Your essence is DELICIOUS.

Conversation at an estate sale filled with extremely questionable things:

Me:  I’m pretty sure I need this doll.

It's like "Eyes Without a Face," except just the opposite.
It’s like that song “Eyes Without a Face,” except just the opposite.

Victor:  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  All of my nopes.

me:  Sir, how much is the doll with no eyeballs?

Estate sale guy: It’s $75.

me: Seems pricey.  But, hang on…does that include all the human souls trapped inside it? Because that might actually be a good value.

Estate sale guy:   It comes with an extra set of doll clothes.

Victor: Does it also come with an exorcism?

Guy:  It’s real old.  They don’t make ’em like that anymore.

Victor: Well, thank God for that.

Victor said I couldn’t bring her home even though I tried to show him how lovely she was:

"Give us a cuddle.  And some blood."
“Give us a cuddle. And some blood.”

Then Victor made me put her down, but when I went in the next room I found another doll and I was like, “I felt sad for a doll with no eyes until I met a doll with no arms”.

This is where I would put a picture of the doll and her missing arms, but I think it cursed my phone because all I can find is a picture of her face:

"Aaahhhh."
“Come closer.  I can smell your marrow from here.”

Victor:  SERIOUSLY?  Did Satan’s grandma live here?

me:  They probably removed her arms to keep her from smothering people during the night.  Now she can only hug you with her teeth.

And then Victor made me leave.

But not before I bought an antique book for a dollar:

I would have thought the list would be longerHonestly, I would have expected it to be longer.

267 thoughts on “Your essence is DELICIOUS.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I NEED that book! I’m doing a piece on “Slut” next week at Greetings From Queer Mountain and could really use some historical perspective.

  2. So, the dolls are definitely awesome, and Victor can be mean sometimes. But that book literally made me exclaim, “Oh my goodness!” That is a fantastic find. Totally jealous.

  3. Famous Hussies of History is as awesome as Bad Girls of the Bible, which I own (although I don’t know how it got on my shelf, I swear). I can lend it to you. To compare and contrast. Secular vs. sacred sluts. There’s alliteration and everything. It’s a blog post or a dissertation waiting to happen.

  4. You would have loved the class I took in college, “Patriarchs, Prostitutes & Profits”. Complete with the professor announcing, “we’re going to go to whores.”

  5. And people today get anxious about the effects on kids of playing with Barbies. I think it’s more worrying that there are people around today who slept with these dolls. Grandmothers! People you leave your own children with…

  6. Good lord, those are disturbing to look at. Dolls are placed in the same category as clowns and harlequin masks for me, in that they fill me with a terror so profound that I wonder how any person could have ever given them to a child with the intention of bringing joy.

  7. Holy shit those dolls are creepy. I have a masters degree in the history of sexuality so I feel like it is my duty to find that book. I love to read about old timey sluts!

  8. It’s odd how dolls make you realize things that go bump in the night are made of porcelain and evil.

  9. Oh, the laughs! Were they famous for being Hussies or Hussies who happened to be famous? Sounds like it should be an episode of Drunk History.

  10. If you wanted a signed copy of Haunted Stuff: Demonic Dolls, Screaming Skulls, and Other Creepy Collectibles, you could have just said so. 😉

    Creepy dolls are my thang. Not to be confused with my thing — which is a whole other blog post entirely and requires a physician’s note.

  11. Ok first, those dolls will haunt my dreams but I too would totally want to own them. Secondly, I must know what the criteria for being a hussy is/was in history. What line must a well-bred lady cross to be deemed a Hussy? And is this book written by a man or woman because I feel like the line would be drawn at different proximities to freaky depending on the gender of the judge.

  12. Porcelain dolls are creepy as hell. Even the “pretty” ones. I’m with Victor on this one, which is almost as scary as the dolls.

  13. 2 things:
    1) I really think we should cut the dolls a bit of slack, it’s kinda sad – I mean, clearly, either eyeless doll has to cut her own hair now that no arm doll well, has no arms, or no arms has to chew the hair off with those teeth. Same results either way.
    2) I’m sure it’s just the lighting, but in the ‘lovely’ (by lovely, I mean creepy) cuddle-me picture with eyeless doll, it really looks like little nubs on your forehead exactly where horns would be…

  14. If that doll with no arms turns up in any of my dreams I’ll blame you. Totally understand Victor’s reluctance to adopt it. And now I want to know who the famous hussies of history are!

