It kind of feels like a hollow victory

Oh. My. Gawd….. this….. it’s just poetry.
Remind Victor:
Ask and you shall receive.
Beggers can’t be choosers.
and
You win.
Always.
<3

I’m totally printing this conversation out and using your part as a script for when my wife comments on me focusing on my iPhone.
Daddy Scratches recently posted..Sorry, NFL scouts, but it appears his football career is on hold

Beautifully done. Im taking notes for next time Im told Im using my iPhone too much.

I’m using this conversation, too.

I’ve smelled eyeballs before, but they were bathed in formaldehyde. I imagine they smell better when still implanted in the head.
Corinne recently posted..What happens when I think I have a lucid dream. #LifeFail

It’s such a refief to find someone who’s mind seems to work like mine, though my (ex)husband couldn’t cope in the end.

Next time my wife moans that I don’t speak to her in the car but just look at my phone, I’m showing her this blog entry!

You never fail to make me laugh.

That sounds about right for a husband/wife conversation. My wife will do the same thing, maybe not eyeball sniffing, but something just as random. That’s why I drink.
Gutmeister recently posted..If it ain’t broke….break it

I’ve been in the presence of my fake husband (we live in sin) all day, thanks to the holiday. He won’t stop talking and I just want a little silence. I’m taking notes on the eyeballs. p.s. I bet they smell sour.

PS Your comment box hates my blog. It made me put http:// in front of the URL and look ^ NO HYPERLINK.

I think I tricked it this time though.

Jane above is probably right… Salty. Salty balls. Like an ocean, so depending on how close you live to one or how long you’ve lived near one it would smell like fish and rotten seaweed. This explains the cat thing!
Angie recently posted..Circle Back- Where I become famous in my own mind

That is hilarious! I’ve wondered what eyeballs smelled like too! My cats are always sniffin at them or trying to lick them. Do they smell so good they can’t resist, or are they trying to clean them cause they reek?

Now I can’t let my cats anywhere near my face anymore. Thanks.
Stephanie recently posted..Why You So Mean, Lady?

I can imagine what they smell like but it’s hard to describe!

Steph
Adventures In Babywearing recently posted..September FOUR

Wow. I’m bookmarking this one. When I think I’m too weird, I’m going to read this again and know…I’m not.

That Corinne above gives good comment.

And congrats on your victory. That makes you Victor’s victor or Victor your vanquished. Or both.

Also, you should write a novel. I’d totally buy it.
Patti recently posted..On the road, we’re all people

your logic was totally irrefutable. Victor didn’t stand a chance.

Take a flexible straw and put one end into a nostril and the other near your eyeball, either one right or left will do (that also includes nostrils unless one side is stuffy, then it won’t). Occlude the other nostril with a finger, unless it is already stuffy, then you can skip this step, and sniff – unless both are stuffy, then you should wait until they are not, both stuffy that is. Do this in a good light and with a mirror when you are not driving or being driven, unless you are stopped for a prolong period like parking. Repeat several times to be sure, and do it away from your eyeball so you are sure you are not smelling the straw, or eyebrow or the inside of your nose. Also sniff your fingers to be sure you are not smelling them. Do this away from perfume and flowers and the litter box.

OMG, I cannot believe I actually have to explain this to you.
mousebert recently posted..things worth believing in

This situation totally calls for the awarding of mini-Beyonce.
Courtney recently posted..natrodrigues:

“Oh that’s beautiful Louis, and I think your…

Oh bless his heart for trying but of course you win. You had a valid question.

Does Victor ever win? I mean other than having you as a wife? Cause you are all kinds of win as a wife.
Kat recently posted..What The Hell Is Wrong With The Mummyblogging Community Lately??

I just tried to smell my own eyeballs – kind of with the same technique that I try and smell my own breath with. Neither work.
Alex recently posted..#thingsimiss: whataburger

Please make a , You’re so great I’d like to punch you in the face with a bat like a pinata, card. I Want

You are amazeballs. I fucking love you and I am sure your eyeballs smell fantastic.

P.S. Victor is awesome and should really be capitalizing on this. I mean Hallmark pinatas? He totally needs to write the pitch! Just sayin’.

You are awesome! You have completely made my day!!! I love your blog. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day I go back and read old post just for a laugh!

