I’m a little offended that this was recommended to me and also I want it immediately.

So Amazon is continuing its insulting streak of knowing me better than I know myself by sending me a recommendation for this:

It’s a backpack filled with a cat.

Cat not included.

Probably.

It isn’t that specific.

But it has a plastic space-capsule bubble so you can make your cat into a tiny unwilling astronaut.  It looks pretty mortifying (for both you and the cat) because when you wear it on your chest it looks like you’re pregnant with a front-loading washing machine filled with live cats, but I still want one, if for no other reason than to go to fancy dinner parties and avoid awkward small talk by pretending the cat is the actual guest and that I’m just the carrier.  And if people still tried to talk to me I could act like I was too busy to speak to them and yell, “THIS IS GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM(cat).  CAN YOU HEAR ME, MAJOR TOM (cat)?” until they give up and leave me alone.

PS. Also, I’m going to need a cat sized space helmet for authenticity sake.

PPS. And probably some wet wipes because Hunter S. Tomcat gets traveler’s diarrhea when he leaves the house and I suspect this could quickly become a horrific viewing window into a literal shit show.

PPPS. Maybe I’ll just do it with Ferris Mewler.

PPPPS. This just came up on instagram:

This cat is living his best life and now I’ve decided that I want to be carried around in a backpack myself.

*******

And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by HerPair.com.  I was a little confused when an unexpected pair of really nice underwear with a penis drawn on them came in the mail, but then I looked them up and it made more sense. “Created to start an important conversation in a funny manner. We aren’t in the business of just selling products. We are in the people business, working to empower women to be the AMAZING people they want in life.  HerPair is not only about liberating intimate wear.  It’s a movement.”  You should check them out here.

 

86 thoughts on “I’m a little offended that this was recommended to me and also I want it immediately.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Can you imagine how cool it would be to have backpacks for all your taxidermied animals and even Beyonce if you can get one big enough? I wish Amazon would send me suggestions like this.

  2. I want to get my driver’s license picture taken in costume, so I wouldn’t look so god-awful (presumably). That cat pack looks like abuse to me, poor kitty!

  3. “And probably some wet wipes because Hunter S. Tomcat gets traveler’s diarrhea when he leaves the house and I suspect this could quickly become a horrific viewing window into a literal shit show.” Bwahahahahaha! I LITERALLY cackled when I read that!

  4. Soooo my wee service dog goes everywhere in a dog bag (like a sling) because she will behave in it. Not so much a ca

  5. I could have one of those carriers for my pet snakes. Then I totally WOULD wear it on the front so maybe people would think they were looking through a window at my intestines.

  6. You don’t need a helmet when you are on the ship unless there is a serous problem so you can skip the helmet, unless you are letting him go out for a walk.

  7. I don’t understand how buying a pair of $25 underwear is going to make me, or anyone, feel empowered, so I’m obviously not part of their target market. There are a lot of people who don’t feel empowered: shy males and females who can’t speak for themselves, teens in abusive relationships, people who grew up in dysfunctional homes… Women have come a long way, and frankly, I never felt disrespected or underpaid any more than any of my coworkers. We need to give a voice to everyone.

  8. I identify with feline traveler’s diarrhea. Ridley should wear a diaper but he won’t let me affix one. I have to make do with puppy pads in his carrier. At least I don’t have to provide poop samples at the vet! Special delivery! Already in the carrier. You’re welcome.

    Those cats in the pods seem to be attempting to communicate with humans for reals, so some empathetic individual can set them free. Forget, “Feed me.” More like, “FREE ME!”

  9. Okay so we’re going to be moving to a new neighborhood soon & I told my daughter I was going to buy our cat a stroller & we could become “those” people. She didn’t think it was a good idea but I so do.

  10. I am reminded of when I tried to stuff a possum into a cat carrier so I could take it somewhere besides my back yard. He spread all his legs sideways making it like trying to plung a toilet. My cats would do the same if I was trying to put them in that carrier

  11. The worst part of that backpack? It would take all of 12 seconds for someone to walk up and ask, “OMG, is that your cat?”

    And that person would have to be killed.

    Justifiable. Homicide.

  12. How does the cat breathe? Does it have it’s own oxygen supply like a real astronaut? Also loving the pic of you on the Iron Throne. Are you going around demanding that everyone “bend the knee”? I did that at work the other day when my coworker found out that I’d bought land in Scotland and was officially a Lady. It sounded kind of weird and sexual when I said it though, and he laughed uncomfortably…

  13. i am laughing so hard i am cackling and crying – OMG – your post – these comments – priceless

  14. From the “Her Pair” site:

    “Why? Is it merely an issue of what’s in your pants? Maybe. If so, no need to grow a pair, wear a pair! HerPair intimates are designed to help close this gap.”

    Is this women’s underwear with balls sewn in them? I don’t think I want to know anymore … I’m asking for a friend.