  15. Dolls, like children, ARE CREEPY AS FUCK. #TeamVictor You know that’s what all of the horror stories are made of, right? FOR REASONS. 🙂 But excellent book find.
    P.S. The dolls would’ve eaten your taxidermies and then your faces.

  16. I like to take pictures of horrible dolls and text them to my brother. Never found a cannibal, though–that armless one is some next level horror.

  17. I’d be worried about the doll that’s being cobbled from all the missing parts. It’s probably in your car trunk.

  18. See, dolls don’t really scare me. I kinda think these two are kind of awesome. The first one especially so.

    Like they could be the main bad guys in a tv show or book series or something. Because really, who expects the doll to be the murderer? And then like the main good guy could be some crazy toy store owner and a geeky priest who team up and go around trying to stop inanimate objects from killing people.


    I think I’ve had too much caffeine today.

  19. One of my best friends has parents who own an antique store in Brady, TX. I really want to share this with her because I know she’d love it… but we’re in the middle of 2 weeks of budget hell at work and if I get her started here now, she may well spend the rest of that 2 weeks reading every post ever. And then her budget won’t get done. And then she’ll get fired and I’ll feel bad and I’ll miss her. I wouldn’t want to burden you with that. I’ll just have to wait for next weekend and hope I remember.

    (Is it the antique store with the two-headed baby skeleton and the birthing table? ~ Jenny)

  20. Have to agree with Victor on this one — those dolls are cree-pee! I don’t think I could sleep at night knowing that one doll was NOT watching my every move (but yet sucking in my soul through her hollow eyes). oo eee ee ooo <–attempt at scary Halloween ghost sound

  21. This, is the first time I’ve actually actively gone out of my way to NOT read your post. Yay for my utter fear of porcelain dolls.

  22. OMG…sharing this on my girlfriend’s FB wall immediately!! I collect vintage Rushton dolls, which she makes me keep in a giant Rubbermaid container in the closet because she swears they come to life at night. Once she sees Mrs. Toothy up there, maybe she’ll realize mine are really little angels and release them from their prison. Or, maybe I could just threaten to start bringing home dolls like Toothy and the Eyeless Wonder… hmmmm.

  23. Can’t help but think of the poor elf on Rudolf that wanted to make dolls with teeth. He was clearly disturbed,

  24. All I ever find at estate sales are crock pots with food still in them and decades old jars of peanut butter. Texas does everything better.

  25. I once borrowed ahemstoleahem a book from a 90 year old pastor’s library entitled, “social abominations” and included a whole chapter about how letting your little girls play “ring around the rosy” leads to wait for it DANCING!!! I meant to return it, but he died.

  26. LISTEN TO VICTOR ON THIS ONE!!
    Creepy Dolls – *EGADS Did you never see Twilight Zone or any of those other 1960s shows with creepy-dolls?? Do NOT go there!
    Would you buy a symbols-clapping mechanical monkey? A PennyWise doll??
    Did we learn nothing from Stephen King?!?

    • -Egads ~ a very archaic exclamation = to todays OMFG -NO!!
  27. Jenny, you can have ALL of my old porcelain dolls. I keep them in a box in the attic. But you must promise to only use them for evil. Like scaring your cats.

  28. I had the ultimate long day and your post saved it from being a wasted one. Keep doing that. [deleted smiley face, too… odd]

  29. Jenny,you are the best! I read this out loud to my husband and I almost fell off the couch, I was laughing so hard. Please write a blog about the hussies. I feel a certain connection with them already.

  30. Horrifying! The second doll’s teeth are like serrated knives! WTF? “Come and play with us, Jenny!” “I’m a real girl!” Aaaaaaaaah!

    I will nightmares because of this post. What’s it called when you have an irrational fear of dolls coming to life? Because I have that.

  31. You must read “Doll Bones” by Holly Black…it’s a children’s book, but read it before you share it with your daughter. It might be too creepy for her.

