The Great Bloggess Floods – DAY 10

Just walked into my office, which is still filled with loud industrial blowers and dehumidifiers used to dry the water damage from the series of leaks and floods and I found a new medium sized puddle on the floor from another leak.

Cause of this leak:  The fucking dehumidifier.


HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I am 100% done.  Call an arsonist.

159 thoughts on “The Great Bloggess Floods – DAY 10

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Don’t call an arsonist, call a travel agent and book the first flight to somewhere with palm trees and drinks with umbrellas in them. Much more therapeutic, not to mention legal.

  2. Irony can be frustrating. Our latest leak is from our humidifier! 2017 was a flood year for us too. It’s turned off and help is on its way….next week!!!

  3. No. No no no. I have a super-damp home anyway and I have a dehumidifier in every room. I DIDN’T KNOW THEY COULD BETRAY US.

  4. Does it make you feel better if I tell you that my furnace has been broken since Monday morning? And that it’s currently 12 degrees here (but the windchill makes it feel like -4)?
    I share your pain of betrayal-by-house.

  5. I’m pretty sure your house is too waterlogged at this point to catch fire anyhow, but good luck!

  6. So, what you’re saying is … your house is actually in love with Jason Momoa’s Aquaman and it is trying to lure him over?

    I suggest that you break it to your domicile gently. Such love was never meant to be.

  7. The ceiling fell in at a rest area and water poured everywhere in waterfalls and while everyone was taking cell phone videos, I thought of you. This must suck so much! It’s like a personal hurricane. Here’s hoping it all dries up soon!

  8. My drains formed a mutiny today. The whole house is clogged. On the bright side, I have a valid reason not to mop up the dried dog puke in the corner of my foyer. I have no reason for the past week. #imgrossandlazy

  9. Noooooo! Jenny, I feel for you!
    It has to get better soon!
    I am sending you lots and lots and lots and lots of very DRY desert energy!!!
    —from your friendly Desert Dweller

  10. Noooo!
    It has to get better soon!!
    (there won’t be any water left after a while, perhaps….)
    I am sending you lots and lots and lots and lots of VERY DRY DESERT ENERGY!
    Please forgive if this is a double post. I did not see my last one up here so wrote again.

  11. I agree with you here, as if I don’t usually, didn’t need the word here, I guess. Burn it down. We always move when it’s time to paint the exterior. Just, no. Let’s move. We’ve done that 3 times now.

  12. Side ad includes the “Fuck This Shit” socks, and this seems v apropos. Sending you love, lady.

  13. The universe is going MWAHAHAHAHAHA and God is going, “Really, Universe? I didn’t make you so you could play these kind of stupid jokes, you know. Knock it off and go play with that giant squid thing you wanted so much for Christmas last year.”

  14. You are going to have sooooo much lemonade! Hang in there Jenny. Its gone from uncomfortable to bad to ludicrous. And you are still. doing. it. You got this.

  15. Drive to a luxury hotel. Get a massage and some champagne. We’ll take care of rest, including evacuating Victor, Hailey, Beyoncé and the other wildlife. You can’t be held responsible for arson if you were 50 miles away. Also, this posting never happened.

  16. I think that dehumidifier needs the Office Space fax machine treatment:

    Some content was stripped by our security filters, but it should be possible for one of your Editors to embed the content for you.

    via GIPHY

  17. Sometimes the medicine is worse than the disease. Dehumidifiers are a pain in the ass. Get a house sitter you trust and get outta town and go pamper yourself !!

  18. Trying to get a fire to start in a damp area doesn’t work unless you have a personal dragon as a pet. Maybe Charlie Weasley would let you borrow one?

  19. My daughter is in a similar situation with burst pipe, fans and dehumidifier BUT… she is expecting her first and overdue!
    Insurance is going to set them up in a hotel, thankfully!

  20. Ohmygod sending a huge hug in your direction!! Hang in there- it will get better! This is just getting all the bad stuff for this year out of the way up front. 🙂

  21. The water gods are not appeased yet. You need to make an offering. I’d suggest plenty of wine. And make sure you have your share.