Well, this is just great. I was eating my egg salad sandwich when I pulled open your blog. That’s when I quickly lost my appetite. All I could think about were slimy eyeballs. Not the infected kind, but eyeballs the morning after a long night of too much alcohol, rough sex, and failing to wash off my mascara and eyeliner. You know the type. You wake up with all that black shit in the corner of your eye and it feels like you have a thick film over your cornea. I sat thinking about that film. If one could peel it off the eye, it would probably be a shade of pale yellow. The exact pale yellow of my egg salad sandwich. Thank you. You are the best diet ever.

I now have a new response to questions that involve things I really don’t want to do. “I’d rather smell your eyeballs.”

Another point, I though of after reading your post about your psychiatrist hating you, don’t do this after sex since you might think an eyeball smells like semen. At least wash your eyes and face well, shit take a god damn shower – alone this time! And use soap! and water too, works better that way.
mousebert recently posted..things worth believing in

It is beautiful insanity like this that makes me love following you.

Love your mushy eyeballs. Both of them.
Kirsten recently posted..my first video review: flirty apron & the $9.99 sale

“my friend… is amazing, but she can’t see anything other than her flaws. I wish I could make her see all the awesomeness inside of her. She’s like a magnificent pinata filled with such beauty, and all I want to do is just smash her in the face with a stick.”

you absolutely crack me up. you turn a few stolen moments to check blogs into tears of laughter. i love you for that.
Nobody recently posted..August, In Retrospect.

The cow eye Sean dissected last Friday smelled like formaldehyde. That’s what he said, anyway.
Fred Miller recently posted..Burp and Taste it!

You are SOOOOOOOO my idol. And my husband SOOOOOOO feels for Victor. I personally don’t care what he or Victor thinks. I bet he won’t smell my eyeballs, either.

How long have you and Victor been married, can,t be that long if he still hasn’t realised that WE never win!

My S.O. sniffed my eye ball for me… for science… he says there is no odor.

Bahaha dieing this is hilarious!! I’m not quiet sure how ur husband can not die of laughter while having a conversation. Reading ur blog is the best part of everyday

Having had countless similar “cell phone usage discussions” with my other half, I only wish our “discussions” had been half as witty as yours and Victors.

your cat will TOTALLY sniff your eyeballs for you- mine do it all the time, creepy little bastages…

They have to smell amazing because I’ve heard of eyeball soup. Who in the hell would eat eyeball soup, unless it smelled amazing!
Taren recently posted..Aliens vs. Zombies

I want you to adopt me. That or smash a stick in my face. I’m a pinata. And I’m sure your eyeballs smell awesome.

Well, duh, everyone knows that eyeballs smell like the backs of eyelids.
Lynne recently posted..But I Have Cooler Slippers.

After reading this, I made my husband smell my eyeballs. He says they smell like nothing, and doesn’t get why I’m laughing so hard. I told him “It’s the same woman with the giant chicken” and his response was “huh”. Unenlightened fool!

I laughed till I peed.
Kathleen recently posted..My Ideal Job

The eyeballs must smell delicious, its the first thing the cats will eat if you die with no one there to notice for several days. Not that I worry about that or anything.
LA Juice recently posted..Staggering Sunshine of the Spotted Genius: “Vicious Circle, Jerk.” Edition

“Eau de Yeux” has such a lovely cadence to it. Like something yodelers would wear. Or Nancy O’Dell and Adele. Or them yodeling a yodel about eux de yeux at a rodeo. Could you smell eyes over bullshit? That’s a question.
mrtl recently posted..If You Ask a Five-Year-Old for Directions

I remember very clearly what the sheep eyeball that I dissected in 8th grade smelled like, and it WASN’T formaldehyde! I don’t know that I could ever describe the smell, almost fishy (which would explain the cat interest), but so much more. I often find myself saying, “Hey, it smells like eyeballs in here!” and my husband just writes it off as my quirkiness. But its true! I smell that “eyeball” smell all the time!

This is EXACTLY why there needs to be a reality show about you… or at least a documentary. At the very least, please pen a screenplay or a television script. NO, WAIT! A PODCAST!!!

My boyfriend and I have similar conversations, but he gets less horrified than Victor does. He just laughs at me. We drive about 5 hours each way to see his son every few weeks, so he has plenty of time to hear my madness. And my road rage, when I’m driving. Of course, he retaliates by saying “did you fart?” every time we go past the stinky cattle farm. Even if I am asleep and don’t want to wake up and smell the poo. Ain’t love grand?
Andrea recently posted..Top 10 Reasons I Love Working in a Psych ER

My husband likes to wake me up in the morning by asking random questions repeatedly. No good morning, or anything like that, just “Where is my blue shirt?” over and over again. I will wake him up tomorrow sniffing his eyeballs. So I’ll let you know what they smell like.