  32. Okay. The teeth on the doll with no arms freak me out. Did she gnaw her arms off? Or just one at first so maybe she could sharpen those teeth on the bone of said gnawed off arm. Either way, I think Victor was right on this one. And please and thank you for quotes from the book!

  33. Masterfully crafted blog. Doll with no eyes and great laughs…then…THE TEETH DOLL! her pathetic, weird face. The outsized painted lashes. I was howling! You can’t be serious about the arms, because any other shortcomings pale in comparison to her incomparable face.

  34. Can I borrow your book? I really, really need to read tat book, and not just a passing fancy, a real bone deep need. I figure anyone who can be labeled both Famous and a Hussie there is a really good story there. Is it in the public domain? Can you scan it for Gutenberg or something?

  35. OMG!! I NEED you to be my BFF!! Just imagining the shopping adventures makes me giggle. I freaking adore weird, freaky stuff, but you can find some really scary shit!

  36. The doll with no eyes is really kinda lovely. The fang face is a nightmare. Imagine what little girl played with that thing. Wonder who she was and what she grew up to be like. I mean, Gawd, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane much?

  37. My grandmother used to try and get me to play with dolls. I always refused. Even as a toddler I knew dolls were soul-stealing Satan-spawn.

    That first soul-stealing Satan-spawn does have neat hair though. 10 bucks says it’s human.

  38. I’m with Victor on thus one, dolls are just freakin’ creepy. Like dude-in-a-dirty-clown-suit-at-1-AM creepy.

    But that book is fabulous.

  39. I agree with smithshack71: the doll with no eyes has a very pretty face. You just have to get past the soullessness of having black holes for eyes.

  40. Holy cow, you are the fiesta person alive. I love your humor, you crack me up every time! Keep on writing!

  41. Um, those dolls are totally creepy. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if they were in my house. Books are much better! BTW – who made the list of hussies?

  42. I am crying from laughing — that had to be the most messed-up estate sale ever… or are they all like that? Should I start going to estate sales???

  43. OMG. Just saw the preview for Annabelle….Victor is soo right to not want the evil dolls in the house!!!

  44. did you see if the dolls were of value? sometimes the older dolls like that hold a high market value..

  45. If I ever find a girl who can return my banter like you describe you and Victor doing here, I’ll know I’ve found my soulmate.
    Those dolls are awesome in the creepiest way, or creepy in the most awesome way, I’m not sure which.
    And yes, it’s time for Drunk Book Reports, and I nominate Famous Hussies of History.

  46. My mom has a doll that’s well over 100 years old in her guest bedroom. It has human hair. I had a dream one night that it was choking me and when I managed to wake myself up my dog was at the end of the bed growling directly at the doll. Not even kidding. I don’t believe in anything supernatural but I know that doll collects souls. I am 32 and I made my mom put it in the attic before I would sleep in that guest room again. One day I have to inherit that evil thing because it belonged to my great grandmother and my mother is named after the DOLL!

  47. Strangely enough the one without eyes doesn’t even phase me but Ms. Creepy Von Fangerton… yeah she may just give me nightmares.

  48. See, this is the problem in my life. Wolf won’t take me to estate sales w/possessed dolls.

    I wonder if those are real teeth? Like…baby teeth? From babies?

  49. Baby teeth, that have been sharpened into points.

    Who the heck comes up w/this crap? And why didn’t someone bury it in the back yard? Fear of doll zombies?

    Ok, I get that. That makes sense.

    And I’ll never again sleep w/out a hockey stick by the bed. Ever.

  50. I’m quite sure those dolls are the sorts like that Twilight Zone episode. “I’m going to kill you.”

    I don’t think I could sleep in the same house with them, unless they were chained up in a box that was chained into a bigger box and then encased in concrete.

    And then chained up and put into yet a bigger box.

  51. See, I used to find shit like this when I would go to antique dealers in Georgia. My husband wouldn’t let me buy anything either. However, if I were you, I would check to see if my soul was intact after encountering these dolls. Great find on the book, however!

  52. Dolls are creepy – even when I was little they were creepy. No. Never. What is wrong with you? Dolls are creepy – repeat this to yourself. Often. Victor deserves a medal for “understanding” you. (You probably deserve a medal for “knowing” him as well. That would be a successful marriage! Keep it weird!) Like I had to say the last part.

