Whenever I don’t have enough cup holders in my car I just take off a shoe and stick a drink in the ankle hole because a shoe makes a surprisingly stable extra cup holder. Except, that is, for when the cup apparently has a slow leak in it and then you end up walking into the house with several drinks and a dripping shoe full of Mountain Dew, and your husband is all, “What happened to your shoe?” and you’re like, “YOUR DRINK LEAKED IN IT” and then he gets all crappy because “WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME? WHY WAS IT MY DRINK?” and you explain that you certainly wouldn’t put your own drink inside a shoe so obviously it’s his and then he gets pissed because he suddenly realizes that all of his take-out drinks have been carried about in shoes. But technically his drinks are insulated by my shoes and so they stay cold longer. If anything, he should be thanking me.
And apologizing for leaking in my shoes.
And getting me some more cup holders.
The man needs to prioritize, for God’s sake.
…I genuinely thought I was the only person who did that. Thank goodness for you, Jenny.
I really thought this was going to be an Old Greg reference. I’m kinda sad now.
(You wanna go to a club where people wee on each other? ~ Jenny)
As long as he doesn’t get hoof and mouth, he really doesn’t have anything to complain about.
gasp what happens when you’re wearing flip-flops????? BOOTS?!???
I’m not the only person that instantly went to Gregg, wooo!
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs12/i/2006/272/9/8/Old_Gregg_loves_his_Bailey__s_by_BatmanBassplayer.jpg
Genius! I may have been the only person who didn’t know about soda in a shoe, but I’ll be doing that in the future!
I can’t believe I never thought of this. Once again, Jenny’s a genius!
@Peggy Lopez: Obviously, if she’s wearing flip-flops, she just has to drink Victor’s drink so it won’t spill all over her car. Way to take one for the team, Jenny.
My cupholders are all filled with empty cups that don’t belong to me. Because apparently no one in my family can remember to bring their cups in the house. Just wait until they have no room to sit in my car because of the overflowing cups. They’ll be all, “Mooooom, your car is a mess and I can’t sit down!” And I’ll say, “Yeah, but because of your laziness and all the extraneous cups in my car and all the time I spend in this damn car waiting for you, I can now finally recreate that Cups song from Pitch Perfect!” And then I’ll go all Anna Kendrick on them. BOOM.
Seriously!
…and that’s a killer idea.
-Angie
I just bought a newer car. My old car had two cup holders and they were both shit. My new car has eight cup holders. That’s right, eight. I don’t even know what to do with all that cup holding action. It’s pretty sexy.
That…is genius. Normally, I’m the passenger and get to hold a bunch of cold drinks in my lap. Now I know all I have to do is take off a shoe so that the condensation doesn’t make it look like I peed myself.
How long does it take an ugg to dry ??? Does mountain dew make it sticky? Victor needs to appreciate your heroism here. Really.
Victor drinks Bailey’s?
That’s clever. If I don’t have enough cupholders I just drink the other person’s drink on my way home and say “it spilled because I didn’t have enough cupholders, and mine is diet so you don’t want that one…” because I’m a terrible person who likes to drink mountain dew AND diet pepsi so sue me.
TOTALLY not related to the post – however I completely see your logical side and Ugg’s would be a fantastic Route 44 insulator – but I digress from my originally digression… there NEEDS to be a Beyonce ‘Happy Valentine’s Day Motherfucker’ card!!! She could skewer a heart with her beak. Or not.
I was so certain there was one I could send my husband that I’ve had to have the only therapy available to deal with the trauma… The uber potent xanax, vodka, Doctor Who trifecta…
At first I thought, ” Disgusting!” But then I considered what people usually do with a beverage while driving without enough cup holders and I think I’d choose shoe over crotch any day.
OCD comes in this somewhere….
Whenever my husband freaks out about something I did (like walk outside barefoot in the summer because birds might have pooped on the grass or something like that – I don’t really know because I’m busy enjoying not wearing shoes) I just read him the latest “Jenny and Victor” conversation, and I am totally off the hook because there is nothing like Mountain Dew in a shoe to put things into perspective. Thank you so much for providing this valuable public service.
If the Prince had thought of this then Cinderella would have remained shoe-less.
He should be grateful that you brought him something and sacrificed your shoe in the process. All in the name of love…
Struggling so much tonight.
