Horrible, wonderful taxidermy. Someone up there likes me. And hates Victor.

I don’t even know where to start with this, so I’m skipping right to: “OMG, YOU GUYS, I HAVE FOUND HEAVEN AND IT’S ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE CORPSEY THAN YOU WOULD EXPECT.”

Long story short, this weekend we went to a tiny town near us to go to resale stores because we’re strange people who like weird, used things.  As you might know, I have a particular penchant for badly done, super-old taxidermy that makes me laugh and makes people who have to visit my house very uncomfortable.  By late afternoon we came across a large odd store filled with so much weird, half-price shit that it was like coming home.  In fact, I fell so in love with one section of the store that the guy in charge told me I could come and bring my laptop, get into bed and write there after they were closed if I needed quiet time.  It was so awesome I suspect it’s some sort of set-up to arrest me for arson I haven’t yet achieved.

Taxidermy, old books, an unmade bed. These are a few of my favorite things.

Regardless, I have to share a pictorial essay about the amazingness you can only come across in Texas.

Just a fraction of the frightening, vintage taxidermy we saw when we first walked in. Victor and I were both like, "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" but I suspect we were saying it for different reasons.

Every corner had something amazing to behold:

Do you know what a lion looks like when it's horking up a hairball? Well, you do now. I don't know what that thing is on it's back. I thought it was a dog but it might have been a small bear or a preemie sasquatch.
Most people just throw away their fish heads, but apparently early crafters realized that if you nail them to a plank they look just like Christmas carolers hitting a high note. I suspect this is going to be the newest DIY thing on Pinterest.

This was actually from the shop next door but it still seems to fit here:

Of course, I couldn’t buy them all, so I settled on my three favorite friends.

I don't know what this is, but I love it. The pine-cone fell off when I got home...
…so I replaced it with a tiny mug, except now that I look at it, it sort of looks like he's relieving himself in it because he really, really needs to pee, or was interrupted when giving a sperm sample. Regardless, I think we can all relate.

Ferris Mewler was impressed.  Or hungry.

I also got a…weasel?  I don’t have a name yet, but she’s very well dressed because I have insomnia:

She wears a fez now. Fezzes are cool.
She also has excellent taste in books. It's pretty obvious she's classy as shit.

And my personal favorite…possibly the derpiest taxidermy animal in the history of ever.  I cannot walk past her and not laugh my ass off and that makes her the best investment ever.  That’s why I own taxidermied animals instead of a 401k.

There is not an angle that she looks bad in.  She is the gift that keeps on giving.  She needs a name.  Feel free to give suggestions.

604 thoughts on “Horrible, wonderful taxidermy. Someone up there likes me. And hates Victor.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I was feeling inexplicably sad today, so I decided to see what’s going on in your magical world. One look at Derpy there and I’m smiling again. 🙂

  2. Oh, thank you. I was having the shittiest day, and dear Deer Delilah at the end there just made it all better. I needed that. You rock =)

  3. Holy hell, I laughed so hard at this post. THANK YOU!!!
    And that squirrel-type guy with the sperm sample? He reminds me of Scrat from the Ice Age movies…too funny!!!!

  4. I think ‘Derpy’ might have it to be quite honest!

    Maybe that expression in the first picture is because she can SEE what Scratt is doing with that coffee mug…

    Poor Derpy.

  5. I think her name might be Julie Derpy. You know, like the Golden Globe nominated actress… Only derpier.

  6. OMG…this makes me want to start collecting taxidermy. Or maybe I will just come here and look at the pictures of yours since if I brought these into the house …well, I don’t know what would happen, but it probably wouldn’t be good.

  7. You have so many pieces of awesome bits of art and whatnot, at least, it seems that way from your writing. Do you ever have trouble getting rid of any of it?

  8. It’s like you found home. You should have a book of short stories called “Tales from the creepy communal bed in the taxidermy shop”.. You’re better at titles than I am, but you get where I’m going.

    I needed this today. Thank you for continuing to be you. <3

  9. OMG I wish that were not so damn far from me because awesome sauce has been liberally poured upon this place.

    I have to say if you added a little bow your newest addition kinda reminds me of pearl from mama’s family

  10. Oh dear Lord. That is amazing. I think you should name her Flashdance Rabbit. Because she can’t dance and she’s not a rabbit, which is why it makes perfect sense. Thank you for sharing!

  11. Oh. My. Glorious. I can’t stop laughing. See, this what happens when deer get addicted to crack. Lay off, Bambi. lay off.

  12. You could name her Louise Jefferson. You know, “Weezy” .That’s what George called her. And that woman was smart AND sassy.

  13. The derpy deer head from angle 1 has that “I can kill you with my brain” kind of look. Maybe name her Deerlirious?

  14. I am SO glad everyone else is gone for the day so I can bust out laughing in peace and without nervous glances. Although that can be fun, too.

    As for name suggestions, the only ones that come to mind are Doe-reen and Deer-dre, because apparently unrestrained laughter robs me of creativity.

  15. How much is the lion? We should take up a collection. Because then you’re not buying it, it’s a *present*. Victor can’t veto a *present* right?

