Not a real post.  Just a quick note:

I had hernia surgery on Friday night and I still feel awful even though lots of people said I’d be as good as new in a few days, so now I feel shitty because I hurt and also shitty because I hurt.  That sounds like I just repeated myself but I assure you, there’s a difference.  It might be one that only makes sense when you’re on the same pain pills I’m on, though.

On the plus-side, I can finally sit up without screaming and I can creep around the house for several minutes as long as I do it in super-slow motion so I don’t jostle anything in my stomach.  I’m like a small, screamy iceberg who suddenly can’t do anything normally anymore.

This gif is pretty much exactly what it’s like to be me today:

View post on imgur.com

I’d have a funny ending here if I wasn’t ouchy and high.

235 thoughts on “Ow.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Some of those painkillers have the opposite effect. There’s no winning, really, especially if they don’t kill the pain. Sorry! And I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  2. “A few days” is like “I only had one beer”, everybody heals at their own rate. Feel Better Soon!

  3. I know how you feel….I had the same surgery and it took 3 weeks to go back to work…..hope you feel better soon!

  4. Make sure your doctors know you’re still in pain. It could be something else fixable that you don’t know about because you just had surgery, hello.

  5. The people who say you’ll be good as new in a few days don’t take into consideration that people have difference tolerances for pain and that we all heal at different speeds. Take care of yourself, get better soon, and remember that we love you.

  6. I’m so sorry you’re still hurting. Best wishes and healing vibes coming your way.

  7. Heal up quick lady! David Thorne is busy being hilarious and you don’t want to miss out!

  8. I recently fell not-so-gracefully down the stairs and was worried I never walk again. So yeah, it feels shitty to feel shitty and it feels shitty to STILL feel shitty…even with the pain meds. It’s 4 weeks out and I’m about 92% back to normal. It will happen. Keep on trekking. But don’t push yourself too much. We need you with us!

  9. My dad had hernia surgery about 10 years ago. He whined and grumbled for like, a good month or so. Part of that is because he’s the only person my mother said she knew to get terminal colds (he whines a LOT when he’s sick) but also because let’s face it… hernias are pretty damned invasive, and the repair is even moreso.

    So it’s okay. And it’ll get better. Even my dad gave up grumbling after a while 🙂

  10. I just read your book (cover to cover in one sitting) and LOVED it! I don’t recommend that you read it right now, though, because laughing will cause pain! Feel better soon!!!

  11. What kind of hernia did you have, if you mind my asking? I’m considering getting my hiatal fixed….

  12. I know it sounds weird but get a back support belt from Home Depot or Lowes and use it to support your tummy. My Husband has had 4 hernia operations and it really helps. They should have given you a wound wrap in the hospital. Sometimes they don’t and I think it’s because they secretly enjoy watching people be in pain.

  13. Everyone recovers at a different rate. Only you can fully know when you’re feeling better. And you can mention this at follow up exams – the docs will ensure that everything went well and you’re healing as you should.

    Take care and rest. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself right now. And look at kitty pics. That always helps!

  14. It’ll get better, you’ll be back to yourself it may take a week or so My friend had hernia surgery and it kicked her ass and she was super fit. So follow doctors orders and take it easy! Take care.

  15. I recently tumbled not-so-gracefully down the stairs and was worried I’d never walk again. The pain was freakin INTENSE. Thankfully, someone invented pain meds. But yeah – it feels shitty to feel shitty. AND it feels shitty to STILL feel shitty a week later. Or two weeks. There IS hope tho. It’s been about 4 weeks now and I’m 92% back to normal. Hang in there!

  16. I think our bodies are kind of like internet connections. Guaranteeing how fast it’s going to heal is like believing your internet speed will always be worthy of the term “Turbo” even though you pay Time Warner Cable extra to guarantee it.

    This sucks and I am so sorry. I hope you are back to surfing speed soon.

  17. You are stronger and more powerful than you think. Just remember, the mighty Titanic was brought down by a small, screamy iceberg (historians don’t know if said berg was ouchy or high).

  18. Sorry that you’re still feeling shitty because you hurt (the first type), but don’t feel shitty because you hurt (the other one). We all hurt sometimes.

    Sending all the good vibes your way!

  19. My sympathies and best wishes for good pain meds and a speedy recovery. Had my appendix out in 8th grade and was similarly bendy-over and slow-ish. Long recovery for me. On the plus side, I got to skip a big chunk of 8th grade!

  20. You shall not pass! Wait….This too shall pass. Patience when in pain is nobody’s virtue.

  21. I hope you feel better soon! I’m a little scared because for the last several days I’ve had a horrible burning stabbing pain and I go in on Friday to have an ultrasound to see if I have a hernia. I don’t feel like I have one but seriously, it would be hard to feel through my fat layers. UGH. I just know that it hurts and it doesn’t feel muscular. It just hurts. 🙁

    I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone and if this was what you were dealing with prior to surgery I’m so sorry! I hope post surgery pain isn’t as bad and it will go away quickly. Take care!

  22. One of my earliest memories is trying to walk all bent over and sore because I had had surgery to repair a hernia I was born with. I was around 3 or so. I remember it not being at all fun (except for the play room at the hospital, they had an awesome play room at the hospital with Curious George books). Maybe go read a Curious George book?

  23. …for clarity, I in no am saying your not fit. I’m saying inspite of her fitness it kicked her ass.

  24. Hang on in there! The thing is, are you better than straight after the surgery? And after another few days you will be able to keep asking yourself if you are better than a week ago (because you may not necessarily be better than yesterday – if that makes sense).

  25. FWIW Jenny, I’m a dude and I’m sure our hernia surgery’s were different (I’ve had several) but they all suck and take longer than everyone tells you to heal. However, they have ALL been totally worth it, and one may have even saved my life. I hope yours wasn’t that serious, but if it was, I’m totally glad your life has been saved, even if you’re in sucky pain now. It gets better and IS worth it.