  22. bless you for keeping it together! The idea of strangers in my house for days on end makes my skin itch just thinking about it.

  23. Jenny, clearly your house is in need of an intervention at this point. I am so sorry your new year has started like this. Maybe you should skip ahead to Lunar New Year and start over.

  24. Can I join your club of borken. My mom broke her hip in early December…No problem, my dad just retired so his new job became taking full time care of her. He broke his arm yesterday! AAAHHH!!

  25. Oh, I had this when I bought my house. The previous owner had done some landscaping which led to water damage. (DON’T JUST PILE MULCH AGAINST YOUR HOUSE BECAUSE IT MAKES THE SHRUBS HAPPY!) To deal with the water damage, he plugged in the dehumidifier and left.

    The leaky, leaky dehumidifier.

    Which was only following orders when it took the humidity out of the air and deposited it on the carpet.

    For ****ing days.

    That Sheldon gif is absolutely appropriate.

    Cripes, I’m sorry.

  26. I am sorry.
    Would you like some limericks?

    Jenny Lawson, her house underwater
    Told her husband and beasties and daughter
    To fight water with fire,
    So they built up a pyre
    Which would aid them in water-sprite slaughter.

    So when Jenny (that’s Lawson, not Larson)
    Was attempting to carry out arson
    She was caught, and said, “Fire?
    “It’s not really that dire,
    “We’ll be dealing with nuclear war soon!”

    Hang in there and may the Guild of Naiads, Selkies and Freelance Aquatic Cryptids intervene with the water demons on your behalf.

  27. What if the water demons keep putting out the arsonist’s fires, though? Maybe what you need is a good hard freeze instead?

  28. Ah. I see you’re just living in the same 2018 as the rest of us. Last year was a dumpster fire – this year it’s a hurricane bomb. You can only laugh. And get out a tiny, ineffectual mop.

  29. I feel your pain, in Sept, I had a slab leak. Yep fun. Jackhammers, plumbers, industrial dehumidifiers and fans (aren’t they soooo loud) disaster restoration company, etc. Good part is a month and half later, it was over and I got all new floors and trim and and and. It was so much fun. Ok the last line was a lie.

  30. My year is borken, too. I have just survived 2 holiday seasons in a row with water pipe leaks and resulting damage. The water mitigation people and insurance adjuster are on my speed dial. Maybe next year they should just come to Thanksgiving dinner and preemptively start the blowers and dehumidifiers when they leave. Decision was made to do a full re-pipe going through walls and ceilings. What a mess! What a pricey project! Borked up for sure.

  31. What if you turn up the heat a lot and just wear your bathing suits around the house? Then it would be like an intentional pool party. Cats love pool parties, right?

  32. Don’t ask me how I know, but, I am PRETTY SURE that there are laws about burning down the house…so, if you decide to take that route, don’t tell US! I, personally, am completely trustworthy, but I do not know about the rest of the people in here. Jus’ sayin’

  33. I know arson sounds like the answer. Arson always sounds like the answer am I right? But, remember the fire department will come with big hoses and there will be more water. Also, maybe hot firemen, dripping with water. On second thought, maybe you should call an arsonist.

  34. Wow, just Wow! This situation is making a giant sucking sound!
    I suggest hooking a hose up to the dehumidifier drain (should be a connector that fits a standard hose where the water drains into the internal reservoir) then run the hose either into a working drain in the house or outside to the storm drain.
    We did that when we were leaving a dehumidifier running in an empty house that was for sale.
    Good luck!!!

    (That’s exactly how it was set up. The hose from the dehumidifier to the kitchen drain leaked. Not fun. ~ Jenny)

  35. I wouldn’t go the arson route. I just looked up the combustion reaction for gasoline. It creates CO2 and…H2O.

  36. I would never use a dehumidifier. I love warm humid air. It’s good for my skin. I hope this mess gets sorted out for you. It can’t be good for the pets or the taxidermied friends in the house, not to mention Beyonce.