  16. Oh Jenny, I rarely comment on your blog, but am a regular reader, and this post just affirms why I love having you as part of my virtual world. It doesn’t get any better on a Monday than seeing a weasel in a fez. That is one deranged looking shrew – perhaps some valium rather than coffee? Will you be making a return trip to that store called Heaven?

  17. The name needs to be Tiddliwinks Jenkins. I don’t know how or why that came to me, but I almost believe it is divine inspiration.

  18. I do not envy the backlash the ASPCA and PETA will have on you. These are farking HYSTERICAL!!!

    (Weirdly, I’m a member of PETA and a strong supporter of the ASPCA. I think it confuses them. Plus, all my taxidermy died before I was born or died of natural causes so it’s ethically murky enough to make protesters confused. ~ Jenny)

  19. “i’m dancing right now and it is glorious” made my day.
    hope someone wittier than me comes up with a name along the lines of dirty dancing or flashdance…

  20. I’m not sure if it’s possible, but if you’re a Harry Potter fan, I’d go with Jenny Weasely. How could you not?

    OH my gosh! two great laughs in one day. That derpy deer is AMAZING!

  21. Don’t know why but the first name that crossed my mind for the deer was Lerma, which is probably not even a real name.

  22. So, I’m thinking Mommy Deer-ie is saying, “I’ve got my eye on you! No WIRE HANGERS!!!”

  23. OMG…. I could not possibly love you anymore without actually hunting you down and hugging you while I cry. You make my life so much brighter with every post. Thank you for being you, Jenny.

    And for the record, I’m voting to name the derpy deer LaToya.

  24. There isn’t a soul on this earth who could make weird taxidermy more fetching than you do. The weasel in a fez. Be still my heart!

  25. I”m pretty sure the thing on the lion is a marten, though it’s a little hard to see. Possibly a fisher, or a malformed bear cub.
    The weasel is indeed a long-tailed weasel.

  26. I love how two shops right next to one another both sold taxidermy. What IS this place you live in?!

    Also I’ve been told “derp” is an offensive word, because of the cognitive disability it implies? I’m not explaining this well but someone told me this the other day and I figured I would pass it on. I figure if it hurt someone’s feelings, I don’t need another reason not to use it when English is chock-full of lovely inoffensive words.

  27. I was trying to come up with a name to suggest for the . . . deer(?), but then I saw the comment about the squirrel from Ice Age needing a giant acorn, and now all I can think is, “So THAT’S why he needs to give a sperm sample.”

  28. This just made my afternoon. Thank you so much for sharing! I really hope that while I am working in Russia next month I can keep up with your posts. It’s going to be a long month if I can’t get a pick up from your writing and photos.

  29. I love to watch old movies and musicals. Your deer should be called Deeranna Durbin (after the actress Deanna Durbin) because she is so happy she may sing a cheery little at any moment.

  30. Derpy there just made me laugh so hard I’m crying. Except I’m at work and shouldn’t be looking at non-work-related-shit, so it sounded more like a series of snorts. Snorts with tears. I wonder what my coworkers think I’m doing back here in my office…

  31. I started laughing hysterically at this line: Victor and I were both like, “WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?” but I suspect we were saying it for different reasons.

    And never stopped…..still can’t stop. People at work think I’m convulsing.

  32. Minerva! After Minerva the Roman goddess of wisdom and sponsor of arts, trade, and defense. Because that face screams wisdom to me.

  33. I feel like Derpy would have a lisp, which made me laugh even more when I went back and reread it out loud with a lisp. And, actually, I think they’d all talk with lisps – could be the teeth or the expression on their faces or the fact that lisps make me giggle.

  34. That last one is OBVIOUSLY a Gracie. Like Gracie Allen, George Burns’ faithfully derpy sidekick. And the first one has shrew-like features….but I definitely could go with Scrat.

  35. THE FEZ!!! I freaking LOVE the fez! this was, quote possibly, the funniest thing I have seen in 2014…..great blog

  36. Laughing hurts post tummy bug… but I love the newest, craziest additions to your family. Your deer is obviously looking for a serious drug reference name – so possibly something along the lines of Lindsey Lohan, Courtney whatsername that used to date Kurt Cobain, or something… I can’t brain today or I’d have something awesome to suggest.

  37. I know this name is derpy, but I think the weasel should be Sonica Shrewdriver or Doctor Donna Shrewdriver (if we’re going for a Doctor Who pun)?

    Or if you want to go with your history of plays on famous or well known names, Minnie Shrewdriver?

    Thanks for posting this, I completely LOL’ed loudly at work. My office-mates must fear I’m having a nervous breakdown.

  38. That deer is obviously Crazy-eyed Ed. Obviously. Also, please tell me you got the deer hoof flip off?

  39. Delilah the Derpy Deer!

    Can I just say those pictures of her had tears running down my face I was laughing SO HARD! This has been a shitty day, but ole Derpy has saved the day!

  40. the loveliness of the fawn..indeed she is the Mary and you are the Rhoda…it’s clear. I Love your new pets. all of them! TRUE love- You have awakened “desire” that did not exist before…thank you.

