117 thoughts on “Just get through Thanksgiving.

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  1. I almost burned the house down a few years ago trying to make the homemade version of those French’s fried onions that you put on top of the trashy/amazing bean casserole. This year I’m just in charge of picking up pies from Costco.

  2. Everything but the octopus looks yummy to me. I have NO idea why they declined such a thoughtful offer.

  3. Did that turkey throw up an octopus?? At forty-three I’ve managed to keep my lifelong streak of never cooking a holiday meal in tact! I did buy cupcakes and scored a free pecan pie so my work is done. Happy Thanksgiving to All!

  4. As an Italian-American, I have no problem eating octopus and turkey and crab and bacon. Mmm. What’s not to love?! Although I think it would be more appropriate for Xmas an the feast of 7 fishes.

  5. I’ll be cooking for the first time, but I luckily got out of the turkey job. I could maybe see why they declined your offer. But that is a very clever way to get out of it.

  6. Skip the cooking – cater! For $70, all I need to do it pick a full turkey dinner with all the fixins up from my local Hyvee.

  7. Oh my god that is horrific! Just scared the pee out of me. Although I do love crablegs! Woo hoo thankfully I don’t have to cook. I’m only making deviled eggs. Happy thanksgiving to you and yours Jenny!

  8. Even though I’m a vegetarian I would love to invite you to our house for Thanksgiving just so you could bring that dish. It would be be BEST THANKGIVING EVER! Really and truly.

  9. I just finished making my Tofurkey. Tagline: invented in Portland. (Next up: pumpkin cheesecake.)

    Tomorrow I’m just reheating and eating. That’s the plan.

  10. I just finished making my Tofurkey. Tagline: invented in Portland. (Next up: pumpkin cheesecake.)

    Tomorrow I’m just reheating and eating. That’s the plan.

  11. Excellent thinking on your part. Because of course no one wants squrkey:). That is squid, right? Or is it octoturkey? Like Octopussy but less badass? I’m going to offer this next year and I’ll bet you I get a buy in the kitchen:). You’re a genius.

  12. Cthurkey you say? Sounds….delicious! I’ll bring the gin.

    There is just one thing missing…gravy. Bucket loads of gravy!

  13. Okay, the picture is…well…something, but your heading “Just get through Thanksgiving” is the best part!

  14. Eeeek! Get that thing away from me!! Seperately, you could have a fish entree (i.e. first course) of crab and octopus then have the turkey as main course. I think that would be better than the horror that is combining it all into one!

  15. I would so serve that. Now I wish I could cook.
    I took my daughter grocery shopping yesterday and bought everything. I then informed her that the raw materials were my contribution and I fully intended to sit at her place and lift NOT ONE FINGER to do anything but eat. Strangely enough she is OK with this arrangement. (My children are all good cooks. They claim they learned in self defense)

  16. I think the best part of that is that he did it for his family, someone else posted it to the internet, and he had NO IDEA until the reporter called him!
    Happy Thanksgiving y’all… call the family, call the friends, don’t call Cthulu. 😉

  17. Umm… how did you fail to comment on the fact that the inventor of this dish specifically serves this on a Nazi serving platter (complete with swastika image on the bottom) that a friend bought in an old abandoned Luftwaffe base in Germany?? Because why WOULDN’T you serve it on an old Nazi platter?!?

  18. Cthulhu lives! No, wait…but I did pee myself a little and cried even more laughing at this, the funniest visual joke this old lady has seen in well, a long while. LOL, Jenny Lawson, my friend! It’s perfect. Perfectly terrifying.

  19. We now do brunch. Waffles, fruit, mimosas, bacon, sausage, coffee with cream, hot apple cider. Takes about 60 mins to cook, about 30 mins to clean up, I get the rest of the day to myself, and the kids don’t have to choose between my house or their dad’s. Everybody wins.

  20. You know how in nightmares you never really see the thing that’s chasing you? I’m pretty sure you just showed me a picture of it.

  21. I don’t host Thanksgiving anymore because I ALWAYS have a complete emotional breakdown…the last time it wasn’t until everyone was eating and someone asked me to switch off the light on my turtle tank because it was shining in their face. I exploded and insisted that the turtle lives here and that the guest doesn’t and that the turtle has every right to not have a disruption in his UV cycle just because one man doesn’t like the light. Then I stomped upstairs crying and locked myself in my bedroom. Happy Thanksgiving, gobble gobble.