    (It’s not a personal one. It’s an industrial dehumidifier pulling the moisture out of the ceiling. ~ Jenny)

  37. Think of it this way: The dehumidifier’s leak is just its way of demonstrating that it’s working.

  38. It must be something going on in the universe. I didn’t get voicemail for over a month, got that fixed after an hour with tech support. Used my toilet which wouldn’t accept a poo so I had to plunge. Now waiting for a specialist to figure out where $700 worth of water went. And I have an evil clown fish (like Nemo) who assassinates other fish in my fish tank. God grant me patience and give it to me NOW

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  39. It’s The Amityville Horror, Jenny-style. Is there a water-logged pig with red eyes staring at you from through the window? Is there a sodden, cloaked figure, seeping malevolent and ominous droplets onto your stairs as he points at you and gurgles GET. OUT.”???????

  40. I was going to suggest that the only way now to fight all this water is fire, but you’re a step ahead of me!

  41. And Victor was on a conference call.
    Victor lives for conference calls, and you get the borked up water emergencies.
    This situation has GOT to change. Don’t you have any conference calls? You need to find some (they’re probably in his office) and let him deal with the water.

  42. I’m just going to throw this out there: Maybe the flood in your house is Biblical. Are you harboring any animate or inanimate creature that Gawd may want? When He wants something He’s ruthless – I had to give Him a Chinese Fighting Fish a while ago because He liked the color. Have you had any urges to build a big boat? Any animals showing up in pairs?

    It’s probably just bad plumbing, but I’d still keep an eye open for lions and zebras arriving in pairs.

  43. I always wonder why, in horror movies, when the scary voice says, “GET OUT” the peeps don’t make a beeline for the door. Your house has laryngitis and is communicating in the only way it can. Go on a nice little vaycay and let someone else do the exorcism.

  44. Water demon? Maybe you need a priest. Or a Ghostbuster. Or like…a sacrifice. You know what…just find an arsonist. You’re right.

  45. Had a flooded area in my basement. Had the carpeting replaced and fixed any cracks in the foundation. A week later, more soggy carpeting. The cause of both floods? The fucking dehumidifier. Assholes.

  46. Fire is completely reasonable at this point. You do realise however, that something else will just leak and put it out? 🤷🏻‍♀️

  47. Just be prepared for the electric bill — those dehumidifiers suck electricity like electric vampires. (Our flood was UNDER the tiles — we may never have noticed if we didn’t have a loose tile and noticed water OOZING up through the grout….) I second the idea of going to a private beach somewhere and having lots of brightly colored drinks with umbrellas in them.

  48. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I believe this is where you exit stage left, check yourself into a 5 star hotel and tell them to call you when it’s guaranteed done.

  49. Does it help that miraculously in homes all over the world, sink valves and computers are failing at the same time?

    Probably not.

  50. I’m so sorry this is happening. I know this is the opposite of encouraging, but do make sure everything is completely 110% dry with zero signs of mold (often leaks that bad warrant new drywall or lumber, despite contractors tell you it’s okay).

    My cat and I had been having scary mysterious health issues for years that no doctors (or vets) could figure out, when lo and behold, we found horrifying amounts of mold hidden in our “luxury” apartment where we’d lived for years. Air ducts, air handler, inside the walls… nightmare fodder. I’ve gotten a bit better since moving out, but it’s a slooooow and expensive process and the most discouraging and infuriating time of my life. I know you have your own mystery maladies, so I just wanted to caution you about something that could exacerbate or jumble them. Be on your construction teams like a barnacle and make them prove to you there’s mold damage (bleach is not sufficient).

    Again, so, so sorry. I know I’d be curled up in a ball.

  51. Annnnd…of course there’s an important typo and I don’t know if I can edit. sigh Obviously, I meant “make them prove to you there’s NO mold damage.”

  52. Put it on the market now! Move away before the walls atart bleeding. I had a home do this to me over an 11 year period, Fire, flood from plumbing, 125 ft tall fir tree crashing through the bedroom ceiling…at 3am. Not funny people. I was gonna stick it out, I wasn’t giving up. Then I lost the house to foreclosure in the ’08 financial meltdown. Yes. Me and a million others. Hear me now! The house is telling you to go while the getting is good!

