So! Last week my friend Maile and I went to the Mom 2.0 Summit and it was quite lovely but we decided that instead of posting the typical conference selfies we should change things up a bit and post the most unflattering pictures we could possibly take. We did the first one on the plane and it was so ridiculous that even instagram wouldn’t post it. It might have been a glitch but we assumed it was instagram saying, “No. You don’t mean to post this. Have you been drinking again? We’re cutting you off until you come to your senses.” But we had no senses to come to and we couldn’t stop laughing at the picture and so we shared it on twitter.
Then when we landed we found out that the picture was shared so much that it was the very thing that got the conference hashtag trending. So…yeah.
This is the point when I had to apologize to the conference organizers but they didn’t care because I’ve known them for 10 years so they knew what to expect of me. Which is “very little“. This is one advantage of having a terrible reputation.
What was nice though was that although it was a little terrifying publishing such a horrific picture it was actually also surprisingly freeing. No matter what photo we found ourselves tagged in that week we were guaranteed that it couldn’t be any worse than what we’d shared ourselves. Even if someone intentionally posted something terrible we could say, “No. Sorry. We did it worse already.” Plus, we automatically looked much better in person because we’d set up people to assume we look like giant thumbs or penises.
I was presenting an Iris Award at the conference and mostly I just hid backstage and made Andrew McCarthy uncomfortable by sitting cross-legged on the floor and staring at him, but on the way in we had to take red carpet pictures and we’d decided that there were already too many pretty people there so instead we’d just do inappropriate poses until they asked us to leave.
And that’s how you do a red carpet. Deep, royal curtsies. #WE RUIN EVERYTHING:
Other flattering red carpet poses: the 1930’s Muscle Men:
…And the eternally classic we-just-found-a-dead-body red carpet pose. Always elegant.
It only took a few minutes before they gave up and shooed us off but we still had more to give. This is my favorite and I literally laugh out loud every single time I look at it.
I did manage to take one good picture as I ran out to the nerd bus (which we self-named because we were the first people to hurry back to the hotel while everyone else started dancing) and that was a picture of my using Andrew McCarthy as a coaster. Not even intentional, y’all. I can’t take a good picture even when I’m trying. Please contact me, Mr. McCarthy, with your dry cleaning bill.
Point is, posting a terrible photo of yourself making ridiculous faces is fantastic. And hilarious. And incredibly freeing. I encourage you to do it yourself. Share it in the comments. Send it to your friends. Post it on instagram. Relive those moments when your mother would say “YOUR FACE WILL FREEZE LIKE THAT” while you and your sister laugh hysterically as you lick the car windows and make pig noses at the people driving in the next lane. Honestly, I cannot recommend it enough.
UPDATED: Everyone and their cat is doing that website where you upload your photo and the computer tells you how old you look so I decided to try it:
Oh, you flatterer.
Brilliant. I’m off to find all my atrocious selfies.
(Don’t forget to share. ~ Jenny)
I believe in taking 200 selfies in order to get 1 good one. More than 200 is just vanity.
I have three of those neck wrinkle photos as my blog banner all taken at the doctor’s office (one on my business card). So unflattering but they make me laugh every time I log in. Looks like you had lots of fun!
Those are amazing, brave, and wonderful. I should make those faces on my dating profiles, yes??
(Yes. I would totally date you. ~ Jenny)
Thank you! Both my daughter and I have been doing the “let’s make the weirdest faces possible” thing for about a year now. And it’s awesome.
My 17 chins put any of yours to shame. Great pics, thanks for keeping it real. You’re just like Jenny From The Block!
I tried, but all my selfies were still devastatingly handsome…
The only thing we need is a really catchy hashtag…
Terrible selfies are an art I deeply appreciate. It was hard to pick just one! http://i.imgur.com/RV9bcD1.jpg
I have hurt my neck making ugly selfies on more than one occasion. It was totally worth it however.
Yeah, sorry but no. I am a photophobe. It’s a very personal thing. I’ve hated being in pictures since I was a kidlet. I can count on 1 hand the number of pics I have of me where I think “Whoa, you look mighty damn fine right there.”