  41. LOL! those are wonderfully awful! And I want to add my vote to Delilah – that’s what I was going to suggest anyway when I saw Cami’s comment at #3. GMTA?

  42. I think the deer needs to be named Durphina (sounds like Durfina). Dame Durphina! of Derpville! *head desk* time for more cold meds and a shower before work >.<

  43. Oh holy shit, I’m sitting here at work, nearly pissing myself, tears in my eyes & I HAVE to keep my hand over my mouth so my boss doesn’t hear the cackle that’s building up inside of me. Wow, that’s some of the most amazing taxiderpy I’ve seen in a long time. I know Victor kind of understands what you’re accumulating..but I wonder what your daughter thinks of all this? Please tell me she has twisted tea parties with stuff..

  44. Oh Jenny, those smiley fish heads were amazing. Thank you and as for naming your deer, all I can think of is “Dear Wanda The Dancing Deer” shhh it is early here in Australia and I haven’t had my coffee yet. But thanks to you I am having a very smiley morning.

  45. The deer looks like it died REALLY surprised. And not in a surprise birthday party kind of way.

  46. 1. After reading your book, this blog makes so much more sense now.

    2. I am torn between delight and disgust at anything taxidermied. I suppose that’s probably the draw.

  47. I have never commented before – just quietly stalked and laughed. But I needed to write today and ask two things:
    1) Why aren’t we neighbors and best friends? We have the same name for godsakes.
    2) How did you manage to marry the most patient man in the universe? I know he doesn’t allow you to buy EVERYTHING, but he sure lets you get away with a lot! Mine would definitely cut me off after two poorly taxidermied animals.

  48. Okay, I know it’s been said, but she totally looks like a Jane. It must be Jane Doe. Jane would go dancing without a body. Jane is that supportive friend who’s always there with a wildly inappropriate joke to make you laugh when you’re down. Jane embraces her wonky eye.

  49. Her name should be Erma Gerd.

    You thought that meme was dead? Nope, only here can we breathe new life into it – and make it better – with taxidermy.

  50. I’m thinking she should be named Jonny Derp. People are work are wondering why I’m crying on my keyboard…

  51. As Andrea says above, Minerva. But I will add a surname – Minerva McGonaldoe.

    I went to look for “Female weasel name” but “female weasel counterpart Winnie” is already a thing on Google so I suspect people are way ahead of me.

  52. Omg……I’ve been reading your blog forever and, while amused,never commented….until now. I am laughing so hard I am crying and you have NO idea how badly I needed that. I love you Jenny, you are my Texas soul sister!!

  53. It has been a LONG time since I laughed so hard. That weasel looks like Mrs. Fezziwig to me, and the deer? Derpilicious the Dancing Queen? Beats the fuck out of me. I think I’ve deprived myself of oxygen from laughing . . .

  54. I thought your “favorite” was a giraffe, not a deer. I’m not sure if it’s because a giraffe just seems far more grandiose and generally fantabulous so I’ve adopted this as the more appealing identification in my mind, or if it really is a giraffe. Where’s Jack Hannah when you need him?

  55. I read this recently and thought of you when I saw the picture of the taxidermied (sp?) ostrich and the caption “Although it seems strange, having taxidermy pieces in one’s home was once a sign of affluence.”

    A Rich Woman Abandoned This Apartment In 1942. What They Just Found Inside Is Incredible. (http://www.viralnova.com/paris-apartment/)

  56. I know you will love these. FloridaTaxidermied Varmits are in a world of their own… Our varmits in Florida get drunk, play piano, and are EVEN SECRET SQUIRREL PAPARAZZI.. We even have them in electric chairs run by hand crank rats. Check out the ones I took pics of that are FOR SALE!!!!! Right down the street in Lake County, Florida!! You are welcome in Advance. PS. The store owner is awesome and has kept some of the names I chose for our little friends… https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10202398760027916.1073741839.1160651081&type=1&l=f49181a5f3

  57. That’s the classiest weasel I have ever seen….. and I just don’t even have words for that magnificent and hilarious deer…..

  58. Huh. Looks like a Felicia to me. Maybe a Randy, for a boy. But the tongue thing is definitely a Miley Cyrus kinda thing. Ummmm. I’m gonna stick with Randy. Randy-licious! Oooooh yeah. Lemme lick ya.
    Thanks. Now I`m going to have the voice of a horny, retro-70`s-porn-voiced, non-existant, unnamed, taxidermied deer head in MY head all day.
    Oh, stuff me and mount me…the rest of today is gonna be interesting!!!

  59. I just did a super quick scan of the comments – I upvote for Minerva or Willemina.
    Also, she needs hair bow – with SPARKLES!!!

  60. Oh my god, she is spectacular! Part of me says “Susan” and part of me says “Hermia” (But now that I look at the other comments “Delilah” sounds promising

  61. Please name her Darla! Deer Darla! PLEASE! It would be such a tribute to a woman that deserved to be stuffed and put on the wall!

  62. Remember last week when I sent you the link about real, actual ways parts of the body can be hurt by laughing too hard? I think I did two of them.

