days where something horrible happened in another part of the world. I don’t have TV or get any sort of news, so I don’t know about these things until after dinner time when I see it on facebook (yes that’s where I get my news, don’t judge).
    So it’s not like it’s effecting me having just heard about it. It’s effecting me on an emotional level before my mind knows.
    That damn Butterfly Effect!

  117. You accomplished giving your conservative neighbor something to gossip about. I think that is a win. It might be a small win, but it is a win. You have a gigantic metal chicken in your yard; it’s not like they ever thought you were normal. You are gloriously and fabulously fucked up. Embrace it.

  118. Sometimes I click here and see the exactly right message at the exactly right time. That actually happens fairly often.
    Right now, I am in a downward spiral – husband asked for a divorce, it’s the week before my period, and I am tears, tears, tears, all the time.
    Thanks for making me laugh, and confirming that it’s not just me!

  119. I am happy to blame the Moon for my over-sensitive, broken-ness. I also wish you were my neighbor because if I heard you yell “I am going to get shit done MOTEHRFUCKER!” I would have yelled back “FUCKIN’ A!”

  120. I’ve spent the whole day footling about on the internet. You’ve inspired me to pull out that paperwork that is due next week and get started on it. I know I will never be a real grownup even though I do the dishes and vacuum now because I hate and dread anything related to business. I can’t even call the cable company to fix an error on my bill and just go “okay” and pay the extra charge. *smh*

  121. This post was timely – I’m feeling WAY more broken and fragile than normal. Today’s solution? An excess of caffeine and dance party music in my office. Who says you can’t book field trips while listening to Krewella?

  122. My day like that starts with having to take Lil Miss by car because we missed the bus, getting to the drop-off line before I realize I’m not wearing pants. Can’t get much more mortifying right??

  123. you had me at repressed emotions in our kneecaps. I always wondered why my knees hurt so bad. thanks for the clarification darling.

  124. I LOVE that. Sometimes you have to actually YELL it out loud, to make it sound real. I should do it now, since I have a list of stuff to do today outside that would take a team of men named Armando a week to accomplish, and yet, here I sit, reading your blog.

    My ‘moment’ was actually *last* week, when I got a 10-minute undeserved ASS chewing on the phone by a customer, who then hung up on me (deal-breaker, dude), which caused me to completely go OFF describing him in a verbal blue-streak. Which would have been comforting, if the whole conversation, during AND after hadn’t been overheard by my 17-year-old daughter AND the poor guy standing outside my car waiting to help me unload stuff at Goodwill.
    Him: Can I help you with this stuff?
    Me: Yes, oh wait—- (10 MINUTES go by while I listen to this guy rip me UP on the phone).

    Yeah. That was pretty AWESOME.
    It can only get better from there. On a positive note, my daughter learned a bunch of fun new adjectives. So, Yeah.

  125. Ha! Sometimes the most conservative people are the ones who laugh the hardest at foul language. They tend to laugh inwardly, but whatever. I just sadly loafed about the house yesterday, and it was pitiful. At one point I literally thought “I’d make a great agoraphobic.”

    But today I had a WONDERFUL morning, and I feel a MIGHTY NEED!i! to talk about it. I volunteer at a local animal rescue, and three of our cats (including one of my favorites) and one dog got adopted while I was there today. My favorite cat who got adopted is an adult, too, and it can be difficult to find homes for adult animals. I’m so happy that these sweet babies got their forever homes. Hooray! At this point, the moon would have to get waaay up in my grill to ruin my day. If my knees start to hurt, then I just need to remember that four fur babies were adopted by people who seem really excited to have them.

  126. I woke this AM and for the first time in 3 weeks didn’t want to kill myself. Now THAT’s is a great day. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

  127. Sometimes (I think) very sweet, very conservative neighbors just need a taste of a different side every once in while. amirite? that’s why I don’t think about it too much when I am screaming like a banshee in my house, my kids are going batshitcrazy and I realize my windows are wide open and the neighbors have stopped to cock their ears (yes, I just left the word “cock” in a comment and it was completely innocent).

  128. Thank you. Having a bit of a mental health struggle today and was considering quitting my job after a few embarrassing interactions with various coworkers. You have given me courage to go to dinner with them as planned and not hide in my room all night.