(Sending you love. You aren’t alone. And remember, depression lies. Don’t listen to it. ~ Jenny)
I never would have thought to use my shoe as a drink holder. You’re a genius you should invent shoes that are purely for drink holders
Next time take one of his shoes in the car with you. See how he likes that!
Dancer, hang in there. I’m listening. It’s day time where I am, the sun is shining (Southern Hemisphere, you see…) and I’ll keep checking here for you. I’m here and I’m listening.
The number of cup holders my car has, 8, is the main reason I picked it! And it still isn’t enough! They are all full of empty coffee cups! I am totally using my shoe next time! Thanks! That should be a interest “life hack” 😉
Argh, annoying auto correct! Pinterest! Not interest. My phone is behind the times.
That is pretty damn brilliant. You should do a Bloggess Life Hacks post. LOL!
I used to have a Saab that had two shallow indentations on the inside of the glove compartment door that were supposed to be cup holders. They were useless if the car was in motion.
Fucking Swedes.
I recently bought a new car and let me tell you the car manufacturers heard our struggles I have 8 cupholders!! With shoes thats 10!! Oh the Glory
Brilliant. You know he is only pissed bc he didn’t think of the shoe idea first!
Ah. Hmm. Didn’t figure in comment moderation. I left a supportive comment here, but night time in the US means it didn’t get through in reasonable time. Oh well. I’ll have to learn to only be supportive in US daytime! (night time for me.)
This one time, I was on the highway taking a sip from my water bottle, and I dropped the lid. If I was travelling on a regular street I might have chanced reaching down to pick it up, but I had to resign myself to splashing about 80% of the contents all over me. I spent the rest of the trip wishing i had the lid and singing a favourite song of mine ‘Where is the lid’, very loud and out of tune, so it wasn’t all bad. I guess I’m lucky it wasn’t mountain dew.
MEN–WHAT NEXT???
When you have on sandals, life must be really hard for you! 😉
I was in the honeymoon phase of a relationship once and went along on a test drive for my girlfriend’s new car. I asked, “Where are the drink holder’s?” The salesman proudly showed off the set of two that slid out of the dash board saying, “It’s funny what people want in a car.” Said girlfriend, “It doesn’t matter, I don’t like people drinking stuff in my car anyway.”
The end. In more ways than one. Priorities people.
I have a bunch of shoes I was going to get rid of as I’m more interested in comfort these days..but you’ve given me ideas..
Wonder if the family will notice if I replace glasses in the cabinets with my old stilettos?
I have never considered the shoe idea! This revelation might actually beat the day I was told that pizza can be cut with scissors… man, the blogging community is revolutionising my life. I thank you.
Said it before, will say it again. I love you guys.
I can see a manic craft-tastic episode in your near future involving a ked, a glue gun and a bead-dazzler.
fantastic idea! I’ve never thought of that!
Do not attempt with high heels.
Ooooor, you could totally use this as an excuse to make him get the take away next time. Just sayin’…
I love that you still find ways to surprise him. You think he’d just roll with anything by now. Keep him guessing, Jenny.
I work in IT, we’ll drink mountain dew out of anything.
And now I’m thinking about taking a shoe I never wear anymore and keeping it in my car forever. I’ve already discovered taxidermy and ball-jointed dolls through your blog. Is there nothing you can’t teach me?
Reminds me of my 20s, when some male friends decided it would be fun to drink out of my shoe at Happy Hour. Except it was a sandal. Didn’t work too well:)
This made me laugh because I just saw a party-decor idea to use a high-heeled shoe as a holder for a wine bottle. On the table. If they’re used….blech. If they’re not used….well, wine bottles tend to drip. And odors don’t dissipate well. “No officer, I haven’t been drinking….I was storing a wine bottle in these shoes yesterday.”
Rockin.
@Michelle: “Before I get started, let me tell you about one important piece of equipment: The Cup. It ain’t no dixie cup. It ain’t no coffee mug. And you sure don’t wanna be drinkin’ nuthin’ out of it.”
I’ve been laughing about that routine and quoting it for over 20 years…one of these days I might google it. but I’m afraid it won’t be as funny as I remember.
I’m part of a running/drinking club called the Hash House Harriers, and if you wear shiny brand-new shoes to a run, you will be forced to drink beer out of them as penance. AFTER the run.