  26. I’m so sorry 🙁

    I had a “minor” surgery not too long ago and all these women who had had the same surgery before me were like “oh ya, I was up and about in no time and felt great in like 3 minutes!” and I felt like crap for days and days and it was seriously painful and so that made me feel like a complete failure for sucking at recovering quickly from something that was clearly supposed to be easy. Apparently I can’t even do that right.



  27. you WILL feel better, just keep the laughter and sex to a minimum. and take all the pills they give you.

  28. I had surgery a week and a half ago. It’s a c-section cut so, yeah, I get your drift. I almost died this week when a palmetto bug flew across the room after heavy rains and in one insane second, I sat up using nothing but the broken muscles. Thank Gawd I was on meds otherwise, I woulda died!

    I feel your pain. Do not stop taking the painkillers. I was dumb and got off of them thinking I didn’t need them. Then I couldn’t move. Sending you healing thoughts!

  29. Agree about levels of pain. Had my gall bladder out and was told I’d be as good as new in a couple days. If they meant on a couch, half-conscious, trying to vomit, and unable to eat- they were totally right, That was 2 solid weeks of recovery needed. Rest as your body needs it.; Wishing you a safe and healthy recovery process.

  30. I hope you feel better soon. Everyone has their own pain tolerance and speed of recovery. So take it easy.

  31. Okay…YAY! You are alive.

    This is going to pass. You’re gonna feel better soon. And you will definitely be able to play the piano again.

  32. My husband had the same surgery and the same experience. After a few days I thought I would cheer him up (he too was disappointed it took him so long to recover) and keep him busy while I was at work by renting some movies that I liked, but he had never seen. BUT, it seems that all my favorite movies are comedies. In hindsight, leaving him to watch Happy Gilmore was possibly the WORST decision I have ever made. I cam home at lunch to find him both laughing and crying uncontrollably, face covered in tears but completely unwilling to let me pause the movie. Every laugh hurt like hell, but I think the endorphins were offsetting the pain somehow. Or maybe it was an addictive pain like tattoos or cutting? Shit, I don’t know. Is it awful that I still laugh about it??

    But on a serious note, a month after the surgery we were on our honeymoon and he was completely back to normal. And without the “alien” as we called it. Guess it couldn’t have been that bad if he still married me. 😉

  33. Your “shitty & hurt” sentence makes PERFECT sense. I hope you feel better soon. Surgery sucks.

  34. Oh yeah the pain pills and making you fell shitty. Stool softner will get things moving again. I seriously don’t know why they don’t just give them to you when you get your Lortab script filled.

  35. I’m sorry you hurt! I had to have an emergency hysterectomy in Feb (my uterus tried to kill me) and it sucked!!! Hang in there, it will definitely pass.

  36. Wallow as much as you need, I’m convinced that wallowing is necessary to return to normal function. Anyone who says otherwise is an overachiever and must be beaten with pillows.

  37. This bullshit really does pass. I had it about a year and a half ago. It gets better. Enjoy the meds. 🙂

  38. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Feel better, pretty lady!

  39. It took me a while to bounce back from my hernia surgery, too. When it did start getting better, it got better fast. Hope you do too!

  40. It will pass, I promise. I’ve had 8 and can tell you that surgery hurts like hell- open, robotic, laparoscopically, etc. They’re all an assault on your body. Be kind to yourself. Make others be kind to you. That’s what you’d tell all of us .

  41. Always keep a pillow across your stomach. Helps with sneezes, laughs, coughs, etc… Hold it tightly to your stomach in those occurrences. Good luck & hope you feel better soon!

  42. Just go slow. There is no timetable for things like this. And you already feel shitty, so don’t feel like you have to feel shitty about feeling shitty. One shitty is plenty!
    PS Tesla Cat just arrived at the laptop to give her regards. As a cat who spends most of her day prone, you’re doing just fine.

  43. I understand what you mean! I had minor surgery as well recently and am bothered that I am not feeling better in the time frame everyone told me I would. (Don’t get me wrong; I’m very grateful to be healthy, but come on – false advertising on the recovery front!) Hope you feel better soon!

  44. The difference makes perfect sense and I’m not on any medication right now. Hope you feel better soon!

  45. Feel better. I said that in like a spell casting voice. I might be magic. Let me know if it works so I can try it on myself. I’m really sorry if it makes you grow a bunch of extra hands…unless you want a bunch of extra hands, then you’re welcome.

  46. “…so now I feel shitty because I hurt and also shitty because I hurt.”
    That totally makes sense to me, not just because I’m a word weenie, but also because I’ve had abdominal surgery before. It hurts even when it’s minor laparoscopic surgery. It hurts more when it’s not laparoscopic. And if you have nonstandard reactions to the pain drugs they give you, it sucks big hairy ones sideways through a straw! (I never remember to tell them when they ask about drug allergies that Tylenol and anything based on it, such as Vicodin or Percocet, just don’t work on me — a normal headache dose of ibuprofen works better than Vicodin! — and I always feel sorry for people who’ve built up resistance due to various and sundry chronic pain issues.)

    So hurting sucks a lot, and feeling like you’re hurting more than you’re supposed to sucks too.

  47. It always takes longer to recover than they say, so don’t feel like you’re losing the abdominal surgery recuperation contest. Just rest. My husband had the same surgery last fall, and it took him much longer to recover than everyone promised. As in, they told him he’d walk out that same day, whbe what they should have said was he’d be wheeled out high and groaning, be transferred gingerly from the chair to the car to the bed at home, and then suffer for at least a full week. And I had to scrub his ass, on top of everything: http://mamamuzzle.com/?p=233

  48. Yes, girl, this will pass. As an absolute expert on abdominal surgeries, I can relate and I so know what your pain is like. I also know the pain meds help (in my case, well enough that I always start doing shit I shouldn’t do too soon cause I feel like fucking super woman on hydrocodone). I had a bowel resection last year for colon cancer and they took a ft. and half of my large intestine out. I’d been on major pain meds for several months prior to the surgery, then Morphine, dilaudid, and fentanyl in the hospital for 5 days, then back to the hydrocodone for several months after the surgery. And yes, I was hooked. When the drugs were gone, I crashed and burned. I’m no neophyte to pain meds, having had more than a dozen abdominal surgeries over a 30 year period, but never such high amp ones and for such an extended period. Just a word of advice, wean yourself off the pills before they yank them out from under you. Most doctors are worthless re: advising patients about the potential addiction and the need to titrate down before they tell you, “oh, sorry, no more good time pills for you.” What I went through was horrendous and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone (except maybe Mylie Cyrus). Be careful and take care of you, dear. Most likely, anything you think you need to do, it can wait or someone can do it for you. Make the most of your down time and get well soon!!