  53. …and then the dolls became characters on American Horror Story and Victor was cross about not seeing the obvious bargain that comes with a doll with a soul trapped inside.

  54. This made me laugh so hard! I wouldn’t want them in my house… But I fully support your need for them! If I find a soul sucking doll in any antique stores near me I’m totally sending one to you 🙂 Then you’ll have to take it and Victor can’t say no! 😀

  55. Those dolls came straight from Doctor Who but I just can’t remember which episode. Maybe all of them!

  56. Jesus, I could barely read your post what with all the agonizing screams coming from inside of those dolls. Thanks for the nightmares.

  57. Victor, in the case, gets all of my nopes, and a half dozen of my sister’s “aw HELLLLLLL no!”s. If I had any holy water left from Fr. Ladd’s officiant days I would send him a bottle. Perhaps there is a protection talisman somewhere… I’ll research. There has to be a patron saint to protect against dolls becoming animated.

  58. “(Is it the antique store with the two-headed baby skeleton and the birthing table? ~ Jenny)”

    I sure hope not, because if they have such wonders and she hasn’t told me I’m going to have to rethink our friendship. I know they do have a 1960ish CPR training dummy. And an accompanying medical exam table. And until recently, a human skull that she swears they had nothing to do with the decapitation of. I haven’t been there myself yet since friend and I both live in Arkansas, but it’s in the cards soon.

  59. Those dolls belong face down in a closet under heavy things, so that they don’t eat someone’s face at night.

  60. Hey Jenny — here’s the theme song for those two dolls. Victor is totally a wuss for not letting you have one or both of them.

  61. I collected porcelain dolls as a kid, but it wasn’t my idea. It was one of those things where other people noticed I had one(it was a gift) and decided that I must love them and want more. They scared the crap out of me. I would always make sure they were facing the wall so their creepy vacant eyes weren’t staring at me. But sometimes my mother would randomly decide to dust things in my room and turn them back around, and I wouldn’t notice they were moved until after I was in bed. It didn’t help that we lived in a creepy old farm house, which had mice that liked running around inside the walls at night, making horrifying skittering sounds. shudder

  62. I wish I could post a picture here! I recently found a doll at a local antique mall that looks exactly like a young female Steve Buscemi. Very disturbing! I wanted to add her to my collection of altered dolls which include zombie babies,young vampiresses and demon clowns, but couldn’t bring myself to shell out the $30. Looks like that was a bargain compared to your soul stealing darling!

  63. You should have brought both of them, taken them home and carried out an exorcism, followed by a ritual burning of the dolls. It would have been for the benefit of humanity.
    Also, we need extracts from that book.

  64. I had just read about Robert the doll yesterday which while not porcelain is frightening. And I do find these frightening as well. Would gladly give Victor more nopes. But, you really scored on the book!

  65. So sad that Victor doesn’t get the creepy-doll obsession. I woulda bought both dolls and set them so that they were constantly staring at us sleeping.

  66. I read this last night while I was at work and all I could think of is that movie Annabelle that is coming out. I have to walk 2km across a steel mill which wasn’t running 3 times without freaking out that a doll was going to come kill me.

  67. I hope my husband and I are rich enough to have an estate sale one day. The questionable things they will find! From my book collection alone, one could question my morals. Too bad I won’t be around to enjoy the reactions.

  68. I used to collect porcelain dolls, but they were NEVER that freaky (Seriously. What’s with the werewolf teeth on the no-armed doll?).

  69. Now that was an entirely satisfactory (and terrifying) estate sale. “All of my nopes” made me laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing, and now I hope I can put the faces of those dolls out of my mind before I go to bed tonight. (And wouldn’t they be perfect in a Doctor Who episode?)

  70. Nononononononononononononononononononononononononononono! runs away from the computer with flailing Kermit the Frog arms, screaming in terror

  71. At first when I saw the third picture, I thought that doll had a piece of salami on her head. I’m not sure if that made it more or less creepy.

  72. My husband is in the Navy and every time he leaves for a deployment, these are the things I can’t look at it! I only have irrational fears. House getting broken into? That will never happen! Running out of gas? Also, a non-occurrence. Dolls eating my soul in the middle of the night? ONLY A MATTER OF WHEN!!!!