So, what I’m trying to say is, I won’t be impressed until you or Victor actually drink the shoe-Dew. The sweat and foot-funk provides extra flavor, I promise 😉
If I lived in THE SOUTH I’d only wear flip flops even though I have ugly feet.
OMG WHY DIDN’T I KNOW THIS TEN YEARS AGO? I had a Mercury Cougar with the WORST CUPHOLDER IN THE WORLD. Literally. It was supposed to be all sleek and space-savey by popping up out of the center console. (You would pull it straight up, and then the part that held your drink would tip over to the right.) Instead, all it meant was that your drink would end up in your lap if you took a right turn too fast. I can’t tell you how many times I walked into work or church looking like I’d peed myself in the car on the way over. I learned to drink only Sprite when driving so at least it wouldn’t look like diarrhea which is what happened if it was Coke on light-colored pants.
So seriously, what is the effect of Mountain Dew on a heel? I’ve seen that coke can remove water stains, so if I could be doing a Palmolive type soak on my heel and eliminate the need for the GD pumice stone that I always scrape my knuckles on, I am all in.
I never would have thought to use my shoe as a cup holder. I normally just ask for the cardboard ones if necessary. However, as I drive like a maniac, most drinks don’t have a chance anyway, so my shoes are still good. Can’t say much for the floor mats.
One of our new cars came down to two choices: the one my husband wanted and the one with more cup holders. The cup holders won.
Those are CUP holders?! Mine are used as cell phone cradles, eyeglass case carriers and all-those-receipts-I-keep-forgetting-to-take-inside holders. Sigh! But now that I can use a shoe to keep my latte from spilling…it’s all good!
This is BRILLIANT! Though as a flip-flop wearer…slightly problematic. 😉 In my 93 Corolla, I only have 2 cupholders at the moment…and it is a sad, sad day. Might have to keep shoes in there just in case!
I think he needs to buy you more shoes.
Brilliant… I never thought there would be a way to get additional fiber in my diet with soft drinks. Woohooooo,
Men are just soooo unappreciative sometimes!
That’s genius. I wear flip-flops most of the time so I’ll have to stick to my current system–my children. Between them, they’ve got 4 hands. That’s 4 extra cup holders. And I get to scream, “Who’s crying over split milk now, bitches?!” Okay, I don’t really do that. I might think it though.
I have decided that all lost and lonely shoes on the side of the highway will now be confiscated as extra cupholders for my car–provided I don’t get squished like a bug trying to retrieve them.
Yeah that wouldn’t work here in Florida. Because flip-flops.
Safety ratings and design of cup holders are the two main things I look for in a car – not necessarily in that order. We had no cup holders growing up (sad), then my mom bought one of those plastic console things that had cup holders and a place to store your 8-tracks but it would slide all over the car and flip over – shoes are better than those things were…for drinks, not 8-tracks. I don’t know how big your foot would have to be that your shoe could hold a collection of 8-tracks. Probably really big.
I went to a costume party in college wearing a cool pair of silver pumps from the 60’s & took them off during the evening to dance. Upon putting them on, I noticed one was soggy & wet. When I asked what happened, with a huge grin one of the guys told how they drank champagne from my shoe. He wasn’t so happy when I explained that I bought these shoes from the Thrift Store & who knows how many feet had been in them before mine!
Right? Sigh.
But I’m not sure there’s anywhere in my car that I could wedge a shoe and have that be particularly stable. Hm. Design flaw.
When I needed a new car the only thing I wanted was cup holders. I now have 12. It’s amazing…but for some reason they’re always full!!
I may have to get a pair of boots to keep in the car as spare cupholders because I get really tired of the attitude the carhops give me at Sonic when I order 3 drinks when I am alone in the car (which only has two cupholders) and I ask for a cupholder. Are their drink holders made of some super expensive material and I am just not with-it enough to know? Could I have a lucrative side business repurposing cupholders? Hmmm… that might be worth looking into!
He’s so damn ungrateful! He is so lucky that you take care of him and coddle him the way you do. You guys crack me up!
I don’t need shoes. My minivan has at least 16 cup holders. I might be missing some…this thing is pretty cavernous. It is perfectly legal to drive without shoes. And Victor’s lucky you WEREN’T wearing Uggs…those things would’ve absorbed all the spilled drink and he wouldn’t have gotten ANY.
I’m adding “picture Jenny sloshing around in Mt. Dew” to my armor today. I’m gonna need that. Thanks.
