Conversation at an estate sale filled with extremely questionable things:
Me: I’m pretty sure I need this doll.
Victor: Nope. Nope. Nope. All of my nopes.
me: Sir, how much is the doll with no eyeballs?
Estate sale guy: It’s $75.
me: Seems pricey. But, hang on…does that include all the human souls trapped inside it? Because that might actually be a good value.
Estate sale guy: It comes with an extra set of doll clothes.
Victor: Does it also come with an exorcism?
Guy: It’s real old. They don’t make ’em like that anymore.
Victor: Well, thank God for that.
Victor said I couldn’t bring her home even though I tried to show him how lovely she was:
Then Victor made me put her down, but when I went in the next room I found another doll and I was like, “I felt sad for a doll with no eyes until I met a doll with no arms”.
This is where I would put a picture of the doll and her missing arms, but I think it cursed my phone because all I can find is a picture of her face:
Victor: SERIOUSLY? Did Satan’s grandma live here?
me: They probably removed her arms to keep her from smothering people during the night. Now she can only hug you with her teeth.
And then Victor made me leave.
But not before I bought an antique book for a dollar:
267 thoughts on “Your essence is DELICIOUS.”
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Wow those dolls would totally give me nightmares! But the book is awesome…perhaps you can put quotes up on your blog??
Channing Tatum admitted his greatest fear yesterday on Ellen. He’s afraid of porcelain dolls….
Even through the pictures I could feel those dolls eating my soul.
“And there’s a creepy doll… that always follows you…”
Those teeth tho O_O
I NEED that book! I’m doing a piece on “Slut” next week at Greetings From Queer Mountain and could really use some historical perspective.
So, the dolls are definitely awesome, and Victor can be mean sometimes. But that book literally made me exclaim, “Oh my goodness!” That is a fantastic find. Totally jealous.
You have to tell us who they are!
Those dolls terrify me.
Famous Hussies of History is as awesome as Bad Girls of the Bible, which I own (although I don’t know how it got on my shelf, I swear). I can lend it to you. To compare and contrast. Secular vs. sacred sluts. There’s alliteration and everything. It’s a blog post or a dissertation waiting to happen.
You would have loved the class I took in college, “Patriarchs, Prostitutes & Profits”. Complete with the professor announcing, “we’re going to go to whores.”
Holy Shit…that one doll is a soul-stealer….worse than a damn ginger, for sure..
And people today get anxious about the effects on kids of playing with Barbies. I think it’s more worrying that there are people around today who slept with these dolls. Grandmothers! People you leave your own children with…
Good lord, those are disturbing to look at. Dolls are placed in the same category as clowns and harlequin masks for me, in that they fill me with a terror so profound that I wonder how any person could have ever given them to a child with the intention of bringing joy.
Holy shit those dolls are creepy. I have a masters degree in the history of sexuality so I feel like it is my duty to find that book. I love to read about old timey sluts!
OMFG! That just made me laugh so hard. You made my day! I am equally terrified and entertained. 🙂
This post is a fairy tale.
It’s odd how dolls make you realize things that go bump in the night are made of porcelain and evil.
I think it’s time for Book Reports by The Bloggess.
Oh, the laughs! Were they famous for being Hussies or Hussies who happened to be famous? Sounds like it should be an episode of Drunk History.
My book of idols!
Don’t ever let armless get together with Copernicus. They would be trouble.
Those dolls are magnificent!
You are just ALL kinds of awesome. Thanks for making me laugh!!
If you wanted a signed copy of Haunted Stuff: Demonic Dolls, Screaming Skulls, and Other Creepy Collectibles, you could have just said so. 😉
Creepy dolls are my thang. Not to be confused with my thing — which is a whole other blog post entirely and requires a physician’s note.
There’s a fake castle an hour up the road from me with the creepiest doll collection ever. I’ll have to blog it one day, because imagine those dolls but rooms full of that level of creepy.
Aren’t ALL Hussies famous?
Ok first, those dolls will haunt my dreams but I too would totally want to own them. Secondly, I must know what the criteria for being a hussy is/was in history. What line must a well-bred lady cross to be deemed a Hussy? And is this book written by a man or woman because I feel like the line would be drawn at different proximities to freaky depending on the gender of the judge.
Porcelain dolls are creepy as hell. Even the “pretty” ones. I’m with Victor on this one, which is almost as scary as the dolls.
