I like my cats to still have skins. It’s a personal preference.

I have about 8,000 notes on my phone that make almost no sense whatsoever because I write them in the middle of the night when I’ve had too little sleep and too much to drink, and then I look at them later and think, “What in the hell is wrong with me?”  This is one of those notes:

They say there’s more than one way to skin a cat, but isn’t one way enough?

I mean, there’s probably more than one way to take off your pants but that doesn’t mean you should try it. I suppose you could roll up the legs until they’re like a weird speedo and then slip them off but that seems like waste of time.

Also, why were so many people skinning cats when this phrase was popular? And why is it still with us today? Does it mean something I don’t know? Is it like “spanking the monkey” or “choking the chicken” or “flogging the dog”? Is it weird that I can’t think of anymore animal cruelty euphemisms except for ones about men wanking? Is the cat skin one a euphemism for girls? Because ew. I was considering calling my dad to ask how to skin a cat since he’s a taxidermist but now I’m worried I might accidentally ask my father about masturbation.

These are things that keep me up at night.

Oh, hang on.  I just thought of another one…”Doing the snake.”  That one’s not about wanking but it really seems like it should be.

152 replies. read them below or add one

  1. My question is why anyone would want to skin a cat? Can’t we just leave the cat (an their skin) alone and intact?

    Rhonda recently posted Are People Responsible For Their Thoughts, Actions, or Neither?.

  2. There’s a slam-dunk pussy joke in there somewhere, but I’m a gentleman, so I’ll leave that to someone less tactful.

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’ve narrowly cheated death yet again.

  3. I’m afraid to ask anyone a question now. I don’t want to get in trouble with HR for accidently asking about masterbation.

  4. Doing the snake? Um, I think that one will need further explanation. Is it about a clogged drain? Taxidermy? What?

    (I thought it was a well-known dance move, but I can’t find anything about it on the internet and now I’m thinking I confused it with “doing the robot”. ~ Jenny)

    The Dose of Reality recently posted Would You Rather: Watch Grease Or Grease 2?.

  5. No sense beating a dead horse.

    (100 points for Gryffindor! ~ Jenny)

  6. UNLESS I preface every question with, “this isn’t about masterbation…”

    That’s probably a solid strategy.

    Laurie recently posted Office Painting Done.

  7. This is actually pretty genius for a sleep deprived, drunken note. I say Kudos!

    Sarah Negovetich (@SarahNego) recently posted Agency Lessons: Objectivity in a subjective world.

  8. Wait. Then what does doing the snake mean? It only sounds dirty to me.

    Jess recently posted BSC #39: Poor Mallory!.

  9. I LOVE that I’m not the only person with such notes on my phone. I don’t remember writing most of them…

    Gravityslave recently posted anger.

  10. Your notes are way more coherent than my notes. And also way more entertaining.

    Skin the cat is a really dumb expression. Did they do a lot of cat skinning what that expression was invented? Weird. I think you should totally ask your dad.

  11. Doing the snake sounds like a dance the boys did in eighth grade…. wait.. maybe they were talking about the other thing….

    mmaxwellbey recently posted i love a parade.

  12. 12
    Kimberli Nelson - Chicago West

    Its not doing the snake, its doing the worm, Jenny… 😉

  13. 13
    Kim Hokanson

    I believe it was originally about skinning catfish.

    http://www.english-for-students.com/To-Skin.html

    You’re welcome.

  14. Doing a snake seems logistically difficult if you’re a guy, and potentially bitey if you’re a girl. Doing a robot just sounds…oily.

  15. There are multiple methods in which one can employ to relieve a feline of it’s hirsute exterior.

    I think that sounds less threatening.

    Michelle recently posted 21 Things I Think Before Going To Work On Monday Mornings.

  16. I always wondered what people were doing with all these cat skins? I wasn’t aware that cat fur coats were a popular item, but history is weird and scares me sometimes.

  17. I just had to google “doing the snake” because I’m dense like that. Still got nothing, someone enlighten me.

    Janice recently posted Has this ever happened to you?.

  18. I dunno, “leave me alone, I’m skinning the cat” sounds like it would be a lot more effective when yelled through a locked door versus “I’m having quiet time” should you be taking a moment to “talk to a little man about a boat” They tend to leave you alone if they think you’re mutilating animals.