  49. I know exactly what you mean. I had a laparoscopy (three little incisions, one at my belly button and two below) for endometriosis and ovarian cysts. Everyone said it would take a few days to feel better. When I left the hospital the nurse said I would feel sore the next day. Hah. I couldn’t do anything but lay in bed for three days. I could barely walk for a week or so. It took weeks for the pain to even mostly go away. Sometimes you get the bad luck to be the exception to the “most people” rule, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Even though it may feel like there’s a hell of a lot that’s wrong. Believe me, it’s not just you.

  50. The people who said you’d be good as new in a few days are probably the same people who got their pre baby bodies back 3 hours after giving birth….

    Also, you really don’t want to feel as good as new because then you’d feel like a baby and you’d be just like a small screamy iceberg. Oh, I get it, they were right….

  51. Get like an old fashioned panty girdle or compression shorts or Spanx or
    something to hold your stomach tight.. It’s what I used after my C-sections.

  52. Hmm. I want to say something smart but not funny, since it’s probably not helpful to laugh. But since you’re on painkillers I can’t predict what might be funny…therefore, tell your screamy belly I said feel better. I have no power, but hey, I’m hoping it feels better soon.

    And put a barrier around it to keep HST off: he’s not the goddamned Titanic.

  53. You just take your time being a screamy iceberg. As a fellow RA chick, I can assure you that it will get better. We just take a bit longer to get back to normal after surgeries and such. Because RA is an asshole that likes to make things difficult. The last time I had surgery I had to go to physical therapy two days later. I almost threw up on my therapist when he took the dressing off my hand. Then I almost passed out when he touched it.

    You’ll be okay. Keeping you in my prayers until you are. And probably after you are too. <3

  54. A lapping pus- … feline? For the record, I never said you’d be up and around. Save some pain meds, you never know when the Zombacolypse may happen. Those things will be like gold covered diamonds.

  55. Totally get that, but it’ll pass. It will pass when and only when it’s meant to, so don’t you dare feel bad for feeling bad, and if someone tries to guilt-trip you about that crap, you have permission to impress upon them the rudeness of their behavior, preferably by way of a clue-by-four about the head and shoulders.

  56. oww, sweetie. i SO get this post, and hope you feel more like yourself soon. i too am high on the paain meds, but mine are because i BROKE my ASS. ok, maybe not broke (didn’t pay the er because they can’t DO anything) but i fell/sat down hard on the 2×4 support on the bench seat at the restaurant…so there, snicker gently at the thought of me not being able to sit…

    and having to remain upright today as the handlyman assembles furniture for me. includig my mew bed. (platform bed with bookcase headboard ad 3 drawers on each side) bless you dear, and getle hugs to you!

  57. Jenny, I’m very sorry to hear you’re still feeling lousy. I’ve emailed you, even though I know you’re as email challenged as I am. I would like to offer any assistance that would be appropriate.

  58. After any sort of surgery people are all like “I was up and working in 2 hours”. Nope, not me. I allow 4 times as much recovery as anyone suggests.

  59. I feel for you brave lady! Mine is scheduled for July 21st. Last time I planned one surgery it ended up being 5, and several months in the hospital and at home. Counting on those good painkillers!

  60. doing the little old lady shuffle…. 🙁 Whatever you do, don’t laugh.

  61. I have no idea how you must be feeling but it sounds wretched and I’m sorry. 🙁 Sometimes stabbing someone with a fork is good for pain-relief; I have a list of names if you want to give it a try. Feel better soon! And be comforted by the fact that even in pain you make our world a little better.

  62. Years after inguinal hernia surgery (yes, women get them too; I had two) one side STILL hurts. Being repetitive, we all heal at different rates. And unless your doc thinks it’s taking too long then you are probably OK. I second Portia Scott Palco – carry a pillow around to hold over your tummy. It’s a great help.

  63. I’m so sorry! Hope you feel better soon!
    I once had to have emergency surgery because my horse fell on me, then stepped on me, and then my stupid pancreas was leaking acid everywhere. But to get to the little fucker they had to take everything else out first. I don’t remember much of my time in the ICU, only that I asked the nurse who tried to roll me onto my side to please kill me instead. I was serious, too (or as serious as you can be on a shit-ton of morphine). Why does your stupid stomach have to be in the middle of everything where you have to involve it somehow whenever you do anything at all? I don’t want to say that I’m sure it’ll get better soon, because then you might feel better about hurting, but worse about hurting. So I’ll just say: You should totally just stay in bed all day and watch Doctor Who. Have Victor bring you ice cream, too. You deserve it!

  64. Feel better soon! I just had an egd and they said I’d be fine that day bug I couldn’t eat for days. And I have a hernia, but not a who-hernia.

  65. This always happens to me – I always believe people who say this or that procedure will be practically painless, and I end up basically slain for weeks afterwards. Wisdom teeth, jaw surgery, gum graft, c-section… So you should go on feeling shitty because you hurt, but you can feel free to stop feeling shitty because you hurt.

  66. Don’t worry that you hurt. People have different pain thresh holds and one is not better than the other. I have a very high pain thresh hold which means that when I finally go to the doctor for something, it’s gotten really bad and I get in trouble for “putting things off” (when I swear, I didn’t put them off!)

    You just stay still and use this quiet time to get caught up on True Blood episodes (or somthing).