1) I really think we should cut the dolls a bit of slack, it’s kinda sad – I mean, clearly, either eyeless doll has to cut her own hair now that no arm doll well, has no arms, or no arms has to chew the hair off with those teeth. Same results either way.
2) I’m sure it’s just the lighting, but in the ‘lovely’ (by lovely, I mean creepy) cuddle-me picture with eyeless doll, it really looks like little nubs on your forehead exactly where horns would be…
The armless doll looks severely inbred. Seems like family to me.
If that doll with no arms turns up in any of my dreams I’ll blame you. Totally understand Victor’s reluctance to adopt it. And now I want to know who the famous hussies of history are!
“All of my nopes” – Perfection
I have a new life ambition. I want to be a famous hussy and go down in history as one.
Famous Hussies From History! WHAT PAGE AM I ON??
New version of the hussy book. http://tinyurl.com/ky7xy3a
I have fear. My toddler saw that doll and kept saying “IT’S ME IT’S ME IT’S ME”
I will not be sleeping tonight.
I NEED that book!
Dolls, like children, ARE CREEPY AS FUCK. #TeamVictor You know that’s what all of the horror stories are made of, right? FOR REASONS. 🙂 But excellent book find.
P.S. The dolls would’ve eaten your taxidermies and then your faces.
I’d love to hear the estate sale guy tell this story! It’s so fun to watch ordinary people try to figure out how to cope with extraordinary ones. 🙂
Well now if you disappear in the night we’ll know where to look for your soul. #evildolls
I like to take pictures of horrible dolls and text them to my brother. Never found a cannibal, though–that armless one is some next level horror.
I’d be worried about the doll that’s being cobbled from all the missing parts. It’s probably in your car trunk.
Are the dolls mentioned in the book? Perhaps their hussy-ness is why they got their eyes/ arms removed?
The things you find. All those souls AND and extra set of clothing. Victor doesn’t know a great deal when he sees one.
See, dolls don’t really scare me. I kinda think these two are kind of awesome. The first one especially so.
Like they could be the main bad guys in a tv show or book series or something. Because really, who expects the doll to be the murderer? And then like the main good guy could be some crazy toy store owner and a geeky priest who team up and go around trying to stop inanimate objects from killing people.
I think I’ve had too much caffeine today.
I think you’ve met Anabelle!
One of my best friends has parents who own an antique store in Brady, TX. I really want to share this with her because I know she’d love it… but we’re in the middle of 2 weeks of budget hell at work and if I get her started here now, she may well spend the rest of that 2 weeks reading every post ever. And then her budget won’t get done. And then she’ll get fired and I’ll feel bad and I’ll miss her. I wouldn’t want to burden you with that. I’ll just have to wait for next weekend and hope I remember.
(Is it the antique store with the two-headed baby skeleton and the birthing table? ~ Jenny)
Thank you. I needed a laugh today, and that did the trick.
Have to agree with Victor on this one — those dolls are cree-pee! I don’t think I could sleep at night knowing that one doll was NOT watching my every move (but yet sucking in my soul through her hollow eyes). oo eee ee ooo <–attempt at scary Halloween ghost sound
In Lancaster, England, they put their scariest dolls behind glass: http://bit.ly/1whIvtX
This, is the first time I’ve actually actively gone out of my way to NOT read your post. Yay for my utter fear of porcelain dolls.
OMG…sharing this on my girlfriend’s FB wall immediately!! I collect vintage Rushton dolls, which she makes me keep in a giant Rubbermaid container in the closet because she swears they come to life at night. Once she sees Mrs. Toothy up there, maybe she’ll realize mine are really little angels and release them from their prison. Or, maybe I could just threaten to start bringing home dolls like Toothy and the Eyeless Wonder… hmmmm.
I’m a big fan of The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody by Will Cuppy. It is awesome. http://www.amazon.com/The-Decline-Fall-Practically-Everybody/dp/088029809X Hussies sounds good, too.
1) I want that book!!
2) what the actual fuck! That second toothy one wil give me nightmares. Oh my god.
Sweet baby Jesus…those teeth. They will haunt me all my days.
Holy crap in a pita! I would NEVER sleep with that thing in the house!
Can’t help but think of the poor elf on Rudolf that wanted to make dolls with teeth. He was clearly disturbed,
Gee thanks – soul eating dolls & saw tooth deamon dolls! NIGHMARE CITY!!!
All I ever find at estate sales are crock pots with food still in them and decades old jars of peanut butter. Texas does everything better.
