Once again, the strangest things people were searching for last week that brought them to thebloggess.com:
“ivaginated penis” (I don’t…what?)
“does pegasus really exist?” (Yes! But they’re made of plastic zebras and leftover pieces of cows and geese. So, I guess, no. Never mind.)
“I lost an hour.” (It’s probably daylight savings time. Or alien abduction. Or daylight savings time invented to cover up a mass alien abduction.)
“How high is Tony Danza?” (Um…five foot nine. Assuming that’s what you’re asking.)
“Why does my cat sniff my eyes?” (You’re not alone.)
“disney epcot donkey for sale” (Eeyore?)
“If a girl phones a guy and wazzupps him and he doesnt respond what should she do?” (Probably stop saying “wazzupp.”)
“Sending dick pic to someone and then pretending it was an accident.” (Mr. Weiner, you need help. No one is falling for this shit.)
“Real sightings of God” (Wow. And you found yourself directed here. I am so, so sorry.)
“Dreaming about making out with yourself” (That’s not normal. Unless you’re David Tennant. Then it’s weird, but understandable.)
“Can using meth cause ear infection” (I think you’re doing meth wrong.)
“how to make a homemade nipple stretcher” (Hang on. Like, a stretcher for nipples that need to go to the hospital, or a tool to stretch out your nipples? Either way, I ‘m confused. Are enormous nipples good? Honestly, I don’t even know what kind of nipples are in this year. Now I’m feeling all self-conscious about my nipples. Great. Then again, my mom always said, “Fads come and go. Just wait long enough and it’ll come into fashion again.” I’m assuming that goes for nipples as well.)
“How to say hello to your muslim neighbor” (Pretty sure you just answered your own question.)
“When can I punt my dick in?” (Please, God, tell me that’s a typo.)
“Accidental lesbian caught” (I didn’t even know we were looking for her.)
“Albino feces after meth use” (Speechless.)
“carnival people who swap blood” (You people are just fucking with me now.)
“vagina punch” (Like, punching a vagina…or a drink made from vagina? Either way, I think I’m out.)
“Is planting a st joseph statue witchcraft?” (More like Vague-Catholicism. But, speaking from experience, it doesn’t work. Burying Saints, that is. I have no idea if Catholicism works.)
“fucking bitch” (It’s a bit disconcerting that this exact term brought you here. THANKS, GOOGLE.)
“which end of the banana is the satan’s anus?” (I’ve always referred to the bottom of the banana as the “bananus.” Is that the same thing?)
“How to find a dead squirrel in attic.” (First you get a squirrel…)
“cat yells at me for not answering phone” (I hate to side with cats, but you shouldn’t have given him a phone if you weren’t going to answer his calls.)