So today I got new glasses.
They look almost exactly like my old glasses because I’m very boring and don’t like change but the lenses are stronger because I’m also very old and read in the dark too much.
So I’m walking around and everything looks slightly off and warped and sharp but actually it’s because things are suddenly clear and I’m just not used to it. I’ve gotten so used to the blurry that when things are in focus they’re almost too clear. Like I’m being shouted at by my eyes. And it struck me as a very good analogy because it’s very similar to how I feel when I come out of a depression.
Suddenly my tunnel vision fades and there is more sun. Things I couldn’t concentrate on before are obvious. The things I ignored because they faded away during the darker times are suddenly clear and obvious and demanding my attention. And it’s great. But also disorienting. And wonderful. And terrifying.
I stopped at a rosebush next to the eyeglass place and I was struck at how clear and sharp and beautiful the roses were. The same ones I’d walked by only a few minutes ago and had ignored. I was literally stopping to smell the roses, except instead of smelling I was instagramming them but I still felt the meaning of the moment
And I held one up to capture it on camera and it was lovely and it reminded me to appreciate these moments when things are so clear and vivid and good.
And then I looked even deeper at the subtle details I take for granted and I screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK. THERE’S A SPIDER” and then the spider ran onto my hand and I yelled: “THERE’S A SPIDER ON ME. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET IT OFF WHEREDIDITGO WHYISTHISHAPPENING?“And the two small children eating ice cream on the bench near me just stared as I jumped around slapping myself to trying to make the spider (which was now invisible and probably laying eggs in me) fall off of me and then I couldn’t find the spider even on the ground and I thought maybe I needed even stronger glasses but then I realized that the strong glasses led to this problem in the first place and maybe I was better off when I was ignoring roses and unable to see spiders crawling all over me and that fucked up all my metaphors and so I just took a deep breath and said, “Take care of your eyes while you still can” to the small kids and then their mom looked at me even more warily and I realized that maybe that sounded like a threat so I added, “Like, don’t read at night without good lighting. It ruins your eyes. And eat your carrots.” And the mom was like, “Yeah. That’s what I always tell you kids, right?” and I was happy to help, although I’m fairly sure the kids didn’t understand the connection between spider attacks and protecting your vision but they had ice cream so they just shrugged and went back to eating.
This post had a point but I lost it. I blame spiders.