  19. I made the mistake of reading this while was class was quietly working on an assignment. That was a misstep. Seriously. I laughed so hard I cried, and then I had to explain to 9th graders why I was laughing, and they didn’t think it was funny, and now they think I’m weirder than they initially thought. So thanks, Jenny.

  20. “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel ” always bothered me, wouldn’t it just blow holes in the barrel and all the water drain out? Wouldn’t it be easier and save bullet $$ if you just dumped the water out? Big fan of “two birds with one stone” though cuz I hate birds waking me too early and who had time to look for rocks?

  21. Not only is the horse dead, but the whip is made from jelly.

  22. Now you have me wondering if whack-a-mole is more than just a carnival game… Ew.

    nancytex2013 recently posted when you gotta go, you gotta go.

  23. are you confusing “doing the snake” with “doing the butt, heeeeyyy!” you know the song? because that’s how i said it in my head.. heeeyyy!

    blondechick80 recently posted Found this in my drafts folder from 2010: we went to beach, and I don't mean the river or a lake!.

  24. 24
    Laneycakes

    I have an old friend who used to call it “punching the clown in the nose” and I would at first laugh and then grimace. Men are strange.

  25. The snake is a dance move. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAAzEeF_9ZY

  26. I definitely think you should add pregnanchicken.com to blogs you love. You’ll love this one and she recommended your book to me!

  27. I’ve heard “Don’t kick the mule when it’s down” but doing the snake? I like your phone notes. You should corral them into a book — would make an edifying read, no doubt.

    marydpierce recently posted Until a tiny thing trips you up (Flash Fiction).

  28. 28
    ocularnervosa

    Skinning the cat referred to whipping someone with the Cat O’ 9 tails. “More than one way” meant there were multiple ways to whip someone.

  29. I should add– I discovered this blog when you had posted the story of how you found Copernicus the monkey at the consignment shop. I was proctoring a final exam at the time, and my laughter/crying wasn’t appreciated. I should know better than to read your blog at work. But yet– here we are. Me reading your blog and students thinking I’m a weirdo.

  30. Wait you typed all of that on your phone in the middle of the night? That is impressive. My phone notes to myself all look like “Adifsoijvc aeiovd asgoewa faoosg eooafdsfew”. The fun part is deciphering the code of what each letter was supposed to be.

  31. 31
    Larry M. Magoon

    There’s more than one way to skin a cat, there’s just no way to do it so the cat’s going to like it.

  32. When I was little and it was time to get ready for bed and my parents would change my clothes they’d say skin the cat when they would take my shirt off. This makes me uncomfortable now.

  33. 33
    avatarfest

    Tube snake boogie

  34. Bet the pre-edited note was even funnier with autocorrect ions.

  35. It’s “doing the worm” that’s a dance move

  36. The origin of the phrase is “there’s more than one way to skin a catfish” as they’re known for their scaleless skin being quite difficult to remove. Takes a bit of “elbow grease”, if you’re looking for additional ew factor.

  37. 37
    Karin from Birmingham

    If we let sleeping dogs lie, how do we know they’re not dead?

  38. Sure you weren’t thinking of ‘draining the snake’-i.e. common boys’ expression for urination?

  39. I always thought “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” sounded dirty; especially since some British guys call girls “birds”.

    Shelley J recently posted They should put a common sense section on the SAT..

  40. are you actually spelling all those words correctly in the middle of the night? I need to start drinking what your drinking…

    thetattootourist recently posted Tattoo Taboos – Can Your Ink Get You Killed?.

  41. 41
    Erin M. Miller

    I was horrified by that expression when I was child and then when I found out it was about a cat o’ nine tails and whipping people I felt better about it. Which says a lot about my hierarchy of living beings. Skinning a cat: NOT OK. Flaying someone with a whip: Whatever.

  42. I think (though i haven’t verified) that “more than one way to skin a cat” comes from the time when parchment (made of animal skins) was used. Cat skin was commonly used to make parchment and thus books and whatnot.