My current social media profile pics are all of the back of my head. On the plus side, when I meet people and get my picture taken with them, they turn their backs to the camera, too. Alton Brown, Michael Nesmith and all of Blue October have done this for me.
(I sort of love this. But I hate the back of my head so I’d have to wear a hat if I ever take a picture with you. ~ Jenny)
I think you should go for one of those extreme up high shots that people take! Okay I am guilty of this to avoid the Jabba the hut chin
Before you marry Andrew McCarthy, you need to make sure he’s OK with a giant metal chicken on the doorstep- and also, Victor. Love the pictures, especially the dead body on the red carpet.
laughing so hard right now!
My wedding photographer was irked at me because I kept making faces. But, seriously, those are my best bride pictures because they are the most hilarious and delightful and I look like me, albeit a weird me. But weird is me so I look like me!
Some of those pictures look like the ones my SIL loves to tag me in on Facebook, except I never look as if I’m having that much fun.
I’m traveling around the world, and have been taking lots of pictures of myself in various amazing locations. I started making ridiculous faces in them because I think it shows how much fun I’m actually having instead of the frozen smile that you’re “supposed” to wear. Also, it annoys my family.
The curtsies photo is my absolute favourite! Closely followed by the dead body one, because it’s obviously the start of a great ‘Murder, she Wrote’ type story that I can now make up in my head when bored or “working from home”…. Always fabulous! xx
Oh, like this. I <3 Alton Brown.https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CEQO1nfWMAAdWxk.jpg
ALL of my pix are horrifying.. I suppose it is because they look like me.. lol
I adore you!
Jenny, if you tour for the new book, just bring Wolf Blitzer with you. He’ll work fine in place of a hat.
The super-pretty dress just makes it that much better!
(I bought it because it has pockets. POCKETS! ~ Jenny)
The worst pics are sometimes the best for they show the true feelings of the event, so much power to you for sharing the good and the bad with us!
You need to make a fake Tinder account with all of those face photos. I feel like magic would ensue.
Shame on you, you are being cruel to those of us with no chins to speak of. Also, for your “red carpet” pictures, shouldn’t you be on, you know, a carpet? One that is dyed red?
I mean… I’d swipe right
Hilarious, Jenny. You just made my day a little nicer. And I don’t feel like reading this gigantor work document in front of me so this was a needed distraction.
My sister and I actually have a whole site dedicated to terrible selfies! We call them “creepy faces” and our site is creepyfaceaday.tumblr.com
/shameless self promotion
It really is freeing to take the worst pictures imaginable. Creepy faces make me feel so… powerful.
I wrote an entire post about the horrible photos I take.
I just can’t look normal. http://dairycarrie.com/2012/11/28/badphotos/
I love you and Maile and your faces and shared arm AND your Mom2 twitter impressions. Really. Love. Glad I got a hug and you got to sit back there while I tried to learn how to produce a show and wore a headset and was all WHATTTTTTT. Anyway it was comforting to me so thanks.
The poor chin. Such an unappreciated facial feature that is seemingly forgotten until a pic like this shows up and you realize how important that protuberance truly is.
I love this and so agree that it can be freeing I posted about mine awhile ago here http://livingthescream.com/funny-stories/the-worst-selfie-ever/
Yeah, and then you post the one of you and Andrew. Too high of a bar for me.!
I love this. The antithesis to all that ‘is’ the red carpet. Thank you for that and the laughs.
You two are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!!
Oh dear, here goes LOL I’m calling this my pirate Elvis. The things I do following you giggles madly Never change woman! I mean… change your clothing… and hair if it suites you… you know what I mean! ~ Shawna
http://i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm309/Dragnters/2015-05-05%2012.30.34_zpsnnsteq0h.jpg
This kind of reminds me of when I was a child and I thought turning my head to the side would be a signature look for pictures, but I missed subtlety (as small children often do) and instead looked like I was trying to put my ear on my shoulder in every picture taken of me for about a year.