In other unrelated news, my father enjoyed his introduction to Beyonce last night. Then again, he likes to take people by this concrete statuary place (with a 5 1/2 ft concrete rooster) in town saying “I’m going to show you the biggest cock in Tulsa”.

I love the way your blog site is set up. I think its so easy to navigate, and I can tell exactly where a new post starts. And the colors are fun and make the whole page pop!

This blog was hilarious! I can relate so well with you, my BF does the same thing and then doesnt realize what hes in for hahaha. Youre very witty and hilarious, I deff going to be following more.
Lindsey recently posted..Phoenix Local Music and More

I’d like to say that this is different from the conversations I have with my husband, but not by much.
cathy recently posted..Labor Day is the Last Day of Summer- Deal With It

Hey, I just wrote about tears (eyeballs) and it turns out when men smell tears their testosterone goes down. What wimps. I totally think there is a weapon to be made out of tears…or at least a I-can-get-you-to-do-anything-i-want perfume.
Kelly O’Sullivan recently posted..Judge Me By the Size of My…Tear Ducts?

i, too, have oft been awoken by a cat peering at my closed eyes. samantha used to PAW at my closed eyes to wake me up. i always thought ‘oh, how cute! she knows my eyes open when i wake up, and she’s trying to wake me!’

now i know better. she was trying to have a snack.
steph gas recently posted..why do twizzlers have an expiration date?

I personally have never met anyone who said it smelled like unwashed hair in here. You know the strangest people, I swear! Congrats on your win, made even sweeter by the fact that you didn’t even know you were arguing. I love it when that happens!!

I think it goes without saying that a lot of your readers are now going to add that to their future wedding vows.
“…in sickness, and heath, and whenever you want me to smell your eyeballs…”
Rai recently posted..awkward introductions

I think eyeballs probably smell like saline solution.
Jennifer recently posted..Share Your Awesome, Really, Are You Serious?

My husband uses drive time to lecture me. As in “you should clean more” or “Why aren’t you doing this” or “Why don’t you listen to me”… Apparently I need an IPhone? lol

Needless to say, I try to keep lengthy car trips to the bare minimum, you’d be amazed at how much lecturing he can get in on a trip to the grocery store though!

I bet they smell like they taste? You should ask Victor to lick your eyeball too.
Domestic Debbie recently posted..Holiday Glamour

I’m thinking my eyeballs probably smell like peanut butter…
tokenblogger recently posted..I honestly…

This sounds like a perfect question for Copernicus. Hands down.
Alison recently posted..Girl #2 goes to the pediatrician (or, why my purse now weighs a good 15 pounds)

Oh, that was a TOTAL win. You didn’t even have to try! Not only is it a win, but it’s a WINWIN. Those are rare, especially if you don’t know how to recognize them.

It’s kind of like when you’re going somewhere with someone and you take separate cars. The other person might not know it, but you’re racing, especially of you end up winning. (If you don’t win, don’t mention it.) If you DO win, even if it’d because you ran a red light and a stop sign, barreled through a crosswalk and made a detour through someone’s yard, you have total and complete bragging rights. Use them.

Now you’re going to race EVERYONE, even strangers who happen to be sitting next to you at a stop light. And you will feel AMAZING every time you win. I promise.

I just made your day, and very possibly many days to come. You’re welcome.

Maria recently posted..I apologize for the rambling. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In that case, you’re welcome.

I tried smelling my children’s eyes, smell just like saline mostly. Not sure why that appeals to cats. Maybe they dig the salt. LOVED this post!

For the record, I feel like your question was a perfectly logical one to ask. I mean, who hasn’t wondered if their eyeballs smell or not?
Courtney recently posted..Reason #4: Sweet Salamanders and Other Pets

I bet Copernicus knows how eyeballs smell.

I am cracking up. That reminds me of the days when my nephew would ask me to smell his finger. I would dart in the other direction. I do wonder though about eyeballs and toenails.