    Anyway. Now that i’ve gone all historical here, i’m going to try to come up with a dance called “doing the snake.” I might get fired (or at least written up or maybe just really strange looks from coworkers), but totally worth it 🙂

  43. Your brain makes people happy. I really don’t have anything else to say.

    abandoningpretense recently posted How my son ruined my favorite Indian restaurant (and why it was all my fault).

  44. Thanks for the laugh during my mental health break here at work. Any euphemism is good in my book. I don’t care what it’s yanking, skinning, pulling, whacking or beating. And I wish I could even wake up in the middle of the night with a cohesive thought. To actually write something down? You really need to get some rest.

  45. 45
    Carol Cleckler

    Let sleeping dogs lie….sigh.

  46. 46
    Harlene Miller

    I like big snakes and I cannot lie!

  47. I have actually had to skin a cat (for science! Anatomy class required it in nursing school), and I can tell you…One is already too many ways. Seriously What the fuck is wrong with people?

    Also it takes forever to get the smell of formaldehyde’d cat out of your nose and off your hair.

  48. 48
    Sandy Davis

    I’ve always heard it was about catfish. Like that line in an old Alabama song “bending over skinning cats”… actually umm that sounds pretty masterbatey too. Wow now I’m wondering if they were a bunch of dirty old men….

  49. You made my morning!

  50. why is it that there are so many slang terms for boys masturbating? here’s hope that skinning the cat doesn’t refer to masturbating… because…. it is so sad.

    jennifer @ moonrises and morning tea recently posted i've got 99 worries and a bitch ain't one.

  51. but there’s probably only one way to skin a cat correctly, right? And I think there’s only one way to take your pants off that allows you to put them on again… otherwise they’re probably being cut off after a tragic accident and you won’t want to wear those bad luck pants again!

    And your blog link never works for me 🙁 is it because i’m on blogspot?

  52. “there are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream”
    This is a phrased used around the same time as the origin. Really sounds like a euphemism for masterbation too. So, … (I’ve got nothing.)

    http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-mor1.htm
    P.S. Interesting, skinning a cat is also a gymnastic term.

  53. 53
    Nancy Whitfield

    I always say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat. The cat’s not gonna like it any way you go, but…”

  54. A friend of mine on facebook ( I use the term loosely) just posted a picture of his shaved cat. It was terrifying. I also have notes that I write to myself so I’ll remember things, but then I read them and just remember that I’m crazy as fuck.

    Steph recently posted Pt. 1: Is This Really My Life? Pt. 2: Yes. And that’s okay..

  55. I think some things are simply best left unquestioned.
    This may be one of those times.

    Psychobabble recently posted If you feel like a chicken without a coop.

  56. This story really jumps the shark!

  57. “‘Scuse me, I gotta see a man about a dog”
    “Wait, what?”
    “I have to see a….fuck it, I have to pee.”
    “Wait, why are you seeing a man? Is that a gloryhole? What’s a dog doing there? WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

  58. My husband and I turn anything that sounds remotely dirty into sexual innuendos, and some that don’t even sound dirty at all but we make them work anyway. Then a high five is involved. Yes, we’re 12…

  59. What about… “Bouncing the otter”?
    Or “Beating the peacock”?
    Those both sound dirty.

    The Hook recently posted 5×5 With The Hook: Sean Smithson..

  60. This gives the best explanation I can find about the origin: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-mor1.htm

  61. There is another expression in Spanish about cats, but it’s “Don’t go looking for the 5th leg on the cat.” It means basically don’t look for what’s wrong on a perfectly normal cat, or don’t fix what’s not broken…but it’s another one that always befuddles me a little.

  62. I’ve heard of “Doin’ the cockroach.” But I’m not so sure about that one either, anymore. I’m questioning everything in life.

  63. My high school science teacher had a drawer full of dead cats.

    He would keep the skins after the AP bio class dissected them.

  64. I think they just didn’t like cats, freaking cat haters of history. Burn em at the stake. Haters.

    http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/32123/origin-of-the-phrase-theres-more-than-one-way-to-skin-a-cat

    Michelle Grewe recently posted Your Pet Peeve is probably my pet peeve.