  15. My parents names all of our cats rock and roll theme names. We had a Major Tom (cat). He was insane and used to jump me any time I walked down the hallway, cling to my leg, and bite down. He had cabin fever bad, I’m pretty sure this bag would have done him in, if I hadn’t accidentally made him garage roadkill when he was sleeping under my car.

  16. If I got one of these for my cat, he would figure out how to unlock doors so he could sneak into my bedroom while I was sleeping and hork up a hairball on my face. I dare not risk it.

  17. The little girl walking has a bag that looks air-permeable, and I saw a larger hole at the bottom of the side panel, so that one seems cool. But that hard plastic one? Seems perfect for that special taxidermied pet that never gets to go outside. Think diorama for the airless version.

  18. Yes….I couldn’t agree more. I’ve always thought the idea of having a pet skunk would be amazing. People that live near me have two or three pet skunks. I think their pea (stink) ability has been removed. This vessel would be so awesome with a skunk peeking out.
    Thank you very much for the extreme smile I got while reading your post.
    “To the moon Alice!!”

  19. OK I clicked on the Amazon link (you bastards) and the pink one must be a Rev 1 because the one for sale has airholes in the bottom of the plastic panel And there’s mesh in the side panels And those metal grommets in the side panels don’t have mesh in them. They look perfectly sized for a cat’s paw to come through them and claw you hard, making you crash your bike. So, I think that bag was designed by cats and with the world so crazy, is this the time to let cats have money? THINK.

  20. When wearing the pack so kitty is in front of you, it’s more like Alien than space camp. BTW, you can send kitty here to Hutchinson, Kansas. We have a space camp at the Cosmosphere.

  21. I wish we could do this for our Driver’s Licenses and/or Passports. I just renewed my Passport and when I saw the picture, I thought “great…I LOOK like a f**king terrorist!!”.

  22. The Viking almost got us arrested in Wells, Nevada because our cat (Izzie) attacked him in the truck on our semi-annual progress from Alberta to Arizona. While I was in Dunkin’ Donuts getting us coffee, he was in a wrestling match with the cat. And then there were 6 Highway Patrol cars two parking spots away and they were alerted to the situation by bevies of curses, blizzards of cat slaps and blood splashing the windshield. I had to do my most convincing Canadian Apology and promise to keep The Viking in the kennel while I was driving. Or maybe it was the cat. Whatever. I’m afraid my Izzie is not a cat to fuck with. She broke into a guy’s house down the street and shamed him into buying her food and toys. So, a cat backpack is probably not something that would work for us. No shit but quite possibly copious amounts of blood as she burrows herself out of the backpack and into my spine.

  23. You really need one Jenny. A few people on the Devon Rex Facebook group have them for their cats. One takes hers shopping into her hardware store and he loves it. Personally, I’ve got a pram for my 2 Devons, and they love it.

  24. Like some of the previous commentators, I’m totally confused with the Her pair underwear. Why do I want a picture of a penis on my undergarments? First, gross and just no. Second, is it some kind of penis envy message? Do I feel more confident pretending I have balls? I’ve always been really grateful that I don’t. A cat in a backpack makes more sense.

  25. My daughter got one of those to take her cat, Artie, to the vet. He loves it and sits in it when he’s at home.

  26. I could have one of those bearers for my pet snakes. At that point I absolutely WOULD wear it on the front so perhaps individuals would think they were looking through a window at my digestion tracts.

  27. I want to have a male named “Major Tomcat”, and a female named “Ground Control”.

    (I have a bad habit of naming pets I don’t have yet…or in this case CAN’T have because of my cat allergies.)

  28. So….as someone with mobility/pain issues and a cat, I’m getting one of these as soon as I can afford one. See, my hands are sad arthritic things, I don’t own a cat, and my cat is made of mass. It is /mush/ easier for me to carry someone on my back then in my hands.

    And he’ll hate it whether he’s carried or packed so…

    Added bonus if the plastic window makes his mewling dissatisfaction sound echo-y.

  29. Seriously, as soon as Amazon has the brain implant where I just have to think it and it arrives at my door, I’m ready to volunteer. My hand is up now and waving. And why do i have to press something to open my car trunk, come on- with the technology we have shouldn’t it just recognize my voice? What’s taking so long?

  30. I’m told I already have balls anyway…so I’d like to buy the Her Pair undies and just wear them around the house to see if my husband and son even notice.

  31. When you came to Book People to sign You are Here, I was going to bring my cat (as a support animal) in one of those…. except my cat won’t ride in one. sigh Which is why I missed the signing — too much anxiety. Ah well. Maybe I can train her by your next book. 🙂

  32. That poor cat.
    I can only imagine what would happen if I tried to put my cat into something like that.
    Hospitalization would be required.
    For me.

  33. Thank the universe for you! Every time I can’t find a reason to keep going, I come here and you make me laugh. Out loud. Not the LOL fake thing, the actual thing. And as long as I can laugh, there’s hope. Thank you.