Peace, Love and Chocolate,
Tiffany
Tiffany recently posted..Uncomfortable Kiss Moment

Could you be any more awesome? I don’t think so. You are the awesomeEST!!! So funny I’m crying. Bet you thought I was gonna say peeing my pants.
Claudia McDaniel recently posted..Typeset Layout

My dog sniffs my eyeballs every evening when I come home. It’s as if she can smell everything I’ve seen.
Cassie recently posted..Jacobs Creek

You never fail at this humor shit, do you? It’s kind of defeating, really. I try and try to be funny and write ONE GOOD LINE and, before I can even pat myself on my back, you are just whipping that funny-ha-ha out left and right. That’s it. I quit. I’ll have to switch to a political blog. Or, even better, a blog about cats. I do believe that there aren’t enough pet blogs in the world…
tracey recently posted..Crrrruuuunch. Crrrruuuunch.*

Me: *giggling*
My fiance: What?
Me: The Bloggess. She had an awesome conversation with her husband in the car.
My fiance: *raised eyebrow*
Me: It started with her husband complaining that she never talks to him when he’s driving.
My fiance: Oh no.
Me: *laughing* I see that you’re familiar enough with the Bloggess to know that never ends well.
Katie recently posted..Clothes Shopping

his fault for asking….
angelica recently posted..August family (self) portrait

*Definitely* a win.

Tabby says that eyeballs smell like grapes stuffed with meat. It makes her just want to pop one and get the juicy meat out!

I so gotta try some of these topics with my husband! Although usually I’m the one wanting to talk and he’s the one sitting in silence wishing I’d shut up. Maybe if I talked about whether eyeballs smelled good or bad he’d actually want to talk. Or he could want to file for divorce. Either way, it could be interesting.

I once had this conversation with a girlfriend:

Girlfriend: What are you thinking?

Me: Nothing.

Girlfriend: Of course you’re thinking *something*! It’s not like your mind is blank! I want to know what you’re thinking!

Me: OK. I’m thinking about how Data says the date he graduated from Starfleet Academy in the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but a later episode gives a contradictory date for his graduation, and I’m trying to remember which episode that is.

Girlfriend: …Oh.

Me: When I say I’m thinking about *nothing*, what I mean is “nothing you’d find interesting.” Don’t ask questions if you’re not going to like the answers.
joshua m. neff recently posted..Wanna Live Underground in the Third Age

I think you need to ask @kylecassidy about whether eyeballs have a smell. He’s the originator of the #morningCATface tag on Twitter. And someone started a website with the pictures: http://www.morningcatface.com/ .

I suspect your explanation is close to the truth.
adelheid_p recently posted..Silliness

You are a wackaloon. I mean that in the best sense, of course. You never fail to make laugh aloud, sometimes with a snort (pretty!) or possibly tears. You win AGAIN!

I bet Copernicus could tell you what eyeballs smell like.
Allie recently posted..Because All Women Want to be Strippers

My little dog smells my eyeballs so closely that I feel her mustache whiskers on my eyelids and somehow, whatever she smells tells her exactly when I need a snuggle.

Chalk this one up as another reason why I love you.

You remind me of me!
Gigi recently posted..Whew! What a weekend! (or, I’m glad that’s over!)

i think you and victor should get matching his and her blinking eyeball rings.

http://thepirata.com/blinking-eye-ring/

xoxo
Simone recently posted..Purple haze and pinkish hues

I’m glad you won, but now I, too, am curious as to what eyeballs smell like. You’ll have to come up with a covert plan to trick him into smelling them so we all can know.
Momma Teacher Lady recently posted..Save the Drama for Your Momma

That was fabulous. Like conversations I have with my husband, but much more functional.
Petra recently posted..Dis-orientated

I love that I was on my phone in the car when I read this.
Jen recently posted..Happy Labor Day!

Today I said to my husband, “I’m just trying to make conversation, gosh.”

His response: “well, you suck at it.”

He can’t get me to shut up. Although he has complained about me being glued to my phone…
Gretchen recently posted..How living alone, doggie duty, and safety may mean I see a fanny pack in my future

The best fights to win are the ones where you don’t even know you’re fighting.

Wait.

I take that back.

The best fights to win are all of them.
Suniverse recently posted..Belaboring the Point

Hubby smelled my eyeballs. He said they smelled nice, just like me

This is similar to the conversation I had with the fuzz when I got pulled over for looking at/typing on my phone while driving (which is illegal in Georgia), but substitute “fuck you, pig!” for “smell my eyeballs.”
the muskrat recently posted..how she’s fared since coming out of the closet

I am completely mystified by your awesomeness.
Holly aka Toy recently posted..~Ribbon Inspiration/Stamp Simply Style – Rosettes~

Also, I once licked an eyeball. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, but I hear it’s much more interesting for the receiver than the giver.
LDiggitty recently posted..North Korea meets the … South.

I guess I will think twice before I ask my hubby to talk to me while I drive.

I laughed so hard though because this totally sounds like a conversation that I would have
Michelle recently posted..Beeeeeeep! Get out of the way you —-!