  63. I love naming things! I have a few suggestions:

    Fernando or Jayne Cobb for the Starbucks fan, Maureen Hacklesberry for the Fez wearing weasel, and Her Majesty Lydia Fantastic.

  64. Please PLEASE create an album of all your wonder-filled finds. I tried to show my daughter how fin you are and we succumbed to internet ADD.

  65. I totally would have suggested Derpy Hooves, but then you’d totally be at risk of infringement with My Little Pony. Oh – and I thought it was a goat at first. Because I CLEARLY know what animals look like.

    As for the weasel… you should add to the Weasely family. That is CLEARLY Molly, because she’s classy as shit. And looks like she will eat your face off if you mess with her. Well, you know… if she were still alive. Ooooh – Maully Weasely.

    PS – That totally looks like a squirrel-rat hybrid. Of the evil variety. CLEARLY it’s Gregori Ratsputin.

  66. I gotta go with Jenny for the deer name but wait, hear me out. It’s Jenny from Forest Gump and it’s the scene where she is in the nightclub and has just done a line of blow and whips her head back up to survey the room and has the EXACT SAME LOOK ON HER FACE. Plus, bonus: you now have a good excuse to go find her mate, Forest Gump. See that? I totally just did you a solid.

  67. Dear gawd, that sneering squirrel thing rocks. I think its name should be Christopher Peeve.

  68. I don’t have a name for the deer, but if you ever get another stoat hopped up on goofballs, you should name her Methyl Ermine.

  69. I have the PERFECT nom de plume for the fez-wearing weasel. In honor of another fez-wearing friend of yours, she must be called Wilhelmina Weaselton.

  70. First little guy – has kidney stones and is in pain. Name: Stoney

    Ferret in school dress: Madeline de Furet (Ferret in french is Furet)

    Deer: MARTY FELDEERMAN

  71. Ohmygod the tiny terror squirrel looks like my SOUL. Complete with the coffee cup. Amazing. I lovelovelove the deer.

  72. When I saw the title, I was really hoping that the unknown someone that bought the unicorn had sent it to you as a gift. Sigh.

  73. Sylvia in honor of Sylvia Plath! Plus, with that collar can’t you see some baby deer going, “Oh, that’s just CRAZY Aunt Sylvia….” :S

  74. I fear that not bringing home the pillow-backed lion was a terrible oversight.

    I think Jess has hit it on the nose with Erma Gerd for the deer’s name.

  75. I don’t understand why my favorite friends here don’t get you?!!

    This is what happened to Bambi after the movie, like other child actors his fame and fortune became too much for him to handle and he was swept into the main stream, began using drugs and drinking. Spending so many years in and out of rehab. Only to spiral more and more out of control. Hanna Montana should take note to how Bambi ended up…this could be her one day.

  76. Oh, my, dog, I laughed so hard I scared the one normal cat we have. And even Mr Puppy is looking at me stranger than usual. The deer? Darleene. Or Deerleen. She totally looks like a Deerleen.

  77. Holy Crap! That derpy weasel with the fez, that looks like he’s saying “Phteven” is holding the book pendant I made for Jenny! This is as exciting as when she tweeted a picture of it when she received it.

  78. I did not realize, until now, that all ferrets should wear fezzes. You have shown me the truth.

    Also, the world doesn’t hate Victor, we just enjoy his reaction too much. Sorry Victor, thanks for taking one for the team!

  79. Eloise for a lifetime of helpful hints that she could give you or Madge, the Palmolive lady, because “You’re soaking in it.”

  80. I think the deer should be called Cha Cha DeerGregorio. It’s a reference to Cha Cha DiGregorio from the movie “Grease.” After all, she was the best dancer at Saint Bernadette’s! Keep up the awesome posts! They give me much needed laughs!

  81. I agree w/ Snod V. Deer Abby. If only you had a column to hang her on, she could be Deer Abby the Columnist.

    Also, hands up, everyone who when they saw the 4th picture, started the “Fish Heads” song running through their heads…

  82. The weasel reminds me of Gretchen Fox from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas.
    I think the deer should be named Phtefanie.

  83. I was so sad when Pat the Unicorn sold before the funds were raised to buy him/her! Who knew you had so many taxidermical wonders so close by! The deer hoof – genius. The scrat – what the heck IS that thing. Thank you so much for the laugh.

  84. Name her Lola. That’s the song that came in my head while looking at her. The one that goes “Her name is Lola. She was a show girl. …”

  85. Omg this is the funniest thing ever, wish I was married to victor, although my husband has finally agreed I could buy a jackalope head only to find it had sold, I think he knew.

  86. Tears were streaming down my face so hard that the first time I looked through, I didn’t catch that you featured the tiny book my dear friend KIT from KIT’S DESIGNS made for you! And so freaking appropriate that the dear little derpy weasel is also wearing a FEZ, since Kit is also one of the biggest 11th Doctor fans I know!
    Ah, my internet friends all have such excellent taste!

  87. The name Cloris jumped into my head as soon as I saw the deer. Don’t know why. LOVE the weasel in the fez….
    Thanks again, Jenny!