  65. I’m glad I’m not the only one that puts random drunk thoughts in the notes on their phone to write about later. I’m still trying to decipher a few

  66. When you dissect a cat, which I did in high school, you need to peel off (skin) the cat so you can get to the muscles, etc. They do not come pre-peeled. Fun? no. All kinds of icky? yes.

    (Your science teacher was totally cheap. They come pre-peeled if you pay extra. It’s weird that I know that. ~ Jenny)

  67. Catskinner used to mean the driver/handler of the mules used for wagon haulage. I am way too old.

  68. OK so I’m at work and I’m not going to read all the comments and get fired… so I’m sorry if this has already been brought up…. The Snake is the weird side to side wriggling dance Axl Rose used to do back when he was coked up and skinny. Also, my former roommate and I used to use the term, Petting the Kitty for lady masturbating… so, there’s that. I DO in fact say the cat skinning thing on a regular basis, but I always then wonder why my mother is still speaking thru my mouth when I’ve been gone from Kansas for over 12 years. I’m going to kill a teeny bit more company time now to look up the origin of cat skinning, because I’m a serious word/phrase origin geek. PS I love you!

  69. Now I really want to roll my pants up like a weird speedo before taking them off to see how much time it really does waste. I’m thinking quite a lot if I try it will my jeans because getting that roll up my thighs might be difficult. I will most likely try it will my pajamas. Yes. That will work.

  70. My ex used to say “just hold the tail while I skin this cat.” Yep, its one of the reasons he’s now my ex…

  71. Of course, I often wonder about our fascination of mutilating cats, either alive or dead. If you aren’t skinning them, you’re measuring the size of a room by swinging its carcass around.

  72. Just leave all the poor animals (and penises) alone.
    And why are such violent euphemisms used to imply urination and male masturbation? Seriously.
    If you’re yankin’ on it that furiously (and maybe still not achieving your goal) that you’re referring to it as “choking” or “beating”, maybe you should consider adult films in a fetish genre.
    Or you could, I don’t know, get a hobby…

    The philosophical feeling I am left with every time I read one of your posts from middle of the night or random daydreaming notes, can never be replaced, Jenny.

    Thank you for making me feel just a tiny bit more enlightened and a little less like I’m the only crazy one out there.

  73. I was surprised, when I went to look at euphemisms, how many I’d never heard before. So, your post ended up being highly educational. The world is a strange, strange place.

  74. So those people that ‘let the cat out of the bag’ – do they skin the cats first? Or are they trapped in a bag, then taken out to be skinned? That seems cruel. I’m so confused.

  75. I’ve never thought of the cat skinning one as a euphemism, but now it seems like it must be. Otherwise it’s just mean. Although, as a euphemism it might be mean too, since I don’t exactly know what it might be a euphemism for…

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted Feeding my Reader with NetGalley.

  76. 76
    Larry M. Magoon

    Since there are euphemisms, why aren’t there any mephemisims?

  77. Woodchucks chucking “wood” has always been questionable. Why would I want to know HOW MUCH wood a woodchuck could chuck? I’d really rather not think about it.

    Shelley J recently posted They should put a common sense section on the SAT..

  78. I think doing the snake is just unclogging your toilet after a bad poo.

    Jane @ The Blue Morpho recently posted See you in June.

  79. When my husband wanted to buy a camping trailer, I said ok but it has to have enough room to swing a dead cat. When we went looking at them, I looked over at him and he was standing in the middle, making little arm motions to visualize if it met my criterion.

  80. While riding on Small World at Disney World one day, I noticed one of the animatronic figures chocking the chicken. Literally, it had grabbed a chicken by the neck and was pulling the chicken’s head out and in strangling the poor bird. I pointed it out to my wife and she hit me in the arm when, during a second ride, I took a photo of it. I needed proof! http://www.techydad.com/2011/04/wordless-wednesday-why-my-wife-jabbed-me-in-the-arm-for-taking-a-photo-during-the-small-world-ride/

    TechyDad (@TechyDad) recently posted Learning To Bike Ride.

  81. I bet most of these originated from England….except in the deep south it would the French version that didn’t translate to English very well.