Wow, haha… first thing I’ve ever read over here – and I loved it. Sounds like a fantastic relationship you’ve got going there. I’ll be back!
Lady Grinning Soul recently posted..The Adulterers: Part III

You . Are. So. Freaking. Funny.

My family knows every time I’m reading your blog because I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…it’s always “Are you reading the chicken lady blog again?” And all I can do is nod and wipe my eyes. You make my day probably more often than not! And BTW, I have acquired two! Beyonces SO FAR…..

So my cats have always been eyeball sniffers. In fact, I just figured cats smell eyeballs like dogs smell butts. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul… so, one may conclude that cats are soul sniffers. Or maybe they just want to eat your eyeballs, but get confused with the lids making them disappear and all.

Right now I am in shit up to my eyeballs (I am sorry, that was so not intended). Anyway, your blog makes me laugh at a time I really need to laugh. Thank you for that.

lmfao

My Dad has a glass eye, and in high school he used to take it out and hide it in his friends’ lunches, usually in the mashed potatoes, but sometimes in yogurt, a drink, anything really. So his eye had a wide variety of smells, depending on what the cafeteria was serving that day. I think that’s why his dog liked his so much; he’d get leftovers out of my dad’s eye socket every day when Dad came home from school.
Tattoo My Heart recently posted..Sweet

Best conversation ever! It actually sounds like the exact sh*t I would pull. Love it!

One time, an ex and I were talking about what it would be like to lick an eye ball and he dared me to do it and I dared him to do it and you can see where this story is headed. So while I cant tell you what eyeballs *smell* like, I can certainly tell you what they taste like – a dish sponge soaked with saltwater.

This sparked a very interesting conversation between my fiance and I. I went from smelling his eyeballs and concluding that they really don’t have much of a smell (except maybe like saline), to having a debate as to what the melting point of brains is. And then on to the melting point of nipples.

Thank you for making my conversations so much more interesting. Also, if you Google, “What is the melting point of the human brain?”, you’ll get somewhere around 2 million hits and the first 2 pages are full of legit links. I can’t say the same for the melting point of nipples. No one seems to care that much about melting nipples. I intend to research these topics further.
Elle recently posted..To those of you still making Hamburger Helper…

Victor, Victor, Victor…. Just accept the fact that you are TRULY the luckiest man on the planet in that you will never EVER have to have a bored moment. Truly a blessing.

I kinda feel for Victor, but that’s like turning out for a cage match wearing oven mitts.

My cats used to do that too, first thing in the morning. I thought they were just *helping* me wake up, you know, ’cause kibble doesn’t pour itself. Maybe it was my eyeballs. I hope I don’t dream about it.

And now I’m wondering how many people will find themselves staring into the nostrils of loved ones because of your post.

NEW CARD FOR YOUR SHOP:
“You’re like a magnificent pinata filled with such beauty,
and all I want to do is just smash your in the face with a stick.”

That’s it! I can not read you in the middle of the night anymore!! If I wake my family up one more time with fits of hysterical laughter, followed by details of your and Victor’s “arguments”that they truly have no desire of hearing because they obviously don’t have any idea of what funny really is, they are going to do me in and burry me in a shallow grave out back.

Oh, this is too good not to share.

Send for back up if you don’t hear back from me.
KidLit aka Tracey recently posted..Blogger M.I.A.

I think I just found my twin. Oh my gawd!

This is exactly how my blog came to exist! I am a very quiet passenger, but we had a long drive, so I decided I would just take that stream of consciousness and share every word of it. It was a very entertaining drive. For me, anyway.
unmitigated me recently posted..A Sunday Post

That’s awesome, I am going to have to give that a try next time my husband complains about me always being on my phone!
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..F*ck You Fridays

Eyeballs don’t have much odor (at least when not in the socket). They go thud and flatten when rolling off a table. (So you don’t think I’m too odd or a serial killer) I know this cause I dated a neuro-opthamology doctoral student while in nursing school and these questions came up over dinner once. The Health Sciences Center was a strange place to be in 19xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Smelly eyeballs were TOTALLY part of my wedding vows. But, you know, we’re Catholic. So there’s that.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..Stuff I Dig :: Date Night Done Right

My cat loves sniffing my eyeballs at 3 am. Of course, she also loves to eat thumbtacks, so I don’t know if she’s the best source for eyeball aroma information…

I’ve never been married so I have never been divorced, but surely there is a place on some form to check off “won’t smell my eye balls.”
John B recently posted..the terminal: where class goes to die

Haha. This thread made me smell my three year old’s eyeball and he looked at me funny and then proceeded to ask me something totally unrelated. Probably about preschool or Power Rangers or something like that.
Katie Bennett recently posted..The goldfish will eat you in your sleep…

My husband says the exact same thing to me… and now I have a reply. Thanks!