  88. I’m a long time lurker and a few comment poster. I think the deer should be named Sassy Lashes McKenna

  89. For the weasel: Fezmerelda Weaslington. It’s classy and sophisticated, which is obviously her style.

    As for the deer, I have no idea….

  90. Flouncy. She looks like she’d be singing that Glamorous song by Fergie. Therefore, Flouncy it is.

  91. You are my honest-to-God hero. Or heroine. Or heroin. The only kind I can have ’cause I’m Mormon :).

  92. That deer. I think her name needs to be Doreen and I think she needs a pillbox hat so that she looks like a really irreverent, awkward 50’s housewife.

  93. Those aren’t fish heads. It’s what Boba Fett sent George Lucas to confirm the hit on Jar-Jar and his entire family had been carried out.

    Damn, but you shop at the coolest stores.

  94. Why wait ’til they’re closed to take up residence in the bed? I think you would be an awesome store fixture…and would probably generate a lot of floor traffic.

  95. My husband and I stayed at a lodge one time that had a two-headed calf on the wall (among many, many other wall hangings–and a taxidermy goose chandelier…when the air conditioner was on, the geese would turn in the wind and look at you.). Creeeeeepy. I think I had nightmares every night we were there.

  96. It’s post like these, from you, that are making me actually look forward to (slightly) our move to TX. Now I just need to find something this fantastic by the new house.

  97. The weasel could be part of the ever growning Weasley family? Ginny or Molly. Or if we are going Dr. Who, 11th style Clara/Oswin/Oswald. I do like the earlier suggestions of Deerlilah though. The little guy with the cup looks like Twitchy the squirrel from Hoodwinked. Definitely Twitchy.

  98. The kind of Elvis lip-snarl that the weasel has keeps cracking me up…I go back to look at it and snort all over again,
    “Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.”

  99. Ok one more post since no ones asked who makes these clothes for these animals and how are you not making millions on just writing stories on the adventures of the animals or as a clothes prop artist for taxidermy animals

  100. Oh, darling, that deely deer is none other than the great Isadeera Duncan! Mother of Modern Damce and scary “Scanners”-I keel you with my thoughts looks!
    Yup. That’s it. 🙂

  101. The look on that deer’s face is magic. I would name her Hortensia because she looks like one to me. I know I keep suggesting you watch/read things in my comments. Have you seen that show ‘Oddities’? It is on Netflix. I highly recommend it to you. It is full of old/interesting taxidermy and human body parts and sideshow performers. What’s not to love?

  102. Winona the weasel wears a fez but was particually pissed that she didn’t have a velevt smoking jacket to complete the look.

  103. The deer looks very, very proper with her Oh, so lovely collar; she needs a very proper name, I propose….Priscilla Elizabeth Georgina VanCervidae.

  104. Jenny, you are either fucking fabulous or extremely cruel. You made me laugh in the middle of a “please fucking shoot me now” migraine. Actually, the fact that you made me laugh while in such excruciating pain shows how fucking fabulous you are because to be able to make me laugh when I feel like this is a gift from the gods. Seriously, I needed the laugh. Thank you.

    Also, if you find crochet sweater or hat patterns for any of your animals, I volunteer my crocheting skills. I see offers and I know you know we’d do it. 🙂

  105. I feel like Derpy’s name should be OH SHIT, because that’s what I yelled when I saw it (at my desk, at work, you’re welcome everyone near me).

  106. OMG YOU FOUND SCRAT!!!!!! I LOVE HIM! Please oh please give him an acorn…but just out of his reach dangling from a thread with a boulder above his head waiting to smash him! hahahahaha

  107. OMG! Fezes are cool! And Bowties are cool! But, not Stetsons. Apparently Stetsons are not cool.

  108. Sir Norman Creepenstein, Esquirrel.
    Lady Fiona Ferret
    Bette Deeris, star of “Whatever Happened to Bambi Jane?”

  109. It seems our most beloved Bloggess has claimed yet another earthly shrine of contemplative repose. This is too much for this long time worshiper not to comment. I suggest ‘Isadoe Deercan’ (given her mystical dancing prowess) as a name for your deer (possibly with a simple scarf for a little added drama?) .
    I’m torn between the names ‘Weezy-May Allcaught’ and ‘Weezy Shriner’ for your weasel though. Love that red fez… hey! ‘Morocco Molly’ kinda has a nice ring to it… maybe with a stylish pair of wayfarer sunglasses? I like it. Mostly because it leaves an opening for her becoming a bookend for some future ‘Secreting Squirrel’ you know?
    (Sorry, Victor… sometimes the seeds of creative playfulness just cry out to be scattered in the wind… especially those collected in tiny coffee mugs.)

  110. I love that mini Let’s Pretend This Never Happened book pendant the weasel (Whose name might be Tayra Banks, as a tarya is in the weasel family, and some even have that little pouf on the ends of their tails!) is “reading”!! I got one from Kit’s Designs on Etsy even!!

  111. More awesomeness than most humans can handle! Love them all, the fez is amazing..I love stores like that. I might need to go and find one.

  112. Someone said Minerva. I like it.
    How about Minerva McDerpa? I’m pretty sure you don’t have any Scottish dead, yet.