If I didn’t have pediophobia, I do now. Wait, I already had it.
Also you may want to be aware of this lady and her husband, Zoth: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alanwhite/oh-boy-i-cant-even?bftw&utm_term=4ldqpfp#2pvyusb
I once borrowed ahemstoleahem a book from a 90 year old pastor’s library entitled, “social abominations” and included a whole chapter about how letting your little girls play “ring around the rosy” leads to wait for it DANCING!!! I meant to return it, but he died.
LISTEN TO VICTOR ON THIS ONE!!
Creepy Dolls – *EGADS Did you never see Twilight Zone or any of those other 1960s shows with creepy-dolls?? Do NOT go there!
Would you buy a symbols-clapping mechanical monkey? A PennyWise doll??
Did we learn nothing from Stephen King?!?
Best. Store. EVER.
Creepy does not begin to express what those dolls are! i will never sleep again!
Jenny, you can have ALL of my old porcelain dolls. I keep them in a box in the attic. But you must promise to only use them for evil. Like scaring your cats.
The second doll is like Eliza Doolittle on Crack.
I had the ultimate long day and your post saved it from being a wasted one. Keep doing that. [deleted smiley face, too… odd]
I lost my shit when I saw that second doll. I’m going to laugh about it all night and then it will probably give me nightmares.
Jenny,you are the best! I read this out loud to my husband and I almost fell off the couch, I was laughing so hard. Please write a blog about the hussies. I feel a certain connection with them already.
My God, the teeth! I’ll take the doll with the souls please.
Horrifying! The second doll’s teeth are like serrated knives! WTF? “Come and play with us, Jenny!” “I’m a real girl!” Aaaaaaaaah!
I will nightmares because of this post. What’s it called when you have an irrational fear of dolls coming to life? Because I have that.
I can’t stop laughing. I’m with Victor, those dolls are fucking minions of Satan.
You must read “Doll Bones” by Holly Black…it’s a children’s book, but read it before you share it with your daughter. It might be too creepy for her.
Okay. The teeth on the doll with no arms freak me out. Did she gnaw her arms off? Or just one at first so maybe she could sharpen those teeth on the bone of said gnawed off arm. Either way, I think Victor was right on this one. And please and thank you for quotes from the book!
Masterfully crafted blog. Doll with no eyes and great laughs…then…THE TEETH DOLL! her pathetic, weird face. The outsized painted lashes. I was howling! You can’t be serious about the arms, because any other shortcomings pale in comparison to her incomparable face.
Can I borrow your book? I really, really need to read tat book, and not just a passing fancy, a real bone deep need. I figure anyone who can be labeled both Famous and a Hussie there is a really good story there. Is it in the public domain? Can you scan it for Gutenberg or something?
The doll with no teeth is obviously a lost Ferengi.
You must have lovely marrow, she looks downright smitten.
Just in time for all the commercials for the new movie about a murderous possessed doll named Annabelle. The teeth are worse than the eyes. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3322940/
OMG!! I NEED you to be my BFF!! Just imagining the shopping adventures makes me giggle. I freaking adore weird, freaky stuff, but you can find some really scary shit!
Why. Does. That. Doll. Have. Teeth.
Oh god…those are horrifying. I can’t wait to post this to my friend who is afraid of dolls and clowns.
Yeah, I’m with Victor on this one.
The doll with no eyes is really kinda lovely. The fang face is a nightmare. Imagine what little girl played with that thing. Wonder who she was and what she grew up to be like. I mean, Gawd, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane much?
This is why I’m glad I had Barbies, which didn’t affect me at all. twitch
My grandmother used to try and get me to play with dolls. I always refused. Even as a toddler I knew dolls were soul-stealing Satan-spawn.
That first soul-stealing Satan-spawn does have neat hair though. 10 bucks says it’s human.
I’m with Victor on thus one, dolls are just freakin’ creepy. Like dude-in-a-dirty-clown-suit-at-1-AM creepy.
But that book is fabulous.
hell to the no. Why does the second doll have sharp teeth? Probably due to all of the babies she’s chomped on. Ew. no.
I agree with smithshack71: the doll with no eyes has a very pretty face. You just have to get past the soullessness of having black holes for eyes.
Holy cow, you are the fiesta person alive. I love your humor, you crack me up every time! Keep on writing!