  129. You know, saying things that shock the neighbors does count as “getting shit done” Sometimes we get shit done that we didn’t even know needed to be done.

  130. UGH! That is totally how I have felt for the last three weeks! I thought it was supposed to end when September was over BUT APPARENTLY NOT. Thanks for reminding us we’re not alone.

  131. Jenny, I’m pretty sure I live near you. Want to go get coffee and be socially awkward together? I can wear a dinosaur hat for extra awkwardness.

  132. I’ve sold a bit of my sold to a writer mill today. I’m going to do more of that, because bills. I’m going to succeed at making dinner tonight, because I have to be a half-assed slightly ok lifemate. Otherwises, I’ll get das boot. Also, wine.

  133. Meh. Who gives a crap what your neighbor thinks? You’re getting shit done, MOTHERFUCKER!

  134. What the hell is it about September. It is the worst month for me every year! I have been dealing with crippling depression since the damned month of September started. It feels a bit like it is lifting. I found myself being “funny” today, sorta.

  135. I really wish I could feel that things are looking up, but I just don’t have access to that kind of positive thinking right now. Just so f**king sad.

  136. Damn that moon and it’s mood-shifting powers! Love the ‘getting shit done motherfucker’ vibe – it will be my mantra this new month. x

  137. Kristin at 189 – just breathe, stay, don’t give in and don’t go anywhere, you are valued and needed. Even if it’s just me. It will get better.

  138. I’ve noticed this too. I think people are getting stressed already about the holidays, and the looming threat of the family get-togethers. Whatever the cause, I wish you all the best in your productivity!

  139. (((Kristin at 189))) (these are hugs)

    no positive crap, just an ‘I know where you are and I’m there too’

  140. Yeah, I try to get all my human fuckery over with first thing. Of course, this is much easier if you get up way fucking early, like before 10 a.m. If you wait till the crack of noon there are too many witnesses. Helps if you sleep in regular cloths and then it almost looks like you were up for a while. Except for the bed head. And the the dried eye snot. And the smeared mascara. Mixed with the dried eye snot. getting a headache. going back to bed.

  141. Okay … first: checking the mail is getting one thing done isn’t it? So you were already ahead first thing this morning! second: you need to start a rumor in the neighborhood that you have a sister who looks a lot like you but that has that causes poor impulse control. That should keep you covered for awhile.

    To do list on a bad day: 1. check the mail. 2. brush teeth. 3. stay out of bed and awake for at least four consecutive hours. 4. check email. Check. Check. Check & Check. Hell yeah motherfuckers, I got shit done today.

  142. I gumptioned my kitchen cupboards yesterday. Yay me. When you come to Australia you’ll have to call in and have a look. I’m very proud of how clean they are.

  143. There *is* something in the air or the celestial alignments!

    MrSkippy is right (up at #180)–perhaps the Universe needed someone to scream “I’m gonna get some shit done, MOTHERFUCKER” because the elderly neighbor needed to hear it (or mis-hear it) for some reason in their own life.

    Thank you, Jenny and everyone here for making me feel like I’m among friends who get it.

  144. And in other news I can’t delete my post above, and now I look like an asshole. It wasn’t supposed to have a link to recent blog posts. Now I look like an asshole trying to get publicity. Today is getting even better!

    (Fixed. I hate it when I accidentally do that. Sending love. ~ Jenny)

  145. I once mooned an elderly neighbor (never back up under a clothesline unless you are wearing pants – or at least underwear), but I’ve never started my day by screaming profanity at one. Or at least not the elderly ones…

  146. Who needs coffee to wake up in the AM when you have enthusiastic neighbors? My morning began when my roommate started blasting country music at 7am and then proceeded to drop a pan onto the floor of our STUDIO apartment…I, too, utilized “MOTHERFUCKER,” but not in such a positive way.

  147. If it makes you feel better, my day started with both dogs rolling in something very, very dead – then having to wrangle their 60lb, wiggly bodies into the bathtub. So, I think your day is pretty good so far!

  148. Think positively, perhaps “very sweet and very conservative neighbor” was staring at you not because of the profanity but because he was also feeling “stuck” and your affirmation was the impetus he needed to get his day going.