Victor is my hero if only because he is able to navigate a conversation like this to something like a conclusion.
Jonah Gibson recently posted..Building the Ziggurat of Babel

okay here’s what you do. You have to get victor to smell some animals eyeball…but don’t let him know that that is actually what he’s smelling…like don’t people eat goat eyeball’s or some shit like that? Anywho, get him to smell that, catch him in the act, and start arguing about how he’s cheating on you with the goat eyeball and how that was NOT in the vows…and you’ve just won every argument for the next 7 months. boom.

OMG, my cats are obsessed with smelling my eyeballs. I thought it was weird, but I think you’re onto something…

PS – you rock!
Lana recently posted..Ben’s Driving – 1 Lana – 0

Maybe eyeballs smell like ginger snaps
Abby recently posted..Say My Name, Say My Name

Marriage is just a cornucopia of aromas that get worse over time. One of the few blessings about becoming an ancient one is that you lose most of your ability to smell. And that explains why LOL’s all smell like they’ve fallen into a vat of lavender cologne.

They can’t smell themselves.
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..Who knew trouser snakes were real?

You two are simply amazing. Seriously. I think I want to be you when I grow up. Assuming I ever really get around to growing up.

Also, I bet eyeballs smell a little bit salty. Like the taste of tears.

Lmao!!! This is so how my husband and I are. I read this to him and he laughed so hard!

This sounds like me and my fiance. Only I am Victor and my fiance is you. I can’t help but to die of laughter.

This post is a great example of a marriage that works. My hubby and I have similar conversations, usually where I ask him wacky questions and he gives me funny answers. I’m pretty sure eyeballs don’t smell unless they’re decaying and then EW. I hope you and Victor send yourself into peels of laughter on a daily basis like we do. Hubby video’d me trying to open a bag of cereal (a challenge indeed) and going into a laughing jag. He plays it to cheer himself up and then plays it for me to get me laughing again. I’m an idiot and you’re too cool for school.
Chrisor recently posted..Apparently, I like to hear myself talk.

When I read your blog I think of my friend Erica. You both have the same sense of humor. I really think y’all are long lost sisters.

I once dissected a sheep’s eye in junior eye. That smelled like formaldehyde. Does that count? Oh, and my cat’s breath smells like cat food.

Damn, I totally understand wanting to smash somebody in the face when they’re bursting with untapped potential and energy. And I’m always on my phone. Oh, and I also sometimes ride in the car while someone else is writing.

We have SO much in common, Jenny. Can I stalk you?
wagthedad recently posted..5 Things from My Vacation in Cyprus, or: Wag the Dad Be Back, Yo

In some countries, the eyeball is considered the “Eau de Toilette of the Nervous System”.

Or, so I’ve heard.
bschooled recently posted..Blogvertisement- New Blog Sponsor

You are seriously one of my new all time favorite blogs! I love how you write and the things you say crack me up! Thanks for always being the bright spot in my day.

Thanks for the giggles! You have a way with words. Never would I have thought to ask someone to smelly my eyeballs. So have to do it now!
Tracy Flores recently posted..Chapter I – The Perfect Summer

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/green/six-fascinating-facts-about-blinking-2535457/

Saw this headline on Yahoo today. There’s no mention of eyeball odor, however.

Victor really should talk to my hubby. He could have been properly warned not to poke around in our brain-pans.

The last time hubby prompted me to share what I was thinking I told him I wondered why there were no combination gynecologists/bikini waxers. It seems obvious to me that if you already have your legs up in the air for the world to see, you can kill two birds with one stone….and reduce the number of people seeing your unmentionables.

The look he gave me implied he thought I was crazy-brilliant…..or more likely just touched in the head, now that I think about it.

Laughing too hard.. sides hurt…can’t stop…

According to my fiancee, they smell like skin.

He’s also sorta freaked out by me demanding he smell my eyeballs.