  73. Sometimes I get a little miffed at Victor and his pessimism. Soul eating dolls? I mean come on. What could go wrong there?

  74. I’m with Victor on this one. No way on God’s good green earth should that doll be allowed into anyone’s house.

  75. That first one looks like a Madame Alexander doll. I have collected them since I was four but all of mine have eyes. And no teeth. Dolls and clowns should never have teeth. NEVER EVER!

  76. OMG! I’m so in love with you! You make me laugh every time I read your Blog. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

  77. You can tell that the second doll is a hussy by how she puts on her lipstick….which is the same way I put on mine…………wait…….oh yeah…..I’m a hussy too 🙂

  78. Jami – Word may have already reached you but a reprint of the book “Famous Hussies of History” is available from Amazon. The women included are:
    Lola Montez
    Ninon De L’Enclos
    Peg Woffington
    Helen of Troy
    Madame Jumel
    Adrienne Lecouvreur
    Cleopatra
    George Sand
    Madame Du Barry
    Lady Blessington
    Madame Recamie
    Lady Hamilton

  79. It appears that the second doll may have had a bad crown job on those teeth. I’m trying to be sympathetic.

  80. Porcelain dolls have never scared me until just now. Thanks for the nightmarish pics. Channing Tatum was just on Ellen this week and she was torturing him with some porcelain dolls that look like angels compared to these. You should really send her these pics so she can share with him:).

  81. I would really like to have met the family that lived there. All though I have to agree that I bet they live on trapped in little miss can’t-keep-her-eyes-on-the-prize. I also would like to meet whoever created that second doll and question the thought process of “you know what she needs? The world’s creepiest eyelashes. YES NAILED IT.”

  82. Oh My God. I just laughed so hard that I cried. Victor with all of his nopes and then that doll with the creepy teeth…. I love you Jenny!!! Thank you for making my Friday!

  83. I swear — if you look at the picture of the eyeless doll for long enough, you can actually feel your soul getting sucked out of your body, through the screen, and into those eye holes. Or is that just me?

  84. PS. I think I need to move to Texas. You guys just seem to have the most kickass thrift store, flea market, rummage/estate sale stuff on the planet.

  85. I just love Victor’s response of “Well thank God for that.” My step sister had a collection of dolls and they seriously creep-ed me out. I actually insisted that I sleep in the basement so I didn’t have them watching me all night when I visited each summer. THE BASEMENT!!!

  86. I think those dolls join self-esteem shark in saying “Faces are delicious and high in protein.” Also Coulton’s Creepy Doll song. And I hope they didn’t kill and eat all the famous hussies.

  87. Were there any good excerpts from the book that you could write a blog post about?? I’d totally read the book!

  88. You have an amazing gift of finding incredible/horrifying/hilarious items at random places. If I lived in Texas I would bring you shopping with me. Love it!!!

  89. There is a Victorian house in Ann Arbor, MI, with one of those octagonal towers on it, and they’ve put china dolls in the top floor windows where they can stare down at passers-by with their dead, soul-sucking eyes…I lived there for a year before I noticed, and the first time I did I almost screamed! Thank you for bringing back that terrifying memory!

  90. I am seriously wondering what is wrong with Victor that he does not see the value of such items as a doll with no eyeballs. The possibilities are just endless with that one.

  91. I read this to my boyfriend and concluded with the question, “Do you see why I like her so much?” He replied, “Yes. She’s YOU … just with a blog.”

    LMAO!!!!!

  92. OMG Girl you’ve done it again. LMAO !!! A doll with no eyes. (I really think she belongs with you, though.) Then, the doll with teeth. I was just saying EEWW to the teeth when I read the caption. That was when I laughed my a– off. My ribs will be sore tomorrow. Thanks for the laughs and keep them coming. Sue A

  93. Ok- so why does the soul sucking eyeless doll have all that dried snot around her nose? Was she unable to find a tissue due to her lack of eyes? It may be poor doll etiquette for me to point that out, but it was the first thing I noticed- even before the lack of eyes. And I have two kids, so it’s not like snot really gets to me either. LOVE Victors “all my nopes.”!!!