Also I did that photo age thing and it said a nice picture of me with makeup and hair done I looked 20 years old, and a no makeup chilling in my PJs selfie was 46. I’m 28. And insulted.
Your pictures are amazing and now I won’t feel bad when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym sweaty red faced and weird angled.
Gods and goddesses that is MUCH bigger than I expected it to be ROFLMAO oy vey
Also I buy dresses from eshakti.com because they make dresses with pockets. It is glorious.
You actually have a beautiful smile, wether you like it or not!
Both my first and second mother in laws chose to display the only wedding photos in which I have multiple side neck wrinkles. One in size 11×14! I guess that must just be how I look. 🙁
My friends and I randomly send each other boob selfies. Fully clothed, of course, but still. Usually on Tuesday, or Titty Tuesday as we like to call it. Nothing like a boob selfie to brighten your day!
I hate to be the one to have to tell you, but even your ‘bad’ selfies are adorable. Gonna have to try harder.
This post is made of 100% awesome. And I am totally jealous that you met Blaine from Pretty in Pink.
Silly faces? I didn’t get up past your cleavage! Lol
This is the highlight of my day. I love you so fucking much.
Love the idea, though I don’t do selfies because I look horrendous without even trying.
Guess what? You just gave me my new mantra: “No. Sorry. We did it worse already.” I LOVE this:). Works for just about everything!
I know I am totally missing the point of this but OMG, Andrew McCarthy! I have had a crush on him forever and I cannot stop looking at that picture and thinking about how I am going to download it and photoshop my face on there and pin it to my wall and act like he is my boyfriend. TMI?
You are so freaking hilarious. Thank you for this post. I needed this today.
And I saw this and decided that Hunter S Thomcat has been sneaking computer access again. http://9gag.com/gag/a0LDY3Q?ref=mobile.s.cp
Oh, you are so much fun. This made me cry laughing, and snort. It’s not pretty over here.
WHAT? WHO DOESN’T THINK YOU’RE FUNNY? I’m pretty sure they just don’t understand….
This is also opening up a whole new dress question – “Black and silver or maroon/brown and gold?” With the third option “Do you need to get your eyes checked, it’s totally white and gold.”
I used the how-old thing over the course of a night out. I looked 28 when I started. As I climbed into bed somewhat worse for wear they thought I was 81! I didn’t dare try it the next morning. I’m not sure the numbers go high enough.
#jennyissoawesome
I love taking horrible pictures. They’re so much more fun than the posed kinds. I’ve never had the guts to post online but that was before, I am way more likely to do that sort of thing now. I just couldn’t care less, and why bother really? I am who I am, warts and all 😛
Wow do I ever feel like a cowardly dumbass for only posting a picture of the back of my head now. You, your friend…..and also DragonTears are all my heros.
I don’t think of myself as photogenic, but my son has taken that feeling to a whole new level. He absolutely DELIGHTS in taking terrible pictures of me. It’s gotten to the point where I intentionally give him the worst I can when he does it. There’s me with a bottle of something alcoholic, a mustache and an ushanka passed out on the couch (posing) that is his favorite, but there’s a lot of them in his phone. He takes so many that I don’t even think about it anymore – and you are right… it IS freeing! I pretty much don’t give a rat’s tiny hairy ass what the lens sees. It’s what the people who love me see that counts!
Oh dear. It’s a pity I did that. It said 87!
I’ve posted a lot of ugly pictures of myself on my blog. I have no shame and I overshare which is a terrible and hilarious combination. I laugh at myself, a lot.
Andrew McCarthy? Lucky duck.
I enjoy disappointing folks as much as the next guy: I’ve never taken a selfie in my life. And I’m not likely going to start now.
Would you like to tar-and-feather me now?
I’d say you were brave for posting that photo but there aren’t any bees or burning orphans so……
Excellent! I love making silly faces and odd poses in pics. Also, you have a very pretty smile (in the pics where you aren’t doing anything silly or odd).