  53. Oh, sweetie! Arson isn’t the way to go with a flooded house! What you need is a bloody hurricane to tear it away! (Please remove all pets and humans.)

  54. Take the dehumidifier outside and show it who’s boss with an aluminum baseball bat. Then find a very expensive hotel, with a very expensive spa, that will provide you with a very expensive bath, very expensive massage, and very expensive facial. If that’s all too social, take a nice long shower in your room and order some very expensive room service . They call me tater, made me spit my wine all over myself! Give it up for the 80s, yo!

  55. Just think you have all this experience with what to do when water sprites invade your house! Why introduce the mayhem of fire sprites? As natural enemies they create more mayhem than they solve – proven science.

    This won’t last forever. When it’s over you can be proud you made it thru the otherside – plus have a few funny stories – like disrupting Victor’s meeting with Hunter S. Tomcat’s antics. One day at a time.

  56. Come on out to SoCal and leave Victor to part the waters in TX. My house is the cleanest it has been in years — yes, YEARS — and I know where we can get some kittens and/or puppies to cuddle. 🙂

  57. It’s because if you had gone for a leisurely drive today, you would’ve run over a squirrel. That same squirrel, in two years, is going to steal your popcorn in the park. And while you are leaning down to find a rock to throw at it, a stray frisbee is going to sail over your head. Which would have likely messed up your hair… so thank goodness you didn’t go for that drive. Your hair could’ve gottten slightly tussled in 2 years. Which would be a true disaster. I’ve been drinking.

  58. I’m worried that your house is now too wet to burn. How about a large bulldozer?
    Hang in there, much sympathy from Oregon.

  59. I don’t even know what to say anymore. You might want to think about sacrificing a goat or something to the water gods. Or maybe just give in and sacrifice your whole house to the water gods and move somewhere else, preferably at least 10 miles from your current home so the curse doesn’t follow you.

  60. They say torching ones belongings can be a way to therapeutically symbolize a new beginning. Two birds. One stone. Good argument in my book.

  61. All I could think of is for you to get one of those portable type spas. Set it up in your office with your wine etc then shout at the sprites or demons, ” BRING IT ON, FUCKERS! I’M READY FOR YOU BITCHES NOW!” You know, kind of like Jennifer Love Hewitt did in “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. Make sure that it is loud and around 2AM. Good luck

  62. I used to work at a cafe in a 100 year old building that boasted a dropped ceiling with those foamy ceiling tiles. The tiles would often discolor due to leaks & moisture and we’d pop them out and spray paint them. One day a fellow from the kitchen was doing this and a dead rat fell on his face (the cause of that tile’s funky spot) so at least that hasn’t happened.

  63. I flooded during Hurricane Harvey. Downstairs is still bare – only studs & slab. Living upstairs with not a lot of amenities. So I feel your pain. Thanks to you, I periodically remind myself that it’s a good day because I have overcome that “feeling stabby” urge. (That is is lucky for my so-called contractor.) Beam me up, scottie!

  64. If the dehumidifier catches fire, do you need a RE-humidifier? by Jack Handey Wishing you better times, thank you for letting us all laugh through our pain.

  65. Time to go to a nice hotel for a week or so! Make sure they have 24 hr room service so you don’t have to leave your room if you don’t want to!

  66. Have you considered looking into an Arc yet? I hear they are handy in these situations. And you can fit the animals too, so that’s a bonus 🙂

  67. That’s a whole lotta borken going on there. I am so sorry.
    Hopefully, by dumping it on you all at once, it will be out of the way the rest of the year.
    ((HUGS))

  68. OH MY GOD. Sounds like incompetence is running rampant with the repair guys! I suggest you just blow the damned house up. IIt’s probably too wet at this point to actually catch fire!!!
    The whole thing sounds ….painful.

  69. It’s a mess, innit. I’ve done the flooded kitchen route (pipe burst in the bathroom above it) and the frozen food route (30 deg. in the kitchen in winter), and the -15 route with snappy winds (nowwww) and two foot drifts…and all i can tell you is, (and I know you get this) it gets better, it gets worse, sometimes (as now) both at once, and then something else happens.