  22. I am laughing so hard at this post and the comments that my eyes are leaking.

    I am also about to send this link to everyone I am having Thanksgiving with tomorrow and Friendsgiving with on Saturday after work. Oh, this just made working Black Friday ALL better.

  23. Chthulu ftw. I’m really glad I wasn’t drinking a beverage when I saw it, though. The through-your-nose effect can be a bit uncomfortable.

  24. I was all for throwing up liking at that then I realised it still had bacon so was saved.

    Have good one everyone, no turkey here in the UK for another month and I’m cooking the Christmas dinner just so I get to stay at home and east what I like.

  25. Thanks Jenny……….I can never unsee that. But it does kind of remind me of the alien injected turkey we had at my in-laws last year.

  26. After a few bottles of wine…they won’t notice that the turkey looks like something from a “horror movie”. Lol

  27. Absolutely awesome! I’m glad you posted this today; I still have time to make one for tomorrow!

  28. Have pity on me, Strangelings—I’m going to ‘out’ myself and admit I don’t know what the “cthulthu—whatever” reference is? I know I’ve been;pretending to get the joke….I just know that it’s scary and possibly some kind of overlord?

    Meanwhile, at damn-near 54, I’ve never cooked a holiday dinner (yet). I’m bringing the cake!

    Happy Thanksgiving to the US-based Blogessians and a “Have a lovely Thursday” to the non-US members!!!

  29. Something horrible happened to that turkey’s asshole. I think it might be some sort of poultry STD.

  30. I making turkey dinner for 12 on Thanksgiving Day. After seeing that turkey picture at the top of this post, I am going to have to make a run to the store for some extra ingredients!!!

  31. I feel like I’ve achieved a lot by convincing my family that mixing sour cream and a little garlic in the mashed potatoes will not bring the world to an end. I don’t think Cthurkey will fly at our house.

  32. You are one smart lady. Next year I’m supposed to be hosting and making the turkey. I think I’ll announce that I’m making THIS turkey and then we’ll see what happens.

  33. What would you have done if they had taken you up on your offer? Happy Thanksgiving.

  34. It’s funny, but I’d happily eat any of those individual critters, I love octopus, turkey, crap, and bacon, but together, they freak me out!

    It’s actually relatively easy to cook Thanksgiving dinner, you just have to A) plot everything out on a timeline (but give yourself plenty of time for the making of each dish on that timeline) and B) take advantage of any minions who show up to do the tedious stuff like mashing potatoes, setting tables and washing dishes. I’ve hosted Thanksgiving dinner 5 times and have been shocked at how it all seemed to work out okay. We’ve seen so many stupid sit-coms where people forget to turn on ovens and the like, I kept expecting things to go awry, but they never did. All the actual dishes of Thanksgiving are simple to make and a turkey is just a super-sized chicken. I’m usually a crap cook, I can’t make a cream sauce or do fancy, involved recipes, but I can sure make stuffing and mashed potatoes.

  35. Holidays are easy in my family. My mum-in-law has 2 sisters and the 3 of them are ORGANIZED! FEMA should hire them. I provide the house. They do everything else. Even the plastics bags for leftovers. They would vacuum at the end of the day if I let them. It works for me. 🙂

  36. Is that a bacon comb over? Happy Turkey Day all because thanks should be had whenever we can muster it.

  37. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Thank you for all your wonderful posts. I’m more of a lurker but truly appreciate your site.

  38. One of the things that I am most thankful for this year is that I have become a faithful reader of The Bloggess. Thank you, Jenny, for all you do to make this world a more wonderful and weird place. You are so loved! Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

  39. @MaryHS—thank you so much for the link to Wiki!! No idea that it went back to Lovecraft!!

  40. That is SO COOL! If your in-laws don’t love you by now (which of course they do because you gave them a granddaughter), they at least should be starting to know you. 😉

  41. And queue the nightmares again…. honestly, I don’t know why I continue to subject myself to your website Jenny…. Oh yeah. ‘Cause you’re awesome =)

  42. There’s never a blog post from you that doesn’t make me laugh so hard I snort. I LOVE your blog. And the photo was pretty awful and wonderful. The bacon saved it.

  43. I totally agree that this looks like the Kracken, I told my husband that this must be a thanksgiving version of the Kracken, as a play on turducken, but Cthurkey is awesome too 🙂

    Is it weird that the only part of me that is grossed out is that they photographed this on the oil splotched paper towels? I mean c’mon, you’re going to make the most epic turkey ever and you can’t even stage it on your dining table before taking a photo?!

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