There is a song called “Girl With No Eyes” and it’s awesome! Now I’ve got it stuck in my head, but I don’t mind. Check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7ixKWmYux8
**funniest. Though fiesta makes a bit of sense too.
That doll’s eyes are so scary
That doll shouldn’t be purchased. It should be burned at the stake as a witch.
Good thing Victor approves of your taste in books.
Um, those dolls are totally creepy. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if they were in my house. Books are much better! BTW – who made the list of hussies?
I have a serious case of the giggles now.
I am crying from laughing — that had to be the most messed-up estate sale ever… or are they all like that? Should I start going to estate sales???
“Famous Hussies of History”. Laughing myself stupid.
New life goal: find my own copy of Famous Hussies of History.
OMG. Just saw the preview for Annabelle….Victor is soo right to not want the evil dolls in the house!!!
did you see if the dolls were of value? sometimes the older dolls like that hold a high market value..
If I ever find a girl who can return my banter like you describe you and Victor doing here, I’ll know I’ve found my soulmate.
Those dolls are awesome in the creepiest way, or creepy in the most awesome way, I’m not sure which.
And yes, it’s time for Drunk Book Reports, and I nominate Famous Hussies of History.
Those dolls are the fucking creepiest things I’ve ever seen. But I need to know, is that book as awesome as it sounds?
Is this your way of starting a book club? If so, I’m in.
I just watched this preview last night!
I want that book now. Sigh.
What an interesting sale to find, all the ones i go to are just old yard tools and clothing.
My mom has a doll that’s well over 100 years old in her guest bedroom. It has human hair. I had a dream one night that it was choking me and when I managed to wake myself up my dog was at the end of the bed growling directly at the doll. Not even kidding. I don’t believe in anything supernatural but I know that doll collects souls. I am 32 and I made my mom put it in the attic before I would sleep in that guest room again. One day I have to inherit that evil thing because it belonged to my great grandmother and my mother is named after the DOLL!
Strangely enough the one without eyes doesn’t even phase me but Ms. Creepy Von Fangerton… yeah she may just give me nightmares.
I should not have read this post before bed. Those dolls! Eeek!
I love you. In a totally straight, girl-crush, non- stalkerish kind of way.
See, this is the problem in my life. Wolf won’t take me to estate sales w/possessed dolls.
I wonder if those are real teeth? Like…baby teeth? From babies?
Baby teeth, that have been sharpened into points.
Who the heck comes up w/this crap? And why didn’t someone bury it in the back yard? Fear of doll zombies?
Ok, I get that. That makes sense.
And I’ll never again sleep w/out a hockey stick by the bed. Ever.
Why does the second doll have A PIECE OF SALAMI ON HER HEAD? Evil for sure!
Can’t breathe. You are soooo funny!! Creepy dolls!!
I’m quite sure those dolls are the sorts like that Twilight Zone episode. “I’m going to kill you.”
I don’t think I could sleep in the same house with them, unless they were chained up in a box that was chained into a bigger box and then encased in concrete.
And then chained up and put into yet a bigger box.
Found this and thought of you….http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/loris-1/
See, I used to find shit like this when I would go to antique dealers in Georgia. My husband wouldn’t let me buy anything either. However, if I were you, I would check to see if my soul was intact after encountering these dolls. Great find on the book, however!
Dolls are creepy – even when I was little they were creepy. No. Never. What is wrong with you? Dolls are creepy – repeat this to yourself. Often. Victor deserves a medal for “understanding” you. (You probably deserve a medal for “knowing” him as well. That would be a successful marriage! Keep it weird!) Like I had to say the last part.
full, open-mouthed screaming … oh, hey, neat book!
There are so many beautiful dolls in the world. Not those.
…and then the dolls became characters on American Horror Story and Victor was cross about not seeing the obvious bargain that comes with a doll with a soul trapped inside.
I’ve got to say, I’m with Victor on this too. Plus, the hussy book is a much better value.
This made me laugh so hard! I wouldn’t want them in my house… But I fully support your need for them! If I find a soul sucking doll in any antique stores near me I’m totally sending one to you 🙂 Then you’ll have to take it and Victor can’t say no! 😀
Just saw a preview for the movie “Anabelle.” It stars those dolls. I’ll never get to bed now.
Those dolls came straight from Doctor Who but I just can’t remember which episode. Maybe all of them!
Jesus, I could barely read your post what with all the agonizing screams coming from inside of those dolls. Thanks for the nightmares.