  67. I had an umbilical hernia (Belly Button Who) fixed four years ago so I didn’t want to tell you anything about it. I had three little incisions. And the pain was so MUCH MORE than they told me that I was pretty sure I was going to die from something they forgot to sew together. I couldn’t even turn over in bed and sitting up was awful – screaming helped. It takes about 10 days to begin to feel near normal again. Take all the pain pills they give you and drink lots of water. The pain pills work for pain but also mess up your colon. You have my understanding and sympathy and yes – they lied to you about the pain. Apparently none of the surgeons who do this surgery have ever HAD this surgery. Hugs to you – but just little gentle ones.

  68. all your pain sensors have been tripped, is how I think of it. Wondering if you have fibromyalgia on top of everything. Try to think of people who have it worse that you is what I do, you know, that don’t laugh at giant roosters. Hang in there.

  69. Did they give you succinylcholine? the anesthesiologist, I mean? Cuz that stuff destroyed me. Never again.

  70. Get a big ace bandage and have Victor help wrap around your belly snugly. It will help you get moving a little more quickly by stopping the jiggling of the wound. Plus a bit of light pressure helps minimize the pain for some reason. Many hugs and lots of sympathy. Poor Jenny – this just sucks!

  71. Did the put that mesh stuff over your abdominal muscles to hold everything in? Stomach muscles are attached to almost everything else. So, when they are F-ed with your body gets hulk-like angry. All the suggestions of hugging a pillow tightly when you have to laugh, sneeze etc is good advice. Nobody likes pain meds but take them. Keeping your pain in check is much easier than having to get it BACK in check if you let if get too far ahead of you. Also, a mild laxative is your friend. Rest as much as you can, make a couple laps around the house until you are feeling better and go longer. This will be a process. Oh, I almost forgot – check your temperature periodically. I am so bummed my first response to you is this and nog something witty and cool. Boo!
    Knock knock

  72. Hope you feel better soon. I’m having surgery in 6 weeks so I’ll likely be in your position soon enough. (My surgery is deviated septum, not hernia. I’m not sure what the pain difference is between those two. I just hope that it lets me actually breathe for the first time in years.)

  73. I had an umbilical hernia caused by pregnancy that was repaired during c-section. Then, very unexpectedly, I became preganat with twins which totally tore the hernia repair. Not fun. I have been putting off getting the surgery to repair it for the last year and a half (even though it’s been getting worse). Because you have bravely faced the robots to have yours repaired, I have finally made the appointment with my surgeon. Thank you, once again, for being brave enough to motivate the rest of us. I hope you have all the help you need and heal quickly.

  74. Poor Jenny! I know very much how you feel – I had a laparoscopy, a while back, for lady bit troubles and I was uncomfortable and hobbling for two weeks. 🙁

  75. I had gallbladder surgery – cried from pain and threw up and all kinds of unpleasantness. The surgeon’s staff actually laughed at me. LAUGHED. I wanted to punch them in their snarky faces. Don’t let anybody tell you how you should be feeling. They don’t live in your body.

  76. Jesus, Jenny. I sincerely hope you feel better but I just almost gave myself a hernia from laughing at what you wrote (and that hilarious gif). Geez.

  77. Jenny – I wonder if an abdominal binder would help? I had 3 abdominal surgeries in 3 days about 3 weeks ago…wow that was a lot of 3s there! I ended up with a midline incision from belly button to the top of my bikini line (just a reference point…I have never worn a bikini 😉 ) The abdominal binder just helps keep everything snugged up and totally helped with pain after the first few days. I am still wearing it to prevent hernias through the incision. Anyhoo…hope you feel better really soon! The first week is the worst, so just be kind to yourself and if it hurts, don’t do it! Sending much love, hugs, and healing thoughts, prayers, and energy to you! Hang in there…it will get better, and for those people who said you’d feel better right away…I’d punch them in the face with a stuffed beaver!

  78. A few days for a basic rip, but if I remember correctly, you had this developing for a while. So it may have been a more complicated repair than some hernia surgeries. Plus, it’s right in an active part of your body — every time you breathe it moves. A hernia sited down lower wouldn’t flex as much as what you’ve got.

    That’s enough for the logic — screw the logic. Maybe they put the chainsaws on the inside for proper aging.

  79. Glad to read you’re alive!
    Hope you feel better soon, go watch some of
    the Doctor!

  80. Our bodies and brains are so complicated and so intricate that we couldn’t possibly be able to accurately predict how long they will take to recover from any procedure. Don’t let someone else ever make you think that you have to show progress on anyone’s timeline but your own.
    Take your time recovering. Be a screamy iceberg and walk like grass grows and rest when you want and be angry or sad or frustrated or content or tired or happy or whatever you want to be.
    You will recover. In your time. No one else’s.
    And you will be okay. I promise.

  81. Makes perfect sense to me. I’m sorry this isn’t going faster for you, but what everyone else said – everybody heals at their own rate, pain meds = your mileage may vary, and remember we love you.

  82. People who say “you’ll feel great in a few days” are people trying to sell you the surgery. My anesthesiologist was great. He said, “You’ll hurt like mad for at least a week. Your brain will take longer to recover. Don’t expect to be back to normal for at least 6 weeks.” So take your time and make sure everyone waits on you!

  83. Make sure you got some strong margaritas within reach.
    Better yet, have them put it in one of those helmets with the cups and straws.

  84. I had inguinal hernia repair about 10 years ago and it took me a week to stand upright. The doc went in using my old appendectomy scar and had a jitterbug contest in there, I think.

  85. Sorry you are hurting over your hurting. Damn those early-healing people!!!

  86. Feel better soon. Also, after my hysterectomy the doctor told me to hold a pillow to my stomach. It helps your stomach muscles when you are standing and provides protection from any kamikaze pets that might want to sit in your lap. Also – if you get tired on your way anywhere – you’re prepared for a quick nap.