I love this so much. But then I did the selfie thing, and the “how old are you” thing, and now I’m a little worried that the people who tell my 42yo self that I don’t look like I am 42 really mean that I look much, much older than that… because that effing app thinks I’m 48 on a good day and 61 with my weird expression. And yet, I’m giggling at this whole thing. Don’t take life (and selfies) so seriously, right?
You two are fresh air. Breathing in!!
I’m getting new passport photos taken today and now I’m going to have to resist the urge to keep making stupid faces until they ask me to leave.
love your blogs omg I would have died to meet Andrew. loved mannequin
Reblogged this on scrappie momma writes stuff and commented:
I heart the Bloggess. love her book too xo fabulously funny blog as usual.
Although the the selfie pic is phenominal, also dresses with pockets for the win! My favorite part is how the little air vents/reading lights on the airplane ceiling look genuinely shocked at the difference camera angles make.
Just when I thought it wasn’t possible to love you anymore, you played the Mannequin card!!!!
Crazy Eyes are the way to go in all photos…
I totally took a frightening selfie for you but then realized I’m a schmo and have no idea how to paste it into comments. So I offer this post on driver’s license tips instead: http://goo.gl/T9acVY
I’m not savvy enough to post my bad selfie I just took. 🙁 But I did take it! And it’s terrible! 🙂
I love your self-deprecating humor! Hilarious.
Andrew McCarthy was the first celebrity I ever met.I had just moved to New York City for school and went to see him in a play.I heard a lady talking about waiting at the stage door for him so I convinced my friend that we should do that too.when he came out, I gushed and carried on so much about how I loved him that he thought I was kidding and making fun of him.it was terribly mortifying and he gave me a nasty look as he signed his autograph. Good times.
I love ridiculous selfies. And pretty selfies. And selfie stick selfies. And tripod with a clicker selfies. Okay. I just really love selfies. Here’s one of my recent faves: https://instagram.com/p/14A4snOPZO
When I was a preteen, I would push my chin downward and grimace like that and think “This is what I will look like when I’m old.” Dammit, I was exactly right.
Those faces should be on business cards. I would buy what you’re selling.
When I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more than I already do, you played the Mannequin card!!!
I’d have been a flailing idiot if I’d met him and I most likely would’ve called him Jonathan Switcher… :/
Nobody can resist a proper deep curtsey.
I was watching all my blogger peeps share photos from the summit. AddyB, Schmutzie, and Luvvie – all so fun. I wish I had been there to party too and attempt a deep curtsy. That’s impressive.
And I’m BEYOND jealous you met Andrew McCarthy. I too love him in Mannequin. My first job was in a video store and a coworker of mine was in love with him and would watch Pretty in Pink every day and pause it, rewind, and play this one scene where you could kind of, sort of see the vein in his arm bulge out. And she’d be like “There it is! Did you see it??! The arm twitch. Ohmygawd, I love that.” That…was a bit much. So knowing me, I would’ve told him the whole story.
I heartily <3 that photo, also Dragon Tears’ pirate Elvis (as I myself am a roguish piraty hamster).
You made Andrew McCarthy uncomfortable? Am impressed. Yay for the socially diverse (aka “nerds”)!
It’s like you were born without any facial bones in the Basement Sisters pose, but OMG ANDREW MCCARTHY!!!!! I WANT TO BE PRETTY IN PINK!! For some reason I can’t remember, I tried to explain his awesomeness to my students, but they just gave me the confused doggy head tilt.
I salaam you Jenny. Fiercely. I curtsy you, deeply. You give me reason to stay on the net. I read an article and am feeling that everything I’ve been believing is a lie. I don’t know what or who to believe anymore. But, I believe in you Jenny. I believe in you. Thank you for giving me a reason not to shun my computer completely. (Other than I need it for work. I’m such a nerd I am co-owner of a comic-con.) 😀 I would totally ask you to come, but I know crowds freak you out. Which is totally cool, well..not really….ah hell. You know what I mean. I’m just going to go read a book now. Much safer.
So jealous you got to meet Andrew McCarthy; still handsome as ever.