  34. This is honestly the first time I can legitimately say “I don’t get it” to absolutely everything in one of your posts. I’m going to go take a nap & hopefully not dream of scaredy cat containers, realistic penis drawing underwear, & dressing in weird costumes while in high school bc all of them kinda freak me out.

  35. The cat in the instagram post doesn’t look “curious” so much as “terrified” lol. But yes, I too would love to be carried around in a backpack! Although it would have to have a fan or air conditioning built in, otherwise I’d die in this 100+ degree heat.

  36. sorry, the sure-fire way to make me never leave you alone at a fancy dinner party is to wear your cat. unless of course you let me wear him for a while.

  37. This has got to be a “Japanese” thing. Any country that has “cat” tea rooms where you pay to play/pet the cats that are there and maybe have a cookie and cup of tea/coffee has to have come up with this. Also they have ‘baby buggies’ for cats. Have seen! Life as a cat in Japan…what a life.

  38. I was laughing doooo hard I snorted! Side note, just finishe’d my first round of IV treatment so my body won’t kill me, and so far no side affects!

  39. OMG ! I just about choked to death on my own spit, I was laughing so hard about the ” shit-show” Thank you for the laugh- and you know, almost killing me with my own spit!

  40. I know this is random and is probably not the place to ask this BUT, what are the chances you could put a pill box in your store? Maybe a with the Furiously Happy logo? I think there are enough of us that have to travel with pills and would love to have a happy raccoon give them to us!

  41. Elena Marie — please — what “these” do people bring in to your work? The comments have been so varied I’ve made quite a few weird stories up…

  42. Ermmm… How do you get the cat in there? I’d never get to use it with an actual cat in it, just some decorative arm scratches. 🙁

  43. D’you think Rory would fit in there? Like maybe the backpack could be modified to have hand openings like they have in the lab so you can reach through into a pair of quarantine gloves.

  44. I’m glad that they specified that it was breathable. Those unbreathable ones kept getting one star reviews. “1/5 stars, would not stuff cat into it again.”

  45. I just got your book, Furiously Happy… I think it’s called, delivered from Amazon today. I flipped through a few pages, got online and read some of your blogs… went to your “shop” and concluded that you probably don’t live very far from me and maybe we might have even gone to school together… I’m only a year older than you are. So far I love that I ordered your book…over a year ago I started suffering from serious depression and humor has always been my go-to elixir for everything. In my case, it turns out that I was burnt out from working too much and for22 years without a vacation…. and the fact that I was diagnosed with MS last year. I retired for 4 months, then was forced to return and run my company again. My replacements sucked so bad I don’t even want to say! Well, anyway…. I think your book will be good for me dark sense of humor and knowing you have fed the same zebras and emus is kind of cool too. 😝 I hope you’re not depressed tomorrow. Septembers do seem kind of depressing to me too… but I love Fall, so I put up with September. Thanks again for writing your book!

  46. Oh, and I considered one of these cat capsules for my puppy many months ago… my son’s puppy, actually…that or one of those fancy long sheets that hippy mother’s use to hold and swaddle their babies while carrying them hands-free…
    Then reality set in… what the hell was I thinking!? I’m not a hippy mother or a woman even… I just wanted to be lazy but have this puppy with me everywhere I went so I didn’t come home to pee in the rugs, shit on the floor or my wife’s favorite socks chewed up! Oh well… he’s grown now and he’s a rambunctious asshole… but I love him just the same. He still eats socks too. Yep… still an asshole.

  47. Regarding the not-actually-funny-or-helpful-whatsoever penis & testicles underwear: One, this is 2017. Empowerment is not going to be found in underwear. (Full disclosure: I don’t wear any, which is not meant to be a statement. It’s just really super comfy). Two, create, market, and successfully sell underwear portraying a woman’s sexual anatomy to men, in order to make them feel emboldened, and then I’ll be impressed.

    Jenny, my 21-year-old daughter Lily pointed this post out to me. She was trying to understand why you would think this kind of thing was cool. She thought you were a feminist. I’ve been reading your blog for many years and sent Lily a copy of Furiously Happy when she was experiencing an especially bad period of depression last year. We both respect you so much. Would you please explain your reasoning behind pimping these undies, please? Thank you.

  48. I work part-time at a Los Angeles -based store called Centinela Feed and Pet Supply. We carry significantly more pet supply than feed, but I’m wondering if the flagship store (on Centinela Blvd.) has just been around for so long that feed used to be the main line of product. Ennyhoo, we have a few cat backpacks. The ones that appear cozier for the cats have a screen versus a plastic window. But the ones that look like spaceships (like, with fins, yo) have the screens lower so the window is, in fact, a window. They run somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 bux. Shouldn’t be too costly to ship, I wouldn’t think. Lemme know if ya want one. 😉

    (Although Amazon may have them cheaper or more conveniently. I just wanted you to know that they DO EXIST irl)

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