  94. Ha! I can’t wait to show my daughter those creepy dolls before bed…then leave cryptic message in crayon around her room. She is gonna freak!

  95. This seems a fitting time to tell you that I learned of your book, & this found your blog, after my friend bought your book at an estate sale. I had it half read after staying at her house one night.

  96. This post just made me smile. Thanks, I needed that. I have been depressed for weeks, (still am) but every ounce of levity I can muster is greatly appreciated right now.

  97. I think I saw a movie coming out soon staring that first doll you took a photo of. They keep showing previews on commercials, where a mother is told to “SAVE YOUR FAMILY!” And I am almost positive it’s that doll laying in the crib where the mom’s baby was suppose to be. Hard to tell thou for sure cause my 19 year old and I cover our eyes with the blanket every time it comes on.
    Now that book is a great find!

  98. Estate sales are The Best!! However when my mom goes with me she tends to get creeped out even without stuff like those dolls. I think she’s convinced that someone died violently at any house having an estate sale.

  99. Terrifying!

    Honestly, I may never sleep again!

    Can’t you just listen to poor Victor once?! All of his “nopes” sometimes are right!
    (Agree with commenter above that Victor’s nope quote needs to be on a poster or T-shirt!)

  100. I agree with Suzanne at #229. A poster,mug or t-shirt. Maybe a box of little nopes bookended top and bottom with ALL OF MY NOPES.

  101. Frighteningly the doll with eyes is WAY WAY creepier than the eyes without a face doll. Jesus, where do you find these places?

  102. I once lived with a woman who had a doll collection in her room. They were arranged in a corner, with the largest in the back, like a creepy little audience watching us as we slept. After a while, I didn’t even notice them any more, but they did give me nightmares at first.

  103. If Victor needs counselling after having to be judged silently by those freakish dolls I can pass on the number for a guy I was talking to last year. He’s in Australia but it would be worth the trip if he enjoys not having a debilitating fear of dolls for the rest of his life _

  104. I bet those dolls come with their own horror movie too. Maybe the price is so high because your return investment includes the profit that comes from all the teenage couples that sneak into the theatre to see the movie their mom said they couldn’t and it’s their first act of rebellion.

  105. I actually can’t decide which is creepier….both are scary as FUCK….but I want to buy them and leave them on the side of the road in an abandoned baby carriage or in a deserted building.

  106. Can I borrow your book to see if some members of my family are in it? My grandparent’s wedding announcement described my grandfather as “an industrious young farmer” and said about my grandmother, “who, as everyone knows, is a VERY POPULAR young lady.” I think Grandma might be in that book.

  107. Okay see now, that is a nopedoll, from the notachanceinhell store down on thisiswherewekeepyoursouls avenue.

  108. I am now going to have nightmares about the doll with no eyes and the little toothy bitch. Why do I keep coming back here?

  109. Just read this yesterday in A Storm of Swords (Game of Thrones Book 3) and had to return to this post to relate it: “At the center of the Plaza of Pride stood a red brick fountain whose waters smelled of brimstone, and in the center of the fountain a monstrous harpy made of hammered bronze. Twenty feet tall she reared. She had a woman’s face, with gilded hair, ivory eyes, and POINTED IVORY TEETH. Water gushed yellow from her heavy breasts. But IN PLACE OF ARMS, she had the wings of a bat or a dragon, her legs were the legs of an eagle, and behind she wore a scorpion’s curled and venomous tail.” (p. 311 in my edition). I think what you found there was a baby harpy. Or a baby doll for harpies. Or something like that.

  110. I am laughing hysterically (tears streaming down my face) while reading this gem. I cannot control my hysterics and subsequently wake up every member of my household. Pure Gold! Bless Victor and all of his Nopes. Thank you Jenny.

  111. Tears flowed reading this. Now here is a strange story, when I was a little girl there was a very old woman that lived down the street in a really tiny 2 bedroom house and “every” room had shelves of old porcelain dolls ceiling to floor and she wore makeup and did up her hair in curls that made her look like a doll herself. Now here is an even stranger thing, I used to go down and sit and visit with her and her dolls and I liked it.

  112. I have read this at least six times and it still makes me cry with laughter. My sides now have permanent pains, but I still think you’re wonderful.

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