  82. Like a chicken with its head cut off…

  83. 83
    @shthisisme

    Perhaps they are trying to describe the manufacturing process for this “reusable” kitty carpet: http://www.beauty.com/solutions-that-stick-kitty-carpet-reusable-downstairs-toupee-natural-pink/qxp476841?catid=268056an, that’s just wrong.

  84. 84
    Louisethepython at Gmail

    I am the owner of Louise the Python. Who is here with Jenny’s book:
    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7245/7103154875_9c47aafe80_z.jpg

    In this house, DOING THE SNAKE refers to taking 50 pounds of itchy pissed shedding girl out in the yard and peeling her shed off by hand, holding my hands around her while she slowly moves through them. The skin comes off in giant sheets and it’s like peeling off a very long sock. That’s attached to a leg that is enraged with the itchiness of what shedding feels like to her.

    Doing the snake once meant making a video to complement a comic drawn by Bizarro… a circus act with slow animals moseying through a hoop.
    http://bizarrocomic.blogspot.com/2011/02/snake.html
    And the 1 min youtube I made “Burmese python jumping through hoop FAIL” set to jaunty circus music, is over here…

    If Jenny or others can think of a completely silly video involving Louise the Python and something Bloggessy to illustrate “doing the snake” OUR way, bring it on and I’ll deliver.
    BIG HUGS!

  85. Don’t forget grabbing a tiger by the tail – although that’s not so much animal cruelty, as it is human stupidity.

  86. Ever since I had to actually skin a cat, I have been mildly annoyed by this phrase. My biology teacher accidentally ordered dead cats with skin on instead of pre-skinned dead cats. I ended up skinning Sam by myself because my lab partner kept running from the lab in tears. I told her if she couldn’t skin a cat, she’d probably never make it through med school.

    Anyway, there aren’t that many ways to skin a cat. Maybe there are, but it all comes down to “tear off the skin” and none of them are pleasant, especially if your lab partner can’t help because she’s sobbing uncontrollably. Maybe all those other ways to skin a cat involve more than one person. I certainly never discovered them.

  87. Actually your list makes more sense than my list; which I don’t keep – but I should. I forget 99.9% of the weird and brilliant ideas and concepts I have. Here are just 2, the two I can recall, having.

    Elephants disdain other elephants named Bert!

    Potatoes are kept in brown sacks in the dark because of their eyes.(?)
    (This made me wonder if refrigerators are soundproof because that is where we keep our corn.)
    #Facts_I_Learned_While_Dreaming

  88. 88
    Cindy Sanborn

    So is saying “like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” actually discussing the popularity of well endowed men? I will never euphemize again.

  89. Surprisingly, Hippos named Bert are popular, even if they fart!
    NCIS Bert the Farting Hippo
    http://www.cbsstore.com/ncis-bert-the-farting-hippo/detail.php?p=262428

  90. I’m too hesitant to google “Doing the snake”. I feel it might lead to some crazy bestiality sites and knowing my luck, my computer will crash and I’ll have to get the computer fixed and the first thing the technician will see when he gets the computer working is a snake being used for unmentionable acts…and advertisements for pony shows.

  91. Your phone note reminded me of my grandpa Lewis’ writing to his local newspaper’s op-ed column so often it was practically his own column. He did this in the exact manner that your phone notes seem to take (stream of consciousness, half-baffling). The big difference being of course that this was pre-cell phone, he sent it to someone, and they published them! I’ve often thought of gathering them up in to a book. I would of course need to dig in to possible reasons for his wrtings at the time (communism, Hardees menu change, the propensity of lilacs to mildew).
    I think this style of writing is a particularly Southern thing….

  92. 92
    busywoman

    So happy that 90% of the office is at our trade show out of town, so no one saw me shoot tea out of my nose while I laughed hysterically. Your brain is a magnificent piece of art.

  93. You’ll figure it out…when pigs fly, and it stops raining cats and dogs.

    Diane Holcomb recently posted Dreams Growing Up.

  94. I love you people so much that it hurts.

  95. There are different techniques to skinning a deer depending if you plan to keep the hide or just throw it away so why not have more then one way to skin a cat…but to add non animal quotes…..”you must wiggle your rod for proper penetration” (for welding), “I have to get proper head room before I pull the slack out” (railroader)…all sentences can be about sex if we try

  96. I want a hairless cat, stuffed. That would be my first taxidermy item.

    Mom Off Meth recently posted I put my sports bra on.