    I sense a forthcoming book in there somewhere.

  70. You poor thing. You need some naked time here at Serendipity. Mayo Pie is AWOL so I can’t promise you his presence. But his SPIRIT is here, as he keeps on blogging about us from his secret bat cave in Florida.

  71. NO! Hadn’t caught up in a few days and am astounded and so so sorry! People in your house and wet wet wet everywhere 🙁
    Many wishes for speedy resolutions and for quiet and peaceful chaos to resume in your home!

  72. Holy moses girl! My anxiety raises just thinking about all this! Or any piece of it! I love certain kinds of books (Gaiman, King, Pratchett) but when life is just too… my go-to book is Greenwillow by BJ Chute. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it and how much it has helped. Like a paper teddy bear to me, that book is! Seriously. Amazon can deliver to house or hotel!

  73. Wait, wait. It’s totally okay. Look at it this way – the water demons are obviously running out of ammunition at this point. The next salvo will most likely be a tiny quivering dewdrop on a rose petal. And somewhere, the completely dessicated skin of an expired water imp.

  74. “Your water is broken. Call a midwife.” I laughed out loud at this comment!

    I’d like to be the obnoxious one who says you’re lucky to have running water.

    I’m sorry everything is borked. Hope you got everything shitty out of the way and the rest of the year is better!

  75. I worked from home for many years doing a job I hated. One year we had nonstop water-related problems and damage–tree fell on roof and hit a vent pipe which burst our bathroom pipes under the house, leaking skylights, mold problems, water-rotted beam in foundation, malfunctioning septic grinder pump which overflowed… it just kept happening. Then a friend happened to get me a Feng Shui assessment for my birthday and the person heard my story about the jouse problems and she said, “Have you noticed all this damage to your home is related to water? Water is the flow of the course of your life–largely related to your life’s work/your career. Your home is trying to tell you something. That month I left a job I hated and the water problems vanished. Perhaps there is a life path you are not considering or avoiding that you need to take? And the water isn’t giving up until you listen!

  76. I worked from home for many years doing a job I hated. One year we had nonstop water-related problems and damage–tree fell on roof and hit a vent pipe which burst our bathroom pipes under the house, leaking skylights, mold problems, water-rotted beam in foundation, malfunctioning septic grinder pump which overflowed… it just kept happening. Then a friend happened to get me a Feng Shui assessment for my birthday and the person heard my story about the jouse problems and she said, “Have you noticed all this damage to your home is related to water? Water is the flow of the course of your life–largely related to your life’s work/your career. Your home is trying to tell you something. That month I left a job I hated and the water problems vanished. Perhaps there is a life path you are not considering or avoiding that you need to take? And the water isn’t giving up until you listen!

  77. Buy a wood fire pit and use it in that room. The fire will dry out the room and the smoke will give it a nice outdoors smell.

  78. i had weight loss surgery about 8 months ago and now my farts are so pungent they could peel wallpaper.

  79. I feel your pain… we lost heat to a frozen pipe last week… and the solution required cutting holes in my basement ceiling. Holes that will stay there, although not as the ragged sheetrock rips they are now.

    Former owners had insulated the basement but left the radiator pipes on the OUTSIDE of the insulation, without leaving airflow for the pipes to the warm house. And we live in New England which regularly goes below 0°F.

    Insult to injury? I had to snowblow the driveway to get the repair tech in, and snowblow the driveway to get him back out. And I still had to snowblow the driveway in the morning. My arms were so shaky-tired I couldn’t carry a coffee cup.

  80. Those industrial fans are so F annoying, like being in the seat just over the engine on a plane. Bonus, the cats are terrified for the entire time they are in the house.

  81. Leaks are no fun, this is coming from a woman who just moved back in our home after a leak in our kitchen wreaked havoc on our home. We had black mold and 2 other kinds that were not good. Had to basically tear out most of our home and rebuild from the inside out. We are almost finished and it has been a stress filled ride. At least we see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Good luck.

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