Smelling eyeballs is nice and all, but how do they TASTE?
Rai recently posted..Blood and Love and DDR

Hah! I am so stealing this concept for the next time my husband complains that I am on my phone, in the car. Seriously, don’t tell me to talk to you, but have nothing to talk about! (Or worse yet, hardly any response to what I am saying). Love this. And as we speak…I think my cat might be smelling my eyeballs! Mine might not smell good, as they are myopic.
A Morning Grouch recently posted..Dream #5: Kelsey Grammer, Swimming and Portobello Mushrooms

I just figured out how to win a war!! I was explaining this post to my husband (who has no appreciation for it) and explained further about the chemicals in womens tears that lower men’s testosterone. He asked what testosterone had to do with anything and I said that since it’s the man hormone (manmone) that if it goes down you are less man-grrrr. And then it hit me! To win a war, line up a bunch of crying women on the front lines. All of the men will experience significant drops in their manmones! See?? Women are the answer to stopping war!

Delightfully offtopic

http://nh.craigslist.org/grd/2585835208.html
YOU DON’T SEE MOUNTS OF THIS QUALITY OR AS HAIRY ON THE MARKET
jenny recently posted..A pretty barn photo.

What kind of husband won’t sniff your eyeballs??? This is — I know for a fact that this is included in the “in sickness and in health” bit of the vows. How will he know when your eyeball health is failing if he hasn’t sniffed them when they’re well? Seriously. Some people are so selfish.
Ms Hazard recently posted..Adventures in Babysitting (Part: “My Brother Doesn’t Read This Blog”)

When I grow up, I want a marriage just like this. Except probably with more stabbing.
Amber Deschamps recently posted..Of Random Conversations involving Trogdor and Vagina Dentata

aah the good ole smell of eyeballs in the morning :]

This is hysterical! I laughed so hard, I ended up having to read it (edited) to my kids cause they (naturally) wanted to know what was making me laugh so hard I was crying. Oh Jenny. I love you. PLUS I got a job interview! It’s down to me & one other person. They’re checking references now. Yay! Only 9 months out of work. But whatever. I may get to go back to Alaska soon!!!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!! I have the same conversations with my husband. He just shakes his head.. I also have the most random dreams and when I tell him, He just shakes his head. I love it.

I am going to totally work this in to the Yoga classes I teach! Thank you, namaste!

OMG this is great
Melissa Straarup recently posted..Cancer Walk 2011

I really think you might be the key to getting me through another murder free school year! I’m in the staff room howling with laughter. I’m sure the kids in the hallway can hear me. Hahahahaha! Btw – I would so do something like that to my husband.
Keri recently posted..WIP Wednesdays – I Really Need to Figure Out This Spinning Thing

I bet my eyeballs smell like make-up….
Ki recently posted..Queen for a Day

This is totally a conversation my husband and I would have in the car…but he plays along with my crazy. However, I would like to caution you that Posey may not be smelling your eyeballs so much as trying to steal your breath as in the classic Stephen King movie short, “The Cat’s Eye” or rather trying to protect you from the tiny, evil troll who lives behind the skirting in your bedroom.

I don’t know about eyeballs, but I can always tell if someone’s been using my pillow because it smells of *face*. No, REALLY.
Chronicus Skepticus recently posted..Firsts

I keep reminding my boyfriend that like beauty, true, unadulterated “fabulousness” has a price. This made my day – thanks!
Kimicalreaction recently posted..We are Martial

So last night, our 5 year old was sad and she told daddy it was because she couldn’t smell her eyeballs. Where the hell did that come from? If she could read and happened to look over my shoulder when I’d read this, it would make sense.

been devising new ways to weird out coworkers and the next one will be using “it smells like eyeballs in here.” or some variation of it at some point. I thank you. I send you creepy mind hugs to you because I’m too poor to pay you royalties.
clevelandpoet recently posted..The one where I’m an alien

That conversation has inspired me to ask that sort of random question to my GF. This is going to be fun!

I just found this blog and can I just say I DIE! Between the eyeball smelling and the 5 foot metal chicken, I am suprised I haven’t peed myself yet. You are hysterical and your marriage sounds like pure love and fun! Keep it all coming, I can’t wait to check back in for a good laugh!

Can I please just tell you that my dogs ALWAYS smell my eyeballs?! The one prefers smelling eyeballs to giving kisses. And sometimes they kiss my eyeballs. So they must smell delicious.

I never comment b/c I’m not funny, but I always laugh and want to tell you I love you. In a good way.

Totally off topic, but I feel like you must see this woman’s entry into the American Apparel “Big Gals can buy stupid pants too!” contest: http://extrawiggleroom.tumblr.com/page/2. This woman is now WINNING the contest. And I could cry with joy. Or maybe I got Ranch dressing in my eyes.
Dani Nordin recently posted..Talking about Web Type with Jason Pamental

Shoot now I’m sitting here wishing that someone would tell me what my eye balls smell like!

I have no idea what my own eyeballs smell like either.