  149. maybe your neighbor agreed in silence that he too was “going to get shit done” as well.

    get shit done motherfucker
    that sounds like a life lesson, dude, you are totally like oprah.

    community outreach opportunity that doesn’t involve an orange jumpsuit
    you could go into senior centers and motivate the elderly by walking the halls and screaming
    get shit done motherfucker

    that is motivational speaking right there, so now maybe oprah and tony robbins

    or maybe a marketing campaign like “just do it” only way better

    full of win

    epic win

  150. Right?! I’m in a funk. Today, I got out of bed at 6 PM and decided to go on a walk. I got dressed and put on my walking shoes but that was exhausting so I got back in bed. I still have my shoes on. So, score?

  151. I was driving to work when I was suddenly overcome by doubt that I had brushed my teeth. I could remember picking up the toothbrush because I had charged it over night, and I was thinking about battery life and whether it was better to charge it every night or let it run down first. But I could not remember getting toothpaste or actually brushing, and I spent the rest of the drive running my tongue over my teeth and trying to smell my breath. It was a scary feeling not to be able to remember and a portentous start to my day!

  152. I have a small pond by my front door. I love the frogs that live there. This morning there was a frog body on the sidewalk that looked like it had been dropped by something. I looked up and yelled, “Ok, which one of you goddamn birds killed my frog?!” My neighbor was out with his dog. I feel your pain.

  153. Funny, that is how I’ve felt all week. My husband found out on Monday he was losing his job at the end of the week and since then it has been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions and I’m not a fan of them.

  154. I can’t tell you how much I feel this. But I am going to negate the point of that sentence by attempting to do so. My husband is about to come home from a year long deployment. For anyone who hasn’t been thru this, it’s hard to understand the unsettled-excited-worried-happy-roller-coaster that this is. On top of that, obviously, I have perfectly aligned a really horrible struggle with depression with his coming home. I am struggling more than I have in years. I can’t talk to him about it, because I don’t want to make his transition harder. To top it off I am struggling to get out of bed every day and I have friends asking about when I will have the house cleaned and decorated for his coming home party… yeah. BUT! The reason I commented was to say I have so much love for you, and your humor, and your candor. I know depression lies. And I am going to go shout curses at a sweet unassuming stranger and get on with my day. Every day. Till it gets better. So… just.. thank you. 🙂

  155. I’m guessing it’s not water in the heads, but sloshy steamy effluvia sucked up headward by the reversal of the magnetic poles, but you’re the one who didn’t do anything euphemistic at Astrology class.

  156. Maybe, like many older persons, your neighbor is a bit “irregular”. And he got so inspired by your affirmation this morning that he went into his restroom and got sh!t done. You may have performed a public service, Jenny.

  157. Had my heart broken at the beginning of the week, so I suppose you’re right, things can only go up from there!

  158. Yesterday my day started with me taking my coffee mug to the office print room to try to get coffee. Luckily no one was around to hear the resulting profanities.

    In my defence, how can one be expected to be alert enough to figure out which room contains the coffee before one has had coffee?

  159. I just figured it was the shorter days and less sun, so our Seasonal Affective Disorders are kicking in.

  160. My two year old friend calls me Auntie Spider. Today I picked her up from daycare and she enthusiastically took me around telling everyone “itsa itsy spider” (we sing itsy bitsy spider together every day.) When she told her little friend from daycare “itsa spider”, Alex said “NO, bad spider!” she pushed him down and said “NO! BAD ALEX!” and lead me away with thunder on her face.I love my little henchlady.

  161. I want to know how you get your mail so early.

    Oh and I think I have all the water sucked out of my body too, I plan on dancing in a rain shower this morning, I can throw a few “Motherfuckin A” and “Water can kiss my lilly white ass’s” in there if that helps.

  162. I’ve been on an eleven week downward spiral of trying to find the right meds to deal with the occasional panic attacks I was having. I can’t remember the last time I felt this bad. Trying to hold it together as I come off another SSRI which made me freak out. I am constantly using your words to help me through this. “Depression lies”, although what’s making me depressed is feeling this way for the last three months. “I’m the only mother she has”…not that I’m having suicidal thoughts, but that phrase helps me to hold it together. And now I’ve been saying to myself “I’m gonna get shit done motherfucker!” Thanks Jenny….thanks for being you. Today I’m wearing my Life is Good t-shirt, because despite how I feel, my husband and my daughter and my friends and family make that statement true.