Victor, in the case, gets all of my nopes, and a half dozen of my sister’s “aw HELLLLLLL no!”s. If I had any holy water left from Fr. Ladd’s officiant days I would send him a bottle. Perhaps there is a protection talisman somewhere… I’ll research. There has to be a patron saint to protect against dolls becoming animated.
I swear, I just saw this today:
And that book? I NEED THAT.
“(Is it the antique store with the two-headed baby skeleton and the birthing table? ~ Jenny)”
I sure hope not, because if they have such wonders and she hasn’t told me I’m going to have to rethink our friendship. I know they do have a 1960ish CPR training dummy. And an accompanying medical exam table. And until recently, a human skull that she swears they had nothing to do with the decapitation of. I haven’t been there myself yet since friend and I both live in Arkansas, but it’s in the cards soon.
http://youtu.be/U7oKDtytJnE I think you’ll enjoy how this ends…
Those dolls belong face down in a closet under heavy things, so that they don’t eat someone’s face at night.
Hey Jenny — here’s the theme song for those two dolls. Victor is totally a wuss for not letting you have one or both of them.
OMG. THE TEETH…
Didn’t you once write about a doll graveyard of sorts? You could probably find eyes and arms there!
Those dolls will haunt me…. Whenever I see dolls I think of this song;
This one time I have to side with Victor. Those dolls were going to take your souls.
Ouch! I think I will have to side with Victor on this one. Creepy dolls are a big NOPE for me, too.
I collected porcelain dolls as a kid, but it wasn’t my idea. It was one of those things where other people noticed I had one(it was a gift) and decided that I must love them and want more. They scared the crap out of me. I would always make sure they were facing the wall so their creepy vacant eyes weren’t staring at me. But sometimes my mother would randomly decide to dust things in my room and turn them back around, and I wouldn’t notice they were moved until after I was in bed. It didn’t help that we lived in a creepy old farm house, which had mice that liked running around inside the walls at night, making horrifying skittering sounds. shudder
That’s what she said!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could post a picture here! I recently found a doll at a local antique mall that looks exactly like a young female Steve Buscemi. Very disturbing! I wanted to add her to my collection of altered dolls which include zombie babies,young vampiresses and demon clowns, but couldn’t bring myself to shell out the $30. Looks like that was a bargain compared to your soul stealing darling!
that book made me laugh out loud
The best post, ever! Creepy dolls…the best of.
Thank you Jenny and thank you commentors, I know that my sleep tonight is going to be terrifying 🙁 whimpers
You should have brought both of them, taken them home and carried out an exorcism, followed by a ritual burning of the dolls. It would have been for the benefit of humanity.
Also, we need extracts from that book.
The book probably would be much longer if it included the last 100 years. Hell, it would triple in size if it only included the last 10 years.
I had just read about Robert the doll yesterday which while not porcelain is frightening. And I do find these frightening as well. Would gladly give Victor more nopes. But, you really scored on the book!
Those teeth on the second doll are far too sharp – that is definitely part werewolf.
And to think Victor wouldn’t allow you to bring this home. GO VICTOR!
You can add all of my nopes to Victor’s as well – “Nope. Nope. Nope. All of my nopes”.
Like really though – WHO MADE THESE?!
However I do feel as though you made out like a bandit with hussies for $1.
Jesus. That is scary. SCARY.
So sad that Victor doesn’t get the creepy-doll obsession. I woulda bought both dolls and set them so that they were constantly staring at us sleeping.
Solidly on Team Victor for this one. Solidly.
I kind of like no-eyes dolly. Maybe not $75 like, but I hope she found a home :).
I want to go to an estate sale with you.
I want them for Halloween! I want to line them up at the door to greet trick or treaters. DARE
them to knock on the door…
Sorry, I’m on Victor’s side here. So completely creeped out now.
Best. Estate Sale. Ever. Can’t believe you couldn’t at least get Victor to buy you the Vampire doll with no arms.
I read this last night while I was at work and all I could think of is that movie Annabelle that is coming out. I have to walk 2km across a steel mill which wasn’t running 3 times without freaking out that a doll was going to come kill me.
I hope my husband and I are rich enough to have an estate sale one day. The questionable things they will find! From my book collection alone, one could question my morals. Too bad I won’t be around to enjoy the reactions.
I used to collect porcelain dolls, but they were NEVER that freaky (Seriously. What’s with the werewolf teeth on the no-armed doll?).