  87. Really feel for you! I had abdominal surgery four weeks ago. I spent two weeks with a pillow clutched to my tummy as I inched around the house to occasionally change my scenery.
    Take your time and don’t rush to recover according to someone else time schedule. All people heal differently. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

    1. Thank you for updating us even though you are both ouchy and high. That’s really above and beyond the call — you’d be perfectly entitled to just lounge around and demand more painkillers.
    2. I totally understand the difference between feeling shitty because you hurt and feeling shitty because you hurt. And I’m not even medicated right now (much).
    3. Feel better soon!
  88. I agree 100% with others who wrote to use a pillow. Gently press it against your abdomen any time you need to cough, sneeze (I hope you have ample warning), or get up/turn over. Also, don’t just sit up from a lying down position. Roll to your side, slide your legs off the bed, put your feet on the floor, then hug the pillow against your abdomen and slowly sit up. This is how I had to function after my 2 abdominal surgeries (gallbladder removal and incisional hernia repair).

  89. I had the exact same hernia repair you did. I felt better in a few days… better enough to sit up on the couch and watch boatloads of tv. and eat ice cream. and sit on the computer. I tried going to work 4 days after surgery and that lasted all of 2 hours. Feel better!!!!!

  90. So, so, so very sorry you’re hurting! I had abdominal surgery awhile back, and, OMG, trying to sit up took a herculean effort. As some folks have noted, clutching a pillow to your tummy helps – honest! Soft, gentle hugs to you.

  91. Nothing pithy or witty to add to the conversation, just feeling for you. I had a different surgery recently and I remember not really feeling decent for about 10 days even though everyone I know who’d had the same surgery said the felt better the NEXT DAY. Hope you’re feeling GREAT soon! 🙂

  92. Whatever you do, do not laugh. Absolutely no comedy channel or YouTube videos of people falling down and smashing their faces. This will add a day or two onto the healing process.

    You heard it here from Nurse Kick-ass. Feel better soon!

  93. Hey I hope you feel better soon…you are so blessed to have your family and friends to support you in your hour of need. Don’t give up. You are truly loved by a LARGE group of wacky people who see your struggle.

  94. Sorry that you’re hurting BUT YOU MADE IT.
    Treat yourself to ice-cream or something as equally delicious and we promise tom compile a list of funnies as soon as you’re well enough to giggle again x

  95. Don’t feel bad. I had a C-section with our first and couldn’t see him for 24hrs because he was in NICU and the one time I tried to stand up I almost passed out. But I get the whole screamy iceberg thing – that was me for at least a week. take it easy and catch the new season of Orange is the New Black – it’s awesome!

  96. If this isn’t a ‘real’ post, are any of our replies ‘real’ comments?

    Thanks for keeping us ‘posted’ even in your pain.
    Take all the get well time you need sweet lady!

  97. I had the same surgery 2 years ago. It definitely takes more than a few days to feel better. Getting in and out of bed was a serious challenge. Sorry you’re hurting. Feel better soon!

  98. Forget the funny endings. Laughing after abdominal surgery always makes me sure that my guts will be on the bedspread. So far, after 5 surgeries the bedspread is still relatively gut-free.

  99. I never recover when I’m supposed to either. I totally understood what you meant about feeling shitty because you hurt and feeling shitty because you hurt. I’m not medicated. Should I be worried about that fact?

  100. Everyone takes a different time to heal, because everyone’s surgery is different. Also, remember that any surgery is horribly invasive, and your body needs as much time to heal as IT needs, not how much time someone else needed. Just focus on getting lots of rest and before you know it, you’ll be as good as new!

  101. Of course you still hurt! Your innards tried to escape and they are mad that you stopped them. They are probably having riots with pitchforks and stuff in there!

  102. It’s always the worst when people tell you it won’t be that bad. I hope you are less ouchy soon and don’t have to do too much for a few days. Feel better.

  103. My cats were playing with a bat in the house last night. And it wasn’t even weird. I’m not sure what normal is anymore, but I know you’re a ray of sunshine in my life, and I really appreciate it. Thank you, Jenny. Thank you for being you.

  104. I know it’s not helpful but I had my gallbladder removed last week, 8 days ago and people made me feel this way on day three. It still hurts to move. On the upside I never felt pain in the gallbladder area. Just the four incision sites. Especially the belly button. Which now will never be the same. And my surgeon has the bedside manner of dr Frankenstein. I woke up to super glued incision sites, which I didn’t know existed. I think I prefer stitches.

  105. It’ll be a few more days, sadly. When u cut the muscle wall especially one in your abdomen it’s a long healing process since those muscles get used no matter how u move.
    Feel better, Sunshine.

  106. 🙁 I’m so sorry. If you can hold out for another 6 weeks, my homemade limoncello should be ready…which probably won’t be helpful for a HUGE variety of reasons.

  107. I’m so sorry that you feel so terrible…the painful recovery after surgery is never east. But on the bright side you could always write about it as a chapter in your new book. Though I am not sure if you are working on one. But you should be. I just read “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and I absolutely loved it. So please write another one soon so I can have something enjoyable to read. Wow, I sound pretty demanding right now. Sorry about that. When you feel better, please write another book. Thanks.
    P.S. As far as authors go, you are ah-may-zing!!!

  108. Thanks for the update. Why do they always underestimate the pain and recovery time? You would think it would be the opposite? If the doctors overestimate the pain and recovery, and the patients all feel better ahead of schedule, everyone will think they are bleeping geniuses, and get boatloads of referrals for new patients.
    Hope you are feeling better soon, because it really sucks when it hurts to laugh or sneeze.

  109. I totally just pictured your cartoon-hair-rollers on top of that kitty’s head, which made it entirely too funny. Laugh gently. Feel better soon.

  110. Get better soon! I can totally see the small screamy iceberg on hands and knees description.

    Don’t you love it when those perky people say you’ll “be up and around in no time”? Because, for me, that usually translates to “not today”, which is a lot later time than I wanted.

  111. Dude, after a day, my friend who had hernia surgery before you was all, “I don’t need pain pills, I’m fine!” I now think that he might be some sort of cyborg. Seriously… and he had a vasectomy the same day. I have to take pain pills just to get out of bed every day.

  112. I had hernia sergery today! Don’t tell me it is still gonna hurt in a week, I don’t need to hear that right now. Magic is gonna happen. Guts magic.