  113. Um, I think you need to go back and buy that thing (fox? coyote?) in the middle row left of the second photo. Because if that animal is not saying “HEY GIRL HEEEEEEEYYYYYY,” nothing ever has, or will.

  114. My best friend and I are not fond of awkward pauses in conversations abruptly followed by a terrible and unrelated change in subject. So we created the perfect transition to be used in most any situation…

    “Speaking of taxidermy…”

    Speaking of taxidermy, did you see the way those Lululemon leggings showed every polka dot in Margot’s underwear?
    Speaking of taxidermy, what WAS Jacqueline Bisset mumbling in her Golden Globes acceptance speech last night?
    Speaking of taxidermy, would you remind me to call my gyno and get the appointment for my pap changed from this Thursday to next Tuesday?

  115. I seriously am liking the Jane Doe. The cluelessness of her aura screams Jane Doe to me. And anyone that suggested glitter is right on too. She could definitely use something sparkly, like a big sequined bow that is the color of pink on your blog. Yeah, and a pearly/rinestoney necklace.
    Oh, and I would add a gold grill, white tank top, & saggy jeans to that little shrewy one. He would be a cute thug.
    AS for the fez wearing weasel…how about Calliope Grinder-Mason?

  116. First time commenter, long time reader. I love Wheezie for the weasel. I also vote for Jane Doe for the deer, she just looks like a Jane.

  117. If the weasel is wearing a fez…….it should have a bow tie and a sonic screwdriver…..
    Then it could be called The Weastor

  118. I think these are from Stevie Wonder’s private collection, he started taxidermy when he found out his music sucked. I like Gretchen. I will never look at taxidermied animals the same again

  119. So the funny thing is the one above that you is the dear flipping off- i bought one that had of the hooves/ double one and gave to friend as a gun holder. He loves it and has it hanging proudly in his home among all his dead animals he’s shot.

  120. 50 % off flayed fish heads ?? holy crap, the plane ticket will pay for itself.

    Texas is weird.

  121. The weasel (if you get this far down in the comments) needs to be named Sydney Ermeenstreet, after Sidney Greenstreet. The guy who wears the fez in Casablanca.

    Just Sayin’.

  122. Well, her name is Deerdra, duh. I don’t know her last name though, you’ll have to check with her husband. She looks quite fetching in that black collar. It must have been dress up day at the library where she works. Either that, or she was trying to impress the male librarian with her fashion sense. But yeah, Deerdra.

    I love how the fish heads are half off. And that someone made not just one of these things, but five. Because one wasn’t enough. One is never enough when it comes to fish head plaques.

    See what happens when we start to follow your blog so closely? We all start to think like you.

  123. You need to paint the weasel’s nails and call her something Amy Pond-esque. Because fezzes are indeed cool.

  124. WELL, my day WAS craptacular until this very minute. These are awesome!! I think you should have taken home the dingo type thing in the case with other assorted aminimals.

    I like Deerdra, perhaps Von Hoofmanstov for the last name?

  125. It is like my brain is exploding with names…but can’t seem to find the right one. Please let us know the final choice because we need to know the names to write on the cake.

  126. yep same here jen,,,having a terrible day,,,love love love the weasily guy in the dress dressed like matt smith’s sister…and all the lovely smiling joyous derpiness it made me feel…hugs! thanks for making my day a little less horrible aka there is an attacking dalek in my house..(soon to be ex)…love you

  127. Wait, wait, wait…is the deer’s tongue sticking out? That is just…rather…awesome. Creepy awesome.

    I get the sad feeling, though, this deer met someone’s windshield hence the whole startled, messed up “Shit! Humans!” look on her face.

    And the 3 fish heads on a board would make a fantastic family Christmas stocking holder….just sayin’. Little Santa hats on them…jingle bell necklaces.

  128. The weasel looks like a Miss Weasa May AlaCarte, to me.

    The deer is easily Ms Deerily Beloved.

    (Oxygen deprivation from laughter may have had something to do with those names)

  129. This, all of this, is absolutely fantastic! I could only hope to find a treasure one day! As far as names go … I saw her and immediately thought she looked like a “Clarice.” I suggest Clarice Wigginpoof. (We named our Christmas tree Geraldine Wigginpoof and “Clarice” looks just like a Wigginpoof relative and thus the last name; it would be an honor).

    xo!
    Beth

  130. I just got finished dealing with a student who is in a very dark, very sad, depressed state. I am not able to find anyone available to process my own feelings about it, so I logged on to FB, and lo and behold, there you are with a perfect post to help me squash my feelings of sadness until I have time to deal with them. Bravo!!! You are a sanity saver today!

  131. Gloria. For some bizarre reason I heard the song (“Gloria” from Flashdance) in my head when I looked at her. So that’s my name suggestion.

  132. I love you. The FEZ IS AWESOME! All of it is awesome. And I totally want the sleigh bed, and the critter behind the preemie sasquatch…The coked up deer is terrifying but in a good way. MWAH!