Now that was an entirely satisfactory (and terrifying) estate sale. “All of my nopes” made me laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing, and now I hope I can put the faces of those dolls out of my mind before I go to bed tonight. (And wouldn’t they be perfect in a Doctor Who episode?)
Nononononononononononononononononononononononononononono! runs away from the computer with flailing Kermit the Frog arms, screaming in terror
I have to agree with Victor on this one. I’ll add my nopes to his.
These dolls look pretty scary!
At first when I saw the third picture, I thought that doll had a piece of salami on her head. I’m not sure if that made it more or less creepy.
My husband is in the Navy and every time he leaves for a deployment, these are the things I can’t look at it! I only have irrational fears. House getting broken into? That will never happen! Running out of gas? Also, a non-occurrence. Dolls eating my soul in the middle of the night? ONLY A MATTER OF WHEN!!!!
Sometimes I get a little miffed at Victor and his pessimism. Soul eating dolls? I mean come on. What could go wrong there?
On a related note, clip from Ellen w/ Channing Tatum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6T7sh7T2lU#t=103
I’m with Victor on this one. No way on God’s good green earth should that doll be allowed into anyone’s house.
Thanx for the nightmare I’ gonna have tonight…..
Dolls are seriously creepy. Don’t blame Victor at all.
I seriously lol’d over this post. Man I love conversations between you two. Endless entertainment!
Mmmm…souls…NOM NOM NOM.
That first one looks like a Madame Alexander doll. I have collected them since I was four but all of mine have eyes. And no teeth. Dolls and clowns should never have teeth. NEVER EVER!
OMG! I’m so in love with you! You make me laugh every time I read your Blog. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
You can tell that the second doll is a hussy by how she puts on her lipstick….which is the same way I put on mine…………wait…….oh yeah…..I’m a hussy too 🙂
“All of my nopes”. haha.
Sounds like my husband when I make the AWESOMEST of all the puns like every day.
The teeth on that doll was craziness!!
The movie Annabelle comes out next month, I am guessing these dolls are Annabelle’s besties!
Only a dollar for that book?!? Awesome deal! I want one!
Wow! I wonder if I’m in that book?!?! -The Original Hussy Strikes Again
you made my friday…
That second doll is terrifying.
When I look at the pic of the doll with no arms, it looks like her mouth is slowing opening…
This is what we should keep Guantanamo Bay for; secure evil doll storage.
You definitely need that doll, because then you can do this with it: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/93/9d/6e/939d6ee652cddf2f73c5379d23a2e51a.jpg Super creepy lamp for the win!
I think you just stumbled upon the inspiration for the movie Annabelle.
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying! 🙂
I really hope that one day I am a famous hussy in history.
Jami – Word may have already reached you but a reprint of the book “Famous Hussies of History” is available from Amazon. The women included are:
Ninon De L’Enclos
Helen of Troy
Madame Du Barry
It appears that the second doll may have had a bad crown job on those teeth. I’m trying to be sympathetic.
I hate to say this, but Victor was totally RIGHT in this situation.
Porcelain dolls have never scared me until just now. Thanks for the nightmarish pics. Channing Tatum was just on Ellen this week and she was torturing him with some porcelain dolls that look like angels compared to these. You should really send her these pics so she can share with him:).
I would really like to have met the family that lived there. All though I have to agree that I bet they live on trapped in little miss can’t-keep-her-eyes-on-the-prize. I also would like to meet whoever created that second doll and question the thought process of “you know what she needs? The world’s creepiest eyelashes. YES NAILED IT.”
Oh My God. I just laughed so hard that I cried. Victor with all of his nopes and then that doll with the creepy teeth…. I love you Jenny!!! Thank you for making my Friday!
I swear — if you look at the picture of the eyeless doll for long enough, you can actually feel your soul getting sucked out of your body, through the screen, and into those eye holes. Or is that just me?
There are too few hussies in that book.
I almost just laugh-snorted my lunch out of my nose.
PS. I think I need to move to Texas. You guys just seem to have the most kickass thrift store, flea market, rummage/estate sale stuff on the planet.
I want to go shopping with you
I just love Victor’s response of “Well thank God for that.” My step sister had a collection of dolls and they seriously creep-ed me out. I actually insisted that I sleep in the basement so I didn’t have them watching me all night when I visited each summer. THE BASEMENT!!!
I think those dolls join self-esteem shark in saying “Faces are delicious and high in protein.” Also Coulton’s Creepy Doll song. And I hope they didn’t kill and eat all the famous hussies.