  113. Point of information: I googled the phrase “not a real post.” You have somewhere between 37 and 415 unreal posts on your blog. I mean, are any of them real? Is this all fake? I’m beginning to question the existence of the universe.

  114. They lied. But they didn’t mean to. In a bit when you DO feel better, the pain pills will help you to forget how much this week sucked. And then you can tell other people it’s a piece of cake.

  115. The Bionic Woman moved in slow motion too……well, okay, so that was the camera speed to capture her quickness. Actually, you’re moving faster than a cheetah running down a gazelle while you’re manuovering through your house. So there’s that.

  116. Ohhhhh…..feel better and better and better. I am sending you sparkle, happy thoughts.

  117. Give yourself a break – you just had your intestines shoved through a rip in your stomach muscles and then had those muscles artificially closed with needles and thread, or possibly staples. Anyone who says you are supposed to be better by now is either a liar, or a sadist, or possibly a lieing sadist… or a doctor who has never actually had the surgery before. On another note, get better soon because we are not sadists (probably, or most of us aren’t… err I’m willing to bet at least 30% of your fans are not sadists, probably) and we don’t want you to hurt anymore. Except for your sadist fans but clearly their assholes about the whole surgery recover issue so you shouldn’t listen to them right now anyway.

  118. I hate it when people say “oh, you’ll feel better quickly, I did!” It seemed like everyone and their neighbor told me that before I had my gall bladder out, but I was in some serious pain afterwards. It probably didn’t help that I had a baby 5 weeks earlier, but still. Everyone recovers at a different rate and we shouldn’t get people’s hopes up when their reality could be completely different! Now I just go into surgeries expecting the worst.

  119. Also I meant to say they’re assholes (the sadists). Not their assholes. Since probably the sadist fans of this blog do not have surgery on their assholes… unless maybe they’re also masochists? Also, if you could get spell check for your commenters that’d be great.

  120. Michelle,
    “You’re alive” and “This is going to pass” are two sentences that should NOT be typed right after one another. Even though true. Just saying.

  121. this is awful. I fully recommend you stay in bed and watch a few seasons of Doctor Who until you are much better. Because, after all, time heals all wounds or something and if the Doctor is a Timelord then clearly watching Doctor Who is like, chicken soup for the um, hernia wound. Or something. Whatever you do, just don’t start thinking about how that hernia may have been a dalek eye stalk while you are on funky doctor drugs.

  122. Yup. I don’t do pain. I fail to understand why doctors won’t induce comas for pain relief. I think it would be better for everyone. Feel better soon.

  123. Please don’t get down on yourself. Pain actually retards the healing process. You are in so much pain, makes me think they have under medicated you (a common problem for women). Tell the doctors to up the dose or change the medicine. Feel better soon!!

  124. So sorry you are hurting!! Hope it stops soon—like REALLY soon. So soon that you have to fake pain so everyone continues to treat you like the Queen that you are!!!

  125. Beware gas pain – they have to (forgive me) inflate the abdomen for robotic surgery. Mylicon helps.
    Hang in there 🙁 no fizzy drinks

  126. It’s not just the pain meds, I totally understood what you said about feeling shitty before you clarified it. Hope you feel better soon. My sister’s Beyoncé says cluck

  127. Gah- I had that same thing on December 19th. I thought I would die the first time I coughed, or laughed. My advice? Roll over on all fours and crawl out of bed that way. It’s not sexy, it’s not attractive- but you don’t feel like someone is slowly tearing out all your stomach muscles. You must also “stay in front of the pain.” Take those painkillers religiously. xxoo.

  128. I hope, very much, that you go from shitty on both fronts to sort of ok, quickly. or soon. or tomorrow. Really sorry for your suck.

  129. I had a resident at the hospital tell me I could go to work three days after I had a laproscopic surgery. I felt really bad that it was hard to move in bed, laugh, cough, sneeze etc. two days after surgery. I told my mom, a nurse, I was supposed to be able to go to work, and she said, “Did the doctor ask you how far you live from work? How many transfers you have in your commute? What you actually do for work? This woman knows nothing, laproscopic or not, they cut through layers of muscle, it hurts and you need to take whatever time you have to to feel better!” Anyway, that made me feel better, and I hope it makes you feel better too, I still had some pain two weeks later and my surgeon said that was totally normal. So don’t let anyone give you a time table for pain.

    Also, do you have a firm pillow you can hug when you need to move over in bed/sit up from a more prone position, sneeze, cough etc? The nurse made me one out of a couple of blankets and medical tape while I was in the hospital and it made a world of difference!!

    I really do hope you’re feeling better soon!

  130. It’s a different pain than you had, but it is still pain! Any surgery will take 4-6 wks. before you feel “NORMAL” I had my spleen out 6 wks. ago & it still feels funny. I’ve got a empty spot in my body that my innards are fighting for!! haha!

  131. Aw, don’t feel bad – different people bounce back from stuff faster or slower than others. Given all the other stuff you have going on, I don’t think it’s surprising that you might need a little extra time. Snuggle the kitties, they will help you heal. (Or at least, that’s what Margaret Atwood said in Oryx and Crake and I totally believe everything I read in dystopian fiction, Idon’tknowaboutyou.)

  132. I have what is probably a herniated disk in my lower back. After two weeks, I’m finally able to sit. Putting on pants is still, well, interesting, tho. My heavy-duty pain meds never touched what I was feeling. One of these days, I’ll suck it up and have an MRI. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and that your insides remain inside from now on.

  133. I hate that feeling (and the other one). Just tonight I was lamenting the loss of 2 months of my life “recovering” from 2 abdominal surgeries (the second—an appendectomy—just 3 weeks ago) when I realized that the alternative reality would’ve been worse. It’s not like me to look at the positive, so I’m guessing they either put something in the anesthesia or they replaced the part of my brain that has been faulty for so long. As someone else said, hug a pillow; it makes everything feel better. But don’t forget the meds. Here’s to a speedy recovery!