  97. Pretty sure “doing the snake” has something to do with David Coverdale, since he named the band Whitesnake after his own “snake.”

  98. Wanda Sykes once did a whole dialogue on thoughts in the middle of the night. I was laughing so hard I nearly peed. My husband didn’t get it. It must a female thing…

    skullwoman recently posted Adventures in the Punk DIY Kitchen: Necessity is the Mother of Invention.

  99. In the 50’s they used to say, “Give me some skin.” which meant to slide your hand over theirs. And they used to call people hep cats, or cool cats, so my working theory is that there are many ways to slide your hand over someone else’s, and no actual cats are harmed. I also could be delusional, but I prefer that, to killing kitties. Also, the phrase, “Like beating a dead horse” sounds like wanking, but isn’t…or is it? Again, I could be wrong.

  100. By “doing the snake” are you by any chance thinking of The Gator, the “dance” immortalized by Animal House? I think some people also called it “doing the worm.”

  101. Once again, thank you (and everyone who commented) for proving that soda can really shoot out your nose as you laugh hysterically and THEN try to stutter an explanation to your kids. These days, I just turn the laptop so they can see the blog I am reading and they nod sagely and walk away quickly, ha ha!

  102. This so makes me think about culinary school where everything, EVERYTHING said in the kitchen had something to do with sex, on way or another (boning knife: “Hey, man, lemme borrow your boner,” walking behind someone with a hot pot: “Hot behind! Damn tootin’!,” and so on). One way or the other, it comes down to sex. Always.

  103. My boss always says there is enough of whatever she’s talking about to “choke a goose”. Where is this goose and why is she trying to choke it?! Poor goose.

  104. Hey, Jenny, do you listen to the (free on iTunes) podcast “Welcome to Night Vale”? It seems like the sort of thing you’re probably already all over, but just in case, thought I’d tip you off. It’s mostly witty with a side of eerie, just like you. I mean that in the best way possible, of course. I love you. Well, now this is awkward.

    (I don’t listen as much as I should but I do love it. Way behind though. ~ Jenny)

  105. My question is what do you do with the cat’s skin once you have it off?

    Chooplah recently posted The Truth Behind Extreme Weight Loss by The Girl Who Lost a Baby Horse Off Her Butt.

  106. “Beating a dead horse” comes to mind. I never thought of that as sexual, but with the discovery of Viagra I suppose it could be.

  107. big cat fur was very popular back in the 40s and 50s. now there are laws, thank god.
    I have some sort of big cat fur hair band from the 1950s that is cool but I can’t sell it…nor wear it b/c it’s illegal to sell…and too tight to wear…and too hot b/c I am in FL.
    I maintain that selling vintage fur keeps the fur of modern live animals where it belongs, on the live animal.

  108. 108
    Doug in Oakland

    The ritual strangulation of poultry, it is the way of my people.
    Also oldman @#67: Catskinner is what they call the driver of the large tractor (Caterpillar) at a logging operation.

  109. I love it. Notes on the phone might be better than answering the phone and not remembering the conversation. Especially when the reason for the late night call was bad news. Guess I didn’t say anything offensive.

  110. When I took A&P in college, we were told there really WAS only one way to skin a cat. Because we had to make it look like a little fur coat so we could wrap the cat back up again when we were done so it wouldn’t dry out. Because we dissected cats for an entire semester. Ick. I never should have scheduled A&P lab right before dinner. But, to be honest, I was a lot skinnier back then because you just can’t eat after that sort of thing…

  111. I’m glad I’m not the only middle of the night intoxicated philosopher. Maybe people used to wear cat skin hats, before “coon skin” became the vogue thing to wear on the prairie. Now, I’m going to be up all night thinking about this.

    lisarpetty recently posted Hey Gluten Detectives, are you in the bathroom with me at 3:00 AM?.