We both use my boyfriend’s hiking boots for cup holders, so the cat doesn’t knock our glasses over. Kitty can have a sip and not risk a spill!
I should have used a shoe this morning, as I now have coffee all over my car and pants. Thrilled to be smelling like coffee all day work today. Shoes for everyone!
Brilliant! Next time my daughter complains that I’ve used all the cup holders for my drinks, I’ll tell her to take off her shoe. Thank you!
Finally, a use for Crocs!
shoe as a cup holder… BRILLIANT!!!!
You go out of your way to do someone a favor and all they do is complain. Some people’s children.
My daughter just did that recently, use my boot as a cupholder. I thought it was genius.
My husband wanted a cup holder for his motorcycle which is so f@*%kng dumb my mind vapor-locked. Nothing says “I’m a bad-ass” like a cup holder on your Harley 🙁 I told him he should just use his motorcycle boot instead – thanks for the tip Bloggess; you are the best!
Well clearly they are his drinks because who else would you sacrifice a shoe for but your dear husband. Victor, Victor, Victor.
I used to work for a car sales web site and people were always emailing asking about the number of cup holders in cars. It always made me laugh- then I had kids. My mommy-mobile has 9+ now. And only 3 are currently full of empty cups.
Comments are awesome people- I’m lol-ing at the office! Thanks- I needed that!
Since I regularly travel (to the store, to school, to work, wherever) with a minimum of one extra pair of shoes in the car, that increases my cup holders by 4! Or 2, considering I wear heels a lot. Or 4 when I have more than one extra pair (which is more often than you think . . .)
I see another whole book/career for: Helpful Hints (that Go Horribly Wrong)
Obvi, he doesn’t get any more shoe drinks until he gets his priorities in order.
Or you just take away the cup and give him the shoe.
I usually just set the drinks on top of my car and drive home wondering what the rattling noise is about or why people are waving at me and pointing to my roof. Sigh
Jenny! You are suffering from mountiandewshoe! I am pretty sure the only cure is to have Victor pick up the food from now on….
Men, right?
You can’t live with us, Jenny, and you can’t kill us without spending time in a correctional facility surrounded by crazed lesbians, not the cool, hot ones like you’d see on “Orange is The New Black”.
You’re no Julianna Marguiles (thank God, she irks me), but you’re a good wife, nonetheless.
So Detroit should begin including a free pair of shoes with every new car.
This is genius. Pure genius. I never thought about doing that. #ThingLearnedToday
It’s like the Valentine’s Day card I saw somewhere on the Interwebs’—Tell Victor that you were sending him the message “I’d Mountain Dew you” and since he didn’t GET it, you will not be IN THE MOOD (ahem!) for quite some time.
I hated driving a mini-van…but I do miss the cupholders. The Toyota Sienna must have the highest cupholder per capita ratio of any vehicle out there. I could reach 6 from the driver’s seat….plus one bottle holder in the door.
To save your marriage, I suggest you carry one of Victor’s shoes in your car to use as a cup holder.
So, when you’re using a shoe as a cupholder, do you hop around on one foot? Or walk with a slightly lopsided gait with one shoe? Or take off both shoes and walk barefoot? I ask merely for logistics purposes if I were to ever try this (in the summer when the ground isn’t cold and/or wet.)
I didn’t get a BMW because I couldn’t reach the push in hidden dash cupholders. The salesman thought I was crazy, that I didn’t get the car because of the cup holders. Priorities!
At least it was your shoe and not one from the local thrift store!
i do the same thing ALL THE TIME!
Mountain Dew has so much Caffeine it in it is a wonder you ever sleep. Don’t drink that crap, it probably at through the bottom of your shoe and is now eating through the heal of your foot. Nothing good ever comes from drinking Mountain Dew.
I have turned into a Jewish Mother, Oy Veh.
This is a really good idea! Other than the leaking, that is. I would never have thought of it… but then I don’t drive and I don’t really want to be the lady holding a shoe with a drink in it on the bus, wagging my one bare foot back and forth.
I’ve heard that as a road trip tip before.
But now I’m curious how you’ve filled all the cup holders. I’m from Australia and we don’t have as many cupholders in our cars because we’re underprivileged in that way.
Just wanted to leave Dancer (#22) a hug.
i’m siding with victor on this one. shoes touch places no hand or mouth should go near.