  163. It’s all about perspective……you are truly awesome!!! Have a horrible, great, awful, excellent day…..Cheers 🙂

  164. Oh heck, you’re good to go even with that slight faux pas. Just remember, if you wake up in the morning and DON’T find yourself in intervention, then the rest of the day is gravy.

  165. You know… old people INVENTED all of the profanity. I would bet she’s heard it before.

  166. Lord, that’s funny! Three cheers for freaking out your neighbor and giving them something to talk about for the rest of the day. Older folks love drama – at least from what I remember of my Grandma. Nothing as much fun as a scandal.

  167. Oh, thank you for posting this–I DO feel better knowing it’s not just me feeling this crazy shift! I have been anxious and weepy and dredging up old hurts for about the past 48 hours after MONTHS of nothing but blissful glee. Bloggess, you’re a saint. <3

  168. Today is the third day without my blog. I innocently wrote about a recent family wedding, using my own photos and WordPress shut it down. I’m kind of devastated… WordPress has ruined the internet! I’ve pleaded with them for help, but no reply as of yet…

  169. I’m amazed by all of the wonderful posts and suggestions that I’ve seen here, let alone the original post that inspired me. Jenny, you’re awesome, and you clearly have attracted a LOT of awesome readers. I now have a whole new list of blogs bookmarked for future reading, which is exciting!

    When I feel like I need a little encouragement, one of my favorite things to do is put on “Hang On Little Tomato” by Pink Martini. It is this light, happy, breezy tune with such an old-fashioned feeling, and then just when you think it’s all instrumental, the incomparable China Forbes tells the story of a disheartened tomato barely clinging to its vine.

  170. I think my neighbors are just grateful that I remain clothed in front of my windows. Sean is right – they offered astrology at your school? That’s awesome.

  171. Apologizes if anybody’s already said this, but THAT needs to be a crossstitch pattern.

  172. At least dear sweet conservative neighbor can say without hesitation that his life isn’t dull. Kudos to you for the contribution to his day. 😀

  173. I’ve been on the verge of slapping someone (anyone) silly for the past 2 weeks.

    The past two weeks have been unbelievably stupid and frustrating–I finally just put my head down, turn off my phone and close my email for a couple hours and get plow through some shit at work.

    2 Weeks ago I was having chest pains and was sent to the emergency room and admitted–having 4 doctors tell me I was on the verge of a heart attack–to 3 days later having a cardiac catheterization to see what was happening and having one of those same doctors tell me..”huh! your heart looks great–nothing wrong here!”

    You know it’s going to be a bad week when you wake up on Tuesday wishing it would hurry and be Friday. Then on Saturday I start dreading Monday again.

  174. Is it wrong of me just to want to scream CHALUPA! every time I read one of your blog posts?

    (For the record, that is an iconic comedic moment for me of the same magnitude as spaceships hanging in the air in much the same way that bricks don’t, and a day without sunshine being like, you know, night. Also very much like when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.)

  175. I bet you totally made your neighbor’s day. Because at the very least, he was probably thinking, “At least I don’t go outside and shout obscenities first thing in the morning.” So then he felt good about himself. And you felt good about yourself because you knew your day could only get better. Really, that’s a win for everyone.

  176. I wish you guys would get healthcare. I wish that every time I go to the doctor (which is often) and every time my American friends go to the doctor (which is often). I wish.

  177. Everyone I know is either sick or depressed this month too.

    My family has the philosophy you get to say something really stupid every month or so, since people are fallible and anyone who never says anything stupid is probably unbelievably boring. Many years ago, John Elway said something stupid about a rival and when prompted, he responded “”Every year I say something stupid…This year I’ve gotten it out of the way early.” That is how we try and look at it.

  178. It’s not the moon. Look within. It’s within you 🙂 Heh! Heh! I am turning to pop-philosophy. That’s what comes out of reading thebloggess 🙂 Whoops!

  179. Heh. I read this and immediately thought of the bumper sticker I saw back in the late 90s:

    Open a portal to a realm of evil and darkness first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen for the rest of the day.

    I always wondered, “What about when something steps through the portal you just told me to open?!?”…

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