  112. Most men lead lives of quiet masturbation.

  113. If you do not like cats, maybe you just do not know how to cook them! (and then you will need to skin them, of course 🙂

  114. I’m so envious your phone keeps notes. Mine randomly deletes most of my notes. I wish I could ask it how it decides which ones get cut. I imagine I’d just end up with hurt feelings because probably it’s for the benefit of humanity.

  115. it’s kind of like “chewing the fat” meaning gossiping? Why would you chew on fat… yuck

    what if they were referring to polecats… ewww why would you skin a skunk either? I wouldn’t wear that hat if you paid me…. well actually depending on how much you were planning on paying me I might be willing to negotiate… but I deal in cash.

    Lauren recently posted Come On Get Happy.

  116. http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-mor1.htm

    An interesting comment on the origin of that phrase. Nothing to do with cats at all! Who knew?

  117. You got me thinking and I had to go looking for phrase origins. I found this one: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/32123/origin-of-the-phrase-theres-more-than-one-way-to-skin-a-cat So I’m not sure if this is right, or if some of the other commentators are right. I read a lot of the pioneer/old west/adventure type books when I was a kid and I remember seeing that phrase a lot, but I still have no idea where it originally came from.

    Although having been woken by cats fighting each other in the middle of the night (the ones who deign to live with me), I could hazard another guess…

  118. 118
    Sue Harris

    Oh my God! This is hysterical, but I’m afraid to listen to the video!! LOL
    When my 17 yo daughter was with me just after her concussion and could do nothing except read real, non-Kindle books, she found Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. She LOVED it and read long passages out loud to me. It was awesome (once I got over hearing her reading so many curse words…)

  119. I always say, “I just threw a wrench at the monkey.” Apparently, according to my husband, that’s not how the saying really goes. But that’s how MY saying goes.

    Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted Giving up Mother’s Day for Crispy Wafers of Plastic-ness.

  120. I’m beginning to wonder if you have the ability to read my mind while I’ve been high on pain meds the past couple of weeks. Other than wanting my husband dead because I’m still in all kinds of pain all because I was trying to be a nice wife and keep the scalpel away from his balls (big mistake there!) I’ve been having lots of crazy thoughts like this while my brain has been high on the variety of medications I’ve been given the past couple of weeks. I don’t like taking those drugs at all, but I’m half tempted to try some writing while on one of them. I haven’t done it yet. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ll bet I’m not half as entertaining as you are naturally.

  121. There was actually an environmental activist here in Australia, who I think has since passed who used to wear a cat skin hat!
    There is a very large problem of feral cats over here, and they kill the wildlife, so in cases like his I believe skinning cats is warranted, provided they don’t suffer when they end their life.

    Which of course begs the question, are moleskins really made out of the skin of moles, or were they originally?

  122. 123
    Scott McGreal

    Let’s not forget “smack the pony” – not all animal cruelty euphemisms for masturbation apply to men only, women are getting in on the act too!

  123. Well at least this is WAY MORE INTERESTING than me thinking about how terrible I am every night as I try and fall asleep! So, that part is good! 🙂

    kellml289 recently posted Fitness Funk…...

  124. You should definitely share some of those 8,000 notes. You could make a book out of them.
    I’d buy it.

    Heather recently posted Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Pops.

  125. I think those are valid points. Now you’ve given ME a reason for insomnia.

    Manicmom recently posted Maturity is overrated.

  126. This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!! Thanks! And thanks for being you! My best friend and I read your book and it totally reminded us of our ridiculous shenanigans growing up and how you just have to laugh or you will cry (a lot). I feel so much better knowing there are people like you in this world!

  127. I like ‘doing the snake’ and woud l even going so far as to suggest ‘wrestling the python’, but somehow I don’t think that’s where you were going with this.

  128. Yes… when possible, avoid questioning your dad about masturbation. I love how your mind works 🙂

  129. I hope you eventually make a post about the random half-notes you find in your phone, because I bet they’re fucking gold. Middle-of-the-night brain is probably the best brain, next to pregnancy brain.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted There And Back Again: The Blogosphere.

  130. Hahaaaaaa! LOVE.

  131. I always wonder about the origin & meaning of weird phrases. Usually, it doesn’t come from a good place. Like under my thumb, I believe, is derived from a rule/law that men could beat their wives w/ a stick no bigger than their thumbs. While we still use these phrases, when you really think about them, they’re pretty awful.