But I CAN tell you that my boyfriends left and right eyeball taste different. Which is kind of weird don’t you think? I think there is a serious lack of research into eyeball taste.

Go on. Try licking Victor’s. It’s probably easier if you surprise him, but he’ll thank you later.
Jelly recently posted..How Facebook made me sniff glue. Not really though.

I fucking love this conversation. And yes! You won! Now you can play on your phone undisturbed. YAY!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Get Out Of My Bed And Into Yours

Dear Bloggess,
A friend just introduced me to you. You are fucking hilarious.
And I TOTALLY blame you for the reason that I have been 100% impeded from getting to work this morning.
Damn you, Bloggess. And keep it coming.
I will be your love slave forever,
Shelley
Shelley recently posted..Giving Back to Get

Oh dear God… this is F*ing awesome. And so, so true of marriage. If Victor ever angrily divorces you over Beyonce or Copernicus or any other crazy hysterical thing you bring home or do, I would so marry you. I’m not a lesbian, I just think you’re awesome. Keep on rockin’ it!

Just pure hilariousness!

Seriously I don’t think I can laugh anymore…..You 2 need your own sitcom.

A victory is a victory, it makes no difference how you got it!!!

Nothing makes me laugh out loud more than reading your blog!
Jennifer {The Vintage Chain} recently posted..Disney Trip Report – Oct. 2010 – Day 1- Arrival/Downtown Disney

I tend to agree that it’s because she misspelled your name. Some teachers and real grammar Nazis you know.
The Nerdy Nurse recently posted..Working as a Nurse Informacist: Am I Still a Nurse?

LOL…That conversation is really funny..You made me laugh…LOL…
Michael recently posted..Computer Security Software

Ah ha ha! I just discovered you! This is so FUNNY, my ribs hurt and my smelly eyeballs are watering smelly tears all over my keyboard.

thanks. a lot.

Ok so I just gotta say that between this one and the Chicken post i about peed my pants in my office and now my co-workers are walking round wondering why I’m crying with a mascara stained face and wet pants, THANKS A LOT!! (addicted, thanks!

Our cat loves to wake us up by licking our eyes…so they must smell awesome!

I would be willing to smell your eyeballs for you… because that’s what friends do. Or serial killers… who chop up body parts and store them in the deep-freeze. But I’m totally not a serial killer. Trust me on that. Bahaha!
Amanda Cole recently posted..new kid on the (kickboxing) block…

You make me cry. In a good way. Thank you so much for the random crap because I laugh so hard it hurts!

I could not stop laughing I called 3 friends around the country and I am now your new fan and will definitely be following you regularly. You are freakin Hilarious.!!!

OMG I am cracking up at work (with our no personal internet usage rule – where I am totally going to get busted and fired)!!! I now totally believe that when I wake up because my cat has licked my eyelid is because THEY DO SMELL DELICIOUS!!! And yes that is EXACTLY why we get married!
? Shia
Shia recently posted..The Men of True Blood

This is how I know my hubs loves me… I asked him to smell my eyeball and he did it! He wanted me to let you know that they smell like a combo of “nothing” and soap. But he thinks the soap smell was just my makeup. So his official conclusion was that eyeballs smell like nothing.

This post, as most of your are, is full of such awesomeness! That conversation was fantastic! I love how your mind works.

For a friend in danger of losing track of her awesome I recommend:

http://www.pigtailpals.com/fullofawesome.html

and a copy of the linked blog post.

I happened to walk into the room this afternoon and “Mad Bout You” was on TV. Just as I sat down, Paul says to Jamie “Smell my eye.” It’s right there in Season 1, Episode 4. And this post was the first thing I thought of when I heard that line.
You’re apprently not the only one who’s curious about this.

They _have_ to smell. I refuse to live in a world where they don’t. I think however, that the odor changes depending on the situation. For example when I got dumped by my prom date, three days before prom, my eyeballs smelled of bitter tears. Today they’re more of a “why am I so awesome” fragrance.

LOL…I really like this!!~,~
Anjieline recently posted..how to grow muscle fast

OMG, I can’t breathe and I’m crying because I’m laughing so hard. You are one funny lady!

Proof once again that men should not interrupt while wife using beloved iPhone.

DH asks why I am laughing, so I read him part of this post. He gives me a strange look (are you high right now?) so I read him the end. (You know what? You win. Go back to your phone.) ge rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

I just asked my husband to smell my eyeballs and he said There’s no fucking way I’m smelling your eyeballs, Heather. He just linked your blog to me today so I thought he would go for it. No dice.