  133. Holy Shit! I can’t stop laughing. I am amused and scared all at the same time. You are seriously f*cked up in a ‘I want to be your sane neighbor’ kind of way. I can’t even imagine what your neighbors think when they visit, but I want to be them, just so we look like ‘normal’ people. I thought that singing fish from the old McDonald’s commercial was weird and then that singing bass that everyone had, but those caroling fish heads are…..a new trend? I can totally see that on Pinterest. As far as the ‘deer in the headlights’, maybe name it “Kim Goodman” (Google it) that’s what it reminds me of, those friggin eyes!!!

  134. Can you please adopt me so I can go to these places with you? I promise I’m potty trained and I have all my shots and I’m not an axe murderer. Pleeeaase?

    Also your deer looks like a Tinkerbelle to me.

  135. Oh god!! I’m smothering myself with a pillow so I don’t wake my roomates up with my laughing. This totally makes me want to get some taxidermied animals! Although I’m woried it might cause my roomates to kick me out. They think I’m wierd enough already…

    And that weasel looks like something from an old Poirot movie. One where they are in the desert and everyone are classy as hell because they are british aristocrats and no matter how warm it is they are going to have their afternoon tea served hot.

  136. I have to agree with number 1; as soon as you said she is the derpiest she became “Dear Derpy Deer “in my head. I believe she could write an amazing advice column.

  137. Bette Derpis.
    You could sing “She has Bette Derpis Eyes” in ermahgerd, although I suppose that would make it Bertte Derpis. Has a certain cachet, IMHO.

  138. And now this is running through my head…

    Dancy the red-eyed reindeer
    Had a very eerie gaze
    And if you ever saw it
    You would want to run away.

    All of the other reindeer
    Used to laugh and call her names
    Now they are fresh chopped venison
    Served with all her reindeer games.

  139. It also occurs to me, with the addition of very large glasses, Bertte Derpis could pass as Professor Trelawney. A nice addition to the Potter group.

  140. You might want to name him HIM Victor Jr, cuz I’m pretty sure it’s button buck not a doe. Or maybe HER scent glands are just happy to see you. Or perhaps she fell off the wall and those two bumps are concussion related. Regardless…Awesomeness abounds!

  141. I just came home from work totally exhausted and a little glum and this post is exactly what I needed. I totally heart you Jenny! Thank you for the laugh 🙂

  142. First off, the ferret is marvelous! The fez is AWESOME! As for the deer…when I looked at her, I thought “Cholula the derpy deer”. FYI, Cholula is also a brand name of hot sauce…

  143. This is hilarious. I’m sorry- I don’t see why you didn’t bring home one of those foxes. Because it’s name would have (obviously ) been Foxy Brown. Other than that- the fez on the ferret is awesome.

  144. Perhaps I missed it among the earlier comments, but I think Dear Deerdre would be appropriate for Ms. Derpy.

  145. Can’t believe Clarice has already been suggested! You could pay homage to both Rudolph and Hannibal Lecter. Of course, I also love Deerdra!

  146. You mentioned: Cocaine and Dancing
    I see : Those large googly eyes.
    I can’t stop envisioning Liza Minnelli during the days of Studio 54.
    Find that gal a cabaret top hat. STAT.

  147. Omg–I’m going to have to invest in some Depends if I keep reading your posts on a regular basis!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the weasel! I’m not that creative when I can’t sleep!!

  148. Rolling! Love the hilarious way you bring the scene further to life, and I’m from Texas and that store full-on looks like Heaven!… or maybe Hell. Yeah, don’t want to go to Heaven, none of my friends would be there. Thanks for such a rockin’ and evocative and funny Hell to resonate with … with fezzes.

  149. I say name the deer “Mason,” because the first thought I had when I saw that deer was that it was the taxidermy equivalent of the Reaper from the show “Dead Like Me” who was stoned all the time.

    Also because the name can be unisex.

  150. I had such a rough day today and this… this made my night. Fez wearing weasel is my favorite, and if you don’t take that guy up on his offer to take over the store at night, I’ll forever be disappointed.

  151. Well, if I ever part with the taxidermied animal in my basement, I will photograph it and offer it to you first. He even have suitable creepy, follow you everywhere eyes.

  152. You were in my neighborhood! My daughter used to work as a visual display artist at Homestead for Carol Hicks Bolton and took over her furniture line design several years ago. All of the things you enjoy here have been like mother’s milk to us. Glad you had a good time in FBG and hope you got to have lunch at Woerner’s Warehouse next door. Y’all come back!

  153. My brain says Deidre too. Awesome finds, you must be the best person to shop with, you always find these great bargains! 😀

  154. The Socially Awkward Squirrel is spectacular but I feel he should be holding a clipboard and wearing a short sleeved dress shirt with a tiny pocket protector. And he wears glasses. With tape in the middle.

    Dolly the Doe is that manic diet-pill eating Junior League’r who’s maniacally happy all the time but cries when she’s drunk. Which is a lot.

  155. I think…there are no words. What the HECK is that last thing? A practice run for a taxidermist? oh my gosh.

    I’m sick this week, so I’m not very intuitive, but I’m sure the weasel’s name is Mimi. I don’t know why; I just *feel* it.