  134. If you’re still in pain 4 days later please call your doctor or surgeon to request different or more pain meds. Pain actually causes a stress response in your body that can slow your healing. It also just plain sucks! Hope you’re feeling better soon. – A Nursing Student

  135. Pain is all relative. I have always had a high tolerance for pain but when I got my gallbladder taken out last year (emergency surgery…mine was also trying to kill me), I couldn’t figure out why I was hurting so bad. They gave me more and more drugs but it just resulted in increased loopyness and no decrease in pain.

    A few months after the surgery, I told my shrink about it. He said, “So…um…how was the pain?”. I said it sucked ass and was very painful and that I had become seriously wimpy because they kept giving me higher and higher doses of stuff and trying stronger and stronger drugs and nothing helped.

    He then reminded me of a medication he prescribes me for one of my myriad of aliments. The fucker blocks opioids so they don’t freaking work. I told every damn person in the hospital what meds I was on but no one caught it. Since then, he has given me a medical bracelet saying that traditional pain meds won’t work. Nice timing asshole. But, on the upside, I guess I do still have a high pain tolerance. You take your time Jenny Jenny Bo Benny. We are all out here loving you and sending you positive ju ju.

  136. I hope you feel much better soon, Jenny. Meanwhile, I hope you are well enough to read books, watch movies, or do whatever you need to heal. I’ve heard that cats’ purring is therapeutic, so maybe one of your kitties can cuddle up close to you. I know that would make me feel better.

  137. I totally understood the difference between the 2 feeling shitty because you hurts … I’m not on any pain killers right now. That should worry me, shouldn’t it?

  138. Had my gall bladder out a couple of years ago and people told me the same thing. “It’s just a couple of holes – no incision – you should be able to get to work the next day.” So I did…go to work the next day. BIG mistake. It was all I could do to get myself home and in bed. I was home for a week and felt hurty and awful and pain killer dazed. I felt like a wimp because I wasn’t OK. Then I decided to tell the all to fuck off. I felt much better after that. Heal at your own pace. Don’t rush it. You will be fine…you just aren’t yet! Sending internet hugs.

  139. I’m sorry you’re hurting, but very glad that you survived! I’ve had many surgeries, and my best advice (should you want it, maybe you’ve had a deluge of advice for getting better and are about to scream) is to put your pain pills on your nightstand with your phone, a bottle of water, and a roll of crackers. Every time you take a pill, you set your phone’s alarm for the next time you need to take it. If it’s the middle of the night (or no one wants/is able to bring you a food) you’ll be glad you have the crackers. Water bottles don’t spill all over your phone and carpet like glasses of water can. 🙂 I hope you feel better soon!

  140. “You’ll feel better in no time” is just like when people say “sleep when the baby sleeps”. People forget what it is like after the pain has passed for them. It’s also a little bit so that you won’t be afraid and will actually go through with the surgery (or pregnancy).

  141. Oh, Jenny, I’m so sorry. They’ve told me that be for too. “It’s only Laproscopic” sure.
    That’s where they rip all of your abdominal tissues away from each other so they see & pretend you’ve ONLY got a small incision to worry about. You’ll get through this, just take care of yourself & cry as much as you need to!
    Hugs (very Gentle hugs) to you. More pain pills!

  142. Feel better soon! My knee surgery when I was 13 was like that – I eventually ditched the crutches because, although it hurt more, I had to get to the bathroom because the bladder wouldn’t wait! Just don’t have someone drop a napkin and ask for a new “sanitary napkin.”

  143. If that gif is you, make Victor turn the sink off and on as many times as you please. AS MANY TIMES AS YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE! Feel better 🙂

  144. I hope you feel better! Make a Doctor Who marathon on the couch is a better idea than creeping around the house?

  145. Some very good advice here, especially from L Burchard, number 65. As I’m waaay down here around 200, I don’t know if you will see my addition, so I hope this is all stuff you already know and don’t need:

    Your pain meds are probably C2s prescribed in small quantities. When you need refills, you can’t just have the doctor’s office phone or fax a new scrip to your pharmacy as with other prescription medication—someone must physically go down to the doctor’s office to pick it up and bring it to the pharmacy, or the doctor’s office must snail mail a hard copy to the pharmacy. My point being, it takes considerable time and effort to get more. Pay attention to how many doses you have left—running out of pain meds at 2:00 AM on a Saturday is not an option.

    As others have said, do keep to a pain med sched. It’s easier to stay on top of pain than to regain control of it. Do get some Miralax and use it. I was kind of horrified of putting that stuff in my mouth, and delighted to find that it just completely disappears in whatever liquid you stir it into.

    You know you must eat quality food in order to heal quickly. If food does not appeal right now, I’ve found that strong flavors help—tart rhubarb or cranberry, sharp horseradish, a little bit of Sriracha—like that.

    Take care lovely lady.

  146. Wow, they are not giving you the good drugs. Maybe you should talk to your doctor. Also, holding a pillow to your abdomen helps, if only to reassure you that your guts are not going to pop out. (My surgery was for a bad gallbladder and obstructed bile duct. Pillows are great.) Don’t let he cats bounce on your stomach. HUGS!

  147. The walk around holding a pillow firmly against your abdomen advice is good advice. I had belly button hernia surgery this past December. It is also vital in case of sneezes, coughs, and accidental laughter. Best wishes for a swift and full recovery. Gentle hugs.

  148. Sending you hugs (gentle ones that don’t squish hernias). Be kind to yourself, and make sure Victor is waiting on you hand & foot.

  149. I’m a trauma specialist, and often work with patients, post surgery. Hernia surgery has a somewhat high rate of post operative pain: It’s all about the mesh.

    1)The mesh can tangle around nerves creating mild to severe pain.
    2) The mesh can compress areas that cause significant discomfort.
    3) The mesh can inflame the tender areas of muscles and tissue to cause an infection.

    I’d definitely contact your surgeon immediately to talk about your experiences. As others have mentioned, keep a dose schedule, hold a pillow when you walk or bend, keep yourself fibered up to help your digestive tract, and stay hydrated.