“AND apologizing for leaking in my shoes.” I’m really glad you’re talking about mountain dew and shoes.
This is genius. And now I have yet another excuse not to clean out my car. Thank you.
I just watched the video about how to uncork a bottle of wine with a shoe, and now I am wholly overwhelmed with the apparent drink-shoe partnership I never even knew existed. what other secret tricks exist between these two?!
It’s meant to be an honor? Well, hell! The time I lost so badly while bowling that I had to drink Mountain Dew out of a bowling shoe I’d just worn… and, my feet would make good weapons of mass destruction… and had to hold back a gag… was an honor. Instead of a nightmare. As honors go: dubious. But as cupholders… huh. Just check for leakage.
I have never thought of using a shoe as a cup holder, haha, not a bad idea actually 🙂
xo,
Jamie
This made me think of you.
http://groupthink.jezebel.com/which-poorly-taxidermied-animal-are-you-1521077852
This is amazing! Hahaha!!!
It’s like he wasn’t even born in America…or on Earth…or has ever met a woman. Jesus.
😉
#1 Never even though of that “life hack”
#2 Hahaha 🙂
My wife blames me for things I have nothing to do with all the time. I asked her for this comment, honey what’s an example of when you. . . “But those things are all your fault” she replied with a smile.
What’s wrong with him? He seems so smart, at times, too…
I wonder how many people have tried using their shoes as cup holders just because of this post.
Can’t tell you how much I needed that laugh … thanks for sharing!
There are seven cup holders within reach of the driver’s seat of the Toyota Sienna mini-van. Six of them have empty containers, junk and tissue in them, so I appreciate the shoe idea — that way the drink balanced on the passenger seat might not spill
Victor needs to get you cup holders? Needs to apologize? No way. That whiny bitch owes you new shoes!
Mountain Spew?
Ugg.
I read “Drinking from a stripper” which, to be fair, would’ve pretty much par for the course on this blog.
You are so funny!
Usually it’s hard enough for me to get his coffee home from Starbucks iwthout spilling it (and that’s IN a cup holder with a green sword stopper thingy). I don’t want his white mocha in my shoe…the dogs would eat it.
Plus I like flip flops, and am looking forward to NEVER wearing shoes when we move to Houston this May. 🙂
Oh God! I love you. I don’t usually laugh this hard first thing in the morning, but I always do when you have we a new post. It’s hard to remember that just a few years ago I was instatutionized for a suicide attempt….& was damn mad that it didn’t work. Thank you for bringing life and sanity back to me. Also for letting me know that DEPRESSION LIES! laurieh@bresnan.net
One day Victor will just begin to say “uh huh” to whatever you’ve done. That’ll be the day the source material died. For all our sakes, I hope you maintain your brand of wedded weird for a very long time.
You should totally take a picture and post it on Pinterest.
That is actually a really smart idea, I always run out of cup holders because I have so many cleaning supplies in my car! (so cliche OCD, but true…)
Once my daughter and niece made fake vomit and pour it into one of my shoes. My brother who was visiting came to me and asked “Kim did you throw up in one of your pumps?” ( a gold pump
from an 80s part no less). I wasn’t mad at all just really impressed it was amazingly realistic
.
I used to drink Mountain Dew by the gallon in high school. I think that’s why my skin has a yellowy-green glow. That, or the dry jello powder packs I ate in fifth grade.
Wait, do you also keep cups in your car?
I found the people you need to live next door to.
http://themetapicture.com/these-guys-are-probably-the-best-neighbors-ever/
You’re WELCOME, Victor!
A brilliant idea! I use the cup holders in my car for drinks because none of my shoes have backs to them. Mountain Dew tastes a bit like the inside of a shoe to me anyway.
I love it here.
Brilliant idea. Whoever’s idea it was to put cupholders in the glovebox obviously wasn’t a woman. Drinks aren’t going to stay in the cup holders when CD cases are flying at them at a rate of velocity when the car stops…..
Hidden cupholders should be madatory in each car – that would also cater to the OCDish people like me that must have nice clean lines in a car and no cupholders that can gather nasty things in them…..
Not weird at all, honest.
Sadly that wouldn’t work with flip flops…
What a brilliant idea. I never thought about it. I specifically buy the medium size drinks because the large drinks don’t fit in my cupholder. Now I have a solution!
I love the humor! Ans the insights you put into it. Thank for sharing this with us.
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