Much as I love odd and creepy things, I’m afraid I’m with Victor on this one. I wouldn’t even want to be in the same county as those two.
Were there any good excerpts from the book that you could write a blog post about?? I’d totally read the book!
You have an amazing gift of finding incredible/horrifying/hilarious items at random places. If I lived in Texas I would bring you shopping with me. Love it!!!
I adore you guys.
There is a Victorian house in Ann Arbor, MI, with one of those octagonal towers on it, and they’ve put china dolls in the top floor windows where they can stare down at passers-by with their dead, soul-sucking eyes…I lived there for a year before I noticed, and the first time I did I almost screamed! Thank you for bringing back that terrifying memory!
This comment has nothing to do with the post but this headline was too good not to share here:
Girl meets President Obama and is sad he’s not Beyoncé
I had to read the whole (short) article before it clicked that the sadness didn’t stem from the fact that the Prez wasn’t a giant metal chicken. 🙂
I don’t know whether to say I’m Sorry, or Congratulations, but when I saw this link, I thought of you… http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2014/sep/12/the-worlds-worst-stuffed-animals-in-pictures.
Regardless, thanks for all you do.
omg. I can only think of The Conjuring now.
I want to read “Famous Hussies of History.”
I am seriously wondering what is wrong with Victor that he does not see the value of such items as a doll with no eyeballs. The possibilities are just endless with that one.
OMG – the eyeless doll didn’t bother me as much as the teeth on the other one!!!!!
I read this to my boyfriend and concluded with the question, “Do you see why I like her so much?” He replied, “Yes. She’s YOU … just with a blog.”
OMG Girl you’ve done it again. LMAO !!! A doll with no eyes. (I really think she belongs with you, though.) Then, the doll with teeth. I was just saying EEWW to the teeth when I read the caption. That was when I laughed my a– off. My ribs will be sore tomorrow. Thanks for the laughs and keep them coming. Sue A
Ok- so why does the soul sucking eyeless doll have all that dried snot around her nose? Was she unable to find a tissue due to her lack of eyes? It may be poor doll etiquette for me to point that out, but it was the first thing I noticed- even before the lack of eyes. And I have two kids, so it’s not like snot really gets to me either. LOVE Victors “all my nopes.”!!!
Thank you, just thank you…laughing so hard at work that I’m crying. : )
Also for your reading pleasure, “The Art of Kissing,” by Pietro Ramirez Sr., 1936. Go ‘head, “sip of the honey.”
There’s a lady somewhere with a big metal chicken. She has a chicken coop which has a roof made of a satellite dish, only it’s pointed downward (kinda like people who wear tin foil hats). Here’s the url: http://lindycottagehill.blogspot.com/2010/07/im-not-recycler.html
Ha! I can’t wait to show my daughter those creepy dolls before bed…then leave cryptic message in crayon around her room. She is gonna freak!
One of your best posts ever.
This seems a fitting time to tell you that I learned of your book, & this found your blog, after my friend bought your book at an estate sale. I had it half read after staying at her house one night.
This post just made me smile. Thanks, I needed that. I have been depressed for weeks, (still am) but every ounce of levity I can muster is greatly appreciated right now.
I think I saw a movie coming out soon staring that first doll you took a photo of. They keep showing previews on commercials, where a mother is told to “SAVE YOUR FAMILY!” And I am almost positive it’s that doll laying in the crib where the mom’s baby was suppose to be. Hard to tell thou for sure cause my 19 year old and I cover our eyes with the blanket every time it comes on.
Now that book is a great find!
That doll with the teeth is “creepy chicken”!! LOL….T:)
Check out this article in the Washington Post! Thought about you! http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/taxidermy-moves-from-hunting-lodges-to-hipster-havens/2014/09/08/03914da2-2d68-11e4-994d-202962a9150c_story.html?hpid=z1
if someone were to write a movie about a doll who sucked the souls from humans, that doll would star in it.
you make me lol – those dolls are so gross!!! http://thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/10-tips-for-sailing-holiday.html
Estate sales are The Best!! However when my mom goes with me she tends to get creeped out even without stuff like those dolls. I think she’s convinced that someone died violently at any house having an estate sale.
I think you should make a poster of Victor’s quote: “Nope. Nope. Nope. All of my nopes.”
Honestly, I may never sleep again!
Can’t you just listen to poor Victor once?! All of his “nopes” sometimes are right!