Has anyone ever told Maile she looks like Kate Goslin? If Kate were fun and not psychotic.
Now THAT is how to do a red carpet. Well done. Special props to the dead body.
…I am also not even human according to that stupid photo age bot. I think we should start a club. Yeah! Proud to confuse the robot overlords!
Over Christmas, my sister and I took a selfie we have named “the old guys on the balcony from the Muppets”. It was hilariously terrible and went directly to Facebook. Why not have a laugh at yourself moment? Or in my case, photogenically, a lifetime!
You mean our faces won’t freeze that way? Now, how am I gonna scare my kiddos?!
I didn’t have any old gross selfies to post (because I burned them) and I don’t usually take them anyway – although it’s the only goddamn way I’m ever in a photo with my boys – so I took some especially to share with you. I’m not even sure how to put the photo up…
/Users/Misha_PC/Desktop/selfie.png
Ah crap. #selfiedoublefail
I actually did a snort giggle when I read your caption about your little sister hardly going out and living in the basement. Classic caption! You crack me up!
Love it and love you Jenny! When will your book tour dates be out?
(WATCH THIS SPACE. Well, not this space, but the blog. You know what I mean. 🙂 ~ Jenny)
Ooh, now Microsoft owns the photo you used for the How Old thing. http://consumerist.com/2015/05/01/played-with-that-viral-age-guesser-this-week-you-just-gave-microsoft-a-bunch-of-free-photos-to-use/
Love it. So real, so non-bullshitty, so humble, so funny.
Red carpet gold right there lady!!! Friends with no filters are completely amazing to be silly around 🙂
Okay so uploading my pic before didn’t work so I wrote my own blog post about it. Inspired by you. And like you said it was bloody good fun! 🙂
nb ‘fugly’ in this context is FUNNY UGLY.
This makes me wish I’d gone to Mom 2 this year. Hope to see you in 2016!
Bwahahahahhaa! I love this! 😀 I’m always making faces since I hate having my photo taken so this would be right up my alley. 🙂 I don’t have any funny faces to post at present though. :3
Love this. But you’re lucky you got 36 year old man. I got 80 year old man. I am a 41 year old woman. My friend blamed it on my mittens. Recently posted in “so apparently I’m 80?!” On my blog. FFS!
So I’m reading your Post and I see the first picture and think “this isn’t so bad”, then I realized that was your GOOD picture….had to scroll down to see your BAD picture, then got very confused because all my attempts to take GOOD pictures end up looking like BAD pictures.
I am known for making funny faces in all of the photos that people post or take of me. People are actually legitimately surprised when I am smiling in a photo. Like actually surprised.
hahaha. Basically I think people take too many pictures, it makes me uncomfortable, I rarely feel like I look good in photos, and I’m going to keep making funny faces with you 🙂
My god, how much I loved this- anyone who posts goofy selfies publicly is a- someone who knows what’s funny and b- someone who has an awesome sense of humor in being able to put it out there. This was cackling-out-loud-with-intermittent-snorts funny to me.
I fed a perfectly normal picture of me to the How Old robot and it said that I’m a 31 years old man. I am female and 24. I think I’d prefer not human.
I laughed so much that my family came to check on me. Even my three year old who doesn’t speak English giggled. Totally saved…erm…RUINED….everything!
You are the most beautiful, ugly picturetaking lady, Jenny!
I don’t take pictures of myself, ever, and haven’t since I was a child. The mother of my best friend since I was a kid has this gigantic tree photo frame that she has put photos of everyone in for ever and my photo in it is a shot of my butt from when I was 14 because that’s the only photo I’d ever let her take. My ass represents, yo.
BEST.POST.EVER. Died laughing.
You make my day, day after day after day. Thank you!
I love this so much! I always feel like I look bad in photos, so for a few years now I’ve just been trying to look as bad as possible on purpose. My favorite pose is Sasquatch walking and looking slightly backward toward the camera.
Did you ask Andrew what Hollywood is up to these days? Hollywood should be on where are they now, but it has to fabulous or I will be disappointed.