    Ask for stronger pain medications, a dose that will not have you chasing your pain level all day long. Also, if an post operative antibiotic hasn’t been suggested, you may want to talk to your surgeon about that. Some docs here in NY prescribe them regularly with hernia patients.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery

  150. You’ll get better in your own damn time! I know how awful it can be, just take it SUPER easy.

    Back in 2011 my right ovary decided hey, I’m sick of being the size of an almond, I’ma grow a fucking cyst the size of a grapefruit INSIDE me! Well they had to take that thing out whole in case it was cancerous, so they had to open me from hip to hip to get it out. Single most painful thing I’ve ever been through, but in a few weeks I could move for a little bit again and after a lot longer I’m back to normal!

    Well, not now. Now I’m 21 weeks pregnant and feel like a fat version of those figure heads on ships. Wooshing around belly first.

    Anyway, I hope you feel better soon! (^_^)

  151. I have had a complication with my hernia surgery. The guts magic didn’t happen. 🙁

    I don’t think I believe in the guts fairy anymore. 🙁

  152. Damn wordpress for giving me emoticons! |:

    I swear an emoticon is the shitty version of the smiley. I hate having to use them backwards.

  153. @ Maggie 181 I’m so sorry! My husband had something similar — he donated a kidney to his Mom (yay it worked), and he started running a fever in reaction to the morphine. For some assinine reason they put him on oral pain meds — and then kept telling him he shouldn’t be in such pain, pretty much implying he was lying to hoard & abuse or sell the oxycodone.
    They discharged him from the hospital as soon as his (pardon the TMI) insides started to push again. And then he went loopy.
    Turns out oxycodone won’t work unless your insides do. I blame teaching hospital.

  154. That kittie is beautiful, and so are you! I hope you feel better soon Jenny!

  155. Everyone heals at their own pace. Don’t beat yourself up for not feeling better sooner. Take your time. Hugs.

  156. just wanted to say, get well soon! and also, have your bowels been moving normally? hopefully they covered this, but if they did NOT give you any anti-constipation meds, GET SOME YESTERDAY.

    tmi warning: i had an emergency c/s, and (for me) the incision wasn’t painful at all. what was painful was carrying around 4+ days of poop inside! they did not give me anti-constipation meds, and as a result it took me nearly 2 weeks to feel close to normal again

  157. Sincere best wishes for a speedy, jostle-free journey back to normal. In the meantime, if you need any help moving giant metal chickens, just ask.

  158. If you weren’t so ouchy and high you’d realise that was a funny ending – kitty gif made my night. Glad you’re still alive, get less ouchy soon. xx

  159. Get all of the pity out of this that you can! You certainly can’t vacuum, do laundry, life anything, or move therefore you must rest, rest, rest on the couch!

  160. This is designated lieonthecouchandwatchstupidmovies time. Stay on top of the pain meds and enjoy it as best as you can. I’m 8 days out from having wisdom teeth pulled. Not only am I significantly dumber — it hurts like hell.

  161. You need to use a rolling office chair! I did that when I had my surgery. Great for getting from the couch to the bathroom or kitchen. No so great for stairs though. Oh, and Ferris Mewler will learn to move out of the way! LOL

  162. Being an iceberg works, as long as you avoid passenger steamers traveling late at night. So, for you, that’s like a chair with army men on it. Get well, soon.

  163. I can’t tell you anything about the pain. I was in a coma for 9 days after my hernia surgery and by the time I was back to normal mentally, my incision was healed. I don’t remember diddly! I did lose my belly button, tho. Hope you feel better soon!

  164. Screamy Icebergs is a kickass name for a rockband – just sayin’. Just Sayin’ might also be a great name for Screamy Iceberg’s opening act.

  165. @Ll Laura – Lost Belly Buttons is another good RB name, as is Nine Day Coma.

  166. See, that’s why a dog is great, ’cause they can get you stuff, and I’ve trained my dog to help me with mobility assistance. It mostly had to do with my migraines, but her assistance has come in handy with the ankle I almost broke. They’re also not so great, because they stomp on you accidentally while “trying to make you feel better”. Ah well.

    Feel better soon!

  167. Been there; done that. It takes quite awhile to feel better. The pillow-hugging is a good idea.

  168. Mindless romcoms are a good antidote to pain–particularly b/c they hardly ever really make anyone laugh. So no pain from the wrenching up & down motion. Feel better soon!

  169. That’s exactly what happened to me when I had my wisdom tooth out. People said it would only hurt a couple of days, and I was eating painkillers like candy for weeks because it was so bad. I totally get the difference between the sentences. I hope you get to feeling better soon!

  170. Aw, poor little bunny. Splint your tummy with a pillow before you do anything ouchie (like laughing or sneezing…..pretty much duct tape that sucker to your middle). This too shall pass…..better splint that tummy for things that pass, too. You’ll feel much better soon…..honest.

  171. I had a baby on Friday. I’m pretty sure you are in MUCH worse shape than I am, plus you didn’t get to take anything cool (except photos, and I got photos too) home with you. That doesn’t seem right. Although I’m not sure what you’d do with a hernia even if you could get it in a take-home bag.
    I’m not a doctor.

    Louise Curtis

  172. So I’ve now made three people start laughing uncontrollably just by betting them they couldn’t look at the cat picture in this blog without laughing… Thanks Jenny =)

  173. My munchkin had that surgery. She was still very little at the time however and therefore she recovered much faster. In other news, water is still wet.

  174. That’s not a cross, it’s a scimitar. Which is obvious, visual, photographic proof that you are Awesome! And that you have a concealed weapon. …Very concealed. Actually, it’s too bad they didn’t go in through your belly button. They could’ve made a way for you to draw it.

  175. My sister had the same surgery and it took her awhile to feel somewhat normal. Hope you feel better soon!!!! And that the robot didn’t leave any spiders!!! 🙂

  176. My brother had the same surgery (and he is not a whiny person at all) and it took him a good couple of weeks to feel anywhere close to good. Sending healing thoughts!

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