  156. oh lordy, lordy, that was funny. it kept getting funnier the more i re-read it. my stomach hurts and i peed myself i’m laughing so hard. thank you for being you.

  157. It looks like a deer with cow eyes, like Elsie was violated by a drunk buck and she is the product/miracle of this horrible crime..How about Weasel Von Trapp for that sophisticated weasel? I’m sure she has a lovely singing voice.

  158. I’m also going to vote for Darlene.
    She looks like a Darlene and also Darlene seems like the name of friend you’d have that always get you into trouble. You know the kind of friend who you go dancing with, somehow this leads to tequila shots, and then you wake up in a Mexican prison. The worst part is those girls never get hangovers!

  159. O…..m…..g…..cannot breathe bc I’m laughing so fucking hard…AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!!!! Best once since Beyonce… 😀

  160. Gloria for her gloriousness.
    Lafawnda…she and Beyonce would totally be out clubbing late night.
    Fawna Noble. I don’t know why, but one of those faces reminds me of Donna, and made me laugh harder than I should have.

  161. Have you ever read Dirty Job by Christopher Moore? I think you’d love it! Taxidermy animals play a major role in the storyline.

  162. omg some of these names…. so good. so far i really like deerlilah. although darlene is good, too. she seems to need a ‘d’ name. deerlilah.

    also, this really did make my night. that little weasel ermine thing is adorable as well. how’s jean-louis doing? i think he’s still my favorite.

  163. She looks like a Zelma or a Thelma. Thelma Frankenstein (the Young Frankenstein pronunciation).

  164. I would have found this much more interesting if it weren’t for the profanity… And no I’m not a Christian. I’m an atheist. What makes your lack of good English makes you sound cool?

    (Thank you for your comment, but I would have found it much more interesting if it contained profanity. Please try harder to meet my expectations next time. ~ Jenny)

  165. You seriously need a picture of the whole taxidermy crew. This post was hysterical! Love the new additions. I vote for Derpy!

  166. She looks like a Merlene to me. With her sisters Urlene and Lurlene she performed in nightclubs and casinos. Like the four legged version of the Andrews Sisters. Merlene got a little too used to the spotlight and had a breakdown when the act was no longer booked at the Sands in Vegas. Only some Pepsi and Vodka in a soup tureen can get her through the day.

  167. Oh thank you for this post. It was the perfect thing to read before I headed out to go to work.

    Also, I really want you to get a stuffed otter for some reason.

    Also also: the name Francesca for the cokehead? Not sure why that name popped into my head…

  168. Latrina.
    The reasons are threefold:
    Because the lovely collar is toilet-seat shaped.
    Because this deer looks like it is having flatulence.
    And because it made me laugh hard enough to need one.

  169. Oh dear goodness! I just picture that lion saying “Never mind, you’re too heavy! Get off! Get off! GET OFF!”

    You never fail to make me laugh…or cry. In a good way, though 🙂

  170. Clarice. It has to be Clarice, which could be a creepy-cute nod to both Rudolph’s girlfriend in the claymation classic and Jodie Foster’s character by the same name in “Silence of the Lambs”. (Not that she was creepy but who can think of her and not think of Hannibal Lecter and his fava beans? I bet derpy Clarice would appreciate a fine chianti. She’s probably parched.)

  171. have you ever been to the red river valley museum in Vernon, texas? they have a ginormous collection of big game that bill bond hunted and it is positively creepy. I think of it every time you post something with taxidermy animals. mainly: why are yours kinda cute and their fucking nightmarish creepy?

    (I had tons of relatives in Vernon in the 90’s. I’m freaking out that someone even knows it exists. ~ Jenny)

  172. Hyacinth. I have no idea why, but I swear her name is Hyacinth. And if anyone named Cynthia walked in, she’d be all, “HYA-CINTH!”

    Wow.

    Perhaps that cocaine has floated this way. Gawd, I needed that laugh today.

  173. I cannot believe that Clarice has been mentioned by multiple people and for the same reasons! After my last comment, I scrolled backwards through the ones before me to see the other name suggestions. Cracking me up.

  174. So am I the only one who thinks that like Weasel looks like she is humping that log? My suggestion for a name is Ivana Humpalog.

  175. She’s a dancer? I vote for Josephine Baker or Isadora Duncan. Isadeera Duncan??? Heh? Heh? You like?

  176. You need to get the MyTalkingPet app ASAP… You can make anything talk using it.. It is hours of self amusement and what’s better than that

  177. The obvious next step here is to gather them all together and take a photo with the family (the human, living family) and send out a late Christmas card, which by now is really an early valentines card, which is even better because it’s sent with love.

  178. That deer is the goddamn greatest thing I’ve ever seen and I literally just laughed out loud looking at that picture. Then I scrolled down, saw the second picture, and almost peed in my tiny mug I was laughing so hard.

  179. I have to agree with some other comments, that critter looks just EXACTLY like Scrat from the Ice Age movies. He does need an acorn.

    La Grande Derp?
    Grand Duchess Derphelia?

    (I also like “Deer Prudence.”)

    The Weasel with the Fez! Fezzes all around! Because, YES, fezzes are cool.