    One Funny Motha recently posted Straight Up Funny Tweets.

  132. I’m thinking that once our forefathers were done skinning cats back in the olden days, they took to swinging all those skinned cats about, and thus was born the phrase “You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting (fill in the blank)”

    Or is that just me?

  133. Skinning the cat does not sound like it would be a pleasant sort of masturbation.

    Cassandra recently posted Iterating Toward Sanity.

  134. Never buy a pig in a poke has, I think, the same origin as letting the cat out of the bag.

    Also, I always thought skinning a cat referred to a cat o’nine tails but cat fish skinning sounds plausible too.

  135. OH! and swinging a cat definitely is a cat o’nine tails reference.

  136. I’ll tell you what it means, if you’ll explain to me why a movie called “Sand Sharks” exists.

    That Nerdy Girl recently posted What a pain in the.....neck..

  137. “A fish rots from the head down” – does it really?

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  138. I will not be skinning any cats, today anyways.

    itzybellababy recently posted Have they made progress? #BringBackOurGirls.

  139. My husband’s family would sometimes use the phrase “Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot,” meaning someone was really incompetent. That has never made the slightest bit of sense to me.

  140. Doing the snakre reminds me of that ZZ Top song, Tube Snake Boogie, which I thnk is actually about masturbation.

  141. “doing the snake.” – that’s what she said.

    also, the hubs will randomly say, “hey, who’s fucking this cat?” when he feels i’m butting in too much. i’m assuming he means straight intercourse, because otherwise OH GOD.

  142. Eva, tell him you’re butting in because you don’t want him to screw the pooch.

  143. There are two ways to skin a cat (or most other animals for that matter) – open or case. The one in the center below was open skinned, while the rest were case skinned.
    http://image.fhserv.ru/hunting/2010-09-e571aa4c4dc85ec22dee5994239a2247__rsu-700.jpg

    Note: not my pic – I’ve never skinned any cats

  144. 145
    Anilecia

    I cannot think of a wax/shave job bad enough on the lady-parts that a hot pink literal carpet patch would be preferable. If the person seeing you naked is turned off by asymmetrical pubic hair or razor burn, I can almost GUARANTEE that your rave cover-up will only make things worse.

    And if anyone ever told me that they’d replaced any hair anywhere on their body with something called “Michael Jackson’s hair” I would never touch them in even the most platonic ways again.

  145. So, I don’t know if anyone’s already said this or not, but “The Snake” is a dance. And, I can do it! It’s where you hold your arms out (like you have airplane wings) and you move your neck from side to side.

  146. I am so glad that I am not one of the commenters here who’s had to actually skin a cat for dissection. I could not do that. I’d be the lab partner running out of the room in tears.

    Also, Erin M. Miller @41, you are totally right. I agree with you completely.

    As for what you’d do with a (dead) skinned cat, I learned recently that cat skins were sometimes used to make banjos. I know, right? So weird.

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted May, June & July 2014 concerts – mark your calendars.

  147. “Doing the snake” sounds like something you do to a two-timing boyfriend. Or like hard work….

    Desire recently posted An Accompanied Fart.

  148. 149
    jediMistress

    I have a note like that. It simply says “autoerotic asphyxiation”
    By the time I found it again (weeks after writing it) neither hubs or I could remember the sleep-bleary conversation that led to me making that note.

  149. My family always went with Anne mccaffreys
    “There are more ways to kill a cat than by choking it with butter.”
    (Dull drums).

    The fact that I know the quote and the short story makes me feel right at home here.

  150. Never change Jenny! This blog just picks me up on a bad day and makes a good day even better. I laugh so hard I could hurt myself!

  151. My high school cat dissection manual (so glad to see I’m not alone on this one!) listed two methods – in through the belly or in through the back. You should keep the skin in one big piece to wrap up your cat so that the muscles don’t dry out, but apparently whether your cat wore his skin like a snazzy coat or an artsy apron didn’t matter. I was the only one who didn’t get a pre-skinned cat; I opted for that since it meant I could be the one without a partner, and I was that kid in school, so I can only speak with experience of the snazzy coat option.

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