(Agree with commenter above that Victor’s nope quote needs to be on a poster or T-shirt!)
That doll would scare Chuckie.
I agree with Suzanne at #229. A poster,mug or t-shirt. Maybe a box of little nopes bookended top and bottom with ALL OF MY NOPES.
“Now she can only hug you with her teeth.”
I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
You should totally have a charity auction to go shopping for antiques and/or taxidermy items with you. I would pay a lot to do that. A lot.
Frighteningly the doll with eyes is WAY WAY creepier than the eyes without a face doll. Jesus, where do you find these places?
I once lived with a woman who had a doll collection in her room. They were arranged in a corner, with the largest in the back, like a creepy little audience watching us as we slept. After a while, I didn’t even notice them any more, but they did give me nightmares at first.
This was a wonderful estate sale! Wish I could have been there. Dolls are creepy in general … these were spectacular.
It’s like someone set up an estate sale just for you! I’m terrified of those dolls. That one with the teeth… do you think it was supposed to look like someone?
I wish I could go shopping with you. My fiancé, however, is happy I cannot. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume Victor is happy too.
If Victor needs counselling after having to be judged silently by those freakish dolls I can pass on the number for a guy I was talking to last year. He’s in Australia but it would be worth the trip if he enjoys not having a debilitating fear of dolls for the rest of his life _
I just love the interaction between you and Victor. Amazing. You guys make me laugh- I can only imagine how much you embarrass your kids.
That doll will haunt my dreams forever.
Absolutely, positively NO creepy dolls at my house. Negative. I’m creeped out just reading this post, and absolutely no to the videos posted here of the creepy dolls. Ack.
I’m going to have nightmares for weeks!!!!
OMG – Can I please going shopping with you and Victor one day??! I’ll drive!
Oh, yes, I would like to pre-order the “All My Nopes” tee shirt please!!
I bet those dolls come with their own horror movie too. Maybe the price is so high because your return investment includes the profit that comes from all the teenage couples that sneak into the theatre to see the movie their mom said they couldn’t and it’s their first act of rebellion.
I actually can’t decide which is creepier….both are scary as FUCK….but I want to buy them and leave them on the side of the road in an abandoned baby carriage or in a deserted building.
Can I borrow your book to see if some members of my family are in it? My grandparent’s wedding announcement described my grandfather as “an industrious young farmer” and said about my grandmother, “who, as everyone knows, is a VERY POPULAR young lady.” I think Grandma might be in that book.
Okay see now, that is a nopedoll, from the notachanceinhell store down on thisiswherewekeepyoursouls avenue.
Ah, that book looks amazing! A much better purchase than the creepy soulless (soulfull?) dolls -with or without arms for (smothering) hugging.
Saw this and thought of you
I am now going to have nightmares about the doll with no eyes and the little toothy bitch. Why do I keep coming back here?
I don’t often agree with Victor, but yes, this… “Nope. Nope. Nope. All of my nopes.”
I really need to know where you shop…
Now she can only hug you with her teeth…bahahahahaha
Just read this yesterday in A Storm of Swords (Game of Thrones Book 3) and had to return to this post to relate it: “At the center of the Plaza of Pride stood a red brick fountain whose waters smelled of brimstone, and in the center of the fountain a monstrous harpy made of hammered bronze. Twenty feet tall she reared. She had a woman’s face, with gilded hair, ivory eyes, and POINTED IVORY TEETH. Water gushed yellow from her heavy breasts. But IN PLACE OF ARMS, she had the wings of a bat or a dragon, her legs were the legs of an eagle, and behind she wore a scorpion’s curled and venomous tail.” (p. 311 in my edition). I think what you found there was a baby harpy. Or a baby doll for harpies. Or something like that.
I am laughing hysterically (tears streaming down my face) while reading this gem. I cannot control my hysterics and subsequently wake up every member of my household. Pure Gold! Bless Victor and all of his Nopes. Thank you Jenny.
Tears flowed reading this. Now here is a strange story, when I was a little girl there was a very old woman that lived down the street in a really tiny 2 bedroom house and “every” room had shelves of old porcelain dolls ceiling to floor and she wore makeup and did up her hair in curls that made her look like a doll herself. Now here is an even stranger thing, I used to go down and sit and visit with her and her dolls and I liked it.
I have read this at least six times and it still makes me cry with laughter. My sides now have permanent pains, but I still think you’re wonderful.
